Chance Encounter
by Besotted
Summary: When Bella Swan, a 23 year old cellist studying music at Julliard meets Edward Cullen, a Hollywood movie star, their lives will be forever changed as they struggle to make their relationship work against the greatest of odds. A/H
1. Red Eye

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire, and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 1 – Red Eye**

**BPOV**

I heard the airline attendant's prim and proper voice come over the P.A. system at L.A. International Airport. I knew, even before she made her announcement that she was looking for me. I glanced down at my watch while running wildly through the terminal, my messenger bag smacking unceremoniously against bewildered airport patrons as I rushed to make the red-eye flight from L.A. to New York.

"This is the last and final boarding call for American Airlines Flight 448 travelling from L.A. to New York. The aircraft is at the gate and ready for an immediate departure."

I picked up the pace while nearly tripping over my flip-flops and muttering to myself that I would never wear them again. Okay, so that was totally unrealistic, but they were incredibly inconvenient when you were attempting to sprint across an airport to catch a flight.

The airline attendant's voice filled my ears again. "Will Isabella Swan please report to Terminal 4, Gate B? Your aircraft is set to depart immediately."

"Shit!" I swore out loud, not really caring who heard. I really needed to make this flight. I had an important assignment due the following day and a professor who could care less about excuses. As it was, I would need to spend my flight pouring over cello concertos by Bach and Boccherini, trying to find some inspiration for my own Baroque inspired composition - the first movement of a cello concerto, to be sure.

"I'm here, I'm here," I yelled, nearly crashing into the attendant who was in the process of shutting the door between the gate and the aircraft corridor. I hated that little tunnel connecting the aircraft to the terminal. Thank God I was running late. It meant I wouldn't have to stand around waiting for passengers to take their seats while I suffered random fits of claustrophobia pressed against nameless bodies in that tiny, unventilated space.

"Ms. Swan?"

"Yes, yes, that's me," I stated breathlessly as I handed the attendant my I.D.

"Not a moment to spare," she admonished me, clearly displeased. "Hurry up and get to your seat. The aircraft is ready for an immediate departure."

That much was clear. She'd only made the announcement two times. Whatever; I was here, and glad of it.

Hugging my bag close to my side, I scurried down the corridor and onto the plane. It was times like these when I fully appreciated my father's wealth. I was sitting in the first class section of the aircraft tonight. In fact, on this particular flight I was seated in the aisle seat of the very first row. I brushed past a stewardess who wore a scowl and tried not to feel too guilty about detaining the plane.

Glancing around before taking my seat, I sighed when it appeared that every seat was occupied, including the one next to mine. It was a completely irrational fear of mine, but I really disliked flying on booked flights. I always worried that maybe the aircraft wouldn't be able to handle all of the weight. It was silly, I knew, and I flew all the time so it was a fear I had to keep in check. But it was irritating nonetheless because now, a small part of me was going to focus on this fact for the remainder of the flight. My mind would not be settled until we touched down in New York.

After placing my messenger bag in the overhead compartment, I settled into my seat. It felt good to sit down. The leather seat was soft and inviting and molded to the shape of my body. I took a deep breath and relaxed. Perhaps I was a bit dramatic, because the passenger occupying the seat next to mine chuckled softly. I glanced in that direction and was oddly entertained by the sight that met my eyes. It was a man seated next to me, or at least it appeared that way. It was somewhat difficult to be certain because the individual was cloaked in a dark blue hoody and his eyes were shielded by a pair of large black Ray bans. The black jeans and black Nike sneakers more or less convinced me that it was in fact a male hidden underneath the disguise. I grinned at him, but he paid me no attention. He appeared to be thoroughly engaged in his novel. Oh well, I didn't need any distractions on this flight. I had a date with Bach and Boccherini.

As soon as the plane was at cruising altitude and the stewardess had made the announcement that it was safe to use all portable electronic devices, I fished my laptop and some sheet music out of my messenger bag and got down to work. Opening my music composition program, I reviewed the work I'd done thus far. I sighed heavily, unhappy with the direction my composition was taking. It wasn't coming together for me, which was strange because of all the periods of music, I liked the Baroque period the best. I identified with the order and structure that defined that period of music. The music of this period made sense to me; there was a beginning, middle and end. The music always left me feeling satisfied, too. It followed patterns that were pleasing to the human ear. I'd studied the Baroque period of music extensively and played countless pieces by Baroque masterminds such as Bach and Handel as well as lesser known musical wizards such as Buxtehude, but I was at a loss as to where to take this particular composition.

"Pardon me, would you care for something to drink?" The stewardess that had glared at me when I entered the aircraft earlier was now staring at me with an enormous, false smile glued to her face.

"Water would be great, thanks."

I glanced at the mystery man seated next to me to see if he intended to place an order for something to drink, but he appeared to have fallen asleep, his book folded neatly over his right leg.

As I Lay Dying, by Faulkner.

I considered his choice of reading material. I enjoyed Faulkner, which surprised many people. There was nothing ordered about Faulkner's stream of conscience writing style. But I identified with free-flowing thought; I often found myself talking on and on, one thought flowing effortlessly into another totally disconnected thought. In short, I tended to ramble. I let my eyes casually roam up the mystery man's torso. I prayed he was indeed sleeping – it was impossible to be sure with his sunglasses on, as I unabashedly checked him out. He was tall and lean and scruffy. His arms were wrapped tightly around his chest and he leaned his head against the window. Something about him looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite place where I might have seen him. It was possible he was a student at Julliard. Or perhaps I'd passed him on the streets in SoHo, where I lived in a recently renovated apartment building.

"Excuse me." The stewardess had returned with my bottle of water and a small cup of ice.

I mumbled my thanks and turned my attention back to the task at hand - composing. While glancing over a Bach cello concerto, I reached out and unscrewed the cap off the water bottle and poured myself a cup. But the water flowed out of the bottle much faster than I had anticipated and before I could do anything about it, water was flowing over the brim of the cup and onto my tray table.

"Shit!" I exclaimed rather loudly as I scrambled to push my laptop out of the way. Unfortunately, in the process I inadvertently knocked my cup off the tray table.

"Jesus Christ!"

I heard my next door neighbor speak for the very first time, and he didn't sound too happy.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" I cried in a panic.

I grabbed my laptop and pushed the tray table out of the way, jumping up out of my seat to survey the damage. I couldn't believe it. I'd poured the entire contents of my cup of water into mystery man's lap! Mystery man sat there, his mouth agape, staring at me through his sunglasses in complete and utter shock. For an instant I thought I recognized him. It was his sharp, pronounced jaw line that tugged at my memory. I knew him from somewhere, but where? No matter. He was currently soaking wet and from what little I could gather, highly pissed off. Not thinking, I reached for my sweater and started furiously dabbing at the water in his lap.

"Hey!" His voice was firm. I felt his strong hand grip my wrist. "Would you please take your hand off my crotch?"

_OH MY GOD. _

I snatched my hand away, flopping back into my seat. The stewardess, having witnessed the entire ridiculous episode, arrived on scene with a towel. Mystery man accepted it gratefully, not looking in my direction. I was mortified, but figured it would be pointless to apologize to him again as he did not seem the slightest bit interested in talking to me. And that was before I poured water on him. I was certain that now he would avoid me like the plague. Oh well. I really did need to focus on my work.

After mopping up my tray table and carefully examining my laptop and sheet music for any water damage, I continued on with my assignment. As I poured over Bach, I thought I noticed mystery man glance in my direction but his sunglasses prevented me from being certain. Why in the hell was he wearing sunglasses on a red-eye flight, anyway? It was starting to bother me. When I brought up my composition in Sibelius, I knew for certain he was staring at me, rather my computer screen. I didn't look up though, instead keeping my eyes trained on my composition.

"A cellist," he said. It was a statement of fact, not a question. His voice was quiet and husky and incredibly sexy.

"Uh huh," I replied, still not daring to look up at him. I was too embarrassed at having grabbed his crotch only moments before. Mystery man didn't say anything more and as I became absorbed in my assignment, a comfortable silence settled between us. I'm not sure when, but at some point I felt mystery man shift in his seat, moving his body slightly closer to mine. I could tell he was trying to be discreet, but he was very obviously studying my computer screen - my composition, to be exact.

"You may want to remove a measure from your first and third modulation sequences. Your composition will flow better." His voice carried across the small distance between us and settled in my ears.

"What?" I was shocked. It had never occurred to me that this man sitting beside me might be a musician.

"Modulate a measure earlier in each sequence - keep things neat and clean. You're modulating too late. You may also consider adding a bit more embellishment."

I studied my composition intently for a moment before quietly nodding my head. He was right. And now I had no choice. I had to look at him.

"Thanks." I said meekly, not sure what else to say. "Sorry about before."

Mystery man chuckled softly then grinned at me. "It's okay. It was an accident."

I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that mystery man didn't seem to be harboring any ill will towards me.

"You know music," I thoughtfully observed and he slowly nodded his head.

"Uh huh," he responded with a wry smile.

"What do you play?" I was greatly intrigued by this man and still scratching my head, trying to figure out where I might know him from.

"I play the piano and dabble in guitar, among other things."

"Oh," I replied, and immediately cringed at my response. It was so uninspired, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. For some reason or another, my senses were completely clouded and I was having a hard time focusing on anything other than mystery man's intoxicating scent.

_GET A GRIP, BELLA_, I sharply scolded myself.

I smiled weakly at mystery man and turned my attention back to my composition.

Once I'd reconstructed my modulation sequences, I settled back into finishing my composition. Once focused, I all but forgot about the ridiculously handsome creature sitting beside me. That is until I had the uncomfortable sensation that I was being watched. I risked a quick glance in mystery man's direction and sure enough, he was staring at me. Was it possible he was checking me out? I didn't want to believe it, but he was most definitely staring at me. I bit my lower lip and smiled cautiously at him.

"You're staring." I was pleasant but blunt. Mystery man chuckled.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I was listening to your composition."

I looked at him curiously and he chuckled again, tapping his pointer finger on his temple, indicating he'd been playing through my composition in his head. "The melody is quite beautiful, actually." He paused for a moment, furrowing his brow as if considering something before continuing. "I like the choice of E Minor for the key, too. The cello really captures the essence of the minor keys, I think." I nodded my head in agreement. So this man really did know music. "It's somewhat reminiscent of Elgar's Cello Concerto in E-minor, though your composition is most definitely characteristic of the Baroque, as opposed to the Romantic period of music."

To stay I was stunned by mystery man's words would have been an understatement, and it was apparently written clearly on my face. Mystery man smirked at my dumbfounded expression. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't seem to find the proper words. Mystery man had caught me completely off guard. He was right, my melody _was_ loosely based on Elgar's famous concerto, but I wouldn't expect anyone who wasn't extremely well versed in music literature to know this. I studied the man sitting beside me and he studied me back.

"You're right," I finally managed to say. "Elgar's cello concerto ranks among my most favorite pieces of literature for the cello," I quietly said. Mystery man nodded almost imperceptibly, but I noticed. He was still wearing his sunglasses and it was really starting to aggravate me. Now that we were on speaking terms, I wanted to address this man properly. I didn't really feel like I could carry on any sort of conversation with him if I couldn't clearly see his face. And then it happened. He reached up with his right hand and in one quick sweep of his hand removed his sunglasses from his face, depositing them into the left breast pocket of his long sleeved, button down flannel shirt.

I froze.

I knew immediately who this man sitting next to me was and I couldn't have been more shocked if I'd discovered I was pregnant by Immaculate Conception. It was the green eyes, so poignant and deep, that gave him away. I was vaguely aware of my heart racing faster than a hummingbird's wings in flight and I hoped and prayed that Edward Cullen couldn't sense my reactions.

Yes, so it was that this mystery man I'd been keeping company with for the greater part of an hour was actually one of the most sought after twenty-something actors in Hollywood today. I couldn't believe I hadn't realized this sooner. I _knew_ he looked familiar. But then again, I didn't really pay attention to matters pertaining to Hollywood. I caught the occasional movie with friends, but had little interest in the actors and actresses who starred in them. And I certainly never read any of the mind-numbing publications such as People Magazine or US which frequently showcased such movie stars. Still, I'd seen this face staring back at me from the cover of countless tabloids while in line at the grocery store. It would have been impossible to avoid the picture of perfection that was Edward Cullen.

Fighting to maintain my outward composure while struggling to breathe, I watched as Edward extended his right hand forward in greeting.

"I'm Edward," he said in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice. Without thinking, I placed my hand in his, gripping it firmly.

It was an interesting exchange to say the least. I wasn't sure what exactly transpired, but a weird current seemed to rush through me when I touched Edward. I studied his face to see if maybe he'd felt it too, but if he did, he did a good job of keeping it to himself. Edward didn't offer his last name when he introduced himself, though of course it wasn't necessary. I knew who he was, however I wasn't sure he was aware that I knew. I imagined most girls would make complete asses of themselves if introduced to him. I had damn near slipped into that trap too. Thankfully, a reasonable head prevailed and I managed a cool but friendly introduction.

"I'm Bella, Bella Swan."

"It's nice to meet you, Bella," he said, and he sounded so sincere, it caught me off guard.

"Likewise," I answered politely.

Not wanting to tempt fate, I turned back to my composition, hoping Edward would return to his nap or reading his book. If I was intrigued by this man before, I had absolutely no interest in speaking with him now. He seemed nice enough, but I really needed to finish my assignment. And, well, my hopes had been dashed. Mystery man was not some random New York musician with whom a chance encounter on a red eye flight could have possibly led to something more. No, he was a man who was completely unobtainable.

He was Edward Cullen.

Thankfully, Edward didn't say anything more. Instead, he reached down into his backpack, extricating his iPod and smiling lightly at me before inserting his ear buds. He fiddled with the controls for a moment before eventually settling back into his seat. I watched out of the corner of my eye as his eyelids fluttered closed. I couldn't help but wonder what he was listening to, but didn't dare ask. Instead, I focused all my attention on my badly neglected composition.

An hour passed before I felt comfortable with the rough draft of my composition. It wasn't perfect, but I was tired and having trouble focusing. Edward had fallen asleep soon after inserting his ear buds. I knew this because every so often, the softest of snores would escape his mouth. I wanted to allow myself to succumb to sleep too, but I knew better than that. If I shut my eyes now, I'd sleep the rest of the flight home and I still had work to do. Instead, I shut down my lap top, slipping it inside my messenger bag while simultaneously extricating a very old and just as worn copy of Bach's Cello Suites.

I had played Bach's suites from this very book since I was a young girl, debuting his first suite in G Major at the tender age of 7. Sixteen years later, I was still attempting to tackle the suites, this time focusing on his sixth suite in D Major. This was my chosen piece for my performance exam at the end of the semester. Today was September 25th. I had approximately two and a half months left to perfect my performance and I had to admit, I was nervous. The sixth cello suite was without a doubt the most technically demanding of all Bach's suites.

Placing the book on my lap, I turned to the sixth suite and began running through it in my head. I shut my eyes, working hard to visualize the distinct rhythm and sound of each note. Without thinking, my hands and fingers started moving as if they were playing the cello. I found that this method of practice was quite effective. When I actually sat down with my cello to play, my mental preparation helped me to fine tune my performance and assisted me in working through particularly rigorous passages. With my eyes closed, I fell into a deep meditative state where it was simply me and the music. I was therefore startled when I heard Edward speak.

"How long have you been playing?" He asked softly. My eyes shot open and I turned abruptly to face him. Edward appeared momentarily shocked by my reaction, his green eyes growing wide in surprise and his long, lean body tensing up. I sighed, shaking my head and laughing at myself.

"I'm sorry. It's just, you startled me. I thought you were sleeping," I said, trying in vain to apologize for my over reaction. Edward smiled at me, immediately relaxing.

"I guess I did rest my eyes for a bit." He continued to look at me expectantly. "So," he said after a moment. "Are you going to answer my question?"

"What question was that?" I wondered, because I honestly could not remember. All I could focus on was the fact that I was once again engaged in conversation with Edward Cullen, movie star extraordinaire. I was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe, let alone pay proper attention to the conversation. Edward chuckled softly - knowingly maybe, while simultaneously shaking his head at me.

"How long have you been playing?" He asked again, this time taking care to enunciate each word.

"Playing what?" I asked, rather stupidly, because of course he was referring to the cello. I really needed to pull myself together.

"Do you play something other than the cello?" He asked, appearing highly interested in my response.

I shrugged non-commit ally, not wanting to appear smug. I didn't really like talking about myself or the variety of instruments that I played. People often seemed offended by my musical talent and I couldn't fathom why. Edward stared at me curiously, his gaze still firmly expectant. I wasn't trying to be elusive, but I could see that my vague response had piqued his curiosity. In order to ward off further inquiries, I answered his original question.

"Two years, nine months old."

Edward furrowed his brow in confusion and I laughed out loud.

"That's how old I was when I started to play the cello. I've been playing for 20 years." Edward smiled at me, nodding in understanding.

"You were quite young," he observed.

Edward had turned his body in his seat so that he was now facing me. His body language told me he was actually interested in what I had to say, so I continued to talk.

"I learned to play before I learned to talk," I admitted, because it was true. Music was in my blood.

Edward regarded me thoughtfully.

"Really?"

I smiled at him and shrugged my shoulders. "I was a child musical prodigy, but an unusually late talker. Go figure."

With that, Edward laughed out loud, and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful a sound it was. "So how does a two year old child decide to play the cello?" He asked me, now thoroughly

engaged in our conversation. I hesitated for a moment, carefully considering my response before speaking. Answering his question would require me to talk about my mother, something I rarely did, especially not with complete strangers. But I decided that it felt okay to share a part of her with him. As crazy as it sounds, I felt comfortable talking with Edward. On some level, he already felt like a friend, even though I just met him.

"My mother was a cellist," I whispered quietly, staring down at my hands that lay twisted in my lap. I was fidgeting anxiously, nervous that Edward might inquire as to why I had referred to my mother in the past tense. Thankfully, he didn't.

"Would I know of her?" He asked. His voice was soft and gentle, and in that moment I realized Edward was aware that I'd referred to my mother in the past tense. But he wouldn't ask me about that. It wasn't his place to, and he knew that, and I appreciated it.

"It's doubtful," I said. "She was quite accomplished, but she wasn't famous or anything. Just a woman who loved to play, I suppose."

"So, did she encourage you to play?" He asked. I couldn't quite figure out why Edward was so interested in me, but it was an easy and relaxed conversation and I found I was actually enjoying myself and his company.

"Actually, no," I replied. "Not in the least. In fact, she was determined that if I was going to play it would be of my own accord. She didn't bombard me with music from an early age and she certainly didn't play CDs of cello music every night as I fell asleep."

Edward chuckled at that comment.

"So, you just decided on your own to play the cello at two years of age?"

"Not exactly; my mother might not have gone out of her way to nurture an interest in the cello, but she certainly didn't discourage my interest, either. She was definitely an integral part of my decision to start playing."

I smiled as I resurrected long buried memories that floated on the edge of my conscious.

"Sometimes, when my mother would practice, I'd climb up into her lap and she'd take my tiny hands in hers. She'd wrap my left hand around the thick neck of the cello and she'd let me finger notes on the strings. Then, she'd cover my right hand with hers and demonstrate movement of the bow."

"What a beautiful memory," Edward quietly offered, and his voice was so sincere that my carefully constructed façade nearly cracked. Even after all these years, it was still incredibly difficult to speak about my mother. I felt the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes but I fought them back, instead managing to smile lightly at Edward.

"How about you?" I asked in haste, suddenly desperate to change the subject. I really didn't want to fall apart on the plane. "How old were you when you started playing the piano?"

"Three years old," Edward responded casually and I wasn't the least bit surprised.

"I didn't start out taking lessons or anything," he added. "I would just sit at the piano and tinker with it, working out songs that were familiar to me."

I looked at Edward, raising my brows in question.

"You have perfect pitch?"

Edward chuckled then nodded. "Yeah, it sort of shocked my parents when I sat at the piano and started playing songs without any music or instruction. No one in my family is a musician, so it wasn't like there was this expectation that maybe I'd be musically gifted." Edward laughed lightly before continuing. "In fact, the piano was a hand me down from my grandmother, who bought it at a garage sale because she thought it would look nice sitting in her parlor."

I laughed at Edward's story, sincerely appreciating the lighthearted turn in conversation.

"So, you were three years old when you started playing piano by ear. Did you start lessons then too?"

Despite my initial reluctance to speak to him, I was now quite curious about Edward Cullen and I couldn't help but ask questions. It seemed that like me, Edward was a musical prodigy and I wanted to know more.

"No, no," Edward answered me with a shake of his head. "My parents were amused by my talent, but neither one of them recognized it as being anything special so they weren't in a hurry to enroll me in classes. They figured it was just something I could have fun with."

"So when did you begin? Lessons, that is?" I wondered.

"When I was five. My mother had a cassette tape of famous classical music she played in the house from time to time. I loved Eine Kleine Nachtmusik and managed to work it out at the piano. It was a very crude performance, of course, but there was no mistaking what it was. I clearly remember the incredulous expression on my mother's face as she stood in the doorway to the kitchen listening to me play. When I finished the piece, she asked me if I'd like to take lessons." Edward smiled brilliantly and shook his head, laughing lightly at the memory.

"I can imagine what your parents must have thought," I said, stunned that he'd managed to work through Mozart's famous serenade for strings at the age of five.

"So what about you," Edward asked, unexpectedly turning the topic of conversation back to me. "Are you a professional cellist?"

I looked up at Edward, deciding how to craft my answer as he waited patiently for my response.

It should not have been hard for me to answer him. Indeed, I was what one might consider a professional cellist, and had been for a very long time. I'd performed with the Los Angeles Philharmonic when I was just 7 years old. But presently, I was just a student at Julliard. So, I decided to go with that.

"I'm a student at Julliard, actually," I said. "I've had offers to play with a few orchestras, but I decided I wanted to study theory and composition, broaden my musical horizons so to speak."

Of course, Edward immediately asked which orchestras I'd had offers to play with. I inwardly cringed, somewhat hesitant to answer his question. I didn't like to brag. And if people knew anything about orchestras, they generally didn't believe me when I told them which ones I'd had offers to play with, anyway. Either that or they treated me as if I felt I was better than they were. I guess when it came down to it many people were just envious of my talent. I didn't like to make people feel uncomfortable, so I just didn't talk about it much. But in this case, I decided to answer Edward's question honestly. He didn't seem like the type to harbor any ill feelings toward me simply because I was an accomplished musician. In fact, he of all people would probably understand what it felt like to be so superficially judged.

"The Cleveland Orchestra and the Boston Symphony Orchestra," I said quietly, looking away. There were many other offers, of course, but those were the only ones I'd seriously considered.

Edward's deep green eyes opened wide as saucers at my response, surprise clearly marking his expression.

"Really?" He asked with a reverent ring to his voice. I shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. "No need to be modest, Bella. That's amazing. You're obviously truly gifted."

I blushed, feeling a little bit uncomfortable. Truth be told, I didn't like receiving compliments. It's not that I didn't appreciate my talent; I knew I was a gifted musician. But I had never really learned how to accept praise. I thought, in part, it had to do with the fact that I didn't play music for the enjoyment of others. I played music because it defined me and it was the best way for me to express myself. Music made me whole - it was the essence of my soul. I couldn't survive without it.

I realized Edward was looking at me curiously and decided I needed to change the subject.

"Tell me something Edward," I started, turning my body inward so that I was looking straight at him. I tried desperately not to let myself become too distracted by his physical beauty, but that in and of itself was a monumental task.

"How did a young piano prodigy find himself in Hollywood making movies?"

I asked the question before I realized what I was saying. Edward's smile fell slightly and he cocked his head to the side, studying me closely for several long moments. If it hadn't been evident that I knew who Edward was before, it was now. There was no hiding the fact that I knew he was a famous actor. Of course, it didn't really matter to me, but would it matter to him? Would he suddenly feel uncomfortable with me? I hoped not. The fact that he was famous didn't change anything for me and I didn't want it to change anything for him. As far as I was concerned, we were simply two people having a pleasant conversation, trying to pass time on a red eye flight from L.A. to New York.

"Well," Edward began slowly with a hint of a smirk. "I guess you could say it was purely coincidental. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time."

I sighed in relief. He was still talking to me and he didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that I knew he was an actor.

"Care to elaborate?" I asked. Edward was being very vague, and I wanted details. He must have been amused by my question because he looked at me and laughed - a beautiful carefree laugh.

"I attended a high school for the performing arts and my girlfriend at the time was in theater," he explained. "She landed the lead role in Romeo and Juliet and I tagged along with her to her first rehearsal. Romeo didn't show and they needed a stand-in to read his lines."

Here, Edward shrugged.

"I read the part and was apparently convincing because they offered me the role on the spot."

I looked at Edward incredulously. "Had you ever acted before?"

"Never," he said with a slight shake of his head, and it was my turn to lavish praise.

"You must have a natural gift to be handed another man's part without ever having acted," I said but Edward just shrugged it off.

"I think I was just in the right place at the right time."

So, not only was this man inhumanly handsome, intelligent and thoughtful, he was modest, too? I sighed. It was a cruel hand fate had dealt, placing this obviously perfect man, who I already felt a connection with, by my side when it was unlikely he would ever be anything more to me than just a passing acquaintance.

"So how did it go?" I asked, trying not to get too carried away with my musings and to just enjoy the moment. It was certainly one I would not soon forget.

"The performance?"

"Yes," I replied, curious as to how his first acting role played out.

"Well, I'd be lying if I said it was easy. I had a lot to learn about being on stage. But Angela, my girlfriend at the time, was a lot of help. It didn't hurt that I had strong feelings for her. They ended up crossing over into my performance," he explained.

"So, the play was a success?"

"I think so," Edward mused with a quiet shrug of his shoulders. "I got an agent out of it."

I stared at Edward incredulously. He was so nonchalant in the delivery of his words that I wasn't sure I'd heard him correctly.

"I'm sorry. Did you just say your turn as Romeo landed you an agent?"

Edward glanced at me, an unmistakable smirk pulling at his lips which told me all I needed to know.

"No need to be modest, Edward. You're obviously truly gifted," I teased, turning his previous comment back on him. Edward ducked his head shyly, clearly as uncomfortable with praise as I was.

"So what happened to your music?" I asked quietly a moment later, and I immediately regretted my question. Edward's face noticeably fell, tiny creases appearing around the corners of his eyes. His mouth twitched infinitesimally and he sighed heavily before fixing me with a sullen gaze.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I hurried to say. "I didn't mean to upset you. We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to."

Edward held his hand up while simultaneously shaking his head.

"It's all right. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so dramatic," he said, offering me an apologetic smile.

And I couldn't help it. I giggled…just a little.

"It's becoming clear to me just how fitting a role Romeo must have been for you," I teased. And at that, Edward laughed too, his eyes alight with amusement. I sighed in relief.

"After Romeo and Juliet, everything happened so fast," Edward went on to explain. "My agent landed me a small role in an Indy film and I decided to run with it. It didn't pay much by Hollywood standards, but it certainly paid more than I could have ever hoped to earn as a musician."

Edward shrugged.

"I guess you could say I sold out," he sighed, clearly conflicted about his decision to pursue acting over music.

"I don't think so," I offered softly. "Acting was obviously something new and exciting for you. You'd played music your entire life. Sometimes we need a change. When you were offered an opportunity to develop a different part of yourself, you accepted. There's nothing wrong with that. Music obviously remains an important part of who you are. That won't change just because you pursue other interests. So, I wouldn't say you've sold out at all."

Edward was quiet for a moment, furrowing his brow and thoughtfully considering what I said before slowly smiling at me.

"Thank you, Bella," he murmured. "Thank you for your kind words and thank you for the company. It's so nice to just sit and talk, you know? Have a casual conversation about life with a stranger…" Edward trailed off and I nodded in response, because I understood exactly what he was saying. Sometimes it was easier to open up to someone you barely knew than it was to share your life with loved ones. It was almost like spending time with a therapist, someone who offered unbiased insight into your life.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, feeling braver now that we'd been freely conversing for several hours. Edward nodded in response.

"What were you listening to earlier, before you fell asleep?" Edward eyed me curiously for a moment before asking me why I wanted to know.

"I don't know," I said with a casual shrug. "Just curious, I guess."

Edward chuckled, handing me his iPod. I looked at him askance, and he seemed to take great pleasure in teasing me when I asked him what he wanted me to do with it.

"Place the ear buds in your ears and listen to the music silly girl," he teased, and I blushed an embarrassing shade of red.

"Of course," I mumbled, grabbing his headphones and inserting them into my ears.

"Now press play," Edward continued with a wry smile. I shot him a warning look but he paid me no heed. He was obviously enjoying having fun at my expense, but I didn't mind. I kind of liked it in fact…

I froze mid thought as the music Edward had been listening to filtered through the ear buds and into my ears.

"Rachmaninoff's third piano concerto," I whispered softly.

Edward stopped laughing and was now watching me closely. He slowly nodded his head. "Are you familiar with it?" He quietly inquired and I nodded in response.

It struck me then just how surreal it was to be sitting on an airplane next to Edward Cullen, listening to Rachmaninoff's third piano concerto on his iPod. I had to refrain from ghosting my fingers across an imaginary keyboard. Yes, I play piano. In fact, I was a child piano prodigy too. I was offered the opportunity to double major in both cello and piano performance at Julliard, but opted instead to focus my studies solely on applied cello, theory and composition.

I didn't say anything to Edward about playing the piano. I was afraid I'd already come off as boastful when I'd announced that I'd been recruited to play cello in two of the United State's leading symphony orchestras. Instead, I settled back into my seat and listened to Rachmaninoff's masterpiece, wondering to myself if Edward had ever played it. Technically, it was an extraordinarily difficult piece to play and was widely considered to be one of the most challenging piano concertos ever composed. I'd performed it several times over the course of my life, most recently in front of a panel of Julliard judges a few years back. I sighed heavily as I considered this. It had been a long time since I'd sat down at the piano and attempted to play a piece of this complexity. I was completely out of practice and I missed playing. But between my course load at school and my involvement with several string ensembles, I had little time left over to play the piano.

The music ended too soon and I sighed heavily before removing the ear buds and laying them in my lap. I glanced over at Edward, but he was quietly reading his book. He didn't even seem to notice that I wasn't listening to the music any more. Not wanting to bother him, I turned my head away from him and shut my eyes. I was so tired, and despite the excitement of the flight I felt myself drifting off to sleep. That is until I heard Edward speak softly to me.

"May I have my iPod back?" He asked.

Opening my eyes, I turned towards Edward, only to see he was holding his hand out to me. My eyes darted to my lap where I realized I was still holding his iPod in my hand and I suddenly felt a little bit silly.

"Of course," I mumbled.

For some reason, I was starting to feel a little bit nervous. I wasn't sure why, but the reality that I'd just spent the better part of a cross country flight getting to know Edward Cullen on a rather intimate level was finally starting to set in. Unfortunately, the fact that I was nervous was apparently obvious.

"You're shaking," Edward commented as he took his iPod from me.

Was I? Now I felt completely ridiculous.

"I'm cold," I blurted out, desperate to provide any logical excuse for why I'd be shaking. Edward narrowed his eyes at me, seeming not to accept my explanation at face value. Nevertheless, he reached down between the two of us and pulled my sweater from my messenger bag.

"Why don't you put your sweater on," he said, and I swallowed hard, taking my sweater and thanking him politely.

"You're welcome," he murmured back before turning to fiddle with his iPod. I watched him for a moment, unable to look away from his strikingly beautiful face, before once again feeling my eyes start to close. I briefly considered revisiting my composition, but realized I was fighting a losing battle. So, I snuggled back into the seat, pulling my sweater across my torso and thinking of Edward Cullen.

It was his voice, so soft and inviting while at the same time masculine and gruff that called to me moments later.

"Bella?" He quietly asked. "I have something I'd like you to listen to, that is if you don't mind…" Edward seemed a little bit shy, and that alone garnered my immediate attention. I reached out to take his iPod from him while silently nodding my head. Our fingers brushed against one another in the exchange and I had to fight back the goose bumps that threatened to pepper my skin. This feeling of…_attraction_…was peculiar to me, and I didn't quite know what to do with it. The fact that it was Edward Cullen I was seemingly attracted to only served to further boggle my mind.

Edward watched me as I pressed play on the little device, very obviously interested in my reaction. And when the sultry, melodic voice coupled with the gentle strum of a guitar filtered into my ears, I knew precisely why.

It was Edward.

It was Edward singing and playing guitar, and truthfully, I was momentarily speechless. His voice was nothing short of angelic. It was soft and beckoning and not at all what I would have expected him to sound like. I lifted my head to Edward, meeting his quiet, expectant gaze. He had run his hand up through his hair, making a terrible, sexy mess, and it struck me that he was nervous about my reaction. I smiled widely at him, doing my best to put him at ease.

"This is really good, Edward," I said honestly, because it was. It was better than good, actually. But I didn't want to lay it on too thick. He might think I was being dishonest.

"You think?" He asked, appearing unconvinced by my statement.

"It really is," I replied, and without thinking I reached out and gently lay my fingers on his forearm. I immediately pulled them back, but not before noticing his gaze fall to where we'd briefly been connected.

"Is this something you wrote?" I asked, the shakiness in my voice betraying my ever increasing nerves. I was definitely attracted to this man and not just on a physical level, but a cerebral level too.

"I…I don't recognize the song."

Edward blushed, giving himself away before he even had the chance to reply.

"Wow," I murmured, amazed. "I'm duly impressed. You definitely have options if you fail as an actor."

And with that, Edward burst out laughing, immediately dispelling the mounting awkwardness between us. When I realized how completely inappropriate my comment was, I couldn't help but laugh too.

"I can't believe I just said that," I groaned, ducking my head to try and hide my embarrassment. "I really didn't mean it like that. I mean, I'm sure you're a very talented actor. I've never actually seen any of your movies, but I'm certain you must be talented…"

Edward only laughed harder as I very nearly swallowed my entire foot whole. I mean, what on earth was I saying, anyway?

"All right, then," I said with a perfunctory shake of my head. "I think I'm going to keep my mouth shut now from here on out. I'm obviously incapable of expressing myself without insulting you," I half mumbled half laughed while playfully rolling my eyes.

When Edward stopped laughing long enough to collect himself, he asked me if I had really never seen any of his films. I shook my head, no.

"Not even my turn as a love struck werewolf in the _Deep in the Woods_ trilogy? It's what I'm famous for, after all," he teased.

In all honestly, I hadn't seen the film or even read the books. However, I wasn't completely ignorant of pop culture. I was aware that both the books and the film were wildly successful and made a note to myself to rent the movie with my best friend Alice the next night I had free.

Again, I shook my head, indicating to Edward that I had in fact, not seen the film. He stared at me for a moment before resting back against his seat, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Just then, the stewardess came over the intercom and announced that we'd be landing in twenty minutes. I listened to the end of Edward's song before handing him back his iPod.

"Thanks for sharing that with me, Edward. I really enjoyed listening to it. You're very talented," I said in earnest. My words really weren't meant to flatter him. His music really was something I could imagine being popular in the mainstream music scene. Edward appeared genuinely pleased by my comments and smiled appreciatively at my praise.

Soon the plane was descending through the clouds. At some point in time while Edward and I were talking, the sky had morphed from pitch black into a beautiful palette of reds, oranges and pinks. The sun was peeking out from the clouds now as it started its ascent high into the sky and I couldn't believe five hours had already passed. My eyes were burning from staying awake the entire flight, but it had been worth it. Spending time with Edward had been worth it.

"I've enjoyed talking to you, Bella," he said as our time together slowly started to draw to a close.

I looked over at him and saw that he was looking down at his hands which were folded neatly in his lap. Then he looked up at me and smiled the most beautifully crooked smile I had ever seen, and I was momentarily rendered speechless. When I finally managed to find my voice, I smiled shyly back at him, letting him know I'd thoroughly enjoyed talking to him too. And I had. _I really had_. Meeting Edward Cullen on a flight from L.A. to New York had been a highly unexpected, yet thoroughly pleasant surprise. And I could have been wrong, but I really felt as if the feeling was mutual, as if Edward had enjoyed himself just as much as I had. Almost as if on cue, Edward turned to me, his green eyes burning into mine.

"I'll be in New York for awhile," he said. "If you'd like, maybe we could grab a bite to eat one night."

I could not have been more shocked if Edward had gotten down on one knee and proposed. Okay…perhaps that might have been _marginally_ more shocking, but needless to say his offer took me completely off guard. Was Edward Cullen asking me, Bella Swan, the most ordinary of girls, out on a date? My heart thundered madly in my chest and I felt my breath quicken as I unwittingly started to shake.

"You're shaking again," Edward noted, looking at me with a mixture of curiosity, and if I wasn't mistaken, concern.

"I…I'm sorry," I stammered rather awkwardly, feeling utterly ridiculous and exposed. Surely he could see the effect he had on me, and that simultaneously thrilled and terrified me. Edward narrowed his eyes at me, studying me closely for a moment's time before a slow, easy smile spread across his face.

"Give me your number and I'll give you a call," he said, his smile now morphing into an unmistakable smirk. And that was all it took. His presumptuous statement immediately snapped me out of my star struck stupor.

"I haven't said yes, you know," I playfully shot back. "I'm actually quite busy, I'm not sure I'll have the time."

The words left my mouth before I had a chance to think about what I was saying.

_Was I actually playing hard to get? _

_Was I flirting with Edward Cullen? _

Edward put on a show of being mildly shocked by my response all the while waiting patiently, phone in hand, for me to give him my number. I was just about to give in and surrender the information when my own phone rang. I immediately recognized the ring tone. It belonged to Alice, my very best friend. Glancing out the window, I saw that we were already on the ground, taxiing down the runway and heading towards the gate. I put my finger up to Edward, indicating to him that he should give me a moment.

"Alice?" I answered in a hushed tone.

"Bella, you're home!" Alice's shrill voice rang out through the phone, loud enough for Edward to hear. He cocked his head to one side, staring at my phone curiously.

"Alice, how on earth did you know I was here?" I asked. I was more than a little perturbed with her for interrupting my conversation with Edward.

"I monitored the progress of your flight on the internet," she explained excitedly. "It said your plane touched down at 5:45 a.m. Let's meet at Starbuck's for coffee!"

I groaned. All I wanted to do was sleep, but Alice was obviously wide awake and chipper and ready to meet the day head on.

"Alice, I really just want to go home and get some sleep before class. Can't we meet for lunch or something?" Alice huffed, seeming highly displeased by my response.

"Bella, you've been gone for nearly a week now. I've missed you," she whined. "Oh, and Johann is counting down the minutes until you arrive."

So there it was. I knew that Alice was more concerned about dropping Johann off than she was about seeing me. I had to laugh at her transparency.

"Alice, can't you bring Johann by later? I'm really tired."

"No, way, Bella," Alice firmly rebuked and I groaned. "Do you realize I had to chase Johann all the way up 5th Avenue yesterday afternoon in my Jimmy Choo heels? God only knows how many people he knocked down as he bounded up the street and there I was, little ole' one hundred five pound Alice, frantically chasing after him."

I chuckled at the image of Alice running up the street after Johann.

"Why was he running away from you?" I asked. Johann was generally very well behaved.

"I don't know, Bella," she sighed. "I think he may have seen a cute girl." And with that, Alice laughed. I could hear Johann in the background then and Alice's voice asking him if he wanted to talk to mommy.

"Alice, no," I protested in vain. I really didn't want to talk to Johann right now. I wanted to finish my conversation with Edward. But it was too late. I heard heavy breathing on the other end of the line that could only belong to Johann and I knew that Alice would not hang up the phone until I'd spoken to him.

"Hi sweetie, how are you?" I crooned, feeling completely ridiculous and trying my best to angle myself away from Edward. "Mommy is going to see you real soon. Be a good boy for Auntie Alice, okay?"

I happened a glance over my shoulder then only to find Edward staring blankly back at me, but before I could decipher what was wrong Alice came back on the line. She told me she was headed to Starbuck's and that she'd meet me at my apartment with Johann in forty-five minutes. I sighed, resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to be sleeping any time soon and agreed to meet her at my apartment then. Several moments later, I hung up my phone and turned my attention back to Edward.

"I'm sorry," I said, offering him an apologetic smile. "I didn't mean to be rude."

Edward was quiet, studying me curiously for a moment before he finally spoke.

"That's okay," he slowly said. "You were…..you were um going to give me your number," he said quietly.

While I was thrilled that Edward was following up with his request, I couldn't help but notice that his tone of voice had changed. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but he came across less cocky now and more…could it be, nervous? I smiled at him, supposing it didn't really matter as I rattled off my number. I doubted he'd ever call, anyway.

Edward entered my number into his phone before slipping it into his shirt pocket. He turned to face me then, and I noticed his expression was suddenly guarded. I watched curiously as he opened his mouth as if to speak, then furrowed my brow in confusion as he paused, staring at me as if he might find the answer to his question swimming somewhere within the depths of my eyes.

"You have children?" He finally managed to say, and I felt my eyes grow wide with surprise.

"What?" I practically yelled before remembering we were still on a crowded plane. I cringed and stared back at Edward with what I could only assume resembled complete and utter confusion. "What did you just say?"

Edward looked straight at me as he asked his question again.

"Do you have children?" He asked again, this time more slowly.

"What on earth would give you that idea?" I wondered, completely bewildered by his question. He at first looked confused, then somewhat relieved…then decidedly embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he muttered as he ducked his head. "I shouldn't have been listening to your conversation. It's just…it was hard not to, what with you sitting right next to me…"

And then it hit me.

"Oh my God, you heard me talking to Johann," I laughed, and suddenly it all made sense.

"Johann's my dog, Edward," I said by way of explanation, reaching out to once again rest my fingers on his forearm. "I promise you, I don't have any children."

Edward looked visibly relieved at my words, both of us exhaling softly as the plane rolled to a stop outside its gate.

"Well, that's a good thing," he said, a gorgeous smile once again gracing his beautiful face as he ran his hand through his hair. And if I wasn't mistaken, Edward Cullen was flirting with me.

"Right," I said, feeling a blush stain my cheeks. I tried to turn away so that Edward wouldn't see but the soft chuckle that escaped his throat told me that he had.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen." A blonde hair stewardess with a nametag that read Bambi interrupted our moment. She leaned past me to speak to Edward, her very voluptuous and obviously surgically enhanced breasts dangling right in front of his face. I wanted to reach out and slap her, but managed to keep my hands otherwise occupied.

"Your security detail will be waiting for you right outside the door. You'll be the first to deplane, of course." Bambi paused and licked her lips before continuing. "If there's anything I can help you with, please don't hesitate to ask."

Edward frowned, muttering his thanks as he gathered up his few belongings. Apparently this wasn't the reaction Bambi had hoped for and she lingered momentarily, staring at Edward expectantly. When he patently ignored her she finally moved away. And I couldn't help it, I inwardly squealed.

My momentary joy was short-lived. As I watched Edward pull his hoody over his head, I realized that this was it; I would probably never see him again. And a part of me was irrationally sad because of it. I'd thoroughly enjoyed my chance encounter with a very famous stranger on a red eye flight from L.A. to New York. And for a moment, as Edward paused and looked at me, offering me one last crooked smile before slipping past my seat, I allowed myself to imagine that he might be feeling the same thing. I also, for the briefest of moments, allowed myself to imagine what it might be like to actually be with Edward Cullen…to be able to spend time getting to know him better. But alas, I knew that could never be.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 03/11


	2. Anticipation

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire, and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 2 – Anticipation**

**BPOV**

**MONDAY MORNING**

My cab pulled up in front of my apartment building and I pulled out a wad of cash, making sure to include a generous tip for the driver. Miguel, the doorman at my apartment building, walked towards the cab and opened my door for me.

"Welcome back, mi hija," he said.

I smiled widely at him. Miguel was a Mexican immigrant who lived in Spanish Harlem with his wife, Consuela. When I arrived in New York City, he'd immediately taken me under his wing. He looked out for me, as did Consuela. She frequently sent Miguel with delicious home cooked meals for me. Miguel was also a big help with Johann, walking him for me during his lunch break when I was gone during the day.

Miguel carried my one piece of luggage to the elevator where I assured him I could manage the rest of the way. I yawned, rubbing my eyes with my hands while waiting for the elevator doors to open. When they finally did, I stepped inside and pressed 10. I was on the top floor of the building in a very spacious one bedroom apartment, thanks, once again, to my wealthy father. As I walked down the hall towards my apartment, I heard a door open. Glancing up, I caught sight of my neighbor Mike Newton.

"Hey, Bella!" He greeted me jovially. "How was L.A.?"

I raised my hand to him, offering him a small wave. "It was great, Mike, but it's good to be back."

"How's your father?"

"He's well, thanks for asking."

Mike and I stood in the hallway, sharing a slightly awkward moment of silence before he bid me farewell and headed towards the stairs. Mike worked on Wall Street and was generally gone from early in the morning until late at night. Thankfully, that meant our paths rarely crossed. We'd briefly dated when he first moved into the building a little over a year ago, but our schedules weren't compatible. Also, I hadn't felt that certain _spark _with him. Not that I'd ever actually felt that spark before, but I was certain there must be something more to being in love than what I'd felt with Mike. So, we'd fizzled out and now just exchanged pleasantries when we happened to bump into each other. This suited me just fine. I didn't really have time for complications in my life, anyway.

This was technically my senior year at Julliard. It had taken me five years to complete my studies with generous amounts of time off to perform as both a soloist and part of a string trio. I'd committed to finishing my studies this year, however, which meant the next nine months of my life would be insanely busy. I'd have little time for anything other than music.

As I drew near to my apartment, I heard multiple voices coming from behind the door. Alice wasn't alone. I glanced at my watch – it read 6:45 a.m. I shook my head, laughing to myself. Jasper must have stayed over with Alice last night. There was no other reason he would have dragged himself out of bed at this hour of the morning. Besides Alice, Jasper Whitlock was the closest friend I had. He was also Alice's boyfriend. I'd met him partway through my sophomore year at Julliard. He was a freshman violin major at the time. We'd immediately hit it off and together with a freshman viola player, Jacob Black, had formed our own ensemble group, Heaven's Gate. We'd been very successful playing locally and had even toured Europe the summer before.

I pushed my key into the lock and turned the knob, but before I was able to set more than one foot inside my apartment I was assaulted by two massive paws and a wet tongue. Johann, my one hundred-seventy pound Great Dane, was beyond excited to see me. It was a wonder I didn't topple over when he threw his weight at me, but I'd been expecting his exuberant greeting and readied myself for the impact.

I waited patiently while Johann, his two front paws resting on either shoulder, sniffed me over and thoroughly licked my face. I wasn't fond of this behavior, but I tolerated it when I returned home from extended absences. Johann was my baby, after all. He had been a Christmas gift from my father my first semester at school. Since I was living alone, he felt I needed companionship as well as protection. Now, Danes are not guard dogs, but they are extraordinarily impressive animals which command a great deal of respect. For those who aren't familiar with the breed, I imagine they would inspire at least a small amount of fear, which is exactly what my father had in mind when he purchased Johann for me.

"Bella!" Alice called my name excitedly from the kitchen. Johann gave me one final lick and headed over to the couch where he promptly jumped up and stretched out.

"Alice!" I returned her greeting with a wide smile. In a flash, she was out of the kitchen and in the living room, engulfing me in a huge hug.

"I missed you," I said as I hugged her back.

"Me, too," she sighed.

I glanced over Alice's shoulder at Jasper, who was rolling his eyes at us and chuckling softly to himself.

"I doubt if there is a set of identical twins anywhere in the world that are as close as the two of you," he laughed.

Alice gave me a final squeeze then released me, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the kitchen.

"This is probably true," she agreed while flashing me a brilliant smile.

Mary Alice Brandon is my best friend, but really, this title does not do our relationship justice. Alice and I met as children, both of us talented young artists. I was a child musical prodigy and Alice was a budding ballerina. We met when we were both 6, at rehearsals for The Nutcracker. Alice was performing in the ballet and I was to play several pieces with the orchestra. Despite the fact that I was painfully shy, Alice and I hit it off immediately. Her exuberant personality was infectious and I couldn't help but fall under her spell.

Alice and I developed a strong friendship over the years. Our common love of the arts bonded us, as did our unique circumstances which had us performing with orchestras and ballet troupes all over the world from a very young age. Our similar lives allowed us to understand and to support each other in ways none of our peers could, although I imagine I would have loved Alice regardless. She was fanciful and fun and decidedly optimistic, but more importantly, she was loyal and loving - the best sort of friend a girl could have.

My friendship with Alice was always important to me, but this was never truer than when my mother died in the spring of my freshman year of high school. If Alice had been my very best friend and confidant before my mother's death, she became my rock after. She was there for me when I was all but unreachable, somehow managing to bring me through the darkest hours of my life. I knew then just as I know now that I would have never made it through without her. I would always be grateful to her for standing by my side and helping to guide me from the dark.

After graduating High School, Alice and I spent a year traveling through Europe. Each of us wanted a break from our intense schedules, feeling like we'd missed out on a lot over the years by focusing solely on dance and music. Somehow, we managed to convince our parents that two unaccompanied eighteen year olds were perfectly capable of handling themselves in Europe. Alice's parents had always been rather clueless and had no reservations about letting us go. My father, on the other hand, had been quite worried. But, he would have done anything to make me happy at that point in my life. I was still suffering greatly from the loss of my mother.

Alice and I returned from Europe the summer before I turned 19, leaving together to attend Julliard soon after. Once in New York, we decided to live apart. It was a mutual decision based partly on my need for a quiet place to practice and partly on our desire to branch out and make new friends. Alice and I had been together for so long, almost to the exclusion of all others. We realized this wasn't healthy and thought it best we try and develop new relationships without ever forgetting the old. Not that it would be possible for us to forget about each other. We both knew there would never be a time in our lives that we wouldn't be the best of friends. There are some things in life you never question, and the permanence of our relationship was one of them.

Four years later, Alice graduated Julliard and was dancing with a troupe in Manhattan while simultaneously pursuing her love of fashion at design school. I, on the other hand, was struggling to finish college.

"Hey Jazz," I said, greeting my friend with a warm smile. Jasper pulled me to his side, squeezing my shoulder while planting a small kiss on the top of my head.

"Hey, yourself," I murmured back.

I stifled a yawn with the back of my hand and Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

"You look so tired," she said while handing me a cup of coffee. I took it from her eagerly, smiling gratefully while inhaling its heavenly scent.

"Mmm, white chocolate mocha," I said with a lick of my lips.

"Of course," Alice laughed with a roll of her eyes.

"Thanks, I needed this."

Bringing the warm liquid to my mouth, I took a small sip to test the temperature before practically downing the entire cup. I drank so fast I nearly choked and Jasper had to reach over and smack me on my back.

"Easy does it, kiddo," he teased. I recovered from my coughing fit just in time to notice Alice studying me intently.

"Why are you so tired, anyway?" She wondered aloud, her eyes several shades of suspicious. "You look as if you haven't slept all night."

"I was on a red-eye flight, remember? As in, the plane flew from L.A. to New York in the middle of the night," I replied with a sarcastic snip to my voice, but Alice wasn't buying it.

"You flew in First Class, Bella. The seats are awfully comfortable…"

As usual, Alice could see right through me. She knew me so well, and this morning she knew that I was hiding something from her. I shrugged my shoulders, choosing not to respond to her. Instead I turned away from her and reached up into the cabinet to grab a glass. I desperately needed some water. When I turned back around, Alice fixed me with a determined gaze.

"Spill it, Bella."

I groaned, aggravated, realizing there was no point in trying to be vague. Alice wasn't going to stop with the questions until she'd pulled the truth from me. It's not that I didn't want to tell her about my run in with Edward Cullen. Of course, I did. She was my best friend…my confident…these were exactly the types of things two girlfriends discussed. But I was tired, and I wanted some time to sort through some things first. It all still seemed like more of a fantasy to me than anything else. But I knew it wasn't. Edward was real, and I'd spent the better part of five hours getting to know him on a very personal level.

"I met someone," I mentioned as casually as possible, figuring it best just to spill the beans. Both Alice and Jasper raised their eyes in surprise, a wide smile splitting Alice's face.

"I knew it!" She squealed. "I knew the minute you walked through the door that something happened. Your face is flushed and you've been avoiding eye contact. You only do that when you're trying to hide something," she teased. "Oh my God, this is so exciting! What's his name? Does he live in L.A.? New York? How old is he? What does he do? Is he cute?" Alice was speaking so rapidly, it would have been impossible for anybody other than me to understand her.

"Jesus Christ, woman, chill the hell out," Jasper laughed while shaking his head at Alice.

"Sorry," she mumbled, hanging her head in apology.

"It's okay," I said, reaching out to gently touch her arm. I knew she was just excited for me, and I truly loved her for that. "Let me see if I can answer your questions in the order in which they were received," I teased. "His name is Edward. I'm not exactly certain where he lives or how old he is for that matter." I hesitated before continuing, wondering if Alice would put two and two together. "He's an actor," I stated in a very matter of fact tone of voice. "And he is…beautiful." That was really the only word I could think of to describe Edward - beautiful, as in drop dead gorgeous and absolutely stunning.

Alice didn't immediately catch on. She was more concerned with my choice of adjectives.

"Beautiful? Bella, what the hell does that mean?"

I shrugged.

"It means he's beautiful, Alice. It's the best way I can think to describe him." Jasper laughed at my description and I shot him an evil glare.

"So, he's an actor," Alice said thoughtfully, momentarily dropping the beautiful issue.

"Uh huh," I said, risking another sip of my coffee. Thankfully, this time I didn't choke.

Alice's brows furrowed and her lips pursed, indicating to me she was deep in thought.

"Theater or film?" She wondered aloud, and I could tell her wheels were turning. She hadn't quite put the pieces of the puzzle together yet, but she was close.

"Film," I said with a noticeable smirk.

"And are any of these films…memorable?" She continued to pry.

"Maybe," I said, biting down softly on my lower lip. Just thinking about Edward brought a smile to my face.

Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

"You're holding out on me," she accused, and I grinned widely. It was so much fun stringing Alice along. In truth, I was surprised she hadn't figured it out yet. Alice was much more in the know about Hollywood than I was and Edward Cullen was clearly a household name.

"Who is it?" She demanded, clearly frustrated with our impromptu round of twenty questions.

I thought for a moment about how to answer her before finally deciding to go with another question.

"What do you think about renting _Deep in the Woods_ this weekend?" I casually asked and Alice glared at me. She still hadn't put two and two together…

"Bella, can we please stick to the subject at hand ..."

Alice froze mid sentence. She stood there, quietly at first, reconsidering what I'd just said. And then her eyes grew wide with understanding and I feared she might actually faint.

"Oh my God!" She shrieked.

"What? What is it?" Jasper asked, clearly bewildered by Alice's behavior. He was obviously not in the know, but neither Alice nor I paid him any attention. I stared at Alice, a knowing smile plastered across my face.

"Are you seriously telling me that you met Edward Cullen? The Edward Cullen?" She gasped, and I would have given anything to have had a camera handy. Alice's expression was priceless.

I nodded slowly.

"Oh my God," she screamed, again. "You can't be serious. Are you? Did you really meet Edward Cullen?" Alice asked me again, obviously having as hard a time wrapping her head around this as I was.

"Who's Edward Cullen?" Jasper interjected, thoroughly confused.

Alice whipped around, glaring at her completely clueless boyfriend. "He's only one of Hollywood's hottest young actors. For the love of God, get with it!"

"Sorry," Jasper muttered, holding his hands up in surrender. "I don't pay much attention to these types of things."

"Don't worry," I said reassuringly. "If it's any consolation, I was talking to him for the better part of an hour before I realized who he was."

"What?" Alice loudly screeched, and I wondered if I would be able to hear anything properly for the rest of the day. My ears were ringing. "You can't be serious, Bella," she said, completely astonished by my statement.

I smiled meekly.

"He was wearing sunglasses. It was hard to tell."

Alice stared at me with a blank expression on her face. "Only you, Bella," is all she could think to say, and I laughed.

"There's more," I said, figuring that since we were having this conversation, I may was well put it all out there.

Alice cocked a brow. "What do you mean there's more?"

"He asked for my number." I answered her quietly, feeling suddenly shy. If Alice was surprised before, she was completely dumfounded now. The look of pure, unadulterated shock that crossed her face managed to coax a small grin from me.

"What did you say?" She asked after a moment. "And please don't tell me you did anything stupid like refusing to hand it out."

I laughed out loud. Alice knew me too well. I rarely, if ever, gave my number out. I just wasn't interested in having those types of complications in my life. But the thought lingered…for some reason, I'd given my number to Edward. Then I reminded myself it was because I was all but certain he'd never call.

"I gave it to him," I said simply and Alice sighed, visibly relieved. "Though I doubt he'll ever call," I amended, a little bit sad.

"Don't you do that," Alice quickly chided. "He obviously saw in you what I see every day," she said, a tender smile spreading across her face. "A beautiful, warm, intelligent and sensitive woman."

My heart swelled at Alice's words, and not because they were sweet but because I knew she truly meant them. Alice was always telling me I didn't think highly enough of myself, that I didn't see myself clearly, but I just shrugged her off. It wasn't that I didn't believe in myself or lacked self-confidence; I just didn't radiate these characteristics like Alice did.

"Thank you, Alice. Truly, I appreciate your words. But let's be honest. This is Edward Cullen we're talking about."

Alice seemed to consider this for a moment before slowly nodding her head. "So, what did you talk about?" She wondered, curious about the details of our encounter.

"Before or after I poured a glass of water in his lap," I groaned.

"You didn't," Alice gasped.

"Oh yes, I did," I sheepishly admitted. "The best part is, I tried to help clean it up and inadvertently grabbed his crotch."

Alice screamed out loud, her hand coming to cover her mouth in mock horror. Jasper was laughing so hard I thought he might spit out his coffee. Through her hand, I could see a devilish smirk forming on Alice's lips.

"Was it hard?" She inquired with a waggle of her brows.

"Alice!" Jasper and I both cried at the same time.

"Jesus Christ, Alice, don't be so crude," Jasper playfully scolded as we laughed together in unison.

"I wasn't groping him, Alice," I said with a roll of my eyes. "Besides, he grabbed my hand and asked me to stop before I realized what I was doing."

I shook my head at the embarrassing memory.

"That's humiliating," Alice said with a laugh while burying her head in her hands.

"Tell me about it," I mumbled.

Jasper sighed, shaking his head while gathering his wallet and keys off the counter.

"You know, I think this is a conversation best left to the two of you," he said before turning to face me. "Practice tonight at seven, okay?" I nodded. "Oh, and beware. Jake hasn't stopped talking about you since you left. I think it's time you had that conversation with him." Jasper's voice was rimmed with mild reproach and I groaned, not wanting to deal with that particular situation but knowing it had to be done.

"Thanks for the heads up, Jazz," I said. Jasper smiled at me and gave Alice a quick kiss on the lips before strolling out the front door.

Alice, who was now perched comfortably atop the counter, glanced down at her watch before turning her eyes back on me.

"I really need to be going, too. But let me make myself clear, we are not finished with this conversation, okay?" Alice pointed her finger at me in warning and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Understood," I said as I playfully swatted her finger away.

Alice hopped down from the counter then and after grabbing her coffee and keys, headed towards the front door.

"Hey," she called over her shoulder to me while opening the door. "How about a late lunch?"

"That sounds great! I'll ring you after class."

"Perfect. Oh, and Bella," Alice paused, turning to me and smiling the most mischievous of smiles.

"Yes?" I asked, thoroughly amused by the expression on her face.

"I've got a good feeling about Edward," she said with a wink and all I could do was laugh.

"No, really, I do."

"Alice, you haven't even met him yet," I said, though I couldn't help but be secretly pleased by her optimism.

"Yet?" Alice repeated my own words, raising her brows in question. "See, you're optimistic, too, Bella. You just don't want to admit it."

"Get out," I yelled, jokingly. Alice smiled at me and blew me a kiss before trotting out the door.

"Later sweetie," she sang, and with that the door slammed shut.

**TUESDAY**

I'd been home for exactly twenty-four hours and Edward had not called. It didn't surprise me. Very little time had passed since we'd parted ways. I was also still convinced he wouldn't call. That didn't stop me from thinking about him though, and I was surprised by how much I really did want him to call. This really bothered me because logically, I realized that even if he did call there was little chance we'd ever be anything more than friends. But, after replaying our encounter a thousand times over, I knew this wouldn't be enough. It was becoming more and more clear to me that I was attracted to Edward Cullen. It was more than that, really. I had felt a definitive connection with him and truthfully, though we were hardly more than passing acquaintances, I wanted more with Edward. I wanted much more.

That, in and of itself, presented a problem. I didn't want to be involved in a relationship right now. Things were going well for me. I didn't have the time, or, more importantly, the emotional strength to commit to a relationship. Yet, here I was, letting my imagination run ridiculously wild, with the possibility of dating Edward Cullen. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I muttered to myself. Yet, the connection I had felt with him was undeniable. It consumed my every thought. I desperately wanted to see him again…at the very minimum, hear his voice.

I very quickly realized I was letting my feelings get out of hand. I was losing control…

**WEDNESDAY**

Forty-eight hours. Edward still had not called and I still wasn't surprised.

I had ensemble practice that evening. I'd skipped out on Monday's practice, too tired from my flight and daytime classes to attend. Tonight, Jake, Jasper and I decided to meet at one of the large practice rooms on campus. It was easier for Jake to join us there as he lived on campus and had no means of transportation. That suited me just fine. I decided not to leave campus after my last class, opting instead to hang around and work on some of my theory assignments. Not that I got much work done - it was hard for me to concentrate. My mind kept wandering off, thinking of Edward.

"Hey, Bella!" I heard Jasper call my name from across the lawn. I looked up and waved at him as he strolled in my direction.

"Crap," I muttered when I realized he wasn't alone. Jake was with him. Of course, I knew I'd be seeing him tonight, but Jasper's words kept coming back to haunt me…

_I think it's time you had that conversation with him, Bella…_

I knew as Jake approached, wearing a huge goofy grin that stretched from ear to ear, that Jasper was right.

"Hey Bella!" Jacob exclaimed, grabbing me up into a huge hug. I hugged him back, not wanting for things to be awkward between the two of us. We were friends, after all, very good friends at that. And friends hugged. It was perfectly acceptable for me to hug Jake. At least that's what I kept telling myself - even as his hands smoothed up and down the length of my back in a more than friendly manner.

"I missed you," he said as he held me close and I inwardly cringed at his words. What could I say in return?

"Me too," I replied meekly. I didn't want to be rude.

Jacob Black was a junior at Julliard, majoring in viola performance. He was here on a full scholarship, all the way from the Quileute Indian reservation in Washington State. Jake and I had gotten along well from the moment we met, much like Jasper and I, and together the three of us had formed our own string trio, Heaven's Gate.

Jake and I spent a lot of time together and admittedly, over the years, we'd grown quite close. But just as friends, or at least that was the case as far as I was concerned. I was sure Jake felt the same, but then several months ago, Jasper started pointing out little things about Jake's behavior that made me wonder. I tried to brush his comments aside because I didn't want for it to be true. I didn't want to have to deal with that sort of complication. I also wondered what Jacob was thinking. Why would he want to ruin a perfectly good friendship by becoming romantically involved? I just didn't see him that way. He was a good friend, yes, but nothing more.

I was brought back to the here and now when Jake draped his arm around my shoulders. "Ready to practice?" He asked while giving me a gentle squeeze. Jasper cast a knowing glance in my direction as he quietly stepped to my side.

"Sure," I said, grateful for Jasper's presence. I reached out, linking my arm with his. If we were going to walk across campus together, I'd walk with my arms settled around the both of them.

Practice went well. We were working on Schubert's String Trio in B Flat Major and it was coming along brilliantly, with the exception of a few tricky passages we still had to work through. Jacob and Jasper were both exceptional players and I considered myself lucky to have found them. Together we formed a solid ensemble.

As we were packing our instruments to leave, Jake walked over to my side.

"So, Bella, do you, um...have any plans for Friday evening? I thought maybe we could grab a bite to eat or something." Jake smiled shyly at me and I knew instantly that he was not asking me this question as a friend. I froze, casting a panicked glance in Jasper's direction, hoping he'd save me.

Thankfully, he did.

"Actually, Bella, Alice was really counting on spending some time with you this Friday. Weren't the two of you supposed to rent a movie?" He snickered. I wanted to warn him not to tease me, but I didn't want to raise Jake's suspicions.

I turned to Jake who looked disappointed, but shrugged it off. "Another time, then," he said, and I smiled lightly at him.

"Of course," I nodded, mentally reminding myself that I did indeed need to set the record straight with him, sooner rather than later. We said our goodbyes then with Jake giving me a quick hug before Jasper and I set out for the metro.

"That was awkward," I said as I breathed in the warm evening air.

"I told you so," Jasper replied with a smirk.

"Ugh, why does he have to go and ruin a perfectly good friendship, Jazz?" I asked in frustration. It really wasn't fair. I didn't want to hurt Jake's feelings. He was a friend…a good friend. But I didn't see him as anything more.

"I'm sorry to say, but you've been sending him signals for awhile," Jasper casually noted and I all but sprang at him.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, highly annoyed.

"You're very affectionate with him. You touch him a lot." Jasper shrugged his shoulders as if he were pointing out the obvious.

"I touch you too, Jazz. All the time!" I argued, but Jasper just shook his head.

"That's different, Bella. I've got a girlfriend."

"How is that different?" I challenged, not really understanding his train of thought.

"It's different because everyone knows I'm with Alice. And everybody knows she's your best friend. Your actions can't be misinterpreted. But you and Jake are both single, so there's always this lingering thought that maybe there's something more. Most friends aren't as physical as you and Jake."

Now I was starting to get pissed. I had never considered that by touching Jake I might be leading him on. My relationship with both the boys was just so natural that yes… I did end up touching them a lot. I didn't like that people were over-analyzing my behavior and making it into something it wasn't.

"Whatever, Jasper," I snapped.

"Hey, easy there. I just don't want to see either one of you get hurt, that's all," Jasper quietly said and I immediately felt bad for raising my voice. Jasper was a pacifist through and through. He hated any type of conflict.

"I know, and I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'll handle it, okay?" I mumbled, not exactly sure when or where that would happen, but increasingly certain that it did _have_ to happen.

"Okay," he said, effectively dropping the subject.

Jasper and I parted ways at the metro. He was heading towards TriBeCa to spend the night with Alice and I was heading back to my apartment where I had no other plans than to sulk over the fact that Edward still had not called.

**THURSDAY**

Seventy-two hours. No call from Edward, yet. My hope is waning.

**FRIDAY**

96 hours. I don't even have to say it. The situation is looking very bleak. Sigh.

I called Alice early Friday morning and asked if she wanted to get together that

evening.

"Of course," she gleefully replied. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well…" I hesitated a moment, a little bit embarrassed. "I thought we'd rent _Deep in the Woods_."

I had no trouble picturing the smug grin that must have spread across Alice's face. She knew just as well as I did that I was hopeless. Hopelessly longing for Edward to call…

"Interested in watching Edward on screen?" She teased.

"Well, it's not as if he's called or anything," I mumbled dejectedly. I was surprised to hear a slightly bitter tone make its way into my voice. "If I can't talk to him on the phone, I may as well watch him on TV."

"Hey, are you okay?" Alice gently pried, duly noting my sour mood.

"Yeah…I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a downer," I replied. "It's just I can't seem to get this guy out of my head and it's driving me nuts. I guess there was a very small part of me that thought he might actually call."

"He may still, Bella. It's only been a few days," Alice gently reminded me.

I shrugged.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I mean, what could come of him calling? He's Edward Cullen, Hollywood's latest and greatest. Me? I'm just plain old Bella Swan."

"Bella Marie Swan do not get me started," Alice sharply admonished. "You are a beautiful woman, on both the inside and out. Edward would be a fool not to call."

I sighed, sincerely appreciating my cheerleader who never failed to lift me up.

"Thanks, Alice. Thanks for the encouragement. Really…it means a lot to me," I said as I hurried out of my apartment, in a rush to make it to class.

"Listen, I've got to run or else I'm going to be late for class. Are we on for tonight?"

"Absolutely! I'll be over at 7. You order the pizza and I'll rent the movie."

"Sounds perfect," I said while darting inside the elevator. "I'll see you then."

My day at school passed quickly. Jasper, Jake and I were able to practice together for a few hours before heading to orchestra rehearsal late in the afternoon. Orchestra was my least favorite part of the music program at Julliard. I preferred to play in small ensembles or as a soloist, but participation was mandatory so I tried to make the best of it. At least I was first chair cello; I enjoyed the leadership role that placed me in. I derived a great deal of satisfaction out of helping guide other cellists in their performance of the selected pieces.

When orchestra let out I immediately rushed home, taking Johann on a quick walk before changing into a comfortable pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. I placed an order for the pizza, pineapple for me and pepperoni for Alice, and plopped down on the couch, waiting impatiently for Alice to arrive. At approximately ten minutes till 7, Alice rang the door bell. I jumped up from the couch and ran to the door.

"Did you get it?" I asked as Alice pushed past me into my apartment.

Alice waved a movie back and forth in front of my face. I grinned when I saw the title.

_Deep in the Woods._

A giddy sort of excitement consumed me and I realized I couldn't wait to see Edward onscreen. Pathetic…I was completely pathetic. But I really could have cared less.

"All right, let's get this evening started!" I announced as I made my way over to the couch to sit down. Alice frowned at me, refusing to budge from her spot.

"Where's the pizza?" She asked through narrowed eyes. Alice was completely anal about waiting to start a movie until the pizza had arrived. It could be very annoying, especially on nights like tonight when I was anxious to watch the movie.

"It will be here soon," I sighed in frustration. "Do we really have to wait?"

"Yes."

"Fine," I huffed while standing up and moving back by her side. "Let me at least put the movie in. That way we'll be ready to start once the food arrives."

Alice seemed to accept this compromise, handing over the movie with a wink. Taking it from her hands, I glanced down at the cover and smiled. There was Edward. Well, at least it looked a little bit like Edward. Okay, not really. He was so much more handsome in real life. He looked sort of like a wax figure on the movie cover.

The doorbell rang just as I inserted the movie and I ran to answer it.

"Excited, are we?" Alice teased as I darted past her. I shot her a warning glance before throwing open the door and paying for the pizza. Food in hand, I made my way to the kitchen were Alice had opened a bottle of 2005 Pepper Bridge Walla Walla Merlot.

"Nice choice," I commented as I served us each several pieces of pizza. Alice grabbed the wine, I grabbed the pizza and soon we were both snuggled together underneath the afghan on my couch.

"I love it when we do this," Alice commented as I eagerly pressed play on the remote. I looked over at her and smiled, linking my arm through hers and resting my head on her shoulder.

"Me, too," I sighed. "We're too busy for our own good these days, aren't we?"

"Much too busy," Alice agreed with a nod of her head before adding quietly, "I miss you."

I looked up at her and smiled.

"I miss you too."

"I feel like I haven't been the best friend I could be to you lately," Alice continued, and I noticed that she averted her gaze.

"Why do you say that?" I wondered, genuinely perplexed by her statement. I sat up then, withdrawing my arm from hers and turning to face her.

"I don't know," she mused, a far off expression on her face. "It's just, with the dance troupe, fashion school and Jasper, I just feel like our time together gets pushed to the back burner." Alice glanced in my direction, casting me a small, wistful smile. I quickly pulled her in for a hug, not wanting her to be sad.

"No need to feel guilty, honey. I'm just as busy as you are," I said as I squeezed her to me. "Besides, I know you're there for me if I need you." This was true. Despite our busy schedules, I never questioned Alice's presence in my life. Not for one moment.

"Always," Alice affirmed, pulling away from me and tugging gently on a lock of my hair.

"So are we going to watch this movie or what?" I asked. Somehow the mood in my apartment had grown very somber and I wanted that to change effective immediately.

"Bring it on, girl," Alice laughed while reaching for a slice of pizza.

Two hours and an entire bottle of wine later, the credits for the movie rolled. Alice and I both yawned, the red wine having definitely mellowed us both out.

"That was actually pretty good," I commented as I stretched my arms out above my head.

Alice nodded in agreement. "I'm surprised. The whole star-crossed lover's thing sounded kind of hokey to me, but I'm interested in reading the books now. It's actually a really compelling love story," Alice noted.

I agreed with her. And though it wouldn't normally have been the type of film I would watch, I enjoyed Edward's performance immensely, and not just because I was wildly attracted to him. Edward's performance was outstanding. He was perfectly cast in his role, and as much as I hated to admit it, so was the female lead. They shared an intense onscreen chemistry, which made me wonder about their relationship off screen. I immediately pushed that thought from my mind, however, because it wasn't really any of my business. Edward was not mine, and he never would be.

"Ready for bed?" I asked as Alice and I both stood from the couch. I decided to forgo cleaning up, which was rare for me. Red wine tended to have that effect.

"Past ready," Alice yawned.

I turned off the lights and made sure the apartment was locked up before Alice and I padded off to the bedroom. Johann tried to jump up onto the side of the bed Alice was to sleep on, but Alice put her foot down.  
"No sir, Johann. You sleep there," she said, pointing to a little used dog bed that lay by the window.

Johann hung his tail between his legs and went to lie down on his bed.

I crawled into bed, happy to submit to sleep. It had been a long week.

**SATURDAY**

120 hours; almost one full week and still no call.

I woke up in a really bad mood on Saturday morning. Alice and I had drunk a few too many glasses of wine the night before and I had a raging hangover. It had been a lot of fun watching Edward prance about on screen, doing a surprisingly good job of portraying a love struck werewolf. He had even managed to look sexy in his wolf form. Go figure. But I'd paid the price for staring at his lovely face for two hours straight. He haunted my dreams. For the first time since I met Edward, I dreamt of him.

The dreams were not happy dreams. In fact, Edward repeatedly appeared to me as a ghostly figure, just out of reach. There was some sort of energy inexplicably drawing me towards him, but when I reached out to him, my hand passed right through him. I shuddered at the memory. It wasn't pleasant. The dreams were irritating and confusing and seemed to be reminding me that though I might want Edward, I could never have him.

Alice left early Saturday morning to attend practice with her dance troupe. With no plans for the day, I decided to go grocery shopping. I headed out after breakfast, pulling my little trolley behind me. I'd practically made a science out of grocery shopping. I never purchased more than would fit inside my trolley. Since I lived alone, and tended to eat out a lot, I didn't need to purchase much, so fitting everything inside generally wasn't a problem.

Once at Whole Foods, I made short order of my list. I had collected all of the necessary food items and was standing in line waiting to pay when I saw him. He was as beautiful as ever, his deep green eyes sparkling even on the front cover of a magazine. I stared at his face shamelessly before averting my eyes. I really did not want to purchase a tabloid, but I couldn't seem to keep myself from looking at him. I let my eyes wander to the headline.

_**EDWARD CULLEN'S WILD NIGHTS OUT**_.

I rolled my eyes. In the corner of the magazine was a picture of Edward with his arm draped casually around a very stunning woman. Both were smiling and looked to be a little drunk. _Do not even think of purchasing that magazine_, I admonished myself sharply. I never purchased tabloids. But that was before I met Edward.

It was my turn to check out. I watched as the cashier scanned the last item on the belt. Without giving it another thought, I grabbed the magazine and thrust it into her hands.

"Add this, please," I muttered, highly displeased with myself for giving in to temptation. Then again, I didn't really care. My curiosity was piqued. I wanted to know more about Edward and if I had to resort to reading trashy tabloids to do it, I would. The cashier smiled at me.

"He's so handsome, isn't he?" She gushed.

"Who?" I wondered, rather stupidly. Because of course, she meant Edward.

"Edward Cullen," she giggled. She couldn't have been older than sixteen. I rolled my eyes. Again. Right. I was crushing on a man that teenagers swooned over. I felt silly at best, but purchased the magazine anyway.

Hurrying home, I quickly put the groceries away before sitting down next to Johann on the couch. I tore open the magazine, thumbing past countless pictures of stars behaving badly before finally finding the article on Edward.

The article was rather boring to begin with. It didn't really tell me anything more than I already knew. It got juicier towards the middle.

_Edward Cullen is the object of everybody's affections. He has a hard time filming on open sets where crazed crowds of love struck women require that extra security be on hand. The excitement doesn't stop when Edward hits the town at night._ _He frequently goes to bars with friends before attending wild nightclub parties until the wee hours of the morning. Here, the women are no less forward in their attempts to win his affections._

The story was sensational. I knew that. It was the pictures of him plastered about the page that sort of made my stomach bind up into one big knot. The first picture was taken while filming _Deep in the Woods_. He was being besieged by out of control fans, the look of sheer horror on his face painful to look at. I at once felt incredibly sad for him, thinking it must have made him very uncomfortable to have strangers groping his body like that.

The next three pictures were difficult to look at for an entirely different reason. Edward was standing with a different woman in each of the pictures. In two of the pictures, he looked slightly drunk. He stood next to a blonde bombshell in one picture and a stunning brunette in another. And while he was touching both these women, there didn't appear to be any intimacy between them. The third picture was different. It was a picture of Edward with his arm wrapped affectionately around the waist of a beautiful, raven haired woman. I glanced at the photo caption.

_Edward Cullen enjoys a night out with Daniella Martinez, his co-star in Deep in the Woods._

I recognized Daniella from the movie, but she was even more stunning in the magazine. And it was clear that she and Edward had a connection, whatever that connection may be.

Feeling the bile rising up in my throat, I slammed the magazine shut. I was actually jealous of Daniella. This had to stop. I had no claim whatsoever over Edward. Any thought that I might was simply preposterous. Still, to say I was disappointed was a grave understatement. I knew I shouldn't have purchased the magazine and I was paying the price now. Trying to force all thoughts of Edward from my mind, I stood up and walked to the kitchen where I promptly deposited the magazine in the trash. I didn't need to be dealing with this type of shit in my life right now.

Needing some sort of emotional release, I played my cello for several hours before heading off to my room for a nap. Not surprisingly, given the week I'd had, I didn't wake up until the following morning.

**SUNDAY**

Sunday was completely uneventful. I spent the greater part of the day holed up in my apartment working on Haydn's Cello Concerto #1 in C Major. I was to perform it as the soloist with the Julliard Orchestra at our end of the term concert in December. Jasper called after lunch, asking if I could meet him at Alice's to rehearse a particularly challenging passage in Schubert's String Trio. I immediately asked him if Jake would be there, not really wanting to deal with that situation just yet. Jasper assured me it would just be the two of us…and Alice, so I agreed to go. Braving the thunder and the rain, I made my way to Alice's where Jasper and I spent several hours rehearsing.

Soon, dinnertime arrived. Alice offered to order take-out, but I declined. It had been a long week and I just wanted to go home. At this point, I'd given up on hearing from Edward. And as hard as it was to accept that our chance encounter had been nothing more than that, I couldn't really be too upset about it.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was for the better that Edward hadn't called. Yes, I'd felt a definite connection with him, the memory of which still continued to haunt me. But Edward and I were from two completely different worlds. More importantly, I would not and could not be in a relationship at this point in my life. And if I knew one thing for sure, I could never just be friends with Edward. The connection I'd felt with him had been too strong and would have overridden any attempt at maintaining any semblance of a platonic relationship.

Walking through the door of my apartment, I flipped on the lights and dropped my bag by the door. Johann looked up at me from where he was sleeping contentedly on the couch before laying his head back down. He didn't bother to greet me. I trudged over to the kitchen and opened the door to the refrigerator, searching for anything to eat. I wasn't in the mood to cook, so I grabbed some of the leftover pizza from Friday night. I placed the pizza on a baking sheet before setting the sheet in the oven. My phone rang just as I was shutting the oven door, and I reached over and grabbed it off the countertop, briefly glancing at caller ID in the process. I didn't recognize the number, but answered the phone anyway.

"Hello?" I said.

There was a brief silence.

"Bella? Bella Swan?"

I froze. It couldn't be. I'd waited one full week to hear that velvety voice again, all but convincing myself that it wouldn't happen. It couldn't be. It couldn't be Edward.

But it was.

"Edward?" I hesitantly asked.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 03/11


	3. Companionship

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire, and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 3: Companionship**

**BPOV**

"Edward?" I hesitantly asked.

He'd called. He'd actually called.

"Bella? How are you?" He asked, and my heart beat wildly in response. The sound of his voice - so sweet and gentle, reverberated throughout my body, causing me to simultaneously shiver and smile.

"I'm…I'm fine, and you?" I stammered, my nerves betraying me. I felt as if I were back in high school, and the most popular boy in school had called to talk to me. It was a rush, a complete and total rush.

"I'm good, thanks." There was a small pause on the other end of the line before Edward continued speaking. "Actually, I just got off the phone with your father."

My father? That was definitely not what I had expected to hear. I furrowed my brow in confusion, figuring I must have heard wrong. Why on earth would he have spoken with my father?

"I'm sorry?" I said, clearly more than a little confused. Edward chuckled softly in response.

"I said I just finished speaking with your father. Actually, we had a very nice conversation. He's a very pleasant man."

Mild panic welled within me when it became clear that Edward had indeed spoken with me father.

"Why…how…?" I stammered, apparently incapable of forming a coherent thought. This conversation was definitely off to a less than stellar start.

Edward chuckled again.

"I lost your number," he explained, and I was immediately skeptical. I'd seen him enter it into his phone on the plane and told him as much, hoping I didn't sound too accusatory. That wasn't my intent, but neither did I plan on so easily letting him off the hook for waiting a week to call.

"Would you believe my phone fell into the Hudson River?" He sheepishly replied in an attempt to explain how he'd lost my number. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"No, I wouldn't," I said, fairly certain he was teasing.

"Right, didn't think you'd believe that one," he laughed. "What if I told you someone swiped it from my back pocket at a club here in the city? Would you believe that?"

"In a New York minute," I replied with a laugh, and Edward laughed with me too.

"I'm sorry about that, Bella," he said, a few moments later, as if he had any control over his phone being stolen. "I wanted to call you before now – hell, I wanted to call you as soon as you walked off the plane, but I had some trouble tracking down your number." Edward spoke softly, sincerely, and I didn't for one moment doubt he was telling the truth. My heart swelled at his words. He had wanted to call me as soon as he'd walked off the plane…

"Is that how you ended up talking with my father?" I wondered, still confused as to how that particular conversation had come about.

"Yes," he laughed before adding, "I'm sorry, I hope you're not too angry."

"No, no," I rushed to reassure him. "I'm not angry, just a little confused. How did you know even know who he was? I don't remember mentioning him to you."

"You didn't," Edward admitted. "I, uh…I Googled your name," he said, clearly embarrassed by his admission. I immediately stiffened, an all too familiar dread threatening to consume me. What had he seen? What had he learned about me? I took a deep breath, desperately trying to settle my suddenly frazzled nerves.

"What did you come up with?" I quietly asked, anxiously anticipating his response.

"Well, there are some fantastic videos of you performing," he offered. "Bella…I really had no idea. You're absolutely amazing."

I felt a blush creep across my cheeks at Edward's words. I hadn't been aware that such videos were posted on the internet, though I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised. These days, _everything_ was on the internet, and that worried me…a lot.

"Thanks," I muttered shyly, equal parts embarrassed by his praise and worried at what else he may have found. I hesitated for a moment before asking him if he'd come up with anything else. I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but the truth of the matter is I was worried he'd read about the accident. Not that this was anything I needed to hide from him per se, it just wasn't something I readily discussed. Truthfully, I only ever talked about it with Alice.

"I discovered you were the daughter of Charles Swan, owner and operator of Swan Vineyards," Edward replied.

That's all? I sighed, immensely relieved.

"So, you took it upon yourself to write down his number and call, huh?" I laughed, momentarily wondering if I wasn't really dreaming. It was incredibly surreal to be standing here, talking on the phone with Edward, discussing a conversation he had with, of all people, my father.

"Yes," Edward admitted. "But not before exhausting more traditional methods," he was quick to add. "I tried to locate your number here locally, but I kept finding myself at a dead end. Your number isn't listed anywhere," Edward exclaimed sounding slightly exasperated.

"I'm sorry," I said, touched that Edward had gone to so much trouble to get into contact with me. "I try not to give my number out. I like my privacy," I went on to explain, and at this, Edward made a soft noise. I could tell he understood exactly how I felt. Of course he did. This was a man who had lost his privacy long ago.

"So you're really not angry with me?" He quietly inquired, as if he were truly concerned I might be. "I just…I really wanted to talk to you again."

The honesty in Edward's voice caused the breath to hitch in the back of my throat. I truly believed what he had to say, and for the first time I considered that perhaps he had been as preoccupied with thoughts of me this week as I'd been of him.

"It's fine, Edward," I assured him, trying my best to put him at ease. And if I wasn't mistaken, he breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm just curious what my father had to say," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"I think he was a little bit shocked," Edward offered, laughing with me. "To be completely honest, he nearly hung up on me, but then I described our encounter in great detail, all the way down to Elgar's Concerto…"

"And that did it for him, didn't it?" I surmised while trying to wrap my head around how Edward had convinced my father to give out my number. This was not something my father would normally do.

"Yes," Edward confirmed with a slight laugh. "He said it was your favorite concerto, therefore I must be telling him the truth." Edward paused for a moment, his voice having turned decidedly lower when he spoke again. "I was rather hoping you would have made it easy for me, Bella," he gently reprimanded.

"What? How?" I stammered, finding this new, lower tone of voice incredibly sexy. It definitely threw me off my already shaky game.

"I thought maybe you would have spoken to him about me," he quietly said, the note of disappointment in his voice not hard to miss.

"Edward, I don't really share those sorts of things with my father," I explained. I didn't want him to misunderstand. I didn't want him to think I hadn't thought about him this week because nothing could have been further from the truth. "It's just, like I said before - I'm a pretty private person."

"I see," he said, but he didn't sound too convinced.

"Besides," I quickly added. "I wasn't even sure you'd call." It was my turn to be honest. I wanted Edward to know this past week had been difficult for me too.

"Really?" He said, clearly surprised by my admission. "I said I would, Bella."

"I know," I said while biting down softly on my lip. I tried to think of something more to say, but came up empty handed. I really didn't want to explain to him why I'd doubted he would call. I didn't want to point out the obvious fact that he was Edward Cullen and I was Bella Swan. Thus far, he didn't seem to be too preoccupied with our differences, so I figured neither should I - at least for now.

"Well, I'm calling you now, and I have a question for you."

"A question?"

"Yes, a question," he laughed before asking me if I was free for dinner tonight.

My knees felt weak and I had to grab onto the counter for support at Edward's words. Was this really happening? Was Edward Cullen really asking me out on a date? I immediately considered that I might be reading too much into this. Maybe Edward just wanted to hang out together as friends. My heart sank at the thought.

"Tonight?" I nervously asked, having to force myself not to get too carried away with my thoughts. Regardless of Edward's intentions, I knew without a doubt that I wanted to see him again. I glanced at my watch, noticing it was already well past eight. Edward must have sensed my hesitation because he immediately interjected.

"It's short notice, I know. I apologize for that. I really did want to call earlier in the week, but that didn't work out," Edward sighed. "We could try for another night if you'd like," he quietly added, and I realized he'd mistaken my hesitation for a _no_.

"I'd love to have dinner with you, Edward," I immediately said, wanting to rectify the situation. "It's just, well…it's been a really long week for me and I'm not sure I'm up to going out. But if you wouldn't mind coming to my apartment, I was going to throw together a ratatouille. You're more than welcome to join me if you'd like." The words fell from my mouth in a nervous rush. I certainly hadn't planned on inviting Edward to dinner, nor had I planned on cooking a ratatouille – my leftover pizza was currently baking in the oven. But, I didn't want to turn Edward down. I only hoped it wasn't too forward of me to invite him over to my apartment.

"Really? You wouldn't mind?" He asked, and he sounded so hopeful I couldn't help but smile. All lingering doubts I may have had over the appropriateness of inviting Edward over were immediately dispelled.

"Of course," I replied. "I'd love your company."

Edward agreed to meet me at my place in thirty minutes. After we hung up the phone, I went into full fledged panic mode. I raced around my apartment, picking up odds and ends and putting them all away. I was by no means a messy person, but I really didn't think Edward needed to see my laundry piled high in a basket on the dining room table, nor did he need to trip over one of what seemed like thousands of Johann's toys that lay scattered about the floor. Seriously, did these toys multiply, or what?

Soon after starting the ratatouille, I raced into the bathroom, stopping short in front of the mirror. I had to admit, Edward could not have picked a worse night to call. It was Sunday, and I'd done very little to myself other than take a shower and brush my teeth. I wondered if I'd even taken a brush to my hair today, as pathetic as that sounds. It had been wound up in a bun on the back of my head for most of the day. Taking a closer look, I decided that my hair had most definitely not been brushed, so I set to work making it look as presentable as possible. When I finished, it flowed freely down my back, a few loose curls draping themselves over my shoulders. I reasoned I looked good enough and turned my attention to my clothes.

I was wearing a pair of form fitting black jeans and a stretchy, black top. I didn't look bad, but then again, I didn't look like a knock-out either. I sighed, realizing that even if I'd wanted to change, I didn't have anything exciting to change into. I am one of those types of people who love comfort, and most of my wardrobe reflects that. Deciding there wasn't much I could do to transform myself into a striking beauty on such short notice, I returned to the kitchen where I finished prepping the meal.

At approximately ten minutes after nine, I heard a soft knock at the door. I jumped, nearly causing the ratatouille to plummet to the floor. Meanwhile, Johann started barking from behind my bedroom door. I'd stowed him away so as not to overwhelm Edward when he first walked through the door. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my out of control nerves before walking towards the door. Edward knocked again, this time a little more forcefully. I reached out, unlocking the deadbolt with shaky hands. I didn't bother looking through the peephole to verify who it was. I knew it was Edward.

I opened the door slowly, and there he stood, in all of his tall, lean, magnificent glory. _Edward_. I shifted nervously from one foot to the next. 'Hey," I said, offering him a weak greeting and hoping to God he didn't hear the tremor in my voice.

"Hi," he said, cocking the same crooked grin he had on the plane. I nearly passed out.

I didn't know what to say or to do next. Honestly, if I had gone with my immediate instinct, I would have reached up and given Edward a friendly hug. Things just felt that natural between the two of us. But, I realized it was probably too soon to initiate that type of bodily contact. Edward might not be receptive to it and I wasn't sure I could handle any sort of rejection. My second option was to shake Edward's hand, and this felt ridiculously formal. We were definitely beyond that, but that only left me with one other option, and that was to do nothing at all. So nothing it was, and Edward reciprocated, doing nothing himself.

A somewhat awkward silence settled between us and Edward and I both fidgeted. I watched as Edward's right hand worked its way into his disheveled bronze locks, his eyes darting nervously about, and I smiled. Somehow the fact that he appeared as nervous as me reassured me and gave me the confidence I needed to soldier on.

"I, um…I brought you some bread," Edward said, breaking the silence. He held out his hand, which firmly grasped a gigantic loaf of bread sheathed in paper.

"You brought me…bread?" I asked while furrowing my brows. Edward's face fell, his hand dropping to his side.

"It's silly, isn't it? I told myself it would be ridiculous to show up at your apartment with a loaf of bread." Edward stared down at his feet, silently berating himself before slowly peering up at me. "I just thought it might be nice with dinner, that's all," he explained before averting his gaze once again.

I immediately felt bad – like I just ran over some child's beloved dog type of bad. My nerves were making me say and do really stupid things and I realized I needed to get my act together before I made a complete fool of myself. "Please, don't be sorry," I said, reaching out to take the bread from him. "I didn't mean to be rude. It was really very thoughtful of you. It will go perfect with the meal."

Edward offered me a small smile, staring straight into my eyes. The intensity of his gaze caused my heart to skip a beat. "I wanted to buy you flowers," he said. "But I wasn't sure if that was…okay." Edward held my gaze, and I wondered whether or not I should answer him. I wanted to scream from the top of the Empire State Building, "Yes, it's okay! It's more than okay!" But instead, I swallowed hard and smiled politely.

"Flowers would have been fine, Edward, but the bread is perfect," I said with a wink, and the smile he dared to flash all but caused me to come undone. "Come on, let's go inside."

Just as soon as Edward entered the apartment, Johann started to bark. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that Johann emitted a thunderous roar from behind my bedroom door. Edward jumped, clearly startled by the sound. I smiled to myself, knowing my father would have been pleased.

"Jesus, Bella, what kind of a dog do you have?" He asked.

"A one hundred and seventy pound Great Dane," I answered him with a laugh. "Would you like to meet him?"

Edward looked a little bit worried, but nodded nonetheless. Walking across the apartment, I opened the door to my room knowing full well what would happen. _Baptism by fire_, I thought to myself as Johann bounded past me. He landed squarely in front of Edward before rising up on his hind legs and placing his front paws on Edward's shoulders. Edward stood very still, watching Johann as Johann studied him. Johann sniffed at his face and gave a perfunctory lick and Edward never once complained.

"Hey there, fellow," Edward said while reaching up to pat Johann on his head. Johann huffed once before lowering himself to the ground. His tail began wagging furiously then and I knew that Edward had passed the test.

"He likes you," I observed with a smile, heading off into the kitchen to check on the food.

"That's a good thing," Edward said while casually looking about my apartment. A few moments later, I heard him murmur something about music. I looked up to find him staring at the four large shelves of CDs that lined the entire front wall of my apartment. Each shelf held upwards of a thousand CDs and they were all filled to capacity.

"You have so much music," he observed incredulously.

"That's only some of it," I laughed. "The bulk of it is at my father's house."

Edward gaped at me, raising his brows in question as if I was pulling his leg. I assured him it was true, and he shook his head in disbelief.

Leaving the CDs, Edward walked over to my piano, a baby grand that sat in the corner by the double French doors that opened out onto my balcony. I watched as he tapped a quick melody in the upper register before ghosting his hand down the keyboard.

"A Steinway," Edward murmured reverently. "This is an expensive piano for someone who's a professional cellist," he mused. He turned to look in my direction then, fixing me with a thoughtful gaze. "Do you play?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Not much anymore." Edward nodded, his gaze wandering to my cello and guitar, each anchored upright in their stands.

"Do you mind?" He asked as he reached out to remove the guitar from its stand.  
"Not at all," I replied. "Go right ahead."

Edward grabbed the guitar and walked over to the couch where he sat down and started absently strumming the strings. I continued to prepare dinner, listening to him play as I did. He didn't seem to be playing anything in particular, just strumming different chord combinations. He was good, that much was obvious. Without thinking, I hummed out little harmonies as he played. I couldn't help it. It was ingrained in me - I was forever trying to harmonize. I grinned to myself, thinking how nice it was to have someone different to pass my evening with.

"So how was your day?" I casually asked while sautéing the scallops for the ratatouille.

Edward looked up from the couch, smiling widely at me as his fingers continued to strum a nameless tune. "It was good, actually," he commented. "Though it's better now," he added with a wink. I ducked my head shyly, blushing furiously but thoroughly enjoying every minute of it. Edward laughed aloud, clearly enjoying my embarrassment.

_Score one for Edward_, I thought. He'd definitely just dazzled me.

"Tell me about your day," I said as soon as I regained my senses.

Edward did, and so it was that we fell into easy and comfortable conversation with each other, much like we'd known each other our entire lives. That's honestly what if felt like as I stood there cooking our dinner, and it was at once exhilarating but frightening too, because I felt drawn to Edward in ways I'd never felt drawn to anyone before. I wanted to be near him…to touch him. I wondered if he felt that way too.

"Dinner smells wonderful."

I froze, shivering at the sensation of Edward Cullen's warm breath ghosting across the back of my neck. He was directly behind me, his body only inches from mine.

"Th…th….thank you," I stammered, completely flustered by his close proximity.

_Score two for Edward_, I thought. He's good.

Edward and I finished preparing dinner together. He sliced the bread and buttered each slice with my homemade garlic butter spread before bundling the pieces together in tin foil and baking them in the oven. I served the scallops on top of the ratatouille, and as we sat down to eat at the little table on my balcony, Edward was practically salivating.

"Hungry?" I teased.

'You have no idea," he laughed.

Conversation over dinner was light and easy. We talked mostly about Edward's new film, a period piece he was quite excited about. Edward was particularly interested in working alongside his love interest in the film, a young woman by the name of Mei Sun. I was familiar with Mei's work. At twenty-one, Mei was as talented as she was stunning, already having won an Academy Award. I have to admit, I felt a twinge of jealousy as I considered that Mei would be spending the next several months working intimately with Edward. I tried hard not to dwell on that though, as it was simply a matter of fact that Edward worked with beautiful and talented women on a regular basis. Besides, Edward and I were just friends - and hardly even that…at least at the moment.

After dinner, Edward cleared the plates and offered to help with the dishes. I thanked him for being so gracious, but told him it wasn't necessary. Edward hesitated then, seeming unsure about what to do next. Dinner was over, and it was already past eleven. Despite the hour, I didn't want Edward to go. Thankfully, it didn't seem like he was in any hurry to go, either. So, I asked him to put something on the stereo while I finished doing the dishes. To be honest, I was interested to see what he would pick.

Edward examined my CDs while I headed into the kitchen. I watched him surreptitiously from the sink, smiling to myself as he studied my collection. Every so often he would pull a case from the shelf, and his brows would furrow and his lips would purse as he considered the CD in hand. But, each time he returned the CD to the shelf, moving on to examine another. After what seemed like forever, Edward reached down and picked up a solitary case that sat atop my disc player. I inhaled sharply, immediately recognizing my mistake, but knowing there was nothing I could do about it now. Time seemed to stand still as he removed the CD from its case, putting into the player and pressing play.

The moment the music filled the room, I froze in place, unable to speak or move. Just as had happened the thousands…literally thousands of times I'd listened to Bach's St. Matthew Passion, I felt as if I'd been smacked in the chest with a wrecking ball, the whole of my heart cracking open and breaking. I took a deep breath, sighing heavily as my eyes fluttered closed. In that moment, I wasn't aware of anything else but the music. The fact that Edward Cullen was standing across the room from me, staring at me intently, meant very little to me. Instead, I gave myself over to the music, my body reacting instinctively as my hands started to tremble in the slightest. As the music progressed, I could feel my heart pounding furiously in my chest and I fought with everything I had to keep the tears at bay.

The image of my mother standing in our great room, her arms passing through the air as she conducted the particular chorale that was playing, was permanently etched in my mind. When she was alive, my mother was a very religious woman, and the St. Matthew Passion had been a favorite of hers. We often listened to it together, and when I was old enough, my mother had explained the meaning of The Passion to me, which only served to make the music more poignant.

Now when I listened to the St. Matthew Passion, to this chorale in particular, the conflicting emotions the music evoked in me nearly brought me to my knees. When I thought of my mother, a serene smile gracing her face as she listened to Bach's masterpiece, I would feel a deep sense of comfort and peace. But when I thought of Jesus as he trudged, broken and humiliated, through the streets of Jerusalem to the site of his own crucifixion, I was consumed with a sorrow so raw it touched the deepest parts of my soul. When that happened, I tried to focus on how meaningful the St. Matthew Passion had been to my mother, and how even amidst unimaginable suffering, Christ had given people hope. His resurrection had given people hope. And though personally I still struggled to make sense of what I believed, I knew what my mother believed, and the comfort and peace the St. Matthew Passion had brought to her never failed to move me. It was truly a magnificent, magical work.

Time seemed to stand still as the music played on. The tears finally came, and I didn't bother wiping them away as they dripped silently down my cheeks and splashed onto the floor. Now that they had come, there would be no stopping them. The emotions that coursed through me when I listened to the St. Matthew Passion were so powerful and all consuming that at times, I felt as if I couldn't even breathe. I could feel myself trembling and I bit down gently on my lower lip, trying to gain even the slightest amount of control over my emotions. As the music drew to a close, I was faintly aware of Edward's presence in the room. Though my eyes were still closed, I could feel him watching me. I swallowed hard, turning towards him and slowly opening my eyes.

He was crying, too.

My eyes opened wide in wonder as I watched the tears fall silently from Edward's eyes. I reached up to brush my own away, laughing nervously in the process. My movement seemed to startle Edward. He shook his head a little, and when he looked over at me, he smiled.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked as his fingers ran underneath his eyes, wiping the tears away.

"Why are you crying?" I wondered in response.

I couldn't answer Edward's question. I didn't really know why I was laughing. I hadn't expected him to cry, but seeing him do so had touched me, and suddenly I didn't feel so alone. It was a relief to share the St. Matthew Passion with someone. I only ever listened to it alone, and it was always so intense. The relief I felt at sharing it with Edward was welcome. It made me smile…and yes….laugh.

"That was beautiful, Bella," Edward quietly said, fixing me with a tender gaze. And in that moment, I wasn't laughing anymore, nor was I crying. I was just trying to figure this man out. This man that was standing before me, who I'd known for less than a week and had already claimed a piece of my heart. Without even trying, Edward had reached me when no one before him ever had. He was a comfort to me, and I wondered how that was even possible when we barely knew each other at all.

"Are you familiar with the St. Matthew Passion?" I asked. It was perhaps the greatest sacred chorale ever composed, but there was always a chance he might not be familiar with it.

Edward offered me a silent nod.

"And are you a religious man?" I quietly inquired.

This time he shook his head. "No," he whispered in response, matching my solemn mood.

"Yet the St. Matthew Passion so obviously speaks to you. Why is that?" I wondered aloud, more to myself than anything else.

"You spoke to me, Bella," he softly replied. "The St. Matthew Passion is a poignant masterpiece, there's no doubt about that. But my body was responding to yours. Your reaction to the music moved me," he explained while quietly holding my gaze.

"I used to listen to it with my mother. She loved the St. Matthew Passion," I softly stated. And in that moment, the tender look that befell Edward's face nearly brought me to tears. I could feel his presence, thick in the room, almost as if he were standing right beside me. Suddenly, I wanted to share more of my mother with him, something I rarely did. I guarded my mother's memory fiercely, but somehow, just as it had on the plane, it seemed right to share her with Edward now.

"She loved this particular version of the St. Matthew Passion," I said, staring forward at nothing in particular. "It's an older recording, and the older recordings tend to favor a slower tempo than some of the more recent ones. Did you know that?" I turned to Edward, not really expecting him to answer me, but he shook his head _no_, anyway.

"My mother preferred the older recordings," I explained. "She never could understand why, in the later recordings, Jesus seemed to be rushing towards his own crucifixion. This made no sense to her. Doesn't really make sense to me, either," I absently noted.

I was quiet for a moment before deciding that was all I could share for now. It was a rather insignificant piece of information, I knew, but it was more than most people would ever know about my mother. It felt odd talking about her, sharing random memories with a stranger; I'd kept her to myself for so long. But it also felt good, and that scared me. I wasn't sure I could risk exposing myself to anyone ever again, let alone Edward Cullen. It just hurt too much to lose them when they finally went away.

I exhaled deeply and cleared my throat.

"Well, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to finish with the dishes," I said, smiling lightly, if not a bit nervously. In truth, I was worried about what Edward was thinking. I was worried he might be scared off by my unexpected emotional meltdown. Logically, he should have been, but instead of bolting out the door, he stood firmly in place.

"I wish you'd let me help you," he said, offering me an easy smile, and I knew in that moment he didn't have any intentions of leaving. I breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad he was staying. I really didn't want him to leave.  
"Absolutely not," I said. "You're my guest. Why don't you have a seat on the couch while I finish. I'll pour you a glass of port, courtesy of Swan Vineyards."

Edward smiled at me and shrugged. "Suit your self," he said.

Walking to the wine rack, I pulled out a bottle of port. I poured Edward a small glass before heading into the living room and placing it on the coffee table in front of him. He was sitting down, strumming lightly on the guitar. I noticed he looked tired, dark shadows rimming his eyes, but he didn't seem in any hurry to leave. I smiled at him before heading off to the kitchen to finish with the dishes.

Edward played guitar the entire time I worked in the kitchen. We didn't engage in any more conversation, rather we simply enjoyed being in the presence of each other. Just as I was finishing up, the strumming stopped. I thought that perhaps Edward had grown tired of playing, but when I looked out into the living room, I saw that he had fallen asleep. Glancing down at my watch, I saw that it was after midnight. Of course he was tired, I reasoned. Time had obviously gotten away from the both of us.

As I walked to where Edward sat, asleep on the couch, I contemplated what to do next. He looked so peaceful and I really didn't want to disturb him, but I knew that I needed to at least try to wake him.

"Edward," I whispered, softly at first, then more loudly as I tried to get his attention. Edward stirred, but didn't wake up. He was snoring now, which made me giggle. Very gently, I extricated the guitar from his lap. I reached out then and shook his shoulder, all the while trying very hard to control the sudden urge I had to run my hand along his cheek. I hadn't noticed it before, but he had the faintest hint of a five o'clock shadow on his face and it was sexy as hell.

"Edward," I called his name again, this time gently shaking him by both of his shoulders. His eyes fluttered open, and when he saw me standing before him, he smiled the sweetest and most contented of smiles.

"Thank you for dinner, Bella," he whispered before slipping down lengthwise on the couch. He brought his left arm up underneath his head and rested his right arm at his side. He sighed heavily, and his eyes once again fell closed. I stared at Edward in astonishment, not exactly sure what to do.

"Edward," I said, somewhat sharply this time, hoping to rouse him from his sleep, but it was to no avail. He was obviously deeply asleep.

It was then that I officially panicked. Edward Cullen was stretched out, asleep on my couch. What in the hell was I supposed to do? I shook him by the shoulder one last time, praying he'd respond to my touch, but he didn't. A moment later, Edward's phone rang. It startled me, and I turned to stare down at it as it vibrated on the coffee table. Again, I wondered what I should do. I knew I couldn't answer it, but I worried that someone was looking for him. Had he come alone? Did he have a driver, or a bodyguard, waiting for him down below? It suddenly struck me that this did not look good for Edward. He'd disappeared into some unknown woman's apartment hours ago, never to resurface. I groaned, really wishing he'd wake up.

The phone rang eleven times before stopping. Ten minutes later, as I paced my apartment trying to decide what to do, it rang again. Edward didn't even stir. Finally, I decided I had no other choice. I had to call Alice.

As I walked to the kitchen to retrieve my phone, Edward's phone rang for the third time. By this point in time, I was beginning to get frustrated. I wished that whoever it was that was calling him would just give up. Edward was obviously not going to answer. And then it hit me, and my panic deepened. Did Edward have a girlfriend? If so, was she expecting him to call? Terror coursed through me as I realized I really knew nothing about this man…nothing at all.

I dialed Alice's number in a panic, creeping past a very serene looking Edward and into my bedroom. Johann trotted in behind me and I shut the door. The phone rang several times before a sleepy and not very happy sounding Alice answered.

"This had better be good, Bella. You realize it's after one in the morning!" She huffed. I cringed, but I didn't have time to worry about disturbing her peaceful slumber right now.

"I'm in trouble, Alice," I said, and her tone of voice immediately changed from one of annoyance to once of concern.

"What's happened? Is everything okay?" She asked in a rush.

I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before answering her question.

"Edward Cullen is asleep on my couch."

"What?" Alice screeched, and then the line fell silent.

"Alice?" I asked after a moment's time. "Are you still there?"

"Yes, yes… sorry Bella," she laughed, a maniacal sleep deprived laugh. "It's just…I could have sworn I just heard you say that Edward Cullen is asleep on your couch."

"He is," I confirmed with a sigh.

If Alice wasn't fully awake before, she was now.

"Bella, what on earth is going on? You left my apartment at seven thirty this evening to go home and cook dinner. You didn't mention anything about meeting up with Edward Cullen!" Alice sounded slightly hurt, as if I had intentionally kept a secret from her.

"Alice, I didn't have any plans to meet up with Edward when I left your apartment," I exclaimed with an exasperated sigh. "He didn't call until after I arrived home."

"He called?" Alice asked.

"Yes, he did."

I could hear Alice squealing in delight.

"Oh my God, Bella, this is so exciting! He finally called! What happened? What did he say?"

I smiled, shaking my head at my crazy best friend. Despite the fact it was the middle of the night I couldn't help but be affected by Alice's enthusiasm.

"He asked me to dinner," I said simply.

"He what? Where did you go?"

"Nowhere. I said I was tired."

"You what?" Alice angrily screeched. "So help me God, Bella, if you screw things up with Edward before they even have a chance to begin I will never forgive you."

"Calm down, Alice," I commanded. "I told him I was cooking dinner and asked if he'd like to join me," I said, trying my best to placate her.

Alice appeared satisfied with my statement, only pausing for a moment before asking me why Edward was asleep on my couch.

"He fell asleep while I was washing dishes," I explained.

Silence fell across the line.

"You were doing dishes?" Alice inquired, completely incredulous. "What on earth is wrong with you, Bella? I mean really, you must be the only woman in the entire universe that would clean dishes with Edward Cullen sitting in her living room. You should have left the dishes," Alice muttered.

I laughed a little, amused by Alice's disgruntled behavior. "Alice, can we please stick with the issue at hand?"

"And what issue is that, Bella? The fact that an international sex symbol invited you to dinner and you refused to go, or the fact that said sex symbol was left to fall asleep on your couch while you did dishes," Alice snapped.

I laughed even harder now, but was interrupted by the sound of Edward's phone ringing again.

"Shit, shit, shit," I muttered.

"What? What's wrong? Is he awake?" Alice asked in a rush.

"No, but his damn cell phone keeps ringing. I think someone's looking for him. Crap, what do I do?"

Alice was quiet for a moment while she sorted through her thoughts.

"I assume you tried to wake him, right?" She asked, gathering all her facts before bestowing her recommendation.

"Yes." I confirmed with a smile.

"Then you have no choice but to leave him, Bella. He'll wake up in the morning, realize what's happened, and probably feel like a real ass. He'll gather his belongings, maybe say goodbye to you if you're awake, and leave. If you're lucky, he'll call you again and invite you out on a date and you, in turn, will accept his invitation," Alice said in a very matter of fact tone of voice.

"So, I shouldn't answer his phone?" I wondered aloud, thinking now that maybe I should.

"No!" She screeched in response. "Do not touch his phone!"

"Right," I hastily replied. "That's what I thought too. It's just, I'm wondering now if he has a girlfriend. Do you think that maybe he does? Who else would be calling him at one o'clock in the morning?" I sounded slightly deflated as I spoke, and I knew Alice would see right through me, sensing my growing dread. She was quiet for a moment before responding.

"I don't know, Bella," she eventually sighed. "I mean, I know what I read in the tabloids. He's been linked to several women, including Daniella Martinez, but other than that, I'm not sure."

"I guess it could just be a friend calling," I reasoned, trying hard to make myself feel better. "Or maybe it's his mother…Jesus, I don't know. Whoever it is, it's not going to look good if he's caught slipping out of my apartment tomorrow morning."

"No, it won't," Alice agreed. "But he's a celebrity, Bella. He's used to dealing with these types of situations. My suggestion is that you get some sleep. With any luck, that ridiculously handsome creature will still be sound asleep on your couch when you wake up. That way you can send him off with a proper farewell."

I laughed, despite my growing anxiety, only to yawn a moment later.

"You're right, Alice. I should get some sleep. This situation will work itself out one way or another tomorrow morning. Thanks for talking to me."

"You're welcome," she warmly replied. "Now go to sleep. And I expect a blow by blow account of your evening first thing tomorrow, do you hear me?"

"Of course," I smiled before bidding her farewell.

Hanging up the phone, I felt only marginally better about my situation. Resigning myself to the fact that there was nothing left for me to do, I changed into a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants before padding back into the living room to turn off the lights. Edward was still sleeping peacefully on the couch, though his feet were now curled up tight against his chest. He looked cold, so I grabbed the afghan off the back of the couch and covered him up, making sure to tuck the blanket up underneath his chin, just like my mother had always done for me. I stood there watching Edward sleep for a little while, fighting against every part of myself not to reach out and touch his sweet face. I sighed heavily before dragging myself back to my room where I promptly dropped into bed, falling fast and hard into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

If you are interested, the specific chorale Bella and Edward listened to is entitled:

O Haupt voll Blut und Wunder from the St. Matthew Passion by J.S. Bach. It is easily found on YouTube.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 03/11


	4. Cluster Fk

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire, and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 4: Cluster-Fuck**

**BPOV **

I was having the oddest dream. I dreamt that I was asleep in my bed, here in my apartment. It was a restless sleep. I was tossing and turning, the covers long kicked off. I was reacting to distant noises - the soft pad of feet across the carpet, the quiet creak of a bathroom door, the quick flick of a switch and the sound of rushing water. The sounds seemed misplaced, yet at the same time strangely familiar. And they bothered me. I lived alone, and it was never a good thing to hear strange noises in your apartment in the middle of the night when you lived alone. I felt as if I might be having an out of body experience. I was asleep, I knew I was asleep, but the sounds and the odd sensation that somebody was here in my apartment with me were so real. I could feel my skin prickle at the thought and I groaned, reaching out to pull my pillow closer. I hated these types of dreams - when things that go bump in the night caused my imagination to run wild. Unfortunately, it was just one of those things I had to contend with because I lived alone.

"Fuck!"

I heard the voice cry out first, then felt the solid form as it lurched forward, crashing onto my bed. I immediately jerked my head up, my eyes open wide in terror. Adrenaline coursed through me as I nervously scoured the room with my eyes. And then I saw it, the form on my bed, frantically scrambling away from me, and I screamed - a bloodcurdling, ear piercing, shoots straight to your gut scream.

"Jesus Christ, Bella! Stop screaming! It's me, Edward!"

I could sense his arms reaching out to me, trying to grab at my hands which were plastered against my face. I screamed even harder and he recoiled before standing up.

"Bella, please, it's me, Edward!" He said, his voice bordering on the hysterical. "For the love of God, stop screaming! You're going to wake up the entire building!"

And then it hit me – Edward Cullen was in my bedroom. And I was wide fucking awake.

"Edward?" I gasped as the events of the previous evening streamed into my hazy conscious.

"Yes, Bella, it's me," he grumbled, his voice distinctly rough.

"Wh…wh…what in the hell are you doing in my bedroom?" I yelled - this time out of embarrassment and not out of fear or shock. I glanced down at myself, quickly pulling the blankets over me. It's not like I was wearing anything risqué - hardly. But the fact is I was lying in bed, with Edward Cullen standing by my side, and it was enough to leave me feeling completely flustered.

I felt Edward's hand come down gently, but firmly over my mouth. "Bella," he said in a voice firm and clear. "I really must insist that you stop yelling. It's going to get the both of us in a heap of trouble."

That may have been so, but I didn't appreciate the fact that Edward was holding his hand over my mouth. I smacked it away before glaring up at him.

"You still haven't answered my question," I spat. "What are you doing in my room?"

I couldn't see Edward's face, but from the way he huffed, I could tell he was highly displeased with me.

"I had to take a leak, all right? And yours is the only God Damn bathroom in the apartment," he muttered as he sunk down the side of the bed and into a sitting position on the floor. He sat Indian style, running his left hand through his ridiculously messy hair. "I'm sorry, that was crude," he added before letting his head fall back against the bed.

I swallowed hard. This was a different side to Edward, a side I hadn't yet glimpsed. This wasn't the charming gentleman I'd encountered on the plane, nor was it the introspective, respectful man I'd passed the evening before with. This was Edward in a raw and rough form and strangely enough, I found it wildly attractive.

"I'm sorry, too. You just startled me," I explained, feeling badly that I'd snapped at him. My breathing was starting to return to normal now and I glanced over at the clock on my dresser to see what time it was. It read five forty-five a.m.

"What happened last night?" Edward spoke quietly from his spot on the floor, his back turned towards me. He appeared ill at ease, his hands fidgeting in his lap. I sat up straight in bed, pulling the covers around me.

"You fell asleep," I shrugged.

"Oh God, how embarrassing," he mumbled while shaking his head.

"It's okay," I immediately said, trying my best to reassure him. He sounded pretty upset. "You were tired. I'm not angry with your or anything."

Edward sighed.

"I'm glad you're not upset," he replied. "But, Bella? It really is not okay," he muttered, and I couldn't help but catch the bitter tone in his voice. "This doesn't look good. I've got seven missed calls from my agent."

Agent? It was his agent calling him last night? A strange sense of relief settled over me when I realized it was not Edward's girlfriend…_if he even had a girlfriend_…that had called last night.

"I know," I sighed, remembering how the sound of the phone ringing over and over again had nearly driven me mad.

"What?" He asked, seemingly shocked by my admission. He turned his head to the side then, looking at me for the first time. I felt my cheeks blush an embarrassing shade of red in response.

"The phone started ringing soon after you fell asleep," I stammered, suddenly feeling as if I'd done something wrong. "I tried to wake you Edward, I really did," I said, becoming more and more animated as I spoke, "but you sleep like the dead."

Edward stared at me for a moment, a curious expression playing on his face before he started laughing. I stared back at him in shock, unable to fathom what he could possibly find so funny.

"My mother says the same thing," he commented while running his hand through his hair again. I was just about to open my mouth to say something, although I'm not quite sure what, when the shrill ring of Edward's phone interrupted me. We both jumped, obviously very on edge.

"Shit," he muttered, quickly rising to his feet and jogging into the living room. I jumped out of bed and followed behind him. Grabbing his phone off the coffee table, Edward glanced at the caller ID before groaning dramatically and flipping it open.

"Hello?" He mumbled in a voice that was low and gruff. It was obvious he was irritated. I watched as Edward listened intently to whomever it was that had called. His face was taught, his brows drawn together in thought. He nodded a few times, but didn't say anything. He was nervous, that much was clear. He was running his free hand through his hair and frenetically tapping his left foot against the floor, both of which were driving me completely mad for very different reasons. The foot tapping was simply annoying, but the hand in the hair? Fuck if I couldn't stop staring at it and wishing it were mine.

"Jesus, Melinda," he practically growled and I jumped a little, startled from my wandering thoughts. "It's not as if I did this on purpose. I fell asleep for Christ's sake!" Edward was practically yelling into the phone and I shot him a warning glance. He needed to calm down. It was my turn to be worried about the neighbors. I was also worried about who Edward was speaking with. Who was Melinda, anyway?

Edward lifted his eyes to mine, acknowledging my non-verbal warning and taking a deep breath in an effort to calm down.

There was a short pause and then Edward spoke again.

"Yes. Yes, I know how it will look if the paparazzi snaps photos of me leaving the building."

There was another pause and then Edward spoke for the final time.

"Twenty minutes? Fine, I'll be waiting inside the apartment."

Edward slammed his phone shut before sliding it into his back pocket. He sighed while scrubbing his hands the length of his face. I wanted to ask him who Melinda was, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate. Instead, I asked him how bad the situation was. He peered at me from behind his hands, which were still pressed against his face.

"It's not bad, Bella," he sighed, shaking his head in frustration. "It's just part of who I am and what I do," he added, as if resigned to an unwelcome fate. "I have an image to uphold, you see, and my agent prefers I don't spend the night out, if it can be helped."

"I understand," I whispered. "And I'm sorry," I added, because I really was. I wished now I had tried harder to wake him last night. I didn't want for him to be in trouble. But I also thought it was a little ridiculous that his agent was policing his life. Was this common practice in Hollywood? I realized I really didn't know.

Edward smiled softly at me while quietly shaking his head. "Don't be sorry, Bella," he murmured. "I'm not." And the honestly with which he spoke his words was so unexpected, I had to turn away. I cleared my throat and announced that I had to use the restroom before fleeing to the safety of my room.

A few minutes later, I emerged from my room. I'd brushed my hair and teeth and was feeling a little better about myself, though not much better about the situation Edward and I currently found ourselves in. I asked Edward what the plan was, and he explained to me that his driver/bodyguard, Ronald, would be arriving shortly. After doing his best to ensure there were no paparazzi hiding in the shadows, he would retrieve Edward from my apartment and escort him back to his hotel. I nodded in understanding and immediately shut Johann inside my room so that he wouldn't cause any problems when Ronald arrived.

I had just mentioned something about starting some coffee when I heard it - that delightfully shrill and sing-song voice that belonged to my best friend.

_Alice._

"Oh, for the love of God," I muttered in frustration while glancing at the clock on the stove. It was six a.m. and Alice was at my apartment. I immediately regretted calling her the night before. I should have known she'd pounce on the opportunity to meet Edward.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked while narrowing his eyes at me. There was a tiny, unmistakable click as the lock on my front door disengaged, and Edward and I both turned in time to see Alice, dressed to kill, of course, waltz into my apartment. Edward looked as confused as he did stunned, glancing nervously back and forth between Alice and me.

"Hello!" Alice trilled, daintily presenting her right hand to Edward. "I'm Alice, Bella's best friend. So nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you!"

_Kill. Me. Now._

This was not happening. This could not be happening. I watched as Edward cautiously extended his right hand forward. "Edward, Edward Cullen. It's a pleasure…at least I think it is," he mumbled. He was clearly not pleased.

Alice didn't seem to notice Edward's rather lackluster greeting and instead, turned her attention on me. She gasped when she saw me, no doubt horrified by my ratty sweats and t-shirt. Truthfully, I hadn't paid them much notice until now. But, looking down at myself, I realized I had not exercised the best judgment when selecting my pajamas the night before. I wondered what Edward must think and happened a glance in his direction, only to find he was starting at me, a look of complete and total disbelief plastered across his face.

"You invited your best friend over?" He mouthed. He looked stunned, as if I'd purposely orchestrated this meet-up. I shook my head vigorously back and forth, desperately hoping he believed me. I didn't want him to think he was on display, that I'd invited my friend over simply to meet him. I didn't want him to think that, but I was almost certain that in that moment, that was exactly what he was thinking.

"I brought coffee, kids," Alice chimed, gingerly placing three cups of brew on top of the counter. I might have craved coffee earlier, but I felt sick to my stomach now. I couldn't even think about drinking coffee.

"Edward," Alice said, turning to address him directly. "I wasn't sure what you would want, so you'll have to settle for black…cream and sugar being optional, of course."

Edward didn't say anything, instead staring at Alice as if she were completely insane. And she was. She was truly nuts.

And then, as if the last twenty minutes hadn't been bad enough, the entire situation went from bad to down right ridiculous, all in a matter of seconds - literally, seconds.

It was the strangest confluence of events that occurred simultaneously. Honestly, all I remember was the look of sheer horror on Edward's face as Ronald lay flat on his back on my living room floor, Johann perched atop his chest.

"What the fuck!" Ronald had yelled only moments before as Johann charged through my bedroom door and leapt through the air, knocking him to the ground. Alice gasped. She'd just announced that she was going to use the restroom when the doorbell rang. Edward reached out and opened the door at the same moment in time in which Alice opened my bedroom door. I realized what was happening, when it was happening, but everything happened so damn fast I couldn't put together the words to warn Alice not to enter my room!

It was chaos in my apartment – complete and total chaos. Ronald was pissed, and yelling at Johann to get the fuck off of him. Edward was desperately trying to assist Ronald, to no avail. "Jesus, Bella, do something!" He yelled. I shook my head trying hard to focus. Alice was still shrieking by my bedroom door and I was finding it hard to concentrate.

"Oh my God, Bella, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, sorry!" She cried, over and over again.

"Johann, heel!" I finally managed to yell while rushing forward to grab his collar. I couldn't fathom what had gotten into him. He never acted like this. My only guess was he'd sensed the tension in the apartment. When Alice opened the door, he'd lunged for the first stranger he saw.

I caught sight of him as I was doing battle with Johann, his pin striped suit and Giorgio Armani cologne unmistakable even amidst this mess. Mike Newton was standing in the doorway to my apartment, and as I looked at him in wild-eyed disbelief, I asked myself, what were the odds? What were the odds that Mike Newton would join this three ring circus? I was cursed, I decided, most definitely cursed.

"Bella? Are you all right?" He worriedly asked while glancing around in confusion. When he looked to the floor, at Ronald lying flat on his back with Johann still perched partially atop his chest, his eyes grew big and wide.

"Who the hell are you?" He demanded, taking on an offensive and accusatory tone.

_Please God, tell me Mike Newton is not trying to save me. _

I tried to interject and make quick introductions, but I was still struggling with Johann, and losing the battle at that.

"Who the hell are you?" I heard Edward angrily ask in retort. I glanced up. Edward was standing perfectly erect, glaring at Mike. He stepped closer to the door, closer to Mike. Mike mirrored his move. I could only stare at the both of them in complete and total disbelief. Was this really happening? Were these two men really going to fight over me? That's what it looked like to me and I decided right then and there that all of this needed to stop.

"Gentlemen!" I yelled sharply. And it was enough not only to grab everyone's attention, but to cause Johann to back off of Ronald too. Ronald promptly jumped to his feet.

"Edward," He seethed. "Let's get out of here, now."

Edward looked from Ronald to me and finally to Mike before sighing and shaking his head. He walked over to the couch and grabbed his jacket and I felt my heart constrict in my chest. Mike turned to me then, searching my face for some sort of explanation as to what was going on, but I had none to offer. I had no earthly idea what had just transpired. I held up the palm of my hand to him, signaling him not to ask.

"Just go, Mike," I sighed. "Everything's okay." Mike didn't move from his spot, and it didn't escape my notice that Edward was glaring angrily at him from where he stood over by the couch.

"Mike, please," I implored, raising my voice up a notch. "I'm fine, really," I assured him, trying hard not to be too annoyed. I couldn't fault him for trying to help me.

"Whatever, Bella," he huffed, obviously annoyed that I was sending him away. "I'll talk with you later." And with that, he left.

An eerie silence blanketed the apartment as all four of us stood still. Even Alice was quiet. And that never, ever happens. I looked at Edward, willing him to look my way, but he was just staring blankly at the floor. My heart sank at the sight. He looked beaten down and sad - maybe even a little bit resigned. I wished he wouldn't feel that way, but I couldn't say that I blamed him. This morning had turned into a complete and total cluster fuck and I was feeling pretty down myself.

Ronald broke the silence a few moments later by purposely clearing his throat.

"Are you ready?" He asked Edward, and Edward nodded, walking to the front door as I followed behind. I wasn't going to say anything. I wasn't going to say anything at all because I knew that everything was all fucked up. This morning was a monumental disaster. We both knew that, and there wasn't anything that either one of could say to change it. I hung back as Edward approached the door, fairly certain he was going to leave without even saying goodbye. But then he went and surprised me. He was partway out the door when he turned to face me.

"Call me," He said while fixing me with an intense gaze. His sea green eyes held my own and I felt as if I had fallen under a spell.

"H…how?" I stammered, completely mesmerized by beautiful shades of green. "I don't have your number."

"Yes you do," he said before cocking a sly smile, and my heart thrummed at the sight of it. "I programmed it into your phone."

My eyes opened wide with disbelief. I wondered when he'd done that, and then it occurred to me that I'd left him alone when I'd gone to the bathroom. He must have programmed it then, I reasoned, my heart swelling with the hope that maybe things between us would be okay after all. The moment was bittersweet, however, as Edward soon left, offering me a small, sad smile before turning and walking out the door.

Once Edward was gone, I stood still for a long moment, replaying the events of the past twelve hours in my mind. It was hard to believe that what had started out as such a beautiful evening the night before had degenerated into such a disaster this morning. Edward and I had been caught up in something greater than ourselves this morning, something completely ludicrous to be sure. Yet, I couldn't help but wonder if this morning's events were only a sampling of what was to come if Edward and I were to spend any more time together. I sighed heavily. What was I getting myself into? Tears stung my eyes as I tried to fight back the feeling of hopelessness that tried to envelop me. I decided then that I needed a shower, and without even acknowledging her, I brushed past Alice and into my room.

I emerged a little while later, only to find Alice waiting patiently for me on the couch.

"I really don't want to talk about this Alice," I said, wishing we could save the game of twenty questions for later.

"I know," she quietly replied. "I just wanted to apologize. I feel like such an idiot for barging in here this morning, and for letting Johann out of your room too. I wasn't thinking," she said with a shake of her head.

I sighed, knowing Alice hadn't meant to set a cataclysmic set of events into action this morning. I didn't want her to feel bad. She was always so good to me. She was there for me no matter what.

"It's okay," I said while finally taking a sip of my coffee. It was lukewarm, but I was going to need all the extra help I could get to carry me through this day. "Let's just forget it ever happened, all right?"

Alice raised her brows in question.

"All right, all right, I know it will be impossible to forget," I laughed out loud, and God did it feel good. I was so ridiculously tense! "But, can we maybe just let it rest…at least for now? I'd rather not spend the morning rehashing it. My heard hurts enough as it is."

"Of course," Alice said while gathering her purse and keys. "I need to be going, anyway. I'll call you later, and if you feel up to it, we'll talk then, okay?" I nodded at her as I walked her to the door. After she left, I gathered my school books and took Johann on a quick walk before heading to campus for the rest of the day.

As it was, my day was particularly rigorous and long. When I trudged down the hall toward my apartment late that evening, I could barely think of anything more than falling into bed. Thankfully, I hadn't had time during my day to dwell on what happened this morning. Of course, Alice had decided to join Jasper and me for lunch and had thoroughly enjoyed recounting the tale, but that had been the extent of it. I was too busy with class and ensemble practices to spend any time brooding over what happened.

I _had_ thought about calling Edward during the day, but it was never the right time. I also wasn't convinced it was the best thing to do. My relationship with Edward, if you could call it that, was already super complicated, and we'd only spent one evening together. I didn't want a complicated life. I wanted consistency. Remove Edward from the equation, and I had consistency. I was happy. Or so I thought.

As I neared my apartment, I noticed there was a small piece of paper sticking out from the door. I reached out and unfolded it, immediately recognizing Miguel's handwriting.

_Mi Hija – Come downstairs when you return home. There is a delivery waiting for you._

Hmm - that was strange, I thought to myself. I hadn't ordered nor was I expecting anything. I almost didn't go back downstairs; I was just too tired. But, curiosity got the best of me, and I made my way down to the first floor of the building where I found Miguel sitting behind the reception desk. He immediately jumped up when he saw me, moving from behind the desk and engulfing me in a huge hug.

"Mi hija," he said while holding me close. "I hear from Mr. Mike that you had an eventful morning." I laughed out loud at that. I really had to, as there was nothing else left to do. Soon the entire building would know of my escapade.

"Yes, Miguel. Remind me to tell you about it later. It was a three ring circus, to be sure. But I'm tired now, and I was just coming to see what was delivered for me."

"Of course, mi hija," Miguel said, smiling at me as he released me. He moved back behind the desk where he reached down to pick up something from off the floor. I gasped when he lifted a large vase full of some of the most beautiful flowers I'd ever seen up onto the countertop.

"You have an admirer," Miguel noted with a devilish smirk, but I was too stunned by the magnificent bouquet of flowers sitting before me to offer anything in reply. There was a card, but I wanted to read that upstairs where I could be alone.

Miguel carried the vase of flowers up to my apartment for me and placed them on the counter inside before leaving me on my own. Sighing deeply, I leaned back against the front door, sliding down until I was sitting on the floor. I drew my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around then before laying my head down and staring at the beautiful flowers. I had no idea what they were, but they were gorgeous. I sighed again, pulling one of my arms free to reach into my back pocket and retrieve the tiny card. With trembling hands, I opened the card, anxious to see what Edward had written. I knew the flowers were from him. They had to be.

I was right.

_Bella _

_Here are the flowers I should have given you last night. I hope you enjoy them. They're Passion flowers. _

_ Eagerly anticipating your call…_

_Edward_

I couldn't help it. I cried. Edward had sent me Passion flowers. I didn't even know such a type of flower existed, and I doubted Edward did either until today. He must have requested them as a reminder to me of the St. Matthew Passion. I tucked the little slip of paper back into the envelope and gazed at the flowers for a long time before finally turning out the lights.

Morning came, and it was much more restful and relaxed than the one before. I still hadn't called Edward, and I was even more conflicted over whether or not to call him than I had been the day before. Edward's flowers greeted me as I made some coffee and I couldn't help but smile. Edward was amazing. He was witty and smart, honest and sincere, and adorably vulnerable too. He was also stunningly beautiful. And he truly seemed to be interested in me.

I still wasn't sure how I felt about that. I mean, I _knew_ how I felt about it. I wanted Edward. I wanted to be with him and touch him and get to know him better. But that frightened me more than I can say, because moving forward with Edward meant opening myself up to him, and that meant chancing heartbreak. I swore I'd never expose myself to anyone in that manner again, and it was a promise I'd been pretty good at keeping…until now.

I called Alice in the morning on my way to school and told her about the flowers. She was beyond excited for me and asked if she could come over later in the day to see them. So it was that I found myself sitting on the couch in sweats and a t-shirt in the middle of the afternoon eating ice cream out of the tub with Alice. I'd shown Alice the note, and shared with her that Edward had given me his number and asked me to call. Of course, Alice was less than pleased when I told her I'd yet to call him.

"You should call him," Alice said, mild reproach evident in her voice.

"I know, I know," I said as I stabbed my spoon into the tub for another mouthful of ice cream. "It's just, after that whole debacle yesterday morning I'm not so sure it's the best idea."

"Don't be daft, Bella," came Alice's sharp retort. "He asked you to call. He signed his note _eagerly anticipating your call_. He programmed his number into your phone for Christ's sake." Alice was turning rabid and it was a frightening sight to behold.

"Easy, Alice! Geez!" I said. "Why are you being so aggressive?" She was honestly starting to piss me off.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she said, testily, and not at all like she meant it. "I'm just tired of watching you coast through life, never giving yourself the chance to experience what it's like to fall in love."

"What?" I said, stunned by her comment. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Jacob and Mike and all the other men you've ever dated that you've never given yourself a chance to know on a more intimate level."

It was with those words that I was officially pissed.

"First of all," I said, narrowing my eyes at her in ire. "I've never dated Jake. I don't feel that way about him and I don't know how to make that any clearer to either you or Jasper."

Alice raised her brows in question, challenging my assertion.

"I don't, Alice," I said emphatically. "And Mike Newton? Be serious, he was never going to be anything more than a friend. That much was painfully clear from the moment he flirted shamelessly with another woman on our first date!" I exclaimed, feeling myself growing more and more agitated. "And furthermore, I just don't see why you are so eager to see me fall in love with Edward! You don't even know him, Alice, and neither do I!"

"Maybe not, but I do know that he's gotten under your skin like no other man ever has. You can deny it all you want Bella, but you can't fool me. And why would you want to? If it were me, I'd be screaming from the rooftops that I'd finally met someone. He's interested in you and you're interested in him. The two of you could be good for each other, if you'd just give him a chance," Alice said, but I didn't want to hear it.

"Please, Alice, would you just stop? I mean, let's face the facts here. He and I are from two completely different worlds! He's a movie star, Alice! He has an agent and bodyguards and a fanatical base of female fans that scream and yell anytime he comes near. He walks red carpets with beautiful woman at his side, he drives expensive cars. He….he…." I tried to finish my thoughts, but I couldn't say anything more; tears were stinging my eyes. I wiped at them, angry they had dared to fall.

"I understand all of that, Bella. Really, I do," Alice said quietly while reaching out for my hand. She knew she had pushed things too far and she was sorry. I could see it in her eyes. "But he's also just a man, so obviously besotted with this woman sitting right here by my side. He called your father to get your number, Bella. Think about that. He fell asleep playing the guitar on _your_ couch. Think about that. He sent you flowers, Bella - you, not someone else, you. He likes you. Why can't you just accept that?"

"Because it just doesn't make any sense," I said while shaking my head sadly. Alice shook hers, too.

"You know what, Bella? You're right. This is your decision to make. I'm going to try my best not to interfere here, but I'm also not going to lie. I think you're making a big mistake if you don't allow yourself the opportunity to get to know Edward better. I'm not saying you have to stand up and declare your love for the man. I'm just asking you, for your own sake, to give him a chance."

I thought about that. I really did. Deep down, I knew that I wanted to give Edward a chance. I also knew there was no use fighting it. I could not deny what I already felt for him. But, I wanted to come to this conclusion on my own. I didn't want Alice to force me into it.

"Alice, do you think you could give me a little bit of time to myself?" I wondered quietly. It hurt me to ask her to leave, but my mind was swimming, every thought of Edward, and I needed some time to try and make sense of everything.

"Sure," she replied, though without much enthusiasm. I really hoped I hadn't hurt her feelings. Alice stood from the couch then and paused, laying her hand gently on my forearm as she spoke. "Call me later, okay?" And as I looked up at her, I knew that we were okay. We might exchange heated words from time to time, but that would never change the way we felt about each other. I nodded and she squeezed my arm before leaving me on my own.

When Alice was gone, I sank down into the couch, my mind reeling with the events of the past couple of days. I thought about what Alice had said, and decided that I would call Edward. I would call him this evening. Alice was right. He'd programmed his number into my phone, so that had to mean something. I thought about what I was going to say when I called but it didn't matter, because at that exact moment in time I heard a soft knock at the door. And somehow I knew. I just knew. It was Edward.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 03/11


	5. Safety

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire, and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 5: Safety**

**BPOV**

I glanced down at my t-shirt and sweats, then over at the tub of ice-cream sitting on the table. Why was it that I was never pulled together whenever Edward was around? Yesterday morning he'd left me in sweats and a t-shirt. This afternoon, I was sitting around in the same thing. Although I couldn't be certain it was Edward, I was fairly sure that it was and I was slightly embarrassed for him to see me like this again. There wasn't much I could do about that now, though. As I sat there worrying about my clothes, the knocking came more forcefully, and I realized, belatedly, that I'd ignored the first round of knocks. Springing to my feet, I crossed the living room and peered through my peephole. And there he was, just as I had suspected.

Edward.

I immediately noticed that he appeared nervous, his eyes casting quick, anxious glances up and down the hallway and his hands stuffed deep inside his pockets. His blue hoody was back and his black Ray Bans sat firmly in place. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"Hey," I said while nervously chewing on my lower lip. It felt strange to see Edward again after yesterday's events, but I was relieved he'd come. He wanted to see me, and as far as I was concerned, that was all that was important. Edward threw me a quick, if not forced smile before glancing down the hall again.

"Hey," he said, and his greeting was devoid of any warmth. I immediately panicked. Edward did not seem happy. What did that mean? Was he upset with me? Was he unhappy that I didn't call? All potential scenarios were running through my mind when he asked if he could come inside.

"Of course," I whispered, feeling silly that I hadn't invited him in sooner. I moved out of the way and he breezed right past me, exhaling sharply once he was finally inside.

"Is everything okay?" I hesitantly asked while closing the door behind me. I turned towards Edward and stared at him. He seemed slightly off, somehow. He wasn't saying very much and he was obviously tense. Much to my dismay, Edward just waved me off.

"I'm fine," he replied, a little too tersely. "I'm just trying to keep a low profile."

I considered what Edward said. It actually made a lot of sense. I knew he had to be careful when coming here to see me. I didn't think either one of us cared to have him photographed entering or leaving my apartment building. I glanced up at him, wishing he'd say something more, but he didn't. Instead, we both stood there for a brief moment of rather awkward silence.

"Could you take your sunglasses off please?" I quietly asked. I didn't like it when Edward left his sunglasses on because I couldn't see his face. I couldn't look into his eyes to try and get a read on what he was feeling.

Edward cocked his head to the side as if my request was strange, but obliged nonetheless. He removed them, giving me a small smile in return.

My heart sank.

Something was definitely wrong. Edward's eyes didn't sparkle as they normally did. Instead, they were dull…almost vacant. His jaw was taught, and his brows were deeply furrowed. Edward turned and started pacing back and forth across the apartment, his right hand running up into his wild bronze locks. He turned to face me several times, though he didn't say anything. He only stared at me, an intense, brooding stare that was beginning to make me anxious. His mind was spinning, that much was clear, and I had no idea why. When he finally spoke, I was wound up so tight I could feel the muscles burning in my shoulders and my calves.

"You didn't call," he said, his penetrating gaze cutting right through me. I blinked a few times.

"What?" I asked, puzzled by his intensity. "Is that why you're so upset?"

"I'm not upset, Bella," Edward scoffed while resuming his pacing.

"Then why are you wearing a hole in my carpet?" I teased, hoping to ease some of the tension.

'What?" He asked. Edward stopped in his tracks, seemingly bewildered by my question.

"You're pacing back and forth like an expectant father, Edward, and I have to be honest, it's making me anxious." I smiled lightly, hoping to God Edward would laugh along with me. Unfortunately, he didn't.

"I am?" He wondered aloud, obviously oblivious to his actions. I nodded slowly and Edward sighed, shaking his head back in forth. He closed his eyes then and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. When he opened them again, he was noticeably more relaxed. He granted me a timid smile and I beamed at him in return.

"That's much better," I murmured, and he laughed.

"Shall we try this again?" He asked and I nodded in response.

Edward walked closer to me, looking down at me. His gaze was still intense, but it was gentler now than before.

"Why didn't you call?" He quietly asked, never taking his eyes from mine.

Edward was standing close enough to me that I could feel his breath wash over my face when he spoke, and I immediately felt myself lose control. My breath hitched in my throat and I could feel my heart hammering away in my chest. Jesus, this guy had an unnatural effect on me. And then I felt it - the crackling, the orb of energy surrounding us that was really starting to freak me out. I stared at Edward, trying desperately to read his expression. He had to feel it too. It was so intense, affecting nearly every part of who I was. But if he noticed it, he didn't let it show. I closed my eyes and looked away. Not because I didn't want to answer Edward's question, but because the feelings I was having were so overwhelming it was hard for me to continue to look Edward in the face.

I jumped a little when I felt it - the soft brush of his skin against my own as Edward took my hand in his. Edward had never touched me like this before and it felt divine. I swallowed hard, vaguely aware of the goose bumps that were littering my skin. Edward squeezed my hand lightly and I could feel the calluses on the pads of his fingers pressing into the palm of my hand.

"Hey," he called my name gently while tugging lightly on my hand and I looked back up at him.

"I'm sorry about what happened yesterday morning," Edward said, and his voice was so honest, his face so sincere that it was hard for me to focus on anything other than the way he was looking at me.

"It's okay," I replied while offering him a shy smile. "I'm not upset about it."

I honestly wasn't. And even if I was, I could never have been upset with Edward. He fell asleep on my couch by accident, and the poor man was nearly crucified because of it. He hadn't done anything wrong and yet here he stood, obviously still suffering because of it.

Edward smiled back at me and gave my hand another small squeeze before letting it go. I immediately missed his touch. I wanted to reach out and take his hand in mine again, but I knew Edward's gesture had been a friendly one. It would be odd for me to do that, so I didn't.

"Good, because I've been worried," he said, watching me closely.

"Nothing to be worried about," I murmured, keeping my eyes on his.

"Then why didn't you call?" He asked again, and I could see that he was bothered by the fact that I hadn't.

"The truth?" I hesitantly asked and Edward nodded.

"Always," he replied, emphatically.

"I wasn't sure you'd want me to call after yesterday's fiasco," I said before looking away. I suddenly felt very vulnerable.

Edward paused, and then reached out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. Stepping closer to me, he rested his pointer finger under my chin and gently tilted my face upwards.

"Bella, if there is one thing you will learn about me it's that I say what I feel and I mean what I say. I wouldn't have asked you to call if I didn't want you to."

I swallowed hard, nodding. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I still wasn't able to meet Edward's gaze.

"Bella?" Edward asked a moment later.

"Yes?" I mumbled into the floor.

"Can I make an observation?" He wondered, and I nodded.

"Your afternoon snack is melting all over your coffee table."

Edward laughed, and I immediately looked up at him and then over to the coffee table.

"Oh geez! I totally forgot about that!" I exclaimed as I hurried to the coffee table to try and clean up the mess. As I was walking to the kitchen to place the ice-cream back into the freezer, I heard Edward clear his throat.

"Bella? Who's Mike?" He quietly asked and his question caught me completely off guard.

"What?" I asked, not sure I'd heard him correctly.

"The man who was standing in your apartment yesterday morning," Edward clarified, sounding slightly annoyed. "Who is he?"

"You mean Mike Newton? The man wearing the pin striped suit?" I wondered where Edward was going with this.

"Yes." Edward answered me quietly.

"What about him?"

"I was just curious who he was," Edward said, averting his gaze from mine.

And suddenly it all made sense. If I didn't know any better, I would say that Edward was jealous. I bit down on my lower lip, trying hard not to smile. The thought of Edward Cullen being jealous of Mike Newton, or any man for that matter, well…the feeling was fantastic. I also considered that if Edward was truly jealous, it all but confirmed that he had feelings for me.

Suddenly, I was feeling confident and playful.

"Why exactly are you curious?" I innocently wondered. I reached up into a cabinet to grab some glass cleaner for the coffee table, and although my back was turned to him, I could feel Edward staring at me. Not surprisingly, he didn't answer my question.

"What happened to 'I say what I feel and I mean what I say'?" I casually asked. And when Edward _still_ didn't say anything I glanced over my shoulder at him. Smiling mischievously, I raised my brows up in question. "Hmm…what's the matter, Edward?" I gently teased. "Cat got your tongue?" And I winked at him. Edward inhaled sharply, and I could have sworn I saw him lose his balance, taking the tiniest of steps backwards to steady himself.

Score one for Bella!

Edward recovered quickly, chuckling softly to himself.

"You win this round," he commented and I smiled at him as I headed into the living room to wipe down the coffee table. Edward moved to sit at one of the bar stools by the counter then and it seemed that the matter of Mike Newton had been dropped.

"So, Edward," I called to him from over my shoulder while cleaning the table. "Would you be interested in hanging around and having an early dinner with me? We could order some take out and hang out," I suggested. The truth of the matter was, my afternoon snack hadn't cut it and I was hungry. I also thought it would be nice to spend a relaxing evening at home with Edward. The last few days had been incredibly stressful for the both of us, it seemed.

Edward looked at me and smiled softly.

"That sounds wonderful, Bella, it really does, but I'm afraid I have a prior commitment this evening."

"Oh," I said quietly, focusing my efforts on the table once again. "Of course you do."

For all the confidence that coursed through me only moments before, I was feeling strangely defeated now. It made sense that Edward had other plans - he was a famous movie star after all, but I was still disappointed.

"What about tomorrow evening?" He suggested a moment later, and as I looked up at him I could see that the sparkle was back in his eyes.

"I could do it after seven," I replied, standing up and walking back towards the kitchen with the dirty rag.

"That's fine," he was quick to answer me. "I could take us out, if you'd like."

I froze in place. I definitely wasn't ready for that. I definitely wasn't ready to be seen in public with Edward, especially after the hysteria of the morning before. At least for now, I preferred to keep our little get-togethers confined to the safety of my apartment. I didn't want Edward to know I felt that way, though. I didn't want him to think I didn't want to be seen with him in public, so I decided to give him a gentle push in the right direction.

"Well, I was thinking of preparing a crab stuffed salmon with steamed artichokes and a tossed salad, but if you'd rather eat out…" I trailed off, leaving the decision up to him.

"We'll dine in," he immediately said, and I laughed out loud.

Edward left a little while later, both of us much more relaxed than when he'd shown up at my door. I was relieved that he'd come over, if only because it was becoming more and more clear that Edward was having the same sorts of feelings about me as I was having about him. I wasn't exactly sure what these feeling were, necessarily, but both of us seemed to be inexplicably drawn to one another. He was probably just as confused by it as I was, I thought, but there was no denying the energy that flowed between the two of us when we were together. And I could not deny the sense of calm and comfort I felt when I was around him, either. Despite our rather unique and very challenging circumstances, it just felt right when we were together.

Of course, these feelings that I was having were beginning to present challenges of their own. I was also having more and more difficulty resisting the very strong urges I had to touch Edward. When we were together, it was almost all I could think about. And God…when he'd touched me earlier…the feeling was so unlike any other I'd felt before. It was hard to believe that the simple act of holding a man's hand could elicit such a reaction from me. I could only imagine what it would be like to be intimate with Edward. And of course, I _did_ think of that.

I was disappointed that Edward couldn't stay for dinner, but I had no choice but to understand. I was standing in the kitchen wondering what I might prepare for dinner when I noticed Edward's flowers sitting on top of the bar. I realized I hadn't even thanked him for sending them to me and I at once felt guilty. The gesture had been extremely thoughtful, in more ways than one, and I felt as if he was at least owed a thank you. I hesitated for only a moment before grabbing my phone and dialing his number. The phone rang once before he picked it up.

"Bella?" He asked, and I swear I could hear the smirk in his voice. "You miss me already?" He teased, causing me to blush.

"Yes," I said before I had a chance to really think about what I was saying. "I mean…no," I stammered, completely flustered. "I mean…damn it, Edward, stop doing that!" I gently reprimanded him.

Edward just chuckled into the phone before asking me why I called.

"I didn't get a chance to thank you earlier…you know, for the flowers," I said shyly. "They're lovely. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Edward paused for a moment before asking me whether or not I'd ever heard of the passion flower and I said "no", but they were stunning. Edward hummed, as if he were considering that thought, then he went and dazzled me.

"They're lovely, yes, but I'd reserve the use of stunning to describe other things. You, for example," he murmured, and my breath hitched in the back of my throat. I realized it was my turn to say something, but I was honestly so wrapped up in Edward's words that I couldn't form a coherent thought. Edward was outright flirting with me now, and I stupidly did not know how to react.

"Thank you," I finally breathed. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I didn't mean to cut Edward off, but I felt it was probably best I ended the conversation before I said something completely ridiculous.

"You're welcome," Edward said, his voice warm and rich, before telling me he'd see me tomorrow.

"Tomorrow," I whispered back, and then I hung up the phone.

I didn't hear from Edward any more that day. That evening, Jasper, Jake and Alice came over. Alice ordered in Chinese while I rehearsed Schubert with Jasper and Jake. When I told Alice that Edward had stopped by, she smirked and gave me that _I told you so_, look.

"You can't stop fate," she whispered in my ear, smirking as she walked away. I just shook my head. I wasn't sure what was at play here, but there was definitely something more to Edward and me than just casual acquaintances now. That much was clear.

We didn't talk about Edward any more that evening. I wasn't entirely comfortable talking about him in Jake's presence. Even though there was nothing between us, I was hypersensitive to Jake's feelings now because of Jasper's comments a few days earlier. I did my best to stay away from Jake that evening, and I felt badly. Several times he went to sit by me on the couch, or to initiate some sort of physical contact, and I moved away. I was suddenly keenly aware of just how much he tried to touch me. I had never noticed it before, and I had undoubtedly responded to his touches without even realizing that boundaries were slowly being crossed. I was annoyed with myself for not seeing all of this sooner, and I was still trying to decide how I was going to handle the situation without making Jake uncomfortable and me seem like an insensitive bitch.

Everyone stayed late that night, with Jasper and Alice hanging out until nearly two in the morning. I was dragging the next day, finding it difficult to get out of bed to get ready for my early morning classes. But I did, only to come back home afterwards and flop back into bed for a few hours rest. I dreamt of Edward again, and again...he was strangely ghostlike in appearance. When I reached for him he melted away, only the essence of him remaining. His essence lingered there, enveloping me. I couldn't have him, but I couldn't get away from him either.

I awoke from my sleep covered in sweat and shaking almost uncontrollably. I wasn't sure why I was having the dreams that I did, but I wanted them to stop. I decided to take a quick shower before heading back to campus for my afternoon class. Thankfully, I felt much better afterwards, chalking up my strange dream to being overly tired and emotionally worked up. The last few days had been an emotional roller coaster for me; I was thoroughly confused about almost every aspect of my life right now. No wonder I was having odd dreams.

I glanced at the clock on my dresser before leaving my room. It was after two already. I had a class at four that I had to attend and I was supposed to be meeting Jake beforehand to practice a duet. As usual, I was running late. I dashed into the kitchen to grab a yogurt and a banana for lunch, and I was just about to grab my keys off of the counter when I heard three loud, short knocks at my front door. I paused, wondering who it might be. I wasn't expecting anybody. The knocks came again in rapid succession, a sort of urgency to them, and I dropped my keys on the counter, rushing to the door. Glancing out the peephole, my eyes came into contact with Edward.

Seeing Edward was highly unexpected. He wasn't due at my apartment until later that evening. I suddenly panicked, thinking that maybe, somehow, we'd gotten our times mixed up. Maybe he thought he was supposed to show up in the afternoon. But that didn't make any sense at all. I continued to peer out the peephole at him and a strong sense of déjà vu hit me. Edward was cloaked in his hoody and sunglasses, his hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his faded blue jeans, just as they had been yesterday afternoon. And just like yesterday, he appeared agitated. He was nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.

I immediately opened the door.

"Edward! Is everything okay?" I asked. Edward didn't respond, instead pushing past me into my apartment where he immediately pulled his hood from his head and removed his sunglasses. I was shocked by what I saw.

"Edward! What happened?" I cried as a wave of panic rushed through me. Edward looked awful. He ran his hand nervously through his hair and started pacing back and forth across my apartment.

"I was under siege and I had to make a quick getaway," he said, his words falling from his lips in a rush. "I hope you don't mind." Edward was breathing heavily and his jaw was clenched tight. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"Under siege? Are you kidding me?" I asked incredulously. Edward threw a pointed look in my direction, clearly frustrated with my response.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" He snapped. I jumped a little at his tone of voice, realizing for the first time just how serious Edward was.

"No," I said quietly. "You look like hell." And at that, Edward laughed. I wasn't actually trying to be funny, but I was glad to see him laugh. He seemed to relax, if only a little bit.

"I feel like it too," he muttered, running both of his hands over his face.

"What happened?" I gently inquired as I took a step in his direction. Edward peered out at me from behind his hands.

"I went for a cup of coffee," he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "A group of girls appeared, asking for an autograph. I was signing a piece of paper when suddenly hundreds…literally hundreds of screaming girls appeared of out nowhere! They were yelling my name and grabbing at me. I panicked. I ran into the street and hailed a cab and had the driver drop me here."

To say I was stunned by Edward's revelation would be a gross understatement.

"Where was Ronald?" I asked, incredulous and not understanding how something like this could have happened.

"He wasn't there," Edward said, shaking his head.

"What? Why?" I thought Ronald was _always_ with Edward. Edward just looked at me, shaking his head yet again.

"It's my fault," he muttered. "I thought I might be able to grab a cup of coffee on my own. Christ, the coffee shop is just around the corner from the hotel. It wasn't like I was going far or anything," he said, clearly frustrated.

My reaction was immediate. I didn't even think before speaking.

"You shouldn't have done that," I scolded, realizing afterward that it really wasn't my place to tell him this, but I was scared for him. He'd been lucky to hail a cab. He could have been hurt. And in that moment, my heart truly ached for Edward. I looked at him standing there in the middle of my apartment, appearing completely beaten down and sad, and I was suddenly keenly aware of what he had to endure on a daily basis. God, it had to be ridiculously hard for him. Not only did he have to contend with rabid fans, but also his every move was shamelessly scrutinized by the press. I wasn't sure how he managed to find any peace in this sort of existence.

"Christ, I'm sorry I just showed up here like this," Edward muttered a moment later. "I just didn't know where else to go. It wasn't safe to go back to the hotel, but I felt safe coming here. I feel safe here," Edward quietly admitted, after which he paused for a moment and shook his head.

"God...did I really just say that?" He asked, more to himself than me, it seemed. Edward's hands found their way into his hair, his fingers flexing as the palms of his hands came to rest against his forehead.

I swallowed hard, admittedly a little shocked by what he'd just said. But I didn't want him to feel embarrassed about it. On the contrary, I was glad he felt safe here. Edward shot me a nervous glance.

"Would you say something please?" He asked, and when I didn't immediately respond, he began rambling. "Right, if you want me to leave, just say so. I really shouldn't have come here. I'll just be going..."

"No!" I all but shouted, panicking as Edward turned towards the door.

"No, Edward. Please don't go. You're always welcome here. I'm _glad_ you came," I said, hesitating a moment before continuing. "I'm glad you feel safe here. I'm just trying to process through everything that's happened, and on top of that, I have class in an hour and I really can't be late. I can't stay, but you're welcome to hang out until I get back. I could cook dinner then, like we originally planned."

The words rushed out of my mouth in what I was certain was a jumbled mess, but apparently, they'd made some sort of sense because Edward was looking at me with a clear look of relief.

"Are you sure that's all right?" He quietly asked.

"Of course," I assured him and Edward sighed.

"Thank you."

I smiled up at Edward then and he smiled back. It was a small, wistful smile, but it was definitely better than the frown he'd worn since the moment he'd arrived. He started to remove his hoody, shrugging it off of his shoulders, and that was when I noticed the deep gouge on his upper left arm - and the blood.

"On my God, Edward! You're bleeding!" I cried.

Edward snapped to attention, panicking when he saw the blood dripping down his arm and onto the floor.

"Your carpet! Fuck, I'm so sorry, Bella!"

I looked up at Edward, stunned by what he'd just said.

"Jesus, Edward, I don't care about the carpet," I cried in disbelief. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a damp cloth before quickly returning to Edward's side. I gently wiped at the blood on his arm and Edward shuddered, jumping a little when my hand made contact with his skin.

"Are you all right?" I asked, worried I was being too rough.

"Yes," he answered me back quietly while studying me curiously, though I wasn't quite sure why. "One of the girls must have scratched me," he mused while I carefully tended to his wound. His voice was flat and devoid of any emotion or feeling, and I could feel tears of anger welling up in my eyes. I tried to wipe them away, but it was no use. I was pissed, and I always cried when I was angry.

"Hey," he called my name softly, looking down at me with concern. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I didn't look up.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, continuing to work on cleaning around the wound.

"Hey," he said again, gently but firmly, and I stopped what I was doing and looked up at him.

"This is nothing Bella - really. I mean, two months ago I was hospitalized when I was hit by a car while trying to escape rabid fans. _That_ was something. This? This is nothing."

Edward was trying to make me feel better. _Me_. He was the one who had been mobbed and wounded by a group of out of control girls, but he was trying to make _me_ feel better. I looked up at Edward, shaking my head in disbelief. He was taking this all in stride, and I didn't understand how he was able to do that.

"That's messed up, Edward," I said, even angrier now than I had been before. "I don't know how you do it."

"What's that?" He murmured.

"How you live your life under the scrutiny of the public eye! How you cope with being chased and harassed by thousands of out of control fans! How you still manage to remain so real despite it all."

Edward smiled lightly at me and it was the kind of smile that told me I was naïve. It wasn't condescending - he just knew better.

"I just do, Bella," he replied. "I don't really have any other choice but to accept my life for what it is. I just try and keep myself focused on my craft and not lose touch with who I am. It's not always easy, but you adjust," Edward said with a shrug.

Just then, I glanced up at the clock on the wall and noticed that I now had less than a half hour to get to class. Edward noticed me looking at the clock and grabbed the rag from my hand.

"You'd better go. You're going to be late."

I hesitated for a moment, really wanting to stay with Edward but knowing that I had to go. "Will you be here when I get back?" I asked, knowing it was probably a silly question but wanting confirmation anyway.

"Where else would I go?" He sighed. "Now go. Don't be late on my account."

I turned and headed towards the front door, pausing on my way out to say goodbye. Edward was still standing in the middle of the living room, looking off into space at nothing in particular. He looked tired. I whispered goodbye and he turned toward me, smiling lightly and waving his hand. I heard him whisper goodbye as the door clicked shut behind me.

I couldn't think about anything else but Edward on my way to school. Thoughts of him consumed me, but when I met up with Jake outside of our string technique class, I was coldly cast back into reality. Jake was obviously miffed at me for skipping out on our practice.

"What happened, Bella?" He huffed. "I thought we were supposed to meet before class to practice."

I bit down on my lower lip, feeling suddenly ashamed and not knowing why. I hadn't done anything wrong, but somehow I felt as if I was engaging in an illicit affair with Edward behind Jake's back. I knew it was just my imagination running wild, and I also knew I had to rein it in immediately or else I was going to drive myself insane. I already felt as if my control over my life was slipping, and I didn't like that at all. Just a few short weeks ago, everything had been as it should be. I was beginning my fifth and final year at Julliard while living in a fabulous city with three of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. And now? Well now my universe had been flipped on end, my life changing so dramatically in just a few short weeks that it was nothing short of incredible.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I sighed. "I was tired from last night. I ended up taking a nap and lost track of time," I said. It wasn't a complete lie, and it was a logical explanation. I wasn't going to discuss Edward with Jake right now. The timing wasn't right.

Jake sighed.

"It's okay. Sorry I snapped at you. School's just stressing me out," he explained while bringing me in for a side hug. I didn't resist because I didn't want him to feel doubly rejected, but I made sure to pull away quickly. "I guess we should go inside," he said once I released him, and I breathed a sigh of relief. For now, I was saved from an awkward conversation.

I rushed out of my class that afternoon, waving a quick goodbye to Jake before sprinting across campus towards where my car was parked. Yes, I was anxious to get back to Edward, but I was also running away from Jake. I was most definitely acting like a coward, but our situation wasn't exactly well defined. It's not as if Jake had ever declared his feelings for me. For me to sit down with him and come right out and ask him if he did have feelings, then turn right around and tell him that I didn't, just didn't seem right to me. I was actually hoping to extinguish Jake's feelings instead, by slowly limiting our physical contact. I thought that over time this might send a clear enough message that I wasn't interested. It made sense to me - more sense than wounding Jake's ego, anyway.

When I reached my car, I tossed my messenger bag in the passenger side seat and slid in behind the wheel. I drove a Pontiac Aztec. I'd purchased one a few years back, the last year they were in production. I loved my car. I still thought it was one of the most inspired and uniquely designed cars I'd ever seen. Others begged to differ. I guessed you either loved it or you hated it, and for me it was the former. It was perfect for me - just enough room in the hatch to fit my cello and still enough room to cart around Alice, Jasper and Jake.

My thoughts slipped quickly to Edward as I made my way home. I sighed, wondering what he was doing. He'd spent the better part of the afternoon alone in my apartment and I hoped that he'd at least taken a rest. He'd appeared exhausted by his run in with his fans this morning, though quite remarkably, he was able to joke about it within minutes of walking through my door. I didn't find it as easy to calm down. I was still really bothered by what happened. Those girls had actually hurt Edward, and to make matters much, much worse, Edward had to go and tell me he had been hospitalized while running away from fans a few months ago! It was all so crazy to me, the idea that people could covet Edward with such intensity that they would be willing to ignore all reasonable boundaries and chase after and touch him. It was really bizarre.

Of course, as my mind reeled with thoughts of Edward being accosted by obsessed fans, the reality of our situation hit me front and center. Whatever it was that Edward and I were doing meant I was now being drawn into the chaos that was Edward's life. I knew for a fact I wasn't ready to handle this. I saw what it did to Edward. I saw how difficult it was for him to endure having his personal space violated on an almost daily basis. What bothered me more was the fact that Edward seemed to be resigned to it, as if it were just a fact of his life now and there wasn't much he could do to change it.

Perhaps he _was_ right. What could he do? He was an international phenomenon, at least according to Alice, and that fact was becoming clearer to me with every passing moment. And I wondered, how would I fit into that? I didn't know, and it frustrated me, but I vowed not to let my emotions get the best of me tonight. Edward had already had a difficult enough morning - I wanted him to be able to relax and enjoy himself this evening.

I arrived at my apartment building thirty minutes later, and I heard the faintest sound of my piano filtering down the hall as I approached my front door. I paused just outside of it, drinking in the sound. I'd never heard Edward play, and I was at once amazed. This man was beyond talented.

Turning the key in the lock, I quietly slipped inside, doing my best not to disturb Edward. After setting my bag on the floor, I moved to the couch where I sank into the cushions and listened to him play. As he played, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to really feel the music. _And I did_. I felt it in every fiber of my being.

I recognized the song that Edward was playing. It was a favorite of mine, _Nocturne No. 2 in E Flat Major_ by Peter Schmalfuss. I opened my eyes and watched as Edward's fingers moved effortlessly across the keys. His back was turned to me, but I could see his body as it moved in time with the music. I swallowed hard and sighed. In that moment, I felt deeply connected to Edward - connected by a shared passion for music. How he played the piano - that's how I felt about the cello. And it was so hard to try and put the emotions that the cello evoked in me into words that anyone could understand. But sitting in my apartment listening to Edward play, I knew _he_ could understand. There was no way he could have played the piano as he did if he didn't.

All too soon, Edward finished playing. He pulled his hands from the keys and sat still for a moment before sighing and turning towards me. Lifting his head, his eyes met mine, and I couldn't recall ever having seen Edward look so relaxed.

"Welcome home," he said, offering me a lazy smile.

"That was amazing," I said in reply while offering him my own warm smile.

"Thanks," was his simple, but gracious reply. Because of course, Edward was modest. This man - an accomplished musician and successful film actor who had every right to be proud and whom you might expect to be arrogant was in fact, nothing of the sort. He was instead, one of the most beautifully humble people I'd ever known. Edward Cullen was a true enigma.

"So, how about some dinner?" I suggested as I stood from the couch. "You must be starving."

Edward smiled sheepishly at me. "I am."

That evening, Edward played the piano for me while I prepared dinner, and I could see now why he was so torn between music and acting. It was clear music was much more to Edward than just a hobby. It was definitely a very large, if not dominant part of who he was. I could see how relaxed and happy he was when he played the piano, and I began to understand his struggle more clearly. I thought about what would happen if I suddenly discovered a hidden talent, something that defined who I was apart from the cello. Would I be able to set the cello aside to nurture and develop that talent? It would definitely be a sacrifice - a sacrifice I didn't think I would be able to make.

"You know how long it's been since I've played?" Edward mused while running through an unnamed etude.

"How long?" I called over my shoulder as I pulled the salmon from the broiler. The artichokes were already steamed and sitting on a platter with ramekins of melted butter and the salad was chilling in the refrigerator. Dinner was nearly complete.

"Almost one year," he stated sadly. I gawked at him, not believing what he'd just said.

"One year? Why so long?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "No time, I guess. And when I do have time, it seems there's never a piano available," he laughed, though it was laced with obvious regret. "I always have time to play when I visit my parents. They tease me because I lock myself away with my piano for days, making up for lost time."

I laughed with Edward. I would do the same if I was kept from playing my cello. I shuddered as a memory from my past worked its way into my conscious. There _had_ been a time when I hadn't been allowed to play, and it had been the most awful six weeks of my life.

"Where are your parents from, anyway?" I asked while carrying our plates out onto the terrace. We hadn't discussed Edward's family yet, and I was curious.

Edward and I talked about his family over dinner. Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme, were still married, a picture perfect marriage fueled by a mutual passion for each other. Carlisle was a successful surgeon while Esme owned her own interior design business. They lived in Chicago now. Carlisle had accepted a job there after their children graduated high school.

Edward told me about his older brother, Emmett. They were Irish twins, born eleven months apart, and they were as different as night and day. Emmett was highly athletic and played football for The Dallas Cowboys. He had dark hair and dark eyes. Edward, on the other hand, was the sensitive, brooding artist - a bronze haired green eyed boy that, until he'd been "discovered", nobody had paid any attention to. At least that's what Edward said. I had a hard time believing it.

Edward explained that Emmett was married to a stunning and sharp mouthed woman named Rosalie. She and Emmett had known each other since grade school, and they had hated each other until their sophomore year in high school when they realized they were madly in love. They'd never looked back and were expecting their first child, a baby girl named Genevieve, in the coming weeks. Edward beamed as he spoke of his little niece that was not yet here. He was looking forward to spending Christmas with her and the rest of his family at their vacation home on Kelly's Island in Ohio.

I was fascinated by Edward, listening to him describe his family and his life. By all accounts, he was just an average boy. His family life was idyllic - a far cry from my twisted past. It made me a little sad, listening to Edward as he shared warm memories of growing up with his family. But I was happy that he had that rock to ground him. He had something to turn to in the face of all the hysteria that surrounded him. I was certain it helped him to remain real, and true to himself.

Dinner ended late. Edward and I talked for hours, mostly about Edward and his family. We never talked about what happened earlier in the day, but the gouge on Edward's arm was a constant reminder that he lived a completely different life than me. Before I knew it, it was after eleven. Edward helped me in the kitchen, refusing to sit aside while I did the dishes. We worked together effortlessly, and in no time at all the dishes were done.

As we made our way into the living room, I found that I was suddenly nervous, which seemed strange to me. I hadn't felt nervous all evening. In fact, I was comfortable around Edward - _too_ comfortable. And then it hit me. I realized I was nervous at the thought of Edward leaving, and I felt myself get a little dizzy. It seemed every time I turned around, my feelings for Edward were growing in their intensity. Wasn't it too soon for this to happen? It felt like it _was_ too soon, but it didn't change how I felt.

Edward and I wandered over to the couch and sat down together, and I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that he wasn't leaving quite yet. He looked over at me then, and smiled.

"Thank you for another exquisite dinner, Bella. You're spoiling me," he said while laughing lightly and rubbing his stomach.

"You're welcome," I laughed in return. "You look like you could use some home cooked meals," I said, teasing him. A couple moments later, I asked Edward if he was going to play me anything more. I hoped he would. I loved listening to him play.

"Hmm…" Edward said while furrowing his brow. His lips came together and curved upwards as he considered my request. Leaning in close to me, Edward appeared to be studying me. He was making me anxious.

"What?" I asked, a nervous laugh escaping my lips.

"Well..." he said, and then paused for effect. "You're the professional musician, and I haven't even heard you play."

I stared at Edward, wide-eyed. He was right. He'd played the guitar for me and tonight he'd played the piano, yet he'd never heard me play my cello.

"I'd love to," I said, standing up from the couch and walking over to where my cello rested in its stand. I took it in my hand before sitting down in an adjacent chair.

"Any requests?" I asked as I propped the cello between my legs and positioned my bow in my right hand.

"Musician's choice," Edward murmured, settling back into the couch.

I started to play, choosing an unaccompanied version of Saint-Saens _The Swan_. I loved this piece, one of fourteen separate movements of a suite of music known as _The Carnival of the Animals_. The music, meant to depict a swan gliding elegantly across water, was lushly romantic. I could and did play _The Swan_ without music. I'd long ago memorized every theoretical facet of the song so that when I played this piece now, I was focused purely on personal interpretation and expression.

This evening, everything fell into place as I played. I felt the music deeply and it resonated in my playing. It was almost as if each note I played was somehow a reflection of my inner struggle to make sense of my relationship with Edward. Tension, doubt, longing, comfort and hope pervaded my thoughts and found their way into my interpretation of _The Swan_. Soon, I lost myself in my music so that when I drew my bow across the final note and let it linger softly, I was surprised to open my eyes and find Edward staring at me in what can only be described as complete and total awe. I was not prepared for his unabashed display of emotion. I bit down hard on my lower lip, feeling a blush creep up my neck and across my face.

"Bella…that was…that was…" Edward stumbled over his words as he continued to stare at me, eyes wide, shaking his head incredulously. "I'm speechless," he finally said. "There just aren't enough words to describe how you just played."

Edward's words caused me to blush harder, and I had to look away.

"You flatter me," I whispered, embarrassed by Edward's praise.

"No," he said simply. "I merely speak the truth."

Looking back in his direction, I met Edward's gaze and smiled lightly. He returned my smile with one of his own.

"Would you mind playing me something else?" He asked a moment later, covering his mouth as he yawned. He was tired, and so was I. But I still didn't want him to go.

"Sure," I said, without giving it a second thought, and I watched as Edward slipped down on the couch.

"Edward," I gently warned.

"Hmm," he said, without looking up.

"You might fall asleep," I teased.

"I was rather hoping that would be okay with you. Your couch is much more comfortable than my bed," he murmured.

"More comfortable than a bed at the Ritz Carlton?" I teased.

"Surprisingly so," Edward hummed. He was growing more tired. I could hear it in his voice.

"Edward," I started slowly, not really knowing what to say. I didn't really want him to leave, but I was worried about the consequences we would face if he spent the night again. Monday morning had not been a pleasant experience. "I'm not sure I can handle a repeat of Monday morning…"

"It'll be fine, Bella," Edward mumbled, not even bothering to look up at me. He didn't seem to be the least bit worried.

"Are you sure?" I pressed. I wanted to be certain this was really okay, especially after what happened today. Edward had essentially been MIA at my apartment since early this afternoon. I didn't want him to get in trouble with his agent.

"Just shut up and play," Edward teased and I gaped at him, mildly shocked at his little outburst. Of course I knew it was only in jest, so I shrugged my shoulders and started to play.

It wasn't long before Edward's body completely relaxed and his eyelids fluttered closed. I didn't try to stop him from falling asleep on my couch this time. I just let him be. I finished my song and put my cello up, moving over to the couch to where Edward laid fast sleep. And just as I'd done two evenings before, I pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and tucked it up around his chin, making sure he'd be warm through the night.

I stood up then, fully intending to turn out the lights in the apartment and head to bed myself, but I realized that I couldn't. I couldn't walk away from Edward. Instead, I leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. His hair was softer than I had ever imagined, like a distant whisper in the wind, and it tickled as it brushed against my face. I buried my face in Edward's hair and closed my eyes, inhaling his delicious scent. He smelled like a spring green meadow bursting with wildflowers – so sweet and so pure. Edward sighed contentedly, and I pulled away, panicked that he wasn't asleep after all. But I watched as his chest rose and fell - evenly, rhythmically, and I listened as the softest of sounds escaped his slightly parted lips, and I knew he was asleep.

I sighed, standing up. Everything had just gotten a whole lot more complicated. And while I was terrified of moving forward, I knew now there was no turning back.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 05/11


	6. Bliss

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire, and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 6: Bliss**

**BPOV**

I awoke to the sound of the shower, and the soft pitter patter of water as it splashed against the shower door. I groaned, rolling over and glancing at the alarm clock. It was 5:30 in the morning. Edward had mentioned to me last night that he had an early morning cast call, but I was annoyed nonetheless. I was not a morning person, and for the last several weeks I'd been awakened at the exact same time every morning. I was never able to go back to sleep.

As I lay in bed, wide awake, I reminisced about my time with Edward. It had been close to four weeks since Edward had found his way into my life and my time with him had been as exhilarating and beautiful as it was terrifying and confusing. Terrifying, because I had never experienced the types of feelings I was having for Edward. I struggled to find even one word that could accurately describe what I felt for him. It was _that_ intense, yet we'd never even shared a kiss. Not a real kiss, anyway. I still kissed Edward goodnight whenever I had the chance - in other words, whenever I knew that Edward was deeply asleep. I cherished those stolen kisses, finding that I let my lips linger on his head for longer and longer periods of time each time that I kissed him.

Aside from my goodnight kisses, which were mine and mine alone, there had been very little physical contact between Edward and me. Of course, there was the occasional brushing against one another in passing, when a definitive energy crackled between us. There had also been one night last week when Edward and I were watching a movie together that he had reached over and taken my hand in his, gently rubbing it for a few moments before quickly pulling away. I distinctly remembered how startled I was by the gesture, and when I'd glanced over at Edward, he'd pulled away so suddenly it was almost as if he hadn't even realized he'd taken my hand. He'd smiled nervously at me and watched a few more minutes of the movie before abruptly getting up to play the piano.

And therein laid the reason that my relationship with Edward was so confusing; somehow, over the short period of time we'd known one another, we'd grown incredibly comfortable with each other, but solely as friends. Of course, we were more than that; at least I felt we were. But neither one of us has taken the initiative to talk about what was actually going on between the two of us, or to move our relationship in a different direction. Instead, we both seemed content to just coast along, enjoying each other's company, eating lazy dinners on my terrace, playing music for one another and watching silly movies on T.V.

Lying in bed waiting for Edward to finish his shower, I couldn't help but smile at the little routine we'd established in our short time together. It had been a little over three weeks ago that Edward had spent the night at my apartment for the second time, and he'd spent every night here with me since. Edward would come to my apartment every evening after work, and we would share dinner and pleasant conversation on the terrace. We mostly talked about Edward's family. He loved to share his stories with me and I loved to listen. I would occasionally share a story of my own, mostly of little adventures Alice and I had shared together growing up. I hardly ever mentioned my family, but thankfully, Edward never asked. He never pried, but listened intently whenever I felt like I did want to share something, which wasn't very often.

After dinner, Edward would generally sit down at the piano to play music. Depending on what time we finished dinner, he'd play for hours. During that time I would complete any necessary schoolwork. I'd taken to practicing the cello earlier in the day so that Edward could play the piano without any interruption from me. He would generally stop playing by eleven or so, right before he was ready for bed.

"Are you ready?" he'd ask me each evening while slipping from the piano bench and sauntering over to the couch. I kept a pillow permanently parked on the couch and Edward would grab the pillow before stretching out on the couch and laying his head on the pillow.

"Sure," was my well practiced reply, and I would put aside whatever it is I was working on to play for him. "What do you want to hear, tonight?" I'd ask while applying rosin to my bow.

Edward's answer depended on how tired he was. If he was very tired, he'd just ask me to play my little 'ditty' for him. I always chuckled to myself when he made that request. My little 'ditty' was a simple, but beautiful little Irish ballad entitled _The Star of the County Down_, and Edward loved it. He'd ask me to play it for him every night while he was falling asleep.

Sometimes when Edward would lie down on the couch, he'd ask me to play other pieces first. He especially loved for me to improvise etudes. I loved etudes. Musically, they were more than just technical exercises meant to develop playing skills. To me, they could be as beautiful as any other composition if played with feeling.

Always, though, Edward wanted me to finish with _The Star of the County Down_. It was rather sweet, really. This grown man, big and strong and sexy as hell, an international film star at that, was at heart just a vulnerable boy, content to be soothed to sleep with a lullaby. This was Edward, at least as I knew him.

I remembered clearly the first night Edward had come to my apartment after I'd already fallen asleep. For the first week of filming, Edward came by before eight most evenings. However, during the second week of filming, Edward had to put in some late nights. Neither one of us had been thrilled with the idea of him spending the night at his hotel. I'd grown just as accustomed to his sleepovers as he had. So I'd given Edward a key, telling him to come over whenever he was finished and to let himself in.

It was after one in the morning the first night filming ran late. I was asleep, but not deeply so, and vaguely registered Edward shuffling about the apartment. I heard him turn the light on in the kitchen then rummage through the refrigerator. I immediately felt guilty. I had eaten out with Jasper and Alice that evening so there were no leftovers. I knew they fed Edward on set, but I still preferred to make him home cooked meals. He loved it, and I loved doing it for him. I enjoyed taking care of him. It made me feel strangely complete.

After tinkering in the kitchen and apparently deciding to snack on a bag of chips, I heard Edward head out into the living room. I thought he'd be tired and want to go to bed, but he didn't. I drifted in and out of sleep. I heard the T.V. on for awhile and even heard Edward strumming a few chords on the guitar. It was almost three a.m. when I heard a soft rap on my bedroom door. I know, because I'd just glanced at my clock a few minutes before. Edward's insomnia was keeping me awake, too.

"Bella?" I'd heard him whisper ever so softly, tentatively. I sat up in bed, pulling the covers with me.

"Yes, Edward. I'm awake," I'd called to him. Edward slowly opened the door, his figure illuminated by the soft light filtering into my room from the living room.

"Oh good,"he'd said, hesitating for a moment. His eyes met mine and they were tired - so very tired. "I can't sleep," he'd whispered. "And I was… I was wondering if you could play your little ditty for me,"he'd asked, smiling sheepishly at me. He'd looked down at the floor then, shuffling his feet around.

I had been overwhelmed in that moment, wanting in actuality to ask Edward to crawl under the covers with me so that I could run my fingers through his hair and sing him to sleep. As I said before, I loved taking care of Edward, and having him stand in the doorway to my room at three o'clock in the morning, asking to play my cello for him, I'd all but melted. This man had me, hook line and sinker, and I wasn't afraid to admit it.

So it was that I played my cello for Edward that night at three in the morning, and wouldn't you know it, he was asleep within minutes. I would normally cycle through the song several times before Edward would fall asleep, but not that night. That night I barely made it through two verses. Every evening after that Edward came home late, no matter what time, he'd knock on my door and I would play for him. Of course, I always covered Edward up and tucked him in after he fell asleep. And yes, I kissed his sweet head each and every night.

"Good morning, sunshine!" The sound of Edward's voice, booming through my bedroom at six in the morning broke me from my reverie. I groaned, opening one eye and peeking out at Edward who was standing in my bathroom door wearing nothing but a towel. My breath hitched in my throat at the sight. He was beautifully sculpted, an exquisite sight for tired eyes.

"Put some clothes on!" I yelled at him, throwing a pillow in his direction.

"Why?" he asked, dodging my pillow as it smacked against the wall and fell to the ground. "You like ogling me. I've seen you." He smiled a wicked smile and I felt myself turn to mush.

I blushed, of course. This was a common occurrence now. In fact, I blushed all the time when I was with Edward because while we may not have established ourselves as anything other than friends, we most definitely flirted shamelessly with one another on a daily basis. He tended to be more playful in the mornings while I came alive at night.

Edward popped back inside the bathroom door. I grumbled to myself as I crawled out of bed, slipping on some slippers before standing up and heading towards the kitchen. It was my job to put the coffee on in the mornings and it was Edward's job to prepare breakfast. Well, there wasn't much preparation involved with breakfast, really. He normally just toasted some bagels or cut up some fruit. Occasionally, he'd make us both instant oatmeal, but neither one of us trusted him to do anything more than this. Edward didn't cook, but that was all right with me.

"Remember, Edward, towels belong on the towel rack, not crumpled up into a little ball in the middle of the floor," I called into the bathroom as I passed by.

"Whatever, Bella," I heard him say, and I laughed. I liked keeping my apartment ordered and clean and Edward tended to be slightly messier than I was. We'd butted heads over this a few times, and I didn't hesitate to remind him that this was my apartment, not his. Of course, it was all done in jest, and he'd roll his eyes at me and I'd smile. But he was learning to pick his towels up, and that was a good thing as wet towels in the middle of the bathroom floor were fast becoming a pet peeve of mine.

I was drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper at the dining room table when Edward emerged from my bedroom. His wet hair flopped haphazardly about and tiny droplets of water slipped down his face. I lifted my eyes from the newspaper, eyeing him warily as he walked in my direction.

"Did you forget to dry your hair this morning?" I inquired curiously.

"No," he answered me as he continued to draw near.

"What are you doing?" I asked, a moment too late. Edward leaned down and vigorously shook his head, drops of water spraying in every direction.

"Trying to get you wet," he chuckled, answering my question in the middle of the act. And we both froze.

I coughed and sputtered, trying desperately not to spit my coffee out all over the table, but I was so shocked by what Edward had said that it was no use. The coffee erupted from my mouth while Edward stood by, looking thoroughly amused.

"That was an interesting choice of words," I said while wiping my mouth with a napkin. I glanced up at Edward who was looking cocky as shit and grinning from ear to ear.

"I know. And they had an interesting effect." Edward's eyes glimmered with mischief and I shook my head, laughing at his antics. _Good God_, I really wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. I could have seriously thrown myself at Edward at that moment - I wanted him that bad. But we were just friends, or so I kept telling myself.

Edward prepared a breakfast of fresh fruit and sat down at the table with me. We both ate in silence, me reading the Business section of the paper and Edward reading the Metro section.

"I have off on Saturday. I thought maybe we could go sightseeing in the City," he said. And for the second time that morning, I spit my coffee out.

"Wh... what?" I sputtered.

"Jesus, Bella, you've really got to get that under control," Edward said while staring at me, bewildered by my behavior.

"What did you just say?" I asked, even though it wasn't necessary. I'd heard him just fine.

"I asked you if you wanted to go sightseeing with me on Saturday and you spit your coffee out," he said, shaking his head in befuddlement.

"You mean, like, out in public?" I inquired meekly while cleaning up my second mess of the morning.

"Yes, Bella, out in public," Edward clarified, seeming a little annoyed. "Why won't you go out with me?"

And there it was - the question I'd been dreading over the course of the last several weeks. I was actually surprised it had taken Edward so long to ask me. He'd of course, offered to take me out to dinner on multiple occasions, and I'd always politely declined, finding some excuse as to why it would be better to dine in. And he never questioned me about it, until now.

"I'm scared, Edward," I answered him quietly… honestly.

"Of what?" he asked, appearing genuinely perplexed. And I wondered, could he really not know?

"I see how the media crucifies people like you," I whispered softly while looking down at the table, too ashamed to look him in the eye. "I don't want to be a part of that."

My words were harsh and totally unfair, and I immediately regretted them. I looked up at Edward and he stared back - a distant, blank stare that caused me to shiver.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Edward shook his head slowly, holding his hand up to keep me from talking.

"Don't be. I may not always like what you have to say, Bella, but know one thing; I will never fault you for being honest with me. Never. Okay?"

I nodded slowly and Edward sighed.

"We should have talked about this sooner. I knew something was wrong," he said, berating himself.

"Don't do that, Edward," I said, feeling slightly annoyed with him for taking responsibility for the situation. "This isn't something I've wanted to talk about."

Of course, I _had_ thought about it; I'd thought about it a lot. But I hadn't really come up with any solution other than for Edward and me to continue spending time with each other inside my apartment. It seemed to work just fine, though I knew we couldn't insulate ourselves forever.

"We can't stay locked inside your apartment forever," Edward sighed, echoing my sentiments while reaching across the table and taking my hand. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I love spending my evenings with you. I haven't been so relaxed and well rested on a movie shoot in a long time." Edward chuckled softly. "You're a good influence on me."

I smiled weakly at him and Edward caressed the outside of my hand with his thumb. Finding myself relaxing, I closed my eyes and focused my breathing while gathering the courage to speak again.

"There will be photographers," I said, more of a statement than a question.

"Probably," Edward nodded.

"There will be questions." Again, this was more of a statement than a question.

Edward sighed, nodding his head again. I could tell he was growing uncomfortable with our conversation. He was much tenser now than he was only moments before. I could feel it in his hand as he rubbed my own, though I doubted he could notice.

"Bella, I'm not sure what you want me to say here," he said, and I could see he was just as flustered as I was. He ran his free hand up through his damp hair, gripping it tightly as he shut his eyes. He opened them again, looking right at me and holding my gaze.

"If you want me to tell you there won't be any press, I can't. The reality of the situation is the paparazzi follow me everywhere. Of course, I have Ronald and the rest of the security detail…"

"Wait… what?" I interrupted. "The rest of the security detail?" I asked, somewhat confused. "There's more than one?"

Edward huffed, pulling his hand away from mine.

"Yes, Bella, there's more than one." He was clearly annoyed with me now.

I was shocked. Edward and I never talked about these things. We talked about music, his family, movies and sometimes politics, but we never really talked about what it was like to be him… Edward Cullen – Hollywood Superstar. I'd liked to have said I wasn't sure why, but I knew _exactly_ why. And if this relationship was ever going to move forward we had to talk about it.

"I didn't know," I said, a little defensive myself, though I didn't want to be.

Edward sighed.

"Look, Bella, I thank whatever God there might be that mercifully, the paparazzi haven't yet uncovered my nightly visits to your apartment. I'm not exactly sure how it's escaped their notice, but it has. But we can't insulate ourselves from the rest of the world forever. We'll never be able to move forward if we can't put ourselves out there."

Edward all but whispered his last words, and it was clear to me he wasn't just referring to being seen together in public. Edward was talking about _us _and our relationship. And he was right. Nothing more could come of us if we weren't willing to take a chance. Edward was willing; he was taking that first step, and he was asking me to do the same.

"Do you think maybe we could start by going somewhere a little more discreet," I asked slowly, intent on showing Edward that I was with him on this. It was time to move things forward. Edward looked at me for a moment before cocking his crazy sexy grin.

"I think that sounds like a reasonable compromise," he replied, his smile growing larger by the minute. "Do you have any ideas?" His eyes were bright with excitement.

I did, actually.

"How do you feel about hiking?" I asked, thinking to myself about a little state park a few hours' drive north in the mountains. There were several trails that would be perfect to hike on a cool October day.

Edward studied me carefully before chuckling softly to himself. "You're really putting yourself out there, Bella, aren't you? I finally get you to agree to leave your apartment and you suggest spending the day in the wilderness," he gently teased, winking at me to let me know it was only in jest.

"It's a start," I defended, folding my arms across my chest in mock defiance.

"I'll take it," he said, grabbing for my hand once again and giving it a gentle squeeze. "And on that note, I've got to run or else I'll be late, and I really don't want to deal with any more of Melinda's shit," he said while standing from the table. I gave him a sympathetic look. Melinda was less than understanding about Edward's sleeping arrangements, but as long as it didn't interfere with his performance at work there wasn't much she could say.

I waved goodbye as Edward strolled towards the front door, and he flashed me a quick smile before slipping out into the hall. I sighed, letting myself miss him for a moment before heading into my room to shower. It was time to officially start my day.

Thursday and Friday passed and before I knew it, it was Friday evening and I was pouring over a little map, deciding which trail to hike the following day. I planned to pack a picnic lunch, so I figured an eight to ten mile round trip hike would be our best option. It was a few hours drive to the park, so I had to keep that in mind, too. Edward had offered to have Ronald drive, but I preferred to take the Aztec. I wanted to remain as incognito as possible, and who would suspect a movie star would be riding around in a Pontiac? We'd also agreed to take our chances and make this trip alone. We weren't going anywhere too public, and we figured it was unlikely Edward would get mobbed by a crowd of teenage girls in the middle of the wilderness. It wasn't impossible, mind you, but it _was_ highly unlikely.

Edward was super excited about our outing and I had to admit, I was too. As petrified as I was of being seen in public with him, I knew that eventually, I would have to. Besides, I _loved_ being with Edward; I could truthfully spend all my time with him and it still wouldn't be enough. I wanted to take this trip _with_ him... _for_ him… to show him that I could be a part of his life. I wasn't going to hide anymore.

Edward didn't come home until just before midnight, Friday night. It had been a long day for him and he was clearly tired. He smiled broadly when he saw two backpacks sitting side by side by the front door, loaded up with some basic supplies for our trip. Edward fiddled around with the guitar for a short while before asking me to play his song. I watched as he yawned, stretching his arms up above his head before lying down on the couch. He grabbed the blanket and draped it over himself, and nestled his head into the pillow before looking up at me from under his ridiculously long eye-lashes.

It was such a simple thing, his bedtime routine, but it fascinated me nonetheless. I watched his every move - how his eyes shut tight and the muscles in his stomach rippled when he stretched, how he always took care to cover both his feet with the blanket so they wouldn't get cold, how he took a moment to fluff his pillow, and how he sighed a soft, contented sigh before lying his head down.

I played Edward's ditty for him, and after two rounds I was sure he was asleep. I was quite tired myself, the anticipation leading up to our outing tomorrow having really taken a toll on me. I walked through the apartment and shut off all the lights before padding over to where Edward lay, fast asleep, tucked snugly under my afghan. I smiled to myself and leaned down to kiss his head. It was the absolute favorite part of my day. My lips pressed against his soft hair and I couldn't resist the temptation to reach up and slip my fingers through it. I rubbed a lock of his hair between my thumb and forefinger and it felt exquisite - like slipping between satin sheets. I inhaled deeply, his delicious, intoxicating scent causing my thoughts to cloud over. I exhaled slowly, a long, drawn out sigh. I knew I needed to pull away, but I didn't want to. I let myself linger for a few moments longer before I kissed his head one last time and moved away.

I felt his touch before I heard his voice. It was soft and tender. He took my hand in his and brought it to his mouth where he pressed one soft kiss to the back of my hand. It was then that I registered that he'd been awake the entire time. And I wondered how many other nights Edward had been awake when I'd kissed him.

"Goodnight, dear Bella," he whispered against my hand before placing one last small kiss to my knuckle. I shivered at the sensation of his soft, delicate lips pressing against my skin. It was divine.

"Goodnight, sweet Edward," I murmured in return, and he looked up at me and smiled a lazy, sleepy smile before taking his hand from mine and slipping it back under the covers. His eyes closed, and the steady rise and fall of his chest told me that he was asleep. It was time for me to do the same.

Who needs an alarm clock when you have Edward? I asked myself this question on a daily basis. It was 5:30 in the morning on Saturday and Edward was singing in the shower. Granted, it was a beautiful sound to awaken to, but I was hoping since it was Edward's day off he'd want to sleep in.

"Good Morning, sunshine!" Edward called from the bathroom. I rolled my eyes and yelled at him.

"Put some clothes on!"

Yes, this was our morning routine now, ever since Edward had started showering and changing clothes for the day at my apartment. In the beginning, Edward would return to his hotel to do these things before heading to work. But that was too time consuming, and made little sense when he could very easily do the same here.

If Melinda was unhappy about Edward sleeping over, she was livid when she learned he was showering and changing here. She ranted and raved about the price of his room at the Ritz Carlton, and "why in the hell was the studio paying money for him to stay in a large suite if he was never there?" Of course, Edward didn't care. He was thrilled that he didn't have to stay in the hotel. It was depressing to spend so much time in hotels, he told me. And I couldn't say I could disagree. I remembered traveling through Europe with Alice. It had been a wonderful experience, but I remembered missing the feeling of having a home - a place to return to every night where things felt familiar and safe. Edward didn't have that. He hadn't had that in a long time. He simply moved from one hotel to the next. That was his life.

I rolled from bed and trudged into the kitchen to put some coffee on before grabbing the morning paper from outside my front door. Miguel faithfully delivered it every morning. The weather report was promising, calling for a crisp, clear October day with highs in the mid 60s. Perfect. Things were already falling into place. I wandered back into the kitchen where I started putting together some sandwiches to take on our trip; salami and Swiss cheese on rye bread with only a hint of mustard for Edward and a turkey and American cheese on wheat for me. I packed some apples and energy bars, as well as a bag of chips, before filling four, 32oz water bottles to take on our hike. By the time Edward emerged from my bedroom, sparkly clean and freshly shaven, our lunches were packed and all that was left to do was for me to take my shower.

Edward glanced at me in the kitchen, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

"So we're really doing this?" he asked.

"Of course," I said, turning around to face him. "You didn't think I'd back out did you?"

"I had my doubts," he teased. I just rolled my eyes and shook me head.

"Oh ye, of little faith," I mocked as I walked past him into my room.

Edward and I were on the road by a little after eight. We'd slipped from the building unnoticed and were heading north towards the Catskill Mountains. It was a glorious day outside. The sun shone brightly with not a cloud in the sky and the scenery whizzed by as we made casual conversation. As we approached the exit that would take us further into the mountains, Edward spied a sign.

"Are you hungry?" He casually questioned.

I glanced at him and laughed as his stomach growled.

"I could eat, I guess. What were you thinking of?"

"Hmm," Edward thought out loud. "I've been very good lately, eating lots of vegetables and lean meats." He shot a sheepish look in my direction. "How about something incredibly bad for us, like a Big Mac and large side of fries?"

I pretended to choke. I was not a fan of super greasy fast food restaurants. Apparently Edward was, though. And this little tidbit of information was something new about him I'd just learned.

"Not a fan?" he asked, laughing at my rather dramatic reaction.

"Not really, but I'm game," I said, smiling at him. I looked back out the window, signaling as I crossed lanes to get off at the next exit.

"I love that, you know," I mused, looking out the window at nothing in particular.

"What's that?" Edward asked, turning towards me and smiling warmly.

"I love learning new things about you," I answered him quietly. "Like the fact that you like fast food. I never knew that."

Edward's smile faded and his face relaxed as he studied me in a more serious manner. He reached for my hand, gently placing his own over mine, intermittently drumming his fingers and tracing small designs. I inhaled deeply. This was four times in as many days that Edward had taken my hand, and I loved it. It was such a wonderful feeling as his touch not only carried with it that wild electricity that nearly knocked me to my knees, but it was also comforting and made me feel oddly secure and serene. Edward waited for me respond to his touch, though all I could manage was a weak smile. He chuckled, and keeping his hand firmly on top of mine, turned to stare out the window.

Edward chose McDonald's over a Burger King or Wendy's, which were our other two choices. It made no difference to me, though I did vaguely remember hearing that McDonald's had the best French fries. When we pulled into the drive-thru, I looked over at Edward and instructed him to put on his sunglasses and hoody.

"Why?" he asked, looking at me curiously.

"Someone might recognize you," I said, in all seriousness.

"In the drive-thru?" he asked, incredulously.

Okay. So maybe it _was_ overkill. But I was suddenly nervous.

"Please?" I asked as the girl's voice came over the intercom, asking for our orders.

Edward laughed at me but he humored me all the same, putting on his glasses and his hoody.

I ordered a Big Mac and French fries for Edward and a chicken sandwich and French fries for me. Edward suggested we should be really bad and order milkshakes, and I couldn't say no to him, even though my stomach was already turning. It was only a little after 10:30 in the morning; I was surely going to regret this later. We pulled up to the cashier and I handed the young girl my money. She looked to be about sixteen or so and was pretty in a simple sort of way. I smiled at her as she went about sorting out my change, and when she handed me our shakes and our food, Edward took the bags from me, peering inside. And then he did it, and it was obviously done on purpose. Edward yanked his sunglasses from his face and pulled his hoody off of his head and in a deep, incredibly alluring and wildly sexy voice he leaned over me and asked the girl for some ketchup.

She recognized Edward immediately and her already pale skin went white as a ghost. Stricken by equal parts panic and excitement she stood frozen in place, unable to move or to speak. I could hear Edward chuckling quietly and without thinking, I pressed my foot to the accelerator and tore out of the drive-thru.

"Jesus, Bella!" Edward yelled as I swerved through the parking lot and around a corner. I came to an abrupt stop at a red light. "What was that about?" he asked, looking at me out of highly annoyed eyes.

I was shaking so hard I couldn't see straight. "She recognized you, Edward," I said.

"I know."

"You did it on purpose," I said, looking him in the eye, and it wasn't a question.

"I did. It was meant to be funny."

I swallowed hard, staring out the window. The light turned green and I pulled forward slowly, setting us back on our way. Neither Edward nor I said anything for awhile, each of us eating our food in silence. This was the first time I felt that Edward was really and truly irritated with me and I felt badly about it. He had every right to be angry with me. I had completely overreacted.

"I'm sorry," I finally said when the silence had grown unbearable. We were drawing near to the state park and I wanted to make things right between us before we set out on our hike.

"You need to relax, Bella," Edward responded, his voice tight and not so friendly. He turned and looked at me then and his eyes bore right through me. "This will never work if you can't learn to relax." His voice was gentler now, but laced with a hint of desperation.

"You're right. I know you're right. I'm just worried," I said, honestly. I _was_ worried, petrified actually, about stepping into Edward's world. I didn't know what to make of it or what it would mean for me and him. And it scared the shit out of me.

I felt his hand on mine and I immediately relaxed.

"Bella," Edward gently called my name. "Bella, please look at me."

I looked in Edward's direction, ashamed of my feelings.

"Please, let's not worry about things that have yet to come. Can we just try to take this one day at a time? I seldom have a chance to do things like this, and I just want to enjoy my day together with you," he said.

I closed my eyes, swallowing hard. How could Edward be so understanding? I was irritated with myself, and by every right Edward should have been irritated with me too, but he wasn't. I nodded, flipping my hand over and grabbing his and giving it a small squeeze. Edward smiled at the gesture, keeping our hands clasped firmly together until we reached the park.

Upon reaching the park, I was relieved to see there were relatively few cars parked at the trailhead. I knew that I needed to relax, but I was getting my feet wet for the very first time and I wanted to take things slowly. Really, if I thought about it, it was some sort of miracle that Edward and I had existed together as we had for the past month without anyone taking any notice. Maybe the Gods were smiling down on us, granting me one small favor whereas in the past, they'd not treated me all that well. I didn't know, but nevertheless I was grateful.

Edward and I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon hiking a seven mile loop that would take us to the top of a peak and then back down again. Edward and I were both able to relax and really enjoy ourselves, which was nice. When we stopped for lunch at the top of the peak, Edward sat down at the edge of the rocks. I watched as the wind blew his hair about in his face and I thought he was quite possibly the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. He was so calm and serene and magnificent.

"Thank you," he murmured from behind me a little while later as I packed up the remains of our lunch. I turned to look at him from over my shoulder and noticed he looked sleepy. He was so relaxed.

"For what?" I asked.

"For suggesting we come here," he said, and I smiled softly at him before continuing to pack up our lunch. We were just about to leave when I heard Edward's cell phone ring. He plucked the phone from his pocket, smiling widely as he glanced at the screen before answering it.

"Hey, how are you?" he enthusiastically greeted the caller, and his tone of voice immediately caught my interest. Whoever Edward was speaking with, he was obviously quite friendly with them.

Edward listened intently while the caller talked and then he spoke again.

"I'm actually hiking in the Catskills with a friend," he said, throwing a glance in my direction. And I couldn't be sure, but it seemed like he wanted me to listen in on his conversation.

"Her name is Bella," he said, and there was a long pause before he continued. "Actually, believe it or not, I met her a few weeks ago on my flight from L.A. to New York. She poured water on me 45 minutes into the flight and we didn't stop talking for the next 4 hours."

Edward smiled at my objection to his description of our first encounter.

"It was an accident," I muttered. "It wasn't like it was pre-meditated."

Edward winked at me.

"Oh yeah, she's really great," he next said, looking me straight in the eye as he spoke the words. My cheeks burned so hard that I had to look away. I could hear Edward chuckle softly as he continued to speak on the phone. A few minutes later, he brought the conversation to a close.

"All right, I'll talk to you soon. I miss you, too. Okay. Goodbye." Edward clicked the phone shut and walked over to me.

"Ready to go?" he asked, picking up both backpacks and handing me mine.

"Sure," I said, smiling lightly, but really wanting to know who it was he'd been talking with.

"You know, I meant what I said on the phone." Edward held my gaze. "I think you're great, Bella. I'm really enjoying spending time with you, getting to know you."

Edward was so sincere in his words, it made it difficult for me to concentrate or think of anything to say in reply. It never failed to impress me how brashly honest Edward was. I'd never met anyone quite like him… anyone who wore their heart on their sleeves like he did. There were absolutely no pretenses about him. It was clear he was willing to take his chances and let the pieces fall where they may. I, on the other hand, was not used to baring my soul. I tended to hide my feelings. But around Edward, that was next to impossible. He stripped away all my inhibitions, leaving me no choice but to be truthful with him too.

"I'm enjoying our time together too," I said, smiling nervously at him before starting down the trail. We hiked in silence for close to fifteen minutes before Edward spoke again.

"That was Daniella Martinez on the phone," he innocently mentioned. "My co-star in…"

I cut Edward off.

"I know who she is." Of course I knew who she was.

We kept walking.

"So…" Edward began. "Aren't you the least bit curious if we're actually dating?"

Edward was baiting me. I knew this. I also knew there was no way he would be with me like he was, even if we hadn't been intimate yet, if he was dating someone else. But I played along anyway, just for fun.

"No, not really," I said simply.

"Humph," Edward replied, annoyed, and I fought back a chuckle. He didn't like that I appeared disinterested.

Of course, the truth of the matter was, it was beyond difficult for me not to ask Edward about Daniella. Even if they weren't dating, which I was all but certain they weren't, I could tell by the way he'd spoken with her that they were close. I didn't like how this made me feel. I recognized the emotion threatening to take control of me; it was jealousy. Yet I knew I had no right to be jealous. Edward wasn't mine. We weren't together, at least not in the strictest sense of the word. But damn it, what were we? I was fast growing weary of our peculiar status, even though I seemed to be the one who was terrified of moving us forward. And yes, I _was_ over thinking things. But there was a lot at stake, not the least of which was my heart, and my heart had been badly broken before.

I thought about this and a lot of other things as Edward and I hiked back down the trail. I thought about how panicked I'd been about spending the day together and how surprisingly easy it had actually been. Granted, we hadn't seen anyone yet, but I was feeling more courageous now, more relaxed with the idea of spending time with Edward outside of my apartment. And this was a good thing, because truthfully, I had grown tired of staying home. It was also nice getting to know Edward in an entirely different setting. I absolutely loved seeing him so relaxed, relishing in the ability to get away from it all. I realized that was something he wasn't able to do very often and I hoped maybe we could change that.

By the time we reached the parking lot the sun was setting and I was beginning to feel hungry. I was also sore, and apparently so was Edward. He audibly groaned as he settled into the passenger seat of my car.

"That may not have been the best idea," he joked as he rubbed his shoulders with his hands. "I'm actually in a lot of pain," he said, laughing at himself.

"Yeah," I agreed. "The hike was more grueling than I anticipated."

On our way home we passed by a little dive on the side of the road called Luigi's Italian Bistro.

"Turn in here," Edward instructed, and I looked over at him suspiciously.

"Why?" I nervously asked as I pulled into the parking lot. I put the car in park and pulled the key from the ignition.

"You said you were hungry," he answered me with a shrug.

"You can't be serious." I stared over at Edward as he made to exit the car. Panicking, I reached out and placed my hand firmly on his arm, stopping him. "Edward, you do remember what happened a few weeks ago at the coffee shop, right? We're alone here. What if you're mobbed?"

Edward chuckled softly, shaking his head at me.

"Really Bella, just relax. This is hardly New York City. We'll be fine, all right?"

Edward reached over and took my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine. I closed my eyes, enjoying the contact almost as much as I appreciated it. It was soothing to me and immediately helped me to relax.

"Ready?" Edward asked a few moments later while giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I nodded at him and he let go of me, exiting the car and walking around to my door. Helping me from the car, Edward took my hand in his again and didn't let go. Instead, he laced his fingers though mine and led me toward the restaurant.

The moment we walked through the door, I knew we were in trouble. The hostess immediately recognized Edward and she gasped. This caused several patrons to look up, and all but a handful of them wore the same astonished expression as the hostess. Thankfully, the restaurant wasn't very busy.

Disregarding her surprise, Edward smiled broadly at the hostess and asked for a private booth. He slipped her some money and she smiled nervously at him as she led us to the back of the restaurant. Edward held my hand the entire way, which I admit, made me nervous. But nobody knew who I was, so I figured that might help our situation some. I hoped so, anyway.

As we went to take our seats, the hostess asked Edward for an autograph. Edward graciously agreed, signing a small slip of paper for her before slipping into the booth. She thanked him profusely and informed us that our server would be right with us.

Thankfully, our server was a boy - a very laid back boy with straggly brown hair fastened in a pony tail at the nape of his neck. He recognized Edward and mumbled a quick "cool" before getting down to business. Not soon after our waiter left, a young girl who looked to be about twelve wandered up to our table while her parents stood off to the side.

"Pardon me," she squeaked, trying desperately to control her nerves. Edward looked down at her kindly, smiling warmly and asking her name. Her name was Sarah, and she very politely asked Edward to autograph her Hanna Montana notebook. Edward obliged, signing the notebook for her before she ran off to her parents. They waved at us, mouthing "sorry" and "thank you", and Edward waved back, letting them know it wasn't a problem.

Two older girls approached the table next, both of them giggling nervously. They leaned into one another, whispering back and forth as if they were involved in a conspiracy of some sort. When they finally made it to the table, the taller of the two girls pulled out a digital camera and asked if they could have a picture with Edward. He agreed to the photo, asking if I wouldn't mind taking it. I snapped the picture and the girls thanked Edward profusely before disappearing somewhere in the front of the restaurant.

The rest of our dinner played out in much the same fashion. One by one, patrons approached the table asking for pictures or autographs. Thankfully, when our food arrived, people left us alone. As we were finishing our desert, the owner of the restaurant came to our table and asked for an autograph for his daughter. He apologized for any inconvenience his patrons may have caused, but Edward assured him that everyone was very polite. And this was true. It had all been very civilized. Really, facing the public with Edward hadn't been nearly as awful as I had anticipated, though I was not so naïve as to think things would be the same in the big city. Nevertheless, I was feeling more and more confident in my ability to spend time with Edward outside of my apartment, and that felt good. It felt really good.

"You look tired," Edward noted a little while later as we walked to the car. The evening was cool now that the sun had set. I shivered slightly, whether from the outside temperature or from being in such close proximity to Edward, I wasn't sure. "Why don't you let me drive?" he offered.

"You'll get lost," I chuckled. He smiled back at me.

"I'll use the GPS."

I considered Edward's offer for a moment. I _was_ tired, and it was a couple hours drive back into the city. It had been a late night last night and a long day hiking in the mountains today. So, I agreed to let Edward drive.

As we approached my car, he hurried around to open my door for me. He was nothing if not a gentleman.

"Thanks," I said, smiling up at him as I slid into the passenger seat.

"You're welcome."

Edward smiled back at me before gently shutting my door. He then climbed into the driver's seat and surveyed the car, taking note of where the headlights and windshield wipers were located. He took a moment to clean the windshield before turning his attention to my iPod.

"Since I'm driving, do I get to choose which music we listen to?" he asked.

"Sure. Take your pick."

"Is there anything other than classical music on here?" he teased and I rolled my eyes.

Edward took a moment to scan through my music. Every now and then he would pause on a particular album before moving on. No less than five minutes had passed when I finally said something.

"Edward, I have a lot of music. Why don't you just randomly select something and press play? If you don't like it, we can choose something else."

"So impatient," he teased me. "I'm almost through. I'm approaching the W's."

I rolled my eyes and laughed at him.

"Here we go. How about David Wilcox? I've never heard of him, but you have a lot of his albums so he must be good."

I nodded my head. "He's a folk singer - a lot of theology, very thought provoking music. I guess that's the best way to describe him."

"Hmm. Let's see," Edward said.

Edward turned the key in the ignition and pressed play. Pulling out into traffic, we headed south towards the highway that would take us home. I waited patiently for the music to come on, wondering which album Edward had selected. David Wilcox was one of my favorite artists. Anytime I wanted to listen to music that challenged me to think about life, I listened to him. Unfortunately for me, Edward had selected shuffle mode on the _East Ashville Hardware_ album and I was totally unprepared for the song my iPod selected to play. My eyes opened wide in embarrassment and I felt myself shrinking into the seat as the words of the song filtered through the speakers.

_After your orgasm, the world is a different place…_ Edward cocked his head to the side for a moment, as if he really weren't sure he'd heard the words right. But he had, and he looked at me and immediately burst into laughter.

"Well, that wasn't what I was expecting," he said while cocking a brow. He was smirking at me, and I couldn't help but laugh. This was going to be a _long_ drive home.

A few hours later I sat by the French doors in my living room, lights dimmed throughout the apartment, practicing Bach's Sixth Cello Suite. It was just after midnight. We'd arrived home around ten, and Edward had immediately collapsed onto the couch. He'd been asleep ever since, or so I thought.

"Having some trouble there? You've been playing that same passage over and over again for the last thirty minutes," Edward said, startling me. I jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Jesus, Edward!" I gasped. "I thought you were asleep!"

Edward groaned, shifting slightly on the couch.

"Can't sleep," he said.

"Why not?"

"I'm still sore from today," he admitted, groaning again.

"Are you all right?" I tentatively asked, wondering if maybe he'd pulled a muscle. I rested my cello in its stand and walked over to where Edward lay, bending down by his side.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said before reaching out to take my hand. He gave it a quick kiss before releasing it.

"What was that for?" I asked, slightly flustered. My heart was already starting to pound erratically in my chest. Edward smiled warmly at me.

"Thank you for your concern," he answered me simply.

"I didn't realize you were hurting so badly. Why didn't you say something?" I wondered.

Edward smiled at me, reaching out to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. His touch sent chills through my body and it took everything I had not to lean into it. It seemed the most natural thing to do.

"I didn't want you to worry," he said, tapping my nose lightly with his index finger.

"Me? Worry?" I teased, and Edward laughed, wincing in pain as he did.

"Edward!" I gasped. He really _was_ hurt.

With great effort, Edward managed to sit himself upright on the couch.

"Calm down, Bella, I'm fine. Just a little sore is all. But I think it might be better if I went back to the hotel tonight," he said while rubbing his shoulders with his hands.

"What?" I softly asked. "Why?"

I hoped it wasn't too obvious, but I was crestfallen. I didn't want Edward to go. Even though it had only been a matter of weeks, I'd grown accustomed to our little routine. It was nice to turn out the lights at night and say goodnight to Edward, even if he was sleeping on the couch. It was even nicer to share breakfast with him in the mornings. Or, on mornings when he left crazy early, it was nice to hear him whisper my name from my bedroom door, telling me goodbye and wishing me a good day.

Edward smiled lightly at me while reaching out and gently brushing the back of his hand against my cheek. His touch was still so new, and I quite liked it. My skin tingled from it. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply.

"I don't want to go either," he sighed, pulling his hand back from my cheek. "But I don't think I'll be able to get much sleep on this couch tonight."

My mind was suddenly racing, and not just because I didn't want Edward to leave. I was panicked at the thought of him being spotted!

"Edward, you can't leave here in the middle of the night," I pointed out.

"Why not?" he asked, seeming completely bewildered by my statement.

"What if someone sees you? It wouldn't look good," I explained.

Edward frowned at me.

"I thought we were past this, Bella. I'm tired of sneaking around in order to avoid getting caught. Hell, I don't even know what we're trying to avoid getting caught doing," he said, sounding more and more frustrated.

I thought about this. He was right, really. It wasn't as if we were secret lovers or anything. We were just two friends who enjoyed hanging out together in the evenings after work. Oh, and Edward liked sleeping on my couch.

Okay. So it was more and we both knew it, but I didn't think either of us knew exactly _what_.

"I'm sorry," I said, hanging my head in shame. "I know I keep saying that. I don't mean to be manic about this, I'm just paranoid of having my face plastered across every magazine in America," I said, feeling really silly about it. I smiled sheepishly at Edward and he smiled back, reaching out to touch my face again.

"What am I going to do with you?" he whispered while caressing my cheek with his hand. I shrugged. _I_ wasn't sure what _I_ was going to do with myself. I was being ridiculous, and I knew it.

Edward let his hand linger on my face for a few short moments before making a move to stand up. He winced in pain when he did, and I rested my hand on his shoulder, stopping him. I didn't want him to go, and I could only think of one solution to the problem.

"Why don't you sleep in my bed tonight?" I said. "It makes more sense than trying to sneak back to your hotel."

If Edward was at all surprised by my suggestion, he didn't show it. Instead, a small grin tugged at his lips.

"I wouldn't be sneaking anywhere, Bella, and where exactly would you sleep?" he asked, and I could have sworn I saw a twinkle in his eye.

"On the couch, of course!" I replied.

Edward hesitated a moment, weighing his options before answering.

"I can't make you sleep on your own couch. I wouldn't feel right about it."

"Please Edward," I begged, grabbing his hand and giving it a gentle tug. "It's not like it's that uncomfortable. It's super-sized and plush, you've told me so yourself," I joked and Edward smiled up at me.

"Are you sure?" he asked, keeping hold of my hand while he worked hard to stand. He was obviously in a lot more pain than he was letting on.

"Positive," I said.

Edward managed to stand, though with great effort. Once he was standing, he let go of my hand and turned to walk toward the bedroom. I followed behind, and Edward sat on the edge of my bed while I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. When I came back out, Edward was hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands splayed flat across his face.

"Take off your shirt," I said, turning out the lights. Edward's head shot up and his eyes grew as wide as saucers.

"Pardon me?" he said, obviously surprised by my request.

"You heard me. Take off your shirt and lay flat on your stomach," I said.

Edward stared at me for a moment before doing as I asked. He looked stunned and nervous, and if I wasn't mistaken, a little bit excited. I had to admit, I was excited too. I was sorry that Edward had hurt himself while hiking, but this meant that I now had the perfect excuse to run my hands over his body. I was going to give Edward a massage to try and loosen some of his sore muscles.

Edward took off his shirt and lay down on his stomach. He lay down on my side of the bed, but that didn't bother me. Truthfully, all I could think about was the fact that my pillow would now smell like him. I liked that idea - a lot. I crawled onto the bed and inched over to Edward's side then, sighing at the magnificent sight before me. Edward's muscles were firm, lean and defined, yet when I placed my hands on him, his skin was soft and supple. Edward shivered at my touch.

"You don't have to do this," he mumbled, his voice muffled by my pillow.

"I know," I said simply. "I want to."

I ran my hands slowly up and down his back, trying hard not to apply too much pressure. I'd never given anyone a massage before and I was definitely flying blind, but Edward seemed to slowly relax under my touch. I was quite enjoying it myself. I worked my way up Edward's back towards his neck, rubbing my thumbs in circles at the nape of his neck. Edward emitted a little moan and I found myself starting to get turned on. I shook my head, trying to clear it of the lust induced fog, and refocused my efforts on relaxing Edward.

"All done," I said a little while later as I sat back and observed my work. Edward had virtually turned to mush under my hands. His body laid lifeless, his arms stretched out in front of him and his face buried in my pillow.

"That was amazing," Edward mumbled as he turned on his back to face me. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," I said, reaching out to tap his nose with my index finger. Edward laughed, grabbing my finger in his hand. He held onto it, and I felt him start to caress it with his thumb and fore finger.

"You know you don't have to sleep on the couch if you don't want to," Edward said in a very matter of fact tone of voice. "This bed is most definitely big enough for two…" Edward hesitated for only a moment before adding, "I promise to behave myself." And then Edward winked at me, and I lost all control. I laughed aloud at Edward, shaking my head.

I took a moment to consider Edward's offer before answering. On the one hand, I really didn't want to sleep on the couch. I was also certain that Edward would hold true to his word and be a perfect gentleman. On the other hand, there was a large part of me that was screaming out that this was a very bad idea. Nothing good could come from two friends of the opposite sex spending the night together in the same bed, especially considering I wasn't sure if I could control myself. I trusted Edward, but I didn't necessarily trust myself. Nevertheless, I found myself uttering words I was certain I was going to regret, but I just couldn't bring myself to care.

"I guess it's safe," I teased. "I know for a fact you won't be capable of doing much of anything after what I just did to you, anyway," I teased.

"Oh really?" Edward asked, raising his brows in challenge. He lunged at me then, attempting to tickle me, but instead he recoiled in pain.

"Ouch!" he cried out.

"Told you so," I chided.

Edward fell back against the pillows grumbling to himself. I giggled, pulling back the covers and slipping underneath the sheets.

"Good night, Edward."

"Good night, Bella."

I jumped. Edward's voice was too close. I turned to look for him and he was right there by my side. Though it was dark in the room, I could still make out his figure. He was laying on his side, propped up on his elbow, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. He was staring intently at me. Gone were any hints of a smile. Edward's face was completely serious now, yet oddly serene. He leaned in towards me, and my pulse immediately quickened. What was he doing?

If I didn't know any better, I would say that Edward was about to kiss me. I panicked, not sure what to do. All of a sudden my skin felt clammy and my chest was constricting so hard I worried I might stop breathing. I knew this had been a bad idea to sleep in the same bed. And damn it, I really thought Edward would act like a gentleman. But _God_, did I ever want him to kiss me. And he did, ever so gently… on the forehead. He let his deliciously soft lips linger for a moment before pulling away. It wasn't exactly what I expected, but it was nice nonetheless.

"What was that for?" I questioned Edward nervously. I was shivering now, despite being tucked securely under the blankets.

Edward shrugged. I could see him staring at me intently, a very serious expression crossing over his face. A deafening silence hung over us for what seemed like forever and I felt as if I might pass out.

"Can I kiss you?" Edward softly asked. His voice was low and husky and laced with obvious desire. I nearly fell out of bed at Edward's words, and without even realizing it, I found myself shaking my head _yes_. The whole room was silent, and as Edward moved his face slowly towards mine, I could feel it - that electric spark that passed through me whenever Edward touched me. I wondered if Edward felt it too, but I was too focused on his perfectly curved lips, softly parted and searching for mine, to care.

His lips found mine, and Edward and I both let out a deep, satisfied groan. Edward kissed me once softly, pulling back slightly and breathing heavily before kissing me again. This time, he let his tongue roam over the ridges of my lips, and it took everything I had in me not to reach up and lace my hands through his hair and pull his face closer to mine. But I was still so overwhelmed by what was happening, and I didn't want to push things too far. Our lips briefly parted, then Edward kissed me again, soft and gentle before pulling away.

"That was nice," I said, biting down on my lower lip. Edward reached out to trace my lower lip with his index finger.

"It was," he said, holding my gaze with his own. "You know, I've wanted to do that since the moment you poured water on my lap," Edward teased, smiling lightly at me.

"Really?" I asked as I propped myself up on some pillows against the backboard of the bed. I was genuinely surprised by his admission.

"Really," he admitted before looking away. And though I couldn't be sure, he looked to be embarrassed about something.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing," Edward said, shaking his head.

"Please tell me," I drawled in a low, sensuous tone.

Edward chuckled at my overtly sexual attempt at persuasion, turning back to me and smiling a soft, tender smile.

"This is probably going to sound silly, but I've felt a connection with you from the moment I first heard you speak. I don't know if you noticed it or not, but there was this energy that seemed to flow between us on the plane. It was really bizarre, but it felt good… and right. And it's grown more intense over time. Every time I touch you now, I feel it."

I exhaled sharply, astonished, and at the same time immensely relieved that Edward had felt the same connection to me that I had felt to him all along. I felt my eyes grow wide with wonder.

"I felt it... feel it too," I whispered.

Edward and I lay together quietly for a while, each of us staring into the other's eyes and contemplating the turn in our relationship. Eventually, I rolled from my back onto my stomach and glanced at the clock. It was after two A.M.

"Try and get some sleep, Edward," I whispered. "You're going to be destroyed tomorrow."

Edward nodded before asking, "Why are you all the way over there?"

I looked up, carefully studying Edward's face before slowly creeping over towards where he lay. Edward reached out and pulled me to him and I nestled my head against his chest, inhaling his scent. I wanted to remember this moment always. I'd waited so long to lie in Edward's arms, and at that moment in time, I honestly couldn't think of anything else but the strong arms that wound their way around me, holding me close. I draped my leg over Edward's and sighed contentedly.

"This is nice," I said, snuggling in close.

"This is pure bliss," Edward responded, kissing my forehead softly.

And with that, we both drifted off to sleep.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 06/11


	7. Confusion

**Author's Notes:**

**Thank you to all of you who take the time to not only read, but also review. I sincerely appreciate your thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Confusion**

It was the same dream, again. Edward was standing right in front of me, holding out his hand. I reached for it, desperate to feel his touch, but my hand simply passed through his. He looked as bewildered as I did, reaching for me, trying to pull me towards him but to no avail. Soon his figure started to fade away, disappearing into thin air until I was standing there alone, all alone.

I sat up in bed breathing heavily, feeling dangerously close to hyperventilating. Tiny beads of sweat peppered my face. I closed my eyes, willing myself to calm down. It was a dream, it was just a dream. Memories of the night before came flooding back into my conscious - the sight of Edward as he looked deep into my eyes and asked if he could kiss me, the sensation of his full, round lips meeting mine, the feel of his tongue tracing the outline of my softly puckered lips and finally, the complete and utter bliss that consumed the both of us as our bodies settled together in sleep.

My hand reached out, searching for Edward. I felt up and down the covers at my side but found nothing. I opened my eyes, willing myself not to panic. Edward was there. Edward must be there. And then, out of the corner of my eye, I noted the time on the clock. It was past ten in the morning. Edward had an early cast call that morning and it was clear to me then that he was gone. I didn't need to look down at my side, to the empty space that should have been Edward, to confirm this. Edward was gone, and he had left without saying goodbye.

My heart slammed into my stomach and I fought hard against the urge to run to the bathroom and vomit. In all of the nights that Edward had spent here with me, never once had he left in the morning without saying goodbye. He always said goodbye. Even if it was just a gentle whisper in my ear, he always said goodbye - but not this morning. And there was only one reason I could think of, only one reason that made any sense at all as to why he had left without saying goodbye. Edward regretted what had happened between the two of us last night. Edward was running away.

I clutched at the sheets, pulling them up to my chest, fighting uselessly against the sobs that threatened to erupt from my chest. So I let them come. I felt the fat tears roll down my cheeks and didn't even bother wiping them away. I didn't understand how this could have happened. I had been so careful. I had waited so long to be intimate with Edward so as to be absolutely certain it's what we both wanted. And it really seemed as if we had both wanted what had happened last night to happen. He was the one that asked to kiss me, damn it! I had been hesitant, had struggled with the question of what it would mean for our relationship. But I trusted Edward. And I was hopeless where he was concerned. Hopelessly drawn to him, hopelessly bound to him and Jesus, Fuck, Christ, God, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT…..I was hopelessly in love with him. I was hopelessly in love with Edward.

I wasn't sure how I had let this happen, but the more I thought about it, I wasn't sure I'd had any choice. Somehow it felt that falling in love with Edward was just something that would happen, as if it were pre-ordained and neither one of us had any control over it. That's how it felt, anyway. And I felt certain it was the same for Edward. He'd felt the charge between the two of us, the energy that drew us together bonding us to one another in the most inexplicable yet awesome way. He'd told me so last night. So how could it be that he wasn't here with me now? What had happened?

I wiped at the tears that stuck to my face and pulled the covers away from my chest. If Edward hadn't said goodbye, might he at least have left some sort of note? I tried to allow some semblance of reason to take hold and to fight back against the paranoia that fed my fears. A note made the most logical sense. It wasn't logical that Edward would have left without saying anything. He must have left a note.

Somehow or another I managed to pull myself out of bed, stumbling into the kitchen, my eyes searching frantically to and fro for any sign that Edward had been there. I scanned the countertops, but saw nothing. I noted that there were no dishes in the sink. There were not any plates or mugs to suggest that Edward had even taken time to have breakfast. My eyes continued past the sink to the coffee pot, and that's where I saw it. It was a small, white piece of paper folded neatly in half and tucked securely behind the coffee pot. He'd known I would look there because he knew that the first thing I did in the morning after waking up, even before using the restroom or brushing my teeth, was to put the coffee on. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. My heart was pounding in my chest and tears of relief threatened to spill forth from my eyes as I reached out and grabbed the note. I opened it carefully, taking care not to smudge his handwriting with my tears.

_Good morning, Bella. Hope you slept well. I won't be able to make dinner this evening as filming is due to run very late. Perhaps I should sleep at the hotel tonight so you can have a solid night's rest. I'll call you. Edward._

I read the note over and over again. It made no sense whatsoever to me. It seemed so cold and so detached, especially after what had happened between the two of us last night. And Edward never wanted to spend the night in his hotel - ever. Why on earth was he suggesting this now? I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that Edward was running away from me, from us, but honestly what was I supposed to think? It was every girl's most basic fear – regret. That a person could wake up the morning after having made a monumental decision to move forward with a relationship only to find that the other person regretted what had happened. The fear that that is what had passed between Edward and I shook me to my core. I had been so worried that kissing Edward would change everything and it was clear to me now that it had.

I couldn't think of anything in that moment other than to call Alice. So I did, and when she heard the despair in my voice she told me she'd be right over. True to form, she was. She walked through the door thirty minutes later and I grabbed her up into a hug, crying into her neck and holding onto her tight.

"You were right, Alice," I sobbed uncontrollably, releasing all of the tension from the morning as I held fast to her. "I fell in love with him."

"Shush," Alice whispered into my ear, gently rubbing her hand the length of my hair from the top of my head down my back. "Why are you crying?" She asked hesitantly a few moments later as she gently extricated herself from our embrace and looked up into my tear stained eyes. "Falling in love is supposed to be a beautiful thing, Bella. It's supposed to make you happy, not make you cry." I shook my head at Alice, sinking backwards into the couch. Alice came and sat by my side, taking my hand in hers.

"Edward kissed me last night," I said.

Alice looked at me with a blank expression on her face.

"And you're upset about that?" She asked, clearly bewildered by my current emotional state.

"He left this morning without saying goodbye, Alice. He's never done that. He always says goodbye," I trailed off. I could feel the tears burning my eyes.

"Hey, Bella," Alice said, reaching out and pulling me gently towards her. I rested my head on her chest and allowed her to comfort me. "He probably just didn't want to wake his sleeping beauty is all," she said, kissing the top of my head. "Have you tried to call him?" I shook my head no.

"He left a note," I mumbled into her chest.

"What did it say?"

"That he wouldn't be able to come over until very late tonight and that perhaps it would be better if he slept at the hotel. Why would he say that, Alice? He hates sleeping there. He hasn't slept there in weeks!"

I could feel Alice shaking her head ever so slightly as if she too were trying to decipher the exact meaning of Edward's note. Was there a hidden meaning in his words? What exactly was he trying to tell me?

"Bella," she began slowly, "I think you need to take a moment to try to collect yourself. You're very emotional right now…."

"Of course I'm emotional," I lashed out at Alice, snapping my head up from her chest. "I'm falling for this guy, Alice. No, wait - I've fallen for this guy! And I'm terrified, I'm terrified of what this means for me!" And I couldn't help it, the floodgates opened and I bawled like a baby there on the couch, sitting in front of Alice, my best friend, because there was nobody else who would understand.

Alice sat silently across from me for a long while, just watching me and letting me cry. She knew me well enough to know I needed the release. And when the time was just right she reached out for my hand again, taking it gently in hers and holding my gaze with her own.

"Bella," she called to me softly. "This isn't about the fact that Edward left without saying goodbye to you this morning, or the fact that he left a note saying he'd be working late and you know that. You're freaking out over the fact that you've taken that next step. You're panicking because for the first time in a long time you've exposed your soul to someone other than me or your father. And I know that terrifies you, Bella, that you're handing your heart over to someone without any guarantee that it won't get hurt, but what other choice do you have?" Alice looked at me with empathy. She knew me so well. I didn't say anything to her. I was just thinking through what she had said, knowing that it was all so very true.

"Bella," Alice said my name again. I looked up at her and she was staring at me very seriously. "Does Edward know anything about your past?" She asked quietly. I immediately shook my head vigorously back and forth. "Don't you think it's time to share that with him?" She spoke hesitantly, knowing full well what she was asking.

"What part?" I asked, looking down at my lap.

"I think you should tell him everything, Bella," Alice said honestly. "I don't see how he could fault you for anything that's happened. And maybe it would help him to understand you a little bit better, to be a little more patient with you if that's what you need." I nodded my head in understanding. She was right, of course, but I wasn't sure I was ready to share that part of me with Edward.

"You know what really scares me, Alice?" I asked quietly while looking away from Alice.

"What's that?' She encouraged softly.

"I'm afraid of what might happen if things don't work out between us," I said, my voice wavering ever so slightly. "I'm afraid of slipping into that place again Alice, of slipping deep into despair," I all but whispered.

I felt Alice holding my hand firmly in hers. She said nothing, but her physical presence in the room at that moment commanded I look at her, and I did. "That won't happen, Bella," she said firmly. "I won't let that happen. Do you understand me? We won't let that happen," she said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I swallowed hard. I wanted to believe her, I really did, but I'd visited that place before and knew all too well that it was possible for it to swallow me whole again.

Alice and I sat on the couch for awhile, neither one of us saying anything, each of us just sitting and staring at one another. We did that a lot. We had perfected the art of silent communication, of expressing things to one another without ever having to utter a single word. A little while later, exactly how much later I couldn't tell you, but a little while later Alice spoke again, and the truth of her words chilled me to the bone.

"You know you could lose him, Bella. By working so desperately hard to protect yourself you could lose what's possibly the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"Why do you say that about him, Alice?" I asked. I was curious. She was so convinced that Edward was it for me, that he was the one. How could she be so sure? I didn't understand.

"Because I see you with him, Bella!" she shouted, as if I weren't sitting directly across from her. "You're alive in a way you've never been alive before," she said more gently. "Your eyes," she said, and I could see the tears glistening in her own eyes as she spoke her words to me. "Your eyes shine again, Bella. It's been so long….too long." It was all she could say before she too was crying. I reached out to Alice, embracing her fiercely. She had suffered through so much with me. I forgot that sometimes, forgot how intricately wound up in my past she actually was.

"What would I ever do without you, Alice?" I asked, hugging her to me tighter. Alice laughed and the vibrations against my chest felt good.

"You'll never have to know, Bella," she sighed, gently easing us apart and looking me right in the eye. "Now, what I do want to know is when you're going to call Edward and where we're going to go out to dinner. If Edward's working late tonight, you belong to me!" She all but squealed in delight, and I had to laugh. I wiped away the few stray tears that still clung to my cheeks. Alice could always make me laugh, even when it was the furthest thing from my mind. I sighed heavily. I felt better - a lot better.

Alice and I chatted on the couch for awhile before I decided to listen to Alice and just call Edward. I had calmed down enough to have become more rational in my thoughts and realized that I had really taken things to the extreme this morning. I had let myself lose control, and that really bothered me. I hated when that happened, hated feeling like I was being sucked up in some centrifugal force that pulled me away from myself. It didn't happen often. I'd worked very hard to create a very structured, safe and predictable life. There weren't many things that were able to disrupt my sense of being, that could knock me off of my axis, but I realized now that Edward could do just that. And it was quite clear to me that I was in one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't situations. For I was certain that by allowing myself to be with Edward I was damned, because I would lose what precious little control I'd managed to establish in my life. But by being without Edward, well, I was most certainly damned too, because I'd already passed the point of no return where he was concerned. I had already given my heart over to him and if I had to walk away from him now it could very well kill me.

I tried not to think about all of these things as I picked up my phone and punched in Edward's number. Try as I might though, I could not seem to regulate my breathing. I was breathing too fast. I was nervous to talk to Edward. The phone rang six times before his generic voicemail answered. I left a message asking him to call me when he had a chance and then hung up the phone. I was disappointed he hadn't answered, but I didn't let it drag me anywhere near the pit of despair I was hovering so closely over only a few hours before. Instead, I suggested to Alice that she call Jasper and that we head out to a matinee movie. Alice was thrilled with the idea and immediately called Jasper. Jasper, however, had other plans. He and Jake were together on campus practicing some pieces for their ensemble class and they wanted me to join them. I sighed, not really feeling like practicing my cello at that moment but knowing that I probably should. Ever since Edward had come into my life I'd not spent as much time practicing as I had before. Not that it mattered much. Very few people would notice the difference in my performance if I didn't practice seven days a week. But I would notice, and that mattered to me. I aspired to be the best musician possible and I knew that daily practice was part of remaining true to that objective.

I made the decision to join Jasper and Jake for a few hours to run through some pieces then all four of us had decided to meet at our favorite Lebanese restaurant, _Ilili_, for some hommus**, ****baba ghannouj, lebne and lamb kabobs.**__On the way over to campus, I tried Edward on his cell phone again but there was still no answer. I shut my phone, willing myself not to panic. Yes, this was the first time that Edward had not returned my call within a matter of minutes, but I told myself it didn't mean anything. Nor did it mean anything that he'd left this morning without saying goodbye. Nor did it mean anything that he'd left a note saying he might not come over tonight. Right. None of that meant anything at all.

Jake, Jasper and I practiced together until the early evening when Alice called to inform us she was already at the restaurant waiting for us, famished. She ordered us to stop practicing immediately and to meet her at the restaurant as soon as possible lest she order our meals for us. Jake and Jasper rode with me in my Aztec and I motioned for them to go into the restaurant without me while I grabbed my phone to call Edward again. It was nearly six in the evening and Edward had yet to return any of my calls. I had to admit, doubt was slowly creeping back into my thoughts methodically attacking any and all reason and I'd be damned if I was able to do anything to stop it. When Edward's phone clicked into his voicemail once again, I shut the phone and heaved a deep, resigned sigh. Either Edward couldn't talk to me or didn't want to talk to me. Whichever was the case, I couldn't do anything about it right now. My friends were waiting inside for me to have dinner. I would have to hold it together for the next hour and then I could go home and give myself over to the despair, or whatever other emotion it was that found me.

I walked into the restaurant and I could tell that Alice immediately knew that something was wrong, but we couldn't talk. Jake still didn't know about Edward and I wanted to keep things that way. It seemed my method of "extinction" was working. I'd tried to be subtle about it, gradually decreasing the amount of physical contact I had with Jacob over the course of the last few weeks. He'd responded in kind, hugging me less, touching me less and calling me less. Things weren't uncomfortable between the two of us. We still laughed together and talked to each other and of course we played our music together, but slowly that close bond we'd forged over the years was fading. We were friends - we always would be, but nothing more, absolutely nothing more. It did make me the tiniest bit sad that things had to be this way between me and Jake. I realized I had come to enjoy the comfort of having a "boy" friend to lean on that wasn't really my "boyfriend" at all. I'd enjoyed the comfort of his touch, enjoyed the feeling of being protected and looked after and enjoyed the pleasure of his company even if I didn't share the same passion for him as he did for me. But it was because I cared for Jake so much that I knew that it was necessary that we redefine our relationship. And I was just relieved it had been so easy, much easier than I had anticipated at least.

Part way through dinner Alice caught my attention while Jake and Jasper were deep in discussion about the correct way to play vibrato.

"Have you talked with him?" She whispered across the table.

"No," I whispered back, hanging my head. I was beginning to feel sad. Alice looked sympathetic.

"How many times have you called?" She asked.

I told her three and the expression on her face was unmistakable. She tried to hide it, but her face betrayed her. It was doubt. She was beginning to doubt my situation too. This only served to depress me more and Alice was immediately in tune with this.

"Don't you give up," she said sternly, holding her finger up at me. Jasper looked over at Alice curiously then and asked her what on earth she was doing. The waiter had appeared with our bill and Jasper was taking out his credit card to give to the waiter. Alice never took her eyes off of mine.

"I was just telling Bella here that I was not going to take no for an answer," she said to Jasper.

"Mind clarifying what exactly you're talking about?" he drawled in his polished Southern accent.

"Of course," Alice smiled. "We're all going back to Bella's apartment to watch a movie together and I'm not taking no for an answer…from any of you," she said, her eyes roaming from mine, to Jasper's and finally to Jake's.

Alice knew I shouldn't be left alone right now. Part of me was angry with her. I just wanted to wallow in my misery - alone. Another part of me knew she was right. I needed someone with me to help me hold my head above water. Once again, she was there to save me. Jasper and Jake just shrugged, easily agreeing to Alice's demands. I checked my phone one more time before exiting the restaurant with my friends. There were no voicemail messages neither were there any missed calls.

The ride to my apartment was strangely quiet, possibly due to the fact that we were all extremely full or because it was the end of the weekend and we were all lost in thought about the upcoming week. It could also have simply been because none of us had anything to say. Whatever the reason, I was grateful for the silence. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I wanted to try and figure out exactly how to proceed with Edward. I had decided I was not going to call him again. I'd called three times and he hadn't bothered to return any of the calls. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. Edward should have known better than to leave without saying goodbye this morning. He should also have known better than to leave a note devoid of any emotion and he definitely should have known better than to have not returned three of my calls today. He should have known better because of what we shared the night before. But he didn't. Or the more frightening of the possibilities - he didn't want to.

As I pulled into my parking garage I felt the anger boiling up inside of me. My jaws were clenched tight and my breathing was short, shallow and forced. Jasper and Jake were both eyeing me warily while Alice eyed me sympathetically, but none of them dared to ask me anything. I knew I needed to just relax. There was no use in getting myself so worked up about this right now. I had to hold it together until everyone had left. But I was terrified of letting the anger go. I knew that if I did that, that despair would be lurking in its shadow waiting to cover me like a dark cloud. Anger was an easy emotion for me to process. Despair simply dragged me under.

We all elected to climb the stairs to my apartment. Yes, we chose to climb to the 10th floor of my building. It was Alice's idea and I'm certain her motivations were not based purely on the necessity of physical exercise after gorging ourselves at dinner. I knew that Alice was trying to help me relieve some of the tension I was feeling through exercise, and it worked - partly. By the time we reached the 10th floor, I was spent. I looked over at Alice and couldn't help but laugh. She was leaning back against the brick wall, panting shallowly and trying to catch her breath. Her face was flush. She had obviously struggled with climbing ten flights of stairs.

"You're supposed to be the athlete, Alice," I teased. "What gives?"

Alice shot me an evil glare and I just laughed at her. It felt really good to laugh, too. We all took a moment to catch our breaths before heading down the hallway towards my apartment. When we reached my door I noticed the faint glow of a light streaming underneath the tiny space between the bottom of my door and the floor. I was immediately suspicious. I was very conscious of turning my lights off before I left my apartment and was almost certain I'd done so before Alice and I had left for campus earlier in the afternoon. But then again, I had been in a heightened emotional state this morning, so it was possible I'd forgotten to turn off my living room light. Possible, I thought, but not probable. I reached out very carefully and tested the door knob. It was locked, as it should be. I took my keys from my purse, unlocked my front door and very cautiously pushed the door open.

I wasn't prepared to see Edward sitting lazily in the center of my couch, his eyes trained on my television. I froze in spot, reeling from the onslaught of emotions that ravaged my body. I was relieved, intensely so, to see Edward sitting there. I didn't know why he was there. He wasn't supposed to be there. But he was, and I had never been more relieved to see someone than I was to see Edward sitting there that evening. But while I was relieved, I was also confused. Why was Edward sitting on my couch? He was supposed to work late. He had said so himself in the note that he'd left this morning. I was also ashamed. When Edward looked up and saw me standing there in the doorway, the wide grin on his face and the sparkle in his eyes left little room for doubt - he was thrilled to see me. Yet I'd doubted him, doubted what he felt for me. Finally, I was angry. I was angry as hell at Edward for what he'd put me through that day, wondering why he'd left so abruptly in the morning, why he'd left that cryptic note and why he hadn't called me back the entire day.

"Bella!" Edward greeted me enthusiastically, standing up and moving to make his way toward me. But I stopped him with my hand.

"What's going on here? Who the hell is sitting on Bella's couch?"

I heard Jacob speaking behind me, but nothing mattered to me in that moment, nothing else but the fact that Edward was standing there before me. And suddenly it was all too much for me to process. Each and every emotion that was fighting for dominance inside of me was simultaneously tearing me apart and breaking me down. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I brushed passed Edward and into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I left Edward, Alice, Jasper and Jake standing together in the middle of my living room.

It was only a matter of moments before I heard a soft knock and my bedroom door open and click shut. Edward didn't ask if he could come in, he just did. My back was turned away from the door but I knew it was Edward. I could sense his presence in any room.

"Bella?" He called my name anxiously. "Bella, what's happened?" He asked. I could feel him stepping closer to me because the closer he got, the stronger the pull between the two of us was. It was comforting at times, maddening at others. I couldn't stay away from him, even if I wanted to.

"You left without saying goodbye," I whispered, my eyes shut and my head hung low.

"What?" He asked slowly, clearly not understanding what I was talking about.

"This morning, Edward," I clarified, a bit forcefully. "You left without saying goodbye." Edward didn't speak right away, though I could still feel him behind me, could hear him breathing.

"Is that what this is about?" He finally asked. I couldn't see his face, but I could hear it in his voice. He didn't understand why I was so upset. I whirled around to face him only to find he was right there. We were standing inches apart. I looked up and stared him square in the eye.

"You never leave without saying goodbye," I accused, my voice cracking as I spoke. I was angry at myself for crying but there was no point in trying to stop it. The tears were going to fall.

"You were sound asleep, Bella!" He said frantically, obviously desperate to make things right. "I thought I'd let you sleep! You've been running yourself ragged lately," he said. I looked into Edward's eyes and saw the same thing I had felt this morning - panic.

"And what about the note, Edward," I challenged him again. "Why on earth would you leave me a note telling me it would be better for you to sleep at your hotel tonight? Do you have any idea what that did to me?" I cried out. I wiped furiously at the tears that were spilling freely from my eyes. Edward just stood there, looking completely bewildered by my behavior and growing more and more anxious by the moment.

"I didn't mean anything by it, Bella! For Christ's sake, I thought I would be doing you a favor! You haven't been getting very much sleep with me coming to your apartment at all hours of the night! You were so tired last night, I just thought…" Edward stopped mid-sentence, pausing for a moment before continuing. "Damn it, Bella, I just thought you might want to get a solid night's rest. What are you thinking here? Can you please just tell me what the hell is going on?"

"What's going on?" I cried out, not believing that Edward could really be so daft. Could he really not see why it was I was so upset? "You kissed me last night, Edward," I yelled. "You kissed me, fell asleep with me in your arms then woke up and left me without so much as a whisper goodbye. Then you left me a note telling me it would be better if you didn't come by tonight and you didn't return any of my calls all day long!"

Edward exhaled sharply, smacking the palms of his hands against his face in frustration before running his hands up through his hair. "I couldn't answer my phone on set today, Bella!" He yelled back, before taking a step back. And then Edward froze, uttering nary a word, staring straight forward at the wall with a blank expression on his face. And I could see it as it crept its way slowly across his face - realization.

Edward looked down at me, holding my gaze with his own. "You thought I was having second thoughts, didn't you?" He asked quietly, and I closed my eyes, nodding my head slowly.

I felt him as he closed the space between us.

"How could you think I could have any regrets over what happened between the two of us last night?" He searched my eyes, imploring me to understand that he had no regrets, no regrets whatsoever.

"I'm…I'm sorry Edward," I whispered, forcing myself to meet his gaze. "I just…I wasn't exactly sure how you felt and I panicked. This is all so new to me, I don't know what to do, how to act, how to feel…." I trailed off, feeling totally ridiculous now for ever having doubted Edward. I hated feeling so insecure.

"You want to know how I feel?" Edward all but whispered as he stepped towards me. I looked up at him and his eyes were burning with an intensity I'd never seen before. I felt myself shiver. His stare penetrated me, seeing right through to the deepest part of who I was, and I immediately felt vulnerable and exposed. It was physically difficult not to look away. But I couldn't. I was captivated by Edward, drunk off of his presence, completely wound up in him. I shuddered before the back of his hand even brushed against my cheek. And when it did, it was the most beautiful sensation of electricity and whisper soft skin floating against mine that I whimpered. He drew near, bringing his lips towards mine, bending down to gently suck on my upper lip, pulling it into his mouth and then releasing it before sighing heavily and bringing his forehead to meet mine. I felt weak at the knees and reached out to Edward, grabbing onto his arms to steady me.

"This is how I feel," he whispered softly against my lips before gently parting my lips with his tongue. I could feel his tongue pushing into my mouth, searching for and tangling with mine. He deepened the kiss, all the while walking me backwards until my back was flush against the wall. His hands moved to either side of my head, his fingers splayed out flat against the wall leaving me nowhere to go. He surrounded me, and in that moment, I felt my sanity slipping away. I slid my hands up Edward's arms, moving them to his face, anchoring him firmly to my mouth. I kissed Edward back, hard, my tongue frantically pushing against his, our lips moving together sloppily. We kissed for what could have been hours before Edward finally broke away, panting into my mouth. Edward pulled back from me ever so slightly, looking deep into my eyes. And the emotion spilling forth from him in that moment was simply too much for me to bear. I had to shut my eyes.

"Don't do that," he whispered in a hush. "Don't shut me out." And he kissed each of my eyelids so softly it felt like the wings of a butterfly brushing against my skin. I swallowed hard and opened my eyes only to find myself on the verge of tears. Edward brought his hands forward from beside my head, cupping either side of my face in the palms of his hands. I felt his fingers traveling up my face and gently sweeping my tears away. And then he smiled at me, the tenderest of smiles, and I bit my lower lip, smiling back at him.

"I wanted to kiss you like that last night," he said, his thumbs drawing circles against my cheeks. I leaned towards his touch, a rush of emotions consuming me. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest and all I could think about was kissing Edward again.

"Why didn't you?" I managed to ask, fighting hard to keep some control.

Edward's fingers stilled, and he gripped my face firmly, but gently.

"You're very difficult to read, Bella," he said. "You hold a lot back from me, I know. I don't always know what it is you want and I don't want to rush you. I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything you don't want to do."

"I want this," I whispered, reaching up to draw the palm of my hand down his cheek. "I want you."

Before the words had even fully left my mouth, Edward's lips were upon mine again, moving forcefully, his tongue pushing forward, tasting me, caressing the inside of my mouth. I sighed, letting my hands travel up his body and wind themselves into his tousled bronze locks. Edward moaned when I did this, pulling me closer. He kissed me feverishly, all the while holding tight to the side of my face. When he finally pulled away, both of us were breathing raggedly.

"Never doubt, Bella," he said while running his index finger along my bottom lip, slightly swollen from the force of his kisses. "Never doubt." And he brought his forehead against mine again before drawing me to his chest. I wrapped my arms around him, holding fast to him. Whereas I felt as if I were drowning this morning, I now felt anchored, anchored to Edward in a way that felt certain - felt permanent.

Presently there was a knock at the door.

"Bella?" Alice whispered tentatively.

I immediately tensed up. Alice was still here. I'd all but forgotten about her. Were the others still here? If so, Jake must now know about me and Edward. I felt Edward's arms rubbing up and down my back, soothing me.

"Why are you so tense?" He asked, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

"Alice is still here. We should probably go back out there," I mumbled into his chest, squeezing him tighter to me. I didn't want to let go. I just wanted to stand there, holding Edward, memorizing how it felt so as never to forget. But I had to let go. I had no choice.

"I agree," Edward said, gently pulling away from me. He took my hand and squeezed it as we walked to the door, pulled it open and headed back out into the living room.

The atmosphere in the living room was incredibly tense. Jake was leaning up against the wall by the front door, his left foot propped up against the wall. His eyes followed my every movement as Edward and I walked toward him together. I realized that Edward had no idea who Jake was other than the fact that he was the third member of my string trio. Edward had already met Jasper on several occasions. He and Alice had joined Edward and me for dinner at my apartment twice now. Edward and Jasper got along famously. Edward told me that he felt an incredible sense of serenity in Jasper's presence and Jasper loved to hear Edward's often hilarious tales of fangirls declaring their love for him during public appearances. But Jake had never come to dinner. In fact, he'd never even entered into any of our conversations. He was very simply the third member of Heaven's Gate String Trio.

I swallowed hard as I approached Jake, desperately trying to shake the overwhelming guilt I felt at standing there holding Edward's hand. I had no reason to feel guilty, no reason whatsoever. Logically I knew that, but my heart felt differently. Standing there, staring into Jake's eyes - a look of complete and utter devastation reflected back at me, I just wanted to run as far away as possible from the here and now.

"Jake," I said, trying my best to remain calm. I smiled lightly at him but he didn't smile back. "Jake I'd like you meet a…" I hesitated, struggling with what to refer to Edward as. A few weeks ago he would have simply been my friend. But today he stood beside me as something much more than that. But what? Edward looked down at me, seeming to understand my dilemma. Thankfully, he took command of the situation, offering his right hand to Jake in greeting.

"I'm Edward," he said simply. Jake averted his gaze from me long enough to look Edward up and down, sizing him up. His eyes narrowed when they fell on my hand interlocked with Edward's. Edward continued to hold his hand out, but Jake just stood there, refusing to offer his own in return.

Edward cleared his throat, withdrawing his hand after a moment. He looked down at me, then over to Jake, clearly confused by the exchange.

"What is this, Bella," Jake spat, standing straight up. Jake was a big man, towering over Edward's tall, lean frame. He was perfectly proportioned and muscular. People often laughed when they learned he was a professional violist as he looked more like a professional athlete. Jacob's dark, copper skin contrasted sharply with the creamy pallor of Edward's skin. He'd also recently cut his long and beautiful raven colored hair, electing to wear it cropped short instead. I'd cried when he'd cut his hair.

"Jake, please," I said, dropping Edward's hand and taking a step in Jake's direction.

"So this is why you've been so distant these past few weeks. I thought maybe it was something I'd done. I should have known there was someone keeping you company," he said bitterly. Edward looked slowly from me to Jake before taking a step back, giving us some space. "But really, Bella, Edward Cullen? This is almost unbelievable. If I hadn't have stood here and seen you holding hands with him with my own two eyes I would never have believed it."

I swallowed hard, not really knowing what to say. The entire room was silent, no one daring to say a word. Jake was angry - much angrier than I'd anticipated.

"What? Don't you have anything to say for yourself, Bella?" Jake taunted me.

"I don't owe you any explanations, Jake," I said, suddenly feeling as if I needed to defend myself. Jake was out of line here.

"Don't you, Bella?" he retorted. "Or have I really just imagined what it is we have together? Have I imagined your touches in passing? Have I imagined the countless nights we've stayed up all night talking? Have I really just imagined the way you look at me when you think I'm not looking," he challenged. My eyes opened wide in disbelief.

"Jake, you're one of my closest friends," I cried out. "I adore you. You know that. Why are you twisting things around to make it seem like there is something more between us?"

"Because there is, Bella!" Jake yelled, his face contorted in angry frustration. "There always has been! At least for me, and I was damned certain for you too, until I walked into your living room this evening and saw you with him," Jake sneered while glaring at Edward. Edward was standing very still, staring forward at Jacob, occasionally glancing over at me. His face was blank. I couldn't get a read on what it was he was thinking, but I knew whatever it was it couldn't be good.

"Jake, I think you'd better leave now," I said quietly, but pointedly, trying my damnedest to control the anger that was threatening to take control. The longer I stood there and thought about things, the angrier I got. And I didn't want to say or do anything I would regret. It was beyond me how we'd even gotten to this point. Jasper had obviously been right all along. Jake's feelings for me were much stronger than I had thought. And it didn't appear as if my attempt at extinction had worked, either. I'd never seen Jake this agitated and regretted not having spoken to him about Edward earlier.

"Fine, Bella. If that's what you want, I'll leave," Jake said, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Then Jake turned to Edward. "But I'll have you know one thing," he seethed, pointing his finger at Edward, "I know the games people like you play, Cullen. Somehow, someway you've managed to manipulate Bella into believing that she actually has a chance for a normal, healthy relationship with you when both you and I know that's impossible. You can't give that to her. You're a drifter, Cullen, moving from one movie set to another. You can never give Bella what I can give her. Bella doesn't need somebody to come in and sweep her off of her feet then leave her sobbing on the tarmac when you leave. She needs someone who can remain by her side and care for her permanently. I'm that person, Cullen, not you. And make no mistake. I will fight for her with everything that I've got. And when you leave her, because you will, I will be the one to pick of the pieces," Jacob spat at Edward.

The room was silent. Nobody said a word. Everybody just stood in place, staring at Jacob in disbelief. I was shocked at the vitriol that spewed from Jake's mouth. I had never imagined the depth of his feelings for me. I didn't know what to say. I knew I should say something to defend my relationship with Edward but I was too stunned by what Jake had said to say anything at all. I turned to look at Edward. He was tense. His jaws were locked tight and I could hear the sound of his teeth grinding back and forth. Edward's hands were balled into tight fists, hanging by his side.

"It's interesting how close you seem to believe you are to Bella, Jacob," Edward started. His voice was cool, calm and eerily calculated. I noticed a silent exchange between Jasper and Alice. They were starting to get worried. "You seem to think that you know what's best for her, seem to think that what is best for her is _you_. But what I'm having trouble understanding here is if that's the case, why am _I_ the one spending all my nights here in Bella's apartment? Why am _I_ the one standing here now, holding Bella's hand in my own?" And with that Edward reached out and took my hand firmly in his, all the while never taking his eyes off of Jacob. "I venture to say that Bella," and he took care to articulate my name, "knows what's best for Bella. Who Bella chooses to be with is her decision, not mine, not yours." Edward looked down at me then, a curious look on his face.

"Tell me Bella, who is it you prefer to be with? If your relationship with Jake is as he implies, then by all means, go and be with him. It was never my intention to steal you away from anybody," Edward said, and I completely panicked. Why was he doing this to me? Why was he putting me in this position? Did he really believe there was any iota of truth to what Jacob had said? And then it hit me. Edward was forcing my hand. He was forcing me to take a stand for our relationship, forcing me to stand up and fight for us. This was it. I had no doubt whatsoever that if I faltered even the slightest bit in my decision that Edward would leave, because at his base, Edward was honorable. Edward was a gentleman. He would not be with a woman who was already involved with another man.

"I'm with Edward, Jake. Now please leave," I said firmly, leaving no room for doubt as to whom my affections lay with. Edward held tight to my hand, though I could feel him relax ever so slightly with my words. Jake looked from Edward to me and I winced when I saw the pain and devastation in his eyes. Jake stared at me for a very long and uncomfortable moment before turning on his heels, swinging open the front door, and abruptly leaving.

None of us said anything for a few minutes after Jake left. All of us just stood together in the middle of my apartment in reflective silence, each of us trying desperately to figure out what this turn of events meant. For Edward, who up until this evening had never even met Jake, I was certain he was working through what Jake's revelations would mean for us as a couple. For Jasper, I knew his mind was reeling with the ramifications of this falling out for our string trio. Were we even still a trio, now? Would Jake still be willing to play in our group given what had just happened? For Alice, I knew she was standing in place, worrying profusely about my mental state of mind. Alice knew how important Jake's friendship was to me. She knew how I'd come to depend on him emotionally over the years and knew what it would mean for me to have that be no more.

As for me, I was devastated. I was overcome with guilt. I should have seen this coming. I should have told Jake about Edward earlier. Maybe then things would have turned out differently, but then again, maybe not. All I knew was the physical pain it caused me to watch Jake leave. Despite what had happened in my apartment that evening, Jake was still my friend. I cared about him deeply and didn't like to see him hurt. But he'd given me no other choice. When faced with having to choose between Jake's friendship and a relationship with Edward, well, there really wasn't a choice to be made. There was simply no way I could not be with Edward. No matter what it meant for me, I had to be with Edward. I didn't pretend to understand the intensity of my certainty that Edward and I had to be. I just knew it was.

Jasper broke the collective silence first, clearing his throat and suggesting to Alice that perhaps it would be better if they left. Alice looked to me to make certain that was what I wanted. I nodded my head slowly. I didn't want to talk about this with Jasper and Alice. I didn't really want to talk about it with Edward, either, but knew that was inevitable. When Alice saw that I was okay with her leaving, she reached out for Jasper's hand and together they made their way toward me. Jasper dropped Alice's hand and pulled me firmly to his chest, whispering assurances in my ear. I squeezed Jasper back and he released me, reaching out his hand towards Edward.

"Sorry about all this, man," Jasper said. "Jake can be a little hot headed sometimes. This too will pass," he said, smiling lightly at Edward.

"Thanks," Edward whispered. He looked slightly dazed, as if he he'd just been blindsided and was still attempting to recover.

I felt a little tug on my arm and Alice pulled me off to the side.

"You did the right thing, Bella," Alice said, turning to look me in the eye. "Jake was out of line. He'll come around though and this whole matter will diffuse itself in short order. I promise you," she said. I nodded my head. I knew what Alice was doing. She didn't want me to worry about Jake. She wanted me to focus on my relationship with Edward now. I hoped she was right about Jake. I wanted nothing more than to smooth things over with Jake and for things to go back to the way they were before, though I doubted that was possible now. But I knew Alice was right about Edward. I needed to focus on my relationship with Edward, because Jake had been right about one thing this evening. Edward would be leaving, and he would be leaving sooner than either one of us wanted. If Edward and I had any hope of making things work once he went away we had to give everything we had to this relationship now.

I hugged Alice goodbye then walked back over to Edward, taking his hand in mine and giving it a light squeeze. He smiled down at me, though it wasn't one of those beautiful smiles that lit up his entire face. No. It was a sad, wistful smile that caused my breath to hitch in my throat and my heart to ache. We said goodbye to Alice and Jasper, and when I shut the door after them and turned around, Edward was standing there staring intently at me.

"What was that all about?" He asked, getting right to the point. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"You're upset," I noted.

"Of course I'm upset, Bella!" He spat, walking away from me, running both his hands frantically through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered, hanging my head low. I was so tired. All I honestly wanted to do was lay down and here I was fighting with Edward now.

"I don't want you to be sorry, Bella," Edward sighed frustrated. "I just want to know what the hell is going on. How come you never told me about Jacob?" He asked, in a somewhat accusatory manner. My first instinct was to be angry with him, offended that he would even think I would lie to him. But I realized he had every right to be angry right now.

"I didn't realize he felt as strongly as he did, Edward," I said honestly. I walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest. "I wasn't trying to keep anything from you. I just didn't really think there was anything to talk about." Edward sighed heavily, walking over to the couch and sitting down beside me, Indian style, on the couch.

"Did you realize he had feelings for you?" He asked, this time more gently. The accusatory tone had disappeared.

"I did," I said, looking over and making eye contact with Edward.

"And you didn't think that maybe you should talk about this with me?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Damn it, Bella," Edward huffed, getting back up from the couch again. "Does it escape your notice that you tend to keep things from me? Because it hasn't escaped mine."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, lifting my head from my knees and looking out towards where Edward stood in the living room. He was starting to pace.

"I'm talking about the fact that we've spent the last month talking mostly about myself! I've shared so much of who I am with you but you've shared very little with me in return! Every so often you'll share a thought or a memory and I've taken those moments greedily, memorizing every small piece of information you've shared with me. But I want more, Bella. I need you to be honest with me. If this relationship is ever going to work, you can't shut me out. You have to trust me, Bella." Edward stopped pacing and turned to look at me. "Can you do that?"

I sat on the couch and stared at Edward. He was right. I had been horribly unfair to him over the past month, encouraging him to open himself up to me, to share who he was with me while I wasn't willing to reciprocate. And now he was calling me out. He wanted more than I was giving. He wanted me to make myself vulnerable before him. He wanted me to trust him. But could I do that? Could I trust Edward? I felt I owed it to him to at least try. And I wasn't stupid. I knew that ultimately our relationship depended almost wholly on us being able to trust one another, especially if Edward and I were going to be spending large amounts of time apart from one another. But I was getting ahead of myself. Right here, in the present, Edward was standing before me, asking me if I could trust him. And I needed to give him an answer. I stood up from the couch and walked over to him slowly. When I was standing right in front of him, I reached out, taking both his hands in mine.

"I can try," I said quietly, earnestly. I stood up on the tips of my toes and gently kissed Edward's lips. His eyelids fell, and I felt him sigh. I clutched his hands tighter in mine, moving to deepen the kiss, but Edward pulled back. I looked up at him, hurt and slightly confused by his rejection.

"I can't do that, Bella. I can't turn myself on and off like that," he said, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. His warm breath washed across my forehead and down my face. Normally my stomach would have been doing flips, my heart racing erratically at the magnificent sensation, but not tonight. Tonight it just made me feel sad.

"Come on. It's getting late and we're both tired. Let's just go to bed." Edward let go of my left hand, keeping my right hand firmly locked together with his, and led us through the living room and into the bedroom. I was frustrated and annoyed with everything that had happened this evening. And yes, I was a little bit scared, for I knew that eventually I was going to have to open myself up entirely to Edward. I was going to have to come clean with him and the thought of that petrified me. But for tonight I relished the fact that Edward was leading me by my hand towards the bed, towards our bed, where we would fall asleep together, wrapped securely in each other's arms. And at least for tonight there would be nothing for us to be confused about, nothing for us to fret over. Lying together in each other's arms, all we would know would be each other and what it was each of us felt for the other.


	8. Comfort

**Author's Notes:**

**Thank you to all of you who take the time to not only read, but also review. I sincerely appreciate your thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter 8: Comfort**

I loved Edward. I knew this with the type of certainty with which one knows their own name. Neither Edward nor I may have reached that point where we were ready to declare ourselves to each other, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I loved Edward. I loved him like I'd loved no other before. It never ceased to amaze me how life could change so blindingly fast, forever changing who you were. There were clearly two events in my life that had done just that. The accident was of course the first of these two events. And Edward - meeting Edward was the second.

I lay in my bed, firmly encased in the arms of the man I loved. It was late, sometime after midnight. Edward had been tired this evening and we'd ended up going to bed shortly after ten. I couldn't sleep, though. I considered slipping out of bed and into the living room to play my cello, but I knew that as soon as I disentangled myself from Edward's arms he'd be looking for me. He did that, even in his sleep, for if we weren't wrapped up tightly in each other's arms, neither one of us could sleep. Our bodies craved each other's touch and would seek it out if the other shifted in their sleep. It was comforting. And it was beautiful. I had never felt so deeply connected to anything or anyone in my entire life.

It had been a week since the uncomfortable confrontation with Jake and things were more or less back to normal. I'd seen Jake several times since and though he'd been cool, he'd been civil. Neither one of us mentioned what happened in my living room that night. I knew the matter was far from settled, could see this in the way that Jake looked at me, but for now, neither one of us seemed to want to talk about what had happened. And that was just fine with me.

Looking back, it's funny how I tended to remember very little about that fateful evening other than how Edward had kissed me in my bedroom. Edward kissed me like that often now. And each and every time he drew near me, pressing his lips to mine, it was like he was kissing me for the first time all over again. His very presence arrested all of my senses and when we were apart, he was all I longed to see. I was without a doubt, his. The rush of feelings associated with falling in love with Edward was slightly disconcerting, but Alice assured me it was perfectly normal. It was the thrill of new love, she said, though somehow that didn't seem to do justice to what it was Edward and I shared. What we had together honestly felt more like old love than it did new love. Indeed, it felt like I'd loved this man forever.

I thought of this as I lay in bed - thought of how my life was inextricably linked to Edward's now, and found myself shaking my head in pure wonder. I still couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact that I was in love with him. I felt Edward chuckle lightly underneath me, his chest rising and falling softly, and I immediately felt guilty for waking him. Edward's left arm moved from where he held me firmly against his chest and I shivered as he started rubbing it lightly up and down my arm.

"What's going on inside that beautiful head of yours?" He asked sleepily.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I didn't mean to wake you." I kissed his chest lightly and felt him shudder. I smiled against his skin. I loved what even my slightest touch could do to him.

"I'm never sorry to awaken to that," he sighed and I laughed, pressing another small kiss to his chest. We lay together quietly for a little while, Edward ghosting his fingers up and down my arm, me tracing small circles on his chest. I loved lying with Edward like this, surrounded by the dark, my sense of sight temporarily silenced. It heightened my other senses, allowing me to experience Edward on a whole other level.

"So are you going to tell me what's keeping you awake?" Edward asked after awhile. I thought he'd fallen back asleep.

"Nothing in particular," I said. "Just thinking of how incredible it is that this is happening to us. Sometimes I still can't believe it," I added softly.

"Why is that?" Edward asked, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. I shrugged.

"I don't think it will ever make sense to me why you chose to be with me," I said honestly. "There are so many women who want to be with you, so many women that you could be with," I mused more to myself than to Edward. Edward didn't say anything. He just lay there, continuing to drag his fingers slowly up and down my arm.

"Alice is right, you know," he murmured softly in the dark a few moments later. "You don't see yourself very clearly." I swallowed hard and sighed against Edward's chest. I started tracing circles around Edward's left nipple and I felt him inhale sharply, his fingers coming to rest by my elbow.

"Mmm," he murmured. "That feels incredible." I smiled and pinched his nipple and he jumped, reaching out with his hand to grab mine by the wrist.  
"Play nice," he warned, bringing my hand up to his mouth and placing a kiss on the back of it. I chuckled lightly, bringing my hand back down to his chest where I continued to trace circles.

"You know Bella," Edward said a little while later, "I wasn't looking for love when I met you. In fact, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I was actually very bitter about the whole thing, kind of resigned to the fact that it just wouldn't be possible for me to ever have a normal relationship with a girl. It seemed everyone wanted to date my character in the films. They weren't interested in who _I_ was, really." Edward grew quiet, and he started running his fingers up and down my arm again, this time tracing down further to the tip of my middle finger before dragging them back up my arm again. The sensation caused me to shiver and I nestled in closer to him.

"When you sat down next to me on the plane, Bella, I cringed," Edward continued. "I automatically assumed you'd recognize me and want some silly photograph of us together to show to your friends. But instead, you ignored me, which was, I can assure you, highly unusual in my experience. I have to say I was terrifically relieved, but at the same time, for reasons that were unfathomable to me, I was also insanely curious about you. And when you powered up your laptop and started composing music, I couldn't help but strike up a conversation." I lay with my head on Edward's chest, listening intently to what he was saying. We'd never really talked about our encounter on the plane, other than to acknowledge that both of us had experienced a mysterious exchange of energy with the other. I loved listening to Edward recall our very first moments together - loved knowing how it was that he felt when we'd first met.

"After talking with you for close to an hour, I figured introductions would be appropriate." Edward chuckled softly as he said this, and I laughed with him. "I was nervous about introducing myself, though," he added quietly.

"Nervous?" I asked, surprised by his admission. I lifted my head from his chest and searched the dark for the outline of his face. "Why?" I couldn't see him well, but I stared at his face, anyway. I felt Edward shrug underneath me.

"I was quite enjoying having a normal conversation with a beautiful girl. I felt so at ease with you and I didn't want to ruin that. But I wanted to know your name, so I decided to tell you mine." I laughed then, remembering the moment very clearly. I gently extricated myself from Edward's arms and sat up in bed. I cleared my throat and summoned my most masculine voice.

"I'm Edward," I teased, holding my hand out to him just as he had held his hand out to me on that night not so long ago.

Edward chuckled, shaking his head at my theatrics. "Yeah, I figured I'd play things safe and keep things on a first name basis to begin with."

"Oh please," I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "I knew who you were." Edward chuckled again, sitting up in bed himself. He looked over at me, and I could just make out the beautiful contour of his face.

"I know you did," he said simply a moment later. He was strangely quiet, not saying anything when it felt like he should.

"Did that bother you?" I asked, wishing I could see his face better. Edward sighed, shaking his head ever so slightly back and forth.

"No," he said, "Because you simply placed your hand in mine, gripping it firmly and telling me your name. You have no idea what that meant to me, Bella, just to be able to introduce myself like an average person."

"Just an average boy, introducing himself to an average girl," I mused.

"Precisely," he said. I looked at Edward, and though I couldn't make out the details of his face, I could see that he was brooding. He wasn't smiling, nor was he frowning. He was simply staring at me, and it was disarming.

"Do you realize that it had been over a year since I was able to introduce myself to a stranger without being rudely cut off and hastily informed that the person already knew who I was? There is a certain dignity in being able to introduce oneself properly, Bella." I nodded my head slowly, realizing once again how hard it was for Edward to live a normal life. Little things that we all took for granted, the simple act of introducing oneself to another person, were monumentally important to Edward. I saw he was still brooding, going to that place in his head he went to when he started agonizing over what his life had become. Because believe it or not, being a famous actor was anything but easy. Edward struggled on a daily basis to keep his life as normal as possible but it was a far from simple task. I poked at Edward, wanting to dissipate some of his tension. The atmosphere in the room was quickly becoming oppressive.

"So," I taunted Edward, "if I would have recognized you from the start and asked for a photograph, chances are you wouldn't be sitting here beside me right now, correct?" I couldn't tell, but I thought I saw a small smile tug at his lips. He chuckled softly to himself then turned to face me.

"Well you see, that's the interesting thing," he said, reaching out and tracing down the outline of my face with his forefinger. "The more time I spent with you, the stronger my attraction to you was, so much so that when the plane touched down, all I could think about was seeing you again. I knew I had to ask for your number," Edward paused, and this time I saw it clear as day, a sly smile spreading across his face, "and I never ask a girl for their number," he finished, giving me one of "those" looks. I gulped. Of course he never asked a girl for their number; they always gave their numbers to him.

Edward laughed at my reaction, reaching out and grabbing my hand. I sighed, relishing in the contact. I missed lying in his arms already. "Back to what I was saying," he said and smiled at me. "I knew I had to ask you for your number, Bella, because I knew if I didn't see you again that your face…" he trailed off, reaching out and brushing his fingers across my lips, "that smile would haunt me." I could hear Edward swallow hard. "We're fate, Bella," Edward said very seriously. And I froze. "You say you don't understand why I chose to be with you. Now I could sit here all night and give you a thousand and one reasons why, but ultimately none of them matter because I honestly don't think either one of us had a choice." Edward kept hold of my hand and leaned forward. I felt his warm breath on my skin before I felt the soft touch of his nose as he traced back and forth along my jaw line, stopping right below my ear.

"We're fate, Bella," he whispered again in my ear, his voice husky and laced with lust. "You and I were meant to be. I can't stay away from you. I find myself turning towards you always, looking for you when I know you're not there. I need you in ways I've never needed anyone before, in ways I can't even begin to explain." Edward was breathing heavily now and the sensation of his breath caressing my ear caused me to shudder.

"You do the same thing to me," I whispered in the dark and felt his lips crush against mine. He continued to kiss me as he rolled over so that he was lying on top of me, covering me with the full weight of his body. I loved for him to do this - loved to feel like he was swallowing me whole. I wound my arms around his back, skimming them up to pull at the hair at the nape of his neck. He moaned, pressing himself to me more tightly. I could feel all of him as his body began to shift ever so slightly against mine. The sensation was mind-blowing and I could feel myself growing more and more excited. I pushed my tongue further into Edward's mouth, our tongues tangling and fighting for dominance. And then I gasped, aloud. Edward immediately pulled back.

"Are you okay?" He asked, breathing heavily. I nodded slowly, smiling mischievously. Using the leverage I'd gained from his retreat, I thrust my body towards his, pushing him onto his back with my two hands while I landed squarely on top of him. Edward looked up at me, a wicked twinkle in his eye.

"If you wanted to be on top, why didn't you just say so?" He asked, reaching out and running both his hands along the contour of my backside. He pushed me down onto him, and I gasped.

"Mmm…you'd like that, wouldn't you," I hummed, realizing that we needed to stop what we were doing before things got any further out of hand. I could feel Edward underneath me. He was unfathomably hard, and I found myself rocking against him involuntarily. Edward was staring at me, his eyes focused and hard. He wanted me. But I wasn't ready for this; not yet. I slowly ceased my rocking, backing down off of him.

"We need to stop," I whispered, nearly out of breath. Edward didn't hesitate. He lifted me off of him and rolled me onto my back. We both lay in the dark, side by side, panting heavily.

"Tease," Edward said, reaching over and grabbing my hand. I knew he was kidding, but it still stung.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, because I was. Edward and I were finding ourselves in this predicament every evening now. But I just wasn't ready. Everything was happening so fast, so fast that I didn't feel as if I had a firm grip on reality most days. It had been less than two weeks since Edward had kissed me for the first time and I needed more time to adjust to the idea of Edward and I being together in an intimate manner. And when we did finally make love, I didn't want for it to just pass us by. I wanted it to be meaningful. I wanted it to be something the both of us would remember, always.

"Don't be," Edward murmured in the dark. His breathing was returning to normal and I could hear him yawn. "I'll wait for you," he said before squeezing my hand and drifting off to sleep.

When I woke up Tuesday morning of that week, I knew something was wrong. My head was throbbing and my body ached all over. I hadn't slept well. I'd felt nauseous for most of the night. It didn't help matters that every time I shifted in my sleep, Edward held me closer. Normally, I loved this. It was especially comforting when my dreams morphed into nightmares. But last night it had actually felt suffocating only I didn't have the heart to tell Edward, so I suffered in silence.

Edward and I had gone to bed somewhat late last night. Alice and Jasper had come over for dinner and Jasper and Edward had ended up holding a jam session with Edward on piano and Jasper on guitar while Alice and I chatted on the couch. Right before Alice and Jasper left, Alice reminded me that this Friday was the annual gala charity event for her organization Dramatic Arts Outreach. She expected me to attend and asked Edward if he would like to attend, too. He immediately accepted her invitation, looking right at me and winking as he did. I was none to thrilled with this idea as this was a very high profile event, but I could see that Edward was excited and didn't have the heart to tell him no.

Edward woke early that morning, gently pulling his arms from around me. I was too tired to get up and have breakfast with him. I mumbled something about having a headache and Edward leaned over, kissing my temple softly.

"Get some sleep," he murmured and that's all I remember. I slept like the dead until half past eleven when I was jolted awake by that awful churning feeling you get when you're about to get sick. I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, leaning down by the toilet and pulling my hair out of my face just in time to vomit. I hated throwing up, but sometimes you simply had no choice. I felt mildly better afterwards and decided to make my way, half erect, into the living room. I flopped down on the couch, covering myself with my grandmother's afghan. I inhaled deeply, smelling Edward on the blanket. And despite the fact that I felt like hell, I couldn't help but smile.

I fell asleep again, waking to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I wasn't sure what time it was, I only knew I wasn't feeling any better. I sat up, rubbing my eyes with my fists and trying to decide whether or not I was physically capable of walking to the kitchen where my phone lay charging on the countertop. The phone rang six times before my voicemail picked up. The apartment grew quiet, but moments later the phone started to ring again. I knew it was Edward. He always called twice as I never seemed to be able to reach my phone in time the first time around. I took a deep breath and heaved my legs over the side of the couch. Bracing myself with my two hands, I pushed myself outward and up into a standing position. I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach and cursed myself for not retrieving my phone from the kitchen earlier. But I knew I had no choice but to get to my phone now. If I didn't answer the phone, Edward would worry. I glanced at my watch. It was lunchtime. We talked to each other the same time every day. Defying all odds, I managed to get myself to the kitchen. I grabbed my phone on the sixth ring, flipping it open and slumping down to the kitchen floor.

"Hello?" I said weakly.

"Bella?" Edward asked. He was immediately concerned. "What's wrong? You don't sound well," he said anxiously.

"I'm not. I think I have the flu," I replied, thinking to myself that it was a lot of work to sit here and talk to Edward. My stomach was starting to churn again. I heard Edward sigh.

"I thought something might be wrong this morning. Your forehead felt clammy when I kissed it. What can I bring you? I'll try to get out of here early," he said.

I thought about it for a moment, and decided it would be better if Edward didn't come over this afternoon. I felt like shit and I didn't want to give him whatever it was that I had. The charity event was this Friday and I knew it was important to Alice that Edward and I were both there.

"I think it would be better if you didn't come over today, Edward," I said, though I immediately regretted my words. I could hear Edward breathe in deeply.

"Oh," he said sadly, followed quickly by "I understand. I'll just give you a call a little later on to check on you. Gotta run, Bella. Feel better." The line went dead.

"Shit," I cursed out loud, angry with myself. I'd hurt his feelings. I hadn't meant to, but he was so sensitive sometimes and I just wasn't the misery loves company type. When I was sick, I just wanted to be left alone. And as I'd said before, I didn't want Edward to get sick, too. Nonetheless, I felt badly and dialed his number back. If he wanted to suffer along with me, I wouldn't tell him no. It was his choice. His phone rang eleven times before the voicemail picked up. "Damn it," I muttered, knowing full well that Edward was ignoring my call. He could be so petulant sometimes. I called again and left a message, apologizing and telling him he could come over, but I couldn't guarantee his health if he did. That's all I could get out before the urge to vomit overwhelmed me. I dropped the phone to the floor and ran to the bathroom. This time my hair got in the way. I cursed my long locks and the fact that I would be forced to take a shower now.

Thirty minutes later I'd somehow managed to shower without collapsing and was back on the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV. I'd remembered to retrieve my phone from the kitchen floor and it now sat on the coffee table. Edward hadn't called back, but I didn't think he would. In fact, I was fairly certain he'd be walking through the door….and in the middle of that thought, Edward did just that. I heard the key turn in the lock and watched as the door swung open. Edward stood there with that beautiful crooked grin of his, holding up a shopping bag.

"Chicken noodle soup, saltines and Gatorade for the ailing beauty," he grinned.

I managed a small smile. I didn't feel like throwing up any more, but was feeling incredibly weak…and tired.

"Do you have a fever?" Edward asked as he made his way to the kitchen to put the groceries up. I could hear him opening the Gatorade and pouring me a glass.

"No," I answered from the living room. I was sitting up on the couch, trying my best to attempt a conversation with Edward, but nothing was coming out. And sitting up made me feel very dizzy.

Edward walked over to me, glass in hand, a straw peeking out from over the rim of the glass.

"Here," he said softly, offering me the glass. "Drink some of this." I smiled appreciatively, taking a few small sips of the Gatorade before placing the glass down on the coffee table. I felt my head wobble a little bit and closed my eyes, leaning back against the cushions on the couch.

"You feel that bad?" Edward asked sympathetically. I nodded.

"Come here," he said, reaching out and pulling me towards him. I loved Edward, loved his touch. But I wasn't sure that was what I wanted right now. But then his arms encased me so gently, and I felt myself slipping down his side so that my head lay on his thigh. Edward propped his feet up on the coffee table and pulled the afghan snug around my neck.

"It's my turn to tuck you in," he whispered then started raking his fingers across my scalp and down the length of my damp hair to the middle of my back. I felt like hell, but _that_ felt divine, and I felt my eyelids grow heavy with sleep.

I woke up sometime later, the TV playing quietly in the background. Edward was snoring softly, my head rising and falling with the gentle movements of his chest. Somehow or another we'd shifted around and Edward was lying stretched out on the couch with me lying between his legs, my head resting on his chest. I reached up with my free hand - the other was tucked under my head, and felt my forehead - still no fever. That was a good thing. Edward startled with my movement, lifting his head and looking around.

"Are you okay?" He asked. He must have just fallen asleep as he looked disoriented.

"I'm fine," I said, patting his chest. "Just a little weak is all."

"Do you want some soup?" He asked yawning, gently rubbing my back. It was then that I realized something was wrong. Edward was incredibly tense. I could feel it in his touch. I tried to sit up but couldn't, and flopped back down on Edward's chest.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wishing I could look up at his face but not having the strength to do so. I felt Edward's hand that was rubbing my back hesitate ever so slightly before continuing its ministrations.

"Nothing," he said hesitantly. "Why do you ask?"

"You're very tense," I said and Edward sighed.

"I had a run in with a particularly obnoxious reporter today," he mumbled.

"Oh?" I said. "What happened?"

"Nothing specifically," Edward responded slowly. "The reporter was just super aggressive, borderline rude, probing into my private life. I ran out of anything charming or witty to say and honestly, I just wanted to run home to you."

I inhaled sharply.

"Home?" I asked curiously, my heart soaring at his use of the word despite the fact I felt like crap. Edward's hand hesitated on my back once again. He didn't say anything.

"It's okay Edward," I assured him quickly. I squeezed him with as much strength as I could muster in my sickened state. "I think of this as your home, too."

Edward leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

"Thank you," he whispered, squeezing me back lightly. "You have no idea how long it's been since I've felt like I had a place to come home to," he mused.

I'd thought about that a lot since I met Edward - thought about how hard it must be for Edward to move from one place to another, never really having the chance to establish roots anywhere.

"I honestly don't know how you've done it, Edward, how you move from one hotel to another, living out of a suitcase," I said, my words trailing off as I shook my head against his chest. It had to be miserable for him. I felt Edward shrug.

"It wasn't so bad in the beginning. Before _Deep in the Woods_ was released I hardly spent any time at all in my hotel room while filming movies. Once filming ended for the day, I was generally out and about with my cast mates. I enjoyed a lot of freedom to explore whatever location it was we were filming in. But with the hysteria surrounding the _Woods_, that all changed. It was so chaotic when I even attempted to go out to dinner that I eventually just stopped. The last film I made I stayed in my room most nights, reading, watching T.V. or playing guitar."

"It must have been lonely," I mused. Edward shook his head up and down.

"It was," he answered simply. "I felt very isolated - trapped even, sometimes."

"Did you ever think of staying in a home with your cast mates, that way you'd at least have some company." Edward chuckled, causing my head to bob up and down. I was feeling slightly dizzy again. Edward apologized, resting his hand on the top of my head to prevent it from jiggling about.

"That would never work, Bella. I'd go mad. Don't get me wrong, I generally enjoy hanging out with my cast mates, but there would be very little personal space if we all shared a house, not to mention the security concerns."

"Oh," I said. I hadn't thought about security. Honestly, I just really didn't know very much about what it meant to be a young, highly sought after Hollywood movie star. In fact, most days it barely registered with me that Edward was in fact just this. We were so…well…domestic. Of course, we'd yet to venture out on another date. Our schedules had been so busy that we hadn't had the time. Alice's charity event on Friday evening would be our town debut, and I must admit I was feeling a little nervous about the entire situation. Edward had been lying low his entire stay in N.Y.C. and there were rumblings in the press that something was amiss. They were desperate for a story and Edward's agent had already made an announcement that Edward would be attending the gala event. This of course pleased Alice to no end. The event was now sold out - thanks to Edward, she assured me.

"I've grown so used to things here. It's going to be difficult for me when I move on to the next location," Edward said out of nowhere a little while later, jolting me from my thoughts. I stiffened.

"Do we have to talk about that now?" I asked. I could feel Edward growing tense again. His breathing deepened and his touch was hesitant.

"No, we don't," he said hesitantly, "but we're going to have to talk about it sooner or later."

"I know," I whispered against his chest. "Just - not now. Not today, okay?" Edward leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

"Okay," he whispered, his lips still pressed to my head. I yawned again. I was feeling sleepy.

"Could we turn off the T.V.? I think I'd like to rest," I said, snuggling closer to him. Edward clicked the television off and started humming softly and I felt my eyes start to flutter closed.

"Are you crying?" Edward questioned me gently a few minutes later. I was on the verge of falling asleep. My eyes felt so heavy.

"What?" I asked, reaching up to run my fingers beneath my eyes. I brushed at the dampness, bewildered by the presence of tears. "I guess I was," I laughed lightly. And then I remembered what it was that had affected me so. It was the humming, Edward's humming. It reminded me of when my mother would hum to me when I was sick when I was a little girl. I'd lay wrapped in her arms, much like I was wrapped in Edward's arms now, while she hummed me to sleep. I wiped at the tears again.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. 'I didn't realize I was crying…you…you reminded me of my mother," I spoke quietly, my voice choked up with tears. I felt Edward stop breathing. When he began breathing again, he took long, deep breaths.

"Tell me something about her, Bella," Edward gently encouraged.

"Like what?" I asked, hesitantly. I was so tired. And I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about my mother right now, especially not when I was feeling so sick and vulnerable.

"Anything you'd like," he said. I thought about it for a moment before deciding it would be all right to share some memories of my mother with him. It was only fair, really. He shared most everything with me, never hesitating to tell me anything. Edward rarely asked about my mother. He respected my silence, but I knew it bothered him. She was such a large part of who I was and he was missing that part of the picture entirely.

"My mother was a stunning woman - beautiful on the inside and out," I began. "She loved cats," I said, and both Edward and I laughed. "The most we ever had was eight."

"That's a lot of cats," Edward commented.

"Thankfully we lived in a big house," I laughed. "She just couldn't pass up a stray, and my father…well my father was bewitched by her. He could never say no to her," I said, smiling to myself.

"Hmm, I think I know the feeling," Edward mused, his fingers tracing a path up and down my arm. I shivered at his touch.

"My mother was a passionate woman who loved music almost as much as she loved her children," I continued, and felt Edward's fingers pause on my arm.

"Children?" Edward asked very carefully and I froze. I hadn't even realized I'd said that.

"Yes," I whispered a moment later, realizing there could be no excuses. "I had a brother," I said simply, quietly. "His name was Daniel." Edward and I were both silent for a long while. I'd never mentioned Daniel to Edward. In fact, I rarely talked about him with anyone, even Alice. The guilt I felt over his death was just too much to bear most days. Edward returned to tracing his fingers up and down my arm. He didn't ask me anything else about Daniel, although I knew he wouldn't. Just as he respected my silence where my mother was concerned, he'd respect my silence where Daniel was concerned too, letting me tell their stories if and when I was ready.

"She loved pineapple pizza," I said a little while later, breaking the silence, "and the color blue. She hated greeting cards – she thought they were a waste of money, and was terrified of monkeys. She cried whenever she held a newborn baby - she loved babies more than anything. She was the most caring and compassionate person I've ever known," I trailed off, smiling lightly at the memories of my mother. It was always the little things about my mother that made me sentimental, the little details about her that made her who she was. "She was a night owl, just like me," I said, feeling myself growing increasingly sleepier. I covered my mouth as I yawned. Edward leaned forward and kissed my head. He was stroking my hair now, twisting sections of it around his fingers. "Some of my best memories are of sitting around the kitchen table with her late at night, drinking warm milk with nutmeg." My speech was beginning to sound oddly slurred. I wanted to share more with Edward, but felt my eyes start to flutter closed again.

"I'm tired, Edward," I murmured into his chest.

"Sleep, love," was all I heard him whisper before I succumbed to sleep.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with Thursday finding me feeling much better. I was still weak, but no longer ill. Edward stayed with me all of Tuesday and partway through Wednesday. He had to return to the set Wednesday afternoon, but by then I was at least able to prepare myself something to eat without feeling as if I'd pass out in the process. I'd definitively decided now that misery does love company. Having Edward around to comfort and nurse me back to health had been wonderful. It was the first time in a very long time that someone had taken care of me when I was sick. After my mother died, my father had struggled with what to do with me when I was sick, often just asking our housekeeper to look after me. It was okay. I understood. My mother had handled those types of things and nine years later my father wasn't going to start trying to fill that particular role. Still, I didn't think it really mattered how old you were, when you didn't feel well there was something soothing about having someone there to stroke your hair and sing to you and cook you soup. I'd all but forgotten that, but Edward had reminded me. Edward had done all of those things for me over the past few days, and I was grateful. And yes, I fell in love with him even more because of it.

Friday was the day after Thursday. This was an unavoidable fact. Friday evening was the gala charity event. I was nervous – no, I was completely terrified of stepping out with Edward in such an obvious fashion. I realized that this was it, that his would be a defining moment in our relationship. There would without a doubt be press - hundreds of them, as this event tended to be heavily covered to begin with. The Dramatic Arts Outreach Program had been in existence for twenty years now, and had, over time, morphed into a huge foundation serving literally thousands of underprivileged children in New York City with after school programs in dance, music and theater. They had recently opened their first School for the Performing Arts for the most gifted of the children. Alice was heavily involved with the foundation, volunteering countless hours of her time in the after school programs as well as organizing the foundation's biggest fundraiser, the annual gala charity event.

I'd attended the charity event with Alice for three years now, and was always amazed at how Alice managed to carry off the event. It was a massive commitment of time on her part and required superior organizational skills. Each year the event had grown in size and in notoriety. Many of New York State's wealthiest families attended this event, and Alice's poignant speeches always found these same families opening their checkbooks and penning checks in the tens of thousands of dollars. It was truly inspiring what Alice was able to accomplish, and I was endlessly proud of her efforts and achievements. Even if she weren't my best fried, I would still find her to be one of the most inspiring people I'd ever met. And it was because this outreach program was so near and dear to her heart that I attended the gala event each year - to show my undivided support for her and her mission.

Of course, this year would be different from all the rest. Edward would be at my side, and already the press was anxiously anticipating his attendance. There hadn't been much to report on Edward Cullen's presence in New York City over the last six weeks and New Yorkers were honored that Edward would take the time to attend an event in support their city. Edward was thrilled he could be involved and had already stroked a check to Alice for an undisclosed amount of money in support of the foundation. I had no idea how much money Edward had donated, but from the look of unadulterated shock on Alice's face when he handed her the check, it was no small sum. Alice had tried to properly thank Edward, but could only manage to stutter and laugh. Edward had smiled broadly at her and thanked her for her dedication to such a worthy cause. Edward would also be donating five autographed photos of himself with personalized messages for the recipient. He was actually quite embarrassed to be asked by Alice to do this. He didn't mind - it was his pleasure, though he couldn't fathom how the pictures could bring much money at auction. He was ever the humble gentleman, continually shaking his head incredulously at his own fame. He didn't get it, and I honestly didn't think he ever would. It was one of his most endearing qualities.

Friday evening I found myself racing around my apartment in a total panic. I had decided it would be better if Edward got prepared for the event at his hotel. I was certain it would be all but impossible for me to get ready with him hovering. And he _would_ hover. He loved to stand behind me in the bathroom in the morning while I washed my face and brushed my hair. He found it fascinating, or at least that's what he said. He'd watch as I carefully ran the brush through my hair, removing all the tangles from the night before. I wasn't much of a sight to behold in the morning, but that didn't seem to matter to Edward. He was constantly leaning down and kissing my neck, distracting me and making it nearly impossible for me to get out of the bathroom. It would be the most ridiculous and unbelievable of lies if I said that the sexual tension between the two of us wasn't mounting. And never did I feel this more than in the mornings when we stood together in the bathroom. It may sound silly, but the fact that he could stand there and gaze at me as he did with such obvious adoration – despite the fact that I looked like total hell – well… it turned me on. I'd venture to say this man loved me almost as much as I knew I loved him.

Alice arrived at six o'clock sharp. She had exactly one hour to work with me before she had to dash. Edward was due to pick me up at 7:30 with the event set to commence at eight. I didn't hear Alice let herself into the apartment, just heard her gasp when she came into my room and saw me standing there in my bra and underwear with my hair soaking wet.

"What the hell, Bella!" Alice shrieked angrily. I cringed. "I told you to dry your hair before I arrived! I don't have time to blow dry that wild mane of yours!" She huffed, frustrated.

I muttered a lame apology while searching for a pair of sweats and a t-shirt to throw on while Alice beautified me. Alice just shook her head then set to work laying out the massive rollers she intended to place in my hair and the make-up she would paint my face with.

"Go easy, Alice," I cautioned. "Edward's never seen me made-up, you know. I don't want him to flip out," I laughed.

"Oh he'll flip out all right," Alice teased. "That man won't be able to keep his hands off of you! Speaking of which…." Alice raised her eyebrows in silent question as a wicked grin spread across her face. I knew immediately what she was thinking.

"No, we haven't," I laughed. "Believe me, I know better than to hold back that type of information from you. You'll be the first to know when it happens, other than Edward of course," I laughed. Alice laughed with me.

"So you think it will happen?" Alice asked as she placed my hair dryer on a low setting and began brushing through my long mahogany locks.

"I think so," I whispered, blushing at the thought of being with Edward in that way. Alice turned the hair dryer off, resting it on the bed and placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Look at you," she whispered, the tenderest of smiles gracing her face. I was sitting in a chair in front of my stand-up oval mirror and Alice was standing behind me, our faces reflected back at us in the mirror. "You're positively radiant, Bella. I've never seen you so happy." Alice reached up and wiped away a single tear that had dropped from her left eye. I reached my hand up, placing it on top of Alice's and giving it a gentle squeeze. I met her gaze in the mirror.

"I'm still scared," I said honestly. It was perhaps the primary reason why I hadn't yet been able to take that next step with Edward, why I hadn't yet been able to give myself to him completely. We were obviously deeply attracted to one another in a physical as well as emotional way. And I felt Edward becoming frustrated with me at times, though he would never tell me as much. Like I said, he was a perfect gentleman, always. But I knew Edward wanted to make love to me, and I wanted it too – desperately so. But the timing just hadn't been right yet.

"What are you scared of?" Alice asked as she went back to grooming my hair.

"Of waking up one morning to find he's vanished," I answered. It was the truth. I was terrified of being abandoned again. Alice didn't miss a beat.

"Bella, I don't think that man could walk away from you even if he wanted to," she said very seriously. "In fact, I think if either of you were to walk away, you would be the one doing it, not Edward."

This comment surprised me, though I didn't hesitate with my reply.

"Never," I whispered. "That would never happen."

"Well then, what is it you have to be worried about?" Alice pulled me back towards her chest giving me a gentle squeeze. "Relax Bella. Let yourself enjoy the ride…literally," she laughed, and I blushed, rolling my eyes at her. Alice certainly had a dirty mind.

It seemed like hours later that Alice announced she was through. I had not been allowed to see myself for the last twenty minutes of her primping and grooming, which left me feeling a little nervous. Alice clearly understood that she and I were different people and generally respected that I preferred a more natural and toned down look to her outrageously flamboyant one. But Alice had applied a lot of make-up to my face this evening and my head felt like the Leaning Tower of Pisa with all the curlers that clung for dear life to my hair. Alice instructed me to sit on the edge of my bed while she retrieved my gown from the living room. I bit down nervously on my lower lip. This was it. Edward would be here in a little less than an hour to pick me up. I was suddenly stricken with the irrational fear that Edward wouldn't be pleased with the way I looked. I mean it was fine for me to look ordinary when we just hung out around my apartment in the evenings, but this…this was a gala event, and we would most certainly be photographed together…for the first time. I wanted him to be proud to carry me on his arm, but try as I might, I could not fathom how I could possibly compare to someone like Daniella Martinez or any of the other beautiful women I'd seen him pictured with in that magazine not so long ago.

"Bella," I heard Alice call my name. "Bella," she said more forcefully. "Snap out of it." I blinked twice and looked up at Alice, and what I saw took my breath away.

"Alice," I gasped. "It's…it's…oh my God, it's absolutely stunning. Where did you…" I meant to ask Alice where she'd found this most beautiful of gowns, but her retiring smile instantly gave her away.

"You made this?" I struggled to ask. She nodded slowly. The gown was a deep, royal blue - my mother's favorite color. It was a simple piece, yet unquestionably elegant.

"I just knew it would suit you," she said, smiling at me. I nodded slowly, quite simply in awe of my best friend.

"Do you think Edward will like it?" I asked sheepishly, averting my gaze from hers. Alice laughed aloud.

"If he doesn't, he's an idiot!" And I laughed, too.

Alice helped me get dressed then quickly released my hair from the curlers, each section springing free and cascading over my shoulders and down my back.

"Up or down?" Alice asked. I was shocked I was being given a choice.

"Down," I answered confidently. Edward loved when I wore my hair down. Alice agreed, and placed a few simple clips in my hair to keep it from falling forward into my face.

"Are you ready?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with anticipation. I closed my eyes as Alice took my hand and led me over to the mirror. I felt her lean in close to me and whisper in my ear.

"Open your eyes."

I did.

And I was stunned.

Alice had outdone herself. I really did consider myself to be the most ordinary looking of girls - but not tonight. Tonight I was beautiful, more beautiful than I think I'd ever been.

"Thank you, Alice," I choked on my words.

"Don't you dare, Swan. No tears. Period," she warned sternly before squeezing my shoulders.

"I have to go," she whispered. I nodded and turned to give her a hug before she skipped out of my room.

As soon as Alice left, I felt my self-confidence waning. Without Alice there to distract me, my mind started to race. I wasn't sure I was ready for this, wasn't sure I was ready to put myself out there with Edward. This night could change everything, I thought. I loved what I had with Edward and was terrified of anything that might threaten that. But we had to move forward. We'd already been moving forward. Right. This was the next logical step, but then again, ours was a relationship where logic didn't necessarily seem to apply. I was slightly annoyed at myself and with Edward that we hadn't taken the time to discuss what this evening might mean for our relationship. But it had come up suddenly, and I'd been sick for most of the week. So there really hadn't been much time. I wondered if Edward was this nervous about tonight, then quickly reasoned he wouldn't be. He had been the one to suggest sightseeing in New York City for our first date, after all. No, Edward was more than likely secretly thrilled we'd be heading out in such a high profile fashion. I got the feeling he just wanted to get it over with, letting the pieces fall where they may.

I heard a soft rap at the door and my heat plunged into my stomach. Edward was there. I gathered my purse and shawl and made my way tentatively to the door. I realized my hand was trembling when I placed it on the door handle. I took a deep breath, willing myself to relax. Edward knocked again, three firm knocks. I turned the handle and my eyes opened wide.

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't say anything at all. Edward was standing before me in a black tuxedo looking more handsome than I'd ever seen him. My breath hitched in my throat at the same time that Edward inhaled sharply.

"My God, you're exquisite," he murmured, his eyes locking with mine.

"You know," he drawled, taking a step closer to me. His delectable scent washed over me and I felt myself go weak at the knees. "We don't have to attend this event if you don't want to." Edward leaned his face in towards mine, gently, every so gently running his nose up my jaw line. If I was trembling before, I was outright shaking now. I wanted this man, and I wanted him now. I could feel short bursts of Edward's breath bathing my face and I sighed, a deep, satisfied sigh as his lips brushed against mine. He immediately moved to deepen the kiss, his hands winding their way up my back and into my hair. I responded instinctively, thrusting my tongue forward, frantic to taste him and to hold him close to me. I could feel both of our hearts thundering in our chests as we stood pressed against one another in my doorway.

"Edward," I gasped, cursing myself for what I was about to do. "We can't do this." I attempted to speak, but Edward continued to assault my lips. His kisses were growing more desperate and sloppy. I could feel all of him as he pressed himself flush against my body. There was no doubt. He wanted me as much as I wanted him.

"Edward," I said firmly, pushing him back. "Alice will hunt us both down if we don't show up at this event," I managed to say. "And believe me, it won't be pretty." Edward's breathing was ragged, his chest puffing outward with each short breath. He looked at me and smiled the most wicked of smiles.

"Can't a man kiss the woman….," Edward paused before finishing his thought, the most curious expression dancing across his face.

"What?" I asked, suddenly worried. "What is it?" Edward just shook his head and smiled at me.

"It's nothing," he murmured as he ducked his head down to kiss my neck. Without thinking, I leaned my head to the side, allowing him full access to the entire length of my neck. Edward took advantage, littering my skin with soft kisses. We were both starting to breathe heavily again, and I knew what little self control either one of us was exhibiting would soon snap. We had to get out of there. Now.

"Edward," I cautioned him, gently pushing him away from me. He didn't resist, and instead just shot me a small, wistful smile before taking my hand in his. He pulled me out into the hall and I turned to lock the door. When I turned back around, Edward drew our clasped hands up to his mouth, placing an incredibly sensual kiss to the back of my own.

"I just want you to know how mind numbingly gorgeous you are this evening," he said very seriously, commanding me to hold his gaze. I swallowed hard and managed a small smile.

"You're dazzling me," I teased. The sexual tension in the air was borderline ridiculous and I was desperate for it to dissipate, otherwise I'd be having Edward in this hall, right here and right now.

"Oh no," he whispered, "I'm doing nothing of the sort. I'm quite serious, Bella. I don't think I've ever been in awe of a woman, but standing here before you this evening I'm quite literally in complete awe of you. You're stunning," he said shaking his head back and forth, "simply stunning." I felt the blush as is washed over my entire face and down my chest.

"Ahh, and a deep crimson to accent the royal blue," he whispered, tracing a finger along my collarbone. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me right now?" He asked. His voice was heady and heavy with lust. He took a step towards me and I put out my hand to stop him.

"Right," he chuckled, winking at me. "Come on, let's do this," he said and we walked down the hall and into the elevator.

Ronald and two other people I didn't recognize were waiting around the back of my apartment building with a stretch black limo. Edward and I walked to the side of the limo and slid inside the car. One of the men that I didn't recognize shut the door behind us.

"Who are they?" I asked, motioning to the two men that I didn't recognize. They were still standing outside the vehicle.

"That's Patrick and Paul, twins actually," Edward said. "They're additional members of my security team, just to be on the safe side." I nodded my head slowly and Edward watched me closely. "Bella," he began slowly, "we probably should have talked about this earlier, but I want to you know that there will be press at this event tonight." Edward paused for a moment before continuing. "I'll be expected to give interviews," he added hesitantly, as if he weren't sure how I would react to this.

"It's fine, Edward," I said, though not as confidently as I would have liked. I felt Edward reach over and grab my hand and begin rubbing small circles.

"It will be a controlled environment, Bella. Ronald and the twins will be with us while we're outside and Ronald will escort us indoors." I nodded my head. Edward shifted nervously in his seat.

"There will be a lot of cameras, Bella," Edward noted, continuing to look at me and study my responses. "It can be a little overwhelming when you're not used to it. Just stay by my side and keep hold of my hand and we'll be through it before you know it." Edward must have sensed my nervousness because he let go of my hand then, placing his arm around me and pulling me close to his side. He leaned down to kiss the top of my head. "Relax" he whispered as he ran his hand up and down my arm. And I tried. I tried to relax, but the closer we got to the hotel where the event would be held, the more anxious I became. I was very nervous about the cameras, but for reasons unknown to Edward.

There was a line of limos outside of the hotel where the event was to be held and Edward and I had to wait close to ten minutes to exit the car. When it was our turn, Edward turned to me, flashing me a reassuring smile before exiting through the open door. I could hear his name being called before I even stepped out of the limo, but Edward waited patiently for me, taking my hand in his as soon as my feet were on the ground.

Edward's arrival had incited a paparazzi feeding frenzy. Edward had given them so little to talk about over the last few weeks that they were now desperate for anything to print. The fact that Edward was now standing before them with an unidentified woman at his side just served to fan the flames of the fire. I registered the click of each camera as the photographers snapped their pictures, trying my best to ignore the little flashes of light that illuminated the night.

"Edward Cullen!" A particularly insistent reporter pushed his way through a crowd of others until he was standing a few feet away from me and Edward. "Edward Cullen!" He yelled again, and Edward turned around.

"Ben," Edward greeted the man by name, extending his right hand forward in a shake. "So good to see you again Edward, it's been awhile," Ben said. Edward and Ben exchanged a few pleasantries while I tried my best not to fidget at Edward's side. Thankfully, Edward continued to hold fast to my hand.

"We haven't seen much of you here in NYC lately," Ben commented and Edward just shrugged him off. "Long days on the set, Ben, you know the routine." Ben cast a glance in my direction. "And who might this lovely lady be that's accompanying you this evening?" This reporter didn't waste any time. I froze, gripping Edward's hand tightly. We hadn't discussed how exactly he would address this question. Really, we hadn't discussed what to label our relationship at all. I wasn't exactly sure what Edward considered me to be, or for that matter what I considered him to be. I glanced up at Edward worriedly, only to find him completely relaxed and grinning from ear to ear.

"This is Isabella Swan, a cellist studying music at the Julliard School," Edward said before adding "and a phenomenal one at that." I gulped, feeling the blush creep across my skin. I tried to bring my shawl closer around myself, but it was no use.

"Well, it seems you've embarrassed the lady with your praise Edward, would you look at that beautiful blush." My eyes opened wide. Had that man really just said that? I looked up at Edward desperately trying to figure out what was going on when he said it.

"It is, isn't it?"

It wasn't necessarily what Edward had said rather it was the way that he'd said it. He'd spoken the words as if in a trance, his eyes raking over my body, his deeply intense stare commanding my own gaze. This wasn't lost on me, and it sure as hell wasn't lost on Ben. His photographer was snapping pictures of the two of us like crazy. I felt my head start to spin and I closed my eyes tightly, shutting out all the little flashes of light.

"So what's up next for you after you finish work on _A Fated Love_, Edward?" Ben asked after a moment, and Edward froze, his hand gripping mine tightly. His reaction startled me and I looked up at him. He was looking away from me now, nervously shifting from one foot to the other. When his right hand moved up and into his hair, I knew something was wrong.

"I've …I've actually just signed a contract for an as yet untitled film to be shot in Paris starting in mid January," Edward said, and I felt as if I'd just been punched in the stomach. This revelation was entirely unexpected. I'd had no idea Edward had agreed to do another film so soon after filming of _A Fated Love_ had wrapped. Of course I knew he would eventually star in other films, knew that he would eventually leave New York. But January seemed so soon. It was too soon. I stared at Edward, a false smile spread across my face when all I really wanted to do was get the hell out of there and cry. But I knew I couldn't do that, knew that I couldn't let my emotions get the best of me. Not here, not now. Edward chanced a quick glance in my direction and his eyes were melancholy, pleading and deeply apologetic. He squeezed my hand tighter and started rubbing circles again. I looked away. I couldn't bear to look at him then. It was just too much. Ben finished up his interview with Edward and he and I made our way forward, stopping to give three more interviews before Ronald shuffled us through the entrance to the hotel towards the large banquet room in the back. Edward stopped Ronald partway there, asking him to give us a moment before pulling me towards a small alcove off to the side. I followed along limply.

"I am so, so sorry, Bella," Edward whispered urgently once we were out of earshot of any passers-by. He was standing in front of me and I stood with my back pushed up against a wall. He sighed heavily, dragging his right hand through his hair.

"How long have you known?" I asked quietly, staring blankly at the floor.

"I just found out this week," he said, his voice tight with stress. "I wanted to tell you, but the time was never right." Edward reached toward me, cupping my face with his left hand. He ran his thumb across my cheek and I shivered. My eyes closed involuntarily at the sensation. When I opened them again, I felt the tears pooling. I fought hard not to let them spill over. This was not the time, nor was it the place. And Alice would absolutely kill me if I ruined my make-up. At that thought, I laughed and Edward visibly relaxed.

"You're laughing," he half stated, half asked, clearly bewildered by my behavior.

"Only to keep from crying," I laughed lightly again, covering his hand on my face with my own. I leaned towards his touch, kissing the palm of his hand as one tiny tear managed to escape my right eye. Edward reached up with his free hand, brushing it from my face.

"Alice will kill you if you ruin your make-up," Edward said, and I laughed a loud again.

"That's precisely what I thought," I said, taking a deep breath and concentrating hard on relaxing.

"I know we need to talk about this Bella, and we will," Edward said. "But not tonight, okay? Can we please just try and enjoy our evening and we'll deal with this tomorrow?" He implored. I nodded, sniffling at the same time. What choice did we have, anyway? We were here at this gala event that Alice had worked tirelessly to put together. I owed it to Alice to keep it together and to show her my support. Edward leaned in and kissed me briefly before taking my hand and leading me off to the banquet room. As we walked away, I wondered absently if any of the photographers standing outside had managed to capture Edward's kiss on film. I might have cared an hour ago, but I didn't really give a damn now. I had much more important things to worry about. Edward would be leaving me all too soon and that fact overrode everything else.

Alice carried the gala event off without a hitch, and Edward never left my side the entire evening. While seated for dinner, his hand rested comfortingly on my thigh. Every now and then he'd give it a quick squeeze and shoot me a sympathetic look. I tried to smile and look happy, but inside I was rapidly falling to pieces. It was hard not to brood. Try as I might, I couldn't think of much else other than the fact that Edward would be leaving me in what really amounted to only a few short weeks. When dinner was over, Edward and I danced a few dances together before taking our seats to watch the various performances lined up for the evening. Alice appeared on stage partway through, delivering a deeply moving speech that brought tears to the eyes of many in the crowd. The auction was held at the end of the evening, with Edward's photographs bringing in a total of $15,000. Edward was floored and highly embarrassed by the exuberant response to his offer to add a personalized note to an autographed picture of himself. As the event drew to a close, Edward made his way around to each of the individuals who had won an autographed photo in order to personalize the photos before we left.

"So what did you think?" Alice trilled as she skipped to my side. Edward was still off making small talk with some of the guests. I put on my best smile, but I couldn't fool Alice.

"It was great," I said, trying hard to sound enthusiastic, but failing miserably.

"What's happened?" Alice demanded immediately, pulling me off to the side.

"Can we talk about it later?" I asked, biting down on my lip. I was tired, and emotionally spent. And I knew if I talked about what was bothering me now I would lose it. Really, all I wanted to do was to go home with Edward and fall asleep wrapped up tight in his arms. At that thought, Edward approached me from behind, winding his arms around my waist. He squeezed me to him, kissing the top of my head.

"You did a fantastic job, Alice," Edward gushed, resting his chin atop my head. Alice eyed him suspiciously and I shot her a warning glance.

"Thanks," she replied curtly a moment later while eying me warily.

"I'm really tired," I said, leaning back further into Edward and shutting my eyes. "I think I'd like to go home now." I turned my head to the side to look up at Edward. He nodded. Alice looked from me to Edward then back at me, clearly frustrated by my refusal to detail what was bothering me. Once Alice realized I wasn't going to be forthcoming with any information, she told Edward and me she would walk us out and offered me her arm. I reluctantly broke free from Edward's embrace, stepping forward and linking my arm with Alice's. Edward followed close behind as we walked through the lobby towards the front door.

It was silly really, in hindsight. I should have known the paparazzi would still be there, waiting for another chance to photograph Edward. I should have been prepared for all the screaming and the flashing lights. But I wasn't. I was lost in my own private thoughts. And when the three of us walked through that door and were assaulted by aggressive photographers, I froze. I registered an extremely bright light out of the corner of my left eye before everything went black. I felt myself sway to the side and if my arm hadn't been linked with Alice's, I would have fallen over. Alice recognized immediately what was happening. I felt her struggle to hold up my weight, and heard the desperation in her voice as she turned towards Edward.

"Get her out of here, now," Alice said emphatically. I felt Edward shift forward, grabbing hold of me firmly around my waist. My eyes fluttered open. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. I felt myself shaking violently and was vaguely aware of the fact that Edward was shaking, too. He moved us quickly through the crowd, ushering me into the limo and instructing the driver to pull away immediately.

"Bella?" Edward called my name. "Bella, are you all right?" He beseeched. We were seated in the back seat of the limo. I'd crawled across the seat to the furthest side of the car, my body pressed tightly against the door. I felt Edward move closer to me, reaching out tentatively to touch me. His fingers ghosted across my cheek and I shuddered, trembling uncontrollably. I turned towards Edward, collapsing against his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. His arms moved quickly to surround me, pulling me close.

"Jesus, what's wrong? Please, Bella, please tell me what's wrong!" He pleaded. But I couldn't. My head was spinning, flashes of light exploding in front of my eyes. I shuddered again, burying my head deeper into Edward's chest.

"Shush…it's all right…you're okay," Edward soothed me over and over again as we made our way home. I barely registered getting out of the limo, barely registered as Ronald helped Edward half drag, half carry me up to my apartment and barely registered as Edward stripped me of my gown and helped dress me in my sweatpants and t-shirt. Eventually my deep, mournful sobs subsided and the overwhelming feeling of panic and fear that had consumed me for the better part of an hour began receding into the recesses of my memories. And when this happened I found that I was sitting on my bed with Edward right by my side. I felt him reach out in the dark and grab hold of my hand.

"We need to talk," was all he said.


	9. Bare

**Author's Notes:**

**Thank you to all of you who are taking the time to read this fic. Many thanks to those of you who also take the time to review. I appreciate any and all feedback and look forward to your thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

* * *

**Chapter 9: Bare**

I sat Indian style in the middle of my bed. A tiny sliver of moonlight peeked through the curtains, illuminating Edward's profile. He sat beside me, silent and still, watching me. He was still wearing his tuxedo, though he had removed his jacket, unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. I took a deep breath, pulling my hand from his and clasping my own two hands together before laying them neatly in my lap. I could feel it happening, could feel myself disassociating, my body preparing itself to tell the story. It was a story I'd only ever told in full once – to Alice. I wasn't sure I was ready to do this, truthfully wasn't sure I'd ever be ready to do this, but I realized now that I'd been left with no other choice. It was clear to me I had to let Edward into my head, had to let him know why it was I'd reacted the way I had this evening, why it was I was gripped with terror at the thought of moving forward with our relationship, why it was I'd spent the last almost 9 years in an emotionally stagnant state. I knew without a doubt I had to tell him, but it didn't make the decision to do so any easier.

"Have you ever lost anyone you loved, Edward?" I asked quietly. I was musing, not really looking for an answer to the question, but Edward nodded his head slowly back and forth nonetheless. I closed my eyes and took several slow, calculated, deep breaths.

"Monday, March 26, 2001 …"

_"Bella! Daniel! Hurry up! We're going to be late," my mother yelled to me and my brother from the bottom of the stairs. I scurried around my bedroom, quickly grabbing my pair of Doc Marten combat boots and slipping them on over my black socks before swinging open the door to my bedroom and running into the hall. Daniel just happened to be coming out of his room at the same time as I was and we nearly collided with each other._

_ "Watch where you're going, shrimp," I snapped at him. _

_ "Don't call me that," Daniel said, darting in front of me, arms crossed, legs spread and eyes wildly defiant. I chuckled at his little display of insolence. _

_ "What are you going to do about it?" I teased. He was so easily antagonized - I couldn't help but poke fun at him. Daniel huffed, his chest puffing outward, and took a step toward me._

_ "This," he said quietly, almost to himself, before launching himself in my direction, tackling me and taking me down to the ground. Daniel sat atop me and started ruthlessly tickling me, taking full advantage of my one weakness. I started laughing hysterically, to the point that I was nearly in tears, begging Daniel to get off of me. Daniel was relentless and wouldn't back down. It wasn't often he had the upper hand and he was enjoying his position of authority thoroughly. _

_ "Daniel, please," I wheezed, trying to catch my breath. With tickling, there was always a fine line that could easily be crossed between having fun and down right scaring the shit out of me. I hated the feeling of suffocation that often took control during our tickling matches. Thankfully, Daniel didn't like to see me suffer needlessly and he would generally relent before I'd reached that point. Usually, but not always._

_ "Bella, Daniel, now!" I heard my mother yelling at us from the bottom of the stairs again and she sounded angry. Daniel jumped up off of me. _

_ "Don't call me shrimp, Bella," he said as he straightened out his polo shirt and khaki pants – he was meticulous about his appearance and hated wrinkles. "It hurts my feelings," he said, hanging his head low._

_ "Jeez, Daniel, don't be so sensitive, I was just teasing," I said, standing up and tousling his dark brown locks, "…shrimp," I laughed at the end, pushing quickly past him. _

_ "Bella!" He cried after me, chasing me down the stairs to the landing. My mother met us there shaking her head, obviously annoyed with our antics. _

_ "Let's go kids, we don't want to be late," she said as she shuffled us towards the door. _

_ "Ah, Bella, do you really think those shoes are appropriate to wear to a nursing home?" My mother stopped short of the front door. I rolled my eyes. _

_ "Would you prefer I wear Mary Jane's?" I asked sarcastically. I wasn't a little girl anymore and I hated how my mother always insisted I wear silly blouses and long skirts when I performed. It wasn't like we were playing Carnegie Hall this evening, it was just a little spring concert at a nursing home. I could see my mother running through her options in her head. She knew if she asked me to change there would be a fight. I wasn't going to back down. I was fourteen now and quite capable of selecting what shoes I wanted to wear. My mother seemed to realize this and acquiesced, but asked me to at least do something more dignified with my hair as it hung sloppily over my shoulders. I agreed, reaching into my messenger bag and pulling out a brush. Once my hair was properly secured in a respectable pony tail my mother smiled, reaching out to run her hand down my cheek._

_ "Such a beautiful girl," she murmured. She did that often, though it never ceased to make me blush. _

_ "Ugh, please, can we just go?" Daniel asked impatiently. My mother winked at me and grabbed my hand, leading us out the front door._

_ "I call front!" I yelled, letting go of my mother's hand and running past Daniel to the front passenger door._

_ "You had it yesterday, Bella," Daniel whined. The front seat was coveted by both Daniel and me for he who sat in the front seat controlled the stereo._

_ "I'll ride in front on the way there and you can have it on the way back," I negotiated. Daniel didn't look convinced._

_ "Please?" I asked, pouting._

_ "Ah, jeez, Bella, don't look at me like that," Daniel said. I was breaking him down. I pushed my bottom lip forward, and that did it._

_ "All right, all right, you can ride shotgun," he said, "but I ride shotgun on the way back, no exceptions," he said. _

_ "Thank you!" I shrieked, opening the door and sliding in. _

_ Daniel was an okay, kid, I thought. Actually, I really loved my brother. As far as brothers and sisters were concerned, we were pretty close. It only made sense. We were both child musical prodigies – Daniel played the violin – as such, we related well to each other. Alice and I attended a school for the performing arts now, but Daniel was home schooled. Daniel was a sweet boy, well as sweet as a ten year old boy can be, I guess. He could definitely get under my skin, but in general he was a very easy person to be around. He was a very serious child, and sensitive, too, much like me. He loved to play the violin, had taken to it as naturally as I'd taken to the cello. My mother, brother and I now played in our own family string trio. Though trained as a cellist, my mother could play the viola quite well, too, and when we played as a trio this is the instrument she would play. Our trio didn't have a name. People just referred to us as the Swan Family Trio. _

_ It was a fairly long drive through curvy mountain roads to the old age home we would be playing at that evening. We frequently performed for senior citizens in nursing homes. It was my mother's way of giving back to the community. At Christmas time we played for shut-ins living in our county, people who otherwise couldn't leave their homes to celebrate the holidays. We brought the holidays to them, bringing freshly baked gingerbread cookies and playing Christmas carols. Though it sometimes frustrated me that I'd have to give up a Friday or Saturday evening with Alice to attend these events, I didn't really mind. I actually enjoyed giving back to the community, sharing my gift with others. Music touched these people's lives and I was able to be a part of that. It made me feel good as a person to know I was making a difference in the life of another. _

_ We arrived at the nursing home in the early evening. It was a typical crisp, March evening outside. The temperature was cool and a gentle breeze caused the branches of the trees to swing and sway about. I loved this time of year, loved the warm days and cool evenings, loved any weather really where you could wear jeans and a cotton t-shirt and be comfortable. My mother, brother and I quickly retrieved our instruments from the trunk of our SUV before heading into the home. _

_ They were already gathered in the cozy group living area to the immediate right of the entrance when we arrived. Most of the wrinkled faces smiled at us as we waved and moved to set up our music stands and instruments. Most, but not all. There were several residents which were generally unresponsive, sitting listless in their seats. Mr. Frank, a Vietnam War veteran blind in both eyes was one such individual. He was an invalid, completely incapable of performing the most basic of tasks. He hadn't uttered a word in years. But they wheeled him in to listen to us play every time we came, and each and every time we packed up to leave, Mr. Frank would reach out and take hold of my hand, cradling it gently in his own for a brief moment before letting go. I never understood how he knew where I was, he just seemed to find me. And in his touch I could feel it - I could feel he was moved by our music. Yes indeed, Mr. Frank made our visits to this nursing home well worth while. He was there this evening, as always, his private nurse standing off to his side. I smiled at her and waved and she waved back. She was a kind woman, and that made me glad for Mr. Frank. He didn't have any family. It was just him, alone. _

_ The nursing home staff had set up three chairs in a small semi-circle in front of the fire place. The evening was just cool enough for a small fire and the spit and crackle of it added to the cozy ambiance. My mother, brother and I quickly tuned our instruments then began our selection of music for the evening. We played through several old time favorites of the folks at the home and a few common classical selections we were certain most everyone would recognize. The highlight of the evening was our performance of an arrangement for string trio of The Gift to be Simple from Aaron Copeland's ballet entitled Appalachian Spring. I loved this piece, and found it fitting to play as it was springtime after all. The residents received our performance enthusiastically, clapping loudly as our playing drew to a close. Afterwards, Mr. Frank's nurse wheeled him by and again, he reached for my hand. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze and leaned down and kissed his cheek before bidding him farewell. He just sat there, a blank expression on his face. _

_ It was late by the time we'd packed our instruments away in the car and said our goodbyes. The nursing home staff had graciously saved us some dinner from the kitchen and we'd eaten the food, the three of us together, sitting around the fire. Daniel mostly dominated the conversation as we sat and chatted. He'd recently been accepted to a prestigious summer music camp and would be leaving for six weeks in the middle of June. It would be his first time away from home, but this didn't seem to bother him. It did, of course, bother my mother. She was beside herself at the thought of letting him go. And strangely enough, it bothered me too. I was already anxious about his departure, and it was still three months away. I was going to miss him terribly, but I had Alice and we had our own plans for the summer. _

_ As we stepped out into the dark night, I noticed the temperature had dropped dramatically. I zipped up my hoody and pulled the hood over my head in order to keep warm. _

_ "Shotgun!" I heard Daniel yell as he sprinted towards the car. I huffed, annoyed that I would have to spend the next hour listening to Daniel's music. He'd recently developed a fondness for mainstream rap, and I loathed rap, preferring instead to listen to alternative artists. But it was his turn, fair and square. Unless…_

_ "Daniel!" I called out to him. He didn't even turn around._

_ "No way, Bella," he yelled back. "It's my turn," he said emphatically. I walked to his side._

_ "What if I do the dishes for you tomorrow night?" I bargained. Daniel thought about this for a moment._

_ "No."_

_ "Ugh, Daniel," I huffed, annoyed. "All right, I'll do the dishes for you for the next two nights," I counter-offered, and I could see Daniel was now interested. _

_ "Hmm…,"he thought aloud. "How about you do the dishes for me for the next two evenings and you help dad with the yard work on Saturday," Daniel said, driving an extremely hard bargain._

_ "All day?" I wailed._

_ "All day," Daniel said, smiling broadly, crossing his arms over chest. _

_ "Fine," I muttered, pushing past Daniel and opening the car door. It was an interminably long drive home and at least now I wouldn't suffer from having to listen to rap. _

"And you see, that's how it came to be that Daniel, who by all accounts should have been sitting in the front seat, was sitting in the back seat, on the right hand side of the car," I said, staring blankly off into space.

The room was eerily quiet. Edward was completely still. He hadn't said a word the entire time I'd been talking. I listened carefully and could hear him swallowing, could hear him breathe in and out, taking long, deep breaths. He was still right next to me, staring at me intently. But it felt like he was miles away. In fact, it felt as if I were the only one in the room at that moment. I was alone with my thoughts. I turned slowly towards Edward, my eyebrows furrowed, my face hard. I looked to see if I could read his face, if I could tell what it was he was thinking, but it was blank. Just like mine. He met my gaze and I registered a change in his breathing. His breaths started coming in short bursts. He was anxious - clearly anticipating what would come next. He had to know already, I reasoned. He had to know what had happened that evening. But he needed to hear it from me. I looked deep into his eyes, and what I saw there implored me to continue. I nodded my head ever so slightly, turning away from him and staring down at the bed.

"We'd been driving for a little over thirty minutes…"

_We were listening to R.E.M. - Automatic for the People. Daniel had fallen asleep in the back seat and my mother and I were chatting about nothing in particular. It was a crystal clear evening outside, not a cloud in the sky. The stars shone brilliantly, I remember that clearly. And I remember watching the trees as we passed them by, towering like giants beside us. My mother wanted to know how I liked my new school and whether or not I might consider being home schooled. Daniel would like some company, she said. I thought about it. I didn't particularly care for school, and I ended up missing a lot of it for performances, but Alice was at school with me then. It had been our first year together, and I'd loved being able to be with her all day, every day. I'd never been home schooled and didn't think it was for me. I felt mildly guilty about that, but Daniel was free to go to school too, if he wanted. He just chose not to. _

_ He was drunk, a blood alcohol level of .25, more than three times the legal drinking limit. He should have been passed out in an alley somewhere, but instead he was behind the wheel of a car. He drove a 1997 red Ford Expedition. He was traveling in the wrong lane of traffic. I saw his headlights coming towards us and I registered that something wasn't right. My mother was talking to me, her head turned towards me. And in that one brief moment, I realized what was happening. _

_ "Look out!" I screamed like I'd never screamed before, gripped by a raw, primal fear for my life and those of my mother and brother. My mother jerked her head to the side, turning the steering wheel hard in the opposite direction of the truck that was approaching us head on. Her right arm shot out across my chest, instinctively moving to protect me. But it was too late. And her efforts to keep me safe were directed at the wrong child and would ultimately prove to be futile, anyway. We hit the truck head on at 60 miles an hour, an excruciatingly loud sound of metal on metal shattering the quiet of the night. I remember being driven forward with such force that the wind was temporarily knocked from me. My head hit hard against the windshield, and I remember watching as it cracked, tiny little fissures spinning out from the center like a web. But I was alive. I had the strangest sensation of falling, and realized that we were tumbling down the side of the mountain. The impact of the crash had caused both of our vehicles to careen off the roadway and over the side of the mountain. _

_ It is ironic how in the midst of such a terrifying event I could forget to scream, but I don't remember screaming at all, though I do remember the strong sensation of free falling, almost like I was riding a roller coaster. I clearly remember throwing my arms out to either side, trying in vain to stabilize myself from being tossed about the passenger cab. At one point I realized we'd stopped rolling. I opened my eyes - they'd been closed since the moment of impact, and all I could see was crushed metal and blackness all around me. I was vaguely aware that the blood was rushing to my head; it was then that I realized we were upside down. I tried to move, tried to look around to see if I could see my mother or Daniel, but I was frozen in place. I wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to do anything other than just sit there, but I was completely paralyzed by fear. I heard the eerie creaking first. It was quiet to begin with then grew into a loud and deafening roar as the car pitched forward again and we continued to roll over and over down the mountainside._

_ We came to rest in a ravine, the slow trickle of water alerting me to the fact that we had indeed reached the bottom of the mountain. I was upright again, and thankful for it. I don't know how long I sat there, completely dazed, unable to move or to form a coherent thought. It may have been seconds, it may have been minutes, it may have been hours for all I know. But I did eventually move, slowly bringing my right hand to the center of my forehead where I'd hit the windshield. I winced as pain shot through me. I dragged my fingers across my forehead - they were wet and warm with my blood and for whatever reason, the realization that I was bleeding and hurt brought me to my senses. I remember blinking my eyes in rapid succession. I don't know why I did it, I just did. Maybe I thought I was having a dream, a terrible nightmare, and that if I blinked my eyes just once more I'd wake up and it would all be over. But that didn't happen._

_ I was able to turn to my left and saw my mother's crumpled figure hunched up against the dashboard, the airbag and steering wheel pressed tightly into her abdomen. She had a giant gash running from her temple all the way down her neck past her collarbone. Her legs were twisted round unnaturally. I was certain they were both broken. But she was breathing. I could see that. She was breathing, and I felt tears of relief sting my eyes. My mother was alive._

_ I turned towards the back next, searching for Daniel. I couldn't see him at first - the back was a mangled mess of metal, glass and tree branches. It didn't look good. I was breathing rapidly, consumed by dread. I didn't see how…couldn't see any means possible by which he could have survived. And then I caught sight of him, his tiny form broken, crushed. _

_ "Daniel!" I screamed, hearing my voice for the very first time since we'd crashed. It was hoarse, and stressed. And out of nowhere I realized I was thirsty - so incredibly thirsty. _

_ "Daniel!" I screamed again through my tears. I tried to reach back to him, but I was trapped. I couldn't move any further without disengaging my seat belt. Somehow throughout the entire ordeal I'd managed to remain belted securely to my seat._

_ "Daniel!" I yelled again. My eyes shut tight, shaking my head in despair, choking on my tears. "Daniel!" I cried again softly, for I knew then he couldn't hear me - knew there was no way that he could be alive. I felt dizzy all of a sudden, turning away from Daniel and violently vomiting. How could this have happened? I asked myself. How could Daniel be dead? It made no sense to me at all. How could Daniel be dead when I was very much alive? We'd hit the other vehicle head on, and I was sitting in the front seat. Yet Daniel was the one lying dead in the back seat of the car. "NO!" I screamed as loudly as I could. I reached up with both my hands and pulled at my hair. "NO!" It should have been me in that back seat, not Daniel. It was his turn to ride shotgun, but I'd convinced him otherwise. I hung my head begging God to take me right then and there, but then my mother made a sound._

_ It was the softest and most splendid of sounds, the sound of my mother's voice calling my name. "Bella?" Her eyes fluttered open as she called to me. I scrambled to unlatch myself from my seatbelt. I fumbled around, finally finding the release mechanism and by some miracle was able to push the button and break free from my restraint. I turned to my mother._

_ "I'm here momma," I said, reaching my hand out to her and taking hers in mine. I ran the back of her hand across my tear stained cheek. "I'm right here." It was the strangest thing for me to call her momma. I couldn't remember ever calling her momma. For as far back as I could remember she had always been mom. But not there, not then. Her hand was warm and trembling and slick with blood. _

_ "D…D…Daniel," she stuttered, searching my eyes for some sign that he was okay. I fought back the urge to vomit again, then stared straight into her eyes and lied. _

_ "He's fine, momma, he's fine," I assured her. A peaceful expression enveloped her face and she visibly relaxed. _

_ "How badly are you hurt?" I asked. It was a stupid question. My mother was completely broken and I knew it. But I wasn't sure what else to say. I was fairly certain I was in shock. I knew I was losing a lot of blood, and fast. I could feel it seeping from my wounds, dripping down my arms and off my legs, soaking into the cushions of the car. My mother didn't answer me. Her eyes fluttered back closed. I knew in that moment that I had to get out of there, had to try and get help. I had no idea how I was going to do that though. We'd tumbled to the bottom of the mountain and it was a treacherous and steep climb back up to the road. But I thought there must have been someone looking for us. There must have been._

_ I looked around the car where I was sitting and realized for the first time that my passenger window was completely shattered, leaving a gaping hole through which I could easily climb. I was determined to find help then, determined to save my mother. I knew there was nothing I could do for Daniel, but I couldn't think about that then. My mission was singular in nature - save my mother. I managed to pull myself up so that I was sitting on my knees. I cried out in pain, realizing for the first time how badly hurt I was. A jagged piece of metal protruded from my thigh. It was excruciatingly painful but I was terrified of pulling it out. It was imbedded deep into the skin. I knew if I pulled it out I might bleed to death right then and there, so I let it be. Carefully, so very carefully I pulled myself through the open window, trying to avoid cutting myself on the little fragments of glass that still clung to the frame. My body hit the ground with a thud. It was cool and damp, a narrow stream trickling by just inches from where I lay. I shivered - it was cold outside. Somehow I managed to bring myself to my feet, crying out in pain once again. I turned and looked up the mountain, tears streaming down my cheeks. How was I going to do this? How could I possibly make it up the mountain? But I had to. I had to. _

_ Fighting back hysteria, I put one foot in front of the other and slowly trudged away from the wreckage of the car leaving my beautiful baby brother and my mother behind. I'm not sure how many steps I'd taken when I heard her voice call my name again. _

_ "Bella?" Her voice was but a whisper carried in the wind. She was weak, too weak. I turned my head in her direction. _

_ "Bella?" She called to me, her voice more urgent now. I hesitated for only a moment before turning back. I walked over to the driver's side of the car where I was able to reach in through her window and stroke her hair._

_ "I'm right here, momma," I said, caressing her face with my hand._

_ "Don't go," she whispered against my hand. "Stay here with me."_

_ I choked back a sob, rubbing my arm under my nose to wipe away the snot. _

_ "I have to go and get help, momma," I said, not wanting to leave her but knowing I had to if she had any chance at all of surviving. My mother managed to turn her head towards me and looked me square in the eyes. _

_ "Stay with me," she said, and she reached up and gripped my hand in hers. I stared into my mother's eyes for a long time, knowing in that moment that the decision I made would determine not only her own fate but mine as well. My mother was hurt badly and very weak. I could see that. If I left her, there was the very real possibility that she would slip away, alone and in pain in the dark woods at the bottom of a mountain with no one there to hold her hand. But if I stayed, she had no chance at all. She would die, and I knew that. I screamed inside, crying out in a murderous rage to any and all Gods that might be listening. How could I make this choice? How could I decide between trying to save my mother, and letting her die all alone? The tears slipped down my cheeks, splashing onto my mother's face. _

_ "Don't cry, sweetie, I'm here with you," she said, squeezing my hand gently. And I broke down. I pressed my face to hers, breathing in her scent, trying to memorize what she smelled like so as never to forget. Her hand came up into my hair, gently stroking it, hushing me. We sat there like that for awhile, clinging to one another in the dark._

_ "Do you think you could move me, Bella?" She asked a little while later. I sat up and looked down at my mother. _

_ "Wh….wh…what?" I stuttered. I was cold - very cold. And I was tired - oh so tired. _

_ "Could you pull me out of here?" She asked weakly. I stared at my mother in shock. I knew from watching television that I should leave her in place, that if the paramedics arrived they would best be able to extricate her from this mangled mess. But I knew. I knew in the back of my mind that the chance of the paramedics arriving in time to save any of us was slim to none. I could already feel myself slowing down, slipping away, too._

_ "I can try," I found myself saying. My mother nodded her head slowly. I looked at my mother's crumpled form lying broken in the cab of the car. This was going to be painful for her. She'd need something to help her control the pain. I searched the forest floor with my eyes; I was looking for a stick. I saw one, and reached out and picked it up, handing it to my mother._

_ "Put this in your mouth," I instructed her. "Bite down on it when I pull, okay?" My mother nodded, holding tight to my arm with both her hands. _

_ "You can do this, Bella," she said firmly, staring into my eyes. And with that I pulled my mother towards me. She cried out, but her legs pulled loose. They dangled below her torso, completely crushed. I forced myself to look away, to focus on my mother's face._

_ "Again, Bella!" She cried, and I pulled hard again, blinded by tears. My mother cried out again, but she shifted further from under the console of the car. I stood in the dark night, panting, trying to catch my breath. She was almost there, I thought. With just one more hard, yank she would be through the window and on the forest floor. I closed my eyes and dug my heels in and pulled hard, my mother screaming out in pain as her body slipped through the window, landing with a soft thud on the ground. She immediately began to shiver. I pulled my tattered and blood stained hoody from around my torso, laying it gently over my mother's broken form._

_ "Come lay with me, Bella," she called to me, and I moved to her side. I snuggled in against her, letting my head rest on her chest. Her breaths were short and ragged - labored. And I knew in that moment she wasn't long for this world._

_ "Where's Daniel?" She asked softly. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to lose it. I had to tell her. I knew I had to tell her. Daniel was her son, she had the right to know. I felt my mother's hand lightly stroke my hair._

_ "He's resting, momma," I said sadly, and I felt her hand hesitate and tasted her salty tears as they dripped down her cheek and onto my face. She swallowed hard, and her heart thumped wildly. _

_ "Sleep my child, and peace attend thee. All through the night." My mother began to sing to me softly, the prayer she'd sung to me every night since I was a baby. "Guardian angels God will send thee. All through the night. Soft the drowsy hours are creeping. Hill and vale in slumber steeping. I my loving vigil keeping. All through the night."_

_ I lay with my mother as she sang me songs and whispered loving sentiments to me. She told me how proud she was of me, what a miracle I was, how loving me and Daniel had been the best and most important part of who she was. I cried, knowing full well what my mother was doing. She was saying goodbye. I didn't want her to say goodbye, was terrified of her leaving me. But I knew in that moment there was nothing more I could do for her other than to lay with her and let her make her peace. Sometime later, when we'd both laid quietly together for what seemed like hours, I felt her pulse quicken. She was breathing rapidly. I lifted my head to look at her face. She was staring forward, the most peaceful and serene of expressions gracing the planes of her face. _

_ "Momma," I whispered, reaching out to caress her cheek with my hand. I cried shamelessly now, a little girl broken by her dying mother's side. My mother responded to my voice, turning towards me. _

_ "Bella," she whispered my name, a light smile crossing over her face. "I love you…" Her eyes fluttered closed for the final time. She took one deep breath, exhaling slowly. I felt her pulse fade, her breathing come to rest. She was smiling at me. And she was gone. I stared at my mother for a very long time, memorizing each and every one of her features. Her deep, brown chocolate eyes - the same eyes she'd given to me, the tiny dimple on the left side of her cheek - that was Daniel's, the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, her rosy red cheeks and her creamy, alabaster skin, her long, flowing chestnut locks. She was beautiful, and she was my mother, and I would never forget her. I felt myself growing drowsy, felt myself slipping away, too. I didn't have anything left to live for now. My mother and brother were gone. It was my time, too. I rested my head on my mother's chest and closed my eyes. I was ready, and I wasn't scared._

_ I heard the voices - they were soft and melodic, angelic in nature. There were several of them. They were talking to each other, and it almost sounded as if they were talking to me. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't. I felt something touch me then. They were gently tugging at me, pulling me away from my mother. I struggled with every ounce of strength I had left to hold on to her, but I couldn't. I could feel my hand slipping from hers, her cold fingertips brushing against the palm of my hand one last time. I forced myself to open my eyes then and saw them. There were six of them, and they were shrouded in blue, an ethereal aura surrounding each of them. And then it struck me. They were angels, coming to take me home, home to my mother, home to my brother. I smiled and reached out toward them. _

_ "She's alive!" I heard one of them shout as my eyes fluttered closed._

_ There was movement and I had the sensation of being carried uphill. I was lying prostrate, wrapped up warm and snug in what felt like heavy blankets. The angels were at my side, whispering words to me I didn't understand. One of the angels held my hand, and it was warm, and it was comforting. I wondered absently where their wings were, but it didn't matter - they were taking me home. I saw the light as we approached. It was warm and bright and yellow, a beacon in the dark night. Go towards the light. It was my turn to go towards the light. I wondered if my mother would be waiting there for me, waiting there to take my hand and lead me away. _

_As we drew closer, the light grew brighter and more magnificent and I felt my pulse quicken in anticipation. I had never imagined it would be like this, had never imagined I'd be filled with such happiness upon departing from my earthly existence. But it was my time. I was meant to be with my mother and brother. And then I felt it, felt the large callused hands of my father grab hold of my own. And I heard it, heard the shrill agonized cry of my best friend by my side. I started shaking uncontrollably, panicked. I looked around forcing myself to focus and the bright flash of a photographer's camera nearly blinded me. My hand instinctively moved to cover my eyes and I heaved a primal and desperate cry. I wasn't dead. I wasn't moving towards the light. I was very much alive, with my father and Alice by my side. And my mother was gone. My mother and brother were gone. _

I looked around me. The room was dark and quiet save for the muffled sound of Edward's soft cries. I reached up and wiped at the tears that dripped silently down my cheeks. I swallowed hard and breathed in deep, trying in that moment to bring myself back to the here and now. I felt naked, completely bare. It was stunning to me that I'd just sat there and recounted the entire nightmare to Edward. As I'd already said, I'd only ever done that once before, with Alice. Only Alice knew it should have been me in that back seat, and not Daniel. Only Alice knew I'd made the decision to stay with my mother and hold her hand in the last few hours of her life instead of trying to go for help. I suffered every day from the decisions I made that fateful evening, and would continue to do so until the day I died. I may have survived the accident, but I survived a broken child.

Now, sitting there with Edward beside me in my room, I tried to process through what had just happened. I'd told Edward everything. Well, almost everything. I'd told him enough for now. It was all I could bear to talk about tonight. I truthfully could not give anything more because I knew it would come - the pain and the despair, and it would debilitate me. I'd told my tale and I would face the consequences. But it dawned on me in that moment that even though I ached deep in my soul, I also felt the tiniest bit relieved. I'd shared my burden with another and it was strangely liberating, as if I were finally taking a stand against the demons that haunted me each and every day of my life. I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat and turned towards Edward. He sat very still, tiny droplets of water splashing down his cheeks and onto his lap. He made no move to wipe them away. His face was stoic and compassionate, and caused my own tears to well in my eyes. I crawled towards Edward on my hands and knees, coming to rest before him. He stared at me, his lips trembling, his tear stained cheeks glistening in the light of the moon.

"I'm so sorry," he choked, shaking his head slowly back and forth. His words were simple but sincere. He didn't offer platitudes and he didn't try and tell me he could imagine how it felt - because he couldn't, and he knew that and I knew that too. But what he could do was to express his compassion for and grieve with me, and he was doing just that. And I felt my own body start to shake as I rose to my knees and leaned forward, taking gentle hold of his face in my hands and tenderly kissing below each of his eyes.

"To think I may have never even known you…," he murmured despairingly, and I could feel his eyelids brush against my lips as they fell closed. I tasted his salty tears and cried out, collapsing against him. We fell backward into the pillows, Edward pulling me close to him, hugging me hard. I curled my body against his, gripping him tightly to me, burying my head in his chest as I cried. I cried and I cried until I could cry no more. Even then, tearless sobs consumed me and I continued to clutch Edward fiercely. He never let go of me, never so much as loosened his grip. He lay there with me silently, letting me grieve, trying his best to comfort me and settle me and all the while littering small kisses on my head.

"I love you," he whispered softly into the dark of the night not long after my sobbing subsided. I heaved a deep sigh, overwhelmed by his words. I could hear the emotion in his voice - could hear how he ached for me, could hear how desperate he was for me to know how he felt. He slipped his hand across his chest and into mine, intertwining our fingers together, bringing them to his mouth and placing a soft kiss to the back of mine. I pulled myself up on his chest then, staring up into his wide green eyes. He looked down at me, the tenderest of smiles tugging at his mouth. He reached out and tucked a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. I studied him, studied his eyes, and what I saw in them comforted me and made me feel safe and secure and very much loved.

"I love you too," I choked, reaching up to run my hand down his dampened cheek. I crawled forward and pressed a soft kiss to his tear moistened lips, letting my lips linger atop his, drinking in his taste. He kissed me back, gently, softly, reverently, before pulling away to stare deep into my eyes.

"I will never leave you, do you understand me?" He said, willing me hear him. "I am here for you. I am yours and you will never have to be without me." Edward's eyes implored me to listen, begged me to understand what it was he was saying to me. "Do you believe me?" He asked moments later, and I nodded. His hands gripped the sides of my face strongly and his thumbs rubbed tiny circles on my cheeks.

"I trust you. I trust you implicitly," I whispered, honestly. "It's me I don't trust," I added sadly, looking away. "I don't trust myself to be able to let go. I still hurt, Edward, I will always hurt. And I will always be haunted by the decisions I made that day. They changed my life, changed who I am - forever." Edward stared at me, nodding slowly. He understood. He understood exactly what the accident had done to me.

"Can you try?" He asked gently. "Because I will be there with you every step of the way. I promise you that."

"I'm scared," I said slowly.

"I am, too," Edward replied without hesitation. "But I can't go back, Bella. We can't go back."

"I know," I whispered, touching my forehead to his before sliding back down the length of his body and resting my head on his chest. I wound my leg around his, pulling myself as close to him as was physically possible. His arm wound round my waist, holding me to him protectively while his hand soothed up and down my arm.

We lay there together well into the night. I'd long ago run out of tears, though my heart still ached for my mother and my brother. I wanted to move forward with my life. I wanted to be happy. But it just wasn't that simple, for try as I might I could not get past what had happened that night almost nine years in the past. I could not get past the fact that my brother's life had been taken in place of mine. I could not get past the fact that I might have saved my mother, but I didn't. And I could not get past the fact that they had died, leaving me all alone and abandoned. And it was an irrational fear that Edward would somehow do the same. That he would somehow abandon me too, leaving me completely broken. But then again it wasn't irrational at all, because I had lost ones I'd loved before. And it wasn't so much the fact that I could lose Edward, it was the fear of what it would do to me if I did. I'd fight to the bitter end to protect myself from ever again having to suffer like I did when my mother and brother died.

"There's more," I whispered ever so softly some time later as Edward traced a path with his fingers up and down the length of my arm. He stopped, drawing in a deep breath.

'Oh?" He said casually. I was hoping maybe he hadn't heard me. But I knew it was only fair that I tell him. We were firmly together now and what I was about to share with him would more than likely surface in the press, and I didn't want it to come as a surprise or to be an embarrassment to him.

"It was very difficult for me after my mother and brother died," I said, feeling a large lump forming in the back of my throat. I swallowed hard, choking back tears. "My father was beside himself, Edward. Both neither he nor Alice was able to reach me and I fell into a very deep and very dark depression." I could feel Edward stiffen every so slightly beneath me, his arm clutching me protectively against his chest even tighter.

"I became…unresponsive…Edward," I said very carefully, "and my father sent me away."

Edward lay beneath me. His fingers which previously traced a soothing path along my arm now trembled uncontrollably atop my skin.

"He sent you away?" He asked, clearly trying to control the quaver in his voice.

"Yes." I answered simply.

"Where to?"

I swallowed hard. "To a psychiatric treatment center." I felt Edward exhale sharply.

"He abandoned you too," he mused a loud, and I flinched at the pain his words inflicted. But he understood. Edward understood exactly what it was I had felt.

"He did," I choked, burying my face in his chest. Edward held me tightly, leaning in to kiss my head.

"He must have been very frightened for you to do that, Bella. He must have been frightened of losing you too," Edward said gently. I nodded against Edward's chest, almost imperceptibly. He had been, and I knew that and I'd forgiven him, but it still didn't change the fact that I'd been taken away from the two people I had left in the world that meant anything to me at all at a time when I needed them the most. I sighed as Edward's hand started tracing the soothing path up and down my arm once again.

"It doesn't matter to me, Bella. You know that, right?" Edward asked sometime later. He yawned, reaching up to rub his eyes with his right hand. I didn't answer.

"Bella?" He shook me gently. I looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sign that he was lying. For the reality of our situation was I wasn't entirely stable and hadn't been since that fateful night nine years ago. Edward was taking a big risk by being with me and I wanted him to know that. I couldn't guarantee that I could get past what had happened that night. I couldn't guarantee that I would one day be able to place everything into perspective and move forward with my life without it ever interfering with my relationships again. I'd honestly never had a reason to try, but I did now. And when I looked up into Edward's eyes what I saw staring back at me was pure, unadulterated love and devotion. Edward would walk the mile with me, of that I was certain.

"I love you," I whispered, hoping to God he understood just how much. And when he reached down and pressed his lips gently to mine, I could feel that he did and I could feel just how much he loved me too.

**Thank you for reading and please take time to review!**


	10. Longing

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks to all of you who are taking time to both read AND REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Longing**

I have never recovered from the deaths of my mother and brother. I know that. I've accepted that. Their deaths will forever be a part of what I am, having molded me and shaped me into the person that I am today. That person, Isabella Marie Swan, is today a far cry from the desperate and lost soul she was nine years ago. With time, I have been able to compartmentalize my grief and tuck it away where it can't hurt me. I had to, had no other choice save letting my grief consume me. With the unwavering encouragement and support of Alice I have been able to move on with my life, although maybe moving on isn't the best way to describe it. Suffice to say, I've perfected the art of simply existing.

It's not been easy for me, living my life having carefully avoided dealing with what happened that night - far from it. No matter how resolved you are to bury painful memories, the fact of the matter is they still manage to find their way to the surface. Nevertheless, over time I have developed a way of coping with my feelings that, up until meeting Edward, had worked well enough.

As a rule, I very carefully avoided any form of emotional commitment, taking care to remain as emotionally detached from people as possible. Alice and my father were of course, the exceptions to this rule. But even with Jasper and Jacob, the only other people I considered myself to be close to, I only ever allowed them a glimpse of who I really was. I never bared my soul to them and never would. I couldn't risk losing someone I loved again. I'd never survive.

In developing my manner of coping, of keeping myself emotionally isolated, I don't know that I ever gave any real thought to what I would do if I ever met someone and fell in love. Truthfully, I doubted that it would ever happen. I was wound up tight, virtually incapable of any form of emotional attachment. As such, I felt certain I was immune to the possibility of falling in love for surely my drive to protect myself would supersede my ability to do so. I would instinctively push any person away before I ever had the chance to fall in love. The thing is I never counted on Edward.

Meeting Edward changed everything. Against the greatest of odds I fell in love. Somehow, Edward had ruined my defenses and found his way straight into my heart, into the very depths of my soul, really. And it was a blessing - it was a blessing to finally feel emotionally connected to someone other than my father or Alice. But it was also a curse, for in baring my soul to Edward I was slowly coming undone. The closer I became to him, the more anxious and terrified I felt.

I now lay completely naked and vulnerable before Edward. He had the control, not me. I'd given him the ability I'd given no one else - the ability to devastate me by leaving. Worse yet, since opening up to Edward about my past, my carefully crafted emotional control was slipping - a crack in my armor if you will. It had been a relief to open up to Edward, to share if only for a moment, the burden of my grief with another. But it meant that those feelings that I'd worked for so long to suppress were once again clawing their way to the surface, screaming to be addressed. And I couldn't do it. Nine years later, I still couldn't face the pain.

It may seem strange to some that nine years after the fact I'd yet to face my past, silly even that I would go to such great lengths to protect myself, shutting myself off from others and struggling daily to keep the pain at bay. _Wouldn't it have been easier to have dealt with everything when it happened?_ There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think _what if I'd done things differently_? _What if I'd accepted help and properly worked through my grief? _ If indeed I'd done just that, it was quite possible I wouldn't find myself in the predicament I was in today – terrified to love another and terrified to face my past. But life is never that simple. There are always complicating factors that influence the decisions we make, and ultimately we have to live with the consequences.

After the accident, I was understandably distant and withdrawn - despondent. I didn't mean to be. My behavior wasn't intentional, it just was. I existed in a sort of half-state. I participated in conversations, but not actively. When asked a question, I would use simple, one word answers. I _was_ able to attend to my most basic needs. I showered and brushed my teeth and hair and I even managed to feed myself at least one meal a day, but it was a tremendous effort on my part. I didn't go to school. I wasn't up to it and didn't return for the remainder of my freshman year. I slept a lot, and this is what first alerted my father to the fact that something was wrong. I would often sleep sixteen to eighteen hours a day. Sleep wasn't an escape, not in the least - with sleep came nightmares. But the reality of it was that sleep required minimal effort on my part. I could just lay there in bed, numb to my surroundings, numb to what happened. And that's why I slept so much, because it was the easiest thing for me to do.

I spent a lot of time with Alice those first few weeks after my mother and brother passed away. My father was working through his own grief as well as dealing with the other issue that had come about as a result of the accident. Of course, this issue only served to further isolate me from him. I wasn't even sure if he even wanted me around anymore. Part of me knew these feelings were illogical, but the other part was terrified that I would end up all alone with no mother, brother or father. When my father announced that he felt it would be best if I were placed in a psychiatric treatment center to help me work through my grief, my fears were all but confirmed. My father was sending me away. And yes, to me it felt as if I were being abandoned all over again.

I didn't go quietly, not at all. I begged and I pleaded with my father not to send me away. I promised him that I would try harder, promised that I would make more of an effort at living. And I did try, but it was just too difficult. Each and every thing I did required so much effort. Even the simplest of tasks such as brushing my hair took me the better part of a day to accomplish, and in the end, the burden of my grief was simply too much to bear. I couldn't do it. I couldn't force myself to embrace life, not even with Alice there by my side. And so I was sent away. At a time in my life when I so desperately needed to be with the only two people I had left in this world, I was sent away.

I was sent away to a privately run adolescent psychiatric treatment center right in the heart of Los Angeles. It was truly the last place I felt I needed nor did I want to be, but I was a minor and had no say in matters pertaining to my mental health. I was certain I didn't belong there, and was angry as hell at my father for placing me there, but there was nothing I could do but suffer through it.

I wasn't allowed to bring anything with me to the treatment center other than five day's worth of clothes and a bare minimum amount of toiletries. I could earn the right to have other personal possessions as I progressed in therapy, but to begin with, no personal belongings were allowed. That obviously included my cello. And I was heartbroken. The one constant in my crisis, other than Alice, was my cello. It was my one true outlet for my grief, but not once I was sent away. No. When I was sent away, each and every thing in my life that meant anything to me at all was single handedly snatched away, and I was left alone and terrified and increasingly bitter. I didn't understand why in the hell God hadn't just taken me when he'd had the chance, because I knew there was no way I was going to survive my incarceration. And there was no way in hell I was going to go to therapy, no way in hell I was going to talk about what happened with a stranger.

As it turns out, I did go to therapy. I went unwillingly, but I did go. I very quickly found that I had no choice in the matter. If I didn't go to therapy my therapist, Sue Clearwater, came to my room. If I didn't speak with Sue, I earned consequences. At first I didn't really care. I didn't want to watch TV, participate in arts and crafts, go outside or any other crap like that. I wanted to lie in bed and just be. But I very quickly grew bored with that and with time, I started to come around. Slowly I started to snap out of my grief induced stupor and realized that if I had any hope of getting out of that place, I had one of two choices. I could either face my issues head on, or I could learn to work the system. I chose the latter, and did so quite successfully, or so I thought.

There were four therapeutic levels each patient had to pass before they could be considered for release. I breezed through the first three levels within three weeks of entering the facility. I was the model patient, doing as I was told, when I was told, and attending each and every one of my therapy sessions as required. And it really was absurd because as I was attending my daily therapy sessions, where I literally sat in Sue's office and told her whatever it was I thought she wanted to hear, I was slowly but surely packing my grief away, tying it up into a neat little package and tucking it away into the very deepest part of my soul. I had to. There was no other choice. My survival depended on it. There was simply no way I could go through it. I could not deal with my pain - it hurt too much. And I had to get back home. I was desperate to get back home, back to my father and to Alice, and I would do whatever it was that was necessary to make that happen. As it turns out, I wasn't as swift as I thought. I hadn't fooled Sue at all.

_I sat on a picnic bench underneath the picnic shelter. Alice sat right beside me, her arm linked with mine. My father sat across the bench from the two of us, nervously wringing his hands. I was pissed, and he knew it, and the only reason I hadn't completely lost it in my family therapy session was that I knew that in order to be able to visit with Alice afterward, I had to keep my cool. Spending supervised time with Alice was my reward for good behavior. If I behaved myself - didn't earn any consequences and actively participated in therapy, Alice was permitted to visit me once weekly. I'd been in treatment for exactly six weeks. This was Alice's third visit. _

_ To say I looked forward to Alice's visits would be like saying a girl looks forward to her first kiss, or to graduating from high school. Alice's visits were the only thing, and I mean the only thing, that kept me motivated to work through my "issues", whatever the hell that meant. I eagerly anticipated each of her visits and even the fact that my Quad Counselors were always nearby monitoring my visits could not dampen my enthusiasm at seeing Alice. Tonight was no different. When Sue dismissed my father and me from therapy, I practically tripped over my own two feet running outside to the picnic shelter to see her._

_ "Bella!" She screamed, jumping up and down and waving in my direction. _

_ "Alice!" I yelled back, tears streaming down my face. In all of the time that Alice and I had spent apart over the years, and there had been many extended absences from one another as a result of tours, I had never missed Alice as much as I missed her now. Her absence from my life was all the more gut wrenching because I had already lost so much. I had so very little left now, it hurt me deeply to be kept from those I loved and that I knew loved me._

_ I ran towards Alice, embracing her tightly before linking my arm with hers and taking a seat at the picnic bench. "How did therapy go?" She asked, gently rubbing my arm with her hand. "You seem tense."_

_ If I looked tense it was because I was. Therapy had not gone well at all. I glared at my father from across the table, willing him to meet my stare, willing him to be man enough to admit that what he'd just done was wrong. He'd practically thrown me to the wolves, siding with my therapist. He'd put his foot down. He was resolute. I wasn't coming home any time soon._

_ "Why don't you ask my father," I seethed. My father just shook his head._

_ "Bella, please, let's not discuss this here, okay?" My father stared down at his hands. He couldn't look at me. I noticed my Quad Counselors had moved closer to our table. They must have picked up on my mood. Alice didn't say anything, she just continued to rub my arm. No one was saying anything at all, in fact, and it was really starting to piss me off. So I spoke._

_ "They're not going to release me at the end of the month, Alice," I said. Her head immediately snapped up. _

_ "What? I don't understand. You've nearly completed all your levels. I thought once you'd graduated your levels, you were released." _

_ "Yeah, well, apparently I haven't been working on my issues at all," I huffed, rolling my eyes. "Sue says I'm suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome – whatever the hell that means. Oh yeah, they also say I've been…oh let's see if I can remember the words Sue used to describe my behavior, coasting through therapy, telling others what they want to hear so that I can work the program and get an early release." _

_ I listened as my father groaned and Alice gasped. _

_ "That's not true, Bella! You've been working hard, I know you have!"_

_In actuality, it was true. It was all true. I hadn't been working on my therapy at all. I'd be damned if I were going to bare my soul to Sue, reliving every moment of that horrific night with her, because there wasn't any way in hell she was going to be able to help me to feel better. There wasn't any way in hell that Sue – or anyone else for that matter, was ever going to convince me that I wasn't at least partly responsible for my mother and brother's deaths. And there wasn't anything Sue could do that would help ease the insufferable pain I was in. _

_Alice was becoming visibly upset now and my father reacted to her distress by standing up and raising his hands in the air._

_ "Girls, please, let's settle down," he said. My Quad Counselors were now standing right by the picnic table. _

_ "Fuck you," I spat. "You threw me to the wolves, dad. My fucking mother and brother die and you have the nerve to tell me I haven't worked through my issues?" I was beyond angry now. My Quad Counselors moved in, telling me the visit was over and it was time for me to return to the Quad. Alice looked panicked, not quite sure what to say or to do. _

_ "I'm not going anywhere until I finish my visit with my best friend," I seethed. "I've earned it." _

_It didn't matter that I'd earned it, though. My behavior was deemed unacceptable by my Quad Counselors and they ordered me to step away from the picnic table. I refused. Both my father and Alice encouraged me to calm down and to listen to my Counselors and for a moment, I felt a flash of anger for Alice. She was supposed to stand up for me, not willingly comply with the same authority figures that were slowly killing me. But I couldn't blame her. She was as helpless in this situation as I was. My Counselors asked me to come with them one last time._

_ "Fuck you," I spat, and they moved in. Each one of them grabbed an arm and started to physically remove me from the picnic table. I heard the announcement over the intercom at the same moment in which I heard Alice scream. _

_ "Code 10, Code 10, picnic shelter." _

_I knew within moments more staff would appear to assist my two Quad Counselors in restraining me but I just did not give a shit anymore. I'd been locked away with a bunch of psychotic nut cases for the past six weeks because my fucking mother and brother had died! I was being punished because they died! No matter how hard I tried to reason through how my father could have done this to me, I just could not get past the fact that I was being punished because my mother and brother were taken from me. _

_ I fought against my Quad Counselors with all I had. They hadn't made things easy for me and I sure as hell wasn't going to make things easy for them. _

_ "Bella, Bella please, calm down!" I heard my father yelling amidst all the chaos. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, a look of sheer panic plastered across his face. And I lost it._

_ "I want to go home daddy," I pleaded through my tears, "please, I just want to go home. I'm sorry I haven't handled things well, and I promise to do better. I just need to be home, with you and Alice, daddy, please." _

_I was vaguely aware of Alice standing off to the side, sobbing hysterically. My Counselors had lifted me from the table and were now restraining me against the wall, my arms forced down to my side. _

_ "I can't Bella, I just can't. You're not ready," my father choked out. And I started screaming, anguished, heart-broken, blood curdling screams. I continued to struggle against my Counselors even though I knew it was useless. I could already hear others approaching. Another person slammed into my body, their hands splayed across my shoulders, holding me up firmly against the wall._

_ "Oh my God, stop it!" I heard Alice shriek. "You're killing her!" Alice stood wild eyed and terrified, staring at me. She was shaking. She looked as if she were about to pass out. My father was immediately by Alice's side, pulling on her arm, dragging her in the direction of the parking lot. _

_ "NO! Get off of her! You. Are. Killing. Her!" She screamed emphatically as my father dragged her away from me. And they were - rather it was. The pain was. Little by little, bit by bit, I was dying. And I knew the only thing that would make things better was getting out of there. I had to get out of there, at all costs. I had to get home to my father. I had to get home to Alice._

I didn't spend much longer in treatment. Days after my outburst my father checked me out of the facility, against medical advice. After witnessing my Quad Counselors restraining me Alice had begged and pleaded with my father to bring me home. I didn't belong in that type of setting, she argued. I belonged at home, surrounded by the only family I had left. I needed my family to comfort me in my grief; it was the only way I would ever get better. It was a convincing argument.

In a phone call home not soon after, I promised my father that I was doing better and that what I really needed was to come home and be with him and Alice. I could tell my father was desperate to have me home, too, though he was obviously torn over what was best for me. I knew it was time then - time to play the one card I knew I had left, ultimately breaking my father's resolve to keep me in treatment. I told him that if he really and truly was my father, that if he really and truly loved me as his daughter, that he would bring me home. He would give me another chance. It was unfair of me to manipulate my father like that. I recognized this. But it was my only chance. I knew that he wouldn't be able to say no to me. How could he deny me after all that I'd been through? And in the end, I was all that he had left. Without me, he was all alone. And he was scared to death of losing me, scared to death of living his life all alone, more scared I think than I was of losing him.

And so it was that my father removed me from treatment one dark and rainy afternoon in June, ironically enough, the same weekend Daniel would have left for music camp. I was grateful to be coming home and I knew then that I had no other choice but to put on a brave face, effectively burying any and all feelings I had that were related to the accident. It was the only way I would be able to muddle through, the only way I would be able to survive. And it worked, or so I thought. Little by little, bit by bit, I threw myself back into the ebb and flow of what was now my life - my life without a mother or a brother. It was far from easy and there were plenty of moments when I broke down, having no other choice but to give myself over to the pain. I cried myself to sleep in Alice's arms for many months after returning home. But over time I perfected the art of protecting myself from ever again having to suffer the unbearable pain and devastation of losing a loved one. I would never again bare my soul to anyone. And I honestly thought I could do it, honestly thought I could live my life without ever giving myself over to another.

Until I met Edward.

I felt Edward move, rolling his body on top of mine. "Are you still with me?" He murmured, kissing down my neck. It was the middle of the night. Edward and I should have been sleeping, but Edward had other things on his mind.

"Hmm," I responded absently. His touch felt so good. I could feel goose bumps popping up all over my skin. Edward chuckled against me, the sensation causing me to gasp.

"You like that?" He asked, blowing cool air over my warm, wet skin. I gasped again.

"Uh huh," I managed. My senses were slowly being overwhelmed. Edward was everywhere. He was all I could smell, all I could hear, all I could see, all I could taste and all I could feel. I ran my hands up into his hair giving it a gentle hug.

"Harder," Edward commanded. He loved it when I pulled his hair. I tugged harder and his kisses on my neck became sloppier and I could feel him as he pressed himself against me. My hips thrust upward involuntarily, seeking him out, needing him, wanting him.

It had been nearly a week since I'd broken down in the middle of my bed, telling Edward everything…well, almost everything, that had happened the night I lost my mother and brother. Edward had been very careful with me in the nights following, never so much as kissing my lips once we laid down to sleep. Instead, he held me close and hushed me in the dead of the night when I awoke covered in sweat, screaming out for my mother. This was an unfortunate but expected side effect of having shared my story with Edward. I suffered from nightmares on a regular basis, but they were always more intense after I talked about what happened. This was yet another reason why I rarely shared anything of my past with anyone. Better to keep it locked tightly away.

To say Edward had been wonderful to me these past few nights would be woefully unfair. He had been so much better than wonderful. He had cared for me, held me, hushed me, loved me, rubbed my back and soothed my sobs as I desperately tried to sort through the deluge of feelings that were slowly making their way to the surface and that truthfully, threatened to consume me whole. Honestly, I didn't understand what I'd done to deserve Edward. Despite everything that had happened to me in my life, I didn't feel like I was worthy of his love. He was too good to me. I wasn't able to give back to him even a fraction of what it was he was giving to me. I wondered how long that would last. How long would he wait for me? And would I ever truly be able to be with him?

"You're doing it again," he murmured, pulling away from me and running his fingers down my cheek. My eyes were closed. I opened them and looked into his and what I saw in them broke my heart. He was such a devoted man. I couldn't…wouldn't, lie to Edward. I wouldn't pretend everything was all right. I wasn't really there with him, and he knew it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, reaching up to run my forefinger along the outline of his lower lip. It was wet and plump, slightly swollen from kissing me.

"Is this too much?" He asked cautiously, pulling away from me slightly. "Do you want me to stop?" I thought about this. I really _didn't_ want him to stop. I could feel him pressed hard against me. I was warm with desire and what could only be described as unadulterated, raw need. I shook my head, no, slowly. Edward eyed me warily. He was hovering over me and I wanted nothing more than for him to cover me completely, to blanket me in his warmth.

"I want you to want this as much as I do," he said quietly, and his honesty was disarming. I hesitated only a moment before speaking.

"I do," I assured him. And I did. I so desperately wanted to be with him. But somehow he knew - even when I didn't, that there was still a part of me that wasn't ready. He placed the palm of his hand tenderly against my face, holding it there. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. He understood - no questions asked.

"I'll get there," I whispered, making certain to speak directly to him and not to avert my gaze. I wanted him to know.

"I know you will," he said simply, "because I love you and you love me." And there had never been anything I held to be more true than that one simple fact.

The following evening I was practicing my cello when my cell phone rang. I put my cello down and ran to pick it up, in the process tripping over a pair of Edward's shoes that he'd left lying by the side of the couch. I muttered something under my breath, reaching for the phone where it lay on the coffee table and flipping it open.

"What took you so long?" Edward teased.

"Well, let's see, I nearly broke my leg when I tripped over your shoes trying to get to the phone," I responded a might bit testily.

"Hmm…aren't we in a snippy mood," Edward teased again, and I had to laugh. I couldn't be angry with him, no matter how hard I tried.

"Where are you?" I asked. I was eager to see him. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was after nine.

"I'm on my way to pick you up," he replied, and I noticed for the first time since picking up the phone that Edward sounded excited, much more excited than was normal for him, especially at this hour of the night. He was generally exhausted after a long day's work.

"Where are we going?" I asked cautiously. We hadn't stepped out together since the charity event and I was nervous about doing so. Thankfully, photographers had been none the wiser about my panic attack that evening. No photos of an ashen faced Edward ushering me into the limo were published. There were a few photos of us that were published in the local papers as well as in several magazines, but they were all of Edward and me standing outside of the hotel before the event. Still, I was hesitant to head back out in public so soon after what had happened.

"Babies R Us," Edward answered excitedly.

"Wh…what?" I stammered, thinking I must have heard him wrong.

"Babies R Us!" He said again clearly unable to contain his enthusiasm. "I'm an uncle, Bella! Genevieve Adeline Cullen was born this morning at 6:56 A.M. She was 7 pounds 9 ounces and 20 inches long. Mother and baby are doing well," he said breathlessly.

"You sound like a birth announcement, Edward," I laughed, and he laughed with me. "Congratulations," I added warmly. Edward had been looking forward to the birth of his niece for weeks. He spoke with Emmett and Rosalie on a daily basis and had already initiated a Christmas countdown. He was thrilled to be spending the holidays with his family this year. I was happy for him too, if not a bit sad that we'd be apart. I couldn't even think of our impending separation after the New Year.

"So I'll be by in 15 minutes," Edward said, and I immediately remembered that I was nervous about going back out into public with him - especially to a Babies R Us.

"Umm…Edward," I began slowly. "I'm not so sure that it's the best idea to be seen together at a Babies R Us. It might set people talking, don't you think?" I actually couldn't believe Edward was being so blasé about this. He was too excited about Genevieve's birth to have given it any thought, I supposed.

"Hmm…you have a point, Bella," Edward mused, then happily added, "that's why I've gone to the trouble of having the store remain open after hours so that we can shop together in private without the event turning into a public spectacle." I laughed at Edward's thoroughness.

"Don't you have people that can handle this sort of thing for you?" I teased, knowing full well that was not Edward's style. He liked to handle his personal affairs himself.

"Please, Bella," he scoffed. "I know you know me better than that," he laughed and I laughed with him, agreeing to meet him downstairs in the parking garage in a few minutes. I took a moment to run a brush through my hair and grabbed my sweater before heading out the door.

I waited for Edward by the door to the parking garage which led into the back lobby of my apartment building. I was a little shocked when a very flashy sports car pulled into the garage, racing up the way and coming to a sudden stop in front of me. Edward hopped out of the driver's seat and was by my side in a matter of seconds, pulling me to him and crushing his lips to mine. He kissed me deeply, leaving me feeling incredibly flustered and completely out of breath when he finally pulled away.

"I missed you," he murmured, bending down to suck gently on my neck. I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head and immediately pushed Edward away. I laughed, shaking my head at him as he smiled a smug smile and gingerly took my hand, leading me to the passenger side of the car. He opened the door for me and motioned for me to climb in. I looked up at him, slightly confused.

"Where's Ronald?" I asked. Ronald generally chauffeured Edward everywhere. But this evening, he was no where in sight. Edward smiled broadly at me.

"It's just the two of us this evening," he said. "I've rented this car for the remainder of my stay here in New York City," he said smiling at me, though I noted his face fall ever so slightly as he made reference to his inevitable departure. Mine fell, too. "I thought I'd try and at least act like an average New Yorker," Edward laughed, trying to lighten the suddenly somber mood.

"The average New Yorker takes the subway or a cab, Edward," I reminded him.

"True," he said while putting the car into drive and maneuvering out of the parking garage at break neck speed.

"Jesus, Edward," I cried out, clutching my seat. Edward glanced at me, chuckling.

"Do you have any idea what car you're riding in right now?" He asked. His face was reminiscent of a young boy's on Christmas morning. I shook my head no, laughing lightly at him.

"This, love, is an Aston Martin Vanquish. I had to pull a few strings to get this one loaned out," he beamed. I looked around at the interior of the car and it was most definitely polished and sleek. The car was unarguably incredibly sexy, much like Edward himself, I thought. But I still didn't understand the appeal. The car didn't seem very practical.

"And you selected this car, why?" I asked, egging Edward on. "If you were so determined to act like an _average_ New Yorker, we could have just driven my car," I pointed out.

"Ah, but your car is not near as much fun," he replied. And he winked at me before pressing his foot to the accelerator and roaring off down the street. He threw his head back in laughter and I couldn't help but smile. I loved seeing Edward so carefree and relaxed. It soothed me, imparted a certain peace that seemed to be missing from my life whenever he wasn't around. He was good for me, and I knew that. I just had to get past my fear of losing him.

"So we're on our way to Babies R Us," I mused, glancing in Edward's direction. He drove the car fluidly with one hand, his other hand resting comfortably on my thigh.

"Mmm hmm," he hummed, looking over at me and smiling his devastatingly handsome smile. I blushed, biting down on my lower lip.

"Mmm…please don't do that to me here, love. We may not make it to the store," he teased, running his fingers slowly up my inner thigh towards my now throbbing center.

I smiled coyly at him and the intensity with which he stared back at me, so obviously lusting after me, caused me to start to tremble. I grabbed his hand in mine, stopping his slow progression and gave it a gentle squeeze before turning to look out the window. My breathing was already erratic from his one simple touch. I had to calm myself down. I heard Edward chuckle lightly beside me and I couldn't help but smile to myself. As sexually frustrating as it was not to have been with Edward yet, it made our little games all the more enjoyable. The sexual tension was so thick it was nearly tangible. And I liked that, a lot, for I knew that when we were finally together that it would be a truly mind blowing experience for the both of us and that all of our foreplay would only serve to heighten the intensity of our union.

As we pulled into the parking lot of Babies R Us, Edward's phone rang. He answered it and after hanging up, pulled around to the back of the store where a security guard stood waiting for us. Edward parked the car, moving around the front of the car to the passenger side door before I even had a chance to unbuckle my seatbelt. He opened the door and grabbed my hand, excitedly pulling me into the parking lot. I laughed at his exuberance. I couldn't ever recall having seen him so excited about something and it was beyond adorable. I sighed - just one more endearing quality to cause me to fall more deeply in love with him, if that were even possible.

Once inside the store we were introduced to the store manager, Erin. She explained to us that she would be performing stock duties in the back of the store and that she'd asked one of her most trusted employees to stay late in order to assist us with our purchases in the front of the store. Mercifully, the employee she'd selected was an aging gentleman named David, a grandfather to three little girls who asked us to please feel free to look through the store on our own and to ask him any questions we might have – if any. I had to laugh at this addendum. Of course we'd have questions. Edward and I knew absolutely nothing about babies. Edward graciously thanked Erin and David before grabbing my hand and practically dragging me towards the front of the store.

"Umm, have you ever been in a store like this before?" I asked Edward cautiously while trying desperately to match his fast pace. I definitely had not. I was only twenty three and nobody I knew was even thinking about having babies yet. I knew very little about babies in general, and even less about what someone should purchase to celebrate a newborn's birth.

"No," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "But this can't be that difficult."

Edward said that right before we came face to face with a wall of pacifiers. And when I say _wall_ of pacifiers, I mean a large, 10 x 15 area filled with nothing but pacifiers of every shape, size and color imaginable. Edward and I stood together, transfixed by the sight before us. I gulped.

"Is this for real?" I asked. How could there possibly be so many different types of pacifiers! And then I saw the bottles - hundreds, literally hundreds of them lining the shelves. I turned to Edward.

"I think we may be in over our heads." Edward nodded in agreement.  
"We'd better call in David," I said letting go of Edward's hand and retracing our steps to the back of the store to find him. When I returned with David a few minutes later, Edward was nowhere in sight. I sighed, not really wanting to select gifts for the baby by myself, but it was already after ten and I didn't want to keep Erin and David waiting too long. The first question David asked was a question I didn't have an answer for.

"Is the baby going to be bottle fed or breast fed?" I stared at David, unsure of what to say. But if I had been uncertain about whether or not baby Genevieve would be bottle or breast fed, the answer was made abundantly clear when Edward rounded the corner with a huge C shaped object that read _My Breast Friend_ in one hand and a large box containing an electric breast pump in the other.

"Edward," I gasped, suddenly slightly embarrassed, though I wasn't sure why. I just hadn't expected Edward to be carting around a breast pump in the middle of Babies R Us. I smiled to myself, realizing how ironic it was that the press tried to present Edward as a wild bachelor of sorts when in truth he was nothing of the sort. If only the paparazzi could see Edward now I thought, shaking my head. Edward cast a curious look my way before turning to speak to David.

"Would you recommend the _Medela Pump in Style Advanced Breast Pump_ or the _Ameda Purely Yours Breast Pump_?" Edward asked very seriously, and I couldn't help it. I laughed out loud.

"Edward," I interrupted, "you're not seriously considering buying Rosalie a breast pump, are you?" I asked incredulously. And the expression on Edward's face told me clearly that he was.

"Why not?" He asked, appearing genuinely bewildered by my question.

"Edward," I said gently, giving him one of _those_ looks, "don't you think Rosalie might be better suited to picking out her own breast pump?" I didn't want to state the obvious or anything, but this was borderline ridiculous. As much as Edward loved his newborn baby niece, I thought our plan of attack should be to send something safe - like a rattle and some clothes for instance. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought of sending Rosalie a…breast pump! Edward stared at me, somewhat crestfallen at my gentle rejection. I watched as David looked between Edward and me and thankfully, he seemed to understand the point I was trying to make.

"Ahem…" David cleared his throat and Edward and I both looked at him. "Perhaps some fun toys and some clothes would be appropriate for the new mother and her baby," David suggested. Edward pouted, reluctantly discarding the breast pump and the _My Breast Friend _object he still clutched tightly in his hand. I hadn't quite figured out exactly what _My Breast Friend_ was meant for, but then again, I didn't really care to know. As far as I was concerned, it looked like some random medieval torture device.

Edward and I followed David over to the infant toy section and Edward immediately set to work scooping up each and every doll he could lay his hands on. He was obviously intent on thoroughly spoiling his new niece and I felt it better to leave him be for the time being, choosing instead to peruse the video section. I found a nice DVD on the instruments of the orchestra I thought Genevieve might like before walking over to the book section. While in that section I happened upon a little book of prayers and I froze when I opened the book and on the very first page was the prayer my mother had sung to me every night up until she died.

"Perfect," I whispered to myself, reaching up to wipe at a tiny tear that had escaped without me even realizing it.

"What's that?" Edward murmured in my ear. I felt Edward's arms encircle me from behind and I leaned back into him, grasping his forearms with my hands and hugging him to me tightly. I needed to feel him surround me in that moment. I needed to feel connected to him. It was eerie how without even realizing it he always seemed to be right by my side when I needed him most.

"I found Genevieve a book of prayers," I said simply, not choosing to elaborate. No sense in casting a melancholy mood over our otherwise care free outing, I thought.

"That's nice," Edward said, reaching down to take the book from my hands. I hesitated, not sure whether or not to hand him the book, but then I reasoned he surely wouldn't remember…

"It's the same prayer," he said, as if it were the most incredible of coincidences. Or perhaps it wasn't a coincidence at all. I nodded my head. Edward turned me towards him, cupping my face in his hands. His eyes searched mine for any sign of distress, but there was none. Oddly enough I felt at ease, now more certain than ever that I'd found Genevieve the perfect gift.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, hesitantly. I nodded yes, smiling up at him.  
"I'd like to give this to Genevieve as a gift from me if that's all right," I said, and Edward nodded at me.

"Of course," he replied, bending down to touch his forehead to mine. He reached up with his left hand and tenderly caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"I love you," he whispered, and his words were so unexpected and so honest that I couldn't help but cry. It was still so overwhelming for me to hear him say those three very simple words. And each and every time that he did, he looked right through me, disarming me with his honesty.

"I love you, too," I replied without a moment's hesitation, drawing him to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him tightly. I was still crying, but they were unquestionably tears of joy. After a moment I happened to glance to my right and immediately burst out laughing.

"What is it?" Edward asked as he pulled back from our embrace. I motioned to the shopping cart that stood a few feet away from us overflowing with gifts for Genevieve.

"I think you might have gone slightly overboard, Edward," I said, shaking my head at him.

"Nonsense. She's my first niece," he defended himself. "And this is nothing, just wait until Christmas," he added flashing me a knowing grin.

Approximately two hours and $1324.45 later Edward and I finally exited the store toting 23 ridiculously frilly dresses (all Edward's choices), 7 baby dolls of various shapes and sizes, 3 different soft shape sorters, a dozen rattles, 8 books, 3 videos, 5 plush bath towels, a baby Bjorn and several other assorted baby paraphernalia. Edward tasked me with mailing everything to Emmett and Rosalie first thing in the morning. Thankfully, David had helped us to wrap everything so all I had to do was purchase a box big enough to fit everything and send the package on its way. As we placed the packages into the trunk of Edward's car, he smiled broadly. He was extremely pleased with his purchases and was riding a natural high. He was thrilled to be an uncle. That much was clear.

"That was fun," I confessed to Edward on the car ride home. I hadn't actually expected it to be, but it most definitely was. He turned to me and smiled.

"I thought so," he mused, smiling lightly. "Christmas can't come soon enough. I'm already so anxious to meet her!" He added before the most curious of expressions crossed over his face. He paused for a moment before continuing. "Would you come with me?" He quietly asked. I shook my head, slightly puzzled by his request.

"Come where?" I laughed. And he gave me one of those looks that told me I was making this painfully difficult for him. And I suddenly got it.

_Oh_.

"You want me to spend Christmas with you?" I gasped a loud, in a much more theatrical manner than I had actually intended. Edward laughed nervously.

"Is that such a bad thing?" He teased, only I could see he hadn't expected this sort of reaction from me. My response had made him anxious. He was fidgeting in his seat.

"No, no!" I scrambled to reassure him. I grabbed his hand in mine, taking care to interlock our fingers before giving it a gentle squeeze. 'It's not that, of course it's not a bad thing! The question was just…unexpected is all," I said honestly. Edward sighed, clearly relieved, giving my hand a gentle squeeze in return.

"My parents really want to meet you," he said, and I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling strangely claustrophobic. I reasoned it was the close confines of the sports car, though if I were really being honest with myself I knew that wasn't the case.

"Oh really," I said, casting my eyes downward. It only made sense that his parents would want to meet me, and I had actually already given some thought as to when and where this event might occur. But Christmas had never even crossed my mind. It seemed so soon. But then again, Edward would be filming in Paris for three months beginning early in the new year so Christmas was suddenly the most logical and obvious choice.

"They're going to love you, you know," Edward encouraged me gently a few moments later. He sensed my anxiety and, as he always seemed to do, moved immediately to diminish it. I looked up at him, putting on my best brave face when inside I was desperately trying not to succumb to a panic attack.

I couldn't quite identify why it was I was so anxious about meeting his parents. Of course on the surface I was worried they might not like me, but there was obviously more to it than that. Edward's family life was just so idyllic compared to mine and I was worried it would be too difficult for me to spend Christmas with a mother and a brother I no longer had. I also knew that by meeting Edward's family we would be more firmly establishing ourselves as a couple to the outside world. I wasn't sure what that would mean for us and found myself brooding heavily over the possibility that it could lead to our demise. I couldn't tell you why I felt that way, I just did. Things were so messed up in my head, my mind spinning off in so many different directions that it was categorically impossible for me to make sense of anything at all.

"Relax Bella," Edward soothed me as he pulled into my parking garage. We waited for some passers by to enter their cars and exit the garage before transferring our packages to the back of the Aztec and heading upstairs. Edward didn't say anything to me as we made our way up to my apartment, and when we'd been inside for over ten minutes and he _still_ hadn't said anything to me I began to think I'd hurt his feelings. Edward was lying on the couch texting Emmett and I sat opposite him reading yet another biography on Bach. When I saw Edward put his phone down and lean his head back, his eyes closed, I nudged him with my foot. He peeked out at me through one open eye.

"I'm sorry I freaked out in the car. I'm actually really looking forward to meeting your parents," I said, smiling apologetically. "It's just sort of scary for me, is all. That and it will be the first Christmas I've spent away from my father since the accident," I added, honestly. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but was certain my father would be thrilled for me. He wouldn't make me feel badly about spending the holidays away from him. He was one of the most selfless people I knew. Edward smiled a sad smile and nodded his head.

"I understand," he said, though not very convincingly. I sat up from where I was leaning back into the cushions and scooted closer to him. He sat up too, leaning forward and reaching out with his left arm to bring me against his chest. He held me there tightly. Too tightly. Something was wrong. I immediately felt my entire body go rigid.

"What's wrong?" I asked very seriously, turning my face upwards to look at his. It was distant, and sad.

"I have to leave in three days time," he answered me quietly, and I felt the air rush from my lungs as I exhaled sharply. "I've got press obligations I have to attend to. _By the Light of the Moon_ premiers in a little over three weeks you know," he added. But I wasn't listening to him. My mind hadn't registered anything he'd just said other than the fact that he'd be leaving in three days time. It would be the first time we'd be apart since we came together, and if I felt as if I was going to have a panic attack earlier in the car I knew for certain I was going to have one now. I immediately sat up, pulling myself from Edward's arms. I stood up, not really sure what to do. I could feel my breaths start to come in short, deep, rapid succession.

"Bella," Edward whispered worriedly, reaching out to me.

"You keep doing this to me!" I shrieked, turning to face him. "You keep waiting to tell me things that are monumentally important, Edward!" And I realized in that moment that for the first time since meeting Edward, I was truly angry with him. "You can't do that!" I cried. Edward sat back in the couch, looking sadly defeated. He didn't even attempt to defend himself.

"You're right," he said simply. "And I'm sorry. I just didn't think that after what happened last weekend that this week would be an appropriate time for me to tell you, Bella. You've been…" and he trailed off, obviously embarrassed to say anything more.

"I've been what?" I challenged angrily.

"You've been removed," he said pointedly, his face hard. I could feel myself grinding my teeth together, my anger boiling over. My jaws were clenched tightly together and I stared at Edward through the tiny slits of my narrowed eyes. I was so angry with him for keeping this from me, and I wanted to hold on to that anger because I knew that if I didn't I would have no other choice but to give myself over to the sorrow and despair I knew would find me at the thought of him leaving.

"How long?" I asked, feeling my defenses start to crack. Edward could see this too and his face immediately softened.

"One week," he whispered, unable to meet my gaze. _One week_. I repeated it to myself. _One week_. It may as well have been one year for as much difference at it made to me. One by one the tears started to fall, and I wiped at them furiously.

"Damn it," I muttered, angry at myself for crying. Edward sighed, reaching out to me tentatively with his right hand, his eyes beseeching me to come to him. And I did. I crawled back into his arms and buried my head in his chest and cried like a baby. And I realized in that moment just how messed up things really were. I was completely breaking down at the thought of Edward being gone for a week, one simple week, when looming ahead in the not so distant future was a three month separation. How was it possible that I'd ever survive? And I was suddenly very, very frightened. More frightened than I think I'd ever before been about just what this relationship was going to do to me, about just what loving Edward Cullen was going to mean for me, Isabella Swan.

Edward frantically tried to soothe me, running his hand nervously up and down the length of my back and kissing the top of my head over and over again. Amazingly, my over the top intense reaction to his departure didn't seem to scare him. And then he whispered one very simply statement against my head.

"I'm anxious about leaving you, too."

And I knew then that I wasn't in this alone. I knew that we were both hopelessly bound to one another. But rather than reassure me, this only served to frighten me even more because I knew that Edward was in this just as deeply as I was and was seemingly just as bewildered by it all as me. I tried to take shelter in his arms, to find some reassurance in his gentle touch, but try as I might to ignore it one sole fact pushed its way forward, not to be denied. Edward was leaving me for one week, and I literally had no idea how I was going to survive without him.

Three days was not a lot of time to prepare for Edward's departure and suddenly, well before I was ready, the moment was upon us - the moment I'd dreaded all week. Edward was leaving. _Today_. _Now_. We'd spent the morning together sleeping in, eating a late breakfast and talking about everything there was to talk about except the fact that Edward was leaving. Neither one of us could bring ourselves to talk about _that_. It just was and there was nothing that either one of us could do to change it. Edward had to go. _By the Light of the Moon _was due to premiere in three weeks time and he was contractually obligated to promote the film in public appearances, talk shows and magazine interviews.

I walked into the kitchen and wiped down the counters for the third time that morning. I was stressed and anxious and Edward wasn't faring much better. He'd been unusually quiet since finishing his breakfast, having played the piano for over two hours without ever whispering a word. I let him be. I found that Edward sometimes just needed time to be with himself, to think things through.

Edward's phone buzzed, causing us both to jump. It was time. Ronald was downstairs waiting for Edward with the car. Edward was standing by the dining room table finishing placing his iPod, laptop and the latest book he was reading into his backpack. He sighed heavily as he zipped it closed, slinging it over his shoulder. Edward walked towards me then with his shoulders hunched forward and his head hung low, and my heart fell. He looked so sad…sad and resigned. I completely understood how he felt as I felt the same.

Edward smiled lightly at me, reaching out and taking my hand in his as he led us to the front door. He gripped my hand tightly and I could feel a tiny lump starting to form in the back of my throat. _How could I let him go?_ I fought hard against the tears that were threatening to fall. I didn't want to make this more difficult than need be. Edward hesitated by the front door. Without ever letting go of his hand I moved to face him, bringing my back flush with the door. With his free hand, Edward reached up and ghosted his knuckles across my cheek.

"I'm going to miss you," he all but whispered forlornly. I felt my eyelids flutter closed and I swallowed hard.

"I'm going to miss you, too," I said, forcing myself to open my eyes and meet his gaze and trying with all my might to smile for him. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was terror stricken at the thought of him leaving. And now, with the moment upon us, with both of us standing there before one another struggling with just how to say goodbye, I felt certain I wouldn't survive this. And God this was crazy. How could it be that two people could be so desperate to be together, could long for each other so much that it seemed they wouldn't physically survive if not in the presence of the other? Because this is precisely how I felt, and I was pretty sure Edward felt the same.

"Don't forget about me," I said quietly. I meant to tease him, but there was no humor in my voice. Instead, my voice trembled, giving me away. I was scared. Edward shook his head slowly back and forth, dropping my hand and reaching up to gently cup my face in the palms of both his hands.

"Yours is a face I could never forget, Bella," he said, his face near to mine. "This right here," he said while dragging his thumb across my upper and lower lips, "I memorized this smile the day I first met you and I keep it here," he said, taking his right hand from my face and placing it over his heart. Edward leaned forward, placing the gentlest of kisses on my lips. He pulled away slightly, staring deep into my eyes. "And these?" he said, running his forefinger gently across the arch of my eyelids, "these mesmerizing, deep chocolate eyes are my sanctuary, Bella. Whenever everything just gets to be too much for me, I close my eyes and let myself drown in that deep, deep brown." I felt myself trembling at his words. Edward brought his hands back to cup my face. "No, Bella. No matter what comes to pass, you will always be the only one I will never be able to forget." He smiled lightly at me, leaning forward and touching his lips ever so softly to my own before resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you, Edward," I said quietly. And I felt it more deeply in that moment than I had since I realized it to be true. There was nothing that mattered more to me in that moment, nothing other than Edward. I could feel his thumbs brushing softly against my cheeks, could feel his hands trembling against my skin.

"And I, you, Bella," he whispered. "I love you, too."

It's funny what three little words can do to a person, how they can cause someone to become completely undone. And I'm not sure whether or not it was the words themselves, or the naked honesty with which they were expressed that caused me to shudder. But I did, and I heard Edward groan as he crushed his lips against mine. There was nothing soft nor was their anything gentle about the way Edward kissed me then. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, grabbing hold of my own, tangling the two together. Edward's phone buzzed again, but he didn't bother reaching for it. Instead, he kept his hands firmly anchored to my face, kissing me deeply. I kissed him back, with just as much passion, and when he pulled away we were both breathing heavily. We both stood there panting for a moment before Edward pressed the entire length of his body against mine, resting his forehead on mine once again.

"I have to go," he said, and I was certain I heard his voice quiver. I didn't want to hear him say these words, wanted more than anything to wrap my arms around him and keep him there by my side, where he belonged. And even though he was still standing there right before me, I was suddenly consumed by panic at the thought of being without him. I longed for him already, and he wasn't even gone.

"Come back to me," I cried, flinging myself into his arms. Edward wrapped his arms tightly around me, squeezing me so hard it was difficult for me to breathe. But I didn't care. I felt him press a hard kiss to the top of my head before gently pulling away. When I looked up at him, his eyes were glistening. And almost as if his tears had given me permission to shed my own, a single tear slipped down my cheek.

"Go," I whispered knowing I needed him to leave before I completely fell apart. I reached out and took his hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze. Edward nodded, bending down to press a single kiss to my lips. He let go of my hand then, reaching behind me to open the door. He turned to face me in the doorway, backing away slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Goodbye, sweet girl," he whispered, then turned and walked away. I watched him from the doorway as he headed towards the stairs, watched as he lifted his right hand, sweeping it under both of his eyes. I did the same, but it was no use. The tears fell, and would continue to fall until he returned.

**End Notes:**

**PLEASE take time to review. Thank you so much for reading. **


	11. Between a Rock and a Hard Place

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to those of you that have taken the time to review! It means everything to me!

Thanks to **skyeblue0610** for agreeing to beta this story for me from this point forward.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for recognizing me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 11: Between a Rock and a Hard Place**

Empty. The only word I could think of to describe what it was I felt when Edward left was empty, devoid of any emotion, utterly bare. I stood in my doorway long after Edward left, staring down the empty hall. I kept waiting, thinking that maybe just maybe he'd come back, thinking that maybe just maybe it wasn't true, that he wasn't leaving for a week.

When Mike Newton sauntered out of the elevator with a six pack of beer in one hand and the hand of a very attractive blonde in the other I was jolted back to the here and now. Mike immediately noticed me standing in my doorway and called out to me.

"Bella! Hey Bella!" He waved to me, a huge, goofy grin stretching from one ear to the other. I waved back, though with much less enthusiasm than he'd exhibited. Mike cocked his head to the side, studying me as he drew near to his apartment. He wasn't necessarily the most emotionally perceptive of people, but anyone could see that everything was not right with me.

"Is everything okay?" He asked tentatively, stopping right outside his front door. The blonde next to him huffed. It was clear she was annoyed that Mike was paying attention to someone other than herself. I offered Mike a half smile.

"I'm fine," I lied. It wasn't as if I was going to tell Mike that Edward had just left and already I felt as if I was going to fall apart. Mike studied me closely for a moment, clearly not believing what I'd said. Then, out of nowhere, a huge smile spread across his face.

"Hey, why don't you join us? We're going to watch the big game!" Mike said, excitedly. I wasn't sure what big game he was referring to, but it didn't really matter. I loathed sports and was in no mood to hang out with Mike or his bombshell blonde girlfriend.

"No thanks, Mike. Maybe some other time," I said, trying to be polite, though I cringed when I saw Mike's eyes light up. Great, just great. It appeared I was sending Mike mixed signals now too. I was already in enough trouble with Jacob for doing this; I didn't want to add Mike to that list too.

"That would be great, Bella," he said a little too exuberantly, and I knew it was time for me to retreat back into the safety of my apartment. I smiled lightly at Mike and waved goodbye before quickly stepping inside and closing my door. Johann was there to greet me, wagging his tail furiously back and forth. I reached down to pat his head and it was then that I noticed that his leash was dangling from his mouth. I laughed, in spite of myself.

"You want to go for a walk, eh?" Poor Johann had all but been forgotten these past few months. It had been a whirlwind of activity since the semester had started and with Edward coming around every evening I didn't have much time for myself, let alone Johann, anymore. Miguel had been a godsend, faithfully walking Johann for me every day. Consuela had been very helpful, too. She continued to cook dinner for me at least once a week and made sure to send enough for Edward now, too. An idea popped into my head at that moment and I was inspired to leave my apartment, Johann in tow.

It felt good to get out and walk the streets of the city again. I didn't get out much anymore, with Edward and I electing to remain happily ensconced in my apartment most evenings. It was early November in New York and there was a definitive chill to the air that seemed to seep through your skin and dig into your bones. I made sure to button up my coat and reluctantly pulled my hood over my head to cover my ears. Despite the cold, it was a bright and brilliant afternoon. Johann trotted along beside me, happily greeting the passersby and stopping to pee on every fire hydrant we happened upon. After walking for a little over twenty minutes, we reached our first destination - Williams Sonoma.

I loved Williams Sonoma. I didn't have much time to cook, but I enjoyed finding uses for all of the little kitchen gadgets they had available for sale. Before meeting Edward I would sometimes purchase a random device from them and fashion a recipe around its use, however today my objective was different. Today I wanted to buy a new set of casserole dishes and a stand-up mixer for Consuela. The dishes Consuela sent her dinners in were visibly old, probably having belonged to her own mother, so I thought she might appreciate having a new set of casserole dishes to use. I also wanted to purchase her a stand-up mixer to assist her in her baking. Miguel had mentioned once that Consuela suffered from severe arthritic flare-ups in her hands and I thought a mixer might make the task of mixing batter and kneading dough less burdensome. Of course, as I was at the counter paying for my purchases, I realized I didn't have my car with me. There was no way I was going to be able to carry the mixer and casserole dishes all the way back to my apartment so I asked the cashier if he could put my purchases to the side for me to pick up tomorrow.

I stepped back outside Williams Sonoma and looked up to the sky. It was late afternoon and the sun was starting to set. The air was even chillier now than it had been only a few hours before and I shivered as I pulled my coat tight against my body. I wondered about Edward, wondered where he was right now. In a plane over the Atlantic, I was certain. He'd be in Europe for one week, traveling first to London, followed by Paris, Madrid and finally Rome. As I continued on my trek through the city, I wished I'd completed my next errand before Edward left. It would have been nice for him to have had something new to read on the plane. I sighed. Edward and I really needed to get out more. I knew that and decided that when Edward returned we'd make more of an effort to do so. We had to. I would simply have to find the courage.

I heard the little bell that was attached to the inside door handle ring as I pushed opened the door. The door creaked as I pushed it shut behind me and I was immediately assaulted by a plume of dust. I coughed, waving my hand in front of me. This little old used book store was really just that…little and old and crammed full of shelves packed tight with used books. The shop's owner Eleanor, who was just as little and as old as the store itself, greeted me warmly. She hobbled towards me, crippled by a hunched back, firmly gripping her cane. I bent down and kissed her cheek.

"How are you, dear?" She whispered with a slight shake to her voice. I pulled away and smiled warmly at her, reaching out to take her free hand in mine. I gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Doing well, actually," I said, surprising myself because despite everything I actually did feel…_well_. I smiled to myself. The last week had been hell. Emotionally I'd been all over the board, a ticking time bomb of sorts. However amidst all the confusion, grappling with long buried memories and feelings, and struggling to figure out just how it was I was going to survive Edward's absence, a certain sense of serenity had quietly suffused my soul. And I hadn't recognized it… until now. In that very moment, despite everything, I felt well, and I realized it was all due to Edward. Even in his absence he filled me completely.

"You have that look, Bella," Eleanor said while wagging her finger in my face. "What is it you're not telling me?" She asked, curiously. I sighed, shaking my head.

"It's complicated, Eleanor," I answered carefully. Eleanor studied my face closely, watching me as I watched her.

"You're in love," she said quietly a few moments later, a knowing smile spreading across her face. I blushed, giving myself away without so much as uttering a single syllable.

"You'll bring him to meet me soon?" Eleanor asked hopefully, and I nodded. Eleanor was a very discreet woman. She would never pry, never ask me anything at all about Edward, but would absolutely rejoice in meeting him. I would rejoice in that too. I'd known Eleanor since I moved to New York. I stopped by her little book store often, sometimes taking her out for an early dinner. I liked to keep her company as she was all alone now. Her husband had passed away many years ago.

"Real soon," I promised her, and she smiled at me.

Eleanor helped me locate a copy of _Atlas Shrugged_ for Edward and a couple of biographies of musicians for me before I paid for my purchases, bid farewell to her and exited the store. Johann was impatient to head home, and so was I. Night was drawing nigh. The sun had all but set and I watched as the muffled grey of the sky faded quickly to dark. We set a brisk pace home and arrived in under a half hour. I felt better having spent the afternoon out of the apartment, refreshed even. And I was hopeful, ever so hopeful that when I walked through my door that I would be okay. That the fact that Edward wasn't there waiting for me wouldn't cause me to unravel. I was hopeful, yes, but even more naive. Because it did hit me and it hit me hard.

When I walked through the door to my apartment it was as if Edward had never left. The scent of him hung thick in the air. My eyes scanned the apartment, instinctively searching for him even though I knew he wasn't there. His presence so dominated the tiny space that it seemed impossible that he wouldn't saunter out of the bedroom and into the living room to greet me, all the while flashing me his disarmingly handsome smile. It seemed impossible that he wouldn't, but it was impossible that he would, and that knowledge knocked me down from my high. I might have felt well earlier, but I felt nothing of the sort now. I dropped my messenger bag to the floor and reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone. Hands shaking, I called Alice. She picked up on the first ring.

"I was wondering when you were going to call," she said casually. Just hearing her voice soothed me. She wasn't Edward, but she was most definitely the next best thing.

"Can you come over?" I asked meekly.

"I'm standing right outside your front door," she laughed. I laughed too, and it was welcomed because I was just about to cry. I swung around from where I was standing and threw open the front door. And there she was, standing there, waiting to comfort me like she always did.

"Having a tough time of it, kiddo?" She teased, pulling me to her and giving me a quick squeeze before breezing past me into the apartment.

"How do you always know?" I mused, shaking my head. Alice chuckled. "I'm omnipotent, remember?" And I laughed lightly, though it fast faded into a deep sigh.

"Can you call him?" Alice asked gently, reaching out and touching the tips of her fingers softly to my arm. I shook my head no.

"He's somewhere over the Atlantic right now," I said sadly.

"Missing you as much as you miss him, I'm sure," she soothed before walking

over to my wall of CDs. Alice spent very little time thumbing through them. She found what she was looking for almost immediately.

"Alice," I warned, giving her a very stern look.

"Please, Bella, as if I'd even think of playing that right now. Go get changed into something more comfortable and then meet me back here. I'm sending you to your happy place," she teased.

I heard the music start to play in the living room before I even left my bedroom. I listened to it as I changed into something more comfortable, something warm and soft and familiar - Edward's sweat pants and t-shirt. I realized as I was standing there that I'd never worn anything of his before and couldn't for the life of me figure out why. The minute I slipped his shirt past my face, I smelled him. It was at once intoxicating. I inhaled deeply, allowing his scent to cloud my senses before I left my room.

As I trudged out into the living room I glanced at the clock. It would be a few hours yet before Edward landed and before I could hear his voice again. In the mean time I'd go to my happy place, and Alice knew just how to get me there. I walked over to the couch and lay down, draping my right arm across my eyes. The music was playing softly, loud enough for me to hear but not so loud that I couldn't hear Alice working in the kitchen. I assumed she was making us some sort of dinner. It was that time of night. I let my eyes drift closed, concentrating on the music, on going to my happy place.

Alice had selected _Et resurrexit _from Bach's _Mass in B Minor_, by far one of the world's greatest classical achievements, for me to listen to. _Et resurrexit_, literally translated _As He Rose_, is Bach's musical interpretation of Christ's resurrection as written in the Credo text. Written for five part chorus, the piece immediately strikes a chord with the listener as the chorus rejoices in Christ rising from the dead. To truly appreciate the tone of the piece however, one really has to have listened to the piece that precedes _Et resurrexit_, a piece entitled _Crucifixus_ which is Bach's representation of the crucifixion. The juxtaposition of the two pieces is striking, from the haunting and reflective _Crucifixus _to the upbeat and powerful _Et resurrexit_, one can't help but exalt in Christ's resurrection in _Et resurrexit_. It had always been one of those rare pieces that filled me with immeasurable joy.

Alice knew. She knew how to soothe me.

"I hope to have the opportunity to see the _Mass_ performed live one day," I thought out loud from my position on the couch.

"I imagine it would be beautiful," Alice called to me from the kitchen.

I'd never seen the _Mass_ performed in its entirety. It was a rare occasion that it was performed as such. My mother had had the opportunity to see it performed live once, and I remembered her describing her experience to me in great detail, particularly how powerful the transition between the performances of the _Crucifixus_ and _Et resurrexit _was. From the final moments of the _Crucifixus_, where after being taken on a poignant journey the piece finally, quietly achieves musical resolution, to the opening chorus of _Et resurrexit_, where the choir sings out at full volume exalting in Christ's resurrection - very few experiences in life had effected her as much as this one simple transition between two pieces of music had, she'd told me. And I had wanted to see it performed live ever since. I hadn't, though, because I was worried. I was worried about how I would handle the experience of listening to the _Crucifixus _in a public setting. It evoked reactions quite similar to _The Passion _in me, all involuntary and deeply felt.

Alice sashayed out of the kitchen with a plate of food in either hand. Whatever it was it smelled delicious and the aroma was enough to break me from my reverie. My stomach growled as I sat up, reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. Alice placed the plates, piled high with pasta and meat sauce, on the coffee table and crawled up onto the sofa next to me. She sat Indian style, facing me.

"How are you?" She asked quietly, looking right at me. I shrugged.

"Fine, I guess," I said. I was a lot of things at that moment, hungry being the main thing, but emotionally I was all over the board.

"No…" Alice hesitated slightly before continuing. "I mean, _how are you_…really?" She held my gaze and I understood. She wasn't talking about Edward.

"It's been hard," I answered her honestly. "I've been having a lot of nightmares." Alice nodded her heard slowly. She knew about the nightmares, had spent countless nights in bed with me holding me close to her, trying to soothe me, because of the nightmares. That was in the beginning. I was obviously much better now, but there were still times when I struggled with them, most notably after talking about what had happened.

'It's very overwhelming for me," I continued, trying to describe to Alice exactly how it was I was feeling, though it was extraordinarily difficult for me to do. "It's like suddenly, by allowing Edward in, he's cracked my shell and I've lost all control. Everything I've held back all these years is spilling forth, begging to be set free," I said. Alice nodded slowly. I could see she understood exactly what it was I was saying to her.

"It terrifies me, Alice. One moment I feel desperately sad, the next moment I'm so angry I physically shake." I paused for a moment before continuing. "The guilt is the worst," I whispered, looking down at my hands. I felt Alice reach out and take my left hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. I reached up with my free hand and wiped a tear from my cheek. Alice and I sat quietly on the couch, neither one of us saying anything. I took a moment to regain my composure before continuing.

"And then there is Edward," I sighed, thinking of him. "The feelings I have for him are so intense, Alice," I said, looking back up at her. "And it's just very confusing for me to try and sort through everything, to try and sort through so many conflicting feelings. I'm trying…but it's difficult." Alice held my gaze, nodding slowly. I could hear her as she swallowed, could see her eyes narrow as she quietly studied me.

"Bella…" she began slowly. Alice pulled her hand from mine, resting it on my knee. "Do you think that maybe it's time you talk to someone about all of this?" I cocked my head to the side, a curious expression crossing over my face. This comment was fully unexpected.

"Why would I do that when I have you?" I laughed nervously. I meant to tease, to lighten the suddenly tense mood that had settled between us, but Alice just stared at me, a very somber expression on her face.

"Bella, I can't continue to be that person for you," she said gently, and her words were so unexpected, so shocking, that without my even realizing it the tears started to fall. I looked at Alice, bewildered and hurt. Her face instantly fell and I could see that she regretted what she had said.

"Bella please don't cry," she soothed, grabbing at my hand. I resisted her touch but she held firm to me, refusing to let go. "I'm just worried about you," she said sincerely. "And I worry…I worry…"

"What? You worry about what, Alice?" I asked, feeling the anger brewing. I was on the defensive now and I hated it. I hated feeling like I had to defend myself against Alice.

"I worry that maybe I've been doing you a grave disservice all these years by not encouraging you to deal with what happened," she blurted out of nowhere. Her eyes were near frantic now. "I feel like…like I've enabled you," she continued, and I stared at her in disbelief.

"Enabled me? Are you kidding me? I'm not a drug addict, Alice," I spat, fighting hard not to yell. I was angry, very angry now. I yanked my hand from hers.

"I didn't mean it like that, Bella," Alice said firmly, refusing to back down.

"Then what exactly did you mean?" I wailed, "Because I'm having a hard time figuring out how we went from having a casual conversation about how I've been feeling…to…to this!" I motioned my right hand between the two of us.

"I feel like this is partly my fault," she confessed, visibly upset now. "I feel like all this time I should have been encouraging you to get help!" She said, the words spilling forth from her mouth. "But I convinced myself that you were really fine and now, almost nine years later, it's clear to me you're still suffering. Only now there's more at stake." Alice whispered the last words in a rueful hush.

"Edward," I whispered back, immediately getting her point. Alice stared at me for a moment before slowly nodding her head. I swallowed hard, letting go of Alice's hand and turning to face away from her.

"You're angry with me," she sighed, hanging her head.

"I am, Alice," I said, reaching up to wipe at my tears. "Edward left today. I'm an emotional wreck and now you're sitting here telling me I can't lean on you anymore. It feels like a slap in the face."

"I'm sorry. This hasn't gone the way I'd hoped," Alice whispered, a defeated sigh escaping her. "I love you, Bella," she said quietly while looking up at me, and I had no choice but to turn back towards her. I smiled a small, wistful smile. "I know that you know that," she continued. "And I will always be there for you, no matter what. I'm just worried that everything is going to come crashing down on you and you're not going to be able to deal with it on your own."

"Jesus, Alice. You make it sound like I'm teetering on the edge of insanity here." I understood that Alice was concerned for me, but her concern was somewhat exaggerated, I felt. "I'm not. Yes, it's all very overwhelming, but I can handle this. As long as I know I have you and Edward there with me, I really think I can handle this. Please don't turn me away," I added quickly, quietly, at the end.

'I would never, Bella. I would never," Alice said reaching out and pulling me into a hug. She held me to her firmly, our heads resting on each other's shoulders.

"I just want so much for you to be happy, Bella." I could hear Alice's voice crack as she spoke and my tears fell anew. "You have no idea what your happiness means to me." I gripped Alice tightly. I wanted her to know just how much I loved her, just how much her friendship truly meant to me and just how much I appreciated the fact that she had been there for me, supporting me, through everything. Presently, Alice pulled away.

"Just promise me something," she said, looking me squarely in the eye. "Promise me that if it all gets to be too much, you'll tell me. You'll tell Edward, too." I thought about this for a moment before nodding. Alice smiled at me, laughing lightly as she reached up to dab at her eyes with the tips of her fingers. We both laughed at ourselves then. Leave it to the two of us to end up in tears on the couch. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and I was certain it wouldn't be the last.

"Let's eat," I said, eying my plate hungrily. My stomach growled again. "I'm famished!" Alice laughed at me.

"I can see that!"

I reached out and pulled the coffee table forward, greatly reducing the risk that either Alice or I would drop a forkful of spaghetti onto the floor, before sinking my fork into the pasta and expertly winding it into a small ball. I slipped it into my mouth and moaned.

"This sauce is fantastic, Alice," I exclaimed.

"Thanks," she laughed. "I pulled it out of your freezer." I laughed, too. I knew it was my sauce. Alice didn't have near enough time to prepare this sauce, and while Alice may have been known for many things, cooking was not one of them.

"I'm so thankful that you can talk to Edward about everything, Bella," Alice mused as she munched on some garlic toast. "I'm so thankful he understands," she added, "although I never doubted he would."

"He's been beyond supportive," I agreed.

"Have you told him _everything_?" Alice asked me a little while later, placing firm emphasis on the word everything. I had finished eating my food and was leaning back against the cushions now, feeling very sleepy.

"Most everything," I mumbled. Alice looked over at me, smiling lightly.

"All finished?" She asked, and I nodded my head. Alice gathered up the dishes and took them to the kitchen. I glanced up at the clock on the wall. It would be a few hours yet before I could talk to Edward. Taking a nap seemed like a really good idea. I reached for the controller to the stereo and turned the music back up before letting my eyes flutter closed. I could feel my whole body relaxing, preparing to give itself over to sleep. I hoped it would be a restful sleep but I also hoped that Alice would hang around just in case it wasn't.

"Did you tell him about Xavier?"

Alice called to me from the kitchen, her question registering with me immediately. My eyes were once again open, staring pointedly at her.

'What's the point," I said coolly. "It's irrelevant, really." Alice looked out at me from where she was washing our dishes in the sink.

"You're right," she said. "It is irrelevant, which is why I don't understand why you'd choose to lie to him about it." I sat up straight on the couch then, again finding myself angry with Alice and very much annoyed because of it.

"I haven't lied about anything, Alice," I defended myself. "I just…I'm just not ready to talk about that. Jesus, Alice, it took everything I had just to tell him about the accident," I said, shaking my head. I was visibly upset again and Alice frowned.

"All right, Bella. I understand. It's enough for you for now. I just don't think you should keep secrets. Nothing good ever comes from keeping secrets." I stared at Alice and she stared right back at me. She just had to make this one last point, because she knew that _I knew_ she was right. But there was an appropriate time and an appropriate place for everything and I knew that I needed more time to try and sort through everything I was feeling before muddying the waters any further. I lay back down on the couch, falling quickly into a deep, deep sleep.

When I awoke the apartment lay still, encased in darkness. Alice was nowhere in sight. I gathered she'd left after I'd fallen asleep. I glanced at the clock on the wall while rubbing my eyes. It was after midnight. I'd been asleep for hours. I sat up on the couch, stretching. I was fully awake now and fully aware of the fact that I was alone. Edward was gone. Alice was gone. It was just me…well, me and Johann anyway. I did derive a small amount of comfort from the giant furry form curled snug in a ball at my feet, but he wasn't Alice and he most certainly wasn't Edward. I could feel my breath hitch in my throat as I considered the fact that I was very much alone and had to close my eyes to try and remember to take deep breaths. I invoked an image of Alice warning me to _breathe_. "Breathe, Bella," she'd always say when I was starting to panic. I took three slow, deep breaths before opening my eyes again and quickly running through numbers in my head. Edward would be arriving in London at 8:10 in the morning local time, which meant the time here in New York would be 3:10 in the morning. I sighed. I wasn't sure I could manage to stay awake for another three hours, but I would try.

I stood up and wandered over to my cello. I picked it up and propped it between my legs, choosing not to bother with my music stand. I didn't really feel like practicing Bach, or Haydn or Schubert. I had something else in mind this evening. I set to work immediately, trying to sort out the melody that had taken hold in my head these last few weeks. I hadn't bothered with it before now. I spent most of my free time with Edward, which meant that I had little time to tinker with unnamed melodies when I practiced.

I still managed to play my cello five hours a day, every day of the week, but that time was dedicated to practicing my orchestral, trio and solo pieces. The orchestra would be performing their semi-annual concert in early December and I would be performing as the soloist in Haydn's cello concerto. Two weeks later I would be playing Bach's sixth cello suite for my senior review. And somewhere in there – I couldn't remember the exact date, Jasper, Jake and I would be performing Schubert for the Manhattan Chamber Music Society's Annual High Tea event. Given all this, I was focused when I practiced my cello, having little time to spend indulging my creative side. But there was this melody I just couldn't seem to let go, a melody that lingered in my thoughts during the day and filtered through into my dreams at night. And as I began to run the bow across the strings I realized why.

It was Edward. It was all Edward.

I didn't think about much else other than Edward as I played late into the night. I allowed my feelings for Edward to guide me as I worked through the music. But really, it was hardly any work at all. Everything flowed naturally, just falling into place, much like my relationship with Edward, I mused, and by three a.m., when my phone buzzed on the coffee table, I was ready to notate my music on paper. Of course there were more pressing matters that needed to be attended to now. I laid my cello down by my side and lunged for the coffee table, startling Johann and knocking over my drink of water in the process. "Smooth move, Swan," I muttered to myself. I was such an insufferable klutz! When I grabbed my phone I saw there was a message waiting from Edward.

_I've finally landed. It's late there and you're probably sleeping. I won't call. Just wanted you to know that I love you and miss you terribly, already. Sweet Dreams. E _

And just like that, I melted. I could feel my hand trembling, could feel tears of relief welling up in my eyes. I hadn't realized just how much I missed Edward until now, until I was able to reconnect with him. I debated calling him but decided to text him back instead. He'd know I was crying if he heard my voice and I didn't want him to worry.

_Can't sleep. I miss you. It's been less than 24 hours and already I feel like I can't breathe. B_

I texted him back almost immediately.

_ 12 hours, 10 minutes and counting. I miss you, too._

Had it really been that long already? Half a day had already passed. Only six and a half days to go. But it felt like forever.

_ I'm going to see you again, right? Reassure me, E. Please._

I was suddenly gripped with an overwhelming need to know he was coming back, to know he was coming home to me.

_ Yes. Yes. Yes._

I breathed a deep sigh of relief.

_ It won't be soon enough. _

I wanted him with me now, needed him with me now.

_ For me either. Sleep now. It's late. You're going to be destroyed tomorrow._

He was right. I would be miserable come morning but that meant little to me in that moment.

_ No matter. I wanted to talk to you. I love you._

I waited for Edward to buzz me back to tell me that he loved me too, but the phone rang instead. My heart skipped a beat, anxiously anticipating the moment in which I would hear his voice. I accepted the call and brought the phone to my ear.

"I love you, too. Sweet dreams, Bella," he whispered softly into the phone before I ever even had the chance to say hello. I smiled to myself. Now that I knew Edward was safe, now that I'd been able to hear his voice, my body was finally beginning to relax. The events of the day were catching up with me and I could feel it as sleep claimed my weary body. I felt myself sinking back into the cushions of the couch. I lay down, pulling the afghan with me, all the while listening to the steady rhythm of Edward's breathing as he slowly inhaled and exhaled into the phone.

"I'm not sure I can sleep without you," I murmured sleepily into the phone, though I knew sleep would claim me, regardless. Edward chuckled softly.

"Would it help if I hummed to you?" He wondered aloud.

"Mmm hmm," I managed to say. With my eyes closed and the phone pressed tight to my ear, I could almost convince myself that Edward was actually there with me, arms wrapped round me, whispering into my ear. I listened as the soft melody filtered through the phone, the gentle cadence of Edward's voice as he hummed to me lulling me to sleep.

"I love you," I whispered softly as sleep finally claimed me. And the last thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep was the sound of Edward humming his beautiful melody to me.

I awoke with a start a little after eight the following morning. I had a mid morning class on Monday which I had to attend. It was an independent study course, a group of ten of us having chosen to take a semester to perform an in-depth study of French composer and theoretician Jean Philippe Rameau's _Treatise on Harmony_. It was a grueling undertaking, with the marriage of mathematics and music never having been clearer to me than it was after studying the _Treatise_. Lately I'd been reading excerpts of the _Treatise_ to Edward. It worked wonders at putting him to sleep.

The _Treatise_ aside, Edward thoroughly enjoyed discussing my schoolwork with me. He often assisted me with my compositions and I was teaching him how to conduct an orchestra, as well. He loved to conduct, said that it allowed him to connect with the music on an entirely different level than when he simply played. I understood exactly how he felt. As a musician in an orchestra, while I was always aware of the other players, I focused primarily on my own performance. Despite the fact that I was playing in an ensemble, it was still a very intimate experience for me. But it was entirely different when one conducted.

When one conducts, one has to be keenly aware of every section of the orchestra as its own entity as well as of the orchestra as a whole. As a conductor, you are responsible for ensuring the entry of each individual section of the orchestra as well as for keeping a steady beat. But conducting is so much more than that. As a conductor, you are ultimately responsible for interpreting the composer's music. It's a tall order, one most people find very difficult to fulfill. Edward had taken to it naturally though, but that didn't surprise me. He felt music much like I did, not as an extension of, but rather as an integral part of his being.

By the time I made it to class that morning, Edward had already completed three separate interviews with local media in London and was headed off to his hotel for a quick shower before being ushered off to more interviews. These interviews would be followed by a dinner event with Daniella Martinez and Johnathon Saunders, the very eccentric director of the first two films in the trilogy. Another press event would immediately follow dinner. I'd spoken with Edward before leaving for class, urging him to try and get a little rest before the evening's events. They had him scheduled so tightly and he already sounded so tired. When I hung up with Edward, my thoughts lingered on Daniella Martinez.

I truthfully hadn't given much thought to the fact that Edward would be spending the next week in the company of Daniella, until now. I didn't want for it to bother me, but it did. I remembered clearly the connection they'd seemed to share in the photo in the magazine I'd bought in the supermarket, months back. Once again, I cursed myself for ever having purchased that tabloid because now I had a mental image of Daniella standing by Edward's side, his arm draped affectionately around her waist, the both of them smiling brightly for the cameras.

"And that's all it is, Bella," I scolded myself sharply. "It's a media display," I reasoned.

"What's that?" I jumped as Jasper jogged over to my side, punching me lightly on my arm in greeting. "You're talking to yourself again, Bells," Jasper teased.

"Was I?" I laughed aloud, having not even realized I was vocalizing my internal discourse.

"Uh huh. You mumbled something about a media display."

I sighed, rolling my eyes at myself. I'd need to keep things in check so as not to embarrass myself any more.

"Are you ready for this?" Jasper asked, feigning trepidation as he held the door to the classroom open for me. I laughed. If we all managed to survive picking apart the _Treatise_ it would be a cause for a great celebration.

Two and a half hours later, after having meticulously reviewed books one and two of the _Treatise_ covering harmonic ratios and chords, respectfully, Jasper and I emerged from the classroom. I was starving and Jasper suggested we go off campus for lunch, which was just fine with me. After having picked apart the relationship between harmonic ratios and proportions as well as having studied the nature and properties of chords, I was ready for a complete break from my academic studies. Besides, I didn't have any other obligations on campus until later in the afternoon and I planned on practicing the cello that evening at home. I placed a quick call to Edward while Jasper conversed with another student from our class but it went immediately to voice mail. I figured he would be heading to the next press event right about now so I didn't bother trying to call back. Instead, I left him a message telling him that I loved him and asking him to call me when he had a chance. I felt Jasper tugging on my arm to catch my attention and we headed across campus towards the metro.

"Did you ask Alice to join us?" I asked as we descended the stairs into the metro. Jasper shook his head.

"She wasn't feeling well this morning."

"That's curious," I replied, furrowing my brow. "She seemed fine yesterday evening. God I hope she doesn't get what I had a few weeks ago. That was awful."

"Nah," Jasper shook his head again. "It's nothing like that. She said she was just tired, though she did look a little pale to me. I just talked with her and she said she's declaring a day of rest. She's situated herself in bed with the latest fashion magazines," he chuckled. I laughed, too. That was so Alice.

"So…" Jasper started as we took two seats side by side in the metro car. Jasper sat slouched in his seat, his legs spread comfortably out in front of him. His head was slightly hung and he was fiddling with his iPod which rested in his lap. "How are you?" He asked hesitantly. It was obvious that he was genuinely concerned about me, but I couldn't help but laugh at his seriousness.

"I'm fine, Jasper," I said, shaking my head. Jasper glanced up at me, shooting me a shy smile. "I'm not that emotionally fragile, you know," I added a little bit defensively. Jasper met my gaze and nodded his head ever so slightly up and down.

"I know," he whispered. "I also know you're dealing with a lot right now. I just wanted you to know that Alice isn't the only one that's thinking of you. I hope you know by now that if you ever need anything…to talk…or just hang out and try and forget things for awhile…I'm here for you. That's all." I studied Jasper intently for a moment, slowly nodding my head. He was such a gentle soul, similar to Edward in so many ways. No matter what my mood, I always felt an incredible sense of calm when I was with Jasper. I was so thankful to have him in my life, even if there was a part of me that kept him at arm's length.

As we exited the metro I noted an averaged height girl with long flowing blonde locks secured by a thin brown headband standing off to the side. She'd shared the same metro car as Jasper and me, though I hadn't been fully aware of her presence until we all stepped from the car and ascended the stairs into the street. She shot a curious glance in our direction, immediately looking away when I noticed her staring. She was young, looked to be about my age, and pretty in an average sort of way. Much like myself, I thought. She brushed past us, never looking back, but I was certain she'd taken more than a passing interest in us. I wasn't sure why I felt this way. I just did.

Jasper and I made our way into a little Jewish Deli. I ordered my standard fare, latkes with heaping portions of applesauce and sour cream, while Jasper ordered a corned beef on rye sandwich, the size of which always astounded me. The sandwich was piled high with freshly shaven corned beef tucked between two pieces of freshly baked rye bread. It looked delicious, but I couldn't' fathom how I could fit my mouth around the sandwich to take a bite so I always ordered the latkes.

Jasper and I passed an hour eating our lunches and chatting casually with one another about the _Treatise_, among other things. Jasper lamented the fact that Jake wasn't around as much and I immediately felt a twinge of guilt. Thus far, Jake and I hadn't discussed the events of that evening, weeks in the past. We had continued to see one another in our one shared class as well as in orchestra and string trio practice, but our relationship had turned very sterile, for lack of a better word. We were the consummate professionals, refusing to allow a personal rift to interfere with our work as musicians, but we were nothing more than that anymore and it did make me feel a little sad.

Jasper left to check on Alice soon after we shared a ridiculously decadent pastry and I was just collecting my things to get ready to return to campus when I saw her again. She was standing just inside the door to the deli, staring at me, a very curious smile tugging at her lips. I glanced in her direction, smiling a small smile in an attempt to be polite, but her presence was making me nervous. I had no idea who this girl was but it was clear that she knew me.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I heard her address me in a very formal manner and she immediately had my attention. "Little girl lost," she added as she made her way over to where I still sat. I froze, unable to say or do anything in that moment except stare. And I could feel it as it washed over me. It was an emotion I was well acquainted with and that I recognized instantly. Panic.

"That's what they called you, isn't it?" She pondered out loud in a hushed voice. As if she'd need any confirmation. She knew exactly who I was and all about my past, of that much I was certain. She held out her hand to me as she approached the table but I refused to extend her my own. Whoever this girl was, I could see that she wasn't here as a friend.

"I'm Jessica…" she said, her smile dripping with insincerity. "Jessica Stanley." She paused for a moment, studying me carefully before withdrawing her hand and pulling out a chair to sit down.

"How do you know who I am?" I asked point blank. I didn't know who this girl was but I wasn't in the mood to play games. Jessica returned my pointed stare before reaching into her bag and withdrawing a pencil and a pad of paper, making sure to take her time. She placed both on the table before looking back up at me and smiling.

"Don't play dumb, Bella," Jessica said sharply. I shivered as I realized this girl even knew my nickname. "You're dating Edward Cullen. Sooner or later everyone is going to know who you are, whether you like it or not." I gulped, though I tried hard to make sure Jessica didn't notice. My hands were clasped tightly together in my lap. I was nervous as hell, but I couldn't let Jessica see this.

"What is it you want from me?" I asked, trying hard to hold her stare. I didn't want to back down, didn't want to let her get the upper hand here, but I wasn't sure what she wanted. I'd been totally unprepared for this. Up until now, Edward and I hadn't been bothered by the press at all. And though she hadn't said as much, I was quite certain this girl worked for some media outlet. Jessica smiled lightly at me, picking up her pencil and tapping it lightly on the table.

"I want the story," she said very simply.

"There's really no story to tell," I said evenly, hoping I could lie my way out of this.

'Oh?" Jessica asked, raising her eyebrows in a very dramatic fashion. She reached back down into her bag and withdrew a set of photos. She threw them on the table in front of me and I gasped. There, lying right before me in plain sight were pictures of Edward coming and going from my apartment building, pictures of us driving through the streets of New York in his Aston Martin…and pictures of the two of us standing together inside of Babies R Us. I took a deep breath, trying hard to come up with a reasonable explanation for the photos that lay in front of me, but I couldn't. And I was suddenly extremely pissed off. Edward and I weren't doing anything wrong! There was no reason for me to feel like I had to defend my relationship with Edward! There was no reason I should have to talk to this stranger about Edward!

"So you have pictures of Edward and me," I said, shrugging, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. "He's a friend." Jessica shook her head slowly.

"Yes, a friend. A rather intimate friend," she added, pulling another photograph from her bag. This one was of Edward and I embracing in Babies R Us, our foreheads pressed together. I picked up the photo and stared at it, knowing full well the story it told. Edward and I were two people deeply in love. It was completely obvious. There could be no denying it. And then I wondered to myself. Should we really continue to hide? Or perhaps the more pertinent question was COULD we really continue to hide? I didn't want to weave a web of lies. Edward and I were together and sooner or later this fact was going to come out. But I'd be damned if it was going to come out now.

"Is this all?" I asked, making to get up from my seat, "because if there's nothing else, I really have to be going."

"I'll print the pictures, Bella," Jessica said in a vaguely threatening tone of voice. I shrugged, reaching down and picking up my bag.

"Edward and I have nothing to hide," I said, feeling suddenly confident.

"I'll print the pictures…and the story," Jessica threatened again, and I felt my body go rigid with stress.

"What story?" I seethed, turning to face her. "There is no story. I've given you no story to tell."

"Your story alone is enough to garner national attention, Bella, especially if published alongside a particularly intimate photo of you and Edward two weeks before the premiere of his new film," Jessica said pointedly, and she had my attention. "Little girl, lost," she mused aloud, tapping her pencil on the table. "Such a sad story, Bella. I'm really terribly sorry about what happened to you. You were so young to have to live through such a monumental tragedy. It nearly drove you to the brink of insanity, didn't it? It was all too much to handle so you were sent away for psychiatric treatment. I realize that none of it was your fault, but really, how do you think it would look if a story were published that not only confirmed the romance between you and Edward Cullen but also exposed your pitiable past…two weeks before the premiere of _By the Light of the Moon_? It wouldn't look good, Bella. I can assure you, it wouldn't look good."

I wanted to say something, to say anything to defend myself and Edward, but I just stood there, stunned by what Jessica was suggesting she would do. My head was spinning and I was beginning to feel dizzy. I felt trapped, and it was clear that Jessica had me between a rock and a hard place. I had no where to turn. I could feel tiny beads of perspiration forming at my hairline.

"What exactly are you proposing, Jessica," I asked, wanting her to get directly to the point and knowing full well I wouldn't like what she had to say.

"I propose that you give me a few exclusive details about your relationship with Edward. I'll print a very nice and sweet story about the two of you along with a stock photo of the two of you at the gala event. He'll appear as a prince, and you a young princess swept off of your feet. I promise you, it will be all sunshine and roses."

"And if I refuse?"

"I'll print your full story, Bella, the good, the bad and the ugly. I'll leave no stone unturned. Your entire past will be plastered all over the pages of my magazine. I can guarantee you it won't be pretty. And it most definitely won't look good for Edward. Oh yes. And the picture? I'll print the picture of the two of you in Babies R Us and let the readers decide just what it was the two of you were doing in the store that evening." I hung my head, shaking it slowly back and forth.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked quietly. Jessica shrugged.

"It's called journalism, Bella."

"No, it's called blackmail," I seethed. "You're blackmailing me with my past, with something I have absolutely no control over."

"I know. It's a pity, isn't it?" Jessica smiled lightly at me and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to lunge at her and knock her to the floor. I was absolutely disgusted by her and her behavior. I'd always known the tabloids sunk to low levels to get their stories but this was beyond pathetic. And sadly enough, it was my _pathetic_ past, as Jessica had so aptly described it that was now threatening to smear Edward's public image, two weeks before the much anticipated premiere of _By the Light of the Moon _none the less. And I knew in that moment I had no other choice. I couldn't let the media shift its focus from the premiere of his film to that of his broken girlfriend. The studio would be livid, and Melinda – who I already felt was encouraging Edward to break things off with me anyway - would be, too.

"We met on a red-eye flight from L.A. to New York…"

It was a long afternoon and an even longer evening. After I finished talking with Jessica I returned to campus. My cello professor ended up asking me to stay late to go over the Haydn concerto with her. Our winter performance was fast approaching and there were still some passages I was having some difficulty with. We worked out some different fingering for two of the passages and though I was exhausted from practice, it had been extremely productive. Even after all these years I was still learning to master my instrument. I tried calling Edward on my way home from school but he still wasn't answering his phone. I cursed, quickly typing out a text and hoping he might respond to it, but he didn't.

I hadn't spoken with Edward since my conversation with Jessica earlier in the afternoon and I knew it was imperative that I do so sooner rather than later. I'd all but confirmed to the tabloids that Edward and I were dating. I'd given Jessica the details she wanted while at the same time trying to be as vague as possible. I told her how Edward and I had met and that we shared a joint passion for music. I went on to say that we'd been spending time together while he filmed his current movie here in New York and that we enjoyed each other's company but that ultimately he would be leaving New York in January and I would remain behind to finish my studies at Julliard. I tried to play our relationship off as good friends but Jessica knew better. I wasn't exactly sure what spin she would place on her story but I guessed it didn't really matter. All that mattered was that it was devoid of any information about my past.

I wasn't naïve. I didn't think for one minute that my past wouldn't eventually come to light. It wouldn't take much digging on anyone's part for that to occur. But for now I was hoping that the little bit of information that I'd shared would satisfy the public's curiosity and that they would leave Edward and me alone – at least until after the premiere.

It was after eight when I finally returned home, throwing open the door to my apartment and flicking on the light switch. Johann greeted me enthusiastically at the door, wagging his tail and licking my hand, and if my mind hadn't of been completely preoccupied I would have taken him for a walk. But all that mattered now was that I speak with Edward. Truthfully, I was starting to become mildly annoyed that he hadn't returned any of my texts or calls. I knew that he had attended dinner and a press event that evening but it was after one in the morning in England now. I picked up my phone and decided to try calling him one last time. If he didn't answer again, I decided I would wait and speak with him in the morning. He was probably asleep in bed, exhausted from the travel and press events, I thought as the phone rang in my ear. So it was that I was mildly surprised, yet thoroughly anxious to talk to Edward, when his line picked up. Only it wasn't Edward that answered the phone, though I instantly recognized the voice of the person that did. It was lush and exotic and heavily accented. And it belonged to Daniella. It belonged to none other than Daniella Martinez.

**Please take the time to review! Thank you!**


	12. Doubt

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to those of you that have taken the time to review! It means everything to me!

Thanks to **skyeblue0610** for acting as my beta on this story!

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for recognizing me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 12 - Doubt**

The line was silent save the quiet whoosh of air as I inhaled sharply.

Daniella Martinez. Her name echoed in my head, clouding my thoughts and making it difficult for me to think clearly. I hadn't really expected Edward to answer his phone; I was certain he was in bed, asleep. But never did I even consider the possibility that _Daniella_ would answer his phone, and I was wholly unprepared for the rush of jealousy and anger that passed through me at the sound of her voice.

Daniella and Edward were good friends. At least that's what Edward had told me. We'd never really spoken in detail about his relationship with Daniella. I knew that she called from time to time, and that Edward was always very friendly with her when she did. But it was nothing that ever made me think twice about their relationship. Besides, I trusted Edward. He'd never given me any reason to doubt him. Yet here I stood, doubting Edward for the very first time, and I hated it. I hated feeling like I couldn't trust him. Even more, I hated the fear of losing him that suddenly occupied my thoughts.

Daniella and Edward met on the set of the first film of the werewolf trilogy, _Deep in the Woods_. Edward told me that they had hit it off immediately. Daniella was Columbian born, having an American mother and a Columbian father, and held that rare type of mesmerizing beauty where one could not help but just stare. She and Edward had bonded as a result of their overnight fame and Edward had me that they spent a lot of time together outside of the movie sets - until Edward had come to New York, that is.

There was a lot of media speculation as to whether or not Daniella and Edward were actually a couple. There was obvious onscreen chemistry between the two of them and obvious off screen affection. And there seemed to be this public fascination with the idea that the two of them embodied their onscreen characters of Alexander and Sophia. It was ridiculous, really, and Edward had mentioned in passing that all the speculation as to the status of their relationship was at times very overwhelming. However, despite the pressure to be something they simply were not, Edward and Daniella remained close friends, leaning on each other for support as they tried to muddle their way through instant fame. This was Edward's relationship with Daniella as he'd described it to me, anyway.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" I heard Daniella speak into the phone again. She sounded mildly irritated.

I had absolutely no reason to be nervous, absolutely no reason whatsoever to stutter when I finally garnered the courage to ask to speak to Edward. But I _did_ stutter because I _was_ nervous, and I was hurt and confused and trying my best to figure out why in the hell Daniella Martinez was answering Edward's phone at one o'clock in the morning.

"Ah…yes…is…ah…is Edward there?" I inquired quietly.

I wanted to be that girl that confidently demanded to speak to her boyfriend despite the fact that another woman had just answered his phone, but that just wasn't me. Place me on a stage and ask me to perform solo in front of thousands of people, and I didn't think twice. Ask me to be assertive when another girl answered Edward's…my boyfriend's…phone, no chance. There was a long pause on the line before Daniella spoke again.

"Yes...yes…he is, only he's otherwise engaged at the moment. May I ask who is calling?"

Until now, I'd never spoken to Daniella and I had absolutely no reason not to trust that she and Edward were just as Edward had described - good friends. But in that moment, though I couldn't quite determine why, I was suddenly very wary of her, particularly of sharing any information with her. It went against my better judgment to even tell her my name. Nevertheless, I did. And it was the strangest thing. She _knew_ who I was, of that I was certain. I'd heard Edward talking to her about me over the phone. But Daniella acted as if she didn't recognize who I was, as if she'd never even heard my name. I expected her to say something, anything other than what she did.

"Well…Bella did you say it was? I'm so sorry but Edward can't come to the phone right now. He's chatting up Maddy Greer."

"Who?" I asked, slightly confused. I had no idea who that was.

"She's a well known British model, of course," Daniella huffed, clearly annoyed with my inquiry.

"Oh," I said quietly, trying hard to hide my disappointment when in reality I was completely devastated. Edward was talking to a British model. I'd called several times throughout the course of the day to speak with him and though he didn't have time to speak to me, he apparently had time to speak to Martha, or Mandy, or whatever the hell her name was.

"Well, if that's all, Bella, I really must be going," Daniella said in a not so friendly tone of voice. "I'll tell Edward you phoned." And with that, she hung up the line. And I was left sitting there on the couch, phone in hand, trying to figure out whether or not to scream or to cry.

I did both. I screamed out of anger and frustration. And I cried…well, I cried for Edward. Because for the first time since I'd started dating him I was suddenly confronted with the stark reality of his profession. Edward met a lot of very beautiful women in his line of work and if I wasn't mistaken, most all of them would be interested in him. They'd be fools not to be. And, while Edward was off on press tours, or filming movies in exotic locations, or doing whatever it is that famous Hollywood actors do, I would be here, alone, in New York City. Suddenly, I was consumed with doubt. I doubted everything.

I considered phoning Edward back, wondering if maybe he'd answer his phone this time around, but decided against it. I still hadn't determined why it was that Daniella had answered his phone in the first place, but I knew that I did not want to talk to _her_ again. Though she didn't say as much, she knew who I was and she'd made it very clear to me how she felt. Daniella might be a "friend" to Edward, but she was certainly no friend to me.

As I sat there alone in the dark, I wondered how it was, that Edward was even friends with Daniella. She was clearly not nice. But why? Why would she act that way toward me? I'd never so much as spoken with her, yet she so obviously disliked me. It was suddenly all too much for me. My head was spinning. Somehow this day had gone to absolute hell. I felt as if the entire world were against me and the one thing…rather the one person who could make it all go away was three thousand miles away, chatting up a model while his supposed friend fielded his phone calls. _Right_. I dragged myself into my bedroom, wanting nothing more than for the day to be over with. And I knew as my head hit the pillow that they would come, that the nightmares would haunt me in my sleep, because when it rains, it pours. And that was just my life.

It was the same dream as always. Edward appeared before me, a luminescent apparition just out of reach. He smiled lovingly at me, extending his left hand forward and beckoning me forth. I smiled back, my body trembling at the sight of this man that I loved so wholly and so deeply. The energy that always seemed to surround us drove me forward towards him. I reached for him, eager to touch him, eager to feel his skin brush against mine…but my hand passed right through him…again…as it always did. Edward's hand fell to his side and he took a step back from me, a bewildered expression on his face. And it was then that I noticed them. They had never before appeared in this particular dream, though I knew their faces better than any other. They were that of my mother and brother, standing off to the side, staring right through me.

I abruptly sat up in bed, breathing heavily. My head was pounding, my ears were ringing and my entire body was coated in a thin film of perspiration. I closed my eyes and gripped my comforter and willed myself to settle down. I took a deep breath and counted to ten before exhaling, repeating the exercise three times before my breathing slowly started to return to normal. It was at this point that I realized that the ringing sound in my ear was actually coming from my phone which lay on my bedside table. I quickly glanced at the clock. It was just after eleven. There was no way it would be Edward. I was quick with the mental calculations now and I knew exactly what time it was in London - it was after four in the morning. Yet when I picked up my phone to see who it was that was calling, it was his name that appeared on the screen. It was Edward. I scrambled to open my phone before it went to voicemail.

"Edward?" I whispered tentatively, my voice shaking ever so slightly.

"Bella, oh thank God you're still awake! I've been losing my mind over here wanting to talk to you!" He said, and he sounded so relieved. I could relate to that. I felt a lot of things at that moment, relieved being the most distinguishable of these feelings, but pissed off was close behind - very close behind.

"What happened, Edward?" I asked a bit more sharply than I had intended to. "I've been trying to call you all day." There was a short silence on the line followed by an obviously tired and bewildered Edward attempting to talk.

"Wh…what?" He stammered, as if confused by what I had just said. "But there weren't any missed…" Edward trailed off for a moment, sighing deeply and mumbling something to himself about terrible cell reception in London before continuing.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I left my phone on the table at dinner and didn't realize I didn't have it with me until I tried to call you on our way to the press conference. It turns out Daniella picked up my phone and slipped it into her purse and forgot about it until now. She just returned it to me." Edward was talking fast, practically tripping over his own words and he stopped to take a deep breath before continuing. "Bella, what's wrong? You sound really upset."

"I am upset, Edward! It's four in the morning in London…where on earth have you been?" I wailed. I realized I was losing it. Somehow I had fallen into that stereotypical role of the wildly jealous and suspicious girlfriend. I always scoffed at such women, thinking it ridiculous just how irrational women could be when it came to men. Yet here I was, completely consumed by jealousy and suspicion, practically yelling at Edward.

"Bella, would you please calm down and let me explain?" Edward made his request with just enough force that I actually complied. "The press event ran late and we were invited to a party afterwards. I wasn't really in a position to decline. Believe me, if it were up to me I would have been back at the hotel and asleep in bed by eleven, but there are certain expectations that I will attend these types of events, and in this case, John personally requested that I come…" Edward's voice trailed off. He sounded exhausted and the better part of me just wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around him, drawing him to me and holding him while he slept. But there was still a part of me that was angry and confused.

Edward had misplaced his phone - again. It wasn't so long ago that he'd done the very same thing. Even though it had been stolen that time the question still remained, why in the hell couldn't Edward manage to keep his phone in his possession? And regardless of whether or not he'd misplaced his phone and Daniella had picked it up, it still didn't explain why Daniella had been so cold towards me – or why she had taken it upon herself to answer Edward's phone.

"I miss you," Edward said sadly as I sat in the middle of my bed ruminating, and it was just too much for me. I reached up to wipe away the tears. "Don't cry," he whispered softly.

"This is hell, Edward," I said through the tears.

"It's far from easy for me either, Bella." He sounded so sincere, and I truly believed he missed me, but I doubted he was suffering as much as I was.

"Did she tell you that I called?" I asked quietly. I was on the fence about mentioning to Edward that Daniella had answered his phone for him, but decided it was more important that I know exactly where she stood. It was clear to me now that Edward had not been intentionally avoiding my calls. I believed him when he told me he'd forgotten his phone at dinner. I trusted him. But I didn't trust Daniella, at all.

"What? Who?"

"Daniella," I said. "I spoke with her earlier. She said you were otherwise occupied with a British model but that she'd tell you that I called."

"What?" Edward roared angrily into the receiver. "She told you I was otherwise occupied with a British model? Why on earth would she say something like that?"

"I don't know Edward, why don't you tell me?" I said rather forcefully, and I cringed at the accusatory tone in my voice, though he seemed to pay it little attention.

"Sometimes she just doesn't think," he said, and I could hear the frustration in his voice, could envision him sitting on his bed, shaking his head back and forth, running his free hand through his hair. I, too, was frustrated, and a little bit shocked that he seemed to be defending her.

"Sometimes she just doesn't think?" I repeated weakly.

"No, she doesn't," he said quietly. "Daniella can sometimes be – for lack of a better word, unaware. She says and does things without thinking about how it may affect others, first. I'm sorry if she upset you, Bella. Believe it or not, she's never had a serious boyfriend. She has no idea what it's like to be separated from the one you love. I'm sure she didn't intend to upset you by what she said. And the model…"

"It's all right, Edward," I interrupted him quietly. "You don't have to explain." He really didn't. Though I was still angry about the fact that Daniella had answered Edward's phone and, regardless of what Edward thought, had tried to bait me into thinking that Edward was _with_ another woman, I was beginning to feel silly for ever having doubted Edward. I could hear it in his voice that he was being truthful with me and I felt ashamed that I'd let myself worry about the one thing in my life that I knew to be absolutely true, the fact that Edward loved me. But I was human after all, and a very emotionally fragile one at that. And I knew that everyone was susceptible to doubt, no matter how certain they were of something, everyone was susceptible to doubt. I was no exception.

"But I want to," he insisted. "Her name is Madeline Greer, and would you believe she's a cellist? She knew who you were, too. She's seen you perform live with the London Philharmonic," he said.

I thought for a moment.

"Summer of 2000, the year before my mother died," I mused quietly to myself. "You told her about me?"

"Of course," he said as if it were the most obvious of things for him to share. "You're all I think about." And just like that, the doubt was gone. Edward missed me and loved me, of that I was certain. It was hard to believe that I had ever thought otherwise. I still didn't know quite what to make of Daniella, but I couldn't try and make sense of that now when there were more pressing issues that needed to be discussed.

"Edward," I said after a moment. 'I need to talk to you about something." I was hesitant when I spoke, nervous to tell him about my conversation with Jessica Stanley.

"Can it wait till tomorrow, love?" Edward asked, his voice thick with sleep. "I'm so tired, and I have a ten a.m. flight out of here to Paris."

"Edward!" I admonished him gently. It was nearly five in the morning in London which meant he had to be up in a matter of hours. I hesitated, knowing I really _had_ to speak to him about Jessica, but figured I'd waited this long already and a few hours more wouldn't hurt. I decided I would call him first thing in the morning…well, first thing in _my_ morning, anyway.

"Bella?" Edward quietly called my name a few moments later. I could hear him pulling the covers of his bed back and I closed my eyes, envisioning his tall, lean body slipping between the sheets, his wondrously soft locks of hair falling forward into his face as he lay down to sleep.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I told Edward I loved him too, but he didn't hear me. He was already asleep, the soft sound of his breathing as he inhaled and exhaled giving way to a light, light snore.

"Goodnight, Edward," I whispered into the phone before flipping it closed.

It was lacking the accompaniment and I wasn't tired anymore, so I headed out to my living room after hanging up the phone and took a seat at my piano. Tonight I would finish what I'd started last night - my duet for cello and piano. I'd given it a title already - _You and Me_. Its heart was the melody that my cello sang and tonight I would give it its soul.

As I sat at the piano preparing to write the accompaniment that Edward would play, I thought to myself that it had been a long time since I'd played the piano seriously. _Too_ _long_. I loved the piano almost as much as I loved the cello, but I had little time to play, especially now. I used to feel mildly guilty that my piano sat unused for great lengths of time, but not any more. Edward played my piano on a daily basis now, and for certain one of the best parts of my day was listening to him play for me while I prepared dinner.

I'd taken the time to notate the cello part to _You and Me_ yesterday morning so the melody was still fresh in my head as I began to work out the accompaniment. It didn't take me long. The accompaniment flowed effortlessly from me, fitting perfectly with the cello's part just as Edward fit perfectly with me. Now, more than ever, I was excited at the prospect of playing it with him. Somehow, after all this time, we'd yet to play a duet. But it would be worth the wait, because I knew that playing together for the first time would be all the more memorable since we would be performing a piece that I had composed for Edward. Really, a piece that was without a doubt inspired by Edward and by what he did to me, a piece that told a very simple story about a boy, who loved a girl, who loved him back even more.

It was another late night for me. I was determined to finish my duet so that I could e-mail a copy of the piano accompaniment to Edward, which meant that it was after four in the morning before I finally went to bed. When I awakened the next morning, I was tired and irritable, not to mention anxious about speaking with Edward. I knew that I needed to call him and tell him what had happened yesterday, but I didn't really _want_ to. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice. Edward needed to know. Figuring it was best to just get the conversation over with, I reached over and picked up my phone off of the dresser and dialed Edward.

The phone rang only one time before Edward picked up.

"I was wondering when you'd call," he greeted me warmly. "Did we sleep in this morning?" He teased.

I laughed lightly, loving the fact that all the tension from the night before seemed to have dissipated.

"I was busy working on something. Check your e-mail in a few hours. I'm sending something your way," I said very cryptically.

"Hmm…" Edward mused out loud. "You have my attention." I hesitated, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"Good, because I have to talk to you about something, but it's entirely unrelated to what I'll be sending."

"Oh?" Edward sounded mildly concerned. "Is everything all right?"

I swallowed hard, not immediately sure how to explain to Edward what had happened. I very quickly decided to just be frank.

"I've spoken with the media and confirmed a relationship between the two of us," I said, waiting with baited breath for Edward's response.

The line went silent. For a long time.

"Edward?" I asked quietly a few moments later. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that the line had been disconnected. Edward wasn't saying anything. He wasn't saying anything at all.

"Yes...yes…I'm here, Bella. I'm…I…I guess I don't understand," he stammered. "You are the one that has been hell bent on protecting the anonymity of this relationship, yet you just decide, completely out of the blue mind you, to speak to the media while I'm on a press tour? Without even consulting me first?" I could hear it in Edward's voice - he was upset with me and growing more so with each passing moment.

"I'm sorry. You have every right to be angry," I said remorsefully.

"I'm not angry, Bella," Edward quickly replied, though his voice was tight. "Shocked would be a better word to describe what I'm feeling right now. Shocked, and a little bit embarrassed. I've just conducted a round of interviews where I very carefully avoided answering any questions pertaining to you and me. Meanwhile, you were off talking to God knows who about the very same subject! How do you think that's going to make me look, Bella?"

"I'm sorry." I apologized again, not really sure what else to say. I felt horrible.

I had been so worried about how my past might negatively affect Edward's upcoming premiere that I hadn't even considered how talking to the press would affect him in the here and now.

"Who did you talk to?" Edward suddenly asked, obviously anxious to know what we were up against.

"Her name is Jessica Stanley," I answered him quietly, and Edward gasped. "Good Lord, Bella, do you even know who she is?"

"No," I managed to say, terror stricken by the tone of Edward's voice. Edward sighed deeply before telling me.

"She works for _Hollywood Today_," he said in a spiteful tone of voice. "You elected to speak about our relationship to one of the trashiest tabloids there is save the _National Enquirer_." And despite the fact that it _had_ been my decision to speak to Jessica Stanley, I was suddenly very angry with Edward.

"I didn't _elect_ to speak to anybody, Edward," I informed him rather sternly. "Jessica is an obnoxious woman who wouldn't back down. I didn't give her much, but I had to give her something. She…she wouldn't give up…" I trailed off, suddenly feeling very defeated. Edward was quiet for a long moment before speaking again. And when he did, his voice was gentler, calmer and more composed.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I've encountered Jessica Stanley on more than one occasion. She's shrewd, and doesn't like to take no for an answer. Lucky for us, nobody takes her or her publication very seriously," he said, sounding somewhat hopeful at that fact.

"What did you tell her?" He continued, and I proceeded to relay my entire interview verbatim to Edward. He listened intently, never interrupting. When I finished, he harrumphed before sharing his thoughts with me.

"So you confirmed that we are seeing each other, but otherwise tried to play the relationship off as being casual?" He asked me, and I confirmed that this was in fact what I had attempted to do, though I had my doubts as to whether or not Jessica had really believed me.

"She was really just fishing for something, anything concrete about the two of us that she could print so that she could get the scoop," I said, and Edward agreed with me.

"Should we be concerned?" I asked anxiously.

"I don't know," Edward answered honestly. "Melinda is going to be pissed off. But my gut instinct is that this isn't a major concern. Hardly anybody takes that magazine seriously. Also, everybody knows that I'm very selective about whom I talk to and that I don't discuss my personal life, so I doubt anybody will believe what she prints anyway."

I exhaled a small sigh of relief. Things were starting to look up.

"I'm going to have to speak with Melinda, but I think that maybe our best course of action here is not to panic and just to continue as we have been. I'll be very careful about what I say on the rest of the press tour, but at some point Bella, we're going to have to come out to the public. Otherwise, people like Jessica Stanley can and will find you, and will continue to hound you until they get their story. I don't want you to be subjected to that. I think it's better if we're just honest about how we feel for one another." Edward paused for a moment before all but whispering "It's very hard for me to hide how I feel about you Bella, and I don't want to continue to do it anymore. I love you, and I want for everyone to know that."

My heart broke at Edward's words because I truly wanted everyone to know how I felt about him too. But the timing wasn't right. If only we could keep the press at bay until after the premiere, I'd feel a lot better about going public. At least then my pathetic past wouldn't interfere with the release of Edward's film. And it would also give me a chance to talk to my father, and to Xavier. Because one way or another, I was certain the story of my past would come out, and I wasn't the only one that would be affected by it. Not in the least.

Edward and I hung up the phone twenty minutes later and I felt mildly better about our situation, at least with regards to what had happened with Jessica Stanley. Edward seemed fairly certain that it wouldn't matter what Jessica printed because most people wouldn't believe what she had to say, anyway. I did feel badly that I'd been dishonest with Edward about why exactly I'd given Jessica an interview, but I was all but certain that if he knew that she had, for all intents and purposes, blackmailed me, he would have completely flipped out, possibly doing something that would in the end cause more damage to his public image than any article Jessica could print.

As I made my way to campus that afternoon, it hit me that a full forty eight hours had already passed since Edward left. And what an eventful forty eight hours it had been, I thought. I was exhausted, and missing Edward terribly. He'd be in Paris for two nights before heading to Madrid. Both nights he had dinners and parties to attend, but he had promised me he'd call every evening…or morning, depending on how late he stayed out, before he went to bed. He also promised to keep better track of his phone, to which I had laughed. I was on my way to meet up with some lowerclassmen to discuss transposing a piece of music originally written for a brass quartet into a piece suitable for a string quartet when my phone buzzed in my pocket. There was a text waiting for me…from Edward.

_I've received your e-mail with the attachment and am anxious to get to a piano to play. Would it be too much of a spectacle if I played the piano sitting in the middle of the hotel lobby?_ It most certainly would be, I thought. I could only imagine the crowds of women…

_I think so. Besides, girls wouldn't be able to control themselves if they watched you play the piano. It's a very sensual experience watching you play. _I texted him back.

_Is that so? I could say the same about you, too. Do you have any idea what it does to me to watch you play your cello? It's sexy as hell._ I cleared my throat, feeling my body start to tingle all over at his words.

_Hmm. Does it turn you on?_ What the hell, I was in a playful mood. Why not have a little fun with Edward.

_The mere thought of it does…_ Okay…I was starting to feel mildly uncomfortable, in that I needed Edward, now.

_Are you turned on, now? _I couldn't help it. I had to ask. I had to know.

_Yes…and having to excuse myself from the dinner table because of it. I told you before, you are going to be the death of me. _And you of me, Edward Cullen, and you of me.

_It will be my…or should I say YOUR pleasure…_ I hit send, knowing damn well what it would do to him.

_STOP. You're killing me here. I want you so much. I can't stand being away from you Bella. I'm not sure I can make it another five days. And when I do return…be prepared._ I'd stopped walking, and was standing in the middle of a courtyard somewhere on campus. I swallowed hard, overcome with desire for Edward.

_For what?_ I was nervous about what his reply would be when I hit send. My phone buzzed back less than a minute later.

_For me to finally show you what it is you really mean to me. I love you. _And just like that, the tone of our messages changed. And yes, I cried. Damn it, he knew too well how to get to me.

_I love you too, Edward. So much. Call me later?_

_Without a doubt. XOXO_

It was hard for me to get back into the proper frame of mind to transpose music after texting Edward, but I didn't have much of a choice. Supervising underclassmen in their musical studies was a requirement of upperclassmen. Normally I didn't mind, but today I was understandably distracted. Fortunately, I managed to make it through two hours of transposition without totally spacing out and dreaming of Edward, and was actually quite pleased with our end product. As we were gathering our things to leave, one of the underclassmen, a freshman cello performance major, approached me, wanting to know more about the performance program and what she could expect over the course of the next four years. She was a pleasant girl, and we spent quite a bit of time chatting with each other. Eventually the topic of conversation turned to me, and she inevitably wanted to know what my plans were for after graduation. I was honest with her, telling her I really wasn't sure yet…because I wasn't.

It wasn't that I hadn't given any thought to what I would do after graduation. I had. I knew that I had three options to choose between. My first option was to accept a position in a professional orchestra, of which I would more or less have my choice. My second option was to establish a solo career. My third and final option was to continue my studies at Julliard and earn my PhD. Of course, the big question was how Edward would fit into the picture. Assuming we were still together, which, despite our current circumstances I felt very firmly that we would be, I'd have him…_us_…to consider when making my decision. Really, it would be _our_ decision.

_Our decision_. I stopped short, shaking my head. Had I really just envisioned myself together with Edward one year from now? Had I really just thought to myself that _we _would have a decision to make regarding _our_ future? Would _my_ future really be one in the same as _his_? And was it really possible that we could make things work long term? Was it possible to reconcile his hopes and dreams and desires with my own? I wanted to think so. I really did. But we had a long way to go to get to that point.

I left campus late in the afternoon, deciding to forgo practice in the evening in order to spend some time with Alice who was feeling better, but still not one hundred percent. I'd spoken with Alice several times over the last couple of days, each time inquiring as to whether or not she wanted me to do anything for her or to bring her over anything to eat, and each and every time she had insisted that she was okay. Jasper was driving her crazy enough hovering over her as it was, she'd said to me. As such, in an effort to try and abide by her wishes I'd reluctantly agreed to stay away. But enough was enough. I was going to stop by and see Alice tonight whether she wanted me to, or not.

It bothered me sometimes that Alice did…well…everything for me, and seemed to expect nothing from me in return. Alice was always there for me, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse…until death do us part. I chuckled to myself as I repeated in my head the vows one makes when getting married. In many ways, Alice and I _were_ like a married couple. We supported each other no matter what. We were there for each other when no one else was, and would continue to be that way even when we were old and gray. I knew this for a fact, but it didn't escape my notice that our relationship seemed unbalanced at times, with her giving me so much more than I felt I gave her in return. I'd tried to talk to her about it before, about how it sometimes made me feel guilty, like I wasn't as good of a friend to her as she was to me, but she just dismissed me, telling me I was being silly. Of course now, I couldn't help but think back to the talk we'd had the day Edward left, where she told me she couldn't be there for me like she had been in the past. She'd quickly recanted her words, but there was a part of me that knew she had meant every word she'd said. And it wasn't because she didn't love me more than life itself, because I knew that she did. It was because she was scared that maybe this time, if everything fell apart, she wouldn't be enough. And that alone was enough to scare me, too.

While on my way to Alice's apartment, I thought about what I could do to make things a little bit easier for her while she recuperated from whatever it was she was suffering from. I still wasn't exactly sure what was wrong! Alice had been very vague about her symptoms, stating only that she felt extremely fatigued and like she needed to rest. The first thing I decided to do was to run by the video store and rent some movies for her to watch. I'd stay and watch a movie with her tonight, and would rent several more for her to watch over the course of the next few days until she was feeling better. The next stop would be the grocery store. If I knew Alice, her refrigerator was bare. She didn't cook and neither did Jasper, each of them choosing to eat most of their meals out. But it was times like these when one needed to eat nourishing home cooked meals, and I could prepare those for her. Alice might be able to fix people who were emotionally broken, but I could cook a wicked meal to try and help fix a sick friend. And that's just what I intended to do. I would cook several meals, in fact, and freeze them in containers for her so she'd have enough dinners to take her through the following week.

I didn't bother to knock when I arrived at Alice's apartment nearly an hour later. Instead, I fumbled with the keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible so that I could heave the bags of groceries I was carrying inside. As I made my way into the apartment, I saw that Alice was asleep on the couch with the latest copy of _Elle_ spread across her stomach. On the floor beside her lay various different outfits that had been casually discarded. I smiled at the sight, chuckling softly to myself. Leave it to Alice to play dress-up while sick – oh and apparently give herself a manicure and pedicure, too. A bottle of bright red nail polish stood on the table beside her, the color perfectly matching the one on her hands and feet.

Walking into the kitchen, I put the groceries away. But before I started to cook, I decided to tidy up a bit around the apartment because it was a certifiable _mess_. I started with picking up Alice's clothes off of the floor and putting them away in her outrageously large walk-in closet. Next, I picked up all of the empty cups and plates that lay scattered about, rinsing them and then putting them into the dishwasher. I headed into Alice's bedroom next, taking a moment to change her sheets before taking to the bathroom with some Clorox bleach and a toilet brush. Cleaning bathrooms wasn't my most favorite of tasks, but I figured if there were any germs floating around, it was best to eliminate them now in order to expedite Alice's recovery.

As soon as I was satisfied that Alice's apartment was in satisfactory order, I headed back into the kitchen where I set to work preparing no less than a week's worth of meals. A little while later I had just finished assembling the lasagna and was pouring water into a giant stock pot to steam some pork chops when Alice stirred on the couch. I saw her arm first as it stretched in the air, followed by her head as she sleepily peeked at me from over the arm of the couch.

"Bella?" She said, her voice still thick with sleep. I smiled at her and waved.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, somewhat confused.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I thought I'd come by and keep you company for awhile."

Alice sat up then, surveying the apartment.

"It looks like Merry Maids has been through here," she said while eyeing me suspiciously. I raised my hand in the air, accepting all responsibility. Alice just laughed, shaking her head at me.

"You really didn't have to do that," she said. "I'm fine - really. Just a little tired is all." I poured Alice a large glass of orange juice before heading out into the living room.

"I realize the caretaker doesn't like to be taken care of, but you haven't any choice," I said, placing the glass of orange juice on the table and reaching behind Alice to fluff her pillow.

"Thanks," she mumbled, reaching for the glass and taking a big swig before placing it back on the table. "So, how are you?" She asked as I headed back into the kitchen to continue cooking.

I sighed before recounting the last twenty-four hours of my life to an astonished Alice, who cursed me over and over again for giving in to Jessica Stanley. "That's blackmail, Bella!" She wailed. "I never would have let that happen if I was there with you."

I smiled. It was sweet how protective Alice was of me.

"She's a lot smarter than that, Alice," I said. "She purposely waited until I was alone. Jasper left not two minutes before she cornered me. She knew exactly what she was doing."

Alice nodded her head in agreement.

"You're probably right," she said. "Truthfully, I'm shocked this hasn't been an issue before now. If it weren't for the fact that Angelina Jolie just gave birth to triplets, I'm sure you and Edward would have made more headlines with your appearance at the gala." I laughed with Alice. It was unbelievable how many children Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt now had. And triplets? My God…that was just nuts. I looked over at Alice who had suddenly grown very quiet.

"You and Edward have been lucky, Bella. But I have a feeling that's all going to change. Public interest in the two of you is only going to increase, and as it does there will be more questions…and more stories…and eventually somebody is going to find out about your past and print a sensational story. You may have dodged the bullet with Jessica Stanley, though that still remains to be seen, but you might not be so lucky next time." Alice spoke very carefully, and I knew exactly what she was trying to say.

"I know," I whispered softly, not really knowing what else to say. I was fully aware of the fact that my past would more than likely soon be exposed. But if I could just manage to keep it from being revealed for a little while longer, at least it wouldn't overshadow Edward's premiere. It's all I could hope for at this point for I knew that when my past finally was revealed, that a paparazzi feeding frenzy would ensue and myself and my father, as well as Xavier, would be right smack at the center of it.

Alice and I spent the rest of the evening chatting happily with each other and watching _Wedding Crashers_. I mostly watched from the kitchen, as I was busy preparing all the food. Edward called a little after seven, just as I was getting ready to broil the chicken kabobs in the oven. I lunged for my bag which lay on the floor by the front door, and Alice snickered at me.

"Eager to talk to Edward?" She asked, and I glared in her direction. I snatched the phone up, answering it breathlessly.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Hey, love," he said, the gentle lilt of his voice causing such curious reactions in my body. It soothed me, while at the same time setting my heart aflutter.

"Hi," I said shyly, turning away from Alice.

"Oh please, Bella, like you have anything to hide from me," she teased before getting up off of the couch and heading into her bedroom, allowing me some privacy with Edward.

"How are you?" I asked Edward once Alice had left the room, though I already knew what his answer would be. He sounded tired.

"Tired, it's after one in the morning here. Thank God I don't have to travel tomorrow and I can actually sleep in."

I sighed. How nice it would be to be able to sleep in with Edward, lying encased in his arms all morning long.

"We're going to have to set aside a morning to sleep in when you return," I said, and Edward hummed in response.

"Mmm…that sounds like a good idea to me, only I can think of other things I'd rather be doing with you in the morning than sleeping in…" his voice trailed off, and I could hear him chuckling softly to himself. I felt it as the blush crept across my cheeks and thanked God that Alice was still in the bathroom.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked, suggestively. Two could play at this game.

"Making love to you over, and over again, until the both of us are too spent to do anything else but lay in bed for the rest of the day," he breathed, and I felt my own breath hitch in my throat as I instantly warmed all over.

"That…that sounds nice," I managed to say. I was completely flustered by his comment, stuck imagining what it would be like to feel Edward inside of me when I couldn't even so much as reach out and touch him. It was torture - pure fucking torture.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked a moment later, and I could hear the smile in his voice. The line had fallen silent as I attempted to catch my breath.

"Yes…just…preoccupied," I laughed lightly.

"Hmm…much like I was earlier today," Edward mused. "Paybacks are hell, Bella," he teased, and I laughed with him. Just then, Alice emerged from her bedroom. I cleared my throat and swallowed hard, coming down from my lust induced high. Alice plopped back down on the couch, reaching for her magazine on the coffee table.

"I should probably go," I said sadly. I didn't _want_ to let Edward go. I wanted to know how his press events had gone today, but I really did need to feed Alice and I had multiple projects under way in the kitchen.

"That's fine," he said gently. "I should get some sleep. Tell Alice I said hello, and call me in the morning when you wake up, yeah?"

"I will," I assured him.

"I love you," he said, and for some reason or another, a lump formed in the back of my throat. I had to fight hard not to cry. God I missed this man so much. Four and a half more days - I only had to survive four and a half more days without him.

"I love you, too, baby. Sleep well," I said, hanging up the phone before I lost it. Alice glanced up at me from her magazine and smiled while at the same time rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"You've got it bad, Bella," she teased, and I laughed. I did. I had it _really_ bad.

It was close to midnight by the time I left Alice's apartment. Alice had eaten well, even going back for seconds. She also now had more than enough food to take her through the next week. By then, I was hoping she would feel better. If not, I was going to personally drag her ass to the doctor. She hated doctors, but don't we all? Sometimes there was no other choice but to suck it up and go, even when it was the last place on earth you wanted to be. Alice had fallen asleep on the couch while I cleaned the kitchen, and I covered her up with a blanket before turning out the lights and locking her apartment door behind me. I felt good as I headed home. It wasn't often I was able to give back to Alice, and tonight I felt as if I'd done just that.

I wasn't expecting anyone to call. It was after midnight and I had just finished getting ready for bed. It was cold again, bizarrely so after a short twenty four hour stint of warm weather. I slipped on one of Edward's t-shirts and a pair of his sweat pants as well as one of his flannel shirts for extra warmth, reveling in the comfort and warmth they provided me. Now that I'd discovered how wonderful it was to sleep in Edward's clothes, I would never go back to my own. He'd have to fight me for his sweat pants and old t-shirts, and I wasn't beyond using my womanly ways to coerce him into giving me what I wanted.

I jumped when the phone rang, quickly performing the mental calculations in my head as I reached for my phone. There was no way it was Edward. It was shortly after six a.m. in Paris, and he'd been looking forward to sleeping in this morning. It wouldn't be Alice, either. I'd left her fast asleep on her couch. The only other people who ever called me anymore – Jasper and my father – would be unlikely to be calling me this late at night, unless of course there was something wrong. I felt slightly panicked as I picked up my phone and flipped it open. I didn't recognize the phone number, but I immediately recognized the international calling code - France. The call was incoming from France. I brought the phone to my ear, hesitantly.

"Hello?" I said, wondering who it was that was calling.

"Hello, Bella?" The voice was calm and cool and belonged to a woman, a woman whose voice I didn't immediately recognize.

"Yes – speaking," I said cautiously. I was immediately suspicious with my first thought being that this was another reporter trying to get a scoop on me and Edward. But who would be calling me from France? On my cell phone, nonetheless. Had Edward mentioned anything about us during his interviews the previous day? We'd agreed that he would continue as he had been, artfully dodging questions about our relationship. Had something changed? He hadn't mentioned anything to me when I'd talked with him earlier. And then the voice belonging to the woman filtered over the line again, and I was stunned speechless as I slowly realized who it was I was talking to. It was Melinda - Edward's agent.

"Bella, this is Melinda. We need to talk," she said very seriously, and I felt my body go completely rigid. My hands were already slick with sweat, and I clutched the phone tightly for fear it would slip from my hand.

"Edward told me about your little transgression," she continued, without giving me a chance to say anything. "As you can imagine, I'm less than thrilled with the situation. I would have hoped you would have shown a little more judgment when it came to speaking with the media, but obviously I've misjudged you." Melinda's tone of voice was sharp, and judgmental, and served to immediately piss me off.

"I didn't intend to speak with anyone, Melinda," I said coolly.

"Oh really? That's not the impression I got," she answered me back, taunting me.

"And what exactly is the impression you got, Melinda?" I asked, fighting back the anger that was brewing inside. Just who did this woman think she was, anyway?

"That your motivations aren't pure, Bella, that you're more interested in what Edward can do for you than what you can do for him. Think of what it could mean for you Bella, a beautiful young cellist riding on the coattails of her very influential and famous boyfriend. Makes sense to me." And I had to laugh. Even though it was highly inappropriate at that particular moment, I just had to laugh. Melinda couldn't have been further off the mark if she tried.

"I can get by on my own merits, Melinda, thank you very much," I sneered. "I don't need help from anyone, the least of which being Edward."

"Maybe that's true, Bella, maybe it's not," she answered me back very coolly. "Regardless, your association with Edward certainly doesn't hurt." And that was it. I snapped. This woman was so wildly off base it was ridiculous. She thought I'd spoken with the media as a means of bringing attention to myself. How wrong she was, how utterly and completely wrong she was. It was ironic how she thought I craved media attention, when in truth I wanted to do everything I possibly could to stay out of the limelight.

"You don't know me, Melinda!" I shouted into the phone. Johann, who had up until that point been lying in bed beside me, jumped up and off of the bed, electing to find refuge in his dog bed by the window. "And you don't know a thing about me and Edward. I love Edward. I would never do anything to take advantage of him. I love him for who he is, not what he does!" I couldn't believe I was sitting there having to defend myself. Did she really think me to be so shallow?

"So you say. But if you really loved Edward as you say you do, you'd realize that you're not good for him. Edward has his entire career ahead of him, Bella. He is Hollywood's hottest young star right now, yet he's willing to throw that all away to be with you. Quite frankly I don't understand why. I don't understand what it is he sees in you." Now I was confused. I knew my past was somewhat questionable - I was certainly not the girl next door. And I understood why Melinda might be concerned about how my past might affect Edward's image, especially this close to the premiere. But was my past really that bad that Melinda could think that Edward would be throwing his entire career away simply by being with me? That was a bit of a stretch, I thought.

"What do you mean when you say he's willing to throw it all away?" I asked quietly, trying hard to make sense of everything.

"He's refusing to read scripts, Bella!" She all but wailed into my ear, and I froze. What was she talking about? "He says he thinks he needs… 'an undetermined amount of time off after he finishes shooting the final film in the trilogy this spring'…were his exact words. That's no good, Bella. This is no time for Edward to be taking personal time for himself. If he isn't careful, he'll fall from glory just as fast as he catapulted to the top." To say I was stunned would be an understatement. Edward's decision to take some time off between projects was news to me. We'd never discussed it - ever. Regardless, I felt the need to defend Edward's decision. It was his life after all.

"I think Edward can determine what's best for hinself, Melinda. He's tired. He's been filming movies non-stop since _Deep in the Woods_ was released. Maybe he needs a break. Why does this have to be about me?"  
"Oh please, Bella, can you really be that naïve?" Melinda scoffed. "Listen. I get it, Bella. I get that you're young and in love. It wasn't so long ago I was your age. You feel more passionately about things when you're young. But I'm here to tell you that sometimes when you love someone, if you really want what's best for them you have to let them go because if you don't, it will bring them down. It will destroy who they are." Melinda spoke quietly now. She was serious, deadly serious. She really and truly believed my relationship with Edward could be his ultimate downfall. And not because of whom I was, but instead because of what Edward felt for me. I was suddenly feeling very faint. It seemed that no matter which way we turned, Edward and I were faced with impossible odds.

"What exactly are you asking me to do, Melinda?" I asked pointedly. Why did you call?" I just wanted to get this phone call over with. I wanted Melinda to get to the point, because I knew there was a point she was trying to make, she just hadn't made it yet. There was a brief silence followed by a deep sigh before Melinda spoke.

"I'm asking you to break this thing off, for Edward's sake, before either one of you falls so hard you simply can't recover. It's been two months Bella. It can't really be that difficult to do, can it? Sure, you'll both nurse a broken heart, but in time, you'll both be fine. You can continue on with your life without trying to figure out how to make a relationship work with a man who moves from city to city every couple of months, and Edward can move forward with his career. This is his only chance, Bella. If he doesn't take the bull by the horns he'll be left behind. He'll be yesterday's news. That's how it is in Hollywood. Is that really what you want?"

I sat silent on the line, trying with all my might to fight back the tears that were burning my eyes. And I couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe that on top of every fucking thing else that was threatening to destroy me and Edward that we had to deal with this now, too. Rather _I_ had to deal with it. Because I was certain that Edward had no idea that Melinda had called. And it was curious, because as I sat alone on my bed, missing Edward more than ever before, I thought about how Melinda hadn't even so much as mentioned my past, or what it could mean for Edward. And I realized for the first time since talking with her that Melinda wasn't interested in the tiny details of my relationship with Edward, she was interested in the whole of it, in what it meant for Edward in the grand scheme of things. And somehow she saw my relationship with Edward as a threat, not because of who I was, but because of how Edward felt for me.

"Bella?" Melinda asked when I hadn't responded to her question.

"I can't in good conscience do what you're asking, Melinda. I love Edward. I

don't want to be without him. I think you need to have a little more faith in his ability to choose the path in life that's right for him," I said confidently. Of course, I knew that Edward and I would have to talk about what Melinda had told me. I agreed with Melinda that Edward probably shouldn't take an extended break from making films right now, but I didn't see how breaking up with him would solve that problem. Because if he felt as deeply for me as I felt for him, it would destroy him. It would destroy us both. And I wasn't sure what good either one of us would be to anyone then.

"You're wrong, Bella," Melinda said quietly. "And I understand how you feel, but I want you to understand that it's my job to manage Edward's career. And as I see it, you're too much of a distraction for him. With you in his life, he'll no longer have a career. I can't force you to break things off with Edward, though I think you're being incredibly selfish here, but I can do my best to make things as difficult for the two of you as possible. With any luck, he'll come to his senses and realize what's at stake." The line was silent again, and I knew right then and there that I needed to hang up the phone. There would be no reasoning with Melinda. And I was tired. And I just wanted Edward to come home to me. But it would be four more days before that happened. Four more incredibly long and dismal days without Edward.

**End Notes:**

**Please take a moment to review! Thank You!**


	13. Possession

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to review this story. I appreciate the time you take to share your thoughts.

A huge round of thanks to **skyeblue0610** for acting as my Beta. Your input is invaluable and very much appreciated.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for recognizing me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Warning: There is sexual content in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 13: Possession**

I looked at my watch, again. Six hours, thirty two minutes and twenty seven seconds…the amount of time until Edward arrived home. Today was the day that Edward was coming home to me. He was due to arrive at JFK at 9:25 P.M., although by the time he collected his things and got to the apartment I was certain it would be after ten. I'd considered going to the airport to meet him, but decided against it. I knew our reunion was going to be an emotional one and I wanted to keep it private, away from prying eyes.

The last four days had passed quickly in comparison to the first three and all had been relatively quiet. There had been no further press lurking in the shadows, no other instances where Daniella answered Edward's phone and no more late night phone calls from Melinda. It was a relief, really. It was hard enough with Edward gone. Adding all the mayhem to his absence just served to stress me out even more than I already was and put me on edge.

Over the course of the past four days I had thought long and hard about whether or not to tell Edward about Melinda's phone call. My initial reaction had been to call Edward and ask him what in the hell was going on because really, I could not for the life of me figure out why Melinda was talking to me about Edward's career plans and not Edward. He was a grown man, for God's sake! If he felt he needed some time off, it was his decision to make, not hers. However, I finally decided that while I would speak with Edward about it, I would not do so immediately. Unlike Daniella, my gut instinct was that Melinda was not a bad, but rather a very protective, person.

I really did understand Melinda's concern about Edward refusing to read any scripts. This was alarming even to me. I wasn't sure what had compelled Edward to make this decision, and I desperately hoped that I wasn't a part of it. Not that I didn't want to spend as much time with him as possible, but I didn't want for either one of us to have to give up what we loved to do in order to be with the other. It didn't seem right. No. We would simply _have_ to find a way to make things work for the both of us, one way or the other, which meant that Edward and I needed to have a serious talk about where exactly we were headed with this relationship. And if it were indeed true that he was considering taking time off just to be with me, I would have to try and convince him otherwise. Maybe if Edward agreed to a specified period of rest, Melinda would back off and not interfere with our relationship any further. That is what I hoped for, anyway.

It was a delightfully crisp autumn afternoon in New York City and, after having sat around my apartment all morning long doing little else but wring my hands together in anxious anticipation of Edward's arrival, I decided to take Johann for a run in Central Park while it was still light outside. I really needed to do something other than pace the apartment, waiting for Edward's return. It certainly wouldn't bring him home any sooner, and it was doing little to relieve the anxiety I felt at his return.

Yes, that's right. I felt anxious, very anxious, about Edward's return. Of course, I'd missed him like crazy and couldn't wait to throw my arms around him and kiss him until I could no longer breathe. But I was anxious for other reasons, too. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in my case at least, this couldn't have been truer. To know what it felt like to have Edward absent from my life for even seven days made me appreciate his presence all the more. And I knew - I knew it was time for us to take our relationship to the next level. I knew it was time to, and more importantly, I finally felt completely comfortable with the idea of making love to Edward. Whereas before I was hesitant, overwhelmed with the speed with which we'd become thoroughly besotted with one another, now I felt confident that what we shared was anything but ephemeral. And it meant little that we'd only known one another for two months, because I honestly felt like I could spend forever with this man. We just had to manage to get past…well…past the ridiculous amount of obstacles that stood in our way.

As Johann and I trotted together along one of the many paths that wind through Central Park, my mind lingered on thoughts of making love to Edward. Knowing that it was going to happen, and soon, I'd rushed out to my OB earlier in the week to get the Depo shot. Alice recommended it over having to remember to take a pill every morning. I laughed to myself as I considered the fact that at no time in my life had I ever obsessed over sex as much as I had during the past week. Truthfully, it wasn't anything I had ever really cared much for. Not that I had a lot of experience in that department, anyway. I'd only ever been with one other person. I was young, and most definitely not in love…but I cared enough about the person to want to try and was…curious. But after having loveless sex, it left me somewhat disappointed. Sure, some of it had felt good, but I couldn't help but feel there must be something more.

Alice often talked to me about the intense emotional connection her and Jasper shared, and had once said to me that when you shared such an intense connection with your partner, that sex with that person was actually life altering. You started to need sex like you needed air to breathe and water to drink, she'd said. I had laughed her off at the time, thinking she was just one horny woman, but even though Edward and I had never made love, what she said made much more sense to me now, and it made me giddy with anticipation of actually being with Edward, of actually experiencing what it felt like to have 'life altering' sex. And I was certain that making love to Edward would be life altering, because the feelings I'd developed for him over such a short period of time were already just that - _life_ _altering_.

Now that I was confident that I was ready, there was no doubt in my mind that Edward would be ready, too. He had been ready awhile ago, actually, and was never embarrassed to let me know he desired me in that way. But he was also an understanding person, and had told me time and again that he would wait. I loved him all the more for that. I smiled to myself when I thought about some of the conversations we'd had while he was away this week. The underlying sexual tension between the two of us was clear, and it amused me how freely we made reference to making love, as if we'd done it before a thousand times over. Our talks had made for some very uncomfortable situations for the both of us until finally we both agreed that there would be no more sexting or verbal allusions to sex unless we were both safely hidden away where we would not make spectacles of ourselves. This was more for the benefit of Edward than it was for me. He'd been caught in a particularly embarrassing situation right before he'd been about to go into an interview with Daniella in Paris.

_I'd just woken up from an incredibly vivid dream that featured Edward, naked, lying lazily across my bed on his side, propped up on his elbow, calling to me with his deliciously alluring eyes. I'd crawled towards him on my hands and knees, biting down hard on my lower lip in anticipation of being with him. Though it was only a dream, I could physically feel my body quake and the warmth wash over me as he stared me down with pure, unbridled desire. And then just like that, I'd woken up, completely flustered and flush all over, intensely craving physical contact with Edward. I immediately reached for the phone on my bedside table and called him. I wanted him to know I was thinking of him, and in exactly what manner. Only the timing really wasn't all that good. He and Daniella were on their way through a hotel lobby on their way to attend their last interview in Paris before catching a flight to Madrid. I heard Edward mumble something to Daniella about having to use the restroom before ditching her and ducking into a doorway in order to continue our increasingly lurid conversation. _

_ "What were you wearing?" Edward asked as he cleared his throat. I paused, biting down on my lower lip just as I had in my dream._

_ "Nothing," I whispered softly, sensually._

_ "Were you biting down on your lower lip?" He asked, his voice low and husky. I chuckled softly to myself. _

_ "I was…and I am."_

_ "Oh God," I heard him shudder. He was breathing heavily now, and it was eliciting all sorts of wonderful reactions from my body. _

_ I heard her muffled voice over the phone as she approached, calling out his name and clearly annoyed with him. But it wasn't possible that she was more annoyed with Edward than I was with her._

_ "Edward!" Daniella cried, aghast. "What are you doing? I thought you said you were going to the bathroom! Are you coming, or what?" She asked. And though her comment was innocent, I listened as Edward inhaled sharply and groaned. I heard a slight thud as Edward's head fell forward against a wall. _

_ "I'll be right with you, Daniella…just…just give me a minute please," he huffed, sounding as flustered as I felt. I listened for Daniella to say something, but the line went quiet. I lay there and imagined Daniella standing by Edward, staring at him, and I must admit a small part of me felt victorious. She must have known that Edward was talking to me and she had to of been able to see for herself what it was that Edward and I did to one another. I wanted her to know because she needed to know. I didn't trust her intentions, and I was fairly certain she had feelings for Edward, regardless of what he thought. That being said, the overwhelming part of me felt badly for Edward and the fact that he was caught in a rather awkward position and it had been partly my doing. Presently I heard Daniella snort and walk off, and I sighed._

_ "You should go," I said, somewhat wistfully. Edward chuckled, saying he needed a minute to pull himself together first, and we had both agreed then and there that these types of conversations would be reserved for moments when it didn't matter where we were, or what we said, or how our bodies reacted to one another. _

I'd killed two hours on my walk and by the time I returned home I felt mildly more relaxed than I had before I left. My muscles weren't coiled near as tight and my heart wasn't thrumming like a hummingbird's anymore. I decided to make something quick to eat before heading into my bathroom to take a shower…which I sorely needed. Johann and I had had quite a workout, and despite the bitingly cold weather, I was covered in sweat. As I let the warm water wash over me, I felt a sense of calm pass through me. I was still highly anxious to see Edward again, but I was beginning to relax, realizing that in a few short hours Edward and I would be together again and all would be right. Because we felt right, we felt inevitable, really. And that thought gave me cause for a pause. Edward had said early on that we were fate, and at the time I'd not given it much thought, thinking it just a beautiful sentiment coming from an even more beautiful man. But tonight I felt it for the first time, that strange sensation that there was some greater entity that was steering mine and Edward's courses. And while in some senses it was confusing and a little bit terrifying in that I wasn't sure whether or not Edward and I were actually the ones in control here, it was also comforting to think that there might be something out there greater than the two of us, helping to direct our lives.

I paid careful attention to my appearance after taking my shower. Normally I was a very low maintenance type of girl who preferred to let her hair dry naturally, but tonight I decided to take the time to blow it dry, and even applied a little bit of lip gloss and mascara. Alice, who appeared to have made a full recovery from her mystery illness, had offered to come over and make me up, but I had graciously declined her offer. I preferred to be alone this evening, relishing in the pure joy I felt at the thought of Edward coming home. After showering and drying my hair, I pulled on a pair of new skinny jeans that Alice and I had purchased a few weeks back and a deep blue blouse I'd fallen in love with while shopping at Zara. I was certain Edward would like it, too. He seemed as partial to the color blue as my mother and I. Before leaving my bedroom, I pulled back the sheets on the bed and lit two candles on either bedside table. I smiled to myself then, thinking that everything felt just right.

I made my way out into the living room and surveyed my apartment. Everything was in order. I'd vacuumed and tidied up this morning and I'd washed and put away the dishes I'd used for dinner earlier. I decided to dim the lights in the living room and light several candles in there, too. I inhaled as the sweet smell of lavender and vanilla wafted through the air, the fragrances having a strangely calming effect on me. There was nothing left to do now but wait for Edward. So, in the mean time, I decided to practice my cello. I spent some time running through scales and was about to start work on Bach's sixth cello suite when my phone rang. I immediately jumped up from my chair, practically throwing my cello to the floor as I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the phone off of the counter. I glanced at the clock. It was almost nine thirty, which meant it must be Edward. His plane must have just arrived, I thought. I could barely contain my excitement as I flipped open the phone.

"Edward?" I asked anxiously.

"Hi, love," his voice floated over the phone, soft and sweet and filling me with such immeasurable joy.

"Where are you?" I asked excitedly. "Did your plane just land?"

I expected him to say he was sitting on the tarmac at JFK taxiing to the gate, or to say that he had deplaned and was waiting for Ronald to retrieve his luggage before heading my way. But instead, what he said caused my hand to start to tremble and my breath to hitch in my throat. The phone slipped from my hand, dropping to the floor as I bolted to the front door. I was breathing heavily now, my chest rising and falling in rapid succession with each labored breath. I reached out and grabbed the handle to the front door, throwing it open and stepping out into the hall where I stood waiting. It was all a blur from there. I heard the elevator chime, signaling its arrival, and listened as the doors slid open. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest now and my hands were slick with sweat in anxious anticipation of seeing him. Had it really only been one week, seven days, one hundred and sixty eight hours since I'd last seen him? Because it felt like forever. And then through the elevator doors he walked, and where there was nothing before, now there was Edward, his backpack slung casually across his right shoulder and his sunglasses securely in place despite the fact that it was almost ten at night. He paused, reaching up to sweep the glasses from his face, and when he did, our eyes locked and he flashed me his disarmingly wicked and lopsided grin that in that moment I was sure I loved more than anything else in the world.

"Bella," he whispered, my name rolling off of his tongue and floating down the hall toward me. I sighed deeply, reaching up to wipe at the tears that slipped silently down either cheek. And it felt like it was all happening in slow motion as I put one foot in front of the other, moving towards Edward slowly at first…and then I gasped, and suddenly I was running. I was running down the hall toward Edward, focused solely on getting to him, touching him, kissing him, loving him and finally…finally filling that painful void in my heart that only he could fill. I watched as Edward moved toward me, too. He took long, lithe strides, clearly as anxious as I was to finally be reunited.

"Edward!" I cried out through my tears when we were all but inches apart and I jumped up at him, throwing my arms around his neck and wrapping my legs tightly around his waist. The force of our collision caused him to stumble backward slightly, but he gripped me tightly to him, supporting my weight and moving us quickly to where my back was flush against the wall. I couldn't think of anything other than how good he felt, how strong his arms were, how right it was that we were together again. Edward crashed his lips to mine, kissing me hungrily, and I held tightly to his neck, running my fingers through the exquisitely soft hair at the nape of his neck and kissing him back just as hard. My legs slowly slid down past his thighs from where they tightly gripped his waist, and I came to rest on my feet. I pushed forward, wanting to feel all of my body pressed against his, and he responded in kind, pushing himself against me, pinning me between him and the wall.

"Bella," he murmured my name as he pulled away from our kiss and smiled down at me. We were both breathing heavily, almost to the point of panting. I smiled shyly up at him as he reached up with his right hand and dragged his notably callused fingers down my cheek, the palm of his hand coming to rest by my chin. He brought his face forward towards mine then brushing his nose against my left cheek and lightly inhaling my scent. I could feel him smile against my skin before he pulled away and gazed into my eyes.

"God I missed you," he breathed, and his eyes held mine, steady and sure. I reached up and placed my hand over his and closed my eyes.

"Me too, so much," I whispered softly before opening them again and losing myself in the deep green of his eyes. I felt the soft motion of his thumb as it gently caressed my cheek and I let out a deeply contented sigh. We stood there like that for a short while, just gazing into each other's eyes and marveling at the feel of each other after not having been able to be close like that in a week. Presently, Edward smiled at me before glancing furtively to either side.

"Maybe we should take this inside?" He chuckled and I smiled up at him. He was right. We were standing in the middle of the hallway and anyone could walk by. I nodded, reaching out and taking his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together and holding tightly to him. He leaned down and placed a quick, yet incredibly sensual kiss to my lips, slipping his tongue out and teasing my upper lip and leaving me breathless for more before backing away from me. Edward leaned down and grabbed his backpack which had slipped off of his shoulders onto the floor then, and together we walked down the hall and into my apartment.

"What's all this?" Edward asked curiously as he shut the door behind us. The air was infused with the sweet smell of lavender and vanilla, and the soft glow of candlelight bathed my apartment in a relaxing aura. I looked over my shoulder at him and shrugged, flashing him a warm grin. I walked towards the kitchen then, suddenly feeling as if I needed something to drink.

"Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat," I called to Edward from the kitchen, wondering if he'd already had dinner.

"I am," he breathed, and I jumped as I felt his arms slip round my waist from behind. He chuckled, pulling me against him and leaning his head down to place a wet kiss to my neck. His lips lingered there for a moment before I felt his nose brush gently up my neck to my ear. "But not for dinner," he whispered, his voice rough. I felt him, all of him, pressed against me and I shuddered, my eyes falling closed. He breathed heavily in my ear before gently sucking my earlobe into his mouth. I shuddered again, feeling myself grow warm with desire. I turned in Edward's arms to face him, and gazed up into the deep green of his eyes, and what I saw there was merely a reflection of my own feelings. Warmth, yearning and raw desire…but above all else, love.

"I love you," I said assuredly, making sure to hold Edward's gaze, making sure he knew exactly how it was I felt.

"And I, you," he softly replied, bringing his head forward and resting his forehead against mine.

They say that our eyes are windows into our souls, and as Edward continued to gaze at me and me at him, I thought there could be nothing truer. Standing there, gazing up at Edward as he gazed down at me, it wasn't one of those times where a person's stare is so intense that it causes the other person discomfort and to have to look away. It wasn't like that at all. Instead, it was more like two people who loved each other so deeply that they both realized that words simply could not convey they depth of their emotions, and instead, they offered each other a glimpse into their respective souls, hoping that in some way, it would be possible for the other to understand the depth of what it was they felt. That's what if felt like to me, anyway, standing there in my kitchen, my arms wrapped firmly around Edward's waist, gazing up into his eyes.

Presently, I brought my lips to Edward's, placing a soft, simple kiss to them. He kissed me back, and I felt his eyelashes brush against my skin as his eyes fell shut. His kiss was tender and slow, and he allowed his lips to linger on mine for a few moments before pulling away, his lips hovering just above mine, barely touching them, his warm breath filling the space between us. He smiled lightly before moving to kiss me again, this time with a little more force. He turned his head to the side and opened his mouth against mine as he pushed forward with his tongue, pushing my own two lips open. I responded to the new urgency, allowing my tongue to tangle with his, my entire body reacting to the sublime sensation. The kiss grew sloppier, each of us growing more desperate in our need to be connected to the other, and I could feel it as his hands snaked their way up into my hair, drawing my head closer to his. I responded in kind, bringing both my arms up around his neck and tangling my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. I gave a gentle tug, which elicited a soft moan from Edward. He briefly pulled away from our kiss, both of us breathing heavily, our ragged gasps for air washing over each other's faces. We stood there for a moment, each of us struggling to maintain some semblance of control.

"I want you," I whispered while looking up at him, my eyes boring into his. I heard him groan, and felt it as he pushed himself against me. His eyes briefly fell shut before they opened again and he leaned into me and placed a quick, wet kiss to my lips.

"I want you too," he murmured, his lips brushing softly against mine as he spoke. He swallowed hard before inhaling deeply and exhaling his breath into my mouth.  
"But there's something I'd like to do first," he said, and he pulled his mouth away from me and his eyes met mine. "Something I've been waiting all week for," he mused, and a warm smile tugged at his lips.

"Something other than this?" I asked suggestively, wagging my eyebrows at him as I rubbed myself against him. Edward groaned again, and I watched, smirking, as he shook his head at me, chuckling softly under his breath.

"As unbelievable as it may seem," he said while pulling himself away from me and taking my hand in his, "yes." I wondered what it was that could be so pressing so as to draw Edward away from our obvious foreplay. I, myself, was having a hard time not dragging him back to my bedroom…_our_ bedroom…and throwing him down on the bed and climbing on top of him. Having been away from him for an entire week, my body was drawn to his more than ever before. The magnetism between the two of us undeniable, and frankly, near unbearable. I'd felt it when we collided in the hall, those sparks of energy that passed between us when we were together. I hadn't noticed it as much over the past few weeks, but having been separated from Edward for a long length of time they seemed that much more powerful now, all but commanding my attention.

I sighed heavily as Edward pulled me into the living room and over to his backpack. Whatever it was he wanted to show me was obviously inside, as he let go of my hand and knelt down to unzip the main compartment. I thought that maybe he would pull out a book he had been reading and wanted to show me, which reminded me absently of the copy of _Atlas Shrugged_ I'd purchased for him. I'd have to remember to give that to him…but _definitely_ not now. I was mildly surprised when Edward pulled out a cream colored manila folder and my curiosity was admittedly captured. And then he opened the envelope and pulled out several sheets of paper, and I immediately understood what it was that was so important.

"Oh," I softly whispered. Edward glanced up at me smiling warmly, and it was one of those smiles that lit up his entire face, accentuating his beautiful cheekbones and causing tiny creases to appear around the corners of his eyes. It was moments like these when I couldn't help but stare at him, this most magnificent of creatures, kneeling before me.

"Bella?' Edward gently called to me. 'Are you okay?" I smiled down at him and shook my head.

"Yes," I laughed lightly. "You just seem to have this effect on me where I can't help but stare," I said, feeling it as a blush reddened both my cheeks. Edward swiftly stood, stepping close to me and reaching out to ghost the knuckles of his right hand across my left cheek.

"Mmm," he murmured, as he brought his face towards mine to place a light kiss on my cheek. "I've missed that more than I realized," he purred, and I let out a very long and exaggerated sigh.

"Edward," I murmured, bringing my lips to his and claiming him with my mouth. I wasn't sure how much more I could take. My desire to be intimate with him overwhelmed anything else in that moment. I pressed myself against him suggestively, and I could feel that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. Yet he pulled away after a moment, placing one chaste kiss to my lips before whispering "soon, love." He backed away from me then and waved the papers he still held in his hand out in front of him.

"I'd like to hear the accompaniment to this music," he said very simply, making it a point to look me in the eye. I swallowed hard, slowly nodding my head. I was suddenly very nervous about playing a duet with Edward, which was very strange, to say the least. I was never, ever nervous to play my cello. It was as ingrained in and as intuitive to me as breathing. Yet here I stood before Edward, my heart thrumming in my chest and butterflies assaulting my stomach. Indeed, I was nervous, and Edward seemed to sense this as he moved closer to me, reaching out with his free hand and cupping my face in his hand.

"Are we nervous?" He asked, and I could have sworn I saw him smirk. I looked up at him, smiling lightly, but had to look away. Only Edward wouldn't allow it, he gently pulled my face back towards his and looked me in the eye. "Don't be," he whispered, his face growing very serious and all the more beautiful as the moonlight filtered through the window, illuminating his face. And I nodded at him, making sure to hold his gaze. He smiled back lightly before leading me over to my cello. He paused, asking me if I needed any music, but I shook my head no. I'd memorized this song, memorized what it was I felt for Edward, long ago. Edward nodded and walked over to the piano and took a seat, setting the music out in front of him. He didn't need to turn on any of the lights in the apartment to see to play. It was a full moon this evening, which provided more than enough light by which to play. And I thought to myself that the atmosphere just felt right, and just as suddenly as my nerves had appeared, they were gone, replaced by a certitude that what Edward and I shared was a beautiful thing and this music was very simply a reflection of that, of the love that I felt for Edward. No. I had absolutely nothing to be nervous about at all.

Edward stole a quick glance in my direction smiling lightly at me before lifting both his hands above the keys. I watched as he furrowed his brow, moving into a sort of trance like state before he played. I loved that. He was so intense and focused when he played and absolutely mesmerizing to watch. His fingers fell to the keys then, tapping out the melody. It began in the upper register of the piano, with a simple left handed accompaniment, telling the story of what it had felt like for me the first time I saw into Edward's soul, saw the man that he was. I watched as he played, and when the time drew near for me to begin to play, Edward glanced in my direction, a very solemn expression on his face.

As if calling out to me, the melody moved to a lower register on the piano, and I drew my bow across my C string, the lowest string on the cello, walking my fingers halfway down a minor scale, playing together now with the piano. The cello accompaniment was even simpler than that of the piano, but as the two instruments joined together, the music gained depth, giving the composition a richer and fuller sound. Soon the cello mirrored the melody the piano played note for note whereas before it was but an echo of the melody. This was the union of my life with Edward's as I saw it. He was a song that had called to me; I had answered, and our lives had slowly twined together in a way that was as beautiful and as magical as the music that we played.

As we played together, the intensity with which both Edward and I felt the music increased. I leveled my eyes at Edward and watched him the entire time that I played. Edward seemed to understand what this music was and what it represented. And as our two instruments came together to simultaneously play the melody, I saw it as his chest constricted and his jaw went taught and he looked over at me, his eyes intensely studying me, boring right through me. The emotion swimming in his eyes at that moment was unmistakable and I recognized it because it was the single thing that had inspired me to write this song. It was love, pure and simple.

It never failed to fill me with awe the fact that this man actually felt for me what I felt for him, and as we held each other's gazes, making music together for the very first time, I blinked back the tears, really not wanting to cry. But sitting there in my living room, I realized how beautiful it was to be able to express how we felt for each other through our instruments. Somehow, it was as if music could convey the deepest parts of who we were and what we felt when words could never even come close. And so I did cry, but they were tears of pure joy. I honestly could not believe my fortune. To have found Edward was something I could never have imagined for myself. What I felt for him was something that quite frankly, I never even thought to exist - until now. Edward watched as the tears spilled down my cheeks, and he shook his head at me, smiling at me ever so tenderly. The music started to build in intensity then with the cello and the piano intermittently calling out one to the other, the echo of the melody the answer each offered. And as the piece drew to a close, Edward and I played together in the upper registers of our instruments before I began my descent down into the middle range of the cello, exaggerating the vibrato as I drew my bow across my strings for the final time.

The room was silent and still as Edward and I both sat still at our respective instruments. Presently, Edward looked over at me.

"That was beautiful," he said, his voice trailing off, his gaze unwavering.

"It was inspired by you," I whispered back simply.

With that, Edward slowly rose from the piano and walked over to me. He reached out and took the cello from my hand, gently resting it in its stand before offering me his hand. I accepted it, placing mine in his before he pulled me up from my chair and silently led me towards our room. Once inside the room, Edward led me over to the bed where he sat down, gently pulling me down by his side. Edward and I sat together on the side of the bed, our knees touching, our bodies turned towards one another, quietly studying each other. Neither one of us had spoken since finishing our duet. It seemed there weren't any words that could convey the depth of what we had just shared together. So we settled for comfortable silence. Presently, Edward reached out, brushing the back of his hand against my cheek. My eyes fell closed and I smiled lightly, leaning in towards his touch and relishing in the feel of his skin against mine.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered softly, and when I opened my eyes my breath hitched in my throat. Edward was staring at me, his gaze intense and demanding - almost hypnotic. The smile I'd worn moments before gently fell as I felt myself fall under his spell. I felt the air leave my body as I slowly exhaled the breath I'd taken only moments before, and watched as Edward breathed me in. He blinked once, but never took his eyes off of me.

"I love you too, Edward, so much," I whispered back and he nodded. And as if that were all the affirmation he needed, he leaned in toward me, blowing a stream of warm breath across my face before gently pressing his lips to mine. Our foreheads fell together, each of us already starting to breathe heavily, and I felt Edward's lips, soft and supple as they began to move slowly against mine. I kissed him back, tentatively at first, not wanting to rush things. I wanted to savor each moment of being with him, of kissing him and running my hands through his gloriously soft hair. I wanted to remember exactly what it felt like to feel him under my hands, to trace the planes of his face with my fingertips and to have my heart hammer wildly in my chest. I never wanted to forget how it felt to be drunk off of someone's presence, to feel utterly beholden to another human being. It was mind-bendingly intense, and I wanted to remember it _always_.

Edward and I sat together on the side of the bed for a long time, placing soft, gentle kisses on each other's lips. Every once in awhile one of us would moan, and our kissing would become more impassioned until eventually Edward's tongue moved to push my lips apart, to mingle with mine. I whimpered at the sensation, feeling it as I slowly started to lose control, feeling it as my body went warm all over. I wound my hands up and around his neck, running my fingers up into his hair, pulling him closer to me, all the while tugging at his exquisitely soft bronze locks. Edward moaned into my throat, pressing his lips harder against my own.

Without breaking the kiss, Edward slowly rose from his sitting position and situated himself on his knees atop the bed. He tugged on my hand, wordlessly asking me to do the same so that we both sat on bended knee facing each other. His left arm snaked around my back, drawing us closer together while his right hand reached out to cup my cheek, holding me firmly to his face. I began to breathe harder, the kissing becoming sloppier as I was overwhelmed by passion and by lust. I needed to breathe, so I broke away from the kiss. I looked up at Edward, into eyes glazed over with obvious desire. His breathing was ragged, and his arm tightened around my waist as he tried to pull me to him again. He leaned forward, sucking my lower lip into his mouth and I moaned at the sensation but resisted kissing him back. Instead, I continued to look up at him, holding his gaze.

I wasn't searching Edward's face for any particular emotion, I wasn't trying to decipher what it was he was thinking and I didn't need answers to any questions. I just wanted to look at him. I wanted to look at him and immerse myself in the exquisite happiness he brought into my life. Edward laughed softly, a small smile spreading across his face. His touch turned momentarily tender, his right hand moving to softly stroke my cheek while his left hand gently rubbed up and down my back.

"Are you okay?" He inquired, his voice rough with the passion of the moment, yet laced with genuine concern and sincerity.

His gentle way and concern for my emotional well being never ceased to move me and I blinked back tears that were fighting hard to spill over. I reached my hand out and ever so gently traced my index finger down his cheek and across his bottom lip. I felt Edward's lips purse as he kissed my finger, almost reverently, and I sighed.

"Yes," I answered simply before leaning forward to crush my lips against his, pulling his face hard against mine while at the same time pulling us both back onto the bed. We landed softly on the pillows, and in one fluid motion I shifted my weight so that I could move my legs out from under myself and pull Edward down on top of me. We both moaned as he came in contact with me, his rock hard erection straining against his pants, begging to be set free. Edward thrust his hips forward and I thrust up, which elicited another moan from the both of us. Edward buried his face in my neck then, peppering heated, wet kisses all over my flushed flesh. He worked his way up to my ear, dragging his tongue over my skin and nipping at my earlobe before thrusting his tongue deep into my ear. My body trembled at the sensation and I thrust my hips up into his again, whimpering at the sensation of his tightly constricted erection pressing against my swollen center. I whimpered, continuing to push up into him as Edward shuddered in response.

"Fuck, Bella, I want you so badly," he said before thrusting hard against me. Hearing Edward say fuck almost caused me to come undone right then and there. I reached out and pulled his face to mine, kissing him furiously, thrusting my tongue into his mouth while at the same time pushing up against him. He started grinding his hips against mine and I started to whimper again. Edward started kissing sloppily down my neck and past my collarbone then, stopping when he reached the buttons to my blouse. He sat up slowly, leaning back on his heels, before reaching forward and slowly unfastening the buttons. One by one he worked his way down my blouse until it lay completely open. He reached out with his forefinger, tracing a line from my sternum down to where my pants hugged my hips, and my hips thrust up involuntarily, begging him to unzip my jeans. I was dripping wet now and completely consumed by need. A small smug smile tugged at Edward's lips as he dragged his finger over the soft skin just under the waistline of my jeans, and I thrust my hips up at him again, begging him with my eyes to touch me. Instead, Edward removed his hand from my waistline and in one swift movement reached up and removed his t-shirt before reaching out and tugging at my blouse. I lifted my back up off the bed, assisting Edward as he simultaneously slipped off my blouse and unclasped my bra. He pulled the straps off my bra forward, sliding them down my arms and off my body before tossing both items of clothing onto the floor.

Edward and I faced each other in the dark, bare-chested and breathing raggedly. I watched as Edward reached his right hand out, gently cupping my left breast. Edward's thumb moved in gentle circles around my areola, moving closer still to my nipple until he grazed it with the pad of his thumb. It instantly hardened, and Edward groaned. Edward leaned forward then bringing his face to my chest and slowly drawing my nipple into his mouth. He sucked hard, his tongue swirling in circles around my areola before flicking across my nipple. Simultaneously, he reached up with his other hand and started kneading my right breast. I whimpered, losing myself in the sensation of his kneading and sucking. Before long Edward changed sides, licking and sucking just as he'd done the other. I ran my hands up into Edward's hair, tugging hard, whispering to him how good it felt and begging him to make me come. With that, he switched back to suckling my right breast while his left hand worked feverishly to unzip my pants. My body was worked into a near frenzy now and I lifted my hips up off of the bed in an effort to assist and to gain contact with his hand. Edward wasted no time removing my jeans and underwear before dragging his forefinger between my folds.

"Fuck you're wet," he moaned against my breast as he easily slid first one, then two fingers inside of me. I cried out, nearly blinded by the intensity of the sensation his fingers elicited as he pushed them slowly in, then out of me. His thumb grazed over my clit, and I thrust my hips up, plunging his fingers deeper inside of me and applying more pressure to my swollen center.

"Is that what you want, love? Do you want me to touch you there?" Edward crooned, ghosting his thumb over my clit again.

"Yes," I whimpered, my entire body shuddering as he began swirling his thumb over my clit. He simultaneously thrust his fingers inside of me and suckled my breast, and the combined sensation caused my eyes to roll to the back of my head.

"You're going to make me…." I panted out loud, feeling it as my thighs tightened in response to the intense pleasure I was experiencing.

"I'm going to make you what, say it for me Bella," Edward said roughly, unlatching himself from my nipple long enough to make his request. I gripped his hair between my fingers, pushing his head back down onto my breast.

"Fuck, you're going to make me come, Edward," I rasped as the shockwaves rippled through me. I felt myself tremble all over, my insides clamping down hard on Edward's fingers as he continued to thrust them inside of me, riding me through my orgasm. He continued to lap at my breast with his tongue, intermittently nipping at my nipple and sucking on my breast. I held tight to his hair as the last ripples of my orgasm coursed through my body. I was breathing heavily as I came down from my high, and Edward pulled his fingers from me, sitting up and back on his heels and looking down at me.

"God you're beautiful," he murmured, running both hands up my thighs and along my waist, coming to rest cupping both my breasts in either hand. I was struggling hard to get my senses about me but it was near impossible with Edward kneeling before me, his rock hard erection straining against his pants.

"I could say the same thing," I mused as I watched him. Edward swallowed hard, and I knew it was time. We'd waited long enough.

"Make love to me, Edward," I whispered in the dark, and he nodded. He slowly reached down and in one fluid motion unfastened his pants, pulling his jeans and boxer briefs down past his thighs, his erection springing free. I watched mesmerized by him the entire time, my eyes never leaving his as he disposed of his clothing on the floor and knelt before me between my legs. His cock twitched in anticipation of making love to me, and I felt myself grow wet again at the sight before me; Edward's body, lithe and lean, perfectly sculpted and beautiful in every sense of the word. Edward lowered himself onto me, hissing as he slipped the head of his cock just inside of my folds. He hovered over me, supporting his weight with his hands which now lay on either side of my head. He looked down at me and I up at him, each of us holding the other's gaze as he slowly pushed himself into me.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," I whispered back as I pushed my hips upward, taking more of him in. He groaned, his entire body trembling at the sensation, but he never took his eyes off of mine. He pushed in slowly, taking his time, pulling out entirely before pushing back in again. He repeated this movement until he was buried all the way inside of me.

"God you feel amazing, Bella," he groaned as our bodies began rocking against one another.

"So do you, baby, so good," I murmured back, having to fight with everything in me not to close my eyes. Everything felt so good and my natural inclination was to close my eyes so as to relish the feeling. But not now, I didn't want to close my eyes now. I didn't want to shut Edward out. Edward and I set a languid pace, neither one of us in any hurry to reach our climax, though I was certain that even at this pace neither one of us would last long. Instead, Edward and I watched each other, watched as our bodies moved together. And I thought to myself that nothing had ever felt like this before. I'd never wanted to possess and to be possessed by anyone as much as I wanted it with Edward. And the emotion and the intensity of our union took my breath away. I felt it as a small tear slid down my cheek and Edward reached up and gently wiped it away.

"I know," he whispered, as he reached down for my hand, bringing it up to the side of my head and lacing our fingers together. He did the same with his other hand so that now he lay atop me, his weight supported by his forearms as he gripped my hands tightly in his. He continued to rock against me and I continued to push up, our gaze never wavering. I felt it as my orgasm approached - the intense pleasure building up inside me to a powerful climax. Edward wasn't far from his, either. I could feel him as he twitched inside of me, having grown impossibly harder the longer we made love. And his movements, though still slow and gentle, were less focused now, more erratic. Edward groaned, and I bit down on my lower lip, moaning in response.

"I'm close, baby," Edward whispered, his thighs tightening against mine. "So close."

"Me, too," I said, pushing my hips upward, wanting to feel him buried as deep inside of me as possible. Edward's motions suddenly grew more frenetic, his hips smacking against mine as a primal growl escaped his throat. I felt my own body start to quake beneath him as Edward grunted, thrusting hard as his release pulsed inside of me. The sensation of him filling me drove me to my own climax and I tightened around him, milking him as he rode out the last of his orgasm. The look of pure ecstasy that crossed over Edward's face in that moment was matched only by my own, and we watched each other as we came together, each of us straining to possess the other with our bodies. Edward collapsed on me afterwards, our chests moving together in synchronization as we slowly regained control of our breathing. After a minute, he moved to pull out of me, but I protested, wrapping my arms around him and holding him firmly against my chest.

"Please, no," I said, not wanting our union to be broken. I was steeped in bliss, and wanted nothing more than to feel the weight of Edward in me and on me. It was soothing, more soothing than anything else I'd ever known. I felt Edward nod against my neck where he'd nestled his head and I held him there, running my fingers up and down his spine as he simultaneously trailed his across my collarbone.

We lay like that for awhile, nestled together in the dark with Edward still inside of me. The gentle thrum of Edward's heart beating against my chest and the warm, damp air he blew across my face as he slowly inhaled and exhaled was enough to lull me to sleep, until I felt his lips press against my neck. My eyes fluttered open at the sensation and I moaned softly as I felt him growing hard in me once more. Edward kissed my neck again, this time gently sucking on it before moving to hover over me. He bent his head down, kissing me softly as he started moving in me, slowly at first, then faster and harder until we both exploded in orgasm, Edward grunting and groaning into my neck and me dragging my fingernails across his back.

Afterwards we collapsed on our backs by each other's side, exhausted but thoroughly sated. We lay together quietly for a few minutes before Edward rolled to his side and rested his head on my chest just below my chin. Hooking his right leg over my own, he pulled himself tight against my side before reaching up with his hand that was not tucked between our bodies and grabbing my own. He held it firmly, resting both our hands over my rapidly beating heart.

"You're the only one for me, Bella. I love you," he murmured sleepily against my chest. I sighed, resting my head against his, loving that it was he who lay wrapped tightly in my arms. I buried my nose in his now wildly tousled yet still wonderfully soft hair and brought my other hand up to rake my fingers across his scalp. He hummed in appreciation, placing a small kiss to our linked hands before drifting off to sleep.

I lay there for awhile thinking absently of Sarah McLachlan's song _Possession,_ and the words filtered through my head as I ran my fingers through Edward's hair.

_And I would be the one  
To hold you down  
Kiss you so hard  
I'll take your breath away  
And after I'd  
Wipe away the tears  
Just close your eyes dear_

And I thought to myself, never could there have been a more perfect song to describe what it had been like to make love to Edward for the very fist time, because he did hold me down and kiss me so hard he took my breath away. And yes, afterward he ever so gently wiped away each small tear that trailed down my cheeks. And it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever experienced.

**Please take time to review. Thank you very much. **


	14. Needs

**Author's Notes: **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone! I appreciate your input! Please continue to review and let me know what you think!**

**BIG, BIG thanks to skyeblue0610 for taking time to "beta" this story for me. Thank you in particular for your work on this chapter! You're the best!**

**This is it until after Christmas. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you. I hope you all enjoy yourselves!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Needs **

I awoke, lying naked in the middle of my bed. I was noticeably cold, goose bumps having scattered themselves about my skin. And I was noticeably, alone. I yawned sleepily, sitting up slightly, supporting my weight on my elbows and forearms. I glanced around the room, but Edward was nowhere to be seen. It was just past four in the morning, and a rush of panic immediately shot through me. We'd fallen asleep together only hours before after having made the most amazing and intense love to one another; but now he was gone. My arms felt empty and I ached to touch him and for him to touch me.

Just then I heard a soft sound emanating from the living room. He was trying to play quietly, but I heard him nonetheless. It didn't bother me that he was playing the piano at four in the morning; he did this from time to time. But the song that he had selected to play - Chopin's _Prelude #15 in D Flat _did bother me somewhat. Beautiful though it was, it caused me to worry that maybe something was wrong. I slipped from bed, smiling lightly to myself - despite my concern for Edward, at the pile of clothes that lay scattered about the floor. Making love to Edward had been the most beautiful…spiritual, really, experience of my life. Yet here I stood, Chopin's haunting melody floating through the living room and into our bedroom. I shivered, whether from the cold or from my ever growing anxiety that something was wrong I wasn't sure, and quickly moved to slip on a pair of Edward's sweat pants and one of his t-shirts before walking out into the living room.

I entered the room quietly, not wanting to disturb Edward. I resisted the urge to go immediately to him, wanting instead to just listen to him play, and truthfully, the vision before me took my breath away. Edward sat at the piano, _his_ piano, I thought absently, bathed by the light of the moon. He had slipped on a pair of black flannel pajama bottoms, but wore no shirt. And I watched, mesmerized by his movements, completely under his spell. I watched as the muscles in his back bent and flexed to accommodate the movement of his hands as he drew them sinuously across the keys. The melody was relatively light and wandering at first, before turning noticably darker and more focused. I watched as the muscles in his back grew measurably more taught as Edward drove his hands down forcefully against the keys. Though the piece demanded it, I still flinched, overwhelmed by the intensity with which he played and staring wide eyed as his head fell forward and started moving ever so slightly in time with the music. Suddenly it was all too much for me. The passion and intensity with which he played and his choice of music had me thoroughly confused, and slightly panicked. It was clear to me that Edward was brooding, and I didn't know why.

My presence was of yet unnoticed, I thought, though I wondered to myself as I moved towards him if he had known I was there all along. I came to stand directly behind him, tentatively reaching my right hand out towards him. My hand was shaking as I made contact with his skin, slowly dragging the palm of my hand across his shoulders. He tensed reflexively at my touch before visibly relaxing. He continued to play. I reached out with my other hand then, placing a palm on either shoulder and closing my eyes, allowing myself to feel the movement of his body under my hands. I could feel the reverberations of the music flow through his body as he played, and it was at once stunning, a sensation like no other I'd ever known, our bodies humming together. Presently I made to kneel on the floor behind him, drawing the palms of my hands down his back before winding them around his waist and laying my head to rest in the center of his back. I held tightly to him, sighing against him as the music drew to a close.

When he finished playing, his hands came to rest gently on top of mine. I squeezed him, leaning in to press a kiss to the soft skin on his back before resting my head against him again. We both sat like that for awhile, neither one of us saying anything. I knew that something was bothering Edward, and I hoped that he would talk to me about it…when he was ready. So I sat there with him, holding him, trying to communicate to him with my touch that I was there for him and that he could talk to me. Presently, he did. I sensed movement as he turned his head ever so slightly to the left, indirectly addressing me. Though I looked up to him, he stared forward, an intense, brooding gaze painting his beautiful face. It sent shivers down my spine. And when he finally spoke, his voice was eerily beautiful, yet oddly detached.

"Can I tell you something without my upsetting you?" he asked softly. And while my blood pumped furiously through my veins and my heart pounded wildly in my chest at his words, I knew I owed it to him to just listen, to just listen to what he had to say. He'd done that for me a thousand times over already.

"Of course baby, you can tell me anything, always," I said, and I could feel his body relax, if only infinitesimally, at my words. Edward was quiet again for a moment, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly before he spoke.

"This is all very confusing to me," he whispered quietly as his eyes fell closed, and it was almost as if he were confessing his deepest, darkest secrets to me of which he was greatly ashamed. I knew immediately what he was talking about; that he was referring to us and to our relationship. And while his words at once filled me with anxiety and dread, I could not deny that this was all very confusing to me too. And I found myself shutting my eyes, hugging him to me hard as I whispered assurances against his back.

"It is to me too, baby. It is to me, too."

Edward's hands held fast to mine and I moved to twine our fingers together. He reacted immediately, threading our fingers together and giving my hands a gentle squeeze.

"Does it frighten you, Edward?" I asked very seriously a few moments later when he hadn't said anything. Surprisingly, and somewhat confusingly, he chuckled softly and he turned his head far enough past his shoulder then so that he could look down at me. I gazed up at him from under my eyelashes, searching his eyes, wanting desperately to lessen the anxiety I felt. What I saw reassured me.

"Perhaps that's what confounds me the most," he mused absently. "It doesn't," he said with firm conviction. "Your presence in my life comforts me and directs me, Bella. It gives my life purpose and makes me feel whole. All this time, I never even realized there was something missing, until I met you. I need you, Bella. I need you in ways I've never needed anyone before. And I guess that's what's so confusing to me, the intensity of my need, of my feelings for you after such a short period of time. I've…I've tried to make sense of it…tried to reason through this hold you have on me, this hold that we…we have on each other. But I can't." I thought carefully about what Edward had said before offering him my thoughts.

"Have you ever considered that maybe we're not meant to make sense of it? That maybe, just maybe, we're a part of something bigger than ourselves here? Maybe you were right Edward, maybe we're actually fate."

Edward didn't respond to what I said, and instead sat quiet for a long time, the room now eerily silent save the gentle whoosh of air that accompanied our breathing. After awhile, I drew my arms from around Edward's waist, bringing my hands to his back and slowly running the palm of each hand up and down the length of his back. His skin was soft and supple and I felt him quiver under my touch. He turned his head to the side again, looking at me from over his shoulder. Our eyes met and slowly, I rose to my feet. My knees cracked from having sat in a kneeling position for so long, and Edward and I both chuckled softly before I sat down beside him so that my back was turned towards the piano.

"Do you believe Edward?" I asked, turning my head to look up at him. I wondered now if he actually did. He'd told me we were fate early on, and I remembered clearly what it was those words did to me. They sent shivers down my spine. But I wondered now if he truly believed in fate. So I asked him. "Do you truly believe in fate?" Edward had been looking down at his hands which were folded neatly in his lap, but he looked over at me then, his beautiful green eyes holding my own.

"I didn't until I met you," he whispered softly. I nodded, because I knew precisely how he felt; I felt the exact same way. I reached my left hand out then, drawing it down his right cheek, bringing it to rest cupping his face in my hand. And I watched as his eyes glazed over with obvious desire and I listened as his breathing rate accelerated and I felt it as his presence surrounded me completely as he bent his face towards mine, gently touching our foreheads together before pressing his lips softly to mine. I sighed, kissing him back as I ran my hand along his neck and tangled my fingers into his hair. I used the leverage this allowed me to pull his face closer to mine, and he moaned softly, pushing his tongue forward into my mouth and deepening the kiss. I was at once aroused and could see that he was, too. And God, I needed this, needed to be with him again, even though we'd already made love three times this night. I needed to be connected to him, to feel him inside of me, to feel him on me. And from the way he looked at me and his eyes bore through me, he needed it too.

We sat together on the piano bench, just kissing one another for a long while before Edward pulled away. He studied me, his eyes roaming up and down the length of my body before emitting a sound that could only be described as a low growl from his chest. It startled me almost as much as it turned me on.

"You're wearing my clothes," he said, his stare uncomfortably intense. I looked down at myself, realizing that I was indeed wearing his sweat pants and t-shirt. It's all I wore to bed anymore. But Edward had never seen me dressed this way.

"I…I…" I turned my head away from him, suddenly embarrassed. "I started wearing them when you were away. They smelled like you…it was comforting to me…it made me feel close to you even though you were thousands of miles away," I said, peeking up at him from under my eyelashes. He swallowed hard before speaking, and when he did, he seemed to be trying hard to exhibit self control, as each word was spoken slowly…carefully…yet oh so alluringly.

"Do you have any idea what that does to me to see you sitting before me wearing my clothes?" My eyes at once grew wide and I gulped, my face immediately turning three shades of red. Edward reached out with his left hand, dragging his pointer finger slowly, purposefully, down my right cheek. I quivered as he paused at my collar bone, learning forward to place an open-mouthed kiss to my neck and I shuddered as I felt his tongue thrust forward, tasting me. My eyes fell closed as he began to gently suck. His finger traveled further down my body, ghosting past my heaving chest and down the center of my stomach before coming to rest right at the hem of my…_his_ pants.

He continued to suck gently at my neck while simultaneously slipping his hand up and under his shirt, skimming it up my belly and to my right breast which ached for his touch. I shuddered again and Edward groaned against my neck when his hand came in contact with the soft flesh. He began massaging and kneading me, all the while sucking my neck harder. My head fell back, and my mouth hung open as I gave myself over to the sensation of Edward's mouth and hand working my body. But as much as I wanted to just close my eyes and drown in his sweet touch, I wanted for him to feel pleasure, too. I reached out with my left hand then, finding what I was looking for immediately; it was rock hard and straining against his flannel pajama bottoms. He hissed when he felt my hand move up to tug at the hem of his pants and we both groaned when I pulled down sharply and his erection sprung free.

"Fuck, baby," he moaned, his head falling against my shoulder as I wrapped my hand around him and started stroking, softly at first, then progressively harder. Edward relaxed under my touch, his legs falling further apart on the bench, his breaths coming in short bursts against my neck. I felt him kiss sloppily up my neck toward my ear and I cried out when he nipped at my earlobe and pinched my nipple at exactly the same moment. The movement of my hand faltered momentarily at the intense sensation, but I quickly returned to stroking him.

"Your hand on me is exquisite," he rasped in my ear before pulling his head away and lolling it backward. "Uh…ungh…it feels so good, love." His words traveled straight to my now soaked center and I realized I wanted him as much in that moment as ever before. But I wanted to give this to him, first. I wanted to make him come first; I wanted him to release all of the tension and anxiety that seemed to be plaguing him. I didn't want him to be confused, or overwhelmed. I wanted him to center himself in me; in us. I squeezed him harder, moving up and down his throbbing length faster still and drawing my thumb over the head of his cock with each pass, the act of which caused him to gasp. His mouth hung open now, and his eyes were closed, his face twisted into the most beautiful portrait of ecstasy I think I'd ever seen. I could tell he was close as his hand gently slipped from my breast, coming to rest between the two of us, tightly clenching the piano bench as did his other hand.

"I love you, baby. I need you so much," I whispered as I felt his cock grow once again harder under my touch. He moaned, his eyes opening to meet mine. He was panting now, his hips thrusting upward into my hand.

"Harder," he grunted, his eyes focused on mine. "Oh God…so fucking good…I…I need it harder, baby," he rasped.

"Show me," I said, stilling my hand momentarily and his gaze grew noticeably more intense as he reached out with his left hand and wrapped his long fingers lithely around mine. He began to move our hands up and down his swollen length. He moved slowly at first, gliding our hands up and down his entire length, hissing softly when I grazed his tip with the pad of my thumb. He quickly built up speed though, moving our hands faster and harder until he was forcefully slamming our hands down against the base of his cock before traveling back to the tip then slamming them back down again. Up and down our hands moved together until my bicep was burning from pumping him so hard and I thought to myself that it was ridiculously awkward to be doing this together, but fuck me if it wasn't erotic as hell to have his hand cover mine as I brought him to the brink of orgasm.

"Fuck…I'm gonna come baby," he sputtered moments later as he quickly pulled his hand away, grabbing the bench and clenching it hard, his hips slamming into my hand as he came hard against his bare stomach. My hand continued to furiously pump his hardened length until his hands relaxed and his hips stilled and he sat there trembling, the last remnants of his orgasm rippling through him. We both sat there as he took a moment to regain control over himself.

"Wow, if I would have known it would elicit that sort of reaction from you, I would have started wearing your clothes a long time ago," I teased. Edward chuckled softly, his breathing having returned to normal, though his eyes were still hooded and heavy with what could only be described as raw need. I swallowed hard, feeling it as my heart started to thrum wildly in my chest.

"Is that so?" he said, reaching down to slip off his pants so that he now sat naked at the bench. He wiped his stomach off before tossing the pants to the side.

"Stand up, Bella," Edward commanded softly, and though startled by the forcefulness of his words, I immediately complied. At the same time, Edward drew his legs across the piano bench one by one, pivoting in his seat so that he now sat facing me. His eyes once again raked slowly up and down my body, just as they had before, and I noticed with great pleasure that he was once again fully erect. He was an awesome sight sitting there on the piano bench before me, the soft glow of the moonlight bathing his face that stared at me in utter and complete wanton desire.

"God you're a vision," he breathed, his voice low and gravelly, his words lending a voice to my very own thoughts. He reached out with his right hand, gently taking mine in his before pulling me towards him so that my knees settled between his thighs, flush against the bench. "But I must say that as much as I love seeing you wearing my clothes…," he hesitated, looking up to me and cocking a small grin before continuing, "I love seeing you naked even more," he growled before firmly grasping my…_his_ t-shirt in either of his two hands and lifting it up and over my head in one graceful move. I inhaled sharply, taken completely off guard by his quick movement. Edward chuckled again before encircling my waist with his right arm and taking my right breast in his left hand. I moaned at the sensation as he kneaded the tender flesh. He pressed softly at the small my back, urging me forward so that he could take me into his mouth, and when he did, I cried out, running my fingers up into his hair, pulling and tugging at him as he sucked me hard.

"Oh God baby, I…I…ugh…you make me feel so good…but…but I…I need more." My head fell back as I felt my entire body give way to Edward's touch.

'What is it love?" he whispered softly against me. "Tell me what you need. I'll do anything for you…anything." I reached down with my left hand, gently brushing it over the tip of his engorged length. I moaned when I realized it was slick with pre-cum.

"I…I need to feel you in me," I managed to say, bringing my head forward as I felt his hands travel down my sides to the hem of his sweatpants. He hooked both his thumbs under the fabric, pulling them down my legs and slipping them off of my feet while I steadied myself at his shoulders. We faced one another then, naked, each of gazing at the other with wondrous eyes before Edward reached out and in one blindingly quick movement gripped my hips, sweeping me up off of my feet so that I came to rest on my knees, straddling his lap.

"I need to feel me in you, too, baby," Edward whispered, reaching behind me to grip my ass in either hand and bringing me forward so that my soaked center brushed against his throbbing erection. We both moaned at the contact before Edward gently hefted me up, lining himself up before pushing me down on him. We both cried out as he sunk all the way into me, filling me completely in every sense of the word. We began moving together, me pushing up on my knees before sliding back down on top of him again, him rocking his hips upwards, pushing himself inside of me as deep as he could go. His hands gripped me from behind and he stared up at me in amazement as I tangled my fingers into his beautiful locks, gripping him firmly, anchoring myself to him in every way possible as I rocked into him. With each downward thrust he groaned, and I reached down with my right hand, placing the palm of my hand flat against his chest, right over his rapidly beating heart, absorbing the vibrations of each and every utterance he emitted. And Alice was right. Already I did need this…need him…like I needed air to breath.

I could feel my impending orgasm pushing at the edges of my control as I struggled to hold off. My head fell forward against his shoulder and I stroked his hair softly as I whispered endearments into his ear. I told him of my love for him, told him how I needed him, how my entire existence was tied to him…to us, now. I told him it was okay to be confused, because I was confused too, but to be certain of one thing, that I had given him my heart, that I was his and his alone, and there would never be anything or anyone that would change that. I needed him to know that.

Our movements had slowed to a rhythmic rocking while I spoke to him, but when I whispered into his ear that I was his, Edward's hips thrust up more forcefully, pushing himself deeper yet inside of me, and he cried out as his orgasm filled me, "I love you, Bella. God I love you so much." And in turn, his words set me free. I pushed down hard on him, holding fast to his shoulders, throwing my head back and arching my back as I rode us both through our orgasms. Edward's hands slipped up my back, supporting me as I huffed and breathed, relishing in the beautiful bliss that consumed my body as I slowly came down from my post coital high. Edward's head slumped forward, his forehead resting against my chest, his ragged breaths bathing my chest in warm, sweet air. I brought myself forward, wrapping my arms firmly around his neck, holding him to me tightly and kissing the top of his head softly before resting my head atop his. We sat there like that, our bodies linked together in every manner possible, until our breathing returned to normal. I was the one who reluctantly broke our union then, crawling off of Edward's lap and moving to stand before him. He reached out to me, grasping my hand in his own and pulling it to his mouth where he placed a soft kiss to the back of my hand before standing up by my side. We walked together hand in hand to our bedroom where we both dressed in clean sweat pants and t-shirts, belonging to Edward, of course… and crawled under the delightfully warm down comforter.

"Work tomorrow?" I murmured sleepily as I lay on my back beside Edward. I was suddenly worried he'd fall asleep only to have to turn right around and crawl out of bed to make it to work for an early morning cast call.

"No," he answered softly into the still dark night. "Not until the evening, anyways." I was at once relieved he'd be able to get some rest, all the while saddened by the thought of not being able to spend tomorrow evening with him.

"Bella?" Edward called my name not a moment later.

"Hmm," I mumbled, fighting hard to stay awake.

"Thank you," he whispered softly, reaching out and pulling me against his chest, kissing the top of my head.

"For what?" I asked, draping my left leg over his and pulling me snug against his side. I nestled my head against his chest and sighed contentedly.

"For understanding," he whispered, and I nodded my head, turning my face to kiss the soft hair on his chest before closing my eyes and drifting off into a much fulfilled sleep.

Several hours…okay many hours later, I lay in bed dreaming…of Edward, of course. We were walking together, hand in hand, on a beautiful white sand beach. We were alone, and when Edward paused, turning to look at me, I knew we were thinking the same thing. He lowered us slowly to the ground, the soft sand cushioning our bodies as they twined together, the sound of the water lapping gently at the shore the only other sound outside of our moans…

"Good morning, love," Edward crooned, reaching out and pulling my body flush against his so that my back rested against his stomach and my rump settled into the crook of his hips. "You were dreaming," he observed in a tantalizingly sexy voice. And oh my God, it was quite possibly the most exquisite feeling ever to awaken in Edward's arms with him speaking to me in _that_ voice.

"Mmmhmm…" I murmured, scooting closer to Edward. I wanted…needed to be as close to him as possible, and no matter how hard I tried, it never seemed like it was enough. Edward seemed to understand, as he slipped his right leg between my two legs, winding it tightly around mine, pulling me even closer to him. I hummed in appreciation.

"What was it about?" he asked softly as he placed a warm, moist kiss to my neck. I shivered as his lips made contact with my skin and he chuckled softly against me. Two could play at this game.

"You…of course," I breathed huskily, and as I playfully ground my rump against his groin, he growled…and I was immediately aroused and ready for him, despite the fact that I'd had already had him…many times over…only hours before. Yet here I lay, wanting him, needing him, again…and apparently the need was mutual, as he pushed his growing erection into my behind. It ended there, though. As much as we obviously wanted each other, I think we were honestly both too damn tired. So instead, we lay together quietly in companionable silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

"I had a dream, too," Edward mentioned absently a little while later as he trailed his pointer finger lazily up and down my arm, and his somewhat detached tone of voice caused me to shift in his arms so that we lay facing one another on our sides, each of us propped up on our elbows. I took a moment to study Edward; his normally lustrous bronze locks were now slightly matted and hung sloppily about his face. Yet he was still so beautiful. He smiled lightly at me as I stared at him, but it was a tentative smile, and it didn't light up his entire face as his smiles so often did. Instead, it simply tugged at his lips, and it was then that I noticed his brows furrowed in concentration, and I knew at once that something was bothering him, and thought to myself that it must have something to do with his dream.

"What was it about?" I questioned him softly, reaching out to ghost my fingers across his cheek. He turned towards my touch, his eyes falling closed as a soft sigh escaped his slightly parted lips.

"I dreamt of you and me," he said softly, his eyes still closed before opening them again and meeting mine. He reached out and took a lock of my hair in his hand and began spinning it about his index finger. "I dreamt we were walking together through the streets of New York City at Christmastime, window shopping. It was evening time, and it was snowing lightly and there were carolers standing on almost every corner."

"It sounds wonderful, baby," I interrupted him, and he smiled a somewhat sad, wistful smile at me before continuing.

"It was," he responded decisively. "We ducked into a small coffee shop and ordered ourselves two tall coffees and some freshly baked gingerbread and then we sat outside on the veranda, listening to the carolers sing their songs and watching the passers-by."

I watched Edward closely as he recounted his dream to me. He smiled lightly all the while, yet his voice was laced with sadness…or was it longing, I thought. And I couldn't decide what it was that was causing him to appear so distressed when he was recounting an otherwise idyllic dream…and then it hit me…and I got it. I waited for him to finish speaking before speaking myself.

"In this dream, Edward, we were just two young lovers, unknown to anyone but ourselves, enjoying the sights of the season, weren't we?" I said slowly, carefully, and though he looked my way and slowly nodded, he didn't have to. I knew the answer to my question before I even asked.

"I'm sorry, baby," I said, suddenly feeling very sad for Edward, knowing he wanted something he just couldn't have and wanting to reach out to him and comfort him because of it. "I wish it could be that way for you…for us. Believe me; I'd love nothing more than to be some anonymous individual, never having to look over my shoulder, wondering who might be watching me, wanting to print something about me…" I trailed off as I became lost in my own thoughts, though what Edward said next immediately brought me back to the here and now.

"Who are we talking about here, Bella?" Edward asked, studying me curiously, and I hesitated only a moment before answering.

"You…of course," I replied rather clumsily, stumbling over my words. He eyed me suspiciously for only a moment before sighing and reaching out and twirling my hair in his finger again.

"It won't be like this forever," Edward mused, more to him than to me, I suspected. Nevertheless I was relieved to hear a hint of optimism in his voice. "One day soon I'll be yesterday's news; some other up and coming young actor will take my place, and I can't say I'll envy him." Edward chuckled softly. "Fame has its benefits…but it has its drawbacks, too," he said, tugging gently on my hair. I nodded in understanding. "Before I met you, it didn't really bother me so much," he continued. "Not to say I enjoyed living my life in the public eye, but now…there's so much more at stake now," he said very seriously, looking me straight in the eye. And I couldn't help but think to myself that Edward was trying to get at something, albeit in a very roundabout way. But before I had a chance to sort through my thoughts, Edward made a request of me; a very simple request to be sure, my answer to which however was not.

"I'd like for you to attend the premiere of my film with me," he stated simply, and I struggled to maintain an indifferent façade. Deep down I'd known that this was coming. I knew that he was going to ask me to attend the premiere of his film with him, and honestly, I was surprised he hadn't asked me already. And while I'd given my response a considerable amount of thought, I hadn't yet decided whether or not I would agree to go. There were several factors I had to take into consideration here, not the least of which was the very public setting. For sure, Edward and I would be the hot topic, and our relationship would no longer be a secret. Of course…there was a good chance that as of tomorrow morning, when the new issue of _Hollywood Now_ was released, that this would be the case, anyway. I was hoping that Edward had been correct in his assessment of the magazine in that it was an unreliable, trashy tabloid that nobody took seriously. If this was the case, perhaps we could continue to slide under the radar for just a bit longer. Just until after the premiere…..

"Bella?" Edward called my name, breaking me away from my thoughts that were rapidly spinning out of control. He looked to me expectantly, searching my face for an answer to his question that I wasn't yet ready to give. I started to panic a little, overwhelmed by the possible implications of my answer either way. Like I said before, this was not a simple yes or no request.

"Edward," I started carefully, being sure to look him straight in the eye. "This isn't exactly the best time for me," and I winced at how callous that sounded. _This_ _is the fucking premiere of his film for God's sake Bella_, I reprimanded myself sharply. But the truth was I had to perform as a soloist with the school's orchestra at their winter concert less than a week later. To fly away with Edward to L.A. over Thanksgiving weekend would mean I had little time to finish preparing for my performance. I told him as such, and he huffed, slightly annoyed, I could tell.

"You can't be serious Bella. You're a genius, you can probably play Haydn's cello concerto better than Yo-Yo Ma himself for Christ's sake. And if it's that critical that you not be away from your cello for three days, then bring it with you!" Edward was growing more annoyed with me now. He sat up in bed, running the fingers of both his hands through his hair causing it to stick up in all different directions.

"Edward, please," I gently pleaded, pulling myself up into a sitting position by his side. "It's not that I don't want to be there with you. I do. I want to be there with you to support you…to show you how proud I am of you….to show you how much I love you…" I drew my legs against my chest and rested my head on my knees. I didn't want to fight with Edward, and hated that there was suddenly a thick cloud of tension that surrounded us.

"Then why don't you?" he challenged me quietly. "And don't tell me you have other obligations, because honestly Bella, it feels like you're making excuses." I winced at his words. They stung. But they were true. I sighed. I didn't really want to discuss the next subject. But, putting all other issues aside, if I was really going to consider attending his premiere, he had to know. He had to know that Melinda had called and he had to know how Melinda felt about me. She was his agent after all, and I was certain she would be none too thrilled if I simply showed up unannounced at the premiere of _By the Light of the Moon_. I swallowed hard. I wasn't exactly sure how to broach the subject, so I decided to do exactly what Edward had done when he'd asked me to attend his premiere; I decided to just throw it all out there.

"Melinda called me," I said simply, and now it was Edward's turn to be speechless. He sat beside me, his eyes boring into mine, shaking his head as if what I'd just said to him made absolutely no sense at all.

"Wh…what? When?" he stammered, "and what does this have to do with you attending my premiere?"

"Five days ago; and it has everything to do with my attending your premiere because I don't think she'll be very happy with either one of us if I do," I said somewhat bitterly, my hurt feelings over the incident getting the best of me. Edward, who had been tense and terse with me only moments before, now softened considerably, turning to me and sighing.

"Why didn't you tell me she called?" he inquired, obviously slightly exasperated, but trying to keep his control. He seemed completely stupefied by my decision to keep this from him. I shrugged my shoulders.

"That's not good enough Bella," Edward huffed.

"I don't know, Edward," I wailed, throwing my hands up in the air. I felt hot tears prickling at the back of my eyes and I hardened my face, swearing to myself that I would not let them fall. "I…I didn't want to cause any more issues than I already have. And I didn't want to stress you out," I said, once again laying my head on my knees. Edward sighed, shaking his head at me. He made to speak, but I put my hand up to interrupt him. I wanted to finish what I had to say. "And while she definitely lacks tact, I…I think she was just worried about you." I hesitated a moment before continuing, choosing my words very carefully so as not to upset Edward too much. "Melinda doesn't believe I am in your best interest, Edward. She feels I'm…somewhat of a distraction." That did it. I watched as what can only be described as raw anger flashed across Edward's face.

"Did she say that to you?" he asked, his eyes growing wide with disbelief.

"In as many words…yes," I replied blankly, trying hard not to get too emotional over this.

"Aargh!" Edward cried out, slipping his hands back up into his hair and tugging hard at his locks. "I can't believe this! She had no goddamn business calling you! Why the fuck can't people just leave us the hell alone?" he cried out in frustration. And while I winced at his angry words, I found myself asking the same question. But we both already knew the answer.

"I just want to take my girlfriend," Edward hesitated, looking me directly in the eye before continuing, "the woman I love to the premiere of my film. That's all," he said, sounding suddenly very sad…and resigned before turning away from me. "I need you to be there with me," he whispered as his head fell to his hands. And that was it. That was all it took. My decision was immediately made.

"Okay," I whispered softly. To hell with the fact that I was more than likely expediting the revelation of my own hidden truth, or that I still panicked at the thought of all the photographers that would be there taking our picture, or the fact that this was it; the whole world would now know that I was dating Edward Cullen. And to hell with the fact that Melinda would probably be looking to serve my head on a platter. None of that mattered to me in that moment. All that mattered, all that _really_ mattered, was the fact that Edward needed me by his side, and I realized that I needed to be there by his side, too. Edward looked up at me. He was breathing hard, and his eyes were stained with…with tears?

"Edward, are you crying?" I asked, laughing lightly as his own tears gave permission for mine to fall as well. Edward laughed, too, wiping at his dampened eyes with the pads of his fingers before scooting closer to my side. He tucked his legs up against his chest and laid his head on his knees just as I'd done earlier. I mimicked his action, laying my head on my own knees so that our faces were only inches apart.

"Thank you," he said, reaching over and wiping a tear from my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "I just really need for us to be able to act as normal as is possible given our situation, and it seems completely normal to me that you would accompany me to my premiere. I know I can never give you the luxury of anonymity Bella, I can never give you my dream…"

I silenced Edward with a single press of my finger to his lips.

"Sshh," I whispered, shaking my head back and forth against my knee. "I don't need that Edward. All I need is you." Edward smiled contentedly at me, his eyes falling closed as he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to my lips. It was a simple gesture, but after having spent the last hour in heated discussion with him, his body notably separated from mine, it felt good to reestablish our connection. I kissed him back, slowly, letting my tongue trace the outline of his deliciously soft lips. He moaned into my mouth as I did so, reaching out to twine his fingers into my hair before he pulled me to him and moved to deepen the kiss. But I stopped him. I pulled away from him, each of us breathily heavily already. His eyes searched mine for an explanation and I sighed. Maybe this wasn't the best time or the best place, but since I'd opened the line of communication with him regarding Melinda, I felt it was important that we discuss the true purpose of her call.

"There's more," I said, having regained control of my breathing, and Edward looked at me curiously, slowly drawing his hand from my hair and once again sitting up in bed.

"More?" he asked, furrowing his brow in puzzlement, and I sat up in bed again, too. I nodded my head, looking down to where my hands lay folded neatly in my lap.

"Melinda mentioned you've decided to take a small break from acting, Edward; she said you weren't reading any more scripts." My words seemed to hang in the air, and I looked over at Edward at the same moment in which his entire body went rigid.

"That wasn't her right or her place to tell you that," Edward said very coolly, his eyes focused forward at nothing in particular.

"I agree," I said firmly. It most definitely wasn't her right _or_ her place. "But I'm glad she did. I need to know these things, Edward. We need to be able to talk about these types of things with one another." And I did feel incredibly hypocritical sitting there admonishing Edward for keeping things from me, because in truth, I'd kept so much more from him…still. But that didn't change the fact that I wanted Edward to know that he could talk to me about anything. Edward sat quietly, not saying anything, so I decided to gently prompt him. I didn't want him to seize up, to start to brood and to go off to some place in his head where I couldn't reach him; because he did that sometimes. And when that happened, I found it was better to just leave him alone. But I didn't want to leave him alone now.

"Can you tell me why?" I asked, trying my best to sound encouraging. Edward considered my request carefully, his brows pulled tight in concentration before turning to face me with his answer.

"I would…" he paused, seeming to search for the proper words to say before continuing. "I would if I could, Bella, but I don't think that I can," he finished, saying nothing more.

"Wh..what?" I asked. Why in the hell was he speaking so cryptically? "Edward, that doesn't make any sense," I said, shaking my head at him, now thoroughly confused.

"I know, I know," he replied, shaking his head, too. He appeared frustrated with himself, and seemed to be growing more agitated. "That is precisely my point, Bella. None of this makes any sense." Edward grew very quiet then, and when he turned to face me again, his eyes were ablaze with an intensity that drew the breath from my lungs and commanded I look straight at him.

"Bella…" he began, his voice low and focused. "I want you to listen very carefully to me." And his words immediately sent a shiver down my spine. "What if I were to tell you that I never should have met you, that our paths never should have crossed…" Almost immediately my heart started pounding wildly in my chest, and my hands which lay crossed neatly in my lap started trembling in the slightest. What on earth was he saying? What did he mean when he said our paths never should have crossed? I forced myself to try to be reasonable, to try to focus on what it was that he was trying to say to me despite the fact that I was completely panic stricken by his words. "What if I were to tell you that I was never meant to take that flight from L.A. to New York back in September but that an absolutely incredible and most unlikely chain of events meant that I was on that red-eye flight, meant that I did meet you, and as if it were fated to happen, meant that our paths did cross…"

Oh my God. Honestly, those were the only three words that ran through my head in that moment. All this talk of fate was keeping my mind suspended in a perpetual state of confusion.

"Edward…I…."

'No, Bella. Please let me finish. I don't expect you to understand what I'm about to say to you because Christ, I don't understand it myself. But please, I'm asking you to just trust me." His features notably softened then, and he reached over and took my hand in his, threading our fingers together before looking me in the eye wearing the most serious of expressions. "Can you do that for me baby?" his eyes pleading with me to say yes. "Can you trust me?"

I nodded my head slowly, squeezing his hand in additional affirmation. "Yes; yes I do…and I can." Edward exhaled sharply, visibly relieved at my response.

"I don't know why exactly I felt it would be better for me not to read any scripts for the time being, Bella," Edward started, and he had my full and undivided attention. "All I know is that I feel firmly that it's important that we spend as much time together as we can now, building our relationship. I've never felt more certain of anything in my life, Bella. And I don't mean to scare you with the intensity of my words; Christ I hope this doesn't frighten you. It's not meant to. It's just how I feel, and I feel it strongly enough to know that I'm making the right decision for me and for you…for us." Edward finished speaking, and immediately looked to me for reassurance that everything was okay, that I wasn't totally freaked out by what he'd said, and that I could do as he asked of me and just trust him. And as overwhelming as this…Jesus Christ as everything in my life was…I did trust Edward. I trusted him wholly and completely with my heart and with my life.

"Okay," I breathed slowly, and Edward relaxed even more, his shoulders sinking down and his head falling forward as he took a deep breath and then exhaled. "I just…I just don't want for you to have to give anything up for me…for us, Edward." And though the greater part of me realized this was so much more than that, I still had to say it. I still had to let him know that I didn't expect him to give up his ambitions to be with me. He nodded, reaching out now to ghost his fingers down the side of my cheek.

"I understand what you're saying, love. But it's not about that." And with that, he reached over and drew me to his chest, placing a soft kiss to the top of my head. We both lay back then, and I snuggled my body against his under the covers, my head coming to rest on his chest as he absently stroked up and down the length of my hair with his left hand.

We lay together in bed for a very long time, neither one of us saying anything, both of us lost in our own thoughts. It was strange to feel so strongly that the forces of fate were at work in my life, strange to find that after having spent the last nine years trying to exert as much control over my life as was humanly possible that perhaps I had none at all. It was…terrifying I thought, while at the same time comforting; because it was just so damn hard to keep that control. And it was slipping; I'd felt it slipping since the day I met Edward. With each passing day I felt it as I awakened from what can only be described as an emotional coma. And to know that perhaps this was meant to happen, and that any effort on my part to thwart this process would be met with failure, gave me permission to start to open up and to let go. I thought a lot about all of these things as I lay there in Edward's arms, and eventually my brain turned to absolute mush. It was then that I turned my thoughts back to Melinda, and I was curious. Though I'd agreed to accompany Edward to his premiere, I was still worried about what Melinda's reaction would be. I preferred that Edward speak to Melinda ahead of time so that at least it didn't come as a shock to see Edward exit the limo with his arm linked round mine.

"Edward?" I patted his chest and looked up at him from where my head lay comfortably against his chest. He appeared deep in thought, but when I called his name, he looked down at me and smiled. He face was no longer tense, and he appeared so…so serene. It sent my heart aflutter, and it never ceased to amaze me how my feelings were directly tied to his. I smiled back at him, turning my head to plant a soft kiss on his chest.

"What is it, love?" he asked.

I hesitated, wondering whether or not I should just let sleeping dogs lie. Then I decided to just go for broke, because it seemed impossible to me that things could grow more intense or more convoluted than they already were. I drew my finger across Edward's chest and started tracing tiny circles around his left nipple. I wanted him to relax even further before I asked him my question. I wanted him to know that I didn't want a debate. Judging from his reaction, he was thoroughly relaxed.

"About Melinda…" and I didn't have a chance to say anything further as Edward once again shot up in bed beside me.

"Oh Christ, baby. I'm so sorry. We got off topic earlier, but I want you to know I am going to speak to Melinda about phoning you. She was completely out of line in what she said to you. Needless to say I am very displeased with her right now." Edward paused for a moment, peering down at me suspiciously. "Is that all she said to you, Bella? Did she say anything else?" Edward seemed to be growing more anxious now and I immediately placed my hand over his wildly beating heart to settle him.

"Yes…no…I mean yes," I stuttered, suddenly flustered. Why pray tell hadn't I just kept my damn mouth shut? "She wasn't exactly kind to me Edward," I said, deciding I wouldn't elaborate on what specifically she had said. I didn't see the point. "But I understand she's just concerned about you. She's your agent, she should be concerned when her client…who just happens to be Hollywood's hottest commodity, decides that he's taking a hiatus from acting for reasons that are known not even to himself! Not that she couldn't learn a thing or two about manners…" I trailed off, laughing lightly, trying to lighten the mood.

"You know she's more than my agent, Bella," Edward said absently, and he had my full attention now. I looked up at him, completely bewildered by his statement.

"She's may be my agent," he continued, "but she's my Godmother first and foremost."

_She's your what?_ "What!" I wailed, pulling myself up on Edward's chest. "She's your Godmother, Edward?" I sat there completely stunned by Edward's little revelation. I really had no idea, and had always pictured Melinda as a young twenty or thirty something woman. But if she was Edward's Godmother, she had to be in her fifties…or sixties even. Not that it mattered much in that moment. As I lay there staring up at Edward, an incredulous expression marking my face, I couldn't decide whether I was more pissed off or relieved. I was pissed off because Edward had neglected to mention this little piece of information, yet immeasurably relieved because now I felt as if perhaps this fiasco with Melinda could all be straightened out. If she were indeed Edward's family she should be more willing to trust Edward, and to accept that my feelings for Edward were pure, and that I had no intention of trying to draw Edward away from acting. Because she was family, she should be more understanding, but then her little diatribe came rushing back to me, and I wasn't so sure of this fact anymore.

"Calm down, Bella," Edward said, his words refocusing me. "My God, what did she say to you to get you so worked up?"

'It's nothing," I said, looking away from Edward and wanting now more than ever to just put this behind us. Especially considering Melinda was Edward's freaking Godmother. God, if Melinda felt so negatively about me, what did the rest of his family think? Edward reached down gently placing his forefinger beneath my chin and lifting my head back up towards his.

"It's not _nothing_, love. Please tell me."

"I already told you, Edward, she doesn't think I'm what's best for you," I said, hanging my head to his chest. "And her words feel infinitely more hurtful now that I know she's actually your family." Edward sighed.

"You _are_ what's best for me, Bella," Edward said softly, yet forcefully, again bringing my head back up towards his. "And putting aside for the moment that her actions were unspeakable, I have to say that Melinda is just very protective of me. I'm her Godson, of course, but she's also still reeling from the debacle that was my relationship before you," Edward mused before chuckling lightly to himself. I sighed, thoroughly relieved by the break in tension and I must say…completely overcome with curiosity. As unbelievable as it may sound, Edward and I had never really discussed our past relationships with each other.

"Oh?" I said trying to sound as casual as possible when in fact I was practically salivating like a dog in anticipation of hearing about one of Edward's ex-girlfriends. I surmised my attempt to hide my curiosity failed miserably as Edward laughed again, this time more heartily.

"Her name was Tanya…and she is what can only be described as a class act bitch."

"Edward," I admonished playfully, staring up at him in wide-eyed mock astonishment. Edward was nothing if not a gentleman, and he rarely used derogatory words to describe anyone, not the least of which being a woman. But fuck if I didn't find it sexy as hell to hear that word roll off his tongue so easily.

"I'm sorry if my language offends, love," Edward teased, "but she was," he added, and winked at me before continuing. "Melinda and Daniella kept trying to warn me that she was no good, that her intentions weren't pure, but what can I say? I'm trusting, almost to a fault. I believed her when she told me that she loved me. I refused to believe she was anything but honorable, and truthfully, I was blinded by my feelings for her. That is until I walked in on her fucking the director of a film I was just about to sign on as the lead role for. Turns out that unbeknownst to me, Tanya had been offered a small supporting role in the film after having been introduced to the director by none other than myself." Edward shook his head in disgust and I gasped, though for reasons not so obvious. Indeed I was shocked and saddened by what Edward had said…shocked by Tanya's behavior and sad for Edward. He deserved so much better than to be treated like that. But though it was probably highly inappropriate given the context of the current conversation, there was but one feeling that pervaded my thoughts at that moment in time. And I couldn't help myself. Edward's choice of words did all sorts of crazy things to me, and I found myself thinking of _fucking_ Edward. I draped my leg casually over his in an attempt to gain more friction against my increasingly warm center and though I tried to be sly, my move did not go unnoticed. Edward shifted underneath me, pressing his thigh into me and eliciting a soft moan from me.

"Are we aroused?" Edward chuckled, pulling my head firmly against his chest and planting a small kiss to my forehead.

"Always, for you," I breathed against his chest, and I felt the rumble in his chest as he growled. "But do carry on with your story," I teased, returning to circling my finger around his nipple.

"Perhaps another time," he murmured before pulling me on top of him and grinding his erection between my thighs. "But I have other needs that are more pressing, now." I moaned in agreement, thinking to myself and loving the fact that we had all day long to do this.

**Please take time to review! Thanks! **


	15. One Step Back

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire, and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 15: One Step Back**

**BPOV**

I've spent nearly nine years desperately trying to hide how I feel. During this time, I've become a master of deception. Very few people know who I am, what I am, what I'm running to and what I'm running from. Fewer still know my soul. To allow someone a mere glimpse into my deepest thoughts, darkest fears, greatest hopes and endless sorrow is akin to laying bare before them, completely at their mercy. I don't give myself over to anyone, yet I've unwittingly done just that. And it is the sweetest joy and the most biting pain that consumes me knowing that Edward has me. I am his. My heart and my soul, the reason for my existence now, is Edward. Yet I continue to struggle with what loving Edward will mean for both me and him.

I awoke with a start early Monday morning, feeling somewhat off. Strangely, I felt frightened and sad, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. Edward left for work around eight the night before, after spending nearly twenty four hours straight worshipping me, adoring me, loving me, holding me, kissing me and completing me. And while I was saddened by his departure, I felt fine when I went to bed, so why did I feel so sad now? And then it hit me. I was alone. Now that I'd found Edward, I didn't like being alone. I felt empty and somewhat lost when Edward wasn't around, and the feelings were somewhat reminiscent of what it felt like when my mother and brother died. That frightened me.

I immediately knew that I needed to talk to Alice. I hated to burden her with my issues yet again, but she was the only one I could turn to, to try and make sense of what I was feeling. I scooted my body across the bed and reached out my arm from underneath the covers. I felt around on the bedside table for a moment before grasping the phone in my hand and pulling it to my ear. I shook my head, trying hard to clear my thoughts as I dialed Alice's number. The phone rang once, twice, three times. On the fourth ring, Alice answered.

"Good morning, Bella!" Alice's chipper voice rang out over the line in a sing-song manner. "What are you doing up so early?" She continued more suspiciously.

"Alice…" I rasped into the phone, my chest feeling suddenly tight.

The line went silent.

"I'll be right over," Alice answered me quickly and then there was a click and the line went dead. I lay the phone by my side and pulled the covers over my head, the sheet clinging to my now dampened cheeks. I wondered absently what time Edward was due home. He'd been on set since eight o'clock the evening before. Chances were he would be home soon, and I didn't want for him to find me lying in bed like this. I sat up, sighing heavily and wiping at my eyes before pulling back the covers and getting out of bed. I heard the phone ring as I trudged into the bathroom to take a shower, but I didn't take time to answer it. I wanted to shower, change and leave before Edward arrived. I didn't want for him to see me like this.

I didn't bother shaving my legs nor did I bother doing much else with myself other than twist my hair into a messy pony tail once I'd exited the shower. I pulled on a pair of faded old jeans and a warm cotton hoodie before slipping on some wool socks and my Merrell hiking shoes. I was on my way out the front door with the intention of meeting Alice in the lobby when the blinking light on the answering machine caught my attention. I hesitated for a moment before deciding to check the message.

It was Edward.

"Bella, I've seen the new issue of _Hollywood Today_ and the article is harmless. It's the best case scenario as far as I'm concerned. The only thing is, because it's so sensible, people may actually believe what was written. Either way, I think we need to be prepared for greater public scrutiny. Anyway, I should be home within the hour and we can talk about it more, then. I love you."

Edward's voice jolted me. I supposed I should have been relieved by his news, but I barely registered what he said. Instead, I found myself taking slow, deep breaths, focusing solely on the warm, rich timbre of his voice. It soothed me. It grounded me. And if only for a moment, I felt somewhat better. But as quickly as the sense of calm settled over me, it was gone. I listened to the click of the machine indicating the end of the message and I was immediately alone, empty and sad again.

I sighed heavily, running the fingers of both my hands up and through my hair, pulling my ponytail loose in the process. I gripped my hair tightly, so tight that I could feel my scalp start to throb. And I couldn't have cared less about the fact that the new issue of _Hollywood Today_ was on the stands. It really didn't matter to me anymore. Instead, I was at war with myself.

Run.

Stay.

Run.

Stay.

What should I do? My heart was screaming at me to stay, to wait for Edward to return and talk to him. I needed to trust what I felt for him and what he felt for me. But there was another part of me, equally as insistent, that told me to go. I needed some time to sort through what I was feeling. Alice would help me to do this. I hesitated for only a moment before scratching out a quick note to Edward, apologizing for my absence and telling him I'd call him later.

I found Alice outside the front of my building, arguing with a police officer over her right to temporarily park in a NO PARKING zone. Alice often entered into such squabbles with officers the city over and more times than not, ended up with a parking citation. She would never learn, although I didn't think she actually cared to. I think she enjoyed the thrill of the challenge. This morning, Alice got lucky. The officer threw a sideways glance in my direction as I approached and backed away, warning Alice that any future infractions would result in a ticket. Alice smiled politely at the officer before walking around the back of the car to the driver's side door. We both slid into the front seat at the same time and I caught Alice rolling her eyes at the officer as she glanced in the rearview mirror.

"Where are we going?" She asked as she pulled away from the curb. Traffic was heavy this morning and Alice focused intently on weaving in and out of the endless sea of cars crammed together into the streets of New York City.

I shrugged my shoulders.

Without taking her eyes off the road, Alice reached into the backseat of the car and pulled something out of her purse. It was a magazine, and she tossed it at me. It fell unceremoniously to my lap, landing face down, an obviously way undernourished teenage model wearing Calvin Klein jeans staring back at me out of sunken, distant eyes. I flipped the magazine over. It was the latest edition of _Hollywood Today_.

"Is this what you're upset about?" She asked.

Of course, it wasn't. But now that the magazine was lying in my lap, I had to admit, I was curious. I took a closer look at the cover and saw that the center was nothing more than a stock photo of Edward. There was a smaller, wallet sized photo of Edward and me taken at the gala event in the lower left hand corner of the magazine.

**HOLLYWOOD HEARTTHROB MAKES MUSIC WITH JULLIARD BEAUTY**

I read the headline twice, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it. Edward had said the article was harmless, but I didn't like that our picture had been published on the cover of a nationally distributed magazine. Still, this wasn't my main concern this morning, and I shook my head at Alice in answer to her question while pushing the magazine off to the side.

Alice turned to face me then, her expression equal parts worry and exasperation.

"What's going on, Bella?"

I could feel my lower lip start to tremble and I bit down hard to try and keep the tears from spilling over, but it was to no avail. A warm, fat tear trickled down my left cheek.

"Shit," Alice muttered while making a sharp left and driving us onto a little side street I was unfamiliar with. She drove for a few blocks before legally parking her car at a meter. Slipping out of the front seat, she deposited a few coins into the meter before walking over to my side of the car and helping me from my seat. She didn't let go of my hand as she led me into a tiny, unassuming coffee shop, one in sea of thousands in New York City. We walked to the back of the shop and Alice selected a small table, away from all the other patrons. She pulled out a chair for me, motioning for me to sit before taking a seat across from me. When her eyes finally met mine, her expression was loving and concerned, but firm.

"What happened?" She wanted to know.

"Edward came home," I whispered softly, my head falling forward some.

"Tell me something I don't already know, Bella."

I winced a bit at Alice's words, though they were spoken with utmost sensitivity. Alice meant me no harm - she just didn't want to spend hours in a coffee shop bullshitting with me. She wanted me to cut to the chase, to keep things simple, so she could figure out what she could do or say to help me out. Ours was a very dysfunctional relationship in this respect. I desperately needed her to fix me when I got this way, when my feelings threatened to consume me. And she'd perfected the art of pulling what information she needed from me in a relatively painless and efficient manner. She wouldn't let me ruminate long over the details of what was upsetting me. Instead, she'd insist that I tell her exactly what was bothering me in as succinct a manner as possible. It may sound cold, or insensitive, but it was important. Both she and I knew it was the only way of keeping hold of me so that I wouldn't become overwhelmed.

I looked up at Alice, my own sullen eyes meeting ones that were warm and loving and exuded sympathy and concern. I slowly nodded my head at her, silently acknowledging her request before speaking.

"Edward and I made love," I started, and a small, yet completely involuntary smile tugged at my lips. "It was the most intense physical and emotional experience of my life."

Alice nodded in understanding and smiled warmly at me as she reached across the table and covered my hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I was nervous about being intimate with him like that," I continued. "But it was the most beautiful and natural experience for me."

I paused, looking Alice directly in the eye before continuing. "I did it, Alice. I gave myself over to each and every feeling I had. I didn't hold back. I was completely uninhibited and bare. And it was okay…_I was okay_. I was more than okay, really. I was ecstatic," I said, hardly able to believe it myself. The experience had been so intense; it should have thrown me over the edge.

"So what happened? Why are you upset now?" Alice wondered, obviously confused by the difference between what I was saying and how I was acting.

I took a deep breath, suddenly overcome with a sense of dread and hopelessness. I felt my chest tighten and I gritted my teeth as I averted my gaze away from Alice towards the black and gold marbled table top. I traced along the squiggly patterns with my right hand, no longer able to look Alice in the eye.

"I woke up alone," I answered her in a sad, small voice.

"Okay…" Alice slowly replied, still confused. "Can you tell me anything more?" She gently prompted.

I thought long and hard, trying to make sense of what I was feeling and to formulate a coherent thought before continuing.

"He was gone for a week, Alice," I finally answered her while shutting my eyes and sighing. "And I didn't think I'd ever survive, but I did. But then seeing him again, it was so incredibly intense. I didn't realize just how much I'd missed him, just how much was absent from my life when he was away until I saw him again. It was like one half of me had returned. And then we made love, and I've never felt so deeply connected to anybody before. It was literally a life changing experience for me. So much so that when I woke up alone this morning…" I trailed off, remembering the exact degree to which I'd felt his absence. "The loneliness and the emptiness I felt in his absence was acute, Alice. And I realized, I think for the very first time, how completely vulnerable I am with him."

"In what way?" Alice pressed, her brows pulled tight in thought. "Is it that you're frightened of losing him?"

"Yes…no…I mean I am," I replied. "But not because I don't trust how he feels about me. He's as wrapped up in this as I am and it's just as confusing for him."

I paused, sighing heavily.

"Go on," Alice encouraged as she gave my hand another gentle squeeze.

"I'm terrified of being apart from him again," I admitted as much to myself as to Alice. "Things are different between us now. I need him differently than I did before. And come January he'll be gone, first to Paris then to Montana. I'm not sure I'll be able to handle a long term separation," I said, hanging my head in defeat. As I talked with Alice, all I could focus on was how hopeless the situation seemed.

"But what's the alternative, Bella?" Alice asked in a somewhat exasperated tone of voice. "You're fully invested in this relationship now. Surely you're not suggesting you should just turn and run away. That won't solve anything. You'll be realizing your own worst fears."

"That's what's so frustrating and confusing," I huffed while fisting my right hand and reaching up to wipe at the tears brimming in my eyes. "I want to run _to_ Edward and _away_ from him at the same time. He's my safe harbor yet at the same time the one thing in my life that can and will cause me to come undone. What am I supposed to do?" I looked up at Alice then, not even caring about the tears that spilled, one by one, from my eyes. "Tell me," I challenged her sharply. "What am I supposed to do? Because I really don't know and I'm scared."

"You need to talk to Edward about all of this," Alice murmured sagely.

I sighed heavily, knowing she would say this and deep down, knowing she was right. But it just wasn't that easy.

"I know I do," I whispered softly. "But it's so hard. I feel so guilty that there's a part of me that's actually frightened of Edward."

"Bella, you're not frightened of Edward," Alice gently pointed out. "You're frightened by the intensity of what you feel for him and there is nothing wrong with that. You're completely justified in what you're feeling. It's to be expected that you'd struggle with your feelings, especially given your past, and I just want you to know that I think you're doing amazingly well. But for every two steps forward, you have to expect to take one step back. And please, you shoulder too great a burden of guilt already than to add this to the list. Edward will understand. And I'm certain he can help you to work through your fears, but you have to allow him the opportunity."

I slowly nodded my head, knowing that Alice was right.

"And I think you should be honest with him about everything," Alice added very carefully. And while I'd agreed with Alice to a point, I wasn't sure about telling Edward _everything_.

"As if things aren't complicated enough," I mumbled. "My entire life is being thrown into turmoil."

"Have you spoken to Xavier?" Alice gently asked, and I nodded slowly.

"And your father?" She furthered, and I nodded again.

"I've spoken to the both of them, and they understand and they're prepared. It's me I'm most worried about. I have huge issues with this, Alice," I said, feeling the weight of this particular situation fall squarely on my shoulders.

"I know you do, Bella," Alice sympathized. "But listen to me. It's time. I really think that part of the difficulty you have in letting your past go is your inability to embrace your present."

I stiffened at Alice's words. She didn't call me out on this very often, but when she did, it was never pretty. I didn't like to talk about the decision I'd made so long ago to virtually shut Xavier out of my life. In the past, when Alice would suggest I'd been wrong in my decision, I'd just leave. I refused to even consider the possibility that she was right. But now, it seemed I didn't have that luxury.

"Bella…Bella please look at me," Alice gently commanded. "I know this is difficult for you, but have you ever thought that maybe this is what's best for you…for all of you? Maybe this will help bring about some resolution." Alice paused for a moment before continuing, her gaze wandering away from mine. She shook her head slowly and a small smile tugged at her lips.

"What?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me. Alice looked back towards me and smiled.

"This may sound crazy, Bella, but I just can't help but think this is was all meant to be. Like fate." And I froze…literally froze at her choice of words.

"What do you mean?" I slowly asked, once again feeling very strongly that there was something other than myself in control of my life.

"Think about it Bella," Alice continued, seemingly oblivious to the change in my demeanor. "If you'd met and fallen in love with any other person, chances are you'd never be forced to confront this issue. But you didn't meet and fall in love with just anyone - you met and fell in love with Edward Cullen. And I think you're right. I think because of this, your past is most likely going to be made public. And you're going to have no other choice but to deal with it. You won't be able to hide anymore, Bella. It will be staring you in the face. And I think that's a good thing. I think it's a really good thing."

I listened to what Alice had to say with a critical ear. But despite being thoroughly overwhelmed by everything I was facing, as I talked with Alice, everything started to make more sense. Once again, I had this feeling I was being led towards redemption by some invisible hand. And as frightening as it was, I was able to consider the possibility that Alice was right. I needed to fully face my present and my past. Otherwise, I would have no future. But knowing what I had to do and having the confidence to do so were two entirely different things. To begin with, I knew I had to be honest with Edward…about everything. And I would be, after the premiere…

I was feeling somewhat better after having talked with Alice, although I still couldn't shake the fear, no matter how irrational, that my relationship with Edward could be my undoing. It was scary to allow myself to be so vulnerable when I'd spent years…literally _years_ building a fortress around my soul. Moving forward wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't have much of a choice.

"Thank you," I whispered earnestly while slipping my hand out from underneath Alice's and covering hers with mine. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and Alice smiled warmly at me.

"What for?" She teased.

"For saving me from myself…again," I laughed lightly, feeling so much better than I had earlier this morning. "I really don't deserve you. You're too good to me," I added, and I was only half joking because I wasn't always sure I deserved Alice. There would always be a part of me that worried I was too much of a burden on her.

"Nonsense, Bella. I just want for you to be happy. You deserve to be happy," she said very emphatically. I smiled at Alice and gave her hand another gentle squeeze before drawing mine back towards me.

"So…Edward asked me to attend the premiere of his film in L.A. this Friday," I said, feeling it was time to move on to another topic of conversation.

"Really?" Alice squealed. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and her entire body vibrated with excitement. "It's about time he asked you," she said before her eyes suddenly glazed over. She narrowed them at me accusingly.

"Isabella Marie Swan, please tell me you graciously accepted his invitation!"

I laughed lightly, thinking it might be fun to mess with Alice just a little bit and let her think I'd turned Edward down. But just as I was about to do so, my phone rang. I reached down into my bag and pulled it out, knowing exactly who it was without even looking at the screen.

"Hey," I greeted Edward in a hushed voice.

Alice took one look at me and knew I was talking to Edward. She smiled softly at me before getting up from the table and heading off to the front of the shop, presumably to give me some privacy and hopefully to purchase some coffee, too. It was bitterly cold outside and not that much warmer inside the shop.

"Hey yourself," Edward answered back sleepily. I could hear him yawning over the phone and God… it was so good to hear his voice.

I sighed.

"Long night?"

"Very," he emphasized before quickly adding, "I would have very much preferred to have spent the night making love to you."

I swallowed hard, my eyes falling shut as his words traveled straight to my center. _Damn you, Edward Cullen, you're wicked_, I thought. Edward chuckled softly before continuing. "We've only got a few weeks left before production wraps and I'll be in L.A. part of that time. I think John's starting to panic a little. He didn't want to let me go this morning."

"I thought they accounted for your time away when they set the schedule," I wondered aloud as my breathing slowly returned to normal. One comment, one small little comment and Edward had me wound up so tight I thought I'd internally combust.

"They did. But there are always last minute issues that arise like re-shoots and so forth. It's typical end of production crunch time, that's all," he answered me.

"Oh," I replied, satisfied with his response. There was a small pause on the line with neither one of us saying anything and then Edward spoke again.

"Where are you, anyway? I thought you'd be here when I got home. I wanted to talk," he said, his voice falling. He didn't even try to hide his disappointment, and I immediately felt guilty for bolting out of there.

"I'm sorry," I said, starting to feel sadness creep over me again. Edward deserved so much more than what I could give him. I hated that I was so emotionally screwed up that I felt like I had to run from the one thing in my life that inspired me to want to live again. Edward must have heard the remorse in my voice because his own tone of voice immediately changed. His voice came quickly, accented by a slight quaver that gave away his anxiety.

"Bella, is everything okay?" Edward worriedly asked. "You sound upset."

"I'm fine, baby," I quickly moved to reassure him. "Don't worry about me. I've just had a bit of a rough morning, but I'm having coffee with Alice and I'm already feeling a lot better."

"Is it about the article?" He questioned me quietly. "I left you a message earlier. I really don't think we have anything to worry about. Truth be told, it's rather innocuous," he said, clearly trying to allay any fears I might have.

"No, no," I told him. "I got your message. I haven't read the article but I've seen the cover and I think the headline is actually kind of funny, to be honest. It's quite flattering, too," I teased. "I've never thought of myself as a Julliard beauty."

I giggled softly at the ridiculousness of it all and expected Edward to do so too, but the line was curiously silent.

"Edward?" I called to him over the phone, thinking that maybe he'd fallen asleep. It wouldn't be the first time he'd done so while talking on the phone.

"Yes, I'm here," he answered me quietly, and I knew something wasn't right.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and there was a long pause during which I could hear him taking slow, deep breaths.

"Were you home?"

"What…when?" I asked, somewhat bewildered by his question.

"You said you got my message," Edward said a bit more forcefully. "Were you home when I called?"

_Shit_. Edward knew I'd been upset this morning, I'd told him as much already. Now his wheels were turning and it was obvious he'd very quickly deduced that I'd left the apartment in order to avoid running into him. Again…the guilt sat in my gut like dead weight. Christ - I hated that I always felt guilty about one thing or another.

"Edward…I was on my way out the door to meet Alice…" I tried to explain, knowing it was a weak excuse at best.

"So early in the morning?" Edward challenged. "You told me last night your schedule was clear this morning. I told you in my message I'd be home soon. Your meeting with Alice couldn't wait?"

Edward was clearly annoyed and he had every right to be. I'd told him last night I'd be there to meet him when he arrived home this morning. He and I both knew that I'd run out on him and I suddenly felt very ashamed.

"I'm sorry," I apologized again, hanging my head dejectedly. Just then, Alice approached the table. I looked up at her and she narrowed her eyes at me before placing my coffee down in front of me and heading back to the front of the shop. Obviously, now was not the time to rejoin me.

"I don't want to hear that you're sorry," Edward huffed, sounding more frustrated now than anything else. "I just want to know _why_. I don't like secrets. If something's wrong, you need to tell me."

My eyes fell shut and I swallowed hard, shaking my head in shared frustration.

"Can we talk about this later?" I asked, my voice borderline pleading. "I'm really not where I can talk right now," I added, hoping that would satisfy him. The coffee shop _was_ slowly filling up with patrons and a few of them were filtering to the back of the shop. I didn't want to have this conversation amidst a sea of strangers…especially now that a picture of Edward and me graced the cover of a magazine that could be found in every newsstand across the country. I was hyper alert to the possibility of curious onlookers, even though _Hollywood Today_ had just hit the stands.

"Fine," Edward muttered, and I knew he wasn't pleased with me.

"Edward, please," I all but begged now. I could feel the tears starting to sting the back of my eyes and I reached up to wipe at them. Alice must have been watching me from close-by because she appeared, as if out of nowhere, by my side. "I love you," I choked out, and though the tears had yet to fall, my voice betrayed me. There was a long silence on the other end of the line during which I could hear Edward taking slow, deep breaths. But when Edward finally spoke, gone was the tension and frustration from just moments before. Now, his voice was comforting and soft.

"Shhh," he soothed. "I love you too, sweet girl." And his whispered endearment caused me to choke back a sob. "It's okay. I understand. We'll talk later. Will you be home early?"

I took a minute to regain my composure, inhaling deeply then exhaling slowly before finally answering him.

"I'll try. I've got a lot to do before we leave though, so I'm not sure. If not, I'll wait for you in the morning. I promise."

"That's twenty-four hours from now," he said somewhat sadly.

"I know. I hate it too," I muttered, which elicited a soft chuckle from Edward.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked, thinking it a rather strange reaction.

"Because you're adorable when you're angry."

Edward laughed louder now, and it was honestly just what I needed to hear.

"Thank you for understanding," I said, and I breathed a sigh of relief as the tension between us faded.

"Of course," Edward quickly replied, as if it was silly for me to have thanked him in the first place. "But you're not off the hook. We're going to talk, and you're going to tell me what's going on. Okay?" Edward 's voice was gentle, but firm.

"Okay," I readily agreed.

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Be extra vigilant today. Melinda's fairly confident that Jessica's article doesn't pose much of a threat, but you never know what the public's reaction is going to be. If you run into any trouble, call me immediately. Okay?"

I thought Edward was being a little melodramatic but I agreed to call, if only to reassure him that I was fine. Edward and I chatted for a few minutes more before he started to nod off.

"Go to sleep, baby," I crooned. "I love you."

Edward murmured something indecipherable before we both hung up our phones. Alice, who had stepped off to the side, reappeared soon after.

"All better?" She queried while gathering up her bag.

"Getting there," I said, smiling lightly at her.

"Come on. I'll give you a ride to campus."

Alice linked her arm through mine and I lay my head on her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze. I was so grateful for my best friend.

On our way to school, I caught Alice up on the events of Edward's homecoming, including Edward's little revelation that Melinda was his Godmother. Alice was shocked and less than pleased with Edward for not having told me this earlier. I defended Edward, explaining to Alice that there was really no reason for Edward to share this information with me. It wasn't as if I'd asked him about it and he'd lied to me. He'd just never shared the information with me. He probably didn't think it was important. Alice still didn't like the fact that this woman was meddling in his life…_our lives_…and warned me not to let my guard down around her. I sighed, wanting just for once for something to be simple.

It was early when I arrived on campus, and that suited me just fine. I anticipated that Edward and I would leave for L.A. late Wednesday evening or early Thursday morning, which left me precious little time to make final preparations for the winter concert to be held the following week. I needed to spend as much time as I could between now and then preparing for my solo performance.

The premiere of Edward's film was Friday evening, and I was toying around with the idea of asking Edward if he wanted to attend Thanksgiving dinner with my father. We could fly into L.A. and drive up to the vineyard to spend Thanksgiving, returning to L.A. early Friday morning, I thought. The idea of having a family dinner with my father and Edward was a little disconcerting, though. I'd never invited a boy home before. As far as my father was concerned, I barely even dated, which was actually true. But Edward and I were serious now, and he'd already invited me home with him for Christmas. So it only seemed right that we would pass Thanksgiving with my father.

These and a zillion other little thoughts assaulted me as I worked my way across campus to the practice rooms. I thought some more about what Alice had said earlier about taking two steps forward and one step back. It really made a lot of sense to me. That's how it had been for me in the beginning, after I'd returned from treatment. Some days I would feel better, others not. And it was frustrating to feel like I was doing well, only to have moments where I would relapse and literally could not get out of bed. Gradually, though, there were more good days than bad.

That's sort of how things felt for me now. There were more good days than bad, but there were still days, such as today, which for one reason or another were more difficult for me. I knew what had triggered my setback today. It was my growing intimacy with and connectedness to Edward. He was slowly breaking down all my defenses, all my barriers. And while it was liberating, it was also frightening. And I worried what it would mean for me when Edward and I were apart because it had been so damn hard to wake up without him by my side this morning.

Thankfully, after talking to Alice, I realized that it was okay to take a step back. It was okay, and really perfectly logical, for me to be worried about being apart from Edward. It was okay to be worried, but I couldn't push Edward away because of these fears. I had to talk to him. I had to let him in. He had to know how I felt. It wouldn't be fair to him otherwise, especially when he'd been so open and honest with me about how he felt. I shook my head, trying to clear it of the jumbled mass of thoughts it held as I opened the door to my favorite, out of the way practice room on campus and settled in to play Haydn.

I loved Haydn's Cello Concerto No. 1 in C major. It was a staple of cello repertoire and one I had yet to perform live. The concerto was divided into three movements, with the third movement, allegro molto, being my favorite. This particular movement was a lot of fun to play and it really allowed a cellist to showcase their virtuosity. The repeated use of rapid staccato bowings, and passages that required the cellist to rapidly alternate playing between the low and high registers of the cello, were just two of the many reasons why.

I was actually really looking forward to Edward finally being able to see me play live in a concert setting, although I wasn't sure he was quite as excited for me to see the premiere of his film. Edward had confided in me that he actually hated premieres. He didn't like to be the center of attention and this was all but inevitable at events such as these, especially when your film was the adaptation of a wildly popular book. I was actually excited to watch Edward's performance on the big screen, but nervous about the event itself. I'd have to contend with hoards of press, and I didn't want a repeat of what happened at Alice's gala event. I was also worried about meeting Melinda and God…_Daniella_…for the first time.

I ran through my entire solo for the Haydn concerto during practice and repeated my performance for my primary professor of cello, the distinguished Dr. Elizabeth Warren, during our lesson later that morning. She and I were both pleased with my performance; I felt confident in my ability to deliver a stellar performance the following week. And of course, I'd be carrying my cello with me to L.A. so that I could practice over the Thanksgiving holiday.

Just as I was leaving Dr. Warren's office, I heard her call my name from behind and I turned around to face her.

"Yes?"

"Bella," she started slowly. "Have you given much thought to what you're going to do come next fall?"

Dr. Warren's question was not unexpected, although I didn't have an answer to give her just yet. I knew my hesitation to commit to the music school's doctoral program was causing somewhat of a stir in the department. Nobody knew what my plans were, but if my plans were to continue with my studies, the faculty at the music school wanted to be sure I did this at Julliard, and not some other institution.

"I'm…" I hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I'm not exactly sure, Dr. Warren," I said, speaking honestly. Dr. Warren stood by her desk, quietly examining me before speaking again.

"You do realize that entry into the doctoral program here is limited to the most highly gifted of students. Competition for placement is strong, Bella, but I'm sure you're aware that we'd all love to have you."

I nodded my head.

Dr. Warren was not the first to approach me about the exclusivity of Julliard's doctoral program, nor would she be the last. I understood that this was a very important decision that I would have to make…and soon. But I didn't feel I was ready to commit to a minimum of another two years of study. Not yet. What if I decided to try and establish a solo career? Or an ensemble career with Heaven's Gate? That wasn't all that likely anymore because of my strained relationship with Jake, but there was still Jasper. And what if I decided to pursue doctoral studies at a different institution? Everyone knew Julliard was among the best of the best, but there were other schools out there. Whatever my final decision, I knew it was one I would have to talk over with Edward. And this was a subject that up until now, we hadn't really discussed.

"I appreciate what you're saying Dr. Warren, and please understand that I'm carefully weighing all my options. I appreciate all the support I have here and I know that the education I would receive would be the absolute best possible. But I'm just not sure I'm ready to commit myself to a doctoral program."

Dr. Warren nodded her head in understanding and smiled warmly at me, which made me feel a little better.

"I understand, Bella. Just know we want you here with us," she said very bluntly, and I couldn't help but laugh with her. "Also," she added just as I was turning to leave. "I'd like to offer you a T.A. position next semester. I think you're ready to teach some undergraduates."

I froze in place, not believing what I'd just heard.

"A teaching assistant position? Are you sure?" I tentatively asked.

"Yes," she answered simply.

I swallowed hard. This was virtually unheard of. T.A. positions in instrument performance were reserved almost exclusively for students in the doctoral program.

"Dr. Warren, I…I don't know what to say…" I stumbled over my own words, highly honored to have been offered the chance to teach at Julliard.

"Say yes, Bella, and it's a done deal."

"Yes!" I blurted out, without even thinking about it, and Dr. Warren clapped her hands together in delight.

"Wonderful, dear!" She exclaimed. "I just know you're going to love teaching."

I smiled brightly at Dr. Warren and thanked her for the opportunity. I stayed in Dr. Warren's office for a short while longer and we chatted about the upcoming winter concert, and then I bid her farewell and headed across campus to meet Alice and Jasper for lunch.

The day passed quickly and before I knew it evening was upon me. I tried to make it home in time to see Edward, but he had to leave for work early and there was just no way to avoid orchestra practice, not with the concert rapidly approaching. So it was that I returned home to a very empty apartment at about half past nine that night. I missed Edward, all the more so because I hadn't seen him in over a day now. My only saving grace was that I could fall into a deep sleep, only to awake to Edward in the morning. I'd promised him I'd be home to meet him this time, and I intended to keep that promise.

I fixed myself a quick sandwich in the kitchen before heading into my bedroom to get changed for bed. I smiled when I saw that Edward had laid out his pajamas for me in the center of the bed and I laughed when I saw that he'd made my side of the bed, but neglected to make up his own side. And I cried…yes I cried when I pulled back the covers to find a single red rose resting on my pillow next to a little piece of paper that read _I Love You_. I smiled, reaching out to pick up the rose and inhaling its sweet scent before taking the note in my hand and tracing the lines of Edward's elegant script with my right forefinger. I laughed again. Edward's handwriting was just beautiful. Mine, on the other hand, didn't even pass as chicken scratch. I placed the rose and the note on my bedside table before turning out the lights and slipping underneath the covers. I tried to call Edward, but it just went to voice mail. I sent him a simple text telling him that I loved him and that I would see him soon before falling fast and hard into a deep sleep.

I was vaguely aware of a presence in my room, though I was still deeply asleep…or at least fighting to remain so. I grudingly opened one eye, peering out into the dark of the room. What time was it, anyway? I was distracted then by movement close-by.

"Edward," I croaked, my voice hoarse from sleep.

"It's me, love," he crooned.

"What time is it?" I asked, feeling somewhat disoriented. It seemed so early.

"Just after five," he murmured.

I yawned, pulling the comforter up close to my chin, shutting out the cold of the room. Edward was home much earlier than I expected, but that was just fine with me.

"Come lay with me," I called to him, and I felt the mattress depress and heard the wooden frame of the bed creak as he crawled in my direction. He pulled the comforter back and slid in beside me, settling himself by my side and pulling me towards him so that I settled snugly in the crook of his hips. He drew his knees up, pushing them into the v of my bent knees and sighed heavily before burying his face in my neck.

"I can assure you I'd be doing much more than just laying with you if we didn't have somewhere we needed to be," he murmured against my neck before placing an incredibly sensual and deliciously soft kiss just behind my ear. I moaned softly and pressed back against him. And then his words hit me, and I struggled to resist the overwhelming urge I had to turn into him and kiss him senseless.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you say we had somewhere to be?" I asked incredulously, while slowly….albeit most unwillingly, waking up.

"Mmm hmm," he murmured softly, nuzzling his nose against me before trailing his lips up and down the length of my neck. He paused to place a very wet, open-mouth kiss against my skin and my eyes fluttered closed.

"We're not going to go anywhere if you continue to do that, Romeo," I teased, and he chuckled softly against my neck, blowing warm air over my cool skin. I shuddered at the sensation.

"Mmm…with reactions like that, you may just be right," he rasped into my ear before turning me in his arms so that we were facing each other. He leaned in and feathered kisses about my face.

"I missed you yesterday," he said, cupping my face in his hands and leaning forward to press his forehead to mine.

"Me too," I whispered, reaching up to brush his hair from his eyes. His lips met mine then, kissing me softly at first, then with greater urgency. I responded to him, pushing my tongue past his lips and into his warm mouth. I swirled it around his, and he moaned into my throat. And I was instantly aroused.

This was it. This right here was it. I could lay with him like this forever, and it still wouldn't be enough. I moved to deepen the kiss but Edward pulled back.

"Bella…" he started, but I ignored him, choosing instead to kiss up his jaw line. He gasped, pulling my face roughly back towards his and kissing me fiercely before physically holding my face away from his.

"Bella…" he sighed again between breaths. "We can't…I really..."

"You really what?" I challenged in jest, defying his grip on my face and pressing my lips quickly to his. He smiled against me.

"You..." he kissed me once quickly "are..." he kissed me quickly again "a nearly irresistible..." I received yet another quick kiss to my lips "and may I say stunningly…" kiss "beautiful…" kiss "temptress, my love." He finished his thought with one very wet and sloppy kiss before holding my face away from his again. And this time I had no hope of struggling free from his iron clad grip. "But I will resist you, not because I want to, but because I really want to take you somewhere this morning."

He beseeched me to listen and I did so, albeit grudgingly.

"You're serious," I said, turning my face towards the palm of his hand and placing a quick kiss to the center of it. He relaxed his grip and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Very," he answered me back quickly before reaching behind me to swat my ass. "Now get up and get dressed…warmly. It's cold as hell out there."

"Hell's not cold, Edward," I teased only moments before an unidentified article of clothing smacked me in my face.

"Smartass," Edward called after me from the bathroom. I grinned, looking down at what had hit me in my face. It was a set of thermal underwear.

"Thermal underwear? Edward, are you kidding me? Where did you get this?"

"I told you...it's cold outside. And _I_ didn't get it. I had Ronald pick some up for the both of us yesterday evening. Put it on under your clothes."

I examined the thermal underwear Ronald had purchased for me and knew immediately that there was no way it would fit underneath my jeans.

"I don't think I'll be able to fit into my jeans if I do," I laughed as I pulled myself out of bed. God Damn…Edward was right. It was downright cold. I shivered, crossing my arms against my chest in a futile attempt to warm myself.

"You won't if you try and wear these," Edward quipped as he emerged from my closet holding up a pair of my skinny jeans. "But, you will if you wear these," he added as he held up another pair of much looser jeans…ones I didn't immediately recognize.

"Where did you get those?" I asked suspiciously.

"They're mine," he said, and moments later they too were sailing through the air at me.

"Edward, you're like six foot ten or something. I'm just over five and a half feet tall!" I exclaimed.

"Bella..." Edward scoffed, "I'm not nearly that tall. Try six foot one. And you can roll them up. It's not my fault you insist on wearing skin tight jeans…though I must say, I'm not complaining." And he winked at me. _Fuck._ Every time he winked at me I wanted to jump him. _Jesus_. What was wrong with me? Was this normal? I shook my head, trying to clear it of the lust induced fog. I lifted Edward's old t-shirt over my head and pulled his sweat pants off before donning the thermal underwear.

"Don't you look adorable," Edward said, walking up to me and pulling me into his arms for a quick kiss. He too was wearing a set of thermal underwear.

"More like ridiculous," I laughed. "Though I can't complain about what it does for you," I said, my eyes roving up and down his lean form before stopping dead center at his crotch. I reached my hand out and ran my palm along the length of him, feeling him grow hard at my touch.

"Bella," he rasped, reaching down to still my hand. "You are incorrigible," he smiled, shaking his head at me.

"Just one of the many reasons you love me, right?" I teased. Edward reached up with his hands and in an unexpected display of tenderness and affection gently rubbed circles on both of my cheeks.

"No, my love, just one of the _countless_ reasons I love you." And my heart swelled in my chest at the same moment as a blush worked its way across my face.

"Beautiful, just beautiful," Edward murmured while gazing down at my reddened cheeks. "I hope you never stop blushing for me." And true to form, a new round of red colored my cheeks.

"Edward," I huffed in mock annoyance and swatted his hands away. "You're embarrassing me." He laughed aloud and kissed each of my cheeks before heading back into the closet to finish dressing.

"Hurry up, love. Time is of the essence here," he called to me from the closet a few moments later as I scanned the room for my hooded Julliard sweatshirt. I located it in short order and pulled it over my head before pulling on Edward's jeans. Just as I suspected, I was swimming in them, not only in the length but in the waist as well. I pulled a belt from a pair of my jeans that hung over a chair in the room and threaded it through the belt loops on Edward's jeans before pulling it tight. I sighed. It wasn't perfect, but it would do. I then rolled up the bottom of the jeans and stepped in front of the mirror to assess my appearance. I had to laugh. Really. I was a sight. I looked like a hobo. Just then, Edward strode out of the closet and walked up behind me, threading his arms around my waist. He kissed the top of my head and smiled warmly at me in the mirror.

"Ready?" He asked, a touch of excitement in his voice.

"I guess," I laughed lightly. "Where are we going, anyway?" I asked, extremely curious now about our early morning foray out into the bitter cold.

"It's a secret," he whispered into my ear before grabbing my hand in his and dragging me out of our room.

"Come on," he urged as we made our way through the living room toward the front door. He paused there then, letting go of my hand and handing me my parka.

"Gloves, hat and scarf," he announced. "Oh…we'll need an old comforter, too." I shook my head at him.

"Edward, really, this is killing me. Where on earth are you taking me?" I asked as I moved past him and back into our room.

"Sorry, love. I already told you. It's a secret," I heard him answer me as I collected my gloves, scarf and woolen hat off of a shelf in the bedroom closet. Next, I opened an old pine trunk where I stored extra blankets and linens and pulled out an old patchwork quilt my great-grandmother had made for my mother. It was very warm, and from the sound of it, wherever it is we were going it was going to be cold. I strode back out into the living room and Edward was already bundled up tight in his own winter gear. I laughed at him and shoved the quilt into his waiting arms. At least this much was true - wherever it was we were going, nobody would recognize either one of us.

"Ready?" He asked, wagging his eyebrows at me. His beautiful green eyes twinkled, and I couldn't help but smile.

"As I'll ever be," I replied as I turned out the lights and locked the front door behind me.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 05/11


	16. Two Steps Forward

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 16: Two Steps Forward**

Edward led me by the hand down the hall. We moved together at a brisk pace, Edward's obvious excitement starting to rub off on me. I found myself smiling broadly, wanting even to laugh, and it felt so good to feel so carefree after the misery I had endured the day before. When in the presence of Edward, it was hard to believe I'd even suffered a setback. He was like a drug to me, one I couldn't get enough of.

Edward breezed past the elevator and I shot a quizzical glance in his direction.

"Since when do we take the stairs?" I asked. Not that I minded all that much. Being in a relationship could be unforgiving to one's figure and neither Edward nor I were the exception. Both of us had gained a small bit of weight since we'd started seeing one another; lazy, late night dinners tended to do that. But I wasn't complaining. I treasured that time with Edward. It was our time to talk and unwind and just be. Besides, now we had a new activity to help ward off further weight gain. Sex. Raw, vigorous sex. I'd read in one of Alice's magazines that sex could burn up to 150 calories an hour. Granted, it didn't come close to accomplishing what an hour of running could, but running wasn't nearly as much fun.

"Since the paparazzi started scouting out your building," Edward answered me. I froze in place, tightly gripping Edward's hand and pulling him back by my side.

"Wait. Wh... what?" I stammered, not sure I had heard him correctly. "The paparazzi are outside? At this hour?" I wasn't sure what surprised me more, the fact that the paparazzi were outside my building or the fact that they were there at such an ungodly hour.

"Think about it Bella, it makes sense. What better way to prove Jessica Stanley's assertion that we're an actual couple than to snap a photo of me leaving your apartment in the early hours of the morning?"

"Right," I said, shaking my head, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and exposed.

"Come on," Edward gently tugged at my hand, pulling me toward the stairs. We descended the stairs quickly, but right as I reached out to push the door to the parking garage open, Edward placed his hand on mine, squeezing it gently while whispering for me to "wait." He nudged me to the side before peering through the rectangular shaped window frame into the dimly lit garage. His eyes scanned the space for what seemed like forever before he turned to me and nodded.

"All clear. Bring the car around the back of the building and honk once. I'll be waiting right inside the door," he said in a very nonchalant manner. I, in turn, stood there, staring back at him blankly.

"Bella?" Edward asked a moment later. "Is everything all right?"

I blinked twice.

"You're kidding, right? This whole cloak and dagger act is just for laughs," I said, my words punctuated by a nervous laugh.

"Actually, no," Edward answered me. "I mean look, I could care less about the paparazzi snapping a picture of us. But I thought maybe you'd like to avoid that scenario here at your apartment building at six in the morning. Besides, I really don't want them to follow us, which they will if they see me with you."

I thought about this for a moment. Edward was right. I really wasn't ready for pictures of us leaving my apartment in the wee hours of the morning to appear on magazine covers the country over. But really, I was more amazed by the fact that the paparazzi were actually camped outside my building.

"Edward, are you sure? I mean, are you sure the paparazzi are here? I didn't notice anything different when I came home last night."

"That was last night, love. This is this morning. And yes, I'm very sure. And as we stand here beating this subject to death, precious minutes are ticking away. Pretty soon my surprise will be ruined."

"Oh, right. Okay. Around back. Got it. I'll see you in a few," I said before reaching up on my tip toes to quickly kiss his lips. He kissed me back, smiling against my lips.

"Go," he implored while pushing the door to the parking garage ajar.

I slipped inside the garage and headed straight to my car, taking care to keep my head down. I didn't dare look up or around for fear I'd give myself away. I made it to my car without incident and was beginning to think that Edward may have made the whole paparazzi thing up when I happened to glance outside the garage. There, cloaked by the dark of the night was a figure standing guard on the corner, the unmistakable outline of a camera in his right hand. I took care not to slam my door and pulled my hood up over my head and my scarf around my face so that when I did drove by, I'd be virtually unrecognizable. Surely they wouldn't know which car I drove - at least not yet.

I started the engine and turned the heater on before reversing out of my parking space and driving through the garage at what I considered a reasonable rate of speed. I hoped to appear as inconspicuous at possible, but nevertheless I drew the attention of the shadowy figure as I made a left onto 5th Avenue.

I had initially planned to make a right, followed by another sharp right, which would have been the most direct route to the back of my building. Instead, I cruised up the block and made a left, driving away from my building. Moments later, however, I jogged back around, approaching the back of my building from the opposite direction. I congratulated myself for being so clever, feeling certain I'd evaded detection. That is until I honked the horn and it sounded deafeningly loud in the quiet of the night. Edward darted out the back door of my building and jogged around the front of the car before slipping into the seat beside me. I tore off before he even had a chance to buckle his seat belt, his body being thrown slightly forward by the abruptness of my acceleration.

"Jesus Christ, Bella! Slow down!" he yelled. I slammed on the brakes then. I didn't mean to, but I over-reacted to Edward's words and again, he lurched forward.

"Pull over and put the car in park," Edward commanded. I did as he asked and in a flash, he was out of the car and at the driver's side door, pulling it open and gripping my hand.

"Hop out. I'm driving. Your paranoia's going to get us both killed," he chuckled. I inwardly winced at his choice of words, but put on a brave face and climbed out. I moved around the front of the car and took my place in the passenger seat with Edward waiting for me to buckle myself safely in before pulling away from the curb.

"I'm not paranoid," I defended myself after we were safely on our way. We were heading south, though I still had no idea to where. Edward looked over to me, his eyebrows raised in question.

"No?" he challenged me, fighting hard not to smile.

"No," I answered him in stubborn defiance. "I was doing just fine until I honked the horn. It was just so damn loud. I panicked."

Edward laughed, reaching over to grab my hand. He pulled it to his mouth and kissed the back of it before drawing it down the length of his cheek. "Ah, how I love you," he mused quietly under his breath before glancing in my direction. "It _was_ loud. But you did well, love. I see you even made a tactical decision to approach from a different direction. You're a clever girl." He winked at me and smiled, and I shook my head, laughing all the while. He was obviously teasing me, though I felt certain he was at least somewhat impressed by my ability to throw the paparazzi off our trail.

"So I take it Jessica's article has changed things for us after all." I looked over at Edward and he nodded.

"So it seems. People remember our outing from the gala event. Jessica's article was so sensible that people can't help but believe now. I was afraid this might be the case." Edward glanced at me, a slightly panicked expression darting across his face.

"That didn't come out right," he said quickly. "It doesn't upset me. If anything, I'm relieved. I'm just... I'm more worried about you," he added quietly. "This will change things."

Edward gave my hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it and placing it back on the wheel. He stared forward out the windshield then, navigating his way through the city and not saying a word. I turned to look out my window, digesting what Edward had said. We both knew this would happen at some point. And really, it was truly a miracle that it hadn't happened before now. Edward and I had been granted a rare gift of anonymity for over two months. Those times were over now though, if not as a result of Jessica's article then surely as a result of my presence at the premiere of his film. Both of us seemed to be considering this, mulling it over individually before making a collective decision on how to proceed.

"Have you read the article?" Edward asked a while later. We'd been driving for a little over fifteen minutes and I was lost in thought, his question catching me off guard.

"Hmm?" I asked, turning towards him and smiling. The sight of him took my breath away, as it so often did in moments like these - random moments which held little significance other than the fact that I just happened to focus on how beautiful a man Edward really was. He had such strong features; a prominent jaw line, beautifully full lips painted the color of a blush, a well-defined, perfectly proportioned nose and deep set eyes the color of which belonged to him and him alone.

"Earth to Bella," he teased, and I snapped out of my trance.

"Hmm?" I murmured once again and he laughed out loud.

"I asked you if you'd read the article? You know, _the_ article?"

"Oh. Oh! " I laughed, shaking my head. "I did. I read it last night before going to bed. I guess it was the best we could have hoped for, all things considered. I mean, she could have tried to throw something wild and ridiculous out there, like I was pregnant or something," I laughed, remembering Jessica's attempt to blackmail me with the Babies R' Us photos. Although it wasn't humorous at the time, I could laugh at it now.

Edward cast a quizzical glance in my direction, obviously not catching the humor in the situation. But he was quickly distracted by a traffic sign announcing the approaching exit. The sign read Coney Island State Park in bold letters. I was immediately intrigued as Edward crossed several lanes of traffic and exited the highway.

"Coney Island?" I asked curiously and Edward shot a warning look in my direction.

"Bella, is it even possible for me to try and surprise you? You must have been one of those children that snooped around for Christmas presents before Christmas morning," he teased and I rolled my eyes at him. He was of course, correct. Daniel and I were both guilty of snooping. We loved to try and discover where our parents hid our presents, though we generally weren't all that successful.

"Sit back and relax, love," Edward said warmly, reaching over and grabbing my hand once again and taking care to link our fingers together. I humored him, leaning my head back against the headrest and shutting my eyes, relishing in the fact that I was spending time with Edward... outside my apartment nonetheless. I brushed my thumb against his pointer finger, trailing it up and down and running it over the calloused pad of his finger whenever I reached the tip. I smiled to myself. His hands were rough and worn - so masculine, yet at the same time elegantly long and refined. And the music he created with them was nothing short of brilliant.

It was a few minutes later that Edward made several series of turns before shutting off the engine and giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"We're here," he murmured and I opened my eyes. Sure enough, we were at Coney Island State Park, parked in the middle of a remote lot that bordered the beach.

"Shall we?" he asked as he looked over at me, that sparkle that I loved so much gleaming in the corner of each eye. "We don't have much time."

I smiled at Edward, realizing now why time was of the essence. I quickly exited the vehicle and zipped up my parka to shut out the cold. Edward grabbed the quilt from the backseat before walking over to my side of the car and taking my hand. Together we headed up and over a dune and out onto the wide expanse of the beach. We were alone, not a sole in sight, which was not surprising. Most people would not have been so brave as to venture out onto the beach in this weather, which was probably why Edward had selected this location. That and the fact that Coney Island beach was known for its gorgeous sunrises.

"You've brought me to see the sunrise," I said, looking up at him and smiling warmly. He smiled back at me, squeezing my hand.

"I wanted to take you to see the sun rise through the clouds at Haleakala State Park in Hawaii, but that was a bit too far away, so Coney Island will have to do. For today, anyway."

I chuckled softly. "Haleakala, huh?"

"Yes. Have you ever been there?"

I shook my head _no_. I'd been all over the world, but never to Hawaii. I'd always heard it was beautiful though, and could think of no other person I'd rather go with than Edward.

"Seeing the sun rise up through the clouds is nothing short of spectacular. I've only done it once, with my family right before I graduated high school, but it's quite possibly the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. Afterwards we rode down the slope of Haleakala on mountain bikes; that was awesome, too. You ride through something like twelve distinctly different climate zones. It's amazing. It's cold though... bitterly cold at the sunrise, but it warms up as the day progresses and you make your way down the mountain."

Edward very enthusiastically described the experience of biking down the slope of Haleakala and I had to admit, it sounded like a lot of fun. I wondered how difficult it would be for us to do something like that without attracting too much attention and decided it would be virtually impossible. Of course, if Edward and I were both hiding under multiple layers of clothing like we were today, the trip might have potential. And Edward _did_ say that it was cold. I'd have to tuck that particular adventure away into the back of my head as a possibility for the future.

Edward and I strolled up the beach, chatting more about his visit to Hawaii before finally deciding we'd ventured far enough. Edward unfolded my grandmother's quilt then and we settled down side by side in the sand, wrapping the quilt snuggly around our bodies which were huddled together for warmth against the fierce cold. I threaded my arm through Edward's and rested my head on his shoulder, hugging him close to me.

We both watched in silence as the morning sky slowly turned from dark to light. Despite the cold, the breeze was gentle and the waves lapped languidly at the shore. Soon, the faintest hint of red peeked out of the horizon, followed by shades of orange and yellow that melded together into an unnamed hue. It didn't take long before the sun was a semi-circle on the horizon, its luminous rays spiraling outward from its center much like the long and pulsating tentacles of a Portuguese man of war. I lifted my hand to my eyes then, shielding them from the brilliant light that reflected off of the water's surface. It was a magnificent sight to see, and I hugged Edward closer to me in thanks for bringing me here.

"It's gorgeous, Edward. Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing me here," I murmured without ever taking my eyes off of the horizon. The sunrise was so gorgeous; I didn't want to miss a minute of it.

Edward turned his head towards me, leaning in close and whispering in my ear. "When we're standing on the red carpet Friday evening and the paparazzi are snapping photos of us, this is what I want you to think about when you see the flashes of light. This is what I want you to remember, Bella."

I listened carefully to Edward's words, swallowing back the lump that formed in my throat before slowly turning my head towards him. He looked down at me and smiled the most tender and loving of smiles as he reached out to brush the hair from my face. I could feel the tears pooling in the shallows of my eyes as I stared back at him in absolute wonder.

"You did this for me... so that I wouldn't be frightened by the flashes?" I weakly asked, completely taken aback by Edward's words. My voice trailed off as I choked back a sob.

"Oh Edward," I exclaimed, throwing both my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly to me. The quilt fell to the sand and a burst of cold air assaulted us, but I didn't care. "You are the most kind-hearted, thoughtful and caring person I think I've ever known and somehow, someway, you're mine." I pulled away from him then, bringing my hands forward to the sides of his face where I anchored them on his cheeks and stared up into the deep green of his eyes. "Thank you. Thank you for thinking of me." I brought my lips to his and kissed him softly.

"I always think of you," he murmured against my lips. "I could tell that you were distressed yesterday and I didn't know why, but I guessed that it might have something to do with the premiere. I really wanted to give you something to think about that wouldn't cause you any anxiety."

"Thank you, thank you," I said again, this time more emphatically. "God, Edward, you seem to know exactly what I need when _I_ don't even have a clue," I said, shaking my head in wonder.

"I know I've asked a lot of you to attend my premiere with me…"

"Edward," I interrupted him, wanting to be sure that he knew that I _wanted_ to attend his premiere, but he silenced me with a single press of his finger to my lips.

"Hush, love. Let me finish. I know that attending my premiere means taking a gigantic step forward in our relationship. The whole world will know we're together and I know this makes you nervous. I also know it's going to be difficult for you to stand by my side and smile brightly for the cameras when every time you see a flash you're reminded of…" Edward's voice trailed off then and I knew he was wary of speaking about the accident.

"It's okay." I reached up to smooth the tiny creases from around his eyes which indicated to me that he was stressed. "I know what you're trying to say and I appreciate you acknowledging my feelings." Edward nodded, leaning forward to rest his forehead against mine.

"I just want you to know that I'm going to do my best to be there for you, Bella. I'm going to try and make the premiere as uncomplicated and stress-free an event as possible. But if there's a moment when it all just gets to be too much, I want you to shut your eyes and come here. I want you to remember us together on this beach today, the sun rising bright and grand on the horizon. I want you to focus on that, and know that I love you so very much." I buried my face in Edward's chest then, unable to keep from crying any longer.

"I love you, too," I whispered as his strong arms encompassed my shivering form. Edward reached down and grabbed the quilt, bringing it back around us. I was thankful for its warmth, though as I snuggled against Edward's chest, I thought to myself that his arms were much more effective at fulfilling that need.

"Edward?" I called his name a little while later. We remained seated in the sand, wrapped up in one another's arms, gazing out at the sea. I didn't know how much time had passed, nor did I care. The sun was now high in the sky and the cry of gulls periodically pierced the otherwise quiet November morning.

Edward hummed at me in response, not bothering to look down. His eyes were fixed on the horizon, on the way the light played on the water creating the illusion of sparkling diamonds. It was mesmerizingly beautiful, but I couldn't be distracted by that now. I sighed heavily, reaching across with my right hand to play with the zipper on Edward's jacket. He looked down at me then, his head cocked slightly to the side and his brows pulled together in thought.

"Bella? Is everything all right?" His left arm came up to still my hand and his quizzical gaze met my anxious one. He leaned in to place a small kiss to my lips.

"What is it, love?" he gently pressed. I took a deep breath, knowing that now was as good a time as any to talk to him. He'd opened himself up to me; it was my turn now.

"Yesterday wasn't so good for me," I started slowly, willing myself not to look away from him. I wanted him to know that I was being as open and as honest with him as I could possibly be. He nodded slowly. I wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know.

"It's really difficult for me to talk to you about this. I... I don't want to hurt you." I felt Edward stiffen a little at my words, but his face remained calm and focused.

"Bella..." My name rolled off of Edward's lips, and he stared at me for a moment. His mouth was slightly parted as if to speak, but he was obviously struggling with what to say. I made to interrupt him, not wanting him to think the worst, but he silenced me with a quick kiss to the lips.

"Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything," he quickly told me. "I promise to always listen to what you have to say and to do my best never to judge." Edward reached up with both of his hands then, cupping my face in his palms and staring intently into my eyes while issuing his quiet plea. "Please. Let me in."

And how could I not? With his wide green eyes boring into my own, begging me to trust him, how could I not let him in? Surely it was harder to keep him out...

"I'm afraid of being without you, Edward," I began, figuring it best to confess my most base fear. "I've felt like this for awhile, actually, which was why it was so difficult for me to let you leave on your press tour." Edward nodded slowly, his hands slipping from my face to our laps where he gently took both my hands in his.

"It was difficult for me, too," Edward offered as his hands rubbed softly against my own. I sighed, leaning into him and allowing myself to be comforted by him.

"I know it was," I murmured against his chest before looking back up at him. "And I don't want to take away from what you felt, but I don't think it's exactly the same thing. Ever since losing my mother and my brother, I've been gripped by this intense fear of losing someone I love again. In order to avoid that happening, I've done what was easiest, which was never to let anyone in. But now that I'm with you, sometimes it's all I think about."

"I swear to you Bella that I will never leave you," Edward swiftly said, and the sincerity with which he spoke his words caused me to shudder. My eyes fell shut and I swallowed hard, wanting so desperately to hold it together.

"I know," I whispered back, softly. "You don't need to try and convince me of that. I believe you. But both you and I know that come January, we'll be apart for a long length of time. I'm not sure I can..." I wanted to continue but I couldn't. I was once again overwhelmed by what it would feel like to have Edward absent from my life. I buried my head in Edward's chest, weeping quietly while he wrapped his arms around me and shushed me. Yesterday my instinct was to run from Edward, to put as much distance between myself and him as possible. Today, wrapped protectively in his arms, my instinct was to hold fast to him and allow him to shoulder the burden of my fear with me.

"Come with me to Paris."

Edward spoke the words slowly, clearly, yet it still took a moment for me to fully register what he'd said. I shifted on his chest, reaching up to brush the tears from my eyes. They were clouding my vision, interfering with my ability to see Edward clearly.

"In January?" I stupidly asked, stumbling over my words. Edward chuckled softly.

"Yes, silly girl. In January. Come with me to Paris and we won't have to be apart."

There are moments in our lives when we are faced with very important decisions. Sitting there with Edward I knew immediately that this was one of those moments. And even though I knew the answer to Edward's question before he ever even asked, I allowed myself to wonder _what if? _What if I revolted against all that was reasonable and just said yes? What if I decided to run off to Paris with Edward and leave everything behind? But though it caused a deep ache in my heart - the type of ache I'd not allowed myself to feel in a very long time, I knew that I couldn't go. I just couldn't go.

"I can't, Edward," I answered him, my head hanging low. I felt him stiffen under me, his arm going rigid on mine. I felt the slightest bit of tremor in his hand as it continued to grip my arm and I knew in that moment that my answer was not what he had desired or expected.

"Why not?" Edward's voice was gruff, stressed now. His question was more complicated than he realized, and I struggled to try and explain why.

"All that I am, Edward, everything that I have is here in New York."

"Not everything," Edward reminded me, though he didn't have to. "You have me, and come January I won't be in New York."

He was right - heartbreakingly so.

"I know," I whispered softly. "But my entire life, my identity has been defined by music. I'm in my last semester at Julliard. I've worked hard to earn my degree and I can't just up and walk away from it. It would be like walking away from myself... from everything that defines me... from the only part of me that feels real and true."

"There are schools in Paris, Bella. Why not postpone graduation for a semester and study at the Paris Conservatory?" I stiffened slightly at his words, shaking my head vigorously back and forth.

"That's... that's not an option, Edward," I said, and he looked down at me quizzically. Before he could press me for an explanation, I hurriedly explained that I'd been offered a teaching assistant position at Julliard the following term. I told him that it would be unwise for me to turn this opportunity down, especially if I was going to consider pursuing graduate studies there.

"Oh," Edward said, softly acknowledging my quandary. "When did this happen?"

"Just yesterday," I answered back.

"So it seems you've no choice but to stay," he mused, his eyes no longer focused on mine.

"No... not really."

"So that leaves us…"

"Right back where we started," I said, finishing Edward's sentence for him.

"With me leaving for Paris in January and you frightened about what it's going to do to you," he clarified. I nodded my head sadly, because that really was what this was all about. But it wasn't just about Paris. It was about all the other times that Edward would have to leave me. And he _would_ have to leave meagain. Even if he did take a hiatus from films as we'd briefly discussed, he would eventually have to go back. He couldn't turn his back on who he was and what he did any more than I could. A tentative silence fell upon us then, and though we remained seated together side by side, each of us allowed our thoughts to drift off on their own.

It was Edward who spoke first a little while later.

"I think a lot about what it must have been like for you." Edward spoke in a hushed voice, his eyes focused forward on the horizon. "To have lost two people who meant the world to you in such a tragic and unexpected way. And then, to think you were dying too, that your moment had arrived..." I could hear Edward's voice hitch in his throat. I looked up at him and his eyes were closed, and I watched as his jaw flexed back and forth as he ground his teeth together. He was trying to hold it together for me, trying to be strong, but it was very obviously a struggle for him.

"Fuck," he muttered, reaching up with his left hand to wipe at his eyes. And though I hated that Edward was hurting, my heart swelled with love for this man who hurt _for_ me and who struggled to try and find a way to comfort me and carry me through my pain. Edward opened his eyes again and looked down at me.

"Bella, I won't try and pretend that I can understand how difficult this is for you. I can't. I don't want to leave you in January and I can tell you now, it will be the single most difficult thing I've ever had to do. But I _can_ do it. It's different for you though, and I know this and I accept this. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me, because it does. It scares the hell out of me that you might decide that it's just too much. And I just... I want to do whatever I can to make this easier for you. _God_, I just don't want to lose you. But I don't know what to do. Please tell me, Bella."

"I wish I knew," I choked out before turning to bury my head in Edward's chest once again.

"Sshh," Edward murmured against my head as he rubbed his arm up and down my own.

"Can you tell me Bella?" Edward gently encouraged me. "Can you tell me what brought all of this on? I mean, I know this has been building for awhile. I know we're both preoccupied by my departure. But something happened yesterday that really upset you, and maybe if I knew what that was I could help you. I could help you to feel better."

"I woke up alone."

I told Edward the same thing I'd told Alice, because it was the truth. As ridiculous as it may have sounded, waking up alone and the feeling of abandonment that accompanied it had caused my emotions to spiral out of control.

"I felt... and this kills me to say this to you Edward, but I felt abandoned." I could hear Edward wince at my choice of words. I knew that even though I didn't intend them to, they hurt.

"And I think everything was made that much more intense by the fact that we'd shared something so special just hours before. The closer we become, the more frightened I am of losing you... of losing what we have. And my base instinct yesterday morning was to run, to do anything and everything I had to do to protect myself from ever having to experience that type of hurt again. It was too close, Edward. It was too close to what I felt when my mother and brother passed away."

"We can't always be together, Bella," Edward whispered softly, but firmly. "And you should know by now that I will always come home to you. I was coming home to you yesterday, but you chose to leave instead." Edward was the voice of reason now, but it didn't change how I felt.

"I know, I know," I cried, starting to feel overwhelmed. "It's all messed up like that, Edward. And I know it can't make any sense to you because it hardly makes sense to me! And I hate that I'm doing this to you... to _us_. I wish I could pretend I don't have these feelings, but I can't. I've pretended for so long, and I just can't do it anymore. So I'm trying; I'm really trying to just allow myself to feel whatever it is I need to feel, to not deny myself that anymore. But it's hard. It's so hard."

Edward sighed deeply, squeezing me to him hard before gently pushing me away from his chest and looking me in the eye.

"I know it's hard, Bella, and I know you're trying. And I want you to know that I think you're so brave and so strong. And the fact that you're at least willing to try, despite the struggle it is for you, it's enough for me. I don't expect you to be able to work through everything you're feeling all at once. All I ask is that you don't push me away. I know that may be the hardest thing of all for you to do, but I don't... I just don't think we can survive together as a couple if you do."

I nodded at Edward, knowing that what he said was true. No matter how much two people loved one another, it meant nothing if they couldn't turn to each another during hard times.

"Would you be willing to try something?" Edward asked in a slightly hesitant tone of voice.

"What's that?" I wondered.

"Would you be willing to call me, first thing, whenever you start to feel frightened or overwhelmed? Even if it goes against every instinct you have?" Edward looked down at me expectantly, his wide eyes beseeching me to agree to what on the surface, appeared to be a very simple request. "If you can promise me that," he continued, "I will in turn promise you that no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I will do my best to reassure you that I am here for you, that you're not alone, and that I have not, nor will I ever, abandon you."

And I knew in that moment what my answer had to be. I remembered with great clarity what just hearing his voice on the answering machine had done for me. It had settled me. It had grounded me. And if I could face my fears and listen to my heart and run to Edward in those moments when my head was telling me to run the hell away, maybe, just maybe, we could work through this. If in those moments I feared losing him the most it was his voice I listened to, reassuring me that he was indeed still there, I might just be able to overcome my fear of losing love again. And we could move forward. We could try and truly move forward in our relationship.

"Yes," I whispered. "I can do that."

I felt Edward relax around me as he exhaled sharply, as if he'd been holding his breath in anticipation of what my answer would be.

"Good," he said simply, pulling me into him and resting his chin atop my head. And I could have sworn I felt his chin quiver, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I pulled my arm from where it lay pinned against his chest and wound it around his waist, swaddling him in my warmth, my love and my appreciation. And I thanked God. Yes, I thanked a God I wasn't even sure existed, that this man was a part of my life.

Our lives are made up of small moments in time, the sum of which mold us, shape us and ultimately define who we are and what we become. I thought about this as Edward and I made our way back along the beach to where we'd parked my car. This day, the particular moment in which I watched the sun rise with Edward for the very first time, would be indelibly marked in my mind as a turning point in my life. I would no longer run from what I feared. Instead, I would face it head on as I had never done before. And surprisingly, my decision to do so not only felt right, it felt good. I could do this. I was brave. I was strong. Edward had said so himself. And more importantly, I was starting to believe it myself.

Edward and I didn't say much to each other as we drove the distance between Coney Island and Manhattan. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, rather we were both just emotionally spent. I was exhausted and I knew that Edward must be too, especially considering he'd been working all night. I wanted nothing more than to go home, crawl back in bed, plaster myself against Edward and fall asleep. But I couldn't do that today. I had to go to school. Soon we'd be leaving for L.A., and I had precious little time left to practice. Which reminded me, I needed to talk to Edward about Thanksgiving. But for some unfathomable reason, I was anxious about doing so. I chewed nervously at my bottom lip and stared down at my hands fidgeting involuntarily in my lap. Their movement did not go unnoticed.

"You're fidgeting," Edward announced as we reached the outer limits of Manhattan. He reached over and stilled my hand with his own while simultaneously casting a gentle smile in my direction.

"Everything all right?" he tentatively questioned me, and though he tried to keep his tone of voice light, a hint of panic managed to creep through.

"Yes!" I assured him quickly.

"Thank God," he visibly sighed. "Not that I mind us working through problems together," he was quick to add. "But I really think we need a respite from all the angst." Edward laughed and I laughed too, which helped to relieve some of my tension.

"Edward, I was thinking… well, I was really hoping that maybe…" I couldn't find the right words to say and it frustrated me. Why was this so difficult for me?

"Spit it out, Bella," Edward teased.

"How would you feel about spending Thanksgiving with my father at the vineyard?" I spit it out, just as Edward requested, and his eyes opened wide in surprise. He'd obviously not considered this option, though if the smile that tugged hard at his lips was any indication of how he felt about the idea, he'd be more than happy to accompany me.

"I think it's a wonderful idea," he said, and he couldn't help but smile widely at me now. Drawing our clasped hands to his mouth, he kissed mine.

"Have you already spoken with your father?" he asked me excitedly.

"No, but I'm sure he'll be as thrilled as you seem to be. Aren't you supposed to be nervous or something?"

I laughed at Edward's obvious enthusiasm over spending Thanksgiving with my father. Edward was in many ways the complete antithesis of what I'd always envisioned most men to be. He was nurturing, always tender and loving, endlessly patient… and now it truly appeared as if he wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my father.

"Why would I be nervous? We've already spoken on the phone, and I got the distinct impression that he liked me."

"You weren't dating his daughter then," I teased, though there was no doubt in my mind my father was going to love Edward.

"True, but anyone should be able to see how I feel about you, Bella. I'm hoping that's all that's important to him."

"It is," I sighed, sinking into my seat and shutting my eyes in an attempt to catch a few moments rest before we arrived home. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be possible.

"Christ, you've got to be kidding me," Edward muttered, and I immediately sat up in my seat.

"What is it?" I asked as I looked around.

"Look up the street," Edward instructed as he moved to change lanes. I did as he told me to, my eyes moving in a parallel line with the road till they came to rest on my apartment building a few blocks away. My eyes grew wide with disbelief and panic.

"Oh my God, is this for real?" I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was like something out of a movie. There were vans everywhere. And not just any vans, but vans belonging to every press outlet imaginable, including ones well known and ones I'd never heard of before. Edward managed to shift lanes and made a sharp left, successfully evading certain discovery.

"Where are we going?" I asked, not recognizing the route Edward was carving through the city.

"Back to my hotel; there's more security there," Edward said as he reached into his pocket and removed his phone. He punched a single digit before bringing the phone to his ear.

"Ronald? They're onto us. There are swarms of them outside her apartment. How do things look over there?"

I sat in silence beside Edward, anxious for Ronald's response. I was hoping and praying that a similar event wasn't playing out in front of the Ritz Carlton. This was my worst nightmare coming true. And while I'd expected to deal with the paparazzi at the premiere of Edward's film, I wasn't prepared to deal with them this morning. I really didn't want to make a spectacle of myself, not here, not now, but my breaths started coming in short, rapid succession and I knew that I was about to start hyperventilating.

"Edward… Edward!" I raised my voice some and he looked in my direction. He panicked some when he saw the expression on my face and mumbled something to Ronald before slamming his phone closed.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe," he commanded firmly, and I did, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly several times in an effort to catch my breath.

"It's all right. Everything is going to be all right." Edward's voice was softer, gentler now. He reached out with his free hand and placed it on my left knee, making it a point to rub soothing circles.

"Ronald says the coast is clear at the Ritz. They must have figured out I've been staying with you and they're camped out there, waiting for me to make an appearance."

"Or maybe we weren't as careful as we thought we were this morning and they're waiting for us to return," I suggested.

"It's a possibility," Edward agreed. "But regardless of why they're there, I'd feel better if we went back to my hotel for a while, just until they clear out, which I assure you, they will." Edward made it a point to look me directly in the eye as he spoke, and the certainty with which he seemed to feel his words to be true served to alleviate my fears, if only marginally.

"Okay... I mean I'm fine with that. It's about time you invite me to your place, anyway. We've been together for over two months after all," I teased in an attempt to add levity to the situation. Edward chuckled softly as he pulled onto a small side street that wound around the back of the Ritz Carlton and emptied into a large parking lot. He pulled up to a double wide, windowless door, quickly parking the car and motioning for me to get out. I did so, with him meeting me around the front of the car and grabbing my hand before pulling me toward the door. It looked like an outside storage closet, and I hesitated for a moment before Edward pulled open the door and led me into what appeared to be a large warehouse full of tables and chairs stacked from floor to ceiling.

"Where are we?" I asked, completely bewildered by my surroundings.

"Banquet storage," was Edward's short reply. He didn't waste any time, leading me expertly through the maze of furniture. We encountered yet another set of double wide doors which Edward opened carefully, peeking his head out and looking in both directions to make sure all was clear before leading us out into an exquisitely decorated ballroom. I tensed when I saw a few staff members mulling about the room, gripping Edward's hand tightly in my own.

"It's okay, love," Edward soothed. "They won't bother us. They know the drill."

"The drill?" I asked as we moved through yet another set of doors and out into an open hallway. Edward practically dragged me to the end of the hall where we stopped in front of what appeared to be a service elevator.

"Yes, the drill. It's very common for celebrities to enter hotels through service entrances. The staff that work in these areas are accustomed to the comings and goings and don't generally bother with us. We're just a part of their normal work routine." Edward laughed a little, and I nodded. It made sense.

Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin rectangular key, scanning it across a sensor on the wall. The door slid open and we slipped inside. Once inside, Edward scanned his key once more before selecting the 25th floor. The elevator cranked to life and we rapidly ascended floors on a non-stop trip straight to our destination.

As we stepped out into the hall of the 25th floor, I immediately recognized that we hadn't arrived on just any floor in the hotel. The 25th floor was home to what appeared to be a total of four grand suites, two on either side of the hall. Edward was noticeably more relaxed as he led me to Suite 25A, presumably his own. Across the hall in front of Suite 25C, there sat a room service cart with two empty bottles of 1996 Dom Perignon Rose champagne. Two crystal champagne glasses and what appeared to be a half eaten tray of exotic fruits and cheeses completed the display.

"Whoever's staying in that suite certainly has expensive taste," I absently observed. "That bottle of champagne runs close to four hundred dollars. It's exquisite champagne, though. Such wonderfully vibrant flavors and great acidity..."

I jumped as I felt Edward wrap his arms around me from behind and growl into my ear.

"Fuck, that's sexy when you talk wine." He leaned in and kissed my neck then, eliciting a tiny moan from my throat.

"It's champagne Edward, not wine," I tried to tease, but his mouth on my neck was driving me wild.

"Semantics, Bella… you're arguing semantics with me now?" he mumbled against my skin. I chuckled softly while arching my neck to the side to allow him better access.

"It's been too long, baby," Edward rasped as he struggled to insert his key into the door. I most definitely agreed and was suddenly very impatient to get inside Edward's suite. My hands traveled back behind my head, finding purchase in Edward's unruly locks. I yanked him forward and he gasped, clutching at my waist as the door clicked open and we stumbled forward into the foyer. I laughed as I crashed into the wall, but immediately fell silent when Edward turned me around to face him. I looked up into his eyes and they were smoldering, staring back at me with naked, unbridled desire. I gulped, taking a step backwards so that my back now lay flush with the wall. I felt the intensity of Edward's desire wash over me and I knew right then and there that there was no way in hell we were going to make it any further than the foyer. He wanted me, here and now. And I felt the same.

Our mouths crashed together in an urgent manner as we both groped at each other's clothing. Although they had done their part to keep us warm, I now cursed the multiple layers we both wore. I was growing increasingly frustrated with their removal when Edward fell against me and rasped into my ear.

"Fuck, I can't wait, Bella. I need you, now."

Edward pushed his pants and underwear down before fumbling with my own. They finally fell to the floor and in one forceful and determined stroke, he pushed his gloriously long and hardened length inside of me. The sensation was so stunning it caused my knees to buckle and my back to slip down the wall. Edward's hands moved quickly to grasp my bottom, stabilizing me as he thrust into me.

"I… I… oh God, I needed this, baby," Edward managed to mumble into my neck as he ground his hips against mine.

"Me too, baby, me too."

I reached around and cradled his bottom in my hands, pushing against him, urging him to take me, hard. We hadn't fucked like this yet, and this is truly what this was. _Fucking_. And I fucking loved it.

"Ungh... aahh…" Edward's grunts and groans filled my ear and caused my body to turn to jelly. I held onto him as best I could as he plowed into me, relentlessly.

"Fuck, I'm close… already," Edward rasped through warm, sloppy kisses to my neck. I was, too. My center was throbbing from the force of his cock slamming into me.

"God, you're so hard in me, baby. Take me. Take me like you want to. I'm yours."

Edward growled into my neck and started frantically pumping into me then and my arms fell limply to my side. My body started to quiver and I felt my own self teetering on the edge. I was so close, and I knew he was too, and I wanted us to come together. I reached up with my left arm, fisting my hand into his hair. I pulled hard, and Edward cried out at the sensation.

"Fuck me, Edward. Fuck me hard," I commanded while staring straight into his wild eyes. And he did. Edward thrust into me hard, my body slamming back against the wall from the force of it. He was relentless, his need to be inside of me reducing me to nothing more than an object of pure and wanton desire. Edward bucked his hips inward one last time as he roared out my name against my neck, his come exploding from his cock as my own orgasm overtook me. I could feel my walls clamping down tightly around him, draining him of every drop he had before we both collapsed to our knees, each of us panting heavily into the other's necks.

"That was hot," I rasped, pulling back from Edward and staring up at him. We both managed a laugh, though it was difficult to do when we still hadn't caught our breaths.

"Where did that come from, anyway?" Edward asked as he stared at me in utter amazement. "Fuck me hard? Christ Bella, it's making me hard again just thinking about it." Edward continued to try and catch his breath as I looked down and examined his crotch. Sure enough, his cock was long and firm and just begging to be touched… again. I reached out to do just that, wanting him again just as desperately as I'd wanted him only moments before, but Edward stopped me.

"Uh uh," he said, grasping my hand in his and leaning forward so that his forehead touched mine. "I just finished fucking you. Now I'm going to make love to you."

My heart skipped a beat at his words and my breath hitched in my throat at the anticipation of doing just that. Edward pressed his lips gently to mine, kissing me softly, languidly, all the while pulling me up off of the floor and scooping me up into his arms. He didn't stop kissing me as he carried me into the bedroom, and when he laid me back into the nest of pillows, I gasped.

"Edward Cullen, you told me my couch was more comfortable than this bed!"

Edward pulled away from me and shrugged.

"I lied."

That he did. The bed was indescribably soft, the mass of it wrapping us up in a snug cocoon. Edward smiled knowingly at me as he worked to remove our remaining apparel.

"You like this, huh?" he asked as he wagged his eyebrows at me.

"I do," I answered him softly, my eyes wandering down to where his cock stood fully erect. I swallowed hard, trying not to tremble as Edward's hands skimmed along the surface of my now bare body. Edward positioned himself over me then, pausing for a moment to ghost his right hand along the side of my face.

"I love you, sweet girl," he said, smiling softly at me.

"Me too, baby. Me, too."

"I'm going to make love to you now," he whispered as he pushed into me slowly, gently. And he did. We took our time this time around, neither one of us needing, or for that matter wanting, to rush anything. Instead, we allowed ourselves to get lost in the sensation of being joined together as we rocked our hips slowly against one another. I climaxed first, never taking my eyes off of Edward's as my body trembled against his. Neither did Edward's gaze wander from mine as he followed me in my orgasm. And as the last bit of Edward's release filled me, he lay his head on my chest, and soon the slow, rhythmic thump of his heart against mine told me that he was asleep.

I let myself lay beneath Edward for a short while, loving the feel of his bare skin against mine. I ran my fingers up through his hair, which was damp with perspiration from our frenzied sex in the foyer, and I couldn't help but smile. Wasn't it just this morning I'd decided that Edward and I would have to engage in raw, vigorous sex to ward off any further weight gain? Our little foray in the foyer certainly qualified as such, and I was looking forward to even more. But in the immediate moment I found myself in a quandary. How in the hell was I going to get out of here? And more importantly, what was I going to wear? I had no clothes with me, and unless I wanted to dress back in thermal underwear and Edward's jeans, I had to come up with an alternative plan.

I grudgingly sat up in bed, doing my best not to disturb Edward. I padded across the floor and out into the living room where I retrieved my phone from the pocket of Edward's pants. I quickly dialed Alice's number, glancing at my watch and nearly falling over when I saw that it was already eleven in the morning. The day was close to half over! Alice picked up on the last ring.

"Alice!" I cried her name in relief. "If it's not too much to ask, I need help! I need you to bring me some clothes!"

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

Follow me on **Twitter - misgatoslocos**! I'll follow you back!

Edited 06/11


	17. A Fresh Perspective

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This fic is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610**, my beta extraordinaire and to **aerobee82**, my phenomenal pre-reader.

Thanks to **whynot**, my VB over on Twilighted and to **readergoof** for creating my beautiful banner.

**Chapter 17: A Fresh Perspective**

**EPOV**

I yawned heavily, leaning my head against the cold pane of the window while staring out at the gentle rain falling from the still dark sky. It was a little after five in the morning on Thanksgiving. I'd been on set since two o'clock the day before, having just gotten off work a little while earlier. I'd headed back to my hotel to grab a quick shower, but though I was wrecked, I decided it best not to attempt a quick cat nap. I didn't want to be the one showing up late for our flight. So instead, I decided to head directly to the airport, knowing I'd be early for our six thirty a.m. departure but figuring I could try to rest in the limo while I waited for Bella… my sweet Bella... to arrive.

The limo sat on the tarmac at JFKs General Aviation Terminal alongside the seven passenger Cessna Citation that Bella and I would be taking to California. I chuckled softly to myself as I recalled my conversation with Bella regarding our flight arrangements. She'd called me late Tuesday evening while I was at work, wondering what time we'd be landing in L.A. on Thursday and whether or not Melinda had rented us a car to make the couple hour drive to her house in the Santa Ynez Valley. I was surprised by her questions, assuming she realized we'd be flying direct from JFK into the Santa Ynez Valley Airport. She was immediately curious, wondering which of the major airlines flew into that small commuter airport. When I told her we'd be flying in the Citation, she'd gone immediately silent on the line. Apparently, she didn't like small aircrafts.

_"Oh," she'd whispered softly into the phone. "I didn't realize. I thought we'd be flying a commercial airliner, you know, as in a spacious jumbo jet." She had hesitated for just a moment before continuing. "Small planes make me nervous."_

I no longer flew domestically in commercial aircraft. I hadn't since shortly after the premiere of _Deep in the Woods_. As a result of the complete and total chaos that ensued after the film's premiere, Melinda had thought it best that we purchase a fractional ownership in a private aircraft - one that could handle my transportation needs within the continental United States. I didn't disagree. Traveling through airports was hell when you had thousands of screaming girls begging for your attention and the paparazzi snapping at your heels. It was worse yet when you were recognized and cornered on the aircraft. That happened to me on several occasions, with overzealous fans having to be forcefully told to take their seats. These were altogether stressful situations for me, and though it cost quite a bit more to hire a private jet, it was worth every penny we paid in order to preserve my sanity. I explained all of this to Bella over the phone.

_"But I met you on a commercial flight," Bella pressed, sounding somewhat confused by my words. _

_ "Remember, love? I told you I never should have been on that flight…"_

I _had_ met Bella on a commercial flight, but the truth of the matter was I never should have been on that plane. At the time, I never considered how meaningful the events of that fated September day would be, but they were.

I was scheduled to fly from L.A. to New York to begin production on my new film. Melinda had booked airtime on the Citation months earlier, but when she called to confirm my reservation the morning of the flight, there had been a mix up. The plane that was scheduled to fly me from L.A. to New York was all the way across the country in West Palm Beach, Florida, preparing to take off with clients for Bar Harbor, Maine. There was no way the aircraft would be available to take me to New York that day, but they had assured me a flight first thing the following morning. That wouldn't work, however, as I had obligatory early morning meetings in New York that day. Melinda had been none too happy and demanded that the company find another aircraft to take me to New York. After a few hours of scrambling, the director of the company himself called back and informed us they had an aircraft waiting for us at LAX.

All seemed to be back on track when we arrived at LAX that afternoon. I boarded the plane, a Hawker instead of my preferred Citation, but I didn't complain. I just wanted to get to New York. But it seemed that just wasn't meant to happen, at least not in the Hawker. I was buckled in and awaiting take-off when an emergency alarm of some sort sounded in the cockpit. The pilots tried to troubleshoot the problem, but were left mystified as to what was causing the malfunction and had no other choice but to turn the aircraft around.

It looked like I wouldn't be flying to New York that day unless I flew on a commercial airliner. I wasn't happy about that. I was tired and really didn't want to deal with the public. However at that point, I was left with no other choice. I could only hope that Melinda would be able to scrape together a half booked red-eye flight with an empty first class cabin. I was sorely disappointed, of course. Melinda made some calls and discovered that only a single seat remained on all planes flying direct from L.A. to New York, and it was on an American Airlines jumbo jet. At least the seat was in First Class, thank God, but I wouldn't be seated alone. And so it was that I'd boarded that jet, thoroughly frustrated and tired, but having no other choice than to take the flight.

_"Oh…" Bella whispered softly, obviously understanding for the first time how improbable it was that we should have met._

_ I sighed. "Like I always say, love, it was fate."_

Though it was improbable, Bella and I met on that red-eye flight from L.A. to New York, and I could honestly say I'd never been so glad of anything in my life. I remembered clearly, seeing her for the very first time. She'd practically stumbled onto the aircraft, tripping over her own highly impractical flip flops, in an obvious rush to sit down. The entire aircraft was seated and buckled in, ready for take-off, and we'd waited on one sole passenger – _her_. I'd been hopeful that the person occupying the seat next to mine would be a no show, but when I saw who it was I'd be sitting next to, I was pleasantly surprised as well as highly amused. I'd tried to appear disinterested, staring blankly at my book as Bella struggled to put away her carry on before taking her seat, but it was next to impossible. For some unfathomable reason I couldn't even begin to explain, I felt drawn towards her. She was beautiful, in a very simple sort of way. Her long chestnut hair hung in slightly unkempt waves, cascading over her shoulders to midway down her back. She was petite, with a delicate face and small hands. She wore little make-up, if any at all, but it wasn't necessary. Hers was a natural beauty.

I'd tried to just leave it at that, tried to just ignore her after my initial assessment. I was very tired and really just wanted to get some rest. But then she opened her laptop and began composing music, a cello concerto - the melody of which I immediately recognized as being reminiscent of Elgar's own masterpiece. And that was it. I was intrigued. And she appeared interested in me, too; I caught her casting sidelong glances in my direction on several occasions, obviously thinking me to be asleep. But I wasn't. Instead, I sat and wondered to myself if she had any idea who I was, and just hoped that if she did that she wasn't a nutcase who tried to throw herself at me. I was always cautious when meeting new people, particularly women, and was no less cautious that night. I wouldn't remove my sunglasses or my hoody. They were my best bet at remaining anonymous.

Soon after take-off, the stewardess came around asking passengers if they wanted anything to eat or drink. I was pretending to rest and didn't ask for anything, but Bella ordered water and things took an interesting turn when she inadvertently spilled it on me. To this day, she denies that it was on purpose, and I know that it wasn't, but I still love to tease her about it. It was a shock, of course, to feel the cold liquid douse my lap - an even greater shock still to feel Bella's hand pawing at my crotch. I reacted without thinking, speaking sternly to her, and immediately regretted my behavior. She was obviously horrified, embarrassed to the extreme. And that was when I saw it for the first time. It began as a rose colored rash just below her collarbone, steadily creeping upward across her face and into the most beautiful shade of crimson I thought I'd ever seen. She couldn't know it, but my breath hitched in my throat in that moment and it was a struggle just to breathe. I knew then that I had to talk to her. And so I did.

Bella and I ended up talking for hours, and though I should have been amazed by our similarities, I really wasn't. Somehow I think I knew even then that it was no coincidence I'd met this girl… this beautiful, musically gifted and slightly mysterious girl. And while I'd been nervous when she finally realized who I was (the flicker of recognition in her eyes was unmistakable), I soon realized there was no reason to be. The sincerity with which she spoke to me, sharing bits and pieces of who she was while in turn listening to me as I did the same, told me she didn't care that I was Edward Cullen, the actor. She was instead interested in me - not in _what_ I was, but in _who_ I was. She saw into my soul, and though it was completely presumptuous, utterly ludicrous and highly premature, I found myself hoping for the first time in a very long time that maybe I might find love after all, specifically with this girl… with Bella Swan. So it was that I asked for her number, knowing I'd be a fool to deny the unlikelihood of the events that had brought us together.

Two months later, and so much had happened, the most obvious thing being that I'd fallen hopelessly in love with Bella and she in turn with me. Time had rushed by, during which had passed the most amazing and intense days of my life. I was a fool for love now, rather a fool for Bella. From the moment we met she had drawn me in, enchanted me, and that hadn't changed. She had quickly become my life, my entire reason for being and was a part of everything that I did. She made me feel so at ease; I loved her like I'd loved no other. And it was beautiful, thrilling, all consuming… and scary as hell, for even as life had handed me a gift above and beyond any I dared hope for, life had also proven itself a foe. Life… _real_ _life_ that was... always seemed to be standing in our way, presenting what at times seemed like insurmountable obstacles, testing our faith in ourselves and in each other.

The most obvious obstacle Bella and I faced was my career. The fact that I was Hollywood's latest craze made it ridiculously difficult to maintain any semblance of a normal relationship. My life was not normal; it was anything but. I was constantly hounded by the paparazzi and the general public, pressed for details about my private life, begged for autographs and pictures and offered everything from people's firstborn children to drugs to prostitutes. It was crazy, and a little bit fucked up if you asked me. I just wanted to act for Christ's sake, and suddenly as a result of my portrayal of Alexander Sands, people couldn't seem to get enough of me and I couldn't seem to get away from them.

I had to admit, the fame was sort of thrilling at first, though Daniella and I were rather like deer in a headlight as we navigated the madness that ensued after _Deep in the Woods_ premiered. I didn't think anybody, most definitely not me, realized how wildly successful our portrayal of the book's characters would be. It was fun at first, to be recognized and sought out. I loved signing autographs and taking pictures with my fans. After all, they were the reason I was there. But things quickly grew out of hand, all out dangerous, not just for myself but for my fans as well. They had to stop taking me to mall appearances once a crazed group of teenage girls rushed a stage I was standing on in the center of the Mall of America in Minnesota. The stage collapsed and several of the girls were seriously injured. That was a real eye opener for me, to see that people were so desperate to see me, talk to me and even try and touch me that they would disregard the safety not only of themselves but also of others around them. It was downright scary.

What was at first fun quickly became my worst nightmare. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without having it splashed across every gossip magazine in America. And yes, after having gone from being virtually unknown into Hollywood's hottest commodity almost overnight, I began to feel somewhat resentful. I wanted a life of my own, and I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever have one again. I started spending more time by myself in my hotel room while making films and would hardly ever go out, even with members of the cast. It just wasn't worth all the speculation. Shit, if I just walked into the bathroom of a night club, suddenly I was snorting cocaine or having sex with a prostitute. It was ridiculous, and demeaning. That wasn't who I was. That was _never_ who I was. And though I tried hard, it was slowly starting to get to me, to drive me crazy. For the first time since I'd started my career in acting, I was really beginning to question whether or not I'd made the right decision. I was drowning. I wanted out. I wanted my life back and to remember who it was that Edward Cullen really was. And then I met Bella, my sweet Bella. And she gave me more normalcy than I'd had in a very long time, and she helped me to remember who I was.

Of course, as if the life I led didn't place enough pressure on our relationship, my sweet Bella had ghosts of her own. And in many ways, these ghosts proved even harder for us to deal with than the fucked up reality of my own life. Bella lost her mother and her brother in a tragic accident when she was just a young teen, and the emotional scars from that event ran deep. I didn't know this at first, of course, but I could see from the beginning that Bella was fragile and frequently in emotional pain. She tried to hide it, tried hard to be normal, but she didn't do such a good job at it. And it seemed the closer we got to each other the more fragile she became. It was as if she was fighting against some invisible demon that constantly mocked her.

She'd often have nightmares at night, leaving me completely baffled as to why and holding her trembling body close to mine until it calmed. Other times I'd awaken in the middle of the night to find her alone in the dark in her living room, playing a soulful ballad on her cello while staring blankly off into space. I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me, because it did. It scared the hell out of me because I hadn't a clue as to what was wrong. But it didn't for one minute change how I felt about her or the fact that I was inexplicably drawn towards her. I was falling deeply in love with Bella because her soul was as beautiful as it was fragile, and it spoke to me. _She_ spoke to me.

When Bella finally gathered the courage to share with me the event that had forever changed her life, I finally understood her better and my heart ached for her, wanting nothing more than to help her heal. But that proved to be more difficult than I thought. Bella truly feared losing loved ones, and it caused her great anxiety. More specifically, our relationship, the thought of being without me or of losing me, caused her great anxiety. And it broke my heart to hear her say those things to me, broke it even more to see her suffer. But she believed in us, was willing to fight for us, and for the first time since losing her mother and brother was willing to endure her crippling fear of loss solely to be with me. And I would stand by her in her struggles to overcome her tragic past, as I could only hope she would stand by me as I tried to navigate fame. And maybe together we could do it, because I was certain neither one of us could do it on our own.

I glanced down at my watch. It was close to six now. I knew that Bella would arrive at any moment and I was becoming increasingly anxious. I hadn't seen her since Tuesday morning when she'd slipped out of my suite with Alice, and I was desperate to kiss her, to touch her, to tell her I loved her. Being apart from Bella was like trying to survive a famine; she was now one of my most basic needs. Nevertheless, we'd decided Tuesday morning that in light of the situation with the press it might be more prudent if I didn't come around to the apartment. Neither one of us was particularly happy with this arrangement, especially considering I'd just returned home from my European press tour. But I was working nights this week, which meant our paths were unlikely to cross anyway, so it made sense that I'd sleep at my hotel until we left for L.A. So it was that I kissed her goodbye Tuesday morning, pressing a key to my suite into her hand in case she found herself bombarded by the paparazzi again, and hadn't seen her since. We'd talked, of course. We talked to and texted one another several times a day. But it wasn't the same as seeing her, being with her, touching her, and my heart swelled in anticipation of finally being able to do that. I knew it was ridiculous; only two days without Bella and I was reduced to a pining fool, but I didn't care.

I needed to be with Bella, in more ways than one. A small smile tugged at my lips when I thought back just five short days to the moment we first made love. Making love to Bella was hands down the most mind blowing experience of my life. To know her, love her, feel her and connect with her on that level caused a physical ache in my chest. What we shared - the love that we had and expressed for one another in our lovemaking, was, simply put, beautiful. And fuck was it hot, too. I felt my dick twitch a little in my pants and groaned softly as I visualized pushing into her for the first time, wishing more than anything she was there in that moment so that I could do the same. This insatiable need I had to be in her was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. Of course, I was a guy, and I definitely liked sex, but being with Bella was different. I _needed_ Bella every minute of every hour of every day, now. At least it felt like that. Thankfully, the drive to make love seemed to consume Bella as well. And I was pleasantly surprised to find that although Bella was relatively sexually inexperienced, she was uninhibited and assertive in our lovemaking.

I had to say, I loved the contrast between wild and sexy, and vulnerable and demure Bella in bed. Fuck - just the thought of her biting down on her bottom lip, looking up at me coyly from under her thick lashes as she jacked me off on the piano bench, made me have to shift myself around in my pants. I glanced at my watch again. It was ten minutes later than before and I was beginning to wonder where she was. I leaned back in my seat, my left hand moving towards my crotch of its own volition, applying gentle pressure to my dick to try and ease some of the mounting sexual tension. Thank God I was in a limo, I thought, separated from the driver of the car by a solid panel. I stroked myself gently through my jeans as I thought of Bella asking me to fuck her hard against the wall Tuesday morning and groaned softly. Christ, why was I doing this to myself? She was just so fucking sexy that it was impossible not to grow rock hard when thinking about her. She was confident, comfortable and in control when we made love, fulfilling her wants yet always meeting my needs, and I loved every fucking minute of it.

Just then, I saw Bella's Pontiac Aztec approaching my limo. It was being driven by Miguel who had graciously offered to drop Bella to the airport. I instantly sat up straight, immediately removing my hand from my crotch, sidetracked now by my rapid pulse and wildly beating heart. A ridiculous grin broke out across my face as her car drew near, and I sighed, shaking my head slightly. God I fucking loved this woman. She would forever be the only one for me. Not caring about the fact that the rain was now coming down harder, I shoved open the door to the car, leapt out, and in three decidedly eager strides found myself by the side of Bella's door. Her eyes opened wide in surprise when she saw me, standing there in the rain, smiling down at her. She quickly unlatched her seatbelt, pushing open her door and flinging herself into my arms.

"Edward," she giggled as I lifted her up off of the ground and brought her face to mine, kissing her deeply on the lips. I spun her around once in the rain before setting her back down on her feet and taking her face in my hands.

"I've missed you," I murmured as I stared down at her, fascinated by the way the plump drops of rain clung to her face and hair. I reached up with my left hand, dragging my thumb down her cheek and wiping the rain from her face.

"I've missed you too." Bella wound her arms around my waist and pulled me to her, resting her head on my chest and squeezing me tightly. I sighed heavily at the sensation. "But we're both going to get sick from standing out in this freezing cold rain," she warned. She shivered, as if to emphasize the point, before turning her head upwards and eyeing me curiously.

"Edward," she breathed. "You're, um…" Bella bit down softly on her lower lip while pressing herself against my half erect dick. A faint blush bloomed on her cheeks, which only served to arouse me even more. I leaned down, kissing her forehead softly before bending to whisper in her ear.

"I was thinking about making us members of the mile high club," I said, pausing for effect before conjuring up a husky voice. "That is, if you're interested." Bella gasped, as if a lady highly offended by my suggestion, before narrowing her eyes at me and dragging her tongue across her upper lip. And I was instantly fully erect, my dick begging to take her.

"Come on, baby," she said while smiling up at me. She knew full what she'd just done to me, and she would surely pay for it later. Taking my hand, we hurried to the back of the Aztec to grab her bags. Bella only carried one small duffel and her cello. I reached for both, casting a sideways glance in her direction.

"Why don't you go ahead and board the plane, love," I suggested, taking note of how wet we both were. "I'll be right there." Bella nodded before turning to make her way across the tarmac to the waiting plane. Moments later, I joined her just outside the cockpit, both our duffels in hand.

"Hello," I said, catching the attention of the pilot seated at the control panel. I always liked to introduce myself to the pilots of my planes. "Edward... Edward Cullen," I said while extending my hand in greeting.

"Joe Hathaway," the pilot replied, introducing himself.

"Good to meet you, Joe. I just wanted to let you know that it won't be necessary for either you or the co-pilot to enter the cabin during the flight," I said. I didn't want any unexpected interruptions.

Joe smiled wryly at me while nodding his head.

"No problem, Mr. Cullen."

"Edward, please," I interrupted, and he nodded again.

"No problem, Edward. We'll be making a quick stop in Denver to refuel before continuing on to California." I nodded in understanding, thanking him for his discretion before heading into the cabin. I immediately spotted Bella, sitting in one of the tan leather seats in the center of the aircraft, wringing her hands nervously in her lap.

"You okay, love?" I asked as I stepped towards her. I took my seat in the chair on the other side of the aisle, reaching around my waist to buckle my seatbelt. Bella had already buckled hers. I watched as she tried to put on a brave face before glancing in my direction. And I could see it, that slight sense of panic in her eyes, and I sighed. _Right_. I'd forgotten already. She didn't like small aircrafts.

"I thought…" she stammered, "I thought we'd be sitting closer together," she said, smiling nervously in my direction. "These seats seem so far apart." I reached across the narrow aisle and took her hand in mine, threading our fingers together and giving her hand a tight squeeze.

"Once we're safely in the air you can come and sit with me," I said. She nodded, turning away from me to look out the window. The rain was coming down in sheets now, and I knew it only served to heighten her anxiety. I wanted to pull her into my lap right then and there, but it was obligatory that all passengers be safely seated and buckled in during take-off and landing.

A few moments later, the pilot came across the intercom informing us that we were all clear for take-off. However, he warned us that the first half of the trip would be bumpy due to a wide band of thunderstorms criss-crossing the northern United States. I inwardly groaned, hoping like hell these pilots were adept at managing the aircraft. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to have to endure strong turbulence.

The airplane taxied down the runway and within a matter of minutes, we were ascending into the dark and stormy clouds. The aircraft shuddered as it pushed higher into the sky, and I felt Bella tightly grip my hand. She glanced back over at me, her eyes wide with fear, and I held them in an unwavering stare.

"Breathe, sweetheart," I calmly whispered. She nodded, and then the aircraft dropped unexpectedly and sheer panic crossed over her face. I had to admit, the sudden drop caught my attention too, but I knew I had to remain calm for Bella. She was prone to panic attacks, but could generally be easily talked down when directed to focus her breathing. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure that would help in our current situation.

Tearing my eyes from Bella's, I stole a furtive glance out the window. The weather didn't look good. Turning back to Bella, I met her frightened gaze once again. I hated seeing her like this and I worried her panic would escalate. She hated feeling out of control, and she was most definitely not in control right now. So, despite the fact we were probably both better off in our own seats, I instructed her to unclasp her seat belt and come to me. Because, fuck, who were we kidding? If this plane were to go down, we weren't going to survive anyway, seat belts or not. And if we were to die, I'd want to die holding Bella in my arms. I was certain she felt the same way.

Bella scrambled out of her seat and into my lap, resting her head against my chest. She drew her knees upwards, making herself into a tight little ball as she curled into me. My arms wound around her, holding her to me, rubbing gently up and down her back and trying my best to soothe her. The aircraft shuddered again, this time vibrating violently before plunging ten or fifteen feet. Bella cried out, and I steeled my hold on her. The pilot's voice filled the cabin.

"I'm sorry, Edward, but I wanted to let you know that it's going to be rough like this until we get up through the clouds. It will be better once we've reached cruising altitude."

"Did you hear that, baby?" I whispered into her ear. "It's going to get better soon."

Bella nodded against my chest.

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm not very brave now, am I?" she asked, looking up at me and trying to smile, but failing miserably.

"It… being in such a small space and being tossed around… it reminds me so much of when the car…" she didn't elaborate, choosing instead to tightly shut her eyes and fist her hand in my shirt.

"You're fine," I assured her, continuing to rub her back and hold her tightly to me. "_We're_ fine." I kissed her head, smoothing back the hair from her face.

It took some time, but gradually the aircraft leveled out and Bella slowly started to relax in my lap.

"All better?" I murmured, brushing my lips across the top of her head. Presently, she looked up at me, a sheepish grin on her face. "Yeah, sorry, I feel kind of silly."

"Don't." I kissed the top of her head again before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her lips. I would never tell her, but I had been mildly nervous, too. Who wouldn't be in that situation?

"And you _were_ brave," I whispered against her, negating her earlier statement. "You're always brave." Bella nodded, leaning forward and kissing me softly before slipping her tongue into my mouth and languidly moving it about, tasting me and teasing me.

"So…" she started, gazing up at me out of eyes now hooded with desire. "What was that you were saying about the mile high club?" She reached up and dragged her thumb roughly against my bottom lip. I flicked my tongue out, grazing the tip of her finger as it passed by.

"I've never…" she whispered shyly.

"Neither have I," I growled as I reached down and spun her so that she now straddled my lap. And fuck if I wasn't ready for her. She felt my hardness underneath her, moaning softly as her hips starting undulating gently against mine. She reached out, running her hand the length of my chest before staring deep into my eyes.

"Thank you for keeping me centered," she whispered. "I love you." And though I physically ached to make love to her right then and there, the raw honesty of her words caught me by surprise and I pulled her to me, resting my chin atop her head as I struggled to gain control of my emotions. She stilled her hips, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me tightly. I did the same, hugging her back, and we sat there like that for awhile, just holding one another. It had been too long and we both needed some time to just be.

Gradually, Bella started rocking her hips against mine again, and she leaned forward, placing a wet, open mouthed kiss to my neck before looking up at me and meeting my gaze. She pulled her arms away from me then, reaching down to pull her navy blue turtleneck up and over her head. She discarded it on the floor before reaching behind her back and unclasping her bra. This, too, she flung to the floor before placing both her hands on my shoulders. Her hips rocked rhythmically against mine.

"Make love to me Edward," she breathed, and my eyes fell closed for a moment. I opened them again, reaching out to cup her perfectly round breasts in my hands. I grazed my thumbs across both her nipples, drinking the sight of her in as I pushed my hips upwards. We both gasped as my hardness rubbed against her, and she slowly backed off my lap, reaching down to unbutton her jeans and slip them off her legs.

"God you're beautiful," I murmured. And she was. Her hair, still damp from the rain, clung to the sides of her face, hugging her shoulders as it fell to just below her breasts. She turned the most deliciously enticing smile on me.

"Take your jeans off, Edward."

She didn't have to ask twice. I undid my button and zipper, and my dick sprung free as I lifted my hips up and off of the seat. I slid my jeans down my legs and they fell to the floor. Bella moved toward me then, straddling my lap and reaching down to grab the corners of my t-shirt in either hand. In one quick movement she removed my shirt, and we both sat naked, staring at one another. I reached down into my lap, taking her hands in my own and threading our fingers together.

"I love you," I whispered as I leaned forward to take her right nipple in my mouth. I sucked softly as I disentangled my fingers from her right hand, moving it down her to center. She was ready for me already, and I groaned. I started sucking her breast harder, periodically nipping at her nipple as my fingers rubbed tiny circles on the little nub at the center of her apex. She moaned, rocking her hips against my hand as her head lolled backward. I could feel her relaxing down and melting into me, and I loved that I could do this to her and for her. Bella's moans grew more pronounced, and she reached over and pulled my mouth from her breast, capturing my lips with her own in a frantic and sloppy kiss.

"Come for me, Bella," I murmured against her lips, my dick twitching beneath her in anticipation of being with her.

"Edward… Edward," she mewled as her hips bucked hard against my hand. And I watched in awe as her body shuddered against mine, nearly coming myself as she spiraled into orgasm.

"That's it, baby. Let go. Fuck, you're so beautiful." I buried my face in her hair, breathing in her scent and holding her quivering body closely against mine until she finally stilled in my arms. She exhaled slowly, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

"Your turn," she rasped, before reaching between my legs and grabbing my dick in her hand. And in one quick movement she hoisted herself up above me and sunk down.

"Fuck, Bella," I gasped, trying my best to stifle my cry so that the pilots wouldn't hear. "Holy fuck, you're killing me."

And then, there she was. Sexy, confident Bella was taking the reins. Looking me straight in the eye, Bella reached out and tenderly brushed a lock of hair from my face.

"No, baby," she breathed, not missing a beat. "I'm fucking you."

"Oh God," I shuddered as I reached down to steady Bella's hips, thrusting my own hips forcefully up into hers. My dick was already throbbing, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I exploded inside of her. Bella moved her hands from my shoulders to her breasts then, kneading them and fondling her nipples between her thumbs and forefingers. Jesus Christ, she was hot, and driving me to the brink of fucking insanity. She leveled her eyes at me, staring deeply into my own.

"Promise me you'll always love me, Edward," she softly called, and her words were my complete and total undoing. I felt myself twitch as I released inside of her, and I threw my arms around her waist and buried my face in her neck.

"Always, baby, always."

Bella's arms moved to encircle me and she rested her cheek atop my head, both our chests heaving as we held each other until our breathing returned to normal. Presently, Bella pulled away from me, looking down at me and nibbling on her bottom lip. And fuck, there she was… my sweet girl, vulnerable and demure once again.

"That was fun," she smiled softly before reaching out to run her palm down my cheek. "You look tired, baby." I laughed and sighed simultaneously, shaking my head in wonder at how much I loved this woman.

"I am," I admitted. "Want to try and get some sleep?" Bella nodded at me, sliding off of my lap and reaching for her clothes.

"Wait... I'll get us something dry to wear," I said as I stood from the seat.

Bella and I changed clothes before she took a seat back on my lap and snuggled into my chest.

"Love you," she murmured as we both drifted off to sleep.

"Love you, too."

I awakened hours later to Bella's gentle nudges.

"Edward, Edward baby, wake up sweet boy, we're descending into the Santa Ynez Valley."

Bella's warm voice called to me in my sleep, and I opened my eyes, still thoroughly exhausted and slightly stiff from having slept with her curled tightly against my chest. I didn't care, though. It was worth it. Every minute of every hour I was able to share with her was worth it. I smiled contentedly at our shared term of endearment for one another. I loved to call her sweet girl, loved it even more when she called me sweet boy. It made me feel so vulnerable, yet oddly safe and secure. Funny how two words could elicit such distinctly different feelings, but they did.

"We're here? Already?" I asked. I blinked a few times, trying to focus my vision. I felt Bella's face draw near then and her lips brush softly against mine.

"Yes," she whispered.

"I thought we were stopping in Denver to refuel," I mumbled, feeling tired and disoriented. I reached up to rub the sleep from my eyes.

"Apparently, we did," Bella answered me. "We just slept through it."

So much for buckling ourselves safely into our seats for take-off and landing, I thought to myself.

Bella was moving around the cabin of the plane now, tidying up. Moving to her bag, she pulled out a brush, running it through her long mahogany locks to release the snarls.

"Here," she said, tossing me the brush and flashing me a wicked smile. "Brush your hair. It's all mussed from fucking me." She winked at me then, turning on her heel to sit in the seat beside me and buckle herself in. I chuckled softly, shaking my head at her, because honestly, it was all I could do. She fucking had me, _all of me_. I was helpless to resist her.

As the plane descended through the clouds into the Santa Ynez Valley, I was happy to see that the sun was shining brightly. I cast a glance in Bella's direction, smiling when I saw her head resting against the pane of the window, a contented smile gracing her delicate face.

"It's so beautiful," she murmured without looking in my direction.

"That it is," I whispered, only I wasn't looking at the scenery below us. I was looking at her, my sweet girl, my Bella. And she was so beautiful in that moment, obviously excited to be home, if only for the day.

Bella's father, Charlie, was to meet us at the airport, and though Bella teased me about it, I really was looking forward to meeting him. Charlie was Bella's last remaining biological kin, and I had a drive to know him. I was hoping it would help further connect me to her, and maybe even help me to understand her better.

"Look!" Bella flashed a smile in my direction as she waved excitedly at a tiny form standing to the side of the runway. I presumed it was her father, though he was so far away I wondered how she had even made him out. He obviously wouldn't be able to see her yet, but she waved just the same.

"You ready for this?" she asked, turning to me and wagging her eyebrows.

"Since the day I met you, love," I crooned.

Bella giggled at my words. They were perhaps overly sentimental, but I knew she loved them just the same.

Minutes later we were on the ground, and though it was silly, I felt a small twang of sadness as she practically leapt from the aircraft, sprinting across the runway to throw herself into her father's arms. Daddy's little girl, I mused, taking my time to exit the aircraft. I wanted to give them a moment together, but the instant my feet hit the ground, Bella was tugging on her father's hand, pulling him over to meet me.

"Dad, this is Edward," she said, slightly out of breath. "Edward, this is my father, Charles Swan."

I extended my hand, meeting Charlie's in a firm shake.

"It's nice to finally meet you, son." Charlie greeted me warmly and I instantly felt at ease.

"Likewise, sir," I replied, reaching down to grab Bella's hand in my own. Charlie's eyes briefly darted to our entwined hands and I watched as a small smile crept across his face.

"Let's get you two kids home. You must be exhausted," he said, wrapping his arm around Bella's shoulder as the three of us strolled across the tarmac to his grey Ford Expedition. Joe had already carried our luggage to the car, and I held out my hand, handing him a hundred dollar bill for his excellent service when I shook his in farewell.

The half hour drive up winding valley roads to Bella's home on the edge of the mountains was breathtaking and relaxing. I sat in the back seat of the car, lounging against the side of the door, while Bella sat in the front, talking animatedly with her father. It was peculiar, I thought. I had gotten the distinct impression that Bella wasn't very close with her father when we'd first met. But from what I could tell, they had a strong relationship, each of them thoroughly enjoying the other's company. Bella reached back to touch my knee with her hand every so often, being sure to try and include me in their conversation, but it wasn't necessary. We had very little time with her father, and I didn't want to be so selfish as to monopolize her. So I sat back, content to simply take in the scenery and listen to her talk.

Thirty minutes or so after leaving the airport, Bella's father turned off the main highway and onto a long and winding dirt road that was sheathed by towering green trees. I'd never been to a vineyard before, and was amazed when we emerged from the shelter of the trees into a wide expanse of land covered in meandering grape vines. This was no small operation. I looked to Bella, my eyes opening wide in astonishment.

"Bella, I never realized…"

She smiled at me.

"It's big, huh?"

Charlie laughed, and I just shook my head. We drove for another mile or so, through what appeared to be the center of the vineyard itself, before pulling up to a Tuscan style home tucked into the side of a hill. It was slightly elevated, looking out onto more vineyards below. Two cats trotted out from a six car garage followed by a large black Labrador retriever. I immediately thought of Bella's mother and how she loved animals.

"Max!" Bella called out the window of the car and the big black dog hurried over to her door, his tail spinning wildly around in circles. Charlie pulled the car all the way into the driveway, putting the car in park just as Bella sprung from her seat, flinging open the door and wrapping her arms around Max's neck. He licked her face enthusiastically, the scene reminiscent of my initial meeting with Johann who was spending the holiday at a posh doggy day care in the center of New York City. Alice was passing Thanksgiving with Jasper's family, unable to watch Johann this time around.

I exited the car while Bella was greeting Max, intending to grab our bags from the trunk. But before I could do so, an older looking gentlemen, perhaps in his late sixties, sauntered across the drive from what appeared to be a guest house tucked off to the side.

"Hello there," he called out. Bella looked up from where she was petting the two cats, smiling broadly.

"Eli!" Bella strolled over to the man called Eli, giving him a warm hug.

"Hey sweetie," he said, hugging her back while looking in my direction and nodding.

"I see you've finally decided to bring someone home," he teased Bella, and as she turned to face me, she blushed. Just as she'd done with her father, she pulled Eli over to my side.

"Edward, this is Eli. He's the property manager here. His wife, Maggie, manages the house… and my father, too."

Eli laughed heartily.

"I wholeheartedly agree with that," he said before extending his hand out and shaking mine.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," he said. "Don't bother with the bags. I'll take care of that for you."

"That's really not necessary," I protested, but he insisted, grabbing my duffel from my hand. I shrugged, thanking him before walking over to Bella and pulling her into my arms from behind. I ducked my head into her neck, placing a gentle kiss to the soft flesh there. I wanted to suck on her a little, but I had to restrain myself. Bella's father had stopped short of the front door, staring over at the two of us. He smiled, motioning for us to follow. Bella leaned back into my arms, pulling them tighter around her waist.

"Thank you," she said, turning her head to the side to look up at me. And I couldn't help it. I leaned in to kiss her and I wasn't shy. I took her mouth in mine, parting her lips with my tongue and tasting her. She moaned a little into my mouth before pulling away.

"That was discreet," she teased. I chuckled softly, grabbing her hand and heading up into the house with her.

The aroma of roasting turkey assaulted my senses immediately upon entering the house, and I realized for the first time that day that I was starving. Mei had ordered in Chinese to the set the evening before, but I hadn't eaten since, and it was close to two in the afternoon now. My stomach growled loudly and Bella giggled, leading me down a grand hall into what could only be described as a chef's dream kitchen.

"Maggie will take care of that for you," Bella said, reaching over to pat my stomach. Eli's wife, a short yet attractive older women with grey hair that hung loosely at her shoulders, turned to face us.

"Bella!" Maggie greeted Bella warmly, swiftly moving from behind the stove to engulf her in a huge hug. And it struck me in that moment, how many people there were that seemed to genuinely care for Bella, Maggie and Eli included. I did find it odd, though, that she never spoke of them, and I wondered whether or not she held them at bay they way she did most everyone else in her life. Bella introduced me to Maggie and asked her if she wouldn't mind fixing me something to eat while she went to practice her cello for a bit. I didn't want to put Maggie out, but she gave me one of those looks that told me I should graciously accept what was being offered, so I did, and I feasted on a honey baked ham sandwich, prepared for me on home made raisin bread. It was delicious.

Bella saying she was going to practice her cello for a bit turned out to mean the better part of four hours, but I didn't mind. I knew her upcoming solo performance was important, and she'd made it clear in New York that she'd need to take time to practice during our little getaway. Charlie sought me out in the family room a little while after Bella disappeared and asked me if I wanted to join him on a walk. I nodded my head. I was tired, but I also knew this might be my only opportunity to spend some time getting to know him away from Bella.

Charlie took me on a long walk through the vineyards close by the house, describing to me in great detail the varieties of grapes he grew and the types of wines he was able to produce with them. I found it all incredibly interesting, and I was looking forward to dinner when he said he would prepare a wine tasting for me. After walking for awhile, Charlie turned to me and smiled.

"So, I see you were able to track my daughter down," he said, and I laughed.

"I was," I replied. "And I'll remain forever in your debt for helping me do so." Charlie appraised me for a moment before slowly nodding his head and smiling.

"You're the first boy…" Charlie paused, shaking his head. "Sorry… you're the first _man_ Bella's ever brought home."

I considered this for a moment, though I wasn't surprised.

"I love your daughter, sir," I said, for no other reason than the fact that I wanted him to know. I wasn't one of those people that could easily hide what they felt, anyway, so I thought it best to just come right out and say it. Charlie smiled lightly, his features soft.

"I can see that."

"She's an amazing woman," I added, making sure to look Charlie in the eye. I wanted him to know that I was sincere in how I felt, and he seemed to appreciate this.

"She is," he agreed. "Much like her mother was," he added. "She's all I have left Edward, and I treasure her."

"I treasure her, too, sir."

Charlie shook his head at me.

"Please, there's no need to be so formal. Call me Charlie."

"I treasure her too, Charlie. And I know it's only been a short while that we've been together, but I can truthfully see spending the rest of my life with her." This little revelation seemed to surprise Charlie. I wasn't asking him for Bella's hand in marriage just yet, but I wanted him to know where I felt this thing was headed. I wanted him to know that she was as important to me as she was to him.

Charlie considered what I said for a moment before responding. "Well, son, I haven't spoken to Bella about this, but if I were a betting man, I'd say you have a pretty good chance of her saying yes… that is when you're ready to propose marriage to her." He smiled knowingly at me, having understood exactly what I was getting at before, and I smiled back widely in return, absolutely thrilled with how this conversation was going.

"Are you saying you'd give me Bella's hand in marriage?" I asked.

"Are you asking me for it now?" he replied, raising his eyebrows in question. And for a moment, I thought I would say yes. But I quickly shot that idea down. Now wasn't the time. Bella and I hadn't even discussed marriage, though in my heart, that is what I hoped for and envisioned we'd eventually be. But right now we were still trying to figure out how to balance my career as an actor with her own personal ambitions, not to mention trying to work through her issues with her past.

"Not yet," I answered. "I was just curious." I chuckled softly, and Charlie reached across the distance between us, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Son, if you continue to make my daughter as happy as you obviously make her now, then I would welcome your proposal." Charlie grew more serious then, contemplative even. "But you know that she has certain… difficulties…" Charlie struggled to find the words to describe Bella's issues. I quickly saved him from having to do so.

"I know, and we're trying to work through them, together." Charlie nodded, seeming to appreciate and be comforted by the fact that I knew.

"There may be a time when she turns from you, Edward. She's shut me out before, even Alice. It will take a strong man to stand by her and fight for her and love her in spite of everything." The conversation had suddenly turned serious, but I could see what Charlie was trying to do. He wanted to flesh me out, to make certain that I was in this for the long haul. He didn't want to see his baby girl get hurt.

"I'll never leave her, Charlie. I'm in this for the long haul." Charlie nodded slowly, taking his hand off my shoulder then.

"Thank you. Thank you, Edward. It's clear to me that you're a fine young man." And as quickly as the conversation had turned serious, it turned light again as Charlie made reference to the feast that surely awaited us when we returned.

Walking through the house into the kitchen, I found Bella and Maggie cooking happily side by side.

"Edward!" Bella called to me, a bright smile illuminating her face as she spotted me entering the kitchen.

"There you are!" Bella moved to me, winding her arms around my waist and kissing my chest. "You've been gone for hours!"

I chuckled softly, hugging her close to me and kissing her head.

"Charlie showed me around the property. It's so beautiful here."

"It is, isn't it? I tend to forget when I'm away."

Just then, Maggie announced that the turkey had finished roasting and that dinner would be served in the dining room in approximately thirty minutes. I was exhausted from my long walk with Charlie, and wanted to steal a few minutes away with Bella before dinner, so I tugged on her shirt, raising my brows at her in question. She immediately understood and excused us both from the kitchen, leading us through a screened door and out onto a pergola framed, cobble stone deck overlooking the vineyards. Taking a seat on a rattan swing that hung from the crossbars of the pergola, she pulled me down by her side. She snuggled into me, reaching up to place a soft kiss on my lips.

"Is this what you wanted, baby?"

"Mmm hmm..." I murmured against her lips. "And this," I added as I kissed her back, more deeply than she had kissed me. We sat on the swing exploring each other's mouths for awhile before Bella pulled away and rested her head on my chest. We swung together in silence, a soft evening breeze rustling the vines in the fields below.

"You seem so happy and relaxed," I mused, leaning in to kiss the top of her head.

"I am," she answered simply and my heart swelled. "Did you have a nice walk with my father?"

I rested my cheek on the top of her head, trying hard to suppress my grin.

"Indeed, I did." My silkily whispered words did not go unnoticed by Bella. She pulled her head from my chest and looked up at me, eying me warily.

"What did you talk about?" she asked, pressing me for more information, but there was no way I was giving away the details of our conversation.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I teased, quickly covering her mouth with my own before she could say anything else.

"Edward…" She protested my obvious move to silence her by attempting to pull away from me, but I quickly moved my hand to the back of her head, holding her face firmly against mine as my tongue delved deeper into her mouth.

Bella's father cleared his throat from the doorway leading into the kitchen then, and I abruptly pulled back from Bella. I really had to try harder not to ravish her in front of her father.

"Turkey's on the table, kids," Bella's father called out to us.

"Okay, Dad. Be right in," she called back before turning to me and wagging her finger in my face.

"You are so not off the hook, Cullen. You know that, don't you?" Bella was adorable when she was frustrated with me, and like most everything else about her, it turned me on. I suppressed a groan, knowing that now was not the time to spring an erection. Focusing singularly on Thanksgiving dinner, I jumped up and out of the swing, grabbing Bella's hand and twining my fingers in hers as we walked together into the house.

Dinner was magnificent. The five of us sat around a table adorned with more food than any one of us could ever hope to eat in even a week's time. We feasted on turkey and sweet potatoes, and on broccoli and stuffing, among many other things. I praised Maggie's cooking abilities on more than one occasion, but she simply waved my comments off, as if putting together a meal of this scale was something that anybody could do. Charlie made good on his promise, too, by preparing a lavish tasting of all the different wines produced with the grapes from his vineyard.

After dinner, everyone helped with the dishes. Maggie and Eli left soon after, and Charlie invited Bella and I out onto the terrace for an after dinner drink. Even though I was dragging hard, I accepted his invitation. Bella and I were leaving for L.A. early in the morning, and this would probably be our last opportunity to spend some quality time with him.

As we sat outside, the three of us made casual conversation. Bella's father shared some stories of Bella as a child, much to the chagrin of Bella whose face remained buried in her hands. After awhile, we reached a natural pause in the conversation, and we all sat back and enjoyed the cool night air and brilliantly lit, star dappled sky.

"So, Edward," Charlie said after a short silence, and I turned to look at him. He brought his snifter to his lips, swirling his port in the bottom of the glass before taking a small sip. "I've been meaning to ask you if you know a Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He lives in the L.A. area." Charlie gazed at me inquisitively, and Bella and I exchanged a quick, confused glance.

"Why do you ask, dad?" Bella inquired, as bewildered by her father's question as I was. Charlie noticeably tensed then, his jaw pulling tight underneath furrowed brows as he looked at me expectantly. When he didn't answer Bella's question, I cleared my throat.

"He's my father, sir… um… I'm sorry… Charlie," I said, stumbling over my words. "Only he doesn't live in L.A. anymore. He and my mother moved to Chicago after my brother and I graduated high school." Charlie inhaled sharply then, his eyes growing wide in disbelief as he shook his head slowly back and forth.

"Dad?" Bella stared at her father, her brows scrunched together in obvious puzzlement. "Do you know Dr. Cullen?"

I looked from Bella back towards her father, and it was me who was looking at him expectantly now. Did he know my father? How was that possible? All these questions and more ran through my mind as Charlie sat and stared at both Bella and me in what appeared, now, to be amazement.

"I do believe it was Edward's father who saved your life, honey." Charlie spoke softly from across the table, and I felt my body go rigid with shock.

"What?" Bella asked, completely incredulous.

Charlie nodded slowly in Bella's direction before turning to face me. "Your father's a tall man, with blonde hair and blue eyes, isn't he? And he was working as a trauma surgeon at Cedars-Sinai nine years ago, wasn't he?"

I nodded my head, trying hard to rein in my wildly beating heart. What was Charlie saying? Was it even possible that my own father had saved Bella's life?

"When Bella was…" Charlie paused, looking lovingly over at his only daughter before continuing. "When Bella was recovered from the scene of the accident, her wounds were life-threatening, and she was flown by helicopter to Cedars-Sinai." Charlie looked from Bella back towards me then. "Your father was the one to transfuse her and care for her injuries. He… he saved Bella's life, Edward. Your father saved Bella's life."

I felt Bella's hand grasping frantically for mine underneath the table and I grabbed it, squeezing it tightly in my own. Silent tears fell from Bella's eyes as she tried unsuccessfully to wipe them from her face with her free hand. Charlie sat back in his chair and sighed, looking at the two of us in amazement.

"Well, if this isn't a coincidence," he spoke quietly to the two of us, obviously as overwhelmed by the fact that my father saved Bella's life as the both of us were.

"There is no such thing as coincidences," I found myself murmuring, more to Bella than anyone else. I held her gaze, feeling for the first time the full force of my connection with her. It hit me hard in my heart.

"Like I said, we're fate," I continued to whisper, and her eyes fell closed, tears splashing down her cheeks as she struggled to process what we'd just been told.

Not too much later, the three of us climbed the stairs to the second floor of the house, my mind still spinning with the revelation that it had been my father that had saved Bella's life. I was dumbfounded, flabbergasted, amazed by the coincidence, though I knew deep down in my heart that it hadn't been a coincidence at all. I shook my head as once again, I was overcome by a sense of fate. This was it. I was certain that Bella and I were destined to be together before either one of us ever met. We had to be, and it was the most amazing feeling ever.

I was tired, very tired. The turkey and stuffing, and all of the other delicious side dishes that Maggie and Bella had so lovingly prepared, had filled me to the brim. And the tryptophan was starting to take affect. I was thankful for the late hour. I'd thoroughly enjoyed the evening, but I was ready for bed - ready to lie with Bella in my arms. It had been too many nights since we'd slept together, and I was hungry to hold her. I was hungry to feel her hands wind their way into my hair as she sighed and fell asleep. The three of us headed down a long hall with Bella's hand wrapped firmly in my own. We all paused outside a fawn colored door and Charlie reached out to pull Bella into an embrace.

"Goodnight, sweetie, sleep well," Charlie murmured as he hugged her to him. Bella dropped her hand from mine and wrapped her arms around Charlie's waist, returning his hug. I waited a moment before extending my hand out to Charlie.

"Goodnight, Charlie," I said as I shook his hand, placing my other hand in the small of Bella's back and directing her towards her room. Bella was flipping on the lights when Charlie cleared his throat.

"Ah, Edward…"

There was an awkward silence as Charlie glanced between Bella and myself, and I immediately panicked. Bella's eyes flashed to Charlie's in confusion.

"I'll just show you to your room down the hall," Charlie calmly said, and I froze, mortified by my mistake. Bella and I had never talked about our sleeping arrangements while staying with her father. I had just assumed… _Jesus Christ,_ talk about awkward.

I immediately backpedaled. "Oh right, right, of course." Bella looked up at me and smiled sympathetically.

"Goodnight, honey," she whispered softly, stepping up on her tip toes to place a very chaste kiss to my lips. My eyes bore into hers. Had she known? The thought crossed my mind, but I quickly dismissed it. She would never purposefully put me in a situation that made me look like a complete ass. Charlie offered me a knowing grin as I walked back out into the hall, but though it was kind, it was firm. He liked me, of that I was certain. But it was clear that no man would sleep with his daughter under his roof unless he was her husband. I respected this, the fact that this was his home, the fact that this was his daughter. He so obviously cherished Bella, and he wanted to protect her as he rightfully should. I cast a rueful glance over my shoulder as Bella waved goodnight, sad that I would have to spend yet another night without her. Tomorrow, I told myself, tomorrow.

Charlie led me a little ways down the hall to a room on the opposite side of the house. He opened the door and turned the light on for me, motioning to where Eli had left my bag.

"Bathroom's through there," he said, pointing at another door inside the room. I turned to thank Charlie and he extended his right hand, taking mine in his and grasping it tightly as he simultaneously clapped his left hand over my shoulder.

"Goodnight, son," he said warmly before turning and heading down the hall to his own room.

I stood by the doorway for a moment, leaning my head against the doorframe and staring longingly down the hall at Bella's room. I sighed, turning back toward the room and thinking to myself that it would be a good idea to take a quick shower. Bella and I would be leaving early in the morning, and it would be better if I showered now to avoid a rush in the morning. Grabbing an old t-shirt, some boxer briefs and a pair of worn sweats, I carried them into the bathroom where I placed them on the countertop by the sink. I wondered absently what Bella was wearing, if she'd packed her own pajamas to wear, or mine. I smiled to myself, already knowing the answer to that question. She'd packed mine. I was sure of it.

I stepped into the shower and turned the water on, letting it run so that it was almost too hot. I turned so that my back was to the shower head, letting the water pelt my neck and back in an effort to help ease the stiffness I still felt from having slept in an uncomfortable position on the plane. I didn't hear the creak of the door as it opened, nor was I aware of Bella's presence until she stepped, fully naked, into the shower.

"Hey you," she murmured while smiling seductively up at me, and though I was thrilled beyond belief that she was standing there in front of me, I instantly panicked.

"Jesus, Bella, your father is right down the hall," I sputtered before gasping as she reached down and took my dick in her hands. It immediately grew hard, and I groaned.

"Sorry about the little mix up, baby," she breathed as she started to gently stroke me in the palm of her hand. "I think maybe I owe you an apology," she rasped, a wicked glint in her eye. She knelt down on the shower floor then, looking up at me from under her lashes. Tiny droplets of water dripped from her hair and her face and... oh holy fuck, she was not going to do what I thought she was going to do. I groaned again, my eyes closing as my dick twitched in Bella's hand. When I opened them, I looked down at Bella, and she was eyeing me hungrily, languidly licking her lips before brushing her tongue across my head.

"Mmm," she murmured, never taking her eyes from mine.

My head lolled back as I wove my fingers through her hair.

"Fuck, Bella… we can't… I can't… not with your father…" I stumbled over my words, completely incapable of forming a coherent thought, let alone uttering a coherent sentence.

"You can't?" Bella stared up at me out of wide brown eyes full of mock astonishment. "What, are you scared?" she teased, then moved to lick the length of my shaft before taking me fully into her mouth.

I shuddered.

"I fucking love you," I growled, fisting her hair in my hands and giving myself over to the exquisite sensation of her mouth on my dick. It was sublime. Bella took her time working the length of me, licking me, sucking me and gently raking her teeth against me. She paused several times, removing her mouth from my dick and gazing up at me with what could only be described as unadulterated adoration before I guided her back down on me. She knew exactly what it was she was doing to me, bringing me to the brink of explosion before pulling away, only to take me in her mouth again moments later. And it was driving me fucking wild. I thrust my hips forward, trying to be gentle, but completely overcome by the feeling of my dick in her throat. Bella must have sensed it as I grew closer to my release, as she increased the speed and intensity with which she sucked me, and soon I found that I couldn't hold off any longer. I tugged gently on her hair, urging her to move her mouth from me, but she wouldn't, sucking me harder instead.

"Oh, Christ baby, I'm gonna… I'm gonna come in your…"

I felt it as I exploded into Bella's mouth, and she willingly drank me down. I watch her throat constrict around me as she swallowed everything I had to give her. Before I had a chance to fully recover, I pulled myself from her mouth and yanked her to her feet. Whirling her around, I bent her over so that her hands lay splayed against the shower wall, her tight ass pushing out in front of me, exactly level with my dick. But that's not what I wanted. It was my turn to fall to my knees, and I did, burying my face between her legs and furiously licking and sucking her.

"Edward!" She cried my name a little too loudly, and I paused.

"Sshh, love, we don't want to wake your father now, do we?" It was my turn to tease, and she whimpered softly, pushing her ass back towards my hungry mouth.

"Mmmm, you like this, do you?" Fuck she was so hot when she was turned on. My dick was already hard again, and I reached down between my legs and started stroking it, slowly at first, then more vigorously as Bella's soft sounds spun in the air between us. She turned her head to look at me over her shoulder, and when she saw what I was doing, her eyes rolled back in her head. She stared at me, ecstasy etched into the lines of her face. She was panting now, close to her release, and while I continued to lap at her center, with my free hand I reached up and slid three fingers inside of her, pumping her with one hand while I pumped my dick with the other. This threw her over the edge, her head falling to the side as she whimpered my name and exploded into orgasm. I followed soon after, coming quickly on her ass.

"Fuck," I panted a moment later, completely wrecked. Bella turned, falling to her knees in front of me and taking my face in her hands. She drew her thumbs across my cheeks and lovingly kissed either side of my mouth before resting her forehead against mine.

"There now," she teased. "That wasn't so scary, was it?" I rolled with laughter, pulling her to me and kissing her deeply before standing up and pulling her to her feet.

"You amaze me," I said, gazing at her while washing her body.

"I love you," she whispered back softly, holding my gaze with her own.

"Love you too, sweet girl."

Bella and I finished showering and changed into our pajamas in my room. She took my hand then and led me towards the hall.

"Bella, wait," I said. It was one thing to have had clandestine sex in the shower while under her father's roof… it was another thing entirely to disobey him and sleep with her in her own bed against his expressed wishes. "Love, as much as I want to, I don't think it's a good idea. I want Charlie to like me, you know… I don't want him to hunt me down with a shot gun and kill me," I laughed.

"I know," Bella said to me over her shoulder as she continued to pull me out into the hall. I tried to resist, but she wouldn't have it.

"Bella, please," I begged, but she just breezed past her room, leading me by the hand down the stairs towards the big comfortable couch in the family room. She let go of my hand then, turning on the T.V. and inserting a random DVD in the DVD player. Turning to me, she gently pushed me down on the sofa. Wordlessly, she laid me out on my side before nestling her body back against my own and drawing my arm around her.

"I won't sleep another night without you, Edward," she whispered, bringing my hand to her mouth and kissing my wrist softly.

"We fell asleep together on the couch while watching a movie. That's our story," she murmured to me through a yawn. "All right, baby?" she asked. Tangling my legs with hers, I nodded my head against her back, because I was helpless to respond in any other way. I wouldn't sleep another night without her either.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you for reading.

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Edited 06/11


	18. In the Limelight Part 1

**Author's Notes: **

Thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing this story. Most of you seemed to enjoy EPOV in the last chapter and I'm glad, because I liked writing it! I will be writing more EPOV, though this chapter is solely BPOV. I'll write each point of view as I see fit for the story, with BPOV still most likely to remain the dominant point of view.

This chapter will be broken into two parts. There is too much territory to cover in one chapter.

I must once again declare my unending gratitude for my awesome beta **skyeblue0610**. This journey is so much more fun for me now. Thank you for all your hard work!

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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**Chapter 18: In the Limelight: Part 1**

I was roused from my sleep early Friday morning by the sound of Max barking at something outside. I wasn't worried – Max had a tendency to bark at anything that moved – but I was mildly annoyed because now I was awake, and not just somewhat awake but fully, eyes wide open, awake. I yawned heavily, reaching up with my fists to rub the sleep from my eyes only to find that I couldn't. I was lying on the couch, tangled up in Edward's arms, my own arms pinned uncomfortably underneath me. Edward's legs still wound tightly around my own making it difficult for me to determine where exactly Edward ended and I began. It was as if we were one, and on any other occasion I would have smiled blissfully at this thought before closing my eyes and drifting back to sleep. But that wasn't possible today. Despite the hour, I knew it would be impossible for me to fall back to sleep. So I didn't even try.

I laid in Edward's arms for awhile, my mind spinning with thoughts of the prior day as well as of the day to come. I tried to focus on the steady rise and fall of Edward's chest against my back in hopes that it would help to calm me, but it did little else but make me wonder how on earth he could sleep with his face buried so deeply in my hair. How did he do that? How could he breathe? I know – it's silly, but it was easier to think about that than other…heavier subjects, such as the fact that Carlisle had saved my life way back when or that in approximately fourteen hours Edward and I would be standing on the red carpet outside of Mann's Village Theater in Westwood, Hollywood at the premiere of _By the Light of the Moon_. I shuddered, pushing myself back against Edward in a vain attempt to get closer to him. I wanted so badly to lose myself in him, to just shut my eyes, tune out my every thought and focus solely on him. But I couldn't. It just wasn't possible.

I begrudgingly sat up, disentangling myself from Edward's embrace, taking care not to wake him. He sighed softly as I slipped from his arms though thankfully, he remained asleep. Edward had had such a long day yesterday and we had another long day ahead of us. I knew it was important that he get some sleep and so I planned on waiting until the last possible moment to wake him. I pulled the blanket over him, making sure he was tucked snugly underneath before ghosting my fingers across his forehead, brushing his hair from his eyes. He was so beautiful in his sleep…so peaceful and relaxed, and I thought to myself that if I could only ever watch him sleep, it would be enough. I sighed, shaking my head. The intensity of my love never ceased to amaze me. Even now, I still wondered how it was possible that I'd been so lucky to have found Edward. But after what my father had told us last night, I'd no doubt in my mind that Edward and I were meant to be together - always.

To say I was shocked that Edward's father had saved my life would be a gross understatement. The fact that I was alive today, if not by the grace of God then by Carlisle's hands, quite simply astounded me. I'm fairly certain my heart stopped beating in the instant in which I realized Carlisle had saved me and I was still struggling to come to terms with what it meant. For the first time in my life I was completely humbled, awestruck if you will, wholly wound up in all the little mysteries of the universe. Because it was a mystery to me, how two people could be meant for one another in the way it seemed Edward and I were. I'd reached for Edward's hand last night right after my father told us that Carlisle had saved my life. I'd gripped it firmly, knowing that he felt the same way as me. These twists and turns of fate were just as overwhelming for him.

I trudged upstairs, deciding to go ahead and shower even though it was only five in the morning. I smiled to myself as I thought of my time in the shower with Edward the evening before. I'd felt so bad when my father ushered Edward away from my room and down the hall to his own. I hadn't really considered our sleeping arrangements beforehand, but should have known that my father would react that way. I was his only daughter after all, and while I could see that he was impressed with Edward, it wasn't enough for him to allow Edward to sleep in the same room with me. I really couldn't fault him that. It must be so hard for him to think he might lose his daughter to yet another man, though it was bound to happen one day. Despite understanding my father's position, it was obvious that Edward was highly embarrassed by the entire situation and so I'd gone to him. I knew it was safe. Once my father went to bed, he hardly ever emerged from his room until the morning. Still, it had been a bit of a thrill doing what we did in the shower knowing that my father was just down the hall.

I think I surprised Edward when I showed up in the shower. Actually, I think I continually surprised Edward with my sexual freedom. I must, because God only knows I surprised myself. Could it really only have been a handful of days since Edward and I made love together for the first time? Because it seemed as if we'd been this way together forever. Making love with Edward was so natural to me. There was no uncertainty, no hesitation on my part. It was just beautiful and passionate and free. I tried to think of that as I showered, tried to focus on how loving Edward felt and on what being with Edward meant instead of on the encroaching sense of dread that threatened to usurp my blissful thoughts.

Dread…intense fear and trepidation over this evening's premiere churned like an angry ocean inside my head. I tried to fight it back, tried not to give myself over to the anxiety it caused, but it was an extremely difficult task. I was nervous about today for several reasons, not the least of which was the fact that _this was it_. Tonight the entire world would know that Edward and I were together. There would be no questioning it. When they saw the way I looked at him, and he at me, they would know it was real. Jessica's story had planted the seed in people's minds and tonight their suspicions would be confirmed. And our lives would never be the same again. I shuddered at the notion as well as at other no less stressful thoughts that consumed my mind such as meeting Melinda and Daniella for the first time and having to face all of the photographers on the red carpet. At least I'd have the memory of the sunrise to help settle me on the red carpet. I desperately hoped it would be enough. I was, however, clueless of what lifeline I could hold onto to ground me when meeting Melinda and Daniella. Jesus, why had I agreed to attend this premiere, anyway? The stress and anxiety were just too much. _Because Edward needs you there_, I firmly reminded myself, _and because it's part of moving forward_.

"Hey sweetheart, you're up early." My father's soft voice filled the kitchen as I went about making coffee. I looked up at him, quirking one eyebrow.

"I could say the same. Care for coffee?"

"No thanks."

My father took a seat on a stool at the center island, watching me as I poured myself a cup and took a seat beside him.

"Edward's asleep on the couch," my father stated in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice.

I smiled sheepishly at his observation. "We fell asleep watching a movie last night."

"Mmmhmm…" he answered me back, smiling lightly. His eyes met mine then and his smile fell, though he didn't appear sad but rather contemplative.

"That's something else about Edward's father, isn't it?" My father asked, and I nodded my head. "I never imagined…I never knew he had children of his own, though in retrospect he was so kind and sympathetic towards me I should have known he was a father, too."

"Didn't you suspect?" I asked my father curiously. "When Edward called you in September and told you his name, didn't you suspect then that there might be a connection?" My father shook his head.

"No, not really. I didn't give it much thought until later on when I realized both he and Edward shared the same last name. Even then, my only thoughts were that he might be a distant relative, though even that seemed a long shot to me. But I still had to ask. Only to find that…" my father's voice trailed off and I watched as a silent tear slipped from his eye. I reached out to place my hand atop his, giving it a gentle squeeze. My father laughed, reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, never one to show his emotions and obviously embarrassed at having done so.

"I like Edward," my father said, swiftly changing the subject. "He really seems to care for you," he added more quietly, and I nodded my head. "He does, dad. Somehow he loves me," I mused. My father's eyes grew serious again.

"Don't do that Bella, don't discount your worth." I felt the tears stinging the back of my eyes and knew that I didn't want to be having this conversation.

"Old habits," I mumbled, looking away. My father and I both sat silent for a moment before I felt his hand on my arm, rubbing soothingly up and down.

"So…, big night tonight, huh?" I nodded, turning to face him again. Our eyes met in silent understanding. We both knew what this evening meant.

"Can I watch you on T.V.?" My father's eyes sparkled when he spoke, alleviating some of the tension in the air.

"Ugh, dad," I sighed, unable to keep myself from laughing. "If you're really that interested, I guess you could catch it on E television, or MTV. I think they're both covering it live."

"Of course I'm interested," he interjected before sighing. "My daughter dating a Hollywood superstar, I never would have guessed…"

"You and me both," I laughed, cutting him off.

"Though you'd never know, would you?" My father shook his head as he spoke. "He's so humble and very down to earth - not at all what I would imagine a young, up and coming movie star to be."

"I know," I whispered quietly. "It's just one of the many reasons that I love him, dad." My father reached out to gently muss my hair.

"I'm happy for you, Bella. I just hope you're able to work through…"

"We will, dad," I interrupted, not really wanting to talk about the past and knowing that's where my father was headed. I knew it was just as difficult a subject for him as it was for me, and really, I already had so much to worry about today.

"Right," my father nodded in understanding just as Edward wandered into the kitchen. I jumped up, relieved to see him. My father watched with a smile on his face as I bounded over to Edward, engulfing him in an exuberant hug. Edward gasped, his arms winding tentatively around me, uncertain I'm sure as to why I was greeting him with such enthusiasm.

"Good morning to you too," he mumbled, his voice still thick with sleep, as he ducked his head into my hair. "Your father's watching us," he whispered into my ear a moment later, and I pulled away smiling.

"Morning, Charlie," Edward nodded his head in my father's direction without taking his arms from my waist. My father shook his head at my antics before smiling warmly at Edward.

"Morning, son."

It didn't escape my notice that my father had referred to Edward as "son" all day yesterday, and I was thrilled to see this morning, too. I could see that Charlie really liked Edward, and it was such a relief to me. Not that I ever doubted that he would, but bringing home a boy to meet your father for the first time is nerve-wracking no matter how wonderful that boy may be. I was glad that Edward and my father had had some time alone yesterday. They'd seemed to have enjoyed their walk together, and I must admit I was more than a little curious about what they'd talked about. Edward had been less than forthcoming about their conversation, which made me wonder…

"What time are you kids heading out?" My father's question broke me from my reverie and I had to laugh when my father once again referred to us as kids. No matter how old I was, I feared he would always see me as a child.

"Soon, huh?" Edward looked at me expectantly as he gave me a gentle squeeze. "I'd like to try and be in L.A. by ten. I've got a busy day. Melinda's got me booked solid with interviews. It's completely unfair. Daniella gets to spend the day at the spa beautifying herself for tonight while I have to suffer through the monotony of being asked the same questions over and over again." I bristled a little at the mention of Daniella's name but Edward didn't seem to notice.

"Well I'll just go check to see that Eli's up and ready to go then," my father said before smiling at us both on his way out of the kitchen. As soon as my father was gone, Edward swept me back up into his arms, bringing my body close to his and pressing his lips to mine. I kissed him back lightly at first, then more urgently as I felt my body responding to his.

"What's wrong?" Edward murmured between our kisses. "You seem…anxious." He placed three small kisses to my lips before pulling away. My eyes met his and I sighed.

"I am," I admitted. No sense trying to hide how I felt. It wouldn't work nor would it help, anyway. "It's a big night tonight," I mused, tracing my fingers down his chest. He nodded knowingly, pulling me tightly against him and resting his chin atop my head.

"If it helps any, I'm anxious, too." I chuckled softly at his words, the action of which caused our bodies to shake slightly.

"You're supposed to be my rock," I reminded him, patting him gently on the chest.

"I thought you were mine," he murmured, his face drifting lower toward my ear. I felt his fingers sweep aside my still damp hair and his wet lips press a small kiss to the tiny hollow behind my ear. I shuddered at the sensation and felt Edward smile against my skin.

"You're completely misguided," I mumbled and Edward laughed aloud, reaching out to cradle my face in both his hands.

"You _are_ my rock, Bella. Though you may not realize it, you are. There is nobody I'd rather have standing by my side tonight than you." His thumbs rubbed gentle circles on my cheeks and though I knew he was being honest, it was sometimes hard for me to believe. I often wondered just what it was about me that made him love me so. I felt like I had so little to give to him when compared to what he gave to me. I rested my head back against Edward's chest and sighed. I did love him dearly, and I guessed that was enough for him.

"I have a surprise for you," Edward mentioned casually a few moments later as he kissed the top of my head and released me from his arms. He made his way over to the coffee pot where he poured himself a cup.

"What's that?" I asked, curious to know.

"Well, it was really Daniella's idea," he said, and I immediately stiffened. He had my undivided attention now.

"Oh really?" I struggled to get the words out. "What's that?"

"I've arranged for you to spend the day at the Beverly Hills Hotel Spa with her. She's so excited to finally meet you."

I stood in place, frozen in complete shock, unable to utter a single syllable. Edward stood with his back toward me, so he didn't notice my orbital shift in mood. Was he for real? Christ, this was the last thing I needed right now! I stood very still, doing my best to try and just breathe before I lost all control and succumbed to a panic attack. Edward turned to me then, studying me curiously from across the kitchen.

"Bella?" His voice was soft and concerned and I immediately felt bad. I knew I wasn't acting very appreciatively. "What is it? I thought you'd be excited. I mean, I know that going to the spa isn't really your thing, but I thought maybe it would be fun for you, help you to relax some before this evening. I won't be around much today…"

"Of course it will be fun, baby," I interrupted him, lying as convincingly as I could. "I'm sorry…I …I'm just slightly overwhelmed by everything right now," I said, stumbling over my words. "Honestly, I was hoping to just stay back at the hotel and practice my cello today. That would help me to relax more than anything else."

Edward's eyes narrowed as he continued to study me, and I was all but certain I'd given myself away.

"Daniella will be disappointed," he whispered. "She's waited all this time to meet you."And then the sheer lunacy of the situation hit. For the love of God, could Edward really be so blind? Did he truly believe that Daniella was that interested in getting to know me?

Edward and I hadn't discussed Daniella since the night she'd answered Edward's phone and told me he was talking with another woman. Edward had apologized for her behavior seeming convinced that it was all just a misunderstanding and her name hadn't come up since. There was really no reason that it would come up. Daniella never called when I was with Edward, at least not that I knew of, and if she spoke to him while he was at work he never told me. And why should he? He and Daniella were friends…very good friends at that, before we ever even met. I had no right to ask him not to be friends with her just because she made me feel uncomfortable. I wondered though, did I have that right if I felt she was being dishonest about how she felt about him?

Recently I'd started questioning if this was really the case, though. Did Daniella really have feelings for Edward? I wasn't so sure now. Time has a way of clouding one's memories and I found myself second- guessing everything, wondering if maybe I'd imagined the bitter tone in her voice on the phone that night. I _had_ been desperate to talk with Edward and was slightly out of my mind with missing him so it _was_ possible I'd exaggerated her reaction to me. But then again, she'd told me that Edward was talking to another woman, and was quite purposeful in how she did it. Ugh! I was so frustrated and confused by everything that I started to clench my hands into little fists at my side, an act that did not go unnoticed by Edward.

"Hey, hey…" Edward said as he strode to my side, taking my hands into his.

"If you don't want to go you don't have to. This wasn't meant to upset you. I thought it would be fun for you." His lips met mine in a soft kiss, his eyes probing mine, searching for some explanation as to my reaction. I immediately felt guilty.

"It's fine, Edward," I said, reaching up to run the palm of my hand down his cheek. "I appreciate the thought. Really. I'm sorry if I don't seem appreciative." I hesitated a moment before continuing. "I didn't realize Daniella was so enthusiastic about meeting me."

"She is," he murmured against my lips as he bent down to kiss me again. "And I'm excited for you to meet her. I want the two of you to be friends," he said, and I swallowed hard.

"Okay," I answered him weakly, my voice betraying me. "I'll go." Because really, what choice did I have? Edward was obviously completely oblivious to the possibility that Daniella could have real feelings for him and I didn't want to look like the bitchy, insecure girlfriend by refusing to go.

"Good," Edward smiled against my mouth, reaching around behind me and swatting my ass. I jumped at his touch and he chuckled, pulling me close for another kiss. It was for the better that my father and Eli walked through the back door just then as I could feel Edward becoming aroused as he kissed me and both he and I knew there would be no opportunity to do that before leaving this morning, so why torture ourselves? I stepped back from Edward, blushing furiously as both my father and Eli smirked at us.

"I'm just going to finish packing my bag," I muttered, excusing myself before making a hasty exit from the kitchen, the hearty chuckles of all three men following me as I made my way upstairs.

Time passed quickly and before I knew it I was hugging my father goodbye. Edward and Eli waited for me in the car, giving me and my father a moment together. Somehow things were different this time. Saying goodbye to my father seemed so much more difficult than it had in the past. Maybe it had to do with the very real possibility that the truth of our lives could soon be revealed. Strangely, I think we both found comfort in this. I don't think either one of us wanted to hide anymore. I also somehow felt more connected to my father now, through Edward - odd as it may seem. We had felt almost like a family yesterday at Thanksgiving, something I hadn't felt a part of in a long while, and I knew Edward was the reason why. And in that moment I let myself hope, for the first time in a very long time, that maybe the sense of family I'd lost so long ago might still be able lying dormant somewhere deep inside, just waiting to be reawakened.

The trip to L.A. was uneventful. We were on the road by quarter to seven and by seven o'clock Edward was fast asleep in the back seat of the car. I sat up front with Eli and we spent the time together chatting casually about the vineyard and my father. Eli mentioned to me how happy my father always was to have me at home and wondered why I didn't come home more often. I didn't really have an answer to that, at least not one that Eli could understand, and so I'd just shrugged, turning my head to look out the window. I did feel badly. I didn't mean to shut Eli out. Eli and Maggie had both been good friends to our family over the years. They were there for my father when my mother and brother passed away and the older I got the more I realized just how essential they were not only to the survival of Swan Vineyards, but to the emotional well being of my father, too. I realized with a bit of shame that I'd taken the both of them for granted, never truly appreciating their place in our home. I made it a point to thank Eli for all he'd done for our family, though he waved me off.

"Don't be silly, sweetheart. Maggie and I love the both of you like you were our own family," he said to me, and I nodded, having to look away for fear the tears would start to fall.

It was just before ten when Eli pulled up a steep hill and around the back of the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood. Edward had just finished speaking on the phone with Melinda when I noticed a woman's head pop out of the side of a door that appeared to lead into a kitchen. Edward lifted his hand, smiling lightly and waving and I knew immediately that this was Melinda - the woman I'd dreaded meeting ever since Edward had informed me that she was his Godmother. Melinda slipped through the door and headed towards our car, a large grin brightening her already beautiful face. She appeared genuinely happy to see Edward, pulling him into a hug just as soon as he stepped from the car. I could tell by the way that she embraced him, hugging him close to her and guiding his head towards her shoulder that she cared deeply for him.

Melinda was just as I had pictured her. She was tall and svelte, elegant and classically beautiful in a Meryl Steep sort of way. Edward hadn't mentioned her age, but she looked to be in her late fifties. Her honey colored hair held a hint of grey and hung in a finished bob just below her chin. She wore little make-up and adorned her body with simple, unpretentious jewelry. She glanced in my direction as she embraced Edward, granting me a curious half-smile. I managed a small smile in return, despite my nerves. Melinda and I had not spoken to one another since _the_ phone call several weeks ago. Edward had of course spoken with her and had assured me that Melinda was repentant, but I wasn't so sure. I felt Melinda should have called and given me a direct apology, but she never did. And so I was left wondering and worrying about how she truly felt. Edward had mentioned in passing a few days ago that Melinda wanted to take me out to lunch while I was here in L.A. and while I had already decided I would go – for Edward's sake – part of me felt her overture was too little too late.

I waited for Melinda to release Edward from their embrace before I made to open my door. Edward jogged to my side then, taking my hand in his and helping me from the car. He drew me against his side, wrapping his arm securely around my waist and giving me a gentle squeeze before leading me over towards where Melinda stood. Edward wasn't nervous, at least not as far as I could tell, though I was certain I was nervous enough for the both of us.

"She doesn't bite," Edward teased, leaning down and whispering in my ear. I gripped his waist tightly anyway, steeling myself for the official introduction. Melinda watched me with an appraising eye as Edward and I approached which only served to make me feel more anxious. I did feel marginally better when Melinda smiled brightly at me. I extended my hand forward to shake hers, fidgeting nervously when she didn't offer me hers in return. Instead, Melinda pulled me into a slight hug at her side, and I couldn't have been more astonished by her actions. This was unexpected, and I felt my body go rigid against hers. I doubted she noticed though as she released me just as quickly as she'd pulled me close.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Bella," she said, and she seemed sincere enough. "Rest assured that Edward has told me _all_ about you." Melinda made it a point to look me directly in the eye as she spoke. I hesitated for only a moment before finally garnering the courage to speak.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Melinda," I said, with nowhere near the confidence Melinda exuded, but really, what did she expect?

Melinda didn't waste time with any further pleasantries once introductions were made. She seemed anxious to get Edward inside the hotel, so Edward and I bid farewell to Eli, grabbing my cello and our bags before heading into the hotel through the kitchen. Melinda expertly led us through a series of small rooms until we arrived at an out of the way elevator. Though I didn't have much of a chance to look around, a perfunctory glance of my surroundings told me this was no ordinary hotel. Edward had mentioned to me that the Chateau, originally built as an apartment building in the 1920s and converted into a hotel in the 1931, was modeled after a royal residence in France. We ascended to the tenth floor in what seemed like an absurdly long elevator ride before exiting and turning left, stopping in front of a large door marked Suite 10A. Melinda inserted the key, which was an actual key and not one of the more commonly used electronic keys, in the door and we stepped into a room that was much more simply appointed than I would have imagined - and straight out of the 1950s. Soft jazz played from somewhere in the room and the scent of lavender infused candles filled the air, creating a warm and welcoming environment. Still, despite its charm, the room was old and in obvious need of some tender loving care.

"This is…" I struggled to find the words to describe my surroundings.

"It's not the Ritz Carlton, love," Edward murmured into my ear as his arms wound around my waist. "But I love it all the same," he whispered quietly. "It's a bit removed from Hollywood. It affords one more privacy," he reasoned before adding suggestively, "and the walls are thick, which means we can make all the noise we want." Edward bent to place an open mouthed kiss to my neck, letting his tongue trail up my skin to my jaw where he placed a single, incredibly sensual kiss. "And I intend to make you scream tonight, love. So be prepared." I felt a rush of warmth to my center and my face flushed a brilliant shade of red. Melinda cleared her throat from somewhere behind us.

"Edward, I wish there was more time to show Bella around but we really must be going. I've scheduled two magazine interviews and one radio interview before tonight's premiere. The first of them is waiting for you in the restaurant downstairs as we speak." Melinda was very businesslike and to the point now, and it was clear she'd transformed from Edward's Godmother into his agent. I looked at Edward expectantly, uncertain as to what it was I was supposed to do now.

"I'll arrange for transportation to take you to the Beverly Hills Hotel, love. Daniella will meet you there at the spa." I nodded my head in understanding. Edward bent to give me a quick kiss, and it did not go unnoticed, at least on my part, that Melinda was eyeing us like a hawk.

"I have my phone with me so call me if you need anything." I nodded again, but was suddenly seized with panic.

"Edward!" I reached out and grabbed Edward's arm, looking up at him in question. "What am I going to wear tonight?" We'd discussed finding something here in L.A., but it looked like Edward was going to be tied up in interviews all afternoon and I knew I couldn't be trusted to find a dress by myself. Besides, if I was going to be spending the day at the spa there would be no time to shop for a dress, anyway. Edward smirked at me, bending to brush his lips against mine once again.

"Don't worry about that. I've already taken care of it." I stared up at him, quirking one eyebrow in uncertainty. Edward chuckled at my expression.

"Trust me, love. I've got things well under control." And with that he swatted my ass…he really seemed to love doing that…and turned to walk out the door with Melinda. Melinda waved goodbye, granting me a small smile before motioning her hand towards a spare key that lay on a bureau by the door.

I took a moment to place mine and Edward's bags into the bedroom and situated my cello off to the side of the large living area before grabbing my purse and the spare key to the room and making my way down to the lobby. The lobby of the Chateau Marmont was indubitably grander than the rooms themselves and full of old world charm. I was about to make my way to the concierge desk when a tall, elderly gentlemen with thinning grey hair, wide rimmed spectacles and a gentle smile intercepted me. He was dressed impeccably in a smart, navy blue suit.

"Ms. Swan?" He called my name and I looked in his direction.

"My name is William. Mr. Cullen has arranged for me to take you wherever you need to go today. Won't you come with me?" William extended his elbow in an invitation for me to link my arm through his, and I accepted. William was nothing if not charming. He walked me through the entrance to the hotel out into the bright and shining sun where a stretch black limo awaited me. I instantly groaned. This was Edward's definition of transportation? What a way to blend in, I thought, shaking my head in disbelief as I slipped into the back of the limo. Whatever happened to a simple cab? Then I glanced around and realized there were no cabs to be seen. There were other limos, several Mercedes, a BMW and beautiful red Jaguar, but no cabs. I shook my head, laughing quietly to myself. Even though my father was wealthy, this sort of opulence was far removed from my reality. It's not that I didn't appreciate the finer things in life because I did, but I was admittedly more comfortable in more normal surroundings. And these surroundings were far from normal for me.

Soon we were on our way, and I began to fidget nervously as William wove through the streets of the city. I continued to fidget until William pulled up in front of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I was anxious about meeting Daniella, so much so that I hardly remembered being escorted through the lobby of the hotel and down a large hall to the entrance to the spa. A very polished looking woman without so much as a hair out of place and whose face was caked thick with make-up greeted me there with a very unfriendly huff. She looked down at me critically, her eyes roving over my very casual attire of faded jeans, a white v-neck t-shirt and golden ballet flats. I inwardly cringed, realizing I was not typical of this spa's clientele. Her eyes came to a grinding halt when she took in my permanently calloused, nubby nailed fingers, sighing heavily before flashing a forced smile.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a very condescending tone of voice. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to slink out of The Beverly Hills Hotel and run back to the Chateau Marmont only to lock myself in the room and practice my cello until Edward returned. Alas, that simply was not an option. I knew Edward would be disappointed if I bowed out of this engagement.

"Ah…yes…" I stammered. And it was then that I heard her voice, that silky smooth, deeply lush and sensually accented voice that belonged to Daniella Martinez.

"Bella?" I looked up only to find myself face to face with the very…no…stunningly beautiful Daniella Martinez. She was even more beautiful in person than she was in pictures. She stood before me draped in a plush white robe tied loosely at her waist. And I couldn't help it. I stared at her for a moment, sizing her up for what I truly felt her to be…my competition. I had to admit, she was a formidable foe, possessing an almost ethereal beauty. I couldn't even be considered a close comparison, and I felt a twinge of embarrassment, as ridiculous as it was that I would be the one standing at Edward's side tonight when Daniella was so obviously the more beautiful choice. Daniella seemed to know what I was thinking because she wore an unmistakable smirk on her face as she leaned forward to embrace me.

"It's so nice to finally meet you Bella. I'm Daniella," she said, her voice dripping with sentiment. It was totally overdone and completely insincere and I knew in that moment that I had not been wrong. Daniella was not interested in being my friend. I gulped, truly realizing for the first time what I was up against, and it worried me. Not because I thought Edward desired Daniella over me - I knew that wasn't the case. But because I knew that Daniella desired Edward and would stop at nothing to try and wrest him from me. I didn't like games, and wasn't interested in a competition, but it seemed now I didn't have a choice.

Daniella grabbed my hand, dragging me back to the interior of the spa where she promptly handed me my own plush white robe and instructed me to change. I ducked into a changing room, winding my decidedly drab hair into a bun atop my head before donning the robe. Daniella half-smiled at me when I emerged, taking a moment to appraise me further.

"Edward was right, you are short," she mentioned in passing, and I immediately tensed up. I supposed my five foot five inch stature could be considered short when compared to Daniella's own five foot eight inch frame, but the remark was ridiculous, and cutting, though I suspected she'd meant it as such.

"So tell me more about yourself," Daniella said in a sickeningly sweet voice as she led me into a room with two rectangular tables. Two older women appeared instructing Daniella and I to remove our robes and to lay flat on our stomachs on the tables. I moved to undress, immediately self conscious of my body. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with my body, per se, but I didn't possess the sinuous curves that Daniella did nor were my breasts quite as voluptuous as hers. Oh really, who was I kidding, my breasts were tiny, barely there if I were being truthful. Ugh! I hated this! It was very clear to me that this was precisely what Daniella wanted, for our bodies to be on display side by side, and I hated that I had no other choice but to allow it to happen. I cast a furtive glance in her direction before lying down on the table and bringing my arms up to rest on either side of my head.

"Well?" Daniella prompted me, an impatient edge to her voice. "Tell me more about yourself, Bella." I swallowed hard, forcing myself not to wither in her presence. I thought of Alice and how she would literally kick my ass if I didn't act proud and confident. She'd kick Daniella's ass, too, for being so rude, I thought as I chuckled softly to myself. Alice was never one to take crap from anybody and even as children she'd routinely defended me, the quieter and most shy of the two of us, against catty girls like Daniella.

"Well I'm sure Edward's already told you most of what there is to know," I began slowly.

"Not really," Daniella interjected blandly. "He hardly speaks of you when we talk."

I gritted my teeth, telling myself to remain calm. She was trying to get to me with comments like that and I couldn't let her. Instead, I would remain stoic, even when what I wanted most was to reach across the table and slap her.

"Well then, I'll tell you. I'm a cellist. I'm a senior at Julliard studying music."

"Ummhmm…." Daniella responded, her eyes fluttering closed in response to the ministrations of the masseuse's hands. "Edward did mention that. Music seems to be what fascinates him most about you." She said it as if it were the only thing about me that interested him, as if who I was as a person meant little to him. Daniella was tossing cheap shots. I sighed. I really didn't want to engage in catty banter with Daniella. I would have liked to have thought of myself as being above that, and I was, though I also just wasn't used to dealing with Daniella's type.

"Well we have bonded through our shared love of music. There's no denying that," I agreed before quickly adding, "Edward's so excited to see me play the solo in the school's winter concert next Wednesday. I'll be performing with the Julliard Symphony Orchestra." _There Daniella Martinez, take that_, I thought. _I'm not just some wallflower. I'm a cellist, and a damn good one at that. And it's me that Edward will be coming to see perform live next week. And it's me who will be walking the red carpet with him by my side tonight. Not you!_ Yes, I would have liked to have said these things to Daniella, but no, I didn't. I wouldn't allow her the satisfaction of knowing she was getting to me. Daniella stared at me, sizing me up before continuing.

"Funny, he hasn't mentioned anything to me about that."

Good God. At that point, I was fairly certain I couldn't trust anything Daniella had to say so I just closed my eyes and tried to relax and enjoy the massage. Daniella was quiet for awhile, periodically trying to make chit chat with me. She'd toned down the comments, at least for the time being, but I knew what she was doing. She was trying to confuse me, trying to make me believe that she wasn't all that bad and that perhaps we could even be friends. But her motive was clear. She wanted Edward. She gushed over him - well, over his "extraordinary" beauty, mostly. She didn't waste any time telling me how close they had become during the filming of _Deep in the Woods_ and _By the Light of the Moon_ and how they would remain forever bonded by their experience. She was also all too willing to share with me just how much she was looking forward to filming the third and final film in the trilogy this coming spring. It was actually almost physically painful to listen to her drool over Edward. She had no idea who Edward really was. She didn't know his soul….

Time passed painfully slow. But after a facial and, I must admit, a delicious lunch of pan seared ahi tuna served over a bed of fresh organic greens, Daniella and I were ushered into a room with a wall of polishes ten feet high. I gasped, thinking to myself that this would be Alice's definition of heaven. I sighed, wishing more than anything in that moment that she could be there to share this day with me. I hated going to spas, but didn't mind it so much when I was with Alice. Alice and I always had a good time together no matter what we did.

I didn't know what type of dress Edward had arranged for me to wear, so I decided to play things safe and have a French manicure applied to my toes and a simple, pale colored clear applied to my fingers. Daniella had been quiet as she perused the selection of polishes, but the moment we sat down in the plush leather seats, sinking our feet into a heavenly bath of bubbles, I knew the comments would start. I noticed Daniella's eyes flit to my embarrassingly unattractive hands.

"Oh dear, it really looks like I've taken you to the spa just in time, Bella! Would you have a look at your hands?" Just then, the nail technician who had been adding salts to my foot bath glanced up at my hands. She reached out, taking my left hand in hers and observing it more closely. I couldn't be sure, but it looked to me like she rolled her eyes. I was immediately defensive.

"I'm a cellist, remember? I have to keep my nails short or else I can't play properly. I can't help that my hands aren't as elegant as yours, Daniella." I said it, and I immediately regretted it, because I had just given Daniella exactly what she wanted. I'd let her get to me and she knew it, and in doing so I'd inadvertently fueled her fire; so much for being impassive and stoic.

"Of course, Bella. No need to be so defensive. It's just…well…Edward is always complimenting me on my nails. He loves a woman with well manicured hands," Daniella gushed. "It's a pity you have to sacrifice a bit of your femininity in order to play that beastly instrument, isn't it?"

That was it. What the hell? Did she really just refer to the cello as a beastly instrument? She probably didn't even know what a cello was. And Jesus, was I actually considering having fake nails put on so that Edward would find my hands attractive? This was crazy. This whole day…everything I'd been subjected to thus far was complete madness! I just wanted to get back to the hotel, now more than ever. Just then, my phone buzzed in the pocket of my robe. I thrust my hand into the pocket, grabbing my phone and exhaling sharply in relief when I saw I had a text from Edward.

_Missing you terribly. Interviews are positively dull. Can't wait to see you tonight. You're going to be so beautiful, not that you aren't always beautiful, but still… Love you._

My heart swelled in my chest at Edward's words and for the first time that day, Daniella visibly stiffened. She knew the text was from Edward, and she was wildly jealous. I smiled to myself, taking my time in my reply.

_Missing you, too. You have NO idea how much. And I'll pale in comparison to you, tonight. You don't know what it does to me to see you dressed up in a tux…_

I pressed send and not thirty seconds later, my phone buzzed in my hand.

_Do tell._

I smiled wickedly.

_I don't want to get you into any trouble during your interview Mr. Cullen…_

Send. The phone buzzed again almost immediately.

_I'll take my chances. Spill it Swan._

I giggled softly, though it didn't go unnoticed by Daniella who now seemed to be craning her body in my direction. I discreetly angled my phone towards her wandering eyes so that she could see the next text I planned on sending Edward.

_Seeing you in a tux makes me WET with want, baby._

I hit send at the exact moment in time in which Daniella covered her mouth and coughed. She pulled her body abruptly away from mine, the ire in her eyes unmistakable. It was my turn to smirk.

It was a long couple of hours later that Daniella and I finally emerged from the Beverly Hills Hotel Spa and I was now desperate to get back to the Chateau Marmont. The last hour of our stay had been almost unbearable as Daniella and I both sat together to have our hair and make-up done. I'd chosen to leave my hair down, and the stylist had actually done a nice job of straightening it with a flat iron. I hardly ever took the time to do this, but loved the look. I was certain Edward would, too. But despite the fact that I loved what the stylist had done with my hair, she'd chosen to engage Daniella and me in an extremely uncomfortable topic of conversation. Somehow or another, and I'll admit that Daniella was not the one to one to bring the subject up, the three of us had ended up discussing Edward Cullen's sexual conquests.

I hadn't been prepared for that conversation, not in the least. In fact, it was the absolute furthest thing from my mind as I sat in the chair and stared at myself having my hair done in the mirror. The conversation had begun harmlessly enough with Lydia, my hairstylist, recognizing Daniella. The two of them began to talk as if I wasn't even there. I didn't really care, at first. I was just glad that Daniella finally had somebody else to talk to. But when the topic of conversation turned to Edward, I of course perked up. To be fair, Lydia didn't realize who I was, but that didn't make the things she had to say any less difficult for me to hear.

"So I wonder who Edward will be bringing with him to the premiere this evening," Lydia mused. I stiffened some at Lydia's words, glancing in Daniella's direction. She smirked at me before looking up at Lydia and shrugging.

"I'm not sure who he's with right now," Daniella said absently. I realized that the fact that she hadn't given my identity away was for her benefit, and not mine.

"Well rumor has it he's been shacking up with several Hollywood beauties while nursing his broken heart from Tanya." Daniella threw a quick glance in my direction, grinning smugly. I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to listen to what Lydia had to say, but knowing I had no choice.

"I hear he's a good fuck, too," Lydia added, and I winced at the crudeness of her words. Daniella remained uncharacteristically quiet, which immediately set my mind spinning. Shouldn't she say something along the lines of "I wouldn't know?" Instead she was fidgeting in her seat, acting as if she had something to hide. Oh God… had she been with Edward? But he said they were just friends. I knew I had to try and calm down before I gave myself away. I knew I had to trust Edward. Daniella had been messing with me all day, and she was messing with me now. At least that's what I kept telling myself.

"Celine Meyer was in here a few weeks ago," Lydia continued. "She mentioned having dated Edward for a short while. She said he was a lot of fun to go out with but pretty messed up in the head. Not sure if she slept with him or not, but she alluded to it." Lydia paused then, looking down at both Daniella and me. "What do you think, ladies, he'd probably be an awful good fuck, wouldn't he?" I shuddered, my eyes closing as I tried to shut out the images that assaulted me. This was beyond messed up. How in the hell had we even come to this point in the conversation? And then, unbeknownst to Lydia, she drove the final stake through my heart.

"Of course, if any of us were to know anything about that, it would be you, Daniella, wouldn't it?" Lydia glanced in Daniella's direction and smiled knowingly at her. "There is something about you two…the chemistry the two of you share…it's intense." And at that, Daniella smiled, electing not to say anything at all.

That's when the hairstyling session came to an abrupt end. I stood from my seat and declared myself officially done before scurrying off to find my clothes. Daniella's hairstylist hadn't said much of anything during our sordid conversation and I wondered if this type of talk was typical in Hollywood spas. I decided that it must be, and that it was really just that…talk. Nevertheless, I left the spa with a much heavier heart than I'd had when I arrived and a few lingering questions I knew I would need answers to. So it was that Daniella and I parted ways outside of the Beverly Hills Hotel, her heading off to her own hotel to begin final preparations for the evening and me heading back to the Chateau Marmont, hoping to have a moment to speak with Edward before we had to leave for the premiere.

**Fanfic Recommendation:**

I wanted to recommend a fic that my beta recently recommended to me that I'm thoroughly enjoying reading. It's called **Volition** by Rochelle Allison and follows an Irish Edward involved with the IRA back in the late 60s. Of course, his love interest is Bella. This story is very well written and flows along nicely. It's also a completed fic, which is always nice. Check it out!


	19. In the Limelight Part 2

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you all so much for all of your feedback on the last chapter! It seems I ruffled some of your feathers, lol! I know it was difficult for some of you to accept Bella's reaction to Daniella but you have to keep in mind that this is the first time that Bella has truly been exposed to this part of Edward's life. I think being thrust into the Hollywood scene would be overwhelming for even the most confident of people, and we all know Bella struggles with issues to begin with. All I ask is that you trust me and know that I love Edward and Bella together as much as you do and will not do anything to sully their relationship. But there will be angst, and lots of it in the upcoming chapters.

Also, the premiere will actually be divided into three chapters as opposed to the two I originally intended.

Unending thanks to my kick ass beta **skyeblue0610**. As always, I'm indebted to you for your help with this story!

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok **who included me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Warning: There is sexual content in this chapter.

**Chapter 19: In the Limelight – Part 2**

**EPOV**

I sat in the back of some no name salon somewhere in Hollywood having my nails done before heading back to the hotel. I detested having this done. I knew there were plenty of men out there that actually enjoyed this type of thing, but I was not one of them. Melinda had wanted to schedule a pedicure for me too, but I refused. Why on earth was that necessary? It wasn't as if anybody was going to be looking at my feet. As was to be expected, the nail tech audibly gasped upon seeing my hands. Despite the fact that my fingers were long – an asset when playing the piano, my nails were jagged and short, victims of my childhood habit of biting at them when nervous. The pads of my fingers were worn and calloused too, which shouldn't have been surprising seeing as that I played the guitar.

It had been a few hours since I'd last texted Bella and I was anxious to speak to her about her day. I'd been in the middle of a magazine interview during _that_ particular exchange and it had taken everything I had not to embarrass myself. Luckily the woman who was doing the interview had stepped away from the table so I was able to take a moment to calm myself down before she returned. Melinda had whisked me away to the salon immediately after the interview ended, saying that with all the hands I would be shaking this evening that it was imperative that they be presentable. So there I sat, thoroughly bored and hating that I had to sit still while some woman worked on my hands. Then my phone rang.

"Melinda, can you hit speaker for me?" I asked, not even bothering to look at who it was. I was certain it was Bella. She should be back to the hotel by now.

"Hello?" I tried to speak loud enough that she could hear me from where my phone sat on the cubicle.

"Hey baby, where are you?" I sighed, smiling to myself. It was ridiculous what even the sound of her voice could do to me. I noticed Melinda eying me while pretending to flip through a magazine.

"Would you believe I'm having my nails done?" I listened as Bella chuckled softly. "Oh, and just so you know we're on speaker phone right now." Right at that moment it struck me that perhaps it wasn't the best idea for me to be talking on speakerphone in the presence of the nail tech. Not wanting to take any chances, I asked Bella to hold for a moment before standing from my seat. Melinda shot me a confused look but I simply excused myself from the room, stepping outside into the hallway where I hoped that nobody would stumble upon me. As far as I was concerned, the nail tech could finish buffing my nails after I'd finished my call. Actually, if I had any sense at all I'd get the hell out of there now and run back to the hotel where I knew Bella was waiting for me.

"Hey, I'm back and we're no long on speakerphone," I said and she continued to giggle.

"What's so funny?" I asked, finding her laugh contagious and laughing a little myself.

"Nothing, it's just I'm having a hard time imagining you having your nails done."

I rolled my eyes, laughing in spite of myself. "It's completely ridiculous, isn't it? I keep trying to tell this to Melinda, but she won't listen. She insists my hands are an embarrassment. Like I'm really concerned with how my hand feels when somebody shakes it. Anyway, enough about me - how are you? How was your day at the spa? How did you find Daniella?" I was anxious to know how her day had gone and realized belatedly that I'd bombarded her with too many questions at once. She hesitated a moment before speaking, seeming to have a hard time answering.

"It…it was fine Edward. We can talk about it later, all right?" Her tone of voice and her evasiveness immediately put me on guard. Something didn't feel right…she sounded off.

"Why can't we talk now?" I pressed.

"Aren't you supposed to be having your nails filed or something," she laughed in an obvious move to deflect attention away from my question. And at that moment I knew without a doubt that something was wrong. But what that was, I didn't know.

"I am, but I'm worried that something's wrong now. You're avoiding my questions." Bella laughed again, and though she tried to sound relaxed in it, it was laced with a perceptible amount of nervousness.

"Everything is fine, sweet boy, I promise you. I'll tell you all about it this evening. Right now the focus needs to be on the premiere, okay?" I thought very carefully about what she said, trying my best to decide whether or not things really were fine. I decided I didn't have much choice other than to believe her. She did sound okay…she didn't sound upset or anything of the sort, she just sounded off in some way. But she said she'd speak to me about it later, so I had to trust that she would.

"Okay. But you would tell me if something was wrong, right?" I asked, just to be sure, and she laughed again…that same laugh as before that left me wondering.

"I would, and there's not. I promise we'll talk tonight…that is if I'm not too busy kissing you senseless." I growled softly into the phone.

"Oh you will be love, I can assure you of that."

I hung up the phone with Bella a few moments later after Melinda poked her head out into the hall and glared at me. As I sat down to allow the nail tech to finish her job, I couldn't help but think to myself that something wasn't right. But what could it be? I'd spoken with Daniella a little while earlier and she hadn't mentioned any problems. She'd told me that she and Bella had had a perfectly enjoyable day at the spa. Whatever it was, I promised myself that we'd talk about it later this evening as I doubted there'd be time to do so before. Bella was right. With the premiere only a few hours away, we had little time to focus on much else.

Thirty minutes later I was walking down the hallway towards the suite with my key in hand. I found I was traveling at a brisk pace, much faster than I normally walked. I smiled to myself, knowing full well why. I wanted to see Bella. I hadn't liked being away from her all day. I'd been spoiled over Thanksgiving, having been able to spend all that uninterrupted time with her. And it had been so relaxing. Now that we'd been thrust back into reality, I knew we wouldn't have a chance to spend time together like that again until Christmas. Christmas – God I was really looking forward to when Bella met my family at Christmas. Now that I'd met Charlie, I was even more anxious for Bella to meet my parents, and Emmett and Rosalie and baby Genevieve too. I'd no doubt they'd love her, though not as much as I did, for it would be impossible for a living soul to love her as much as or more than me.

I faltered in my step as I approached the door, the divine sound of Bella's music filling my ears. I sighed heavily, my eyes falling closed as I allowed myself a moment to listen to her play. She wasn't playing Haydn, which is what I thought she'd be practicing in preparation for her concert next week. Instead, she played a piece I didn't immediately recognize. I knew I hadn't heard her play it before, but it was beautiful, lush and beckoning, calling to me as I stood outside the door. I inserted the key into the lock as quietly as I could, turning it ever so slowly in hopes I wouldn't disturb her while playing. I wanted to watch her play…loved more than anything else to watch her play…without her knowing I was there. I got lucky. As I entered the foyer, I saw she was seated at a chair in the living room. Her body was angled such that I was watching her profile as she played. Her eyes were closed, as they so often were when playing pieces from memory. I watched as her left hand skipped up and down the neck of her cello and her right hand drew the bow across the strings, eliciting the sweetest and most sonorous of sounds. I shivered in place, knowing I would never get used to listening to her play and watching her movements.

Watching Bella play her cello could actually be quite erotic for me and I have to admit that in that moment, I was wildly turned on. Christ, there she sat, her legs wrapped around an exquisitely crafted instrument, holding it tight between her thighs. The way her body melded with the instrument, the way she embraced it with each of her arms, the way she locked it against herself with her legs, it was like watching her make love and it was damn near impossible for me to stay away from her. I groaned, feeling myself start to harden in my pants but knowing damn well we just didn't have time for that…not now, anyway.

Pushing my lustful thoughts aside, I chose instead to focus on her face. She was relaxed and centered, very obviously contented and at peace as she always seemed to be when she played. Hers was truly a love affair, with music being much more than just something that brought her great pleasure. Music was her life, what she was and how she best expressed herself. It defined her in ways I knew set her apart from most musicians, which is maybe why it was always such a powerful experience to watch her play. She and her cello were truly one. I smiled to myself thinking of how sometimes when she was idle in practice, her left hand would absently stroke the cello, caressing it tenderly as if it were an actual animate object. Yes, her passion for her instrument and her music ran deep, and I could relate to this on so many levels. Yet her music, as beautiful as it was, was but one small reason why I loved her.

The music drew to a close and Bella still hadn't realized I was standing there. Part of me hoped that she wouldn't open her eyes and that she wouldn't notice. I wanted her to continue to play so that I could watch her for a little while longer. But her eyes did open, and she sighed, the fingers of her left hand slowly traveling back and forth along the length of the strings as she sat deep in thought.

"_If music be the food of love, play on_," I spoke quietly from where I stood. Bella stilled her hands, a small smile pulling at her lips, and without turning her head to address me, she spoke.

"Are you comparing yourself to Orsino?" She asked quietly and I laughed a hearty, unexpected laugh, loving that she knew I was quoting from Shakespeare's _Twelfth Night_.

"Maybe," I hedged.

"And would that mean I was…Olivia?" I leveled my eyes at her and could almost feel them darken in possessiveness. I strode to her side, reaching out to brush her hair aside and bending to suck gently at her neck. She shuddered and I pulled away, bringing my mouth to her ear.

"I don't think so, my love," I whispered quietly, my voice betraying my arousal. "The sad Duke pined after the lovely Countess where as I already have you. You're mine," I growled softly, nipping at her earlobe with my teeth.

"I am," she breathed heavily. I watched the rise and fall of her chest and the rapid thump of her heart as she responded to my touch and to my words.

"No, my beautiful Bella," and I bent to place a single, tender kiss to her neck before continuing. "My love, you're the music by which Orsino meant to cure his obsession with love." I kissed her neck again, this time letting my tongue lap at her skin, tasting her. I watched as her eyes fell closed and her head lolled to the side, her hair spilling across her back as she silently asked me for more.

"_Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, the appetite may sicken, and so die," _she murmured, continuing to quote from the _Twelfth Night_ and I found I was now achingly hard, turned on by our verbal foreplay, wanting more than anything to have her then and there.

"Mmmhmm," I responded while letting my hands wander across her chest from behind, grasping her breasts in my two hands and kneading them softly, "though it would be impossible to ever overindulge in your music. If from this point forward I did no more with my life than listen to you play, it still would never be enough." I whispered this into her ear and she giggled, bringing me up short.

"What," I smiled against her as my hands came to rest on her chest. I laughed with her in spite of myself. She was ruining the mood.

"Nothing…it's just…you're so dramatic sometimes," she giggled again, briskly bringing one of my hands to her mouth and kissing the palm of it.

"But I meant it," I said honestly, though feigning hurt, and she giggled yet again.

"Brilliant, I try to romance the woman I love and she laughs at me," I teased, moving around in front of her now and taking the cello from her hand. She allowed me to, and I carefully propped it against the wall before taking her hand and pulling her into an embrace.

"I'm sorry," Bella managed while trying to stifle yet another small giggle. I watched her, amused, as she tried to pull herself together. She gazed at me as she did, warmth replacing humor in her eyes, and she brought the palm of her hand to my cheek, resting it there gently.

"Oh I do love you," she said. "And thank you. I really needed that. I really needed to laugh." I raised my eyebrows at her at this unexpected statement. Making her laugh had hardly been my intention, though it didn't bother me. I loved seeing her laugh.

"Humph," I pouted, still teasing and she played along.

"Oh don't be like that. You know I love it when you talk to me like that. It really turns me on," she said before pushing herself against me, and I instantly reacted, her closeness eliciting reactions over which I had little control. She stood on her tiptoes, bringing her lips to mine and kissed me, softly at first, then with more ardor, pushing her tongue forward and seeking entry into my mouth. I willingly obliged. She pulled away moments later, breathing heavily.

"Do we have time?" she asked, and she looked so hopeful it damn near killed me to say no. But we really didn't. I needed to shower and get dressed. Melinda had mentioned to me before dropping me off that she needed to speak to Bella and me about something before we left for the premiere. She'd said she'd stop by the room in a little while and I wanted to be ready when she came by. I touched my forehead to Bella's, shaking it gently back and forth and she frowned in disappointment.

"Later, okay?" I wasn't really asking her. I knew we'd be together tonight. I just wanted to reassure her as such. She smiled lightly, nodding her head.

"So what was that you were playing, anyway?" The memory of the music she'd just played was still fresh in my mind. "I don't think I've ever heard you play it before."

"Really?" She seemed surprised. "I play it all the time, maybe not so much lately though. It's called _Bercuese_, by Benjamin Godard. He composed it for his opera _Jocelyn_. It's a lullaby."

"It's beautiful."

"It is, isn't it? My mother used to play it for me before I went to sleep. I guess you could say it's my "little ditty," she smiled at me, referencing my term for _The Star of the County Down_, the ballad I loved for her to play for me sometimes at night. I smiled back, sharing her memory, imagining her lying in bed at night as a young girl being lulled to sleep by the soulful sound of the cello. I reached up with my hand then to brush a wayward strand of hair from her face and I noticed for the first time since walking through the door how different she looked. I wasn't sure how it had escaped my notice, but she'd straightened her otherwise wavy hair. I stared at her, taking the image of her in, and she started gnawing self-consciously at her bottom lip. Her eyes flitted away from mine as a nervous smile spread across her face.

"You're staring," she said quietly while looking down towards the floor. I reached out with my hand, gently lifting her face back to mine.

"You're so beautiful," I murmured, gazing down at her. I reached out, ghosting my hand down the length of her hair to where it hung loose past her shoulder. "I love your hair." Bella blushed, immediately looking away again and I couldn't help but smile.

I loved that such simple words could do that to her. I tried to tell her often how beautiful I thought she was and hoped she'd always blush for me like that. There was a short, almost awkward silence then as I regarded her. She knew what I was doing, that I was unabashedly checking her out - and imagining her naked as well. Tentatively she reached forward with her right hand, running it along the length of my arousal, smiling coyly, her bottom lip still caught between her teeth.

"You need to stop," she warned, looking up at me out of hooded brown eyes that completely negated the words she'd just spoken. That and the fact that her hand continued to grip me - massaging me and kneading me as her hand moved slowly up and down my now rock hard erection. My eyes fluttered closed at the intensity of the sensation of just her hand on me and fuck me, I wanted her. I brought my hands to her face, holding it still and capturing her mouth in mine. I wasn't gentle and I wasn't slow as I kissed her for all I was worth. Her breaths started coming in short bursts then and our kissing was growing sloppier and I knew that if I didn't get inside of her soon I'd be coming right there in my pants. And then there was a knock at the door and all thoughts of sex flew right out the window.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath and Bella pulled away abruptly, her eyes wide with concern.

"Who…who's that?" she stammered, her hand releasing me and dropping to her side.

I groaned, reaching down to try and adjust myself in my pants with little luck.

"It's more than likely…" but I didn't have time to say anything more before Melinda called out our names while simultaneously knocking at the door again, this time more forcefully.

"What's she doing here?" Bella asked, eyeing me anxiously as I moved off towards the bedroom. I needed a moment to collect myself before I faced Melinda. I couldn't very well speak to her with a raging hard on in my pants.

"She mentioned earlier she needed to speak with us before we left. Can you please just let her in for me, I'm a little…indisposed right now."

I heard Bella move the chair she'd been sitting on back by the desk where it had originally come from before padding over to the door and opening it.

"Bella," Melinda greeted her swiftly by name before asking about me.

"I'll be right out," I called from the bedroom. Having gotten things under control, I walked back out into the living room where Bella and Melinda were seated beside each other somewhat awkwardly on the couch. Neither one of them was saying anything to the other and the look of relief that washed across Bella's face when I reemerged into the room made me feel slightly sad. I really didn't want for her to be nervous around Melinda. I'd have to be sure that Melinda was still planning on lunch with Bella tomorrow so that she could give her the apology she was owed. I still couldn't believe Melinda had said the things to Bella that she had, and I wasn't even sure I knew the half of it. Still, I guess I shouldn't have been entirely surprised. Melinda could be overprotective and was wary of any girl that came into my life after Tanya. Nevertheless, she had been unquestionably wrong and I'd already had harsh words with her telling her as much. I'd demanded that she apologize to Bella, telling her that Bella not only needed, but more importantly deserved an apology. And I didn't want her to handle this matter over the phone. It needed to be done in person, so that Bella could see that she was sincere. Melinda wasn't a bad person, just somewhat irrational when it came to me.

"Edward!" Melinda cried as her eyes caught sight of me. She stood hastily from the couch walking briskly towards where I stood. "You're not even showered! It's after four thirty now and you really should leave by no later than half past five!" Melinda admonished me for having not yet readied myself for the premiere but all I could do was roll my eyes at her. Sometimes she was just too much. She could be incredibly controlling to the point of being overbearing, but I guess that's what I paid her for because hell if I knew how to organize my own career. Nevertheless, she often crossed the line – as evidenced by her notorious phone call to Bella, and I really wasn't in the mood for this, this evening.

"Jesus, Melinda, ease up. I just got back and Bella and I were having a moment together," I defended myself, stealing a glance in Bella's direction. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I heard her snicker and she smiled at me, shaking her head. Melinda noticed our little exchange and sighed, bringing the palm of her left hand to her forehead and holding it there as she shook her head. She wasn't smiling.

"Listen Edward, the three of us need to have a talk," she said as her eyes fell shut. I tensed at her words and her posture, wondering why she seemed so flustered and serious. Both Bella and I remained quiet with neither one of us moving or saying anything. Presently Melinda took her hand from her forehead, dropping it down to her side and with her other hand motioning both Bella and me towards the couch. Wordlessly, we both moved to sit together side by side while Melinda sat in an armchair opposite us.

"What's wrong, Melinda? What's going on? Why are you acting so strange?" I was the first to break the silence because whatever it was that was on Melinda's mind it was obvious that it wasn't good and I just wanted to know what the hell was going on so that we could deal with it properly.

"Edward," she began slowly, "the studio isn't pleased that you'll be walking the red carpet with Bella. They've asked me to remind you of your contractual obligations to promote this film and to tell you that they feel it would be more prudent if you escorted Daniella instead." I froze, completely aghast by what Melinda had just said. I could feel Bella tense at my side, her hands starting to fidget nervously in her lap and I immediately reached for her hand, clasping it tightly in my own.

"You can't be serious, Melinda," I said, trying my best to remain calm, but knowing as the seconds ticked by that this would be impossible. I could feel the muscles in my jaw clench tight and could feel myself start to shake in anger as Melinda nodded her head.

"I'm quite serious, Edward. And I'm sorry. I know you've brought Bella all the way out here in order to show her off this evening, but I'm going to have to side with the studio on this one. It would be better for the promotion of the film if you and Daniella were seen together and not you and Bella. The audience has certain expectations…"

"Certain expectations?" I roared, dropping Bella's hand and rising to my feet. I'd had quite enough. Melinda remained seated as I approached her, towering over her in rage, but she didn't flinch. "Show her off?" I yelled. "Don't insult me, Melinda!"

"Edward, please," both Bella and Melinda uttered the same words at the same exact moment in time and if it weren't for the fact that I was so fucking pissed off I might have found it comical. But not now, not when Melinda was sitting there in front of me telling me it would be better if Bella didn't walk the red carpet with me. Not when Melinda was trying to convince me that because the audience had this ridiculous fascination with me and Daniellla, wanting art to imitate life, that I ought to play along with it. No way in hell was I going to do that.

"No, you listen to me," I warned Melinda before she could say anything else. I felt the fingertips of Bella's right hand graze my arm, I knew in an effort to help settle me, but I gently shrugged her off. I didn't want to be fucking settled right now. I was angry and Melinda needed to know how I felt.

"First of all and foremost…and I want to make myself perfectly clear here, I did not bring Bella to L.A. to attend the premiere of my film in order to 'show her off.' I love her God damn it, I brought her here because I _want_ her here with me and I _need_ her there by my side tonight. So don't you dare try and demean my relationship with her and what she means to me. Secondly, I could give a fuck what people want to see. What they want to see and what's real are two entirely different things. I'm not going to parade around with Daniella and pretend that I'm in love with her, because I'm not! Damn it, I am not Alexander and she is not Sophia! And this is just totally and completely fucked up!" I was practically screaming at this point, I was so incredibly insulted by what Melinda had just said. And she knew it, because she just sat there, staring at me, not having the nerve to try and tell me I was wrong. Because she knew I wasn't. She knew it was wrong for her to ask me not to walk Bella down the red carpet.

"Are you quite done?" Fuck. Melinda finally spoke, and I knew she meant business. She stood up from where she sat, walking towards me, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Look I understand Edward. I get it, okay?" Melinda glanced at Bella for a moment before glaring at me once again. "If I didn't before, I do now. I can see what Bella means to you, and I'm sorry I have to be the one to say this to you. But as your manager and your friend and lastly as your family – as the one you hired specifically for this job because you knew I would always do what I felt was in your best interest, I am here to tell you that you haven't much of a choice in this matter. You are _contractually obligated_ to do press with Daniella, Edward. I'm not _asking_ you to walk the carpet with Daniella. I'm _telling_ you."

"And what if I refuse?" I seethed.

"You'd be making a big mistake. They can take legal action against you, Edward, and it won't look good. You'll be labeled as difficult and no studio will want to touch you after that.

"Maybe that's what I want."

"What?" To sabotage your career?"

"Yes!" I growled, growing even angrier. "I won't have my life controlled by everyone else but myself, Melinda! I won't be told who to date, who to bring to events with me, who is appropriate for me to have by my side and who isn't. It's my fucking life, Melinda, it's my fucking decision - not theirs, not yours, not anybody else's!"

And then Bella spoke from behind us, her small voice breaking through my fury and interrupting my tirade. She spoke so quietly, so softly that at first I didn't think I had heard her right. But I had.

"I think Melinda's right, Edward. I think you should escort Daniella down the red carpet." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My eyes flew to Bella's face, searching it for some sort of an explanation as to why she'd say this. I watched her as she swallowed hard. She was so obviously struggling not to cry and it damn near killed me. I made to go to her, but she held up her hand stopping me.

"Edward please, just listen to me. Let's try and be reasonable. This is just one moment out of one night. It's not worth throwing your career away just to prove a point."

"Now who's being dramatic, Bella? I wouldn't be throwing my career away by walking the red carpet with you and I'm not trying to prove a point, either. Damn it, you don't seem to get it either. I don't give a shit what people think, I want you by my side!" I knew my tone was harsh, but I couldn't help it. I was wound up tight, in total shock that this was being laid on us like this at the very last minute.

"I know, Edward. I want to be by your side, too," she said in a voice that pleaded with me to listen. "And I will be, afterwards…right Melinda?" Bella looked questioningly in Melinda's direction and she vigorously nodded her head in agreement.

"Of course. They're not asking you to stay away from Bella, Edward. She can sit with you in the theater and attend the after party with you, too. Though you will be expected to mingle," she added as a caveat. "They're just asking that you walk the carpet with Daniella is all. Walk the carpet with her, pose for some pictures with fans, sign some autographs and get through the photo call and then you can meet up with Bella in the theater."

"There, you see," Bella said, moving to my side now and taking my hand in hers. She ran her other hand up the length of my arm, rubbing it soothingly across my bicep. "There's really no need to get ourselves so upset here. I'm fine with this Edward. Really…I mean maybe it's even for the better, all things considered." And her voice trailed off and I knew immediately that she was thinking of all the cameras. I sighed, not wanting to give in but realizing if only for that reason alone that perhaps this was for the best. Bella seemed fine with it, and in truth, I knew she had not really been looking forward to walking the red carpet. She was nervous, and understandably so. I was nervous too, every time I had to do it. I hated it in fact, hated all of the attention. I always felt overwhelmed by all of the screaming and the grabbing and the touching. It was complete sensory overload. That's why I had wanted Bella there by my side tonight, to center me, to remind me that in the end, I was just a normal boy, albeit one who loved an extraordinary girl.

"You're okay with this?" I asked Bella as I looked down at her, searching her eyes to be sure that she was being honest with me. "Because I won't agree to this if you're not."

"I'm fine Edward, really. I don't want to do anything that might cause trouble for you or for us with the studio. Things are already complicated enough as they are, yeah?" She reached up and dragged the pads of both her thumbs across my cheeks, her hands coming to rest at the side of my face.

"Okay. I don't like it, but if you're okay with it then I guess I can muddle through an hour without you. And as soon as I'm done with the photo call, I'll be in the theater and by your side. And I'm not letting you away from me for the rest of the evening, all right?"

"Agreed."

I could feel the tension in the room ratchet down a notch as Melinda exhaled sharply, visibly relieved to have won this round, though she knew as well as I did she didn't have anything to do with it. If Bella hadn't assured me that it was okay with her, I never would have agreed to it - to hell with what the studio thought. First thing next week I was going to have my lawyers take a closer look at my contract too, to find out exactly what the expectations were when I promoted a film. I wasn't convinced they had the right to tell me who to walk the red carpet with and I'd be damned if I was going to deal with this sort of situation again. This wouldn't happen again. Bella and I would not be faced with making this type of decision again.

Melinda left the room soon after the decision had been made that Bella would ride with me in the limo to the theater and be dropped off and escorted inside through a back door while I was driven to the front to walk the red carpet with Daniella. My heart ached at the thought of this but the decision had been made. And it was with a heavy heart that I presented Bella with her dress, a dress that I'd selected for her myself with the help of Melinda. I'd hoped this moment would be a happier one for me, but I couldn't pretend that I wasn't upset by what had just transpired. Still, I had to do my best not to ruin the moment for Bella, and when she opened the box and her beautiful brown eyes grew wide with obvious excitement, I did feel a little bit better, if only for the moment, anyway.

Bella loved her dress. It suited her and her tastes perfectly, which had been my intention. The dress was a beautiful yet simple black spaghetti strap dress that hung to just above her knees. It wasn't fancy, yet it was still elegant. And the way I was certain it would hug Bella's curves meant it would also be sensual. This was of course, for my benefit. The dress was to be worn with a black shawl and with a necklace I'd purchased for her to wear tonight and each day forward.

"What's this?" she asked curiously, putting aside her dress for a moment as she noticed the small rectangular box I held in my hand. "Is this for me?" I nodded, placing the box into her hand. I reached my hand out and dragged my fingers from the base of her throat down to the apex of her breasts before dragging it back up again.

"I know you're not really one to wear a lot of jewelry, but I thought maybe you wouldn't mind wearing something simple," I said, gazing down at her, a lazy smile on my face.

"Edward, you really shouldn't have. You've already given me the dress. But of course I wouldn't mind and _thank you_," she answered me softly, her voice and hands trembling slightly as she lifted the lid off of the box. There, nestled in a bed of cotton was the golden charm, a diamond encrusted cello, I'd had made for her, fastened to a chain so that she could wear it around her neck. Bella gasped when she laid her eyes upon it.

"Edward it's…it's so beautiful, I love it, thank you!" She squealed, reaching up and throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me into a warm embrace. I hugged her back, smoothing my hand over her hair, breathing her in and just feeling her. All too soon she broke away, glancing nervously at the clock.

"You'd best get showered, we don't have much time." I groaned, knowing she was right. It was already five. Begrudgingly, I rose from the bed, stripping my clothes off and giving Bella an eyeful as I made my way into the bathroom. She threw the lid from the box that had held her necklace after me, hitting me in the center of my back. I chuckled softly.

"You're evil Edward Cullen," she laughed after me, and the sound of her laughter was almost enough to put me at ease.

I showered quickly, changing into my suit in the bathroom while Bella changed in the bedroom. It would have been too dangerous for us to have tried to dress together in the same room. There is no way I could have stared at her naked form and not have taken her, but there was simply not enough time now. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was going to have to use the hair dryer to finish drying my hair as we were running very short on time and it was still too wet. I muttered to myself as I went about trying to use the contraption which I had truthfully never used before, at least not that I could remember. I fumbled with it for a bit, getting it to turn on, but quickly grew frustrated when I saw that my hair just did not look right. Not that I really cared all that much what it looked like in the sense that that wild mess could never truly be tamed, but I had to at least look presentable tonight, so I put forth the effort – failing miserably.

"Bella!" I called out to her in frustration a few minutes later, growing increasingly more irritated with my hair and having troubles with the buttons on my shirt now, too.

Bella strolled into the bathroom then and my jaw dropped and I literally had to steady myself with my hands on the edge of the bathroom counter at the sight of her. She was stunning, simply stunning.

"What's wrong?" She smiled at me, amused by my reaction.

"God you're beautiful," I murmured, staring at her. "I mean I know I tell you that all the time, but you are. I hope you know that. I hope you know that I want you at my side tonight too, and you are all I will think about until we're together again." Bella quickly closed the space between us, coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist. She squeezed me tightly to her and I felt myself relaxing under her touch.

"You're so tense," she commented, rubbing her hands lovingly up and down my chest. I sighed, laughing a little in spite of myself.

"I'm having trouble with my hair and I can't button the fucking buttons on my shirt," I laughed a little harder now and she giggled, turning me around in her arms and pulling my head down towards hers. She kissed me softly, running her right hand back behind my neck and scratching gently at the nape of it.

"Relax, okay? Everything is going to be all right. I promise," she said. I kissed her back.

"You see," I murmured against her lips, bringing my forehead against hers, "I told you that you were my rock, but you didn't believe me." She laughed, pulling away from me to turn her attention to the buttons on my shirt. After securing the buttons she messed with my hair some and, tossing the hair dryer aside somehow got it to look presentable.

"You're mighty handsome," she smiled at me as she appraised me in the mirror. "So you'd better not go getting any ideas when you're walking that red carpet surrounded by beautiful women tonight," she teased. She was smiling and I laughed with her, but I thought that maybe I detected a hint of sadness in her expression, though I couldn't figure out why.

"The only ideas I'll be entertaining are ones that include me and you naked in this room tonight love," I purred in her ear before swatting her ass and heading into the bedroom. I checked my watch, it was nearly five thirty. Bella slipped on the black heels I'd bought for her to wear with her dress and grabbed her golden colored clutch as we readied ourselves to head downstairs. I grabbed my jacket, not wanting to put it on until the last minute, and taking her hand in mine, walked out the door.

William was waiting for us downstairs to take us to the theater. Melinda had already left and would be meeting me on the red carpet with Ronald. Even though there was a barrier meant to separate us from the fans, there was always the chance that some lunatic would try something, so Ronald would be walking the carpet with me, though keeping a reasonable distance so he wouldn't be in the way.

As we made our way towards the theater in the limo, I couldn't help but think about our conversation with Melinda. I was still extremely upset that Bella couldn't stay with me and the more I thought about it, the more agitated I became. I was also anxious. Yes, movie stars, or at least _this_ movie star, got anxious at premieres. The atmosphere on the red carpet alone was enough to drive one mad. The crowds could be overwhelming, in my case to the point of making me want to run in the complete opposite direction and never look back. And I'm not talking about running away from the premiere, here. I'm talking about running away from acting in general. Sometimes I thought about if I'd just stuck with music, I'd be able to live a more normal life. But then again, if I'd just stuck with music I might never have met Bella. I considered that for a moment. I also considered the fact that as much as there were some aspects of acting that I loathed it had nevertheless really gotten under my skin. I loved my job, even if I hated what it did to me.

Truthfully, what it did to me was to sometimes make me question who I really was. Acting made me question my own identity because it was hard to know who you really were when you lived the type of life I did. But then I'd met Bella, who reminded me every day that I was just Edward, nothing more and nothing less. She reminded me that my identity and what defined me was not my job, but rather who I was inside. It was for that reason and so many others that I really wanted her to be by my side tonight. She grounded me, reminded me of what was real in my life. And just the thought of having to drop her off in the back of the theater, as if I was trying to hide her or something, really bothered me. Bella must have noticed, because she glanced up at me, reaching over and taking my hand in hers, taking care to thread our fingers together. She squeezed gently.

"You okay?" she looked up at me, her eyes warm and full of concern. I couldn't lie to her.

"Not really."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked and I sighed.

"What's there to talk about? I want you…" but she didn't let me finish, instead startling me when in one lithe movement she was straddling my lap and taking my face in both of her hands.

"You have me," she whispered as she leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to my mouth. "Just because I won't be standing by your side on the red carpet doesn't mean I won't be with you. I will. And when you're through, you'll come to me in the theater and you won't leave my side for the rest of the evening, as promised," she teased as she nuzzled her face against mine.

"So relax now, baby," she crooned as she placed small kisses about my mouth. "Let me help you to relax," she breathed as she moved to kiss me deeply. I responded instinctively to her nearness and her words, winding my arms around her back and pulling her close to me and kissing her back. As the car sped down the highway towards the theater, our kissing grew more urgent and for the second time in as many days I was thankful for the wall that separated us from William…oh…and for the heavily tinted windows, too. Bella had started rocking against my now painfully hard erection and as inappropriate as it was, all I could think about was having her right then and there in the back of the limo. I needed her, really needed to feel connected to her before I entered the lion's lair.

"Baby," she whispered against my ear, her breathing already somewhat ragged. "Can you tell William to delay our arrival by a few minutes? Would that be all right?" She pulled her head forward, searching my eyes for an answer, pleading with me to say yes. She reached out with her right hand and dragged it down my cheek. "I need to be with you." Fuck. I couldn't…wouldn't…would never say no to her. And I could see it in her eyes that she needed it just as much as me. I reached out with my hand and pressed the nearby call button and William responded immediately.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen, what can I do for you?"

"William, could you please take a small detour? I'd like to delay our arrival by ten minutes." Really, I would have preferred to have delayed our arrival permanently, turning the limo around and driving us back to the hotel and making love to Bella all night long. But I knew I couldn't do that and that ten minutes was all I could spare without Melinda coming unhinged. William agreed and I turned my attention back to Bella who had already hoisted her dress above her thighs and slipped her black lace panties down to her feet.

"Unbuckle your pants, baby," she breathed against my mouth before capturing my bottom lip in her mouth and sucking hard. My hands flew to my crotch where I undid my trousers, Bella moving off to the side so that I could lift my hips and slide my pants down to my feet before she centered herself on my lap again.

"We need to move quickly," I said, gripping her hips with my hands. She glided back and forth along my length, already wet and ready for me before lifting herself above me and pushing down. I gasped as I filled her, my eyes falling shut of their own accord. Slowly we found our rhythm, me rocking up into her, her rocking down onto me. We were quiet as we loved one another, and though we had limited time, there was no urgency to our union. It was about loving one another, letting ourselves need one another and losing ourselves in each other if only for that moment. Bella rested her head on my shoulder as she moved against me, her heart thumping wildly against my chest and soon I felt the muscles in my groin start to coil. The tiny mewls Bella emitted from her O shaped mouth told me she was close, too. Just then she pulled her head from my chest and looked at me.

"Do you love me, baby?" she asked and my heart ached with just how much I did.

"Yes," I breathed. She nodded, her eyes falling closed as she bent to kiss my mouth.

"I love you too," she mumbled as she started to come, and as she squeezed my length inside of her, her small body trembling against my own, I climaxed, too.

We both sat panting in the seat, each of us trying to regulate our breathing and gather our senses about us before we attempted to clean ourselves up and put our clothes back on.

"Thank you," I said, reaching up to pepper kisses about her face. She looked down at me, smiling lovingly.

"What for?"

"I really needed that," I admitted somewhat bashfully as I grabbed her hand and brought it to my mouth to kiss it.

She nodded in understanding, because she understood me and even in the course of just a matter of months, knew me and what I needed so well.

"I did, too."

Presently, I reached for some napkins that sat tucked in the door of the limo, grabbing several so that we could clean ourselves up before getting dressed. She crawled off of my lap, smiling coyly up at me.

"I can't believe we just did that," she said. Now that it was over, I really couldn't believe it myself. It had definitely been brazen. Then again, so had doing what we had done in the shower down the hall from her father's room.

"Me either," I laughed with her for a moment, but my face immediately fell when I saw we were near to the theater. And again, I was overwhelmed with an incredible sense of anger and sadness - but most of all, injustice. The more I thought about it, the more I felt certain the studio had no right to dictate who I walked the red carpet with at my premieres. It was wrong that they'd asked me to escort Daniella instead of Bella. But the greater injustice here was that Bella was being wronged. She'd done nothing to deserve being hustled into the theater through a back door while I made a grand entrance out front. Christ, she had been brave enough to face her fear of camera flashes to stand by my side tonight yet I stood by, the coward giving into the studio's demands. Without thinking twice, I slammed my hand down on the call button.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"William, please drive straight to the front of the theater, Ms. Swan and I will be exiting the car together there."

"Edward!" Bella gasped, spinning in her seat to face me, her face suddenly flush and her eyes wide with panic. "What are you doing? I thought we decided…"

"Fuck it, Bella. I don't care. If you're brave enough to stand by my side I'm brave enough to have you there with me," I said taking her hand firmly in my own. William was pulling up in front of the theater now and I could hear the wild screams of the fans. We were late, which meant everybody else should already be on the carpet and so all eyes were on this limo, knowing I sat hidden inside. I could feel Bella's hand trembling in mine and right as I heard the click of the door handle, indicating William was opening the door, I looked straight into Bella's eyes and spoke to her…to me…to the both of us.

"We can do this," I said, as we stepped out of the limo and into total and complete chaos.


	20. In the Limelight Part 3

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks so much to everybody who has taken the time to read and review this fic. I very much look forward to all of your comments and hope you will continue to let me know what you think!

Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. It was the most difficult chapter for me to write to date and I'm not quite sure why.

Many thanks to my awesome beta **skyeblue0610 **for helping me fine tune each chapter! I am forever grateful for your help!

Thanks to **Gossip-Bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

* * *

**Chapter 20: In the Limelight – Part 3 **

**BPOV**

The cacophonous calls of rabid fans filled the air around us and the sound was absolutely deafening - akin to the roar of die hard football fans watching their team score during the Super bowl. My immediate instinct was to recoil. Instead, I held tight to the one thing that could grant me any measure of calm – Edward's hand.

The click of a camera startled me and I felt my body stiffen as I instinctively shied away. I fought hard against the all too familiar feeling of dread that threatened to ambush me despite my best efforts to remain calm. Edward cast a furtive glance in my direction, his eyes steady and warm, and it was just enough to settle me amidst this sea of insanity.

The click of another camera…a brilliant point of light…the frantic screams of fans…

I shuddered and Edward gripped my hand tighter, pulling me forward as he started to greet his fans.

I hadn't been prepared for this. I never could have imagined the level of mass hysteria that would greet Edward and me as we exited the limo. It was beyond anything reasonable. And if I'd any notion that this experience would be similar to that of the gala event some weeks ago I knew in that moment I was seriously misguided. This was nothing of the sort. There were thousands…literally thousands of screaming people, most of them appearing to be young girls under the age of 16. And they were all calling Edward's name.

But this was the least of my worries.

I hadn't anticipated Edward's bold move nor had I much of a chance to protest as he'd grabbed my hand and pulled me from the limo. If he would have given me any indication he planned to defy Melinda I would have done my best to talk him out of it. But his decision to keep me by his side on the red carpet had been last minute, of that I was certain. And now I stood facing down not only a frenzied mob of women all clamoring to talk to and touch _my_ boyfriend, but also a wild-eyed agent and astonished co-star who were both likely wondering what in the hell was going on.

**Click. Click. **

Several more tiny points of light captured my attention, drawing me into an almost hypnotic state. I blinked twice, desperately trying to purge my mind of the little white lights and willing myself to focus on Edward – on his hand in mine. And while one hand kept me close, the other signed autographs. I listened to his smooth, velvety voice as he greeted his fans, so warm and inviting and self-assured… the complete antithesis of me. I was vaguely aware of Melinda and Daniella moving towards us, but they seemed to be moving slowly. It was as if time was moving forward in freeze-frame, each and every movement of those around me exaggerated.

**Click. Click.**

The screaming was almost painful to listen to now. My ears were ringing. I watched as young girls pressed themselves tightly against the barricades, arms flailing, clamoring for the chance to touch Edward. One succeeded in grabbing hold of his arm and Ronald appeared as if out of nowhere, arms folded across his chest, a menacing presence at Edward's side. The girl immediately let go and Edward stepped back, putting more space between himself and his fans. He reached out and autographed a piece of paper for the same girl then, smiling pleasantly at her. And I wondered to myself how he could do that? How could he so calmly accept being groped by strangers? This was madness.

**Click. Click. **

I shut my eyes. Desperate for some relief from the panic that was rising from within, I conjured the image of our sunrise, and though it was mildly helpful, I realized in that moment that we'd been dangerously naïve…or maybe just desperately hopeful…when we'd thought that this would make a difference. It didn't, not really, and I realized at that moment that thrusting me into the limelight in this manner had been foolish. I wasn't prepared for this, and now I'd no choice but to try and endure it. So I clung to what was real, but as I held tight to him I realized that this entire scene was a red carpet recipe for disaster.

"Edward!" I heard Melinda calling Edward's name and I looked in her direction. She was moving towards us purposefully and though she was smiling, it was clearly strained.

At almost the same moment in time, Daniella approached from behind, narrowing her eyes at me as she moved to Edward's other side. And I don't know if it was the wild roars of the crowd or her touch as she wound her left arm around his waist that alerted Edward to Daniella's presence, but he looked down at her and smiled, the arm that wasn't holding my hand moving to encircle her waist. A photographer manifested in front of us, snapping an awkward photo of the three of us together, and in that moment I felt completely out of place, with one of Edward's hands in mine and the other around Daniella's waist.

"What are the two of you doing?" I hadn't even noticed Melinda move to my side. She bent close to me, whispering in my ear, though her words were anything but gentle. I looked up at her and she was smiling…always smiling for the red carpet, but the intensity of her gaze betrayed her. I shrugged nervously, trying my best to continue to smile so as not to cause a scene. Melinda leaned into me, her back facing those fans that were closest to us.

"Why don't you come with me?" Melinda suggested, and while this time her words weren't as harsh, they were authoritative. She meant business. I felt her fingers wrap securely around my forearm and tug gently in an attempt to lead me away. In that moment, Edward pulled me forward as he and Daniella moved up the red carpet. I hesitated, uncertain of what to do. Feeling my resistance, he looked over at me and when he saw Melinda his eyes narrowed and he shook his head slowly back and forth, very clearly issuing her a warning.

Two more camera flashes went off close-by and I tried to smile, knowing full well that I was being watched closely here too, but my eyes shut tight against the light. When I opened them again a half a second later, Edward and Melinda were still staring each other down. Edward held my hand in a death grip, while Melinda continued to hold fast to my arm.

"You need to keep moving forward, Edward," Melinda said, her voice cold and stern. Obviously she was referring to Edward and Daniella and not to me, but Edward wasn't going to back down.

"By all means," Edward countered coolly, tugging gently at my hand. And Melinda had no choice but to let go. If she didn't, she would cause a scene. And none of us, including Daniella who was glowering at the three of us over her shoulder, wanted that. So the three of us moved forward together in an awkward march, while Melinda followed close behind.

Edward and Daniella greeted fans together and I tried my best to smile, though my head now ached from the incessant screams of the fans. Standing so close to the barricades, it was almost impossible to hear yourself think. I glanced around myself at the chaos. Everywhere there were signs, pictures, banners being waved in Edward and Daniella's faces. Edward and Daniella both now furiously signed autographs, Edward having removed his arm from Daniella's waist in order to do so. I watched Daniella as she navigated the red carpet, moving with such fluidity and grace it made me feel ashamed. Even if I weren't completely mentally messed up, I didn't feel like I belonged there. I felt incredibly out of place.

Another flash and I closed my eyes again, picturing the sunrise, doing my best to breathe evenly. Even amidst all the chaos, Edward was keenly aware of me and while with one hand he signed autographs and shook hands, with the other he rubbed soothing circles into the side of my hand.

As we moved forward, a particularly eager woman who appeared to be in her mid thirties thrust a sign in Edward's face. Edward's eyes flickered to the sign for a moment and I heard him chuckle. I angled my head to read what it said.

**I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO TO MAKE YOU HOWL, EDWARD CULLEN**

Edward smirked, reaching forward to autograph the poster board just as Daniella sidled up to his side.

"Now Edward, you and I both know the only one that can make you howl is Sophia," she cooed suggestively, and the crowd went wild, hooting and hollering as Edward smiled broadly at her.

Daniella threw her head back in laughter, smirking at me behind Edward's back. And in that moment I reacted without thinking, discreetly pulling my hand from Edward's and sliding it down his back so that it rested possessively on his behind. I didn't leave it there for long; I didn't want to draw attention to it. I just wanted to remind Daniella who Edward belonged to - who Edward had chosen to escort down the red carpet. And I was fairly certain from the way that she glared at me that I'd achieved my objective. Unfortunately, Melinda wasn't amused by my overtly possessive display.

"Bella can you please keep your hands to yourself? Jesus Christ, this is a public relations nightmare. You don't honestly think I'm the only one who noticed that little exchange between you and Daniella, do you?" Melinda seethed into my ear and I cringed slightly at her words. Edward glanced nervously at both Melinda and me before moving forward to shake more hands and sign more autographs.

Meanwhile, Daniella remained plastered at Edward's other side. Melinda nudged me, moving the four of us further up the carpet as she continued to hover close by. Her close proximity was making me nervous, as if given a chance she might try to whisk me off without Edward noticing. It was obviously irritating Edward too as he turned once again to Melinda, staring at her intently, issuing her a stern but silent warning to back off. And Melinda was worried about my hand on Edward's ass? Really? Edward and Melinda's exchange, though silent, was anything but discreet.

"Edward, Edward oh God please, over here!" Edward's head snapped back towards his fans, towards where Daniella was leading him over to yet another group of rabid teen-aged girls. I followed along, smiling as brightly as possible as Edward bent forward to sign yet another autograph. I leaned forward with him, nearer to the fans, in order to remain a hold of his hand.

A flash went off mere inches from my face.

My reaction was instinctive. Startled by the magnificent light I jumped back, my left arm moving to shield my face.

Despite my best efforts, my body started to tremble. All of the camera flashes were wearing me down and it was becoming increasingly difficult for me to cope. For the first time that evening I was genuinely concerned about whether or not I would be able to make it to the end of the red carpet. Never mind the fact that people were staring at me with bewildered expressions on their faces. Melinda stared down at me too, obviously unsettled by my reaction, and I could tell by the way she was looking at me that she had no idea about my past.

Edward tugged gently at my hand, pulling me away from the crowds and towards the center of the carpet. Luckily, nobody seemed to pay us much attention, focusing instead on Daniella who was enjoying a moment in the limelight all to herself.

"Are you all right?" he whispered urgently, very obviously distressed by what had just happened. His brows pulled together tight in worry as he studied my face and his hand continued to rub soothing circles against mine. I swallowed hard, slowly nodding my head yes. I could do this. I needed to do this…for Edward. I needed to be strong and beat back the panic so that Edward wouldn't worry about me. He needed to focus on the premiere and his fans, not me.

"I'm fine." I smiled as convincingly as possible and pulled him back towards his screaming fans before he had a chance to say anything else. I didn't want to draw any more attention to us than I already had. Daniella immediately rejoined us and Melinda continued to hover by my side. Inwardly I rolled my eyes. We had to look ridiculous, the four of us navigating the carpet together. But then again, I wondered if anybody really noticed what was going on. The fans didn't seem to care about anything else other than Edward and Daniella…their beloved Alexander and Sophia, though I wasn't so certain this would be the case once we reached the area where the press was located just a few feet away.

Melinda lightly tapped Edward's shoulder, catching his attention and motioning her head towards where the various press outlets stood, waiting anxiously to interview him and Daniella. I swallowed hard in nervous anticipation, reminding myself that once we were through with the interviews that I would be escorted inside the theater while Edward posed for photos with the rest of the cast. I'd managed to survive thus far, and I was determined to make it through the interviews standing at Edward's side. But as we approached the first of the reporters, a photographer bent down on one knee in front of us, a giant flash attached to his camera. I stiffened in anticipation of what was to come, and saw out of the corner of my eye as Edward reacted, holding his hand out in front of the photographer and shaking his head no…but it was too late.

The photographer took the picture, the pop of the flash resonating in my ears as the white of the flash blinded me. And despite my best efforts to maintain control, it was my undoing. I felt myself go weak at the knees and felt as Edward released my hand and wound his arm around my waist, supporting me so that I didn't collapse to the ground. Melinda and Ronald were immediately at my side, surrounding me and gently pulling me from Edward's embrace, whispering urgent commands to Edward to let me go. They needed to remove me from the red carpet immediately so that we didn't cause any more of a scene than we already had. And this time I didn't struggle against Melinda's efforts to lead me away because I couldn't do it…I just couldn't do it anymore. It was wrong of me to have ever assumed that I could. I wasn't strong enough. I felt ashamed and weak as I looked up into Edward's eyes, though I was able to manage a weak smile for his benefit as Ronald led me away. Edward stared after me, deep regret and concern shadowing what should have been brilliant green eyes. And he made to follow after me, but I shook my head no.

Ronald led me by my arm past the remaining crowds towards the theater doors and I was grateful for his presence. I was shaking almost uncontrollably now but I doubted anybody but Ronald noticed. I wasn't the one everyone was here to see, after all. The object of their obsession, and mine as well, stood fifty feet away. I continued to feel his eyes on me as I walked further away and I wanted more than anything to look back at him, to meet his gaze and find comfort there. But even that wouldn't be enough to take the pain away, and I knew that it was best for him to complete his round of interviews and the photo call as quickly as possible. The sooner he did this, the sooner he could return to me.

Once we were inside the lobby of the theater, I abruptly pulled away from Ronald, issuing an urgent plea for a restroom. I didn't look up at him…I couldn't, for the tears were already threatening to spill over.

"It's down the hall and on your left," he called after me, but I was already gone, walking briskly down the elegant corridor, intent on only one thing - putting as much distance between myself and the hysteria of the premiere as possible. When I reached the restroom I pushed open the door, feeling it as my breath quickened and the wet and the warm slipped down either cheek. I prayed to God that there wasn't anybody else in there with me and for the first time that evening, my prayers were answered. I was alone. I hurried to the end of the room throwing open the door to the stall furthest from the entrance, and slumped to the floor. Drawing my knees to my chest, I rested my head down upon them and let go, releasing all of the pent up anxiety and tension from the day.

I sobbed shamelessly for a short while making no attempt whatsoever to hold anything back. It would have been impossible for me to do so anyway, as well as counterproductive. I knew that if I had any hopes of making it through the rest of the evening that I had to allow myself a moment to just let go and surrender myself to the sorrow and raw pain that encompassed me. I shook my head at myself, wondering how I could ever have been so naïve as to think I would be okay to walk the red carpet with Edward. I should have known better. And now I'd not only embarrassed the both of us but also let us both down. Edward had so desperately wanted me to stand by his side tonight and I'd failed miserably. In our first official public appearance together, I'd all but fallen apart.

The thought of this caused my tears to fall more freely as the utter hopelessness of mine and Edward's situation hit me like a Mack truck. This was Edward's life, and a part of his life we both so desperately wanted me to be a part of. But in that moment, try as I might, I just couldn't see how this could ever be. It couldn't. Not like this. It would never work. We'd have to find another way, but what way would that be? Would it mean that in order to avoid the photographers that I would simply have to avoid being seen with him? Would it mean that we'd have to go back to the way things were, hiding ourselves away in my apartment? We'd been unarguably happy that way, but I knew we couldn't exist like that forever. It was probably too late to turn back now anyway, now that we'd come out as a couple. And it wouldn't be fair to Edward if we did. He couldn't turn his back on who he was any more than I could. And that's what I would be asking him to do if I couldn't find a way to stand by his side.

A faint rapping at the bathroom door startled me, dragging me from my thoughts, pulling me back to the here and now and reminding me that I was still sitting on the bathroom floor, huddled against the wall.

"Bella? Bella are you okay? Is there anything I can get you?" Ronald called to me anxiously from the other side of the door. I inhaled deeply making sure to count to ten before exhaling slowly in a feeble attempt to center myself before speaking. I didn't want Ronald to know what a mess I was.

"I'm fine, Ronald," I answered him tentatively. "I'll be right out."

Ronald was quiet, but I knew he was waiting for me. I sighed, knowing I needed to make a decision as to what I was going to do, though in truth, there really was none to be made. For as much as I wanted to leave the premiere, saving Edward and myself any further embarrassment, I knew that wasn't the right decision to make. I needed to put my game face on and stick this thing out, standing where Edward wanted me, right by his side.

Besides, the hard part was over, I reasoned. I'd walked the red carpet…well most of it, anyway. I slowly brought myself to my feet and exited the stall, pausing for a moment to look at myself in the mirror. My hair was somewhat disheveled and I looked understandably worn out, but surprisingly my eye make-up hadn't smudged much and for that I was grateful. I pulled a small brush from my clutch, running it through my hair and smoothing it down my back before touching up my blush and lipstick. I gave myself a once over, deciding that I looked presentable before heading back out into the hall. Ronald met me there, worry etched into the lines of his face.

"Bella? Are you all right? What's going on?" Ronald's genuine concern for me was touching and it was obvious he had no idea what had happened. I didn't think now was the time to tell him.

"I'll be okay, Ronald," I whispered, reaching out to gently squeeze his arm. "Thank you for bringing me inside. The intensity of the red carpet was just a bit much for me. I'm not really used to this sort of thing." It wasn't a complete lie, I reasoned. I _wasn't_ used to this, and it was so much more overwhelming than I could have ever imagined. Ronald looked down at me sympathetically, nodding in understanding.

"It's madness, Bella, I know, and I'll never understand how he does it. I've guarded a lot of people in Hollywood, but I've never been a part of anything like this. It's total and complete hysteria. To tell you the truth, it scares me sometimes. I've never seen people so obsessed with one person. It's truly beyond anything I ever imagined when I signed on for this job. And I'll tell you this - Edward's a strong man to let it roll off his shoulders like he does. I don't think I could do it."

I nodded in agreement because Ronald was right. Everything about Edward's life _was_ madness. But I knew that while he put on a good act, that he didn't just let everything roll off his shoulders as Ronald suggested. Indeed, I was certain it was scarier to him than it was to any of us, but I understood what Ronald was trying to say and appreciated that he was just as concerned about Edward's emotional well being as he was with his physical safety. Ronald was more than a bodyguard to Edward, he was a friend and I was grateful for that. I reached out and squeezed his hand in thanks before letting go. Ronald continued to study me anxiously for a moment before speaking.

"I hate to leave you, but I really need to get back out there, Bella. Are you sure there isn't anything I can get you before I go? Some water, maybe?"

I smiled up at Ronald, not wanting him to feel anxious about leaving me. "No thank you Ronald, I'm fine. Get back to Edward now and tell him I'm okay. I'm sure he's worried and I don't want him to be." Ronald nodded, taking gentle hold of my arm and leading me back down the corridor toward the entrance of the theater where several ushers now stood, ready to greet and help seat people as they entered the theater. Ronald introduced me to an usher named Jack, explaining to him who I was before disappearing through the doors of the theater back out into the still screaming crowd.

"Ma'am, would you care to follow me?" Jack asked as he offered me his arm. "Mr. Cullen's agent said he would prefer to sit towards the back of the theater. Is there any row in particular that interests you?"

I smiled lightly as I remembered Edward telling me once that he liked to sit towards the back of the theater when attending his own films. He did this in case he wanted to slip out unnoticed. He really didn't enjoy watching himself onscreen.

"How about here?" I asked, stopping in my tracks.

"The last row?" Jack looked at me curiously and I nodded my head. I knew Edward would be pleased, and I didn't trust that I wouldn't need to make a hasty exit myself. I was feeling better now but knew that my steely resolve could be broken at any time. I appreciated having the option to slip out too, if need be. Jack shrugged, releasing my arm from his as I slipped into the first seat. I smiled at him in appreciation before he headed back out into the lobby.

After Jack left I settled into my seat, grateful to be alone. I really needed to pull myself together before Edward and the others started trickling into the theater. I noticed that I was still shaking slightly and took a deep breath in an attempt to steady my nerves. It worked. As I sank further back into my seat I concentrated hard on my breathing and gradually I began to relax. And as I did so, I started thinking back over the events of the day. It had been a long and emotionally exhausting day and it wasn't over yet. I shuddered at the thought of facing Melinda and Daniella at the after party. I was worried there would be a confrontation of some sort and wasn't sure I had the strength to deal with either one of them if there was, but especially not Daniella.

I sighed heavily as I thought of Daniella, thinking to myself that after this evening was over I would definitely have to speak with Edward about her. I'd been determined to speak with Edward about what had happened earlier in the day, but had thought better of it once I'd arrived back at the hotel because I hadn't wanted to stress Edward out anymore than he already was. And I was grateful I'd made the decision that I had as he and I had been blindsided by Melinda when she'd announced that we couldn't walk the red carpet together. That news had come as a complete shock to the both of us, and it had been so difficult for me to watch Edward come undone as a result of it. He'd been angered and deeply hurt by the news, and though I'd been too, I knew there was no sense arguing with Melinda. She was determined that we wouldn't walk the red carpet together and I knew that if I didn't make Edward believe that I was okay with this decision that he would continue to fight with Melinda. Of course, Edward had decided to take matters into his own hands and now here I sat, alone in the theater after having walked the red carpet – the travesty that it was, waiting anxiously for him to come and sit by my side so that I could know some sense of peace in this whole stressful evening.

"Bella?" I looked up to the sound of my name being called from close by, exhaling a breath I didn't even realize I was holding as I watched Edward hurry toward me. "Oh my God Bella, are you all right? I've been so worried!" He whispered urgently once he'd made it to my side. I looked up at him and into his anxious eyes and immediately reached out and grazed my fingertips along the length of his arm in an attempt to alleviate his anxiety.

"I'm fine, baby," I assured him as convincingly as I could. I was much more settled now, but I still wasn't completely at ease and knew I wouldn't be until this evening was over. I'd made it through the hard part, though. That's what I kept telling myself anyway.

"Edward!" Adriana Hernandez, who starred as Sophia's mother in the film, appeared at Edward's side then, pulling him into a warm embrace. "It's so good to see you! It's absolutely nuts out there, isn't it?" She asked, her eyes darting briefly in my direction before returning to look at Edward.

"It is," he agreed distractedly. Edward was still staring at me. He obviously hadn't believed what I'd told him moments before.

"_I'm okay…promise_," I mouthed the words at him and he nodded. I glanced briefly at Adriana then back to Edward, clearing my throat in an attempt to remind Edward she was still there. He shook his head, turning his attention back to her.

"Adriana," he said, "I'd like you to meet my girlfriend. This is Bella."

I swallowed hard, trying hard to disguise my delight in hearing Edward say those words. In our entire time together, this was the first occasion he'd had to introduce me as his girlfriend, and despite my somber mood I couldn't help but smile. Adriana, obviously not aware of our relationship, turned to me, doing her best to hide her surprise. I realized belatedly that I was still sitting and immediately stood to greet her.

"Hello," I said quietly.

"So nice to meet you," Adriana said, her voice kind and genuine, pulling me toward her to press her cheek to mine and kissing me in greeting. She smiled warmly at me before turning back towards Edward.

"So where's Daniella? And why on earth are you sitting all the way back here?" She asked innocently, laughing lightly at our choice of seats. Edward flashed one of his gorgeous crooked grins in that moment, ducking his head down.

"Easy getaway," he mumbled sheepishly before bringing his face back up to meet Adriana's gaze and joining her in her laughter.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Edward, you should be proud of yourself," Adriana said as she reached for his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You've done such a fabulous job with this film and I'm sure everybody else will be hard-pressed not to agree." Edward smiled back, seeming to be genuinely appreciative of her praise.

"And what did you say about Daniella?" Adriana added but Edward just shook his head.

"I didn't…and I'm not sure. I think she's planning on sitting with some of the others towards the front. I'll stay in the back here with Bella." Adriana nodded, her eyes flitting to mine one last time before she politely excused herself and headed towards the front of the theater. Edward moved to sit by my side then, in the seat closest to the aisle so that he could still easily converse with passers-by.

"I'm so sorry about before, Bella," Edward leaned into me and whispered urgently in my ear once he'd taken his seat. I looked up at him, into a face etched with such remorse it caused my breath to hitch in my throat.

"I'm okay now that you're here," I whispered back honestly before adding quietly "can I hold your hand?" I wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not, but I wanted…needed to be closer to him.

"Of course," he answered me in a rush, looking almost pained at the fact I'd even had to ask. He grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly and bringing it to his mouth where he kissed it softly before placing both our hands in his lap. He bent to place a gentle kiss to my lips then.

"I was an idiot," he murmured against my mouth as he pulled away too soon from our kiss. "I should have known it would be too much for you. Christ, it's too much for me, but I thought that if I was with you it would be enough. It was a foolish assumption and I'm just so sorry you had to be put through that, baby," he berated himself and I immediately reached out with my free hand to tenderly stroke his cheek, forgetting where we were for the moment.

"Edward, don't. Please don't blame yourself. I should have known better, too. I just wanted so desperately to be there for you like you always are for me."

"Me too, baby," he said, capturing my hand in his and continuing to hold it to his face. "I just wanted for you to be there with me, too." And in that moment, as we stared into each other's eyes, our faces inches apart, it was as if we were the only ones in the theater. "God is it wrong for me to be grateful that you were there, even with how difficult it was for you? Because I am, Bella. You've no idea what it meant to me to have you by my side out there tonight." I moved my hand from Edward's face then, resting it on his thigh.

"It's not wrong," I answered him honestly. "You _needing_ me gave me the strength I needed to at least try to make it through." Edward sighed, and in that moment I looked up only to notice Melinda standing a few rows over. She was talking with a small group of people, but her attention was focused mainly on Edward and me, the two of us huddled together alone in our own row in the back of the theater. I groaned.

"What is it, love?" Edward asked anxiously looking up and scanning the theater until he saw Melinda. She narrowed her eyes at us and Edward looked away.

"She's really angry," I commented and Edward nodded.

"She pulled me aside before the photo call and really laid into me. We'd be wise to try and avoid her this evening. She's going to be on the warpath." I was suddenly very cognizant of just how close Edward and I were. We were leaning into each other, whispering quietly, our shoulders touching and our clasped hands resting in his lap. I pulled away from him slightly, slipping my hand out of his and into my own lap. Edward looked at my quizzically.

"Perhaps we should try to be a bit more discreet," I suggested, wondering if this was what was causing Melinda to stare and not wanting to cause any more trouble than we already had. But Edward wouldn't hear of it. He grabbed my hand back and with his other hand, turned my face to his.

"No. I told you and Melinda both already, I don't care. I thought maybe that would be clear after I dragged you out of the limo with me." And he raised his eyebrows at me, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Besides, the issue isn't with you and me being together, it's with what exactly my promotional obligations are."

"Precisely, Edward, and I'm sure you'd agree it would look better if we at least tried to look interested in watching this film instead of watching each other." Edward smiled then, leaning into to whisper in my ear.

"You can watch the film if you'd like love, but I'm telling you right now the only thing I'll be watching is you. And all I'll be thinking about is getting us back to the hotel as soon as is humanly possible and making such passionate love to you that we'll both forget everything else about this miserable night but losing ourselves in each other." And with that, Edward bent in and swept my hair to the side, kissing me softly in the hollow below my ear. And I couldn't help it. I snuck a peek at Melinda who was frowning and shaking her head at us.

A few minutes later, the lights in the theater dimmed and as the film began, Edward looked over at me and we shared a quiet moment where we just looked at each other. It was an oddly intimate moment given our surroundings, but one in which I think spoke volumes as to how we each felt. I knew that Edward was grateful that I was there by his side to support him, despite the events of the evening, and I in turn was grateful that he loved me enough to stand by me and to fight for us, no matter the difficulties we encountered. I was certain that in that moment, despite everything, there was no other place either one of us wanted to be. Edward wanted to be where I was, and I wanted the same. Edward smiled contentedly at me before glancing somewhat nervously toward the movie screen.

"This is the worst part, you know. Having to sit in a crowded theater and watch yourself on screen," he whispered to me. I noticed that his right leg had started to vibrate and I looked down to the floor to where he was now frenetically tapping his foot. I reached out and covered his hand with mine, moving our joined hands to his leg and stilling his movements. Reaching down with my thumb I began rubbing soothing circles beside his knee. He smiled appreciatively at me, visibly relaxing at my touch, and we watched the rest of the film together in silence, just like that.

Two hours later the credits rolled and I squeezed Edward's hand, looking up at him in wonder. His performance in the film was stellar, and I couldn't imagine why he'd been so nervous about the premiere. I leaned into him, briefly brushing my lips against his before trailing my fingers down his cheek.

"You were fantastic, baby," I murmured, and his eyes fell in embarrassment at my remark.

"Well, you sort of have to say that, don't you," he muttered, obviously uncomfortable with my praise, and I chuckled softly.

"No baby, I don't have to say anything. And believe me, if your performance had been shit I would have said so." And with that, I grinned widely at him, my eyes shining playfully as I teased him. Edward gawked at me in mock surprise before breaking out in a hearty guffaw and for the first time that evening I felt truly relaxed. It was incredible what the simple sound of his laughter could do to my soul.

After spending some time accepting congratulatory praise and mingling with the guests inside the theater, Melinda appeared at our side to inform us that Daniella and the other members of the cast were waiting out front in a limousine that would carry us all to the after party. I immediately tensed, worried not only about facing more photographers but also with having to spend time in a small enclosed space with Daniella. This did not appeal to me in the slightest, but at least I wouldn't be alone. Sensing my anxiety, Edward dismissed Melinda curtly, telling her we'd see her out front in a few minutes. Melinda hesitated for a moment, appearing as if she wanted to say something more, but thought better of it and stalked off. Yes…it was quite evident now that she was less than thrilled with both me and Edward.

"Are you okay with being picked up out front or would you prefer to have the driver pick us up out back? Either way is fine with me," Edward said as he looked down at me.

I looked up at him knowing that I really didn't want to confront the crowds of people and photographers that were likely to still be out there. However, I'd managed to survive close to fifteen minutes on the red carpet earlier and there was no reason I couldn't handle a quick dash to the limo now. I didn't want to hide.

"Let's exit at the front of the theater. I'll be fine, okay?" Edward didn't look so convinced, but he slipped his arm around my waist nonetheless, holding me close to his side as we moved out into the lobby of the theater and exited through the front doors.

Predictably, screams erupted the moment that Edward appeared. Being the gentlemen that he was, he smiled broadly and waved to his fans but made no move to stop and sign autographs. It was very clear we were headed straight for the limo and that Edward wasn't inclined to stop. Still, when a particularly aggressive reporter stepped in front of Edward and me, he graciously agreed to answer a few questions, releasing me from his hold and nodding at me to continue on into the limo without him. I was grateful not to have to linger while he answered the woman's questions and breathed a sigh of relief once I'd slipped safely inside the limo. Then I turned to face the person sitting beside me.

"Look who's here!" Daniella gushed and I sighed in frustration, wondering if I was the only one who could see through her façade. I turned to her and smiled politely before waving shyly at the others.

There were six of us in total, and other than Adriana, who smiled warmly at me in greeting, I hadn't yet been formally introduced to the other cast members. I sat there somewhat awkwardly for a moment wondering if these people even realized who I was when Adriana cleared her throat and introduced me as Edward's girlfriend. A profound silence fell upon the interior of the limo then and I felt Daniella shift uncomfortably in her seat beside me at the same moment in time several sets of eyes, including Adriana's, flickered her way. Two things were obvious to me in that moment, the first being that Edward had not shared with anyone other than Daniella the fact that we were together and the second being that there were others that knew of Daniella's feelings for him.

Moments passed and the shock of Adriana's announcement faded. Everybody continued on with their own private conversations then, paying me very little attention. I sat and stared out the window at Edward who was talking with another member of the press now and was so lost in thought that I barely noticed when Daniella leaned into me, speaking quietly in hushed tones so that nobody else in the limo could hear.

"That was quite some performance you put on this evening, Bella. As a performer yourself, I would have thought you would have handled being in the limelight with a bit more grace but you rather looked like a stunned animal tonight, didn't you? And heavens, when you nearly fainted I don't think any of us knew what to think. You're going to have to step up your game if you intend to try and keep hold of Edward. You wouldn't want to embarrass him on the red carpet again, now would you?"

I cringed at Daniella's words though they only confirmed what I already knew to be true. My behavior, though out of my control, had been embarrassing tonight and I couldn't let anything like that happen again.

"Not much to say about that, Bella, hmm?" Daniella goaded me softly again, and this time I couldn't keep quiet. I'd kept quiet all day, doing my best to be the better person and to ignore the ridiculous comments that spewed forth from her mouth. But by keeping quiet I realized I was making myself appear weak, and she had to know I wasn't going to be intimidated by her. So I turned to Daniella and keeping as quiet as possible so as not to draw undue attention to ourselves, told her exactly what I thought of her and her manipulative ways.

"Daniella I don't know what in the hell your problem is but from what I can gather you have some sort of unrequited crush on Edward. And I'm sorry if you've been hurt because Edward fell in love with somebody else…but let me be very clear, that somebody is me. Edward and I are in love and nothing you can do or say to either one of us is going to change that fact. You're a _friend_ to Edward, Daniella, a good friend - but nothing more. Edward is in love with me. So if I was you, I would just give up this ridiculous charade of pretending to like me and focus instead on not throwing away your relationship with a wonderful man who, for some unfathomable reason, thinks very highly of you and cares very deeply for you as a friend. Because that's what you're doing, Daniella; when you act the way you have towards me today you're throwing your relationship with Edward away."

Daniella stared at me with a blank expression on her face the entire time that I spoke. And when I finished she remained silent, appearing to assess me anew now that I'd finally stood up to her and told her exactly how I felt. I cast a glance at the others in the limo, wondering if maybe someone had overhead our conversation, but if anybody had it wasn't immediately obvious. I turned back to Daniella and thought I saw a glimmer of something flit across her face. But what was it? Anger? Remorse? I couldn't be sure, and as quickly as it was there, it was gone. And then Edward opened the door, stepping in after Melinda and taking a seat by my side. Daniella stared at me for only a short moment more before turning away to stare out the window. She remained quiet for the rest of the ride.

By the time we arrived at the after-party, being held at Circa 55 at the Beverly Hilton, it was after nine and I was thoroughly exhausted. One look at Edward told me he was too, but I knew he needed to spend some time mingling with studio executives and other such "important" people before we'd be able to leave. Edward and I were the first to exit the limo and he pulled me quickly past all the fans and reporters, acknowledging nobody as he ushered me straight into the hotel. I was grateful for this and once we were safely ensconced inside, I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly in thanks. He responded in kind, winding his arms around my waist and kissing me back languidly before pulling away and gazing lovingly into my eyes. It was little moments such as these, when I felt his concern for my well being above and beyond his concern for anything else that I was overwhelmed by just how much I loved him.

"Shall we do this?" I asked, taking his hand and pulling him forward and he nodded, gripping my hand firmly in his.

When we reached the restaurant, the party was already in full swing with most of the attendants having arrived much earlier. Edward asked if he could get me anything to drink and I shook my head no before he headed off in search of something to drink for himself. I stood off to the side, really wanting to avoid having to speak unnecessarily to anybody and wondered if it would be highly inappropriate for me to slip away for a moment to call Alice.

I missed Alice. We'd been playing phone tag for the last two days and I hadn't yet spoken to her about my Thanksgiving with Edward or my dreadful day at the salon with Daniella, not to mention the disaster that was my walk on the red carpet. I glanced over to the bar, to where Edward now stood with a beer in hand talking to an older man I didn't recognize. Edward must have felt me looking at him, because he turned to me in that moment, gazing apologetically in my direction but I waved him off. I didn't want him to feel he needed to stay by my side the entire time we were there, even though he had promised me he'd do as much. I, of course, could have chosen to join him at the bar but decided instead that I would try to call Alice. She could keep me company while Edward fulfilled his "promotional" duties.

I reached into my clutch and withdrew my phone and was just about to dial Alice when Melinda approached me from the side.

"Bella," Melinda greeted me quietly and I groaned, furiously hoping she hadn't waited until I was alone to pounce on me and berate me for what had happened earlier on the red carpet. Instead she surprised me when she offered me an apology.

"Look, I'm sorry about everything that's happened Bella. I know this entire evening has been somewhat uncomfortable for you and I apologize for that." I stood completely still, staring blankly at Melinda. I had been caught completely off guard by her apology and was, quite honestly, having trouble believing she was genuine. She couldn't possibly be sorry. She was angry with me and Edward; I knew that for a fact. And whether it was a result of sheer exhaustion or the fact that I was entirely fed up with having to question everybody's motives I snapped, telling Melinda, as I'd told Daniella earlier, exactly what I thought.

"Oh please, Melinda. Can we just stop pretending here? I mean honestly, Edward isn't around, so there's no sense in trying to make nice with me. I understand exactly how you feel about me and where you stand. You made that perfectly clear when you called me from Paris." I hadn't intended to bring up her notorious phone call, but while we were at it I figured we may as well put everything out there…lay it all on the line. Melinda flinched at my words and if I wasn't mistaken even appeared somewhat remorseful. But it wasn't enough for me. Not now, not after what she'd put Edward and me through today.

"Bella, about that…I'm sorry…"

"Save it Melinda," I spat, not caring to listen to empty apologies. "I don't believe you. I don't believe you or Daniella for that matter and what I'm having an even harder time believing is how Edward can surround himself with people like you!" I was shouting now, though only to make myself heard over the din of the crowd, and holding nothing back.

"Bella I know you're angry, and you have every right to be…" Melinda tried to interject, but I wasn't finished.

"You're damn right I do, Melinda. Jesus Christ, Edward and I are in love. We just want to be with each other, yet you…his godmother nonetheless, are calling me up and telling me I'm no good for him, accusing me of being interested in nothing more than fame and then advising me to leave him! How messed up is that, Melinda?"

"I was worried for him, Bella!" Melinda finally got a word in edgewise and her face was so panic stricken and earnest that I backed down, deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt and to let her speak.

"Edward wants to see the best in people, Bella," Melinda hurriedly explained, "and sometimes he has a difficult time seeing people for what they're really worth. I'm not sure what you know of Edward's past and it's not my place to speak with you about it, but I feel it's my responsibility to look out for him to make sure he doesn't make any reckless decisions and stays on track with his career. I'm doing this because this is what he's asked of me, Bella, not because I'm trying to exert some sort of fanatical control over his life." I raised my eyes at Melinda, immediately skeptical of what she'd said.

"And what about what's best for him personally?" I challenged, wanting to know exactly where her priorities lay. Was she more interested in what was best for Edward's career or in what was best for him?

"I care about Edward very much Bella and I don't want to see him hurt," she murmured softly, almost as if in defeat. And I wanted to believe her, wanted so badly to believe she truly had Edward's best interest at heart, but it was difficult for me given the events of the day.

"Tell me something, Melinda," I said after a moment, staring her straight in the eye and issuing her a silent challenge to come clean with me. "Don't you think your little maneuver today did just that? Melinda cocked her head to the side, appearing genuinely bewildered by what I'd just said.

"What are you talking about Bella?" She asked, and I wondered for a moment if there was any chance at all I'd been wrong in my assumption that Melinda had told the studio that Edward would be escorting me to the premiere. But I knew that there wasn't. Melinda was the only person other than Edward that knew that I'd be walking the red carpet. And I was set on calling her bluff.

"Oh come on, Melinda. You mean to tell me you didn't have anything to do with the studio's decision to tell Edward to escort Daniella down the red carpet? How in the hell did the studio even know I was going to attend the premiere? I seriously doubt Edward told them." Melinda stared at me for a moment as she slowly processed what I was saying, and then shock, followed by sad resignation at my words registered on her face.

"You're wrong, Bella," she said quietly, shaking her head ever so slightly back and forth, and my breath hitched in my throat as I realized she was being sincere.

"I have no idea how they found out, but it wasn't from me. On the contrary, I went to bat for you and Edward - I really did. But they approached me with the matter at the last minute and upon reviewing his contract I saw that there was indeed a specific clause outlining his promotional obligations including interviews, photo sessions and _joint_ cast appearances. I read the clause Bella, and while there wasn't time to have our lawyers look it over to determine its exact conditions, the fact of the matter is their argument _was_ plausible. Believe me when I tell you I didn't agree with what they were asking, but I didn't have much choice other than to comply with their wishes. It wasn't worth stirring the pot, which Edward did anyway despite my warnings and I'm already catching hell for it," she muttered.

I stood, staring at Melinda completely dumbfounded by what she'd just said and wondering to myself if she hadn't been the one to tell the studio of Edward's plans, then who had? My breath once again caught in my throat as it suddenly hit me.

"There was one other person who knew that I was going to attend the premiere with Edward, Melinda," I whispered, and she looked at me curiously.

"Who?" She asked quietly.

"Daniella," I whispered softly, and this caught her attention. She narrowed her eyes at me then, pulling me further into a corner so that she could be sure we were speaking in private.

"Bella," she said, her face set in a stern stare. "Why on earth would she do that?" She asked, appearing skeptical that Daniella could have been the one to betray Edward. I shrugged my shoulders.

"To cause trouble for Edward and me I guess," I said before adding, "Daniella has made it known, in no uncertain terms, that she wants Edward." Melinda simply nodded, as if this were a fact known to everyone.

"Of course she does."

"You knew?" I gasped.

"It's obvious, Bella."

"Well Edward seems to be fairly clueless," I said in retort and she just shrugged.

"I think all of us thought it was just a harmless crush, so I never thought to say anything to him about it. I figured it was her place to do that, not mine." And I couldn't help it, I rolled my eyes.

"Really Melinda, you call me in the middle of the night to warn me away from Edward yet you allow Daniella to crush on him and never say anything about it?"

"There's a difference Bella," Melinda said very sternly.

"And what is that?" I asked, curious as to how she would justify her double standard.

"I could see how strongly Edward felt for you and I knew he could never feel that way about her. She wasn't a threat, but you were." I swallowed hard at her words, but took solace in her use of the past tense.

"I _was_ a threat?" I asked nervously, and Melinda relaxed some.

"Yes, Bella, _was_. I don't see you like that anymore," she said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"So do you believe me then?" I asked quietly, and Melinda sighed, obviously struggling to come to terms with the fact that Daniella could be so vindictive.

"I don't know, Bella, it's hard for me to see her that way, but I guess it makes sense…"

"Melinda, believe me when I say I wish it weren't true, but think about it, nobody else knew. And Daniella has been nothing but awful to me since I arrived. She was particularly brutal at the spa," I said, reaching up to wipe at the angry tears that threatened to spill forth when I thought of how she'd treated me.

"What happened at the spa?" Melinda asked curiously. "Daniella told me and Edward the two of you had a lovely time." I scoffed at Melinda's remarks.

"Suffice to say I didn't," I said, and Melinda studied me intently before nodding slowly in understanding. Just then, Edward approached with none other than Daniella at his side. Melinda and I cast a wary glance in each other's direction before turning to face them.

"Let me handle this Bella, all right?" She whispered quietly and I nodded nervously, uncertain of what she had planned but wanting more than anything to bring some sort of resolution to this matter.

"Hey love, everything okay?" Edward asked as he walked to my side and placed a protective arm around my waist. He bent to kiss my neck, and as he did so he glared at Melinda. Little did he know she wasn't the one deserving of his wrath, rather it was the wolf in sheep's clothing that stood innocently by that did.

"I'm fine, baby. Melinda and I were just having a little chat." Melinda smirked at me before turning her attention to Daniella.

"Daniella, Bella was just telling me about your day at the spa." Melinda smiled sweetly at Daniella and she smiled back.

"Oh it was marvelous. We had a fantastic time getting to know one another." I did my best not to roll my eyes at her but the lies were just so ridiculous that I couldn't help myself. Edward noticed, and looked down at me quizzically.

"Bella? Bella, love, what's going on?"

"That's not what Bella says," Melinda challenged coolly, and Edward and I both froze in place. Melinda stood planted firmly at my side as Daniella's jaw tensed and her eyes narrowed.

"And what exactly did Bella say?" Daniella asked very carefully, and Edward looked between Daniella and Melinda and then to me, obviously at a complete loss for what was going on.

"What in the hell is going on here?" Edward asked exasperatedly as Melinda and Daniella stared each other down. And in that moment I wished more than anything that there were some other way for this to go down because Edward was inevitably going to be hurt and he'd done nothing to deserve that.

"Yes, Daniella," Melinda taunted, "why don't you tell Edward exactly what is going on here. I think he might be interested to know how you feel about Bella, or more importantly how you feel about him. I think he might also like to know exactly why you told the studio he planned on walking the red carpet with Bella." If it was possible, Daniella's olive toned skin blanched in fury before flushing crimson in embarrassment. Edward stiffened at my side, his mouth agape as he stared incredulously at Daniella.

"What is Melinda talking about?" He asked, and my heart constricted in my chest as he very quickly deduced that Daniella, a woman he considered to be his close friend and confidant, was not who he thought she was. Melinda and I stood quietly by as Edward withdrew his arm from my waist and stepped forward, his brows twisted up in disbelief. I looked to Daniella whose eyes had narrowed and were flitting wildly between Melinda and me before finally settling on Edward. And though I couldn't be sure, I thought I saw a trace of regret in them. It was too late for that now, though.

"Daniella?" Edward quietly prompted her, his eyes pleading with her to explain. Daniella's eyes momentarily shut as she regarded him and when they opened once again, they were filled with a steely resolve.

"I've been in love with you ever since I've known you, Edward."

Edward inhaled sharply, visibly stunned by her admission and an awkward silence descended upon us despite the noise of the party that surrounded us.

"I was waiting to tell you until I thought that you returned the feelings," she continued slowly, quietly, "but I can see now I would have been better off admitting how I felt for you from the start." Daniella fell silent then, hanging her head in what appeared to be defeat and for a moment I almost felt sorry for her. I couldn't fault her for falling in love with Edward. He was an incredible man. But I _could_ fault her for the way she'd conducted herself and for refusing to bow out gracefully when it was obvious that Edward was in love with somebody else, that somebody being me.

"Daniella…I…" Edward struggled to say something, anything, but Daniella held her hand up to stop him. Very slowly she lifted her head, and I saw it…the slight change in her posture as her jaw tightened and her body tensed, and in one quick moment she effectively transformed from a defeated woman into a defiant one.

"What I don't understand Edward," she began coolly, "is why her? Why this girl?" She asked, not even bothering to call me by my name and instead waving disinterestedly in my direction. "She's so… ordinary." I bristled at her words and Edward's face hardened.

"That's enough, Daniella," he said sternly, but she ignored him, continuing to speak.

"Oh come on Edward, you mean to tell me you think she ever has any hopes of fitting into our world? I mean let's be completely honest with ourselves. How many people within our circle are ever able to make a relationship with an outsider work?"

I cringed at her use of the word "outsider" because whether she'd intentionally used the word to hurt me or not, that's exactly how I felt here…like an outsider. And her other words were in fact an echo of my own fears. Would I ever really fit into Edward's world? I'd tried tonight, and the results had been disastrous.

"Whether you like it or not we're different Edward. And people like us do better when we stick together. But it's more than that, Edward. I truly believe we could be good for one another. You're already the only one I confide in and you've always been the one I want to share the good…and the bad times with. I know you feel similarly. Maybe it's not love, maybe not yet, but it could be. And I don't mind waiting." Daniella's words left no question as to where she stood and I shifted uncomfortably on my feet casting a glance up at Edward. His eyes were closed and his face was drawn tight in what looked to be regret. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes and speaking.

"Daniella I don't feel that way about you. I never have, and I never will. I'm sorry I didn't realize earlier how you felt. I should have paid more attention and seen that you felt differently for me than I did for you. And I am deeply apologetic for any pain my ignorance may have caused. But none of this changes that fact that I'm with Bella. I love Bella. And I've been completely honest with you about that from the beginning." I looked up at Edward as he finished speaking, longing to reach out and touch him and comfort him when he was so obviously deeply pained and conflicted by what was happening.

"You're a fool Edward. It will never work," Daniella spat, her eyes narrowing at the both of us as she spoke. "Just look at what happened tonight!" She scoffed, leveling her eyes at me in disgust. "She practically fell apart on the red carpet and it was an embarrassment to us all!" Edward hissed, and I bristled at this comment and in that moment Edward morphed from a sympathetic friend to Daniella into an angry protector of me.

"That's enough, Daniella. I won't tolerate you being disrespectful of Bella. I understand that you're angry and hurt, but you've brought this on yourself. You should have been honest with me about how you felt."

"Would it have changed anything?" She challenged and he answered her quickly with a resounding "no."

"But it might have saved us from causing a scene at the after-party for the premiere of our film," he added more quietly now and I could tell he was aware that people were staring at us now. To her credit, Melinda just stood by, never once moving to interrupt.

"Oh please, Edward. You mean to tell me you really care about what people think? That's obviously not the case seeing as that you elected to escort _her_ down the red carpet despite being told otherwise by the studio."

"Whom I choose to accompany me to the premiere of my own film is my decision Daniella, not yours, not anybody else's."

"You have promotional obligations to fulfill Edward, lest you forget."

"And I've fulfilled them!" He roared, very quickly losing patience with Daniella. Melinda and I both winced and Melinda stepped forward now, placing her hand on Edward's arm.

"Edward, perhaps we should take this someplace else," she whispered but Edward just shook his head.

"That won't be necessary, Melinda. I think we're done here," he said bitterly, and without even affording Daniella a final glance he reached back for my hand, clasping it tightly in his own before pulling us towards the door.


	21. Confessions

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks to everyone who is reading and also taking the time to review this story. I really enjoy hearing your thoughts and opinions. Like any author, I'm nervous about getting the story right. I know I can't please everybody, but if I'm doing something right or wrong, please let me know! And everyone who is adding the story to their favorite's or story alert list, thank you and please take a moment to review, too! Thank you so much!

Thank you, **skyeblue0610 **for helping me fine tune each chapter and for "holding my hand" through this process, lol. Writing this story is more nerve-wracking than I anticipated in the beginning and I appreciate your critical input.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** who included me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Thanks to **vohangilalao** for helping me with my French in this chapter.

This chapter will be broken into two POVs. This is the first time I've done this, but I think it will be necessary to do this for the next several chapters. I apologize in advance to those who have grown used to a single POV for each chapter.

Warning: There is sexual content in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 21: Confessions**

**EPOV**

I opened the door to the hotel room, trying my best to be as quiet as possible in case Bella had decided to go to bed. She'd told me that she would wait up for me, but that had been close to two hours ago. I saw that all the lights in the living room were off and it appeared as if they were off in the bedroom too, and I sighed. I supposed if I were being honest with myself that was for the better. Even after two hours of tossing back scotch at the bar in the restaurant downstairs, I still hadn't come any closer to figuring out how in the fuck this evening had turned into the three ring circus that it had. I yawned heavily, tossing my suit jacket onto the couch and kicking off my shoes before I trudged towards the bedroom. It had been a long fucking day and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

I didn't bother taking off my shirt or my pants as I turned back the covers on the bed and slipped in beside Bella. I was so tired I couldn't even think about the fact that Bella lay nearly naked beneath the sheets, clad only in black lace underwear and a matching camisole top. I scooted my body closer to hers, gravitating towards her warmth and her smell and yearning to just bury my face in her endless mahogany locks and fall into a deep, deep sleep. I reached my arms out and pulled her towards me, bringing her back tight against my chest. She whimpered a little, but thankfully remained asleep. She'd had an even longer day than I had I reasoned, and she needed to sleep. As I pushed my left leg between her thighs winding my leg around hers, I reached out with my hand and stroked the length of her hair. It was then that I noticed it was damp. My head shot up in the dark and I reached over her with my left hand to where her head had just lain on the pillow beside her, and sure enough, the pillow was damp too. Bella had been crying.

Fuck.

I instantly regretted having left her alone. What kind of an asshole would do that to his girlfriend, especially considering everything that had happened this evening. But it wasn't as if I hadn't asked her to join me - she'd just declined, saying she preferred to play music for awhile before going to bed. I wondered now if she'd even touched her cello, instead just falling into bed and crying herself to sleep. I pulled her closer to me, as if that could make up for my absence over the last two hours, but I hoped that somewhere…even in her sleep…she knew I was here by her side and that I fucking loved her. I'd just needed some time to try and sort things through.

Bella and I had left the after party immediately after Daniella had admitted to being in love with me. We'd ridden in silence on the way back to the hotel with Bella occasionally casting concerned, furtive glances in my direction. I knew she was worried about me and she asked me if I wanted to talk about it, but I told her no because I needed to try and wrap my head around what had happened before I could try and discuss it with her. I hoped she understood, and I thought she did because she'd kept hold of my hand in her lap, rubbing soothing circles in it while I stewed in silence beside her. Once we reached the hotel I'd decided I wasn't ready to go up the room. I knew that if we did things would be intense, and I just wasn't prepared for that. I didn't know what to think about everything that had happened, let alone what to say about it. I mean fuck, what do you say to your girlfriend when a woman who was supposedly your best friend suddenly declares her love for you in the middle of the after party for the premiere of your film?

My head was spinning, and whether it was from the scotch or from everything that had happened that evening I wasn't sure. Laying there in bed I felt hurt and betrayed by Daniella, but most of all I felt guilty because looking back on everything, it all made sense. From the moment we'd first met, Daniella and I had shared a connection with each other. There was an easy camaraderie there. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to her too, because I was.

She was bold, beautiful and confident, and that appealed to me, but not in the romantic sense. Instead, I simply enjoyed her company - enjoyed finding someone I could hang out with, laugh with and more importantly that could understand what it felt like to become wildly famous almost overnight. Her friendship was comforting and welcomed and we'd spent a lot of time together, her quickly becoming my closest friend. So I didn't question it when after knowing one another for awhile she'd sometimes lay her head on my shoulder when we were watching a movie together. And I didn't question it when she'd unexpectedly slip her arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. To me these gestures were simply an affirmation of what we felt for each other as friends. And they felt nice.

Of course, it had obviously meant more to her, and I berated myself for not realizing this sooner. And as I lay there in bed considering all of this, my stomach suddenly twisted in a knot and overcome with nausea I wrenched myself away from Bella, running into the bathroom and falling to my knees before vomiting into the toilet. For the first time ever, I considered the possibility that maybe I _had_ realized that Daniella felt more for me than just friendship, but I'd been so damn scared of losing what we had as friends that I'd overlooked what I knew to be more than friendly overtures on her part. Was this what had happened? Had I unintentionally taken advantage of Daniella's feelings for me?

Jesus fucking Christ I was so confused.

I'd never considered _any_ of this until that moment, but somehow it made more sense than my being completely fucking clueless that my best friend was in love with me. I finished retching into the toilet, continuing to rest on my knees on the bathroom floor, my head atop the toilet lid now, until I was certain I was able to stand. I walked to the sink then, splashing cold water over my face and brushing my teeth before heading back into the bedroom. I still didn't bother stripping out of my clothes.

As I crawled back into bed, Bella rolled over and looked at me. Her eyes were heavy and unfocused and she made small smacking noises with her mouth as she wet her lips with her tongue.

"You're here," she murmured, scooting closer to me and reaching out to touch my chest with her hand.

"I am," I sighed, reaching out to brush the hair from her face.

"Are you all right? It sounded like you might be sick," she said concerned, her voice still thick with sleep.

"Too much scotch," I muttered, reaching out to pull her to my chest. She curled into me willingly, sighing contentedly as I tucked her head under my chin.

"That's not like you," she murmured as she began tracing tiny patterns on my chest. She sounded more alert now and I groaned, knowing she was probably anxious to talk when all I could think about was sleep.

"I thought a few drinks might help me to figure some things out," I said, turning to kiss her head. She was quiet for a moment and I thought maybe she'd gone back to sleep. Her hand had stilled on my chest and all I could hear was the quiet, rhythmic sound of her breathing in the dark.

"Did you have much luck with that?" She asked a little while later and I sighed heavily, realizing that whether I wanted to or not, we were going to be talking this thing through tonight. I shrugged underneath her.

"Not really. In fact, I'm more confused now than I was when we left the party."

"Well, other than confused, what are you feeling _right now_?" She pressed, and I couldn't help it, I chuckled softly.

"What's so funny?" She lifted her head off of my chest to look at me, her brows crunched together in confusion and her eyes probing mine for some indication as to why I was laughing.

"Nothing…you just sounded like a therapist," I answered her and she huffed, her head flopping back down to my chest.

"I'm being serious, Edward," she chastised, and I nodded.

"I know, I know love," I assured her before continuing. "To answer your question, I really don't know. I suppose if I had to filter through everything I'm feeling to identify the most prominent emotion, I'd have to say I'm feeling sad right now. At first I was shocked, followed very closely by angry as hell that she'd been dishonest with me and betrayed me to the studio. But mostly I'm just sad, now. I've lost somebody that was important to me Bella, and I haven't a clue as to why. I mean obviously I know _why_, but what I can't figure out is how this happened without my ever being aware of it," I said, feeling myself growing increasingly frustrated with the situation. I was incredibly tense and sensing this, Bella had begun massaging my shoulder with her hand, drawing her palm down the length of my arm and back up again before continuing to knead my tight muscles.

"I'm worried that maybe some of this is my fault," I added a few moments later. "I'm worried that I may have sent her mixed signals." Bella momentarily ceased her soothing circuit and became very quiet.

"Why do you say that?" She asked cautiously. "All along you've said she was just a friend." I could see where this was going and I immediately moved to clarify what I'd meant.

"She is, and that's all she's ever been," I assured her, reaching up with my hand that wasn't holding her against me and grabbing her hand in mine. I squeezed it, then started running the palm of my hand up and down Bella's arm in a soothing gesture, just as she'd done to me moments before.

"It's just, well this is going to sound silly, but I wonder if maybe there was a part of me that suspected she felt more, but I was scared of saying anything for fear it would destroy our friendship."

"I can understand that," Bella whispered against me as she raked her fingers down my chest. "I wonder that about Jake all the time." And at the mention of his name, my entire body went rigid. I couldn't help it. I knew that Jake was just a friend to Bella, and ever since _that_ night they'd had nothing but professional contact with each other, but his words still haunted me. He'd said he wouldn't give up without a fight, and I wondered if those were just empty words thrown out in anger or if he was simply waiting patiently for the right time to try and work his way back into Bella's life and convince her that he was the better choice.

"Only I have even less of an excuse for my behavior than you do Edward. Jasper and Alice told me all along that Jake had feelings for me and I chose not to listen. You didn't do anything wrong, baby. You didn't know. And even if on some subconscious level you were aware she might feel something more for you, you always made it very clear that the two of you were just friends. You were always honest with her about how you felt and she wasn't." I understood what Bella was trying to say to me and I appreciated her trying to put my mind at ease, but I still felt at least partially responsible for what had happened.

"I could have handled things differently," I said shaking my head in self reproach. "I should have maintained stricter physical boundaries." Bella pushed herself up off of my chest then so that she was sitting beside me staring down at me out of focused, furious eyes.

"She should have respected the fact that you had a girlfriend, Edward! For Christ's sake! I'm sorry you've been hurt tonight, I really am, but I won't let you lay here and shoulder the responsibility for what happened. Daniella isn't nice, Edward. She's a lying, manipulative bitch if I'm to be completely honest. And I'm sorry if it hurts you to hear me say that, but I've spent all day being condescended to and threatened and I won't let you lie here and convince yourself she's the victim in this whole fucking mess because she isn't."

I lay beside Bella, stunned by her outburst and not having any clue as to what she meant when she said that Daniella had threatened her, but I meant to find out. I sat up beside her, narrowing my eyes at her.

"What do you mean she threatened you?" I said, trying very hard to keep control of myself as I spoke. "How? When?"

"At the spa, and in the limo at the theater while you were outside talking with the press," she answered me matter-of-factly and my head was once again spinning, the feeling of nausea from earlier that had subsided slowly creeping back into my stomach.

"Did she threaten to hurt you?" I seethed through clenched teeth. It was almost impossible for me to imagine Daniella doing so, but after what had happened at the after party, I would believe almost anything.

"Calm down Edward," Bella said while shaking her head at me. "Her threats weren't physical or even explicit for that matter. She more preyed on my insecurities, insulting my appearance, belittling what I meant to you and insinuating that your relationship with her was more than you let on…" I felt anger coursing through my veins the entire time Bella spoke, but when she said that Daniella had insinuated there was more to our relationship, it was my undoing.

"What _specifically_ did she say, Bella!" I yelled now, furious and frustrated with the entire situation and wanting to get to the bottom of what had happened. Bella flinched away from me and I immediately regretted having raised my voice. I reached out for her hand, taking it in mine.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quickly, taking care to soften my tone of voice. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm not angry with _you_. I'm just trying to understand what's happened." Bella looked to me and nodded.

"There was a conversation in the spa, Edward and I'm ashamed to even bring it up…" Bella hesitated, averting her gaze from mine and hanging her head so that she was staring down at our entwined hands in her lap.

"What would you have to be ashamed about?" I asked confused, realizing she had yet to answer my first question, but wanting more in that moment to know what it was she could possibly feel ashamed about.

"I'm ashamed because the things they said about you were so disgusting and derogatory, and I just sat there and listened to it all without ever even making an attempt to defend you," she whispered and I withdrew my hand from hers, bringing both of my hands to my face and digging the heels of them into my eyes. This was turning into more of a fucking nightmare than I had ever imagined.

"What did they say, Bella?" I asked coolly. Bella remained silent by my side, wringing her hands in her lap. She drew her lower lip between her teeth and bit down hard as her eyes fell shut.

"There was a discussion of girls you'd been with, and whether or not you were a 'good fuck'." I cringed at the vulgarity of the words, and was immediately overcome with remorse that Bella had been subjected to that, especially considering that _I'd_ been the one that insisted she go to the spa with Daniella.

"I'm so sorry, baby," I murmured regretfully into the dark and I reached for her hand again. She had nothing to be ashamed about and I needed her to know I wasn't angry with her in the least. Any anger I felt was directed at myself and Daniella for putting her into a position where she had to deal with any of this in the first place. "I'm so sorry you had to listen to any of that."

"There's more, Edward," Bella whispered softly and I sighed heavily, bracing myself for what was to come. "When the conversation turned to whether or not you were a 'good fuck'," and Bella and I _both_ cringed at her use of these words this time, "Daniella remained uncharacteristically quiet, implying she knew from first-hand experience the answer to the question." Bella's voice noticeably shook as she spoke, and when she was finished she swallowed hard before peering up at me. I just shook my head in resignation.

"I told you I never slept with her, Bella," I said quietly, not quite sure what the hell to say about any of this anymore. And then she whispered words that were my salvation.

"_I know. And I believe you_. _I trust you Edward_. It doesn't make having to listen to what I did any easier, but you told me you never had a physical relationship with her and I trust you. The only reason I've chosen to tell you any of this is because I think it's important you realize just what we're up against here. As hard as this might be for you to accept, Daniella is not the person you thought her to be. And I don't want you taking any responsibility for what happened between the two of you. You were always honest with her, and she's been nothing of the sort with you."

Bella was right, I knew she was right, but it didn't make hearing it any easier. I wasn't acquainted with this dark, malicious and vindictive side of Daniella and it hurt knowing that she wasn't the person I'd thought she was.

"Why is it that I always put my faith and trust in the wrong fucking people," I muttered, yawning heavily. I pulled my knees up to my chest and laid my head down atop them so that I was staring right at Bella. She mirrored my actions, and a small, wistful smile ghosted across her face as she reached over with her free hand and raked her fingers through my hair. Her thumb brushed gently across my forehead as she did so.

"Not always," she murmured and I swallowed hard at the lump that formed in my throat.

"I don't deserve you," I whispered softly. "I'm so sorry you were put through all of that. I can't imagine how I would feel if I had to listen to someone talk about you like that." Bella's eyes flitted away from mine for a moment before returning to meet my gaze.

"It wasn't easy," she admitted, and my heart broke knowing she'd suffered so greatly today. "But I could see through Daniella's guise. And about the other women you've been with…well…I can't fault you for having a past, can I? You're with me now, and that's all that matters. Not who you were with, in the past," she said, and though she was trying to be brave, I saw a hint of something else in her eyes but I couldn't quite determine what it was. Was it uncertainty? Sorrow? Fear?

"That's not all that matters, Bella," I whispered shaking my head slowly back and forth, and she looked at me curiously out of wide brown eyes.

"It matters to me that you know that while yes…I have been with other women, I have never been in love before, not until I met you. I'm not just 'with you', Bella. I'm madly in love with you and I know that I _never _have nor could I _ever _feel for anybody else even half of what it is I feel for you. I love you," I added quietly, and she nodded, lifting her head up slightly off of her knees to wipe the wetness from her cheek.

"I love you too, sweet boy," she answered me back as her fingers kneaded deeper into my hair and gently scratched my scalp. I shut my eyes then, relaxing under her touch and soon found myself drifting off to sleep.

"You're tired," Bella murmured.

"I am," I agreed sleepily.

"Come, let's sleep," she said as she gently guided us both down so that we lay facing each other in bed. Her hand continued to massage my scalp and I was very nearly asleep when I called her name.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" She answered me quietly. I opened my eyes and she was gazing up at me out of sleepy, droopy eyes.

"I'm sorry," I spoke softly. "I feel like everything we've discussed here tonight is totally inconsequential considering what happened to you on the red carpet." Bella's face, relaxed and serene only moments before fell at my words.

"We're both tired, Edward. It's past three in the morning now. There will be plenty of time to talk about what happened tomorrow," she said plainly. And she was right. It _was_ late, and if I'd been ass dragging tired two hours ago when I'd first crawled into bed I was completely spent now. I was in no frame of mind to be engaging in yet another serious discussion, but I didn't want for her to feel as if I'd forgotten what had happened. I didn't want her to think that her feelings weren't important to me. I studied Bella's face for a moment before leaning over and placing a soft kiss to her forehead.

"I just need to know that you're okay," I murmured against her hair and she snuggled closer to me, wrapping her arms around me and threading her leg between mine, pulling our bodies flush against each other.

"I am now," she answered me honestly before kissing my jaw and nuzzling her head under my chin. "I am now," she said again as she yawned and the two of us drifted off to sleep wrapped securely in each other's arms.

A few hours later I awoke from the most delicious of dreams with my engorged dick straining against my pants. My hips voluntarily pressed into Bella, seeking relief from the intense, though not uncomfortable pressure. I groaned as I felt Bella's wet lips kissing down my chest. I felt her smile against me.

"Did I wake you, baby?" She breathed, her warm breath teasing me as it washed across my chest, and if it were possible, I grew even harder. I was still groggy, my head clouded by sleep, but I managed to reach around Bella with my hand, threading my fingers into her hair and tilting her head back before pulling her mouth to mine. I kissed her, pushing my tongue into her mouth and tangling it with hers in an urgent dance before pulling away.

"You did," I breathed against her, "but I forgive you." I smiled slyly at her and she grinned back, a mischievous glint in her eye that faded as she gazed at me. I was suddenly worried that something was wrong but then she reached out, drawing the palm of her hand tenderly down my cheek as she looked on at me lovingly.

"Love me," she whispered, and it wasn't a question but rather a request. I held her gaze and nodded slowly before bending down to kiss her again. The kiss wasn't urgent this time. It wasn't anything of the sort; this time it was slow and sensual, and above all else, reverent. I took my time kissing her, loving her, taking care to kiss her eyelids as they fluttered, her nose as it crinkled, her cheeks as they flushed and her forehead as it wrinkled before closing my mouth back over hers.

As we kissed, we rocked against each other, and presently I felt her hands move to my chest as she made to unbutton my shirt. I allowed her to do so, skimming my left hand down the silky smooth skin of her deliciously taught stomach and slipping two fingers inside her panties as she did. I groaned when my fingers slipped easily between her folds and she gasped when I entered her, her hands forgetting their work and her forehead falling against my chest as she quietly whimpered my name. Hearing my name roll off her lustful lips, wanting and needing me as she did, only served to heighten my arousal and it took every ounce of restraint I could muster not to free myself from my pants and push into her. But I didn't want to do that. Not now. I wanted to love her slowly, worshiping her body and leaving no doubt in her mind as to how much I loved her.

As we lay there together in the dark, I made love to her with my hands, easing my fingers out of her slowly before pushing them back in again, all the while rubbing small circles into her clit with my thumb. Her body started to relax against mine and her eyes fell closed as her breathing steadily increased. Soon she was thrusting her hips forward, taking my fingers deeper inside of her and when I curled them against her wall, she clamped down hard around me, coming in hushed mewls as her body trembled against mine. I held her until she stilled then quickly pulled the shirt from my chest and unzipped my pants, pushing them down my legs for as far as my hands could reach and then using my feet to finish the job. I lay naked beside Bella then, and she beside me, having already removed her camisole and panties.

Holding her at arm's length, I reached out and tenderly stroked her cheek, leaning forward to kiss either side of her mouth before kissing languidly down her neck. When I reached her chest, I kissed each of her breasts, suckling her rose colored nipples until they stood hard and firm before kissing slowly down her belly. And as I did so, I couldn't help but marvel at her perfectly formed body as I moved towards where I knew she yearned most for my touch.

"You're perfect, Bella. Simply, fucking perfect," I murmured as my face drew near to her center. She writhed beneath me as I skimmed her clit with my nose before dragging my tongue between her folds.

"Fuck, Edward, you're going to make me come again," she panted and I smiled against her, teasing her body by blowing cool air against her clit.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked before parting her lips with my tongue and tasting her juices. Fuck she was wet.

"I…," she threw her head to the side as I gently kissed her clit. "I want you to be inside of me when…I…,"

I didn't let her finish her sentence, instead crawling up her body and pressing a soft kiss to her lips before murmuring "say no more, love." And with that, I slipped inside her, exhaling sharply at the exquisiteness of how she felt around me and groaning as she clenched down on my length before rocking forward and taking me all the way in. We lay on our sides, my left leg pushed between her thighs, holding her open as I slowly thrust into her. Bella reached out to me, twining her fingers into my hair and gently tugging at it as she met me thrust for thrust. Soon, her body started to stiffen and her head lolled back as she rasped my name. I reached out with my hand and pulled her head forward again, meeting her heady gaze with my own.

"Stay with me," I breathed against her as my forehead fell against hers and she nodded as she whimpered, each of us thrusting more erratically as we neared our climaxes. I thrust into her three more times before Bella cried out my name, wrapping her arms around my neck as she came hard, her entire body vibrating against mine as I spilled inside of her. I continued to thrust into her until our bodies could give no more, then reached out and pulled her onto my chest, holding her tight against me as I peppered kisses across her temple.

"So, that was sweet and all, but I thought you said you were going to make me scream," Bella teased as she lifted her head off of my chest and smirked at me, her brown eyes taunting, twinkling and daring me to accept her unspoken challenge.

"Hmm…" I made a soft clicking noise with my mouth. I nodded at her slowly as I pretended to consider her challenge all the while easing my body out from under hers so that I was now sitting by her side. I glanced over at her, my eyes boring into hers as a wicked smile formed on my lips. She noticed it, gulping loudly as she pulled the sheets up and around her naked form, inching backwards in bed towards the headboard.

"You know Bella," I said slowly, deliberately, and I rose to my knees then, stalking forward on hands and knees in pursuit of my prey as she continued to try and retreat. "You really shouldn't have said that." And with that I pounced on her.

"Edward, don't!" She screamed as I landed on top of her, tickling her mercilessly until both she and I were laughing so hard I seriously thought I was going pee on myself. Bella begged and pleaded with me to stop, screaming my name over and over again…just as I'd promised she would, as her tiny fists assaulted my back in a pitiful attempt to fight me off. I finally acquiesced to her demands, satisfied she'd had her fill of screaming, and rolled off of her only to laugh even harder when she smacked me in my face with an absurdly overstuffed pillow.

"That wasn't funny, Edward," she growled through her own laughs, smacking me with the pillow again and trying so hard to be all tough and mighty. And fuck me if the angry kitten with the heaving chest and wild hair wasn't hot as hell. I reached out, grabbing her roughly by the hips and pulling her on top of me and my engorged dick.

"I want you again, now," I said gruffly and when her eyes met mine, she gasped.

**BPOV**

Making love with Edward always brought me back to what was real and important in my life. And despite how difficult the past twenty four hours had been for us, I had never wanted to be with Edward more than I wanted it now. Staring back into his eyes darkened with desire, I knew he felt the same. He grunted as my warm center came in contact with him, bucking his hips upward; he was such an eager boy. I grinned down at him, sliding forward seductively, teasing him.

"You're a naughty girl, baby, teasing me like that," he rasped as he locked his hands against my hips and tried to lift me onto him, but I resisted. He chuckled softly to himself then, stilling his movements and commanding my gaze.

"I thought you'd learned your lesson earlier, love," he said before flipping me onto my back and in one glorious thrust, sheathing himself fully inside of me.

"Fuck, Edward!" I cried out at the sensation of him filling me so completely, so fast.

"Mmm, yes love, I know you love for me to do that," he murmured as he propped himself up on his elbows and began moving inside of me. And I was helpless to resist him. How could I, with his green eyes boring into mine, _telling_ me how much he loved me? How could I, with his lips kissing mine so softly, _showing_ me how much he loved me?

My hips moved upward, meeting his as he thrust into me, the two of us quickly settling into a familiar rhythm. I slid my hands down Edward's sweat slickened back then, kneading his behind and pushing him towards me, telling him with my hands that I wanted it harder. He willingly complied, picking up the pace and pushing into me with such intensity that he was all I felt in that moment. He was in me, on me, all over me. I reached up with my hands, running my fingers into his matted locks and gripping tightly. Bringing his mouth to mine, I kissed him hard. I could feel him breathing harder against me now and could tell that he was close to finding his release.

"Touch yourself for me baby," he rasped against my mouth before claiming it with his and I did as he asked, reaching between our bodies to touch my swollen center. As I did, Edward thrust once, hard, burying himself inside of me and trapping my hand between the two of us. I cried out in pleasure as he grunted, mumbling my name as he buried his face in my neck and came hard inside of me. He collapsed on top of me then, each of us breathing heavily. Wrapping my arms and legs around him, I held him to me securely, kissing the top of his head over and over again.

"I love you so much," I huffed, still trying to catch my breath and he slid his arms around my waist and squeezed me tight before rolling us so that I lay on his chest.

"I love you too, sweet girl," he murmured while brushing his knuckles against my cheek.

We lay in bed, exchanging gentle caresses for a long while after making love for the second time. I loved this quiet time with Edward, when neither one of us felt particularly inclined to say anything. Instead we explored each other with our hands, expressing our love for each other through our touch instead of our words. Soon though, we realized it was after ten and it was time to get up. Edward's phone had been ringing nearly non-stop for the last fifteen minutes and I was almost certain it was Melinda trying to call. Just as we were about to step into the shower, we heard a loud knock and a familiar voice at the door. I sighed. Edward hadn't returned Melinda's calls so she'd come looking for him.

"Go ahead and shower without me, love," Edward said as he pulled on a pair of jeans that lay in the middle of the bathroom floor from yesterday. I pouted in disappointment as he leaned in to kiss me.

"You couldn't possibly be up for another round," he murmured against my lips before kissing across my jaw and down my neck.

"I could," I answered softly as my hand reached out to stroke him through his jeans. He groaned, pulling away from me.

"You're insatiable. I can't keep up with you," he chuckled before swatting my behind and turning to leave me standing alone in the bathroom.

I emerged from the shower twenty minutes later feeling remarkably refreshed and I moved into the bedroom where I started to get dressed. As I was pulling on my jeans, I listened for voices in the living room and curiously heard nothing. Edward had answered the door nearly thirty minutes before, I noted, and still had not returned to the bedroom to put clothes on. I was starting to feel anxious, wondering if something was wrong and after slipping on a cream colored blouse I opened the door a crack and peeked out. Edward and Melinda weren't there; they were standing outside on the balcony, speaking animatedly to each other in hushed voices. Curious as to what was going on, I stepped outside the bedroom door and just as I did, Edward turned to Melinda, speaking harshly to her.

"I can't do that Melinda!" He hissed, and though the door to the balcony was only slightly ajar, I heard perfectly what he said. "Her winter concert is Wednesday evening. I can't miss it. I won't!"

I froze in spot, completely confused by what Edward had just said and consumed by a sudden sense of dread. Why would he have to miss my concert? As far as I knew, we were flying back to New York together that afternoon. I was anxious to know more, but didn't want to eavesdrop so I walked across the living room toward the balcony, taking a deep breath and preparing myself for the worst as I stepped through the door.

"Edward?" I called to him anxiously and he spun around to face me. Melinda smiled weakly at me in greeting, and my heart sank. She was nervous and stressed. Something was definitely wrong.

"How long have you been there, love?" Edward asked cautiously as he stepped toward me, taking my right hand in his. I studied his face, desperately hoping to see something…anything there other than what I saw. He was worried.

"Long enough to know there's a chance you might have to miss my concert," I said sadly, hanging my head. And suddenly the enormity of what that meant struck me hard in my gut and I sighed heavily. I'd been eager for Edward to see me perform live with an orchestra, obviously more so than I'd admitted to myself because standing there now, knowing there was a chance he might not be able to, I was crushed. Sensing my distress, Edward gathered me quickly into his arms.

"I won't," Edward said sternly while holding me close and I foolishly allowed myself to feel reassured for a moment - until Melinda interrupted, speaking quietly.

"Edward," she warned. "Don't make promises you can't keep." I felt Edward stiffen at her words and he gently released me before running both of his hands up into his hair.

"Fuck, Melinda. I don't understand. Why does it have to be Wednesday?"

"Because they'd like to combine the pre-production meeting that was scheduled for three weeks from now with sorting through the details of your promotional obligations and Wednesday is the only day Daniella and her team is available."

Oh. Daniella. Of course.

"I'm sorry, Edward, but the studio wouldn't have had any cause to call this meeting if you'd just done as I asked and walked the red carpet with Daniella." Melinda reached out to Edward to touch his arm, but he pulled away. Melinda turned to me then, shaking her head sadly.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I really didn't know. Not that it would have made a difference if I had, but I'm still sorry it means he'll have to miss your concert," she said, and though she seemed genuine in her apology, it didn't make it any easier for me to accept that Edward wouldn't be there to see me perform on Wednesday.

We all three stood silently on the balcony, staring at each other for what seemed like an interminably long time when it dawned on me that if Edward had a meeting here in L.A. on Wednesday, that he might not be flying back to New York with me that afternoon.

"Will you be flying home with me today?" I was the first to break the silence, and Edward and Melinda startled slightly at my words. He shook his head slowly back and forth.

"No. But you can still take the Citation," he said, and I shook my head vigorously back and forth.

"I don't want to take the Citation," I muttered and turning to Melinda I asked if she could book me a flight out of L.A. that afternoon on a commercial airline. She nodded at me before heading inside to make some calls. Edward turned to me then, taking both of my hands in his and leveling his eyes at me.

"This is killing me, Bella. You don't know how important it is to me to be able to see you perform on Wednesday."

"I think I do," I answered him honestly, stepping into him and burying my face in his chest, knowing that if I spent any more time looking into his tortured green eyes I'd end up crying.

Two hours later and Edward had just dropped me off in front of the US Airways terminal at LAX. I'd kissed him briefly goodbye in the backseat of Melinda's Lincoln Navigator, promising to call as soon as I landed in New York before stepping out into the mayhem of the airport. Strangely, the chaos was comforting - a welcome diversion from my own muddled thoughts.

After I checked in, I grabbed a coffee from Starbucks before making my way to the departure gate. Once there, I saw that I still had forty-five minutes before the flight departed so I decided to take a seat in the waiting area and catch a few minutes of sleep. It was an exercise in futility, however, as my mind spun furiously with thoughts of the day before. Several things Daniella had said yesterday weighed heavy on my mind, the most bothersome being that I didn't fit into Edward's world.

As difficult as it was for me to accept, and as much as I wished Daniella was wrong, what she'd said was true. Edward's reality was so far removed from my own it was almost as if we lived in parallel universes, and that could not have been made clearer to me than it was at the premiere. After yesterday, I had a better appreciation for why it was so difficult for actors to maintain romantic relationships with people who weren't in the business.

Demanding film schedules and long separations aside, it was asking a lot of someone to become the focus of unabashed media attention when that wasn't what they were accustomed to. Even more so when that person was as emotionally fragile as I was. The more I considered Edward's reality, the more I wondered if maybe he'd be more comfortable with someone that could truly understand what his life was about – with someone that could relate to him better than I could. But did that mean there was little hope for Edward and me? Were the obstacles we faced too difficult for us to overcome?

I only had to think about that for a brief moment before determining that I really didn't think so, and the explanation as to why I felt this way was really very simple. When two people loved one another as much as Edward and I did, it should be enough to make things work. But loving someone alone wasn't enough if you didn't put forth the effort to make a relationship work. And sitting there in the middle of LAX, amidst the chatter of nameless faces and the whir of jet engines, I was suddenly conscious of the fact that all this time, I hadn't really been trying. I'd been hiding, using my own emotional shortcomings as an excuse to not put myself out there because I was petrified of what would happen if I did. And I knew in that moment that would no longer work.

If I was going to be with Edward, I couldn't do it half way. I couldn't continue to pretend that Edward wasn't something that he really was because Edward - this man, who I was so desperately in love with, deserved more. He deserved for me to embrace all of who he was, and as difficult as that was going to be for me to do, I had to try. Of course, I realized I wouldn't be able to do it on my own. I was far too weak, chained to a past I'd yet to come to terms with. So if I were truly going to try and break free, I was going to have to ask for help, and not from Edward and not from Alice. After all this time, I finally felt driven to seek help from a therapist.

My phone chimed in my bag at the same moment in time the pre-boarding announcement for first class passengers and passengers traveling with small children was made, startling me from my musings. I sat up abruptly, reaching into my bag to grab my phone. I smiled when I saw I had two messages from Edward.

_Checked in yet? Melinda's taken me to lunch to try and coax me out of my sullen mood, but it's not working. I prefer to wallow in my misery. Miss you already, more than you know._

_You're probably getting ready for take-off now. Wish I were there with you. Don't go chatting up any movie stars you might meet in flight…love you desperately._

I sighed at his first text, understanding exactly how he felt, and smiled at his second. _As if_. I typed out a quick response to him before boarding the flight.

_Getting __ready to board. Wallowing here, too. If I encounter any handsome, brooding stars I'll be sure to give them the wrong number. Love you and only you for always. _

Once on board, I stowed my bag beneath my seat but kept my phone with me. It chimed again.

_I'd prefer if you didn't speak to said brooding star at all. xoxo_

I laughed aloud, easily picturing Edward sitting at some restaurant in the middle of Hollywood sulking at the thought of me spending the next five hours talking with any man other than himself. I decided to play nice and put his mind at ease.

_Lucky for you said star is really an elderly man with thinning grey hair and thick spectacles. xoxo_

My phone chimed again a moment later just as the stewardess made her announcement to turn off all portable electronic devices. I quickly read Edward's text, smiling to myself as I sent him one final message before shutting off my phone.

_Breathing huge sigh of relief here. Love you. Safe flight._

_Love you too, you silly boy. Must go now. xoxo_

Somehow I managed to sleep the entire flight, waking hours later when the stewardess gently shook my shoulder to alert me to the fact that I was the sole passenger remaining on the plane. I lifted my head slowly from where it rested on my shoulder, wincing from the discomfort of having slept for five hours with my head fallen over to one side. My t-shirt was damp from where I'd drooled on myself and I stared up at the stewardess, groggy eyed and embarrassed.

"Uh…thanks. I must have been more tired than I thought," I muttered as I reached down to grab my bag from under the seat. The stewardess smiled politely at me, stepping aside so that I could pass into the aisle and exit the plane.

Much to my surprise, Jasper was waiting for me when I entered the terminal. I hadn't spoken with anybody regarding my change in plans and concluded that Edward must have done so on my behalf. I was grateful he had, though curious as to why he would have called Jasper and not Alice.

"Hey Jazz!" I smiled broadly at him as I approached.

"Hey yourself," he said as he drew me in for a hug. He hugged me tight, kissing me on my forehead before letting me go.

"Where's Alice?" I asked as soon as he let me go. I was disappointed she wasn't there to meet me. I still hadn't spoken to her and was dying to tell her all about the premiere.

"She's at home. She's not feeling well," he said and my face immediately fell.

"What's wrong?" I asked, suddenly feeling very anxious. Hadn't Alice just been sick a few weeks before? Jasper chuckled at my reaction.

"Ease up kiddo, she's fine. Just the usual, a little run down and tired is all. She caught a nasty cold over Thanksgiving and hasn't managed to kick it," he said. Jasper didn't sound too worried, so I tried to relax a little bit, but I was still concerned that she seemed to be falling ill with greater frequency than was normal.

"You think she's up for visitors?" I asked hopefully as we made our way down to baggage claim, but Jasper shook his head. I frowned in disappointment.

"She was sleeping when I left, so I'd say it's best to let her rest. It's late, Bella. You can call her in the morning. She's fine…really. I think she plans on coming to orchestra rehearsal tomorrow, so you can see her then." I groaned. Tomorrow was going to be a _long_ day. In addition to a scheduled three hour orchestra rehearsal, Jasper, Jake and I still needed to rehearse for our appearance at the High Tea event the following week.

"All right, if you promise that you're being completely honest with me and that she really is fine," I warned him, narrowing my eyes. Jasper laughed, throwing his hands in the air.

"I promise, Bella. She's fine. Jeez, you two are so silly. You panic when you're apart for more than twenty four hours," he teased and I couldn't help but laugh with him because he was right.

"So I assume Edward called," I said a few moments later. We'd made our way down to baggage claim and I was making small talk as we waited for my luggage to make an appearance on the carousel. Jasper nodded his head at me.

"He did. He sounded pretty miserable, too," he said. His words made me feel unexpectedly sad, and I turned from him to wipe the dampness from my eyes.

"He's got it bad, kiddo," Jasper teased as he called me out, stepping in front of me to brush a tear from my cheek. "And I see you do, too," he chuckled softly and I laughed with him.

"Pretty pathetic, huh?" I asked, feeling a little foolish to be shedding tears over Edward when I'd only just left him.

"Not at all. Pretty special, I'd say," he mused as he smiled down at me and his words caused a fresh round of tears to prick at the back of my eyes. Thankfully, I was distracted by my cello coming towards us on the conveyor belt, my duffel not far behind. Jasper strolled over, hoisting my cello over his shoulder and grabbing my bag before holding out his hand to me.

"Let's get you home, shall we?" I nodded, reaching out and taking his hand as I followed him out of the airport to his car.

It was after midnight when I arrived home. I'd enjoyed having some time to catch up with Jasper on the drive back to my apartment. Since I'd started dating Edward there wasn't enough time to just hang out and enjoy the company of my friends. Whenever we were together now it seemed we were always focused on music. I missed the more carefree and easy times we'd spent with each other in the past and wondered wistfully if those days were all but gone now. When I opened the door to my apartment, I was surprised to find Johann there, tail wagging furiously back and forth as I knelt down to give him a hug.

"What are you doing here big guy?" I asked, completely confused. I'd dropped Johann off at the pet hotel on Wednesday and wasn't supposed to pick him up until later today.

"That was Edward's doing. He thought it might make you happy to have him here with you tonight so he asked me to pick him up before coming to get you," Jasper said by way of an explanation.

I sighed. Edward was always so thoughtful, and I suddenly found myself missing him so much I physically ached. I was also tired, despite having slept for five hours on the plane, and just wanted to try and get to bed.

"Thanks for picking me up, Jazz," I said as I stood from hugging Johann and turned to give him a quick hug goodbye. "I'll call Alice in the morning and see you at practice tomorrow. Eleven o'clock, right?" Jasper nodded.

"Yes. Eleven o'clock. And it was my pleasure. I'm glad we had a few moments to chat," he said as he leaned in to kiss my cheek before ducking out the door.

After Jasper left, I played with Johann for a bit before scrounging in my refrigerator for some lunchmeat to make a sandwich. I ate quickly, settling down into bed soon afterward, exhausted from a long day. As I leaned back into my pillows, I thought it was strange that I hadn't yet heard from Edward but when I reached for my phone to call him, I realized I still had it shut off. Turning it on, I saw that I had five missed calls and three text messages – all from Edward.

_Have you landed yet? I arranged for Jasper to pick you up. I don't want you taking a cab by yourself this time of night. Call and let me know you've arrived safely. Love you._

_Bella, why aren't you answering your phone? I checked online and your plane landed ten minutes ago. Look for Jasper. I've sent him to pick you up. Call me. I love you._

_Bella, I'm getting worried now. It's after midnight your time and your plane landed over an hour ago. Nobody is answering their damn phones. Please call me. I'm anxious and missing you and just needing to hear your voice. xoxo_

I smiled to myself, feeling bad that I hadn't remember to call him but secretly finding his anxiety endearing. It was moments like these when I felt he and I were equally matched because we were both so anxious when we were apart. But while it was endearing, it was also a little bit unsettling because this separation would only last a few days as opposed to the longer one looming on the horizon. I shuddered, pushing that thought aside as I dialed his cell phone, just as anxious to hear his voice as he was to hear mine. He picked up on the first ring.

"Jesus, thank God you called. I've been going out of my mind with worry, love," Edward exhaled sharply into the phone and his obvious distress tugged at my heart.

"I'm sorry, baby. I should have called earlier but I got caught up with talking to Jasper. Thanks for sending him. It was a welcome surprise," Edward sighed before chuckling softly.

"You're welcome, and I'm sorry if I overreacted. I really need to get a grip," he half muttered to himself, half laughed and I laughed with him.

"Don't be sorry. I like that you feel anxious about me. It reminds me I'm not the only one who's hopeless." Edward laughed softly in response, but it seemed somewhat forced to me and I became worried as he grew quiet.

"Bella you have no idea how terrible I feel that I can't be there to see you perform on Wednesday…" I sighed. It upset me that he insisted on torturing himself over something he had no control over. I cut him off before he could say anything more.

"Don't, Edward. I don't want you to feel bad. It isn't your fault and I'm _not_ upset with you. There will be other concerts, and there is still my end of term review," I said, trying hard to sound as genuine and encouraging as possible because the truth was I _wasn't_ angry with Edward that he couldn't attend. And although I _was_ sad and disappointed, he didn't need for me to share this with him. I was certain he knew, and my verbalizing it would only make it more real and getting through this more difficult for the both of us.

"It's not the same, Bella. I know there will be other concerts, but I've been looking forward to this particular performance," Edward's voice trailed off for a moment as if he were considering something and when he finally spoke, he did so tentatively, already anticipating my response.

"I _could_ just blow the studio off and come home tomorrow. I've got a right mind to do so," he said quietly and my reaction to what he said surprised even myself.

"No!" I practically shouted into the phone. "You can't do that, Edward. This is your job…your career, and you've got to start taking it more seriously," I said in exasperation before continuing. "I'm worried, Edward. I'm worried that maybe you think I can't handle all of this and that's why you're making decisions not to read scripts and to defy the studio, but you can't continue to do that. You'll ruin your career and I don't want that. I don't want you to have to change who you are to be with me, baby. I love you and I'm here to stay. No matter how difficult things may be I'm not going anywhere. I promise you." The words rushed out of me without my giving them much thought but they were things that needed to be said. I listened as Edward breathed slowly in and out over the phone. He was unusually quiet, and it was making me nervous.

"Edward?" I called to him, anxious for him to say something.

"Thank you, Bella," he whispered quietly a moment later, and though I couldn't be certain, it almost sounded as if he were crying. "I needed to hear that." Edward sighed, and it was exactly the type of sigh that made me want to reach into the phone and wrap my arms around him, hugging him close to me.

"Oh baby, you should know that by now. After everything we've been through these past few months, you should know I'm committed to this…to us."

"I did…I do," he stumbled somewhat over his words and it made me smile. "But it's nice to be reassured sometimes." I could hear him relax as he spoke to me and it made me feel a tiny bit better.

"Well consider yourself reassured. I'm not going anywhere, Edward. If we're being completely honest with each other, I'd say there was a greater chance of you bowing out after what happened last night." I'd actually meant to tease, but even to me, my voice sounded scared and uncertain.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, seeming completely unaware of what I was referring to. And the fact that he had to ask almost made me laugh.

"The fact that I nearly succumbed to a panic attack in the middle of the red carpet Edward, what else?" Edward gasped.

"I'm not upset by that at all, Bella!" He cried out in exasperation, and the tone of his voice made it clear he was becoming frustrated again. "Damn it, I knew we should have talked about this before you left. I don't want you to think for one minute I care about what happened at the premiere. My only concern is for you… that you're okay."

I imagined Edward sitting in his bed, wringing his hands through his hair as we spoke and I knew now was not the time to be having this conversation. We needed to talk…about a lot of things, but this wasn't a conversation that needed to take place over the phone.

"I know. I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have said anything. It was an off-hand comment and I really didn't mean to upset you. We do need to talk, but maybe over the phone isn't the best way to do it, hmm?" I softened my voice as I spoke in the hopes it would help tame his frustration and anxiety.

"Can we wait until you come home, baby? I really want to be with you when we talk about this." Edward was quiet for a moment before offering a conciliatory sigh.

"Okay," he said, but he didn't sound convincing, rather defeated.

"Okay as in you agree, or okay as in you feel I'm giving you no other choice?" I asked very seriously. If it was that important to Edward that we discuss this now, I would. Edward surprised me when he laughed aloud.

"Both, I guess," he said, still laughing. "Look, Bella. We need to talk. We both know that. And as much as I'd like to do that right now, we're both tired and stressed by our unanticipated separation and most importantly…you're right. This isn't a conversation we should have over the phone. So we'll wait until I return to talk, so long as you understand that I love you and that nothing else matters to me but that, Bella." Edward's voice shook slightly towards the end, and it was enough to elicit tears from my eyes. I wiped at them, laughing at how ridiculous the two of us were.

"We're certainly a pair, aren't we?" I asked.

"I think so," he whispered quietly, and I leaned back into my pillows and sighed.

"I know you do, and I do to. Nothing else matters to me but you either, baby." Edward sighed contentedly at my words, and I knew we were okay then.

"Shall we try and get some sleep? I'm pretty tired," I said, yawning into the phone.

"I'm not ready to let you go just yet. Could I play something for you?" He asked, and I heard him put the phone on speaker as he moved across the room, presumably to pick up his guitar.

"Mmm…you have to ask?" I said sleepily. He chuckled softly, returning to the phone moments later. I could imagine him sitting in the middle of the bed, bronze hair tousled, guitar cradled in his lap and his elegantly long fingers softly strumming chords. Soon the familiar tune of Elton John's _Your Song_ filtered across the phone and I sighed contentedly, being quickly lulled to sleep by the rich and settling timbre of Edward's angelic voice.

Days and nights passed, and before I knew it Wednesday evening was upon me and I was standing just off-stage in the Alice Tully Hall at the Lincoln Center for Performing Arts complex about to take the stage to perform as the soloist with the Julliard Orchestra in _Haydn's Cello Concerto in C Major_.

I'd spoken to Edward earlier in the day just after I'd received a stunning bouquet of flowers from him, wishing me good luck with my performance this evening. He'd sounded in a rush when I called to thank him, quickly telling me he loved me and wished he could be with me but that it wasn't a good time for him to talk as he was being dragged from one meeting to another with very little time in-between. He asked me to call him as soon as I returned home this evening so I could tell him all about my performance. I'd felt a sudden wave of sorrow that he wouldn't be there to watch me perform, but took solace in the fact that he'd be home with me tomorrow.

It had been easier than I had anticipated spending the last few days without Edward. I missed him terribly of course, but my time was sufficiently occupied with preparing for the concert and catching up with Alice that I wasn't as preoccupied with his absence as I might otherwise have been. Alice, thank God, was feeling much better and besides spending some quality time with me had been busy conducting rehearsals for the _Nutcracker_ with some of her students from the Dramatic Arts Outreach after-school program. She would be somewhere in the audience tonight, proudly cheering me on as well as Jasper and Jake.

"Ladies and Gentlemen…" the conductor for the Julliard Orchestra commenced with his introduction of me, highlighting details of my distinguished career as a cellist and remarking what a great honor it was I'd chosen to study music at Julliard before inviting me onstage as the soloist. The applause was my cue to step onstage, and gripping the neck of my cello in one hand and the upper body of my cello and my bow in the other, I walked confidently onto the stage, smiling at all of the one thousand plus attendants of the sold out concert. I paused beside the conductor at center-stage, bowing before taking my seat on the small raised platform beside the conductor's stand. The conductor raised his baton in the air and the orchestra began playing. Soon I was playing too, and as I always did when I performed in front of hundreds of people, I tuned everything else out but the orchestra behind me and the beautiful instrument between my knees. And then I played as if there were nobody else in the auditorium but me.

I finished the finale of the _Concerto_ and couldn't help but smile broadly as I stood to a standing ovation. The clicking of bows against wood and the thunderous applause of the audience reverberated throughout the auditorium at once filling me with pride and humbling me, as it always did when my performance was so exuberantly received. Without thinking, I scanned the audience for a pair of green eyes I knew wouldn't be there, only to lock eyes with a set of brown ones I hadn't seen in years. I audibly gasped, his presence wholly unexpected, and took a step backward, only to have the conductor admonish me for my behavior with a stern glare. I quickly regained my composure, taking my bow before scurrying off stage.

My heart was beating wildly in my chest as I rushed down the hall and into the dressing room where I'd left my things before the start of the concert. I laid my cello gently in its case before turning to grip the back of a chair in order to steady my now trembling form. What was he doing here? Why hadn't he called before just showing up? I wasn't prepared to face him; I didn't have the strength necessary to do so. But when I heard the quiet knock at the door, I knew I had no other choice.

"Bella? Bella darling?" His thick, beautifully refined accent drifted through the crack in the door and I felt myself go weak at the knees. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to run to, and it would be pointless to do so anyway. I was going to have to face him sooner or later and it may as well be now, before the media caught hold of our story.

"Come in, Xavier," I whispered softly.

The door creaked open, and he stood before me. The strong scent of his cologne assaulted me as he moved inside the door, shutting it gently behind him. Once inside, he studied me quietly for a moment, as I did him, before he moved hesitantly toward me, reaching his arms out and drawing me to his chest. He gently kissed the top of my head.

"Ma chérie, you were amazing," he murmured softly and I swallowed hard, managing a small smile as I pulled away from him. I desperately searched for something to say, but before I could find the words there was another soft knock at the door. I was immediately on guard, suddenly panicked that somebody might see us there together. Xavier moved to the side as I cracked open the door to see who it was.

My heart stopped.

"Be still my heart," the exquisitely beautiful man smiling lazily down at me said, his right hand softly patting over his heart.

"Edward!" I gasped, stunned to see him standing there. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in California!" And I was so overwhelmed in that moment I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

"I had a change in plans," he answered me somewhat guardedly as he stood back to better examine me. I was still shaking, and Edward immediately recognized that something wasn't right.

"Bella?" He questioned me carefully, looking down at me quizzically. "What's wrong? You seem…anxious." I watched as his eyes flickered from me to just inside the door and then he wrinkled his nose, inhaling slowly. Edward stiffened.

"What's that smell?" He asked curtly, and I immediately looked away from him, unable to answer. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. I hadn't had a chance to talk to Edward about Xavier yet and now he was standing on the other side of the door.

"Bella? Ma chérie is everything all right?" Xavier called to me from inside the room and I felt like throwing up as first surprise, followed quickly by confusion crossed Edward's face.

"Who's that, Bella?" Edward asked in a clipped voice, and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop him when he flattened his palm against the door and pushed it open. I watched helplessly as his jaw set in an angry line and his eyes narrowed in suspicion. He inhaled purposefully again then looked directly at me.

"I asked you a question, Bella. Who is he?" I wanted to answer him, but I couldn't seem to manage the words, so I remained frozen in place, trembling hard and mute. My reticence only served to heighten his anger.

"I smell him on you, Bella," he seethed, his eyes now wild with despair. "Who the fuck is he?" He spat, and I burst into tears. Xavier moved quickly to my side, placing two hands on either shoulder.

"Ma chérie, don't cry," he soothed and Edward looked between the two of us, his green eyes overcome by agony, shaking his head in disgust before turning and storming off down the hall.

"Edward, wait!" I cried. "It's not what you think!" I broke away from Xavier, running down the hall after him. There were others in the hall, gawking at Edward and me as I reached out and grabbed him by his shoulder and spun him around.

"What do you want with me, Bella!" He practically yelled, and I could see that his eyes were red and brimming with tears.

"Baby, it's not what you think!" I sobbed, wiping furiously at my tears.

"Edward….that's my father."


	22. Communication and Commitment

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks to my beta **skyeblue0610** for whose assistance I will forever be grateful.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

My apologies if I threw some of you off last chapter. I hope this chapter will help to clear some things up.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and review. As always, I'm appreciative of all input and look forward to each and every review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 22: Communication and Commitment**

This was my worst nightmare come true.

Edward stood before me, eyes ablaze, stunned with disbelief. And when the initial shock of my confession wore off, what I saw in them made me recoil in shame.

Betrayal.

Edward felt betrayed…_by me_.

"He's your what!" He cried out incredulously, seeming barely able to believe my words. He hesitated slightly, shaking his head slowly back and forth. "He's your…father?" He said as his voice dropped to a whisper. I watched helplessly as Edward's beautiful face contorted in both anger and confusion…and grave disappointment…_in me_. My fingers brushed nervously against the palms of my hands and I cursed the tears that spilled forth from my eyes and trickled down my cheeks.

There was a commotion close to our side as a group of girls passed us by.

"Oh my God, is that…is that _Edward Cullen_?" One of them exclaimed in disbelief. Edward turned his head to glare at her just as I reached out to touch his hand, to try and pull him out of the hall and into a room away from unwelcome, prying eyes.

"Edward, please," I softly beseeched, but he flinched, pulling his hand back from mine as it grazed his own. My breath hitched in my throat as I choked back a guttural sob. He'd never pulled away from my touch.

Not ever.

"You lied to me, Bella," he said, shaking his head as if trying to clear it of a blasphemous thought. "After everything we've been through together, you lied to me." I hung my head in shame at his words, finding it difficult to look at him.

"Bella?" I startled at my name and Edward's eyes darkened as Xavier approached my side. Xavier acknowledged Edward with a nod before laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Perhaps the two of you would prefer to go somewhere else and discuss this matter in private," he suggested gently and I nodded my head in agreement as I looked up at Edward.

"Baby, can we please go somewhere and talk?" I all but begged, but he didn't answer me, instead staring down at me out of achingly sad eyes before brushing past me on his way down the hall.

"Edward?" I called after him. I had no idea where he was going, but I knew I had to follow.

"Edward!" I called his name again as he picked up his pace, moving quickly past the crowds of spectators that watched us both, eyes wide and jaws agape. I hurried after him – after the only thing that was important to me anymore. When I reached the door at the end of the hall I pushed it roughly open, gasping as the ice cold winter air ripped through my thin blouse.

"Edward!" I cried out before realizing he was standing right in front of me with Ronald. Ronald spun around, astonished to see me standing there jacketless in the bitter cold.

"Edward, what the fuck is going on here?" He asked just as Edward held out his hand.

"Give me the keys to the car, Ronald," he demanded coolly. Ronald hesitated for a moment, casting a bewildered glance at me over his shoulder before reaching into his pocket to withdraw the keys. He dropped them into Edward's hand as I moved to the passenger door, pulling it open and slipping inside as Edward walked around the back of the car to the driver's side door. He opened it and climbed in, not even bothering to look at me as he inserted the key into the ignition and put the car into reverse. I was vaguely aware that I was shaking uncontrollably now, but whether it was from the cold or from the panic I couldn't be sure. In a flash, Edward's right hand reached into the back grabbing a jacket…his jacket, and placing it on my lap.

"Put this on," he instructed, "and put your seatbelt on too." I mindlessly complied, shrinking in his presence, frightened not of him but of what he was thinking. He was so upset. I draped the jacket over my torso, pulling it up and around my neck, and I could do nothing to fight back the fresh round of tears that pooled in my eyes as I inhaled Edward's scent. I turned my head to look at him but he continued to look away from me, his jaw set in a harsh line.

"You're so angry with me," I said quietly, and Edward's eyes fell briefly closed before he finally turned to look at me. His expression, pained and conflicted to begin with, slowly softened as he gazed down at me, and I exhaled a sigh of relief.

"I'm not angry with you Bella," he said slowly, sadly while shaking his head. "I'm just…"he hesitated for a moment, obviously struggling with what to say. "I'm just really confused. And if we're being completely honest here, which I hope to God we are now, I'm hurt. I can't understand why this is something you would keep from me. Christ, I spent Thanksgiving with a man I thought was your father…" His words stung.

"Charlie _is_ my father." I interjected, more defensively than I'd intended, and Edward sighed heavily before looking away.

We rode in silence the remainder of the way home, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Mercifully, the apartment building stood quiet when we arrived. I was worried with the scene we'd caused that somebody might have alerted the press, but if they had they hadn't yet figured out we'd come here. Edward pulled around the back of the building, putting the car in park and leaving the keys in the ignition as he turned to face me.

"Will you come upstairs with me?" I asked hesitantly, bracing myself for the possibility that he might say no. He remained still in his seat, quietly considering my request before slowly nodding his head in agreement. I exhaled sharply, letting out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding and reached up to wipe at the wetness in my eyes. Edward exited the car silently, moving around the back of it to the passenger's side to open my door. I quickly wiggled into his jacket before stepping out into the frigid air and moving hurriedly into the building. Edward trailed behind me, following me into the elevator once inside.

We stood quietly, side by side, in the elevator as it made its ascent, his arm barely brushing against mine. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I was hesitant to do so. He'd recoiled from my touch earlier and I didn't think I could handle being rejected by him again. Still, I yearned to be closer to him, so I scooted towards him bit by bit until finally my body pressed firmly against the side of his. The bell chimed, indicating we'd reached my floor, and though he didn't look at me, when the doors opened Edward reached down and grabbed my hand in his, gripping it firmly as we walked toward my apartment together. I choked back a sob at the simple gesture, clinging to him as if my life depended on it. I wasn't going to let him go.

As we approached my door, I belatedly realized I didn't have my keys. I'd left them, along with my purse, jacket and cello, in the dressing room at Lincoln Center.

"Fuck," I muttered as I dropped my forehead against the door in frustration.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked softly.

"My keys are in my purse back at the hall," I muttered and he squeezed my hand lightly before withdrawing his from mine, starting back down the hall without me.

"I have mine. They're in Ronald's car. I'll be right back," he said as he slipped into the elevator and out of sight.

_I have mine_. His words echoed in my head. He had _his_ keys - his keys to what I considered to be _our_ apartment, his keys to _our_ life together, his keys to _my_ heart. And suddenly the seriousness of what we were facing caused my chest to constrict in panic, and I was desperate for him to return so that I could take him inside and make him understand that I'd never meant to be dishonest with him. He must know that. He must know that he was the only man I'd ever allowed myself to get close enough to, to trust with my secrets. He'd always be the only one.

When Edward returned a few minutes later he slid the key into the lock and opened the door, placing his hand in the small of my back to guide me inside. His touch reassured me and caused me to want to fold into him and hold him close, but I wasn't sure if he was ready for that just yet so I simply flipped on the lights and patted Johann's head before walking wordlessly into my room to change. I emerged a little while later to find Edward sitting sullenly on a bar stool, his head hung low. Sensing my presence he looked up, his eyes meeting mine, searching them for answers to his many questions.

"Why didn't you tell me about him Bella?" He asked quietly. His question was a simple one with an infinitely complicated answer and I didn't really know where to start. So I started at the beginning, from the moment I first found out that I wasn't who I thought I was.

"Edward, do you remember when I told you about the accident, about how my mother called me back from trying to go for help?" I spoke tentatively, my voice shaking ever so slightly as I desperately tried to summon the strength to tell Edward the whole truth. Edward nodded slowly and I sighed, slumping down to the floor against the back of the couch, knowing I'd need to be seated to talk about this.

_I lay on the ground cradled awkwardly in my mother's arms, her crumpled legs twisted grotesquely beneath us. With what little strength she had left she stroked my hair, trying so desperately despite her own suffering to mitigate my own. I tried to focus on the feel of her touch, but it was difficult for me to do as I waged a silent battle within. I felt useless lying there, knowing I was the only one who could go for help. Our fate - that of my mother and me, as my dear brother Daniel I knew had already passed away, was in my hands. And yet I lay there letting time slip by and with it the chances we'd ever be found. But my mother wanted it that way. She'd called to me, asking me to come lay with her, and I couldn't say no._

"_Bella?" Her quiet voice interrupted my tumultuous thoughts and I answered her weakly._

"_Yes, momma?" My voice sounded small. I was tired…so very tired._

"_Bella baby, I have something I need to tell you and it's important that you listen to me because I may not have another chance to say this." Her words chilled me, causing me to shiver even more than I already was. And whether it was from her subtle acknowledgement that we might not survive or her sudden seriousness and lucidity, I wasn't sure. I braced myself against her, wincing in pain as I tried to get closer to her. I reached out with my hand and laid it to rest on her chest._

"_What is it, momma?" My mother took a shallow, strangled breath before speaking._

"_Did you know that your father and I became engaged after only knowing each other for six weeks?" She asked quietly, and I froze, her question completely unexpected. _

"_No momma," I finally managed to answer her. "I didn't." I could feel her relaxing under me, and could sense her smiling. _

"_I loved Charlie from the moment I met him, Bella," she continued, a wistful lilt to her voice. "He was a wonderfully kind and compassionate man. He was also fun-loving and outgoing and very supportive of me and my musical career. When he asked me to marry him, I immediately said yes."_

"_Agreeing to marry someone after only knowing them for a few weeks doesn't seem like something you'd do," I mused as I considered what she'd said. "You're normally so responsible." My mother chuckled softly beneath me, wheezing with the effort._

"_It wasn't a completely whimsical decision, dear," she defended. "I loved Charlie, and could honestly see spending the rest of my life with him. I knew he loved me and would take care of me like I wanted. I was certain he'd make a good father too, and having children was something that was important to the both of us." My mother paused, continuing to gently caress down the length of my hair. Her touch was light and shaky, and I knew it was taking a tremendous amount of effort on her part to have this conversation with me. Her strength was waning fast. _

"_Tell me more," I gently encouraged, wanting to keep her with me - scared that she might slip away._

"_We eloped three months after he asked me to marry him," she said, and I managed to lift my head off of her chest and gaze sleepily into her eyes._

"_I didn't know that, either," I murmured, somewhat amused by this impetuous side of my mother I'd never known. She smiled weakly at me._

"_Neither set of your grandparents were thrilled with our hasty engagement. They wanted us to prolong it to make certain marriage was what we both wanted, but we were impatient to be together and so we eloped."_

"_You eloped because you were desperately in love?" I asked, momentarily forgetting our dire situation and smiling at the possibility that I might one day feel that way about someone too. _

"_Blindly so," she answered sadly._

"_Why do you say that?" I asked curiously, laying my head back down. It was much too difficult for me to continue to hold it up._

"_Because neither one of us anticipated how hard marriage would be," she answered me very honestly. "It was difficult from the beginning Bella, the two of us leading very separate lives. Your father was busy learning the ins and outs of running the vineyard and I was busy touring the United States and Europe. We spent so little time together that we slowly started to drift apart..." her voice was small and sad, and it tapered off as she became hauntingly quiet for a moment before speaking again. _

_"And then I was offered the opportunity to take part in a three month master class for cellists being offered by Xavier Bertrand at the Paris Conservatory of Music..." she said quietly, almost remorsefully._

"_Xavier Bertrand?" I asked incredulously. I was completely awestruck. Xavier Bertrand was a world renowned musician, the French equivalent of Pablo Casals or Yo-Yo Ma, a veritable genius on the instrument. My mother nodded slowly. I thought about this for a moment and decided it was an opportunity she would have been foolish to pass up. _

"_So you left daddy to study music in France," I said._

"_I did, Bella," she answered me quietly. I lay atop her, cold and just a little bit confused as to why exactly she had chosen to speak to me about all of this now. I wished we'd talked about this a long time ago as I realized sadly there was so much about my parents I didn't know. _

"_Did you enjoy being in Paris?" I asked, wanting to keep the conversation going, wanting to know more._

_I felt her nod, hesitating only slightly before whispering, "I fell in love again there."_

"_What?" I sputtered, completely stunned by what she'd just said. I tried to lift my head up off of her chest to look at her again, but I found I just didn't have the strength._

"_With who?" I asked weakly. I knew I should probably be more upset that she'd betrayed my father by falling in love with somebody else, but I was more curious in that moment than I was anything else._

"_With Xavier," she said softly. _

_Oh. _

_I wasn't sure what to think about that._

"_Did daddy know?" I asked hesitantly a few moments later, and she shook her head slowly back and forth._

"_No," she whispered sadly. _

_My mother had had an affair with a world renowned cellist and my father never knew. While I was fiercely devoted to my mother, I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Truth be told, it made me feel sick to my stomach. My mother seemed to sense my disapproval and sighed._

"_I'll never forgive myself for having an affair, Bella. It was wrong. When I married your father I vowed to remain faithful in good times and in bad and I broke those vows. I was ashamed of what I'd done and when my three months of study were up, I cut things off with Xavier and returned to the United States determined to make things work with your father. I wanted to tell him…I didn't want there to be any lies between us, but I was terrified he'd leave me if he knew the truth, so I never did."_

"_That was wrong of you, momma. He deserved to know the truth." I was angry now, and I hated that she'd made me to feel that way as we lay alone and cold, and dying together on the ground. _

"_I know, Bella. Believe me - I struggle every day with the decisions I made in my past."_

_I shifted on top of my mother then, our conversation starting to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable. _

"_Why are you telling me this?" I demanded shaking my head, because try as I might, I couldn't fathom why she felt she needed to share this information with me…especially now. It almost seemed as if there was something missing from the equation, something more that she wasn't telling me. _

_My mother swallowed hard, sighing heavily underneath me._

"_Several weeks after returning home from Paris I discovered I was pregnant…" _

_Oh Jesus._

_My heart stopped. _

"_Don't," I said as forcefully as I could in my weakened state. "Don't say anything more, momma." She didn't have to. I knew then exactly why she had wanted to tell me about her affair with Xavier._

"_You have the right to know who your father is, Bella," she said and I shook my head violently against her._

_  
"Please don't," I pleaded, tasting the salt from my tears as they dripped down my cheeks. "Please don't say it."_

"_Bella," she whispered. "Xavier Bertrand is your father."_

A profound silence enshrouded the apartment.

"So you never knew…you never suspected anything," Edward whispered in utter disbelief.

"No." I answered him quietly, shaking my head slowly back and forth. I sat small and defeated on the floor, my shoulders hunched forward and my head hung low, the burden of everything - of my entire life, just too much for me to bear in that moment.

"Bella…" Edward whispered my name softly, his voice laden with sorrow. "I…I don't know what to say…"

I looked up at him, into beautiful green eyes clouded by tears, and shook my head sadly.

"There's nothing really to say," I said honestly, my own eyes brimming with tears. And in an instant he was on the floor by my side, lovingly gathering me into his lap. I felt myself go limp in his arms as he crushed me against his chest.

"Oh God, my sweet, sweet girl," he whispered despairingly as he tenderly stroked the length of my hair down my back. "Is there anything you haven't had to endure?" I gasped, curling myself into his comforting embrace and fisting my hand in his shirt as I buried my face in his neck and wept like a child.

We sat together on the floor for a very long while, Edward cradling me in his arms and rocking me slowly back and forth as I cried. I clung to him desperately, craving his closeness, and in response his body folded gently around mine, enveloping me in his comfort and warmth. Occasionally he would press a small kiss to my head and whisper that he loved me, but otherwise we sat together quietly, the only sound to break the silence being that of my muffled sobs. I cried and cried until there were no more tears to be shed, and even then my body continued to tremble against his. Eventually though, I settled, and when I did, I sighed heavily, tucking my head up underneath Edward's chin.

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly.

"Whatever for, love?" He murmured, placing a kiss to my temple before resting his cheek atop my head. His arms continued to hold me close and though I remained small and vulnerable, his embrace helped me to feel loved and secure.

"For not telling you about Xavier," I said sadly as I flattened my palm against his heart. Edward hugged me tightly to him before gently pulling back. With his right arm still wrapped securely around my waist, he reached up with his left hand and tenderly cupped my face.

"You don't owe me any apologies, baby," he said sincerely while gazing down at me. "I just wish I understood why," he added softly, and I swallowed hard, lifting my head from his chest and looking away. Edward deserved an explanation, I just wasn't sure I had a legitimate one to give. But I knew I had to at least try, so I inched back off of his lap, sitting Indian style on the floor in front of him with our knees touching. I took a deep breath, counting to ten and exhaling slowly before I started to talk.

"I died on that mountainside, Edward," I began slowly, sadly. Edward swallowed hard at my words, reaching out to take one of my hands in his as I continued.

"When my mother told me that Charlie wasn't my father my entire world disintegrated. Everything I'd held to be true in my life was suddenly a lie. And my mother - this kind, beautiful person, who had always been so perfect in my eyes, wasn't faultless anymore. It was torturous for me, knowing that my mother had purposely lied to me and Charlie for all those years and that somewhere out there, there was a man who'd never had the chance to know his daughter and whose daughter would never have the chance to know him."

Edward regarded me pensively, shaking his head ever so slightly back and forth.

"You really thought you were going to die out there, didn't you," he interrupted quietly and I nodded solemnly.

"I did. I was certain that my mother and I would both die, and that neither my father nor Xavier would ever know the truth."

"But you didn't die," Edward added softly.

"No," I whispered wistfully. "I didn't. They found me, and when they did I had to face my father…Charlie, knowing he wasn't _really_ my father." I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat, reaching up to brush at the tears that were once again welling in my eyes. Edward sighed heavily in front of me. I looked up at him, into eyes that were both sympathetic and sad.

"I can't even begin to imagine how painful that must have been for you, baby," he said, his voice thick with anguish.

"He was the only father I'd ever known," I croaked as the dam burst. All pretenses of control were shattered as I clearly remembered Charlie's face, awash with relief that his daughter was alive. Only I wasn't really his daughter after all.

Seeing my despair, Edward reached out and pulled me tight against his chest.

"The guilt," I wailed while in his arms. "Oh God, Edward, the guilt I felt was suffocating. Why was I the one to survive? Why did God take Daniel from Charlie and leave him with me, a bastard?"

"Don't say that," Edward growled sharply, choking back his own sob. He held me to him tighter. "That can't be how Charlie feels." I sniffled against Edward's chest, drying my eyes on his shirt.

"If I'm being entirely rational, I know that it isn't," I admitted, "but it's how I felt then…and how I sometimes still feel now," I added quietly, and Edward shook his head in understanding, silently validating my feelings.

Again, Edward and I sat in silence for awhile, him holding and soothing me as I rested against his chest. Presently I pulled back from him, returning to sitting Indian style before him and he reached out to take my hand once again.

"We don't have to do this, baby. I can see how difficult this is for you, and I've heard enough. I don't need any more explanations. I don't want you to hurt," he said, reaching out with his free hand to ghost his fingers down my cheek. I sighed heavily, leaning into his touch.

"I want to," I said with a surprising amount of conviction, because as difficult as it was for me to do, it was also strangely liberating. I felt free in a way I hadn't in a very long time, free from a burden I'd shouldered alone for far too long.

"All right," Edward said, nodding his head and letting his hand drop from my cheek to my knee where he let it rest. "Can I ask you a question then?"

I nodded my head. "Yes."

"Does Charlie know?"

My eyes opened wide in shock.

"Of course!" I exclaimed, wondering how he could think otherwise. Edward breathed a visible sigh of relief.

"Did you tell him?" He asked tentatively, and I shook my head no.

"I was too afraid to. I'd already lost my mother and brother and I was terrified of losing my father…Charlie, too. I worried that if he knew about Xavier that he might not want me anymore," I said sadly, remembering clearly how frightened I'd been of being abandoned by Charlie. "I wasn't _his_ after all," I added as an afterthought. Edward shook his head at me.

"From what little I know of Charlie, he could never think that," he soothed and I smiled sadly at him.

"I know that now, but it was difficult for me to see that back then. I was so consumed by grief at losing my mother and Daniel and I couldn't bear the thought of losing my father, too. He was all I had left." Edward nodded in silent understanding.

"So how did Charlie find out then?" He asked quietly, and I laughed, a dark, sardonic sound escaping from my throat.

"It turned out that my mother left papers with their lawyer, to be opened in the event of her death, that detailed her relationship with Xavier including my true parentage," I answered. "So Charlie knew almost immediately that I wasn't his biological daughter, but I wasn't aware of it until weeks later when I accidentally walked in on him speaking with his lawyer about whether or not Xavier had any legal rights to me." Edward gasped and I shuddered, my eyes falling shut, as if doing so would banish the painful memory.

"It was awful, Edward," I continued slowly with an aching heart. "Charlie was horrified that I'd overhead him; he didn't know that I knew. And when I told him that I did - that my mother had told me on her deathbed, he broke down, sobbing inconsolably. The two of us were already a shattered, broken mess, and to have to deal with that on top of everything else was devastating. It was too much…for the both of us, it was just too much."

"So what happened then?" Edward asked tentatively as he rubbed his thumb soothingly over the top of my hand. "What happened once you both knew?"

"Charlie decided to contact Xavier. He said that he had the right to know the truth," I answered him quietly.

"How did you feel about that?"

"Scared…just very scared. I understood that he had the right to know, but again… I was terrified of losing Charlie. I'd already lost so much and the fear of losing my father…it was paralyzing. I didn't want to have anything to do with Xavier, and I made that very clear."

"Weren't you the least bit curious about him?" Edward wondered aloud, and I shook my head.

"At the time…no. I was grieving for my mother and brother, and desperate to keep what was left of the only family I knew in tack."

"How did Xavier react when Charlie told him?" Edward asked me a few moments later, and I snorted.

"It turned out he already knew," I said scathingly, and I sounded more bitter about it than I'd intended. Edward's eyes opened wide in shock.

"_He knew_?" He asked incredulously, and I nodded my head in affirmation.

"Yes."

"How?"

"Apparently my mother told him about the pregnancy early on and together they made the decision to let Charlie raise me as his own," I said sadly, and I paused as I remembered how hurtful it had been for me to learn that my biological father had known about my existence but had never made any attempt to get to know me. He'd lied to me, just as my mother had, and abandoned me without ever giving either one of us a chance to get to know the other. Edward shook his head in disbelief.

"Did you speak to him at all then?" He asked gently and I shook my head.

"No. I didn't speak to him until years later," I offered and Edward sighed. He swallowed hard, shaking his head as he struggled with what to say.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he finally said, and it was obvious he was aching for me and what I'd gone through. This is all so incredible. It must have been so difficult for you…"

"It was debilitating, Edward," I interrupted, "absolutely debilitating. My father and I were but shells of ourselves. We walked around the house like zombies, neither one of us saying much to the other, each of us choosing to suffer in private. Eventually it became too much for me to handle, and I completely shut down. That's when my father sent me to receive treatment."

"Oh God," Edward gasped, because he understand exactly what my father's decision had meant to me. "In the back of your mind, you must have been thinking…"

"…that maybe he sent me away because he didn't want me around any longer," I admitted shamefully. I knew that it had been completely unfair to Charlie for me to think that way, but I was only fourteen at the time…and I was terrified…and I'd just had my entire world flipped on end.

"And when you came home…" Edward persisted thoughtfully as he continued to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"…I vowed never to give him any reason to send me away again," I finished his thought for him.

"You buried your grief," he breathed, understanding I think for the very first time exactly how deep rooted my issues really were. I nodded sadly.

"And I guess that's why I am the way I am, today."

"Jesus Christ, Bella, this is so…"

"Fucked up, I know."

Edward sighed, desperately searching my face for something, though what that was, I wasn't sure. In some ways it seemed as if he were pleading with me for all of this not to be true, as if there were a possibility that I might snap my fingers and we'd both wake up from this insidious dream. But that wasn't possible, and he knew it was well as I did.

Edward leveled his eyes at me.

"Have you ever spoken with Charlie about any of this? About how you feel?" He asked gently, and I looked away, picking at the frayed hem of my jeans with my free hand.

"Not specifically."

"Don't you think that you should?" He encouraged, but I just shook my head as a single tear fell unbidden from my eye.

"This isn't easy for me," I said as I reached up to wipe the wetness away. "You realize I don't even speak about this with Alice. It's very difficult…it's just too difficult for me," I said as several more tears trickled down my cheeks. Edward sighed, gathering me into his arms yet again and doing his best to soothe me.

"Shush, don't cry love. I'm sorry." I snuggled close to him, letting myself be comforted by him.

"It's so hard, Edward. I feel like I don't have an identity," I lamented as I wept against his chest. "Ever since my mother died and I found out Xavier was my father, it's like I didn't even know who Bella Swan is anymore, and the only biological connection I have left in this world is a stranger to me."

"But you have a relationship with him. He was there at your concert tonight…" he mused.

"And I have no idea why," I appended, sniffling as I pulled away from Edward and dried my eyes on the sleeves of my sweater. "I've only ever met Xavier twice, and both were for very brief periods of time."

"So you don't have a relationship with him?" He asked curiously and I shrugged.

"I do, but not much of one. We talk on the phone from time to time, but it's very casual. I keep him at a distance. It's easier that way. Of course since meeting you, it's been necessary for me to speak with him more frequently. He needed to understand the potential consequences of the two of us being together," I explained. Edward cocked his head to the side then, studying me curiously.

"Potential consequences?" He repeated, somewhat puzzled.

"That some interested person might somehow discover that he's my biological father," I clarified and Edward stared at me blankly.

"Why would that be a problem?" He asked, genuinely bewildered by my response.

"Because nobody other than Charlie, Alice and Xavier knows that he's my father, Edward! All these years, we've kept it a secret." Edward's hand unconsciously slipped from mine as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Why?" He exclaimed, as if this made absolutely no sense at all, and I found that I was quickly becoming annoyed.

"Because, I'm ashamed!" I snapped defensively. "My mother had an affair, Edward. I don't want to be known as the bastard child of Renee Swan and I doubt Charlie wants his name and the memory of his wife to be sullied by a single mistake, either. And Xavier? He's a world renowned musician… suffice to say it would be embarrassing for us all," I said, hanging my head sadly.

An uncomfortable silence settled between us as Edward shifted so that he was now sitting with his back against the couch.

"Please don't refer to what happened as a mistake, Bella. That really bothers me," he whispered quietly a few moments later, and I looked up at him, meeting his steady gaze.

"I'm sorry, but that's how I feel," I said, because it was the truth. Edward sighed, running both of his hands up through his disheveled locks. He was frustrated with me, and I didn't understand why.

"You really feel that way? That you were a mistake?" He asked, and there was a hint of anger in his voice. "That your life has no value?" He added in exasperation.

"I was the product of an illicit affair that has ruined people's lives," I said plainly and he huffed loudly.

"It doesn't have to be that way, Bella!" He exclaimed. He stared at me out of achingly agonized eyes, imploring me to listen. "You've created this insanely complicated existence for yourself," he continued. " No wonder you feel ashamed, always looking over your shoulder wondering if somebody out there is going to uncover the truth, always running away from your biological father, always terrified of losing the man who raised you and who is, indubitably your _real_ father." I listened to him as he spoke, knowing that what he said was true, but also knowing that it didn't change a thing. And then I froze as first understanding, then anger flashed across Edward's face.

"Oh my God. Your interview with Jessica Stanley…she knows, doesn't she? That's why you gave her the interview, isn't it, to keep her quiet," he accused sharply.

"I'm not sure if she knows or not, but yes," I answered him quietly. "I couldn't take any chances. I didn't want to be responsible for creating a scandal right before your premiere."

Edward was on his feet in front of me in an instant, his face twisted in anger and disbelief.

"I'm not ashamed of you, Bella!" He roared, and I cringed away from him. "I never have been, nor could I ever be ashamed of you! I don't care about what happened to you in your past! Do you understand me? I don't care that your mother had an affair with a famous musician or that you were treated for depression after surviving a horrific accident or that you suffer from anxiety attacks! When are you going to understand that _none_ of that means anything to me," he said, his features softening. He fell to his knees in front of me then, reaching out to take my face in his hands. "Baby, the only thing that means anything to me is you," he whispered honestly, and I choked back a sob as his forehead fell against my own.

"I was just trying to protect you," I breathed against him, and he shook his head slowly against mine.

"I don't need you to protect me. I need you to trust me, baby."

"I do," I said honestly as I gazed up into his eyes. "I wouldn't be sitting here talking about all of this with you if I didn't. But it's difficult for me. I'm shackled to my past Edward, in so many ways, and it's strangling me. I can barely breathe sometimes. I just feel so…lost," I said, sighing heavily and hanging my head, but then I felt Edward's fingers gently tilt my chin upward so that my eyes once again met his own measured gaze.

"You're found now," he said with unwavering conviction.

"But I'm broken," I hedged sadly, and his hand moved to cup my face as the softest and most sincere of smiles graced his.

"You're beautiful to me."

I choked back a sob, feeling so unworthy of this man's devotion. I'd done nothing to deserve it, yet here he knelt across from me, loving and supporting me regardless of anything else. His soul was truly kind, and he humbled me. I blinked back tears as I gazed up at him, and he slowly shook his head back and forth.

"Don't," he whispered. "Don't look at me like you're not worth fighting for, because you are. And I will fight _for_ you and _with_ you every minute of every day for as long as it takes to make you feel whole again. I don't want for you to feel broken, baby. I want for you to feel happy. I want for us to be happy." And with that I threw my arms around him, pulling him to me tightly and weeping softly against his neck.

"I want for us to be happy too," I said and he held me to him tighter, bending his face to press soft kisses to the top of my head. He held me there on the floor as I once again cried in his arms, soothing me with his touch and gentle shushes and never once moving to pull away. It was a cathartic cry; the relief at having finally shared all of who I was with Edward was immense. Presently I lifted my head off of his shoulder and pulled back from him, wiping away the last of my tears before reaching down with my hands and taking both of his in mine.

"I have something I want to tell you," I said, and Edward cocked his head to the side, regarding me cautiously. I laughed lightly, and the sound of it was so out of place that it startled the both of us. We both chuckled as I smiled softly up at him.

"It's not bad," I assured him, feeling guilty that Edward was so anxious. "In fact, I think it will make you happy," I added shyly.

"What's that?" He asked, his eyes meeting mine in a hopeful, expectant gaze. I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before finally speaking.

"I've decided to give therapy another try," I said, and Edward's eyes opened wide in astonishment and awe as he slowly shook his head back and forth.

"But I thought you said you said you weren't willing to," he said, seeming hardly able to believe my words and I just shrugged.

"I finally realized I can't do this on my own. I've tried for nine years, and I'm no better off now than I was…then," I trailed off wistfully. "I need help, Edward, and I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by going," I said firmly and with conviction, and he reached out and grabbed me around my waist, pulling me to him again.

"My brave, brave girl, I know how difficult a decision this is for you," he murmured softly against my hair as he stroked the length of it with his hand, but I just shook my head.

"It's not, really. This doesn't affect just me anymore, it affects you too, and if I'm being honest, it's always affected Alice and my father."

"Xavier too, Bella. It affects him too," Edward gently reminded me.

"I suppose," I answered him absently. "But you and me…_we_ are my priority now. I want to get better for _us_," I said honestly as I met his gaze. Edward smiled softly down at me, reaching out to brush the hair from the side of my face.

"I'm very happy you feel that way," he said, "but I want you to get better for _you_, sweet girl. I'm committed to you regardless."

I leaned into Edward again, resting my head against his chest and sighing contentedly. I was physically and emotionally exhausted yet at the same time felt more relaxed and at ease than I had in a very long time.

"You're so good to me," I mused as I relished in the feeling of Edward's arms holding me tightly against him. He chuckled softly, kissing the top of my head.

"That's because I love you beyond reason," he teased before his voice grew more serious. "I hope you know that." I nodded against his chest.

"I do, baby. I would never have been able to share any of this with you if I didn't know that with complete certainty."

"Good," he murmured and we were both quiet for a moment before Edward spoke again. "I'll go with you if you want," he whispered softly against my hair as he squeezed me tight against his body. I lifted my head off of his chest then and looked up at him, bewildered by what he meant.

"Go where?" I asked.

"To therapy, of course," he responded as it if were the most obvious thing, and I couldn't help but laugh. He studied me curiously, gently pushing me away as he stared down at me, bemused by my laughter.

"What?" He asked innocently, and I laughed even louder as I threw my arms back around his neck and kissed him quickly on the lips.

"See, this is why I love you so," I murmured as my forehead came to rest against his.

"Why's that?" His eyes were alight with amusement and it warmed my heart. This evening had been a difficult one for us, and it felt good to let go of some of the angst.

"Because of your beautiful, selfless soul sweet boy. Can you imagine the headlines it would generate if the paparazzi snapped pictures of the two of us heading into a therapist's office together?"

"I don't care a thing about that," he said sincerely, shaking his head against mine. "I just want what's best for you."

"I know," I whispered, my eyes falling closed. "That's my case in point right there." Edward chuckled, his lips brushing against mine, and I realized in that moment that I hadn't _been_ with Edward since Saturday. I missed being with him, loving him and feeling close to him.

"Thank you," I said, holding his gaze as I rose to my knees and crawled forward so that I could sit in his lap. He stretched his legs out in front of him as I did so and I wrapped my legs around his back. I brought both of my hands to his face then, dragging them down both his cheeks.

"I love you," I whispered, and his lips were on mine, claiming them and me. He kissed me softly, reverently, taking his time and I could feel in that moment how much he loved me as we wove our hands into each other's hair, each of us binding ourselves to the other. And it felt so good not to have secrets anymore. I never wanted to keep another secret from this man again. And it felt reassuring to know that he loved me as deeply as he did, because even though I'd committed myself to going to therapy, I knew I would still need him and Alice to help me through. But I was truly hopeful now that together we could do this. And if it meant I could be with Edward and we could have our happily ever after, I would never give up trying.

Soon our kiss turned more urgent and I could feel Edward responding in kind underneath me. I groaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss, wanting him as much as he wanted me, and he groaned too - only he sounded more frustrated than he did lustful. I pulled back from him, reluctantly breaking our kiss.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he pulled his hands out of my hair and shifted me back on his lap some. I pouted and he chuckled, quickly placing a disappointingly chaste kiss to my lips.

"My damn phone has been vibrating in the back of my pocket for the past two hours and I really think I should answer it," he said and I sighed. I didn't have to ask who it was that was calling. In fact, I just put my hand out to him and he handed me the phone without asking. I scooted off Edward's legs and onto the floor, answering the phone in the process.

"Hey," I said softly, and the panicked voice of my very devoted best friend assaulted my ears.

"Oh my God, Bella," Alice exclaimed in exasperation. "Finally someone answers the phone! I've been worried sick about you! What in the _hell_ is going on? I saw Xavier Bella, he's here," she said, and she was speaking so fast she was tripping over her words.

"Calm down, Alice," I soothed gently in an attempt to settle her. "I'm fine. I'm sorry I worried you. Edward and I had some things we needed to work through together."

"How is he even here?" She asked, still sounding flustered. "I thought he was supposed to be in L.A. until tomorrow?" And I realized in that moment that I didn't actually know how Edward had managed to make it back for my performance. I cast a worried glance in his direction, hoping to God he hadn't blown off his meetings just to return to New York to see me perform.

"I'm not sure…he just showed up at the concert," I said, but before I could say anything else, Alice gasped.

"And what about Xavier, Bella? Do you have any idea how shocked I was to find him sitting in your dressing room? I nearly passed out! I thought I was hallucinating," she bellowed over the phone and I couldn't help but laugh.

"This isn't funny, Bella," she chastised. "I've been really worried."

"I know," I answered her apologetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. This whole evening has been so surreal, Alice, and my brain is totally fried."

"Did Edward meet him?"She asked hesitantly.

"He did."

"And?" She was obviously frustrated by my simple answer.

"And he knows everything now," I said, expounding only a little bit. I didn't want to get into a lengthy conversation with Alice right now.

"Thank God for that," she breathed in relief. "So everything is okay?"

"For now…" I said, trailing off as I considered the fact that while things were back on track with Edward, I'd all but run out on Xavier. And as if she was able to read my mind, Alice spoke up, telling me that Xavier had left his hotel information with her and that he'd like me to call him before he left for Paris on Friday.

"I think you should, Bella," Alice offered her opinion without my asking. "He flew all the way from Paris to see you," she said, reminding me when I didn't really need to be.

"I know," I said. Edward, who had disappeared into the bedroom a few minutes before, reappeared wearing only black silk pajama bottoms slung low on his hips. I felt myself go instantly warm as he strolled to my side and knelt down, pulling my hair back and placing a warm, wet kiss to my neck.

"Ugh," I groaned unthinkingly into the phone.

"Bella?" Alice called out my name, confused. "Are you okay?"

"Mmmhmm," I managed to say before Edward's tongue slipped out of his mouth to caress my neck.

Fuck.

"Alice, I've really got to go," I mumbled quickly into the phone and I thought I heard her mention something about bringing my things by for me in the morning, but I couldn't be sure because the phone now lay by my side on the floor, my hands having found their way into Edward's hair. Edward chuckled softly against my neck and his warm breath tickled my skin.

"Sorry about that," he said in a most unrepentant tone. "But all this talking has left me seriously wanting…" his voice trailed off as his lips met mine in a passionate kiss. He pulled away slowly moments later only to gaze into my eyes.

"Amazing," he murmured as his eyes opened wide in awe.

"What's that?" I asked, my heart warming at the angelic expression he wore on his face. He quickly reached down and grabbed my hand, placing it on his bare chest atop his rapidly beating heart.

"Do you feel that?" He asked, and I nodded, uncertain of why he was asking me.

"This is how it felt when I watched you play this evening. There are no words to describe how magnificent you were. Watching you play, my stomach did somersaults and my heart refused to be still," he said, and I gazed up at him in surprise, taken completely off guard by his unexpected and gushing praise. I ducked my head shyly, embarrassed by his words. He leaned in to kiss me again then, smiling against my lips.

"Get used to taking compliments, love," he murmured as he moved to lift me into his arms, "because I don't intend to miss any of your performances moving forward and something tells me there will be many more to come." Edward kissed me deeply then, leading me into the room to where I knew he planned to make sweet love to me.


	23. Optimism

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks to **skyeblue0610** for her awesome beta skills.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Several of you have asked how long this story will run for and I honestly cannot say. I am not what I would consider to be an organized author. I loathe outlines and refused to use one even when writing my master's thesis. This story is meant to narrate the emotional journey of two young adults as they fall in love and struggle to find themselves through each other. I like taking my time when telling stories, but hope that in the process that all of you don't become bored. I'm sure you'll let me know if you do! In any event, I would say we're about half way through with the story I mean to tell, but that could always change.

* * *

**Chapter 23: Optimism**

**EPOV**

I lay in bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling, with Bella nestled snugly by my side. We'd finished making love hours ago and Bella had soon fallen fast asleep in my arms. But despite being completely and utterly exhausted, sleep had yet to claim me.

It had been a _long_ day. Glancing at the clock on Bella's bedside table I saw that it was nearly five in the morning; I'd been up for close to 24 hours straight and I was feeling the effects. But my mind was racing with everything that had happened last evening and I couldn't seem to find the 'off' switch to put it to rest.

I felt badly about how last evening had started out. I knew that I had completely overreacted and caused a very public scene in the middle of Lincoln Center, but everything had happened so quickly that I didn't really have a moment's time to try and process it all in a rational manner. Instead, I went with what I felt in the moment, and when I found Bella standing in the doorway to her dressing room with a very tall and attractive man referring to her as his fucking sweetheart, I was blinded by both confusion and anger. I'd gone to great lengths and pulled in some heavy favors to rearrange my schedule so that I could fly from California to New York to surprise Bella at her performance, only to find her alone with a doting stranger. I'd stormed away from her, really just needing to put some distance between the two of us to try and calm down and collect my thoughts, when I heard her calling after me to please wait. And then, when I turned around to face her, she stunned me even further with her words.

"Xavier is my father."

_What the fuck. _I had not under any circumstances been expecting to hear _that_. And I was immediately overcome by a barrage of emotions, many of which were not even identifiable. My initial reaction was that of unadulterated shock. All along, Bella had referred to her father as Charlie. Never once had she given any indication that he wasn't her father, not even when we'd traveled together to be with him over Thanksgiving.

The shock I felt at hearing her confession very quickly gave way to intense anger and hurt. Truly, I was devastated by her admission and I couldn't help but wonder how she could have kept something like that from me and perhaps more importantly, _why_? Hadn't I earned her trust? Over and over again I'd pledged to stick by her side and support her no matter what, yet she elected to keep something as important as the true identity of her father a secret? The knowledge that Charlie wasn't her actual father burned me even more when I thought of how I'd actually spoken to him about marrying his daughter, when in fact Bella wasn't his daughter at all.

Suddenly it was all too much for me. The past few days it seemed everything I thought I knew about the people I considered to be the most important in my life wasn't really true at all. I'd been betrayed by Daniella only to fly to New York to find that I'd been betrayed by Bella, too. And I knew in that moment I had to get out of there. Xavier's presence vaguely registered with me as he urged Bella and me to continue our discussion in private, but I knew I couldn't just duck into an empty dressing room and hash this out with Bella there. I needed to leave Lincoln Center, to get away from the stunned expressions of total strangers staring at Bella and me in the hall, and into a safer environment. I wanted to go _home_.

I stalked towards the door at the end of the hall, hearing Bella call after me but fearing I'd cause more of a scene if I turned to face her than if I just hurried out the door and away from the shameless spectators. Once outside I'd demanded the keys to the car from Ronald, and while he'd undoubtedly been shocked by Bella's frantic appearance, he'd given the keys to me and Bella scrambled into the car as I moved around back to the driver's side. Once inside I noticed that Bella was shaking uncontrollably and I winced as I realized she'd run after me without giving any thought to grabbing her jacket. She was obviously freezing, so I reached into the back seat and grabbed my coat, placing it on her lap. She pulled it around her shivering torso hungrily, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply as a small tear slid from her left eye, down her cheek.

"You're so angry with me," she'd whispered, and it had been my undoing. I turned to her, realizing she was hurting just as much as I was and finding myself softening as I spoke to her. I wasn't really angry anymore, instead I felt somewhat ashamed at how I'd reacted. I'd tried to explain to her that I wasn't angry with her, but rather confused, but she'd all but shut down when I'd referred to spending Thanksgiving with a man I thought was her father.

"Charlie is my father," she'd snapped, and I'd settled on leaving well enough alone until we arrived home.

Once back at the apartment building she'd asked me to come inside, her voice small and timid, and I'd felt a twinge of remorse as I realized that she'd considered the idea that I might not want to. _Of course I wanted to come inside_. I wanted to be able to sit down with her and talk about why it was she'd kept such an important part of who she was from me, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fathom why she'd ever thought it necessary to lie to me about who her real father was. It made absolutely no sense to me, and I wanted so desperately to understand what she was thinking so that we could deal with it and move forward.

I nodded, indicating my desire to go upstairs with her and she breathed a visible sigh of relief which only served to tug at my heart even more. I'd been an ass in reacting the way that I had and as we rode in the elevator up to our floor, I felt her inch towards me nervously, seeking me out yet obviously scared to reach for me. So I reached for her. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, trying to communicate to her that I was sorry, and that _we_ were okay, and that _we_ would work through this…whatever 'this' was.

I thought about that as she moved wordlessly into her room - I assumed, to change. I thought about how even though it had only been less than three months since we'd met each other, that our lives were inextricably linked now if not by fate, then by love. In this short time we had grown dependent on each other in every sense of the word and I knew that if we were to make it through difficult times, we'd have to do it _together_. Bella needed me to listen to her now, not judge her or attack her for being dishonest. This wasn't about me. It was about her. Still, I wanted…needed to know why she'd felt she had to be dishonest with me and when she emerged from her room and our eyes locked from across the way, I asked her.

"Why didn't you tell me about him, Bella?" I asked quietly. And she proceeded to tell me a story I could never have imagined as being true. My heart ached for Bella, for the emotional trauma she'd had to endure in discovering her mother had had an illicit affair. My poor, sweet girl had been traumatized by her decision to stay by her mother's side instead of going for help, only to be traumatized even further when told her life was nothing but a lie. Everything she'd known to be true…was not. The one thing she had left in this world…her father…Charlie, wasn't really her father after all.

I'd gone to Bella early on, falling to my knees and clutching her to me as she sobbed against my chest. I'd cried with her, listening to her and doing my best to soothe her as she detailed the weeks after the accident. Every bone in my body ached for her as she shared her feelings of guilt at being alive, of wondering why God had chosen her over Daniel. She felt so unworthy, and it broke my heart…broke it even more to know that instead of working through these very understandable feelings, she'd buried them deep inside for fear she'd be sent away again if she didn't put on a brave face.

Bella and I sat together on the floor for a very long time, me intermittently holding her when she needed release and her otherwise sitting on the floor across from me, recalling her very sad and troubled past. Through it all we'd kept contact …our knees touching, her hand in mine, my eyes holding hers. I needed that connection as much as I knew she did. I needed her to know that her sorrow was my sorrow, her pain was my pain, and that from that point forward, we would endure this together. I think Bella sensed that, because slowly I'd felt her body relax against mine. And what had begun as anguished sobs gradually transformed into quiet sighs until finally she settled quietly against my chest.

A little while later she'd announced to me that she'd decided to attend therapy again, and I was at once surprised and humbled by her strength and resolution to try and take back control of her life. For so long, her life hadn't been her own. In her own words, she'd been shackled to her past, and needed help in learning to let go. My heart swelled with love and pride, knowing she was willing to do this for me…for _us_. Of course I wanted her to do it for her, but I couldn't help but feel relieved that _we_ were a priority for her, too. I was in this for the long run regardless, and I sensed now that she was too. I was no longer afraid of losing her to her dark past. Together we would bring light to our present and future.

I wasn't naïve. I understood that Bella had a long way to go to overcome her traumatic past. She had an immeasurable amount of healing to do, and I was certain that Xavier would play a key role in helping her to do this. Bella seemed somewhat resistant to embrace him as a part of her life though, and I knew that would need to change. But we had time to work through that. For now, I sensed her relief at having finally shared her secret with me, and I understood better than she might think what it meant to question one's own identity. Of course my own questions arose from an entirely different set of circumstances, but still, I knew what it felt like to try and navigate life as a shell, to try and understand who and what you were when it seemed somebody else was always pulling the strings. I hoped I could be a comfort to her, knowing she wasn't the only one who felt lost. She'd already helped me to begin to find myself again, and I would help her to do the same.

"Edward?" Bella stirred at my side. I realized I'd been absently trailing my fingers up and down the silky smooth skin of her arm and I immediately felt guilty that I'd awakened her.

"Shh. Go back to sleep, baby," I crooned in her ear as I bent to kiss her head. She yawned, snuggling in closer against me and I tightened my hold around her. She reached up with her left hand and started lightly brushing her finger tips over the hair on my chest before turning her head to kiss me softly.

"Why are you awake? It's so late," she murmured, resting her head back on my chest.

"Just thinking," I said as I continued to rub up and down the length of her arm.

"Care to share?" She asked quietly and I chuckled softly. It didn't escape my notice that Bella liked to discuss things in the dead of the night. I guessed I could understand. For whatever reason, it seemed easier to be completely honest with someone when shrouded in darkness. It felt comforting and safe to be wrapped tightly in each other's arms, too, each of us unwittingly soothing the other with soft kisses and tender touches.

"I was just thinking to myself how relieved I was that you decided to be honest with me…about everything," I answered her, and she nodded against my chest.

"Not half as relieved as I am, baby," she murmured, leaning in once again to place a soft kiss to my chest. I shivered slightly at the feel of her lips on my bare skin and I felt her smile against me. "Truthfully, I feel _emancipated_, Edward," she continued more seriously. "I never would have thought that I could feel so free just from sharing my past with you, but I do. It's like after all this time, I can finally breathe. I actually have hope, where there was none before. You're my redemption," she added softly and I sighed heavily, warmed by her words.

"I don't ever want there to be any secrets between the two of us," I said. "Not anymore. First and foremost we need to know that we can trust each other implicitly with _anything_."

"I do," Bella affirmed without hesitation.

"I do, too," I said as I turned my head to kiss her forehead. We lay together quietly, each of us soothing and centering the other with our gentle touches. I raked my fingers through the long locks of her hair, dragging my hand up and down her back as she gently swept her thumb back and forth across the center of my chest. I wished that we could lie like that forever, locked in our loving embrace. Everything seemed so simple when we lay together in the dark.

"I'm sorry," I whispered a little while later and she lifted her head off of my chest to gaze at me.

"What for?" She asked curiously, tilting her head to one side.

"That I doubted you…if only for a moment," I said, feeling somewhat ashamed. She stared at me bewildered, shaking her head slowly back and forth. She didn't understand.

"Doubted me…how?" She asked, puzzled.

"When I saw you with Xavier…I ran from you without giving you a chance to explain," I clarified.

"Good Lord, Edward," she interjected passionately, "I'm not at all upset with you for how you reacted. I'm sure I would have reacted the same way if the roles had been reversed." I exhaled a sigh of relief that she wasn't upset with me.

"It's easy to be secure in what you feel when you're lying in bed wrapped in your lover's arms, touching and loving that person and physically _showing_ them how you feel," she continued. "But sometimes that sense of security…that faith in what you share, momentarily slips away when faced with stressful…and shall we say _unexpected_ circumstances. What really matters is that you realize now you made a mistake, just like I made a mistake in not being honest with you about Xavier. We can both learn a lesson here and promise to always talk to each other first, to trust in each other and what we share. I trust you, Edward, and I _feel_ that you trust me, too. That trust gives me strength and confidence that despite everything, we have the ability to overcome anything." I lay beside Bella, completely taken aback by her words.

"Wow…" I said, unable to find the proper words to express exactly how I felt. "You're suddenly so…optimistic." Bella laughed, the sweet sound of it causing my eyes to fall shut in sheer pleasure. I inhaled deeply, as if I tried hard enough I might be able to physically breathe her in.

"I guess I am," she said slowly, as if understanding for the first time what her words really meant. "I don't know, Edward, it's almost like I've been teetering on the edge of some giant abyss for so long and I've finally decided to reach out and grab a hand…your hand, baby, to keep from falling in. I'm grabbing your hand, and asking for help, trusting that you won't let go."

"I won't," I assured her, squeezing her body tightly to mine.

"I know," she said, quietly nodding against me before turning her head and scattering several soft kisses about my chest.

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy," she murmured as she pulled herself atop me and rested her head between the palms of her hands, gazing at me out of beautifully relaxed eyes. "But you know everything there is to know about me now, and you haven't run yet," she teased as she leaned in to press a sweet kiss to my lips. I groaned as she shifted against me, the action causing delicious friction between my legs. I had to suppress the very sudden urge I felt to thrust into her with my hips.

"I've told you all along that I won't leave you," I reminded her, reaching out to twirl a lock of her hair between my fingers. She smiled lightly at me.

"I know, but I'm not sure I've truly believed it until now," she said as she leaned forward again and kissed me with more vigor. "You _must_ love me if you can so easily forgive me for being dishonest with you," she murmured against my lips as she slipped her tongue inside of my mouth, tasting me briefly. She pulled away too soon, reaching up with her left hand to lightly brush her fore and middle fingers across the arch of my eyelid. "You _must_ love me if you can feel my pain as deeply as _I_ do," she whispered as she stared at me tenderly. "And you _must_ love me if you can vow to stand by me, in spite of everything and come what may," she said as she hoisted herself up my body and crushed her lips to mine.

"I do. God, I love you so much, baby," I murmured against her lips as I wove my fingers into her hair, holding her face firmly against mine. I was frantic to taste her now and thrust my tongue inside her mouth. I was rewarded with a low moan that started in the back of her throat and reverberated along the length of her tongue as it stroked the inside of my mouth.

I gave into temptation then, pushing my hips up into her, telling her with my movement how much I wanted her. She responded in kind, pressing herself firmly against me and moaning in approval at my growing erection. I snaked my legs around her then, locking our bodies together as our kiss grew deeper. I tried to take my time, showing her with my mouth and my hands what it was that she meant to me, but my body was desperate for hers, my dick throbbing with need. Bella seemed to sense this as she gently extricated her legs from mine and slid down my chest, dragging her tongue in a perfectly straight, tantalizingly wet line from my sternum to my navel. I groaned, exhaling sharply as she paused, staring up at me from under her thick brown lashes and smiling coyly as she bent to lick my head. Her tongue laved across the top of it before she gently sucked the tip into her mouth.

"Mmm," she murmured as her eyes burned into mine. "My but you are delectable."

_Fuck_. I felt my dick twitch and I whimpered, spreading my legs wider to allow her more room to maneuver. At the same time, I reached out with both my hands and placed them on the back of her head, applying gentle pressure and urging her to take me fully into her mouth.

"Patience baby," she scolded gently as she resisted my request, choosing instead to gently squeeze my scrotum as she licked the length of my shaft. I writhed underneath her, kneading my hands into her hair and gently pumping my hips upward. I felt her smile against me as she kissed the tip of my dick.

"Tell me what you want, baby," she murmured as her tongue once again laved my head. She swirled her tongue in circles around me this time before gently nipping me with her teeth. I cried out, my hips thrusting upward as I silently begged her to take me.

"Tell me Edward," she commanded as she brought herself to her knees. She grabbed the base of my dick in her right hand and started pumping slowly up and down.

"Is this what you want?" She asked, teasing. Her eyes were heavy with desire for _me_. I shook my head no.

"Is this what you want?" She asked as she slowly bent to take me into her mouth, but she paused, her mouth hovering agonizingly close to me. Her tongue flicked out to taste me, and I almost came right then and there.

"Yes!" I panted, trying once again to guide her mouth down onto my painfully erect dick. I wanted her so badly, needed her so desperately…

"Then tell me," she growled. "Tell me what you want," she commanded again and I complied.

"I want you to _suck me hard_," I roared as she grasped the base of my dick with one hand and cupping me with the other, went down on me.

I gasped, crying out her name as she licked and sucked me for all she was worth. I moaned, rolling my hips softly, pushing myself deeper into her throat. My fingers threaded into her hair, kneading and scratching as she reduced me to a whimpering fool beneath her, but fuck if I cared.

"That's it, baby. Fuck, you make me feel so good," I murmured as I beheld the glorious vision before me. Bella looked up at me then holding my hooded gaze with her own, and I felt the muscles in my groin coil as I neared my release.

"I'm gonna…I'm gonna come, baby," I cried as I bucked my hips against her face and she responded by sucking me harder until I exploded with a roar, coming against the back of her throat.

"Holy fuck!" I yelled, panting heavily as she released me. "You'll ruin me," I only half teased as I pulled her against my chest. She was breathing hard too, but managed to laugh with me, curling her body against mine and hugging me close. I raked my fingers through her hair, peppering kisses across the top of her head as my body slowly relaxed, descending from its climatic high. Soon I lowered my hands to her hips, tugging gently, silently requesting for her to sit up. She did, and the way in which she looked at me nearly wrecked me. She gazed at me adoringly as her right hand slowly stroked my chest. I gazed back at her, slowly licking my lips.

"Are you going to let me return the favor?" I asked, my voice rough and seductive as I pulled her hips towards my face. She smiled lightly at me as she rocked her wet sex against my chest, obviously aroused by the thought, but instead of moving forward she leaned in and placed a soft kiss to my lips.

"It pains me to decline your offer, but I have an early morning class and I can't be late. Perhaps we could continue where we left off…_later_?"

I groaned as she continued to grind her wetness against me and I felt my dick start to harden yet again.

"Don't start something you can't finish, baby," I admonished gently before reaching up with my hands to playfully tweak her nipples. She gasped, stilling her provocative rocking before collapsing atop my chest in an uncontrolled fit of laughter.

"What?" I asked, feigning hurt. She'd effectively killed my libido, but I didn't really mind…not too much, anyway.

"It's nothing," she managed to say as she rolled off my chest. She bent to place a very chaste kiss to my lips before crawling to the side of the bed. "You just looked so serious," she teased as she tossed a pillow at me.

"_Don't start something you can't finish, baby_" she mocked as she straightened her back and pointed her finger at me. I growled reflexively, springing from up from my back and tackling her, pinning her down underneath me as she struggled to break free.

"Careful, love," I warned, very _seriously_. "Remember what happened to you the last time you teased me," I said before reaching between the two of us to tickle her belly. Bella squirmed beneath me then gasped as I leaned my head closer to hers and licked the length of her neck with the tip of my tongue.

"Better go take that shower so you won't be late for class," I murmured into her ear as I rolled off of her, laughing. She huffed, sitting up and pouting playfully at me before her face broke out into a wide grin. I sighed, staring at her heartwarming, dazzling smile and winked at her as she climbed off the bed.

Twenty minutes later I lay in bed rubbing my bleary eyes. I'd _still_ yet to sleep, but I figured I could waste my time doing that once Bella had left for the day. I had precious little time with her and I refused to waste it sleeping. I listened as the water shut off in the bathroom and I rose from bed, still naked, and wandered into the bathroom. It was hot and steamy…and erotic as hell. Bella stood before the vanity, a skimpy towel wrapped around her torso, conveniently exposing the delicious curves of her behind. I moved behind her, snaking my arms around her waist and bending to kiss her neck as I pressed my erection into her back. She smiled at me in the mirror before admonishing me gently.

"Behave," she said, and I immediately backed away from her, acting appropriately contrite. She gasped, backpedaling quickly.

"Edward I didn't mean…"

I struggled to contain my laughter as I peered up at her and when she met my expression in the mirror, she giggled, shaking her head. I moved behind her, taking her in my arms again and gently nipping at her ear.

"Mmm," she murmured as her body settled back against mine. "You have my permission to ravish me in my sleep when you come home from work tomorrow morning." I hummed my approval as I kissed the curve of her neck.

"Ugh, Edward," Bella whined as she shook her head in an apparent attempt to rid it of its lusty haze. She grabbed her brush off the counter then and began running it through her hair.

"Ouch!" She cried out as the brush snarled in her hair and I immediately pulled back from her, gently extricating the brush from her hand.

"Allow me," I said and I slowly began working the brush through her hair, taking care to remove the tangles at the bottom first before working my way up to the top.

"Where on earth did you learn to brush hair like that?" She all but moaned. Her head lolled to the side as I gently brushed around the curve of her ear and I chuckled softly.

"Rosalie," I murmured in response. Bella stiffened slightly at my words, her eyes suddenly alert and her head cocked curiously to one side as she stared at me disbelievingly in the mirror.

"_Rosalie? Really_?" She mouthed and I roared with laughter as I realized what she was thinking.

"It was nothing like that, Bella," I assured her and she relaxed against me, once again relishing in the feel of the brush running through her hair.

"Rosalie used to make Emmett and me play with Barbie dolls," I explained, rolling my eyes humorously at the memories as I continued to meticulously remove all of the snarls from Bella's flowing locks.

"You're kidding me," she gasped, unable to conceal the smirk that stretched across her face.

"Sadly, no," I admitted. "She's a very strong willed woman, Bella. You'll see when you meet her in a couple of weeks. It's not often she doesn't get her way." I smiled warmly as I spoke of her because even though Rosalie could be what I liked to refer to as _challenging_ at times, we'd been friends forever and I loved her as if she were my own sister.

"I'm looking forward to it," Bella said softly, catching me off guard with her honesty and I sighed, smiling at her in the mirror.

"Me too, baby. Me too."

I brushed through her hair one last time, smoothing it down her back before laying the brush on the counter.

"All done," I whispered into her ear as I bent to kiss her neck one last time. "I'll leave you to dress now." Bella sighed contentedly, blowing me a kiss in the mirror as I turned to leave.

Back in the room I managed to dig my pajama bottoms out from underneath the pile of covers that lay in a crumpled mess atop the bed. I put them on and was about to crawl back under the covers when I heard the doorbell ring. Bella shouted from the bathroom, asking me to please answer the door.

"It's probably Alice," she called. I sighed, rummaging around for a t-shirt to throw on over my pajama bottoms before walking out into the living room to answer the door. As Bella had expected, it was Alice. She greeted me enthusiastically, standing on her tiptoes and throwing her arms around me in a warm embrace.

"Hey there," she said, smiling up at me as she stepped back.

"Hey yourself," I said, stepping to the side so that she could pass into the apartment. I shut the door behind her.

"Where's Bella?" She asked curiously as I moved into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

"I'm in here!" Bella yelled from the room. "I'll be right out!"

Alice turned to me, regarding me cautiously.

"How are you?" She asked tentatively, and I couldn't help but laugh at her suddenly serious demeanor.

"I'm fine Alice, and you?" I winked at her and Alice huffed, rolling her eyes in frustration.

"That's not what I meant, Edward. I meant, _how are you_?" She asked me again and I smiled warmly at her.

"I'm fine Alice…really. Thank you for asking. This last week has been a little…" I paused as I searched for an appropriate word to describe the last seven days. "It's been a little bizarre, to be quite honest, but I'm feeling optimistic that that's all going to change now," I said sincerely.

"Bella told you about Xavier?" She asked quietly, though she already knew the answer to that question, and I nodded my head in affirmation.

"She did. We had a very long and emotionally charged conversation about him last night. But it was cathartic, I think…for her - maybe for me as well. I don't know. I understand her better now, where she's coming from, why she feels the way that she does," I mused.

"How's Bella?" She lowered her voice to a near whisper to avoid Bella hearing her and I shrugged.

"Better than she _was_, I hope. She seems to be more optimistic, more confident not only in her _need_ but also in her _ability_ to confront her past, which I have to say makes me feel incredibly relieved."

"That's good to hear," Alice agreed before leveling her eyes seriously at me once again.

"Did she talk at all about seeing Xavier? He's leaving tomorrow and really wants to spend some time with her." I shook my head.

"No. She's very hesitant to…" I started to speak, but before I could finish my sentence Bella stepped out into the living room, making a beeline for Alice and pulling her into a tight hug.

"Hey sweetie," Alice crooned lovingly as she tossled Bella's hair. Bella pulled away and turned to face me.

"I'm very hesitant to what?" She asked me curiously, putting me on the spot. My mouth went dry and I swallowed hard, absently running both my hands up into my hair. I didn't want her to think we were talking about her behind her back.

"I was just going to mention to Alice that you seem hesitant to embrace Xavier," I said honestly, figuring I may as well tell her how I felt. Bella's beautiful, carefree smile fell as she walked towards the kitchen, brushing past me to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"Of course I am," she muttered tersely. "Would you expect anything less?" She challenged, her voice softening some.

"Bella," Alice interrupted. "I don't think he meant to criticize."

"I didn't" I quickly affirmed and Bella sighed.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, hanging her head and taking a deep breath. "I'm just anxious. I know I need to decide whether or not to meet with Xavier before he leaves, but I honestly don't know if I want to."

"He wants to see you," Alice said. "We went for a coffee last night, Bella. We had a lovely talk." Alice spoke cautiously, clearly anticipating Bella's reaction.

"You what?" She cried. "Why would you do that?" She asked, obviously deeply hurt that Alice had met with Xavier without her knowledge.

"Calm down, Bella," Alice scolded sharply, and I was amazed at how Bella reacted to her words. She stood quiet and contrite, allowing Alice to explain. It occurred to me in that moment just how maternal Alice's interactions with Bella were. In many ways, Alice was Bella's Renee now.

"You left the man standing in the middle of Lincoln Center, Bella. He was worried about you and I suggested we go somewhere and have a coffee. I thought you'd prefer that attention not be drawn to his presence at your recital."

Bella nodded, taking a sip of her coffee as she listened intently to what Alice had to say.

"Go on," she said. Alice sighed.

"He feels badly about not calling you before coming, Bella, but he was worried you might tell him not to if he did and he wanted to see you."

"But why?" Bella cried out in exasperation. I moved to her, pulling her back gently against my chest and wrapping my arms securely around her stomach.

"You're his daughter, Bella, and whether you care to admit it or not, the man has feelings for you. He just wants a chance to talk to you. That's all. He told me the two of you have been conversing more frequently on the phone and he wanted the chance to speak with you in person. Your recital was the perfect opportunity, he thought," Alice said by way of explanation. Bella shook her head against me.

"Our conversations are purely business," she said coolly.

"Business?" I inquired curiously from behind. Bella sighed heavily, pulling away from my arms and turning to face me.

"Yes, _business_," she repeated herself, clearly annoyed. "I explained about that already. I needed for Xavier to understand that there was a good chance our secret would be exposed now that we're together. That's the extent of what we discussed."

"But Bella," Alice interjected, "don't you think that for that precise reason you ought to try and spend some time with him now? Because we all know it's just a matter of time before some press outlet discovers he's your father. Won't things be easier for you when that happens if you have a somewhat cordial relationship with him?" She suggested softly.

"Alice makes a good point, love," I said and Bella rolled her eyes.

"Jesus, what is this? Did the two of you decide to tag team me? Shouldn't this be my decision?" Bella moved past me and into the living room where she started furiously hunting for her shoes.

"Damn it, Johann," she yelled, her anger clearly displaced. "Where did you take my shoes?"

Alice's eyes flitted nervously in my direction as I walked into the living room and over toward the couch where Bella was on her hands and knees, looking for her shoes under the couch. I sat down beside her and when she pulled herself to her knees, she looked up at me and I could see the tears brimming in the back of her eyes.

"Of course it's your decision," I reassured her, and she laid her head on my thigh, snuggling against me. I reached out and smoothed her hair down her back.

"Do you think it would help if you called Charlie and told him you were going to see Xavier?" I asked, wondering if her concern for Charlie's feelings might be what was keeping her from agreeing to meet with Xavier. Bella stiffened slightly at my suggestion and I knew immediately my suspicion was founded.

"Call him, Bella," I urged her. She lifted her head from my lap to look at me. "Call him. I'm certain he'll understand. You shouldn't have to worry about that," I said. Alice moved over to the couch then and sat down across from me.

"Edward is right, Bella. If you're worried about how Charlie will feel, don't. He's always been in favor of you establishing a relationship with Xavier," she gently reminded and Bella sighed.

"All right," she acquiesced quietly. "I'll call and see if he wants to meet somewhere for dinner."

I breathed a sigh of relief, my eyes darting in Alice's direction, watching as she too, visibly relaxed.

"Good," Alice said. "It's the right thing to do, Bella." Bella nodded half heartedly before rising to her feet and hollering at Johann for hiding her shoes. I chuckled softly as did Alice, and when Bella disappeared into her room Alice turned to me and thanked me.

"If she hadn't of met you, I doubt she'd be any different today than she was nine years ago. But you've changed her, Edward. You've given her hope, something worth fighting for. I can't tell you how happy that makes me."

"Shouldn't I be the one thanking you?" I mused as I smiled at her. "You're an incredible friend, Alice. I don't think she could have made it this far without you," I said very seriously. Alice smiled a small, wistful smile.

"It's not always been so difficult, Edward. In the beginning, yes…she was an absolute wreck. But over time, she sort of just accepted her life as it was and she did a good job of surviving. She's stronger than you think. But when she met you, that all changed. Suddenly she was faced with having to confront her past, and though it's obviously extremely frightening for her, I can see that she's ready and willing to do it now, with our help, of course."

"She's agreed to therapy," I said quietly, validating Alice's thoughts, and her eyes opened wide.

"You didn't know?" I asked, surprised that Bella hadn't shared this with Alice.

"_No…she didn't_," Bella answered my question from somewhere behind us and I groaned.

"You know, I really wish the two of you would stop discussing me as if I wasn't here," she teased and I breathed a sigh of relief at her good -natured attitude. She was obviously in a better mood than she had been minutes before and I smiled as she leaned over the couch and kissed my cheek.

"When did you decide that?" Alice interjected incredulously. Bella shrugged.

"On the plane back from L.A. last Saturday," she said casually, and it was my turn to be surprised. She hadn't said anything to me about seeing a therapist before last night. Bella chuckled softly.

"Sorry, guys. I didn't mean to keep either of you out of the loop, but I wanted to tell Edward in person. I didn't think it was something I should tell him over the phone. It's a pretty big deal for me."

"I'll say," Alice quipped in agreement. She gazed proudly in Bella's direction.

"I've actually got my first appointment with a therapist this afternoon," Bella said and both Alice and I gaped at her.

"This afternoon?" I asked, somewhat surprised by the speed at which she'd arranged for therapy but at once elated. She was obviously serious about trying to get help.

"Yes," she laughed, moving around the side of the couch to perch on my lap.

"That's wonderful!" Alice beamed at Bella as Bella bent to place a chaste kiss to my lips.

"Don't go getting your hopes up too quickly," Bella warned, looking first at me and then Alice. "I've promised myself to at least try to talk to somebody, but f it doesn't work out, I don't want either one of you making me feel guilty," she said and Alice and I grew serious simultaneously.

"Of course not," Alice said, echoing my thoughts. "It's your decision, Bella, not anybody else's. I just ask that you give it a fair chance and understand that…"

"It's not going to be easy," Bella finished Alice's sentence for her. "I know," she whispered softly, knowingly.

"So," Bella said, turning to face me once again and smiling brightly at me. "I was wondering what your schedule was like this afternoon?" She asked, her eyes alight with glee, and I narrowed mine at her.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well…" she began slowly, coyly, "I was wondering if you might want to meet me somewhere for lunch." I sat perfectly still, stunned speechless by her request. Was she really asking what I _thought_ she was asking? Did she really want to meet me for lunch…in public?

"Meet you for lunch, _where_?" I finally managed to say in an effort to confirm what she'd meant, and she smiled, her entire face lighting up.

"Any restaurant of your choice," she said confidently and I gasped, shaking my head.

"Really?" I asked, hardly able to believe her.

"Really," she stated, seemingly full of self-assurance. "I don't want to hide anymore," she added and my heart nearly burst for love for this woman. But as much as I wanted nothing more than to take Bella to lunch, there was a part of me that was worried.

"Baby…I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we don't have to tackle everything at once. You've got a big day ahead of you, what with meeting with your therapist for the first time and later, seeing Xavier…" My voice trailed off as Bella smiled angelically at me, quietly shaking her head.

"None of that matters, Edward. I want to have lunch with you, in public. That's what couples do isn't it? They eat lunch out together, right?" She teased.

"The paparazzi are never far away, Bella," I said, offering her a sobering thought.

"There couldn't be that many," she scoffed. "It's not like this is a pre-planned public appearance."

"I have one word for you," I answered her back. "Twitter." Bella rolled her eyes at me then.

"Oh for the love of God, Edward, you're being awfully difficult here," she teased and I smiled. She was nothing if not eager.

"All right, then. If you want to give it a go, I'm certainly game. We could try a small Mexican restaurant some of the crew has recommended to me. It's out of the way, so we have a better chance of going undetected," I said and Bella beamed at me, bending to kiss me.

"Thank you!" She squealed enthusiastically and I chuckled against her lips. I wasn't sure how the mood in this apartment had managed to shift so dramatically during the course of the past twelve hours, but I wasn't complaining. I was energized by Bella's newfound determination to embrace change and was hopeful it would set her on a course to heal. Because at the end of the day, all that really mattered to me was that Bella felt happy and whole.

Very soon the girls left the apartment with Bella agreeing to meet me at the restaurant at half past two. I sighed as I dragged my weary body back to bed, setting the alarm before crawling under the covers. Minutes later, sleep finally claimed me and I slept sounder than I had in weeks.

**Please take the time to review! Writing this story is definitely a labor of love, and I'm writing it as much for you all as I am for myself. Thank you. **


	24. Turn the Tide

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks to **skyeblue0610** for her awesome beta skills.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Thanks to everybody else for reading (and reviewing)!

Disclaimer, I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 24: Turn the Tide **

**BPOV**

I slung my cello over my right shoulder and pulled my hood over my head as I hurried out of the music building and across the parking lot towards my car. Jasper, Jake and I had just spent the last several hours going over Schubert's String Trio in B Flat Major for our upcoming performance at the Manhattan Chamber Music Society's Annual High Tea event. I was somewhat flustered as our practice had lasted longer than expected and I was now running late for my lunch date with Edward. I texted him to let him know I was on my way before quickly placing my cello in the rear hatch of my car and setting off into the city.

I drove like a bat out of hell, deftly navigating the tiresome city traffic. A record twenty minutes later I'd parked my car and was walking up the street towards the restaurant. I was anxious as I approached the very unassuming Mexican dive, my eyes instinctively scanning the street for paparazzi. Thankfully there didn't seem to be any, at least not yet. I sighed heavily. What had I been thinking when I'd suggested to Edward that we go out to lunch together…in public? It had seemed like a brilliant idea this morning when I was riding a high, emboldened by my newfound sense of optimism. It had truly been a relief to open up to Edward about my entire past, and I felt lighter and happier than I had in a very long time. But my bravado was all but forgotten now as I stood outside the entrance to the restaurant and I started to panic slightly.

What if Edward was right? What if his whereabouts was betrayed by Twitter users and the paparazzi descended upon us while we ate? _Get a fucking grip, Bella,_ I chastised myself. _This isn't the premiere of his film for Christ's sake. It's lunch in a tiny dive._ I took a deep breath, willing myself to settle down before entering the restaurant. I peered inside, searching the sea of nameless faces for Edward's, and noticed a group of five girls huddled together beside a booth towards the back. I sighed, knowing it could only be Edward these girls were talking to. The paparazzi might not have discovered him yet, but the fans certainly had.

I quickly recovered my composure and opened the door, stepping inside and making my way to the back. And whether or not I was just extremely self-conscious or if in fact people were actually staring at me I wasn't sure, but it felt as if all eyes were on me as I walked the short distance to where Edward sat. Ronald looked up at me and winked as I approached, bending to whisper something into Edward's ear before disappearing out a back door. Edward peeked up at me from over the shoulder of one of the young girls and smiled warmly before turning his attention back to them. I stepped off to the side so as not to draw attention to myself.

"Girls, it was very nice meeting all of you, but if you wouldn't mind I'd like a chance to look at the menu and place my order now," I heard him say, and I sighed; he was so polite with his fans, always such a gentleman. Amazingly the girls simply nodded, giggling as they pushed past me and waved goodbye to Edward over their shoulders. As the last of them departed Edward stood to greet me, his beautiful green eyes vivid and alive and his smile simply stunning. He was obviously thrilled to see me.

"Hey baby," he greeted me sweetly as he swept me into his arms. He ducked his head into my neck, nuzzling it with his nose and inhaling my scent. I felt him smile against me.

"You're so happy," I mused as I pulled away from him and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the lips. He smiled down at me tenderly, reaching out and lightly brushing his knuckles across my left cheek.

"Of course I am, I'm with you," he said and I couldn't help but laugh softly at his words.

"Do you _ever_ say the wrong thing?" I teased.

"Never," he smiled smugly as we reluctantly slipped from each other's arms and into the adjacent booth. Once seated we each took a menu from the center of the table and started to look it over. Unfortunately, I was increasingly distracted by a nagging sense of remorse and I knew I would be unable to think of what I wanted for lunch until after I got something off of my chest.

"I've been so unfair to you," I spoke quietly from across the table, my voice barely above a whisper.

"What was that, love?" Edward was clearly preoccupied, studiously reviewing the menu. He didn't even look up at me as he spoke.

"I said I've been unfair to you," I repeated myself, this time a little bit louder, and Edward looked up at me then, regarding me curiously.

"Why do you say that?" He asked gently and I sighed, suddenly immensely frustrated with myself for how I'd behaved over the course of the past couple of months.

"I just…" I stammered, desperate to find the proper words to describe what it was I was feeling at that moment. "I confided in you yesterday that I don't really feel like I have an identity, yet ever since we met, I realize I've been denying you yours."

"What?" Edward practically gasped, appearing genuinely perplexed by my statement. He put his menu down then, giving me his undivided attention. A waitress approached our table but Edward politely waved her off.

"How so?" He pushed for clarification.

"By avoiding being seen with you," I explained softly. My head bowed in shame and my eyes momentarily closed as I took a long, deep breath. When I opened them again, I lifted my head and stared across the table, straight into Edward's.

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you, or made you question whether or not I accept you for who you really are, Edward, because _I do_…accept you for who you are. You have to know that every part of you is precious to me." The words tumbled forth, a hint of desperation to my voice and Edward sighed heavily, shaking his head at me as he reached his hands across the table to take both of mine in his.

"Love, where on earth is this coming from?" He queried me gently as his eyes searched my own for an answer.

"You," I offered weakly. "You seemed so happy and relieved to see me just now - over something as simple as me meeting you for lunch, and it just struck me how incredibly unfair I've been to you these past few months, making you hide away with me in my apartment because I was too scared to be seen with you in public. I feel like I've punished you for something that isn't your fault, and I'm sorry. It's just…it's so important to me that you know that I accept _all_ of you. And I'm going to start making a greater effort to prove that to you."

Edward sighed, his expression thoughtful as he regarded me.

"Bella, you have nothing to prove to me. I've never once questioned your unconditional love for and acceptance of me."

Even though I appreciated what he was saying, a part of me wondered if these weren't just words meant to placate me.

"I just feel like by electing not to be seen with you in public I've caused us both to deny a large part of who you are."

Edward stared at me, shaking his head slowly back and forth.

"Nothing could be further from the truth, love," he whispered quietly. "The reality is Bella, neither one of us was ready to face the public from the start. Holing up in your apartment wasn't just your choice. We _both_ needed that time together. Everything else aside, you needed it in order to have the opportunity to adjust to the reality of what my life _is_…at least for now, anyway, and I needed the opportunity to spend time out of the limelight, in a private environment with somebody I cared for and who cared for me in return. I was truly at a point in my life when I needed to be brought back to what was real - my life had become so goddamn surreal – and being alone with you did that for me. I sometimes don't think you grasp just how lost I was before I met you, Bella. You say you worry that you've denied me my identity, but the reality of it is when I met you, my identity hadn't been my own for a very long time. But these past few months, I feel like I've finally started to rediscover who I am, and you're the primary reason why. Don't you see that?"

I stared at Edward, completely taken aback by not only the truth, but also by the naked sincerity, of his words. I felt a small smile tug at my lips and Edward squeezed my hands lightly.

"You really do always know just what to say to make me feel better," I said. Edward grinned at me then, a beautiful lopsided smile, and pulled my left hand to his lips to kiss the back of it.

"It's the truth, Bella. I'll never tell you what you want to hear. I'll only ever tell you how I honestly feel."

I felt a sudden warm prickling sensation in the back of my eyes and I swallowed hard. I didn't want to shed tears here, on our first official lunch date in New York City. But Edward's honesty had touched me. It was incredible how easily he could disarm me and made me feel so vulnerable, yet at the same time infinitely safe. It was only because of this that I now had the courage to face my past and to try and embrace my future.

"Okay. Let's order some food here before I become too sentimental and start crying like a baby," I said, blinking back the tears. And right on cue, Mr. Wonderful chimed in.

"I'd take you in my arms and hold you if you did," he half teased, because really, we both knew that he would…current setting be damned.

"Stop," I laughed. "Pretty soon you'll have me believing you're perfect and I might start to worry that I'm not good enough for you."

"I'll have none of that. Insecurity isn't becoming, love. And you never have any reason to feel that way. I hope you know that," he admonished, and suddenly I felt a little silly. I ducked my head to hide my embarrassment only to feel Edward's long fingers gently guide my chin upward. "Let's eat," he said smiling, and he winked at me.

Edward and I were both ravenous after our conversation and we plowed through two full baskets of chips and salsa before our lunch order arrived. When our meals arrived, Edward and I each pushed our food to the center of the table and picked off each other's plates. Our conversation was light and pleasant after our earlier discussion and I found that I was thoroughly enjoying myself. It felt wonderful to be out in public with Edward, even if we were hidden back in the corner of a small family run restaurant.

"I don't know why it's taken you so long to agree to have lunch with me," I teased Edward, poking fun at myself. Edward's eyes opened wide with amusement and he threw his head back in laughter as he reached for his beer.

"So it's not so bad after all, is it," he grinned at me as he took a swig.

"No, it really isn't. I thought with it being New York City that it would be a nightmare, but we've hardly been bothered at all. In fact, aside from those young girls, nobody's even come up to the table." As I spoke my words, it struck me how unlikely it was that this would happen, and I suddenly grew suspicious.

"You wouldn't happen to have rented out the restaurant for lunch or something crazy like that, would you?" I accused, only half-jokingly. Edward rolled his eyes good humouredly.

"Bella, take a look around. There are other patrons in the restaurant with us."

That was true. In fact, the restaurant appeared to be full.

"Right," I grumbled and Edward laughed.

"But…" he continued, "though I didn't rent out the establishment, I may have tipped the manager quite handsomely and asked that he do whatever was necessary to make sure we weren't disturbed during our meal," he said by way of explanation and I grinned at him, shaking my head.

"That wasn't necessary…but thank you. This has been delightfully relaxing and it's helping to boost my self- confidence for the next time we decide to wander out together in public."

"Next time?" Edward asked, arching a single eyebrow at me.

"Yes," I announced resolutely. "The next time my boyfriend decides to ask me out on a date, I intend to say yes. Actually…" I paused, mid-sentence, as a thought suddenly occurred to me.

"What?" Edward immediately asked.

"Well, there's a Messiah sing-along at St. Patrick's Cathedral a week from Friday. I'd really like to attend, but only if you agree to accompany me. I don't want to go without you," I said honestly. Edward stared at me in mock disbelief.

"Are _you_ asking _me_ out on another date? This is twice in one day, love. I'm not sure my heart can take much more of this," he teased and I reached into the basket and threw the last chip at him.

"Shut it, Cullen. I'm really trying to make an effort here, and I think this is something we'd both enjoy doing. I've attended this sing a long for the past several years. The acoustics are _amazing_ in this church," I gushed and Edward chuckled.

"You're excited about this. I love that. I'm totally game," he said.

"Great," I all but squealed, thrilled that Edward was agreeing to go, though I shouldn't have been surprised. Regardless of what Edward said, I knew he'd sacrificed a lot over these last few months, staying in with me and never going out. I sensed he was eager for us to start spending more time in public together, and I was too. Lunch today had gone swimmingly, and I thought that if for the time being we just avoided attending large-scale public or promotional events together, that I wouldn't have to contend with the paparazzi - at least not on the same level as I'd had to at his premiere.

Edward smiled at me contentedly from across the table and I sighed. If I'd known all along how happy a simple lunch out would make him I would have done this a long time ago. Soon we were finished with our food and while we were waiting for the check, I noticed Edward shift uncomfortably in his seat. He cleared his throat before meeting my gaze with a resigned frown.

"What is it?" I asked cautiously, wary of his sudden change in demeanor.

"I spoke with Melinda this morning," he said, pausing for a moment before continuing. "_People Magazine_ plans to run a front page story on the two of us in their next issue," he said and I gulped, my eyes growing wide with disbelief.

"_People Magazine_?" I repeated what he'd just said, knowing I hadn't heard him wrong, but wishing I had nevertheless.

"Yes." Edward affirmed quietly, reaching across the table to brush his fingers across my hand.

"Do we know what it's about?" I asked, worriedly, assuming it would cover the premiere of his film but wondering whether or not they may have uncovered information about my past. Edward shook his head.

"We don't, only that they're using quotes from anonymous sources," he said.

"Ugh," I sighed. "I suppose I'm not surprised. This was bound to happen," I said sullenly.

"Listen, let's try not to worry about what might be. Chances are it will simply cover the premiere. But I was thinking…" Edward hesitated, taking a deep breath and steadying his gaze at me before continuing. "Bella I think we need to consider circumventing the paparazzi and choosing a reputable press outlet to tell your story to. We wouldn't have to make a big deal out of it; it could just appear as part of an interview."

"Edward…I don't know…"

"Baby, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but unfortunately I think it's only a matter of time before somebody breaks the story. At least if we're the ones to do it, we maintain the control - we get the facts straight from the start."

I listened very carefully to what Edward was saying and even though I didn't want to admit it, I realized that what he said was true. I'd known from the beginning that if I remained with Edward my past would eventually catch up with me and I'd made my decision to stay because I couldn't fathom life without him. But now, I had a decision to make. I could either do as Edward suggested and participate in an interview on my own terms, or I could take my chances with a less than desirable outlet running a story based on anonymous sources and secondhand information.

"You're right," I reluctantly agreed. "Logically, I know you're right. But I'd have to discuss it with my father and Xavier beforehand," I said and Edward nodded.

"Of course. This isn't something we have to decide right now, Bella. It's just something I think you should give some thought to, and obviously if you do decide to move forward with this the sooner we arrange for an interview, the better."

"What if we did a television interview?" I asked quietly, and I couldn't believe I was actually suggesting that, but somehow it seemed that with a story such as my own, it made more sense to present it to the public in a live interview rather than through print. So much was lost in translation in even the best of written interviews. If I was actually going to do this, I wanted to speak about it only once. I'd set the record straight on exactly what happened that fateful night, and I wouldn't speak about it again. Hopefully the public's curiosity would be quelled after watching me pour my heart out on television, but more importantly, I'd no longer be riddled with anxiety over when or where my past would come to light.

"If that's what you'd prefer, I don't necessarily think it's a bad idea. I could arrange for an interview with Diane Sawyer or even Oprah if you'd like. Both of them have made repeated requests to interview me and I've always declined their offers," he said.

I studied him carefully before I spoke.

"What do _you_ think? This affects you, too, you know. This might not look good for…"

"Stop." Edward spoke sternly to me, holding his hand up to prevent me from continuing. "I know what you're going to say and I've told you time and again that it doesn't matter to me. This isn't about me or my career, Bella. This is about you taking control of your past and your future. There will be no more shame once you share your story, baby. I really hate to be trite here, but the truth really does have the power to set you free, at least I think it does." I stared at Edward, and I couldn't help it…a small smile tugged at my lips.

"You're right, that's incredibly trite," I laughed lightly, "but so very true."

"I said as much, love," he said and smiled at me. Just then our waiter returned with our check. Edward thanked him for helping to ensure our privacy during our meal before slipping him a fifty dollar bill for what I was certain was no more than a thirty dollar tab. The waiter thanked him profusely and bid us both a pleasant afternoon before turning and walking away.

"Shall we?" Edward asked as he turned his attention back to me. He rose from his seat and extended his hand to me. I placed mine in his and was about to stand when I heard him groan.

"What is it?" I asked worriedly and he shook his head.

"I figured it was too good to be true that we could spend an entire lunch together without being spotted by the press," he muttered and I froze in place.

"Nothing to be worried about, love," he quickly reassured me. "There are a few photographers stationed out front but we'll just slip out through the back door. Ronald can drop you by your car," he said and I nodded.

There was a bit of commotion in the restaurant as Edward and I made to leave but miraculously we slipped through the back door and into Ronald's car without being bombarded by paparazzi. Ronald dropped me by my car and Edward kissed me goodbye, making me promise to call him just as soon as I was through with my appointment with the therapist.

"And you're sure you don't want me to come with you," he said very seriously as he reached across me to open the door. I smiled appreciatively at him, lifting my right hand and running it down his cheek.

"You have no idea what it means to me that you're willing to go to therapy with me, but I think this is something I need to do myself…at least to begin with," I murmured and he nodded.

"I understand. Just know I'll be thinking of you, okay?"

"I know. I'll miss you tonight," I said as I briefly kissed his lips before stepping out of the car.

"Me too, baby," he replied and he smiled wistfully at me, grabbing my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze before pulling his arm back inside of the car and shutting the door after me.

I watched as Edward's car disappeared up the street. He was headed for work, no doubt for a very long night on set. This was his first day back to work in a week and he'd told me they were going to have to really push to wrap up filming by Christmas. Edward was scheduled to work nights through the middle of next week when he would once again return to early days on the set. I was anxious for this to happen. I hated that his current schedule meant we saw each other only in passing, hated it even more that his side of the bed lay empty at night. I was keenly aware of the fact that all too soon he'd be thousands of miles away and I wanted to relish the feel of his body pressed against mine while I could.

I ducked into my car and plugged in my IPOD, selecting an old album of Dar William's to listen to on my way to my first appointment with my therapist. I was more nervous than I cared to admit about meeting with her, and briefly considered skipping out on my appointment. I thought better of it when I reminded myself exactly why I was doing this, however. _I was doing this because I wanted to get better._ Not until I'd met Edward had I truly realized how emotionally shut off I'd been. I hadn't really been alive in nine very long years, and suddenly Edward made me feel that way. But along with the thrill and excitement of falling in love with him came the knowledge that in order to make our relationship work, I'd have no other choice but to confront my very painful past. If I didn't, I knew that Edward and I could never be.

I reminded myself of this very important fact as I stood outside the simple brown door with a golden placard engraved with Dr. Olivia Frank's name. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest in anticipation of our meeting and I took a deep breath, doing my best to try and settle my nerves as I placed my hand on the doorknob and gave it a gentle turn, pushing the door open. As I entered the office I noticed two other people seated in the tiny waiting room. I offered a shy smile before making my way past them to where an attractive young woman sat behind a desk. She smiled warmly at me as I approached, but her gesture did little to assuage my increasingly pronounced anxiety.

"Good afternoon, how can I help you?" She asked and I did my best to force a smile when really I was in the midst of an epic inner battle, trying to decide between fight and flight.

I chose fight.

"Um…yes…Bella…sorry…Isabella Swan to see Dr. Frank, please," I stammered nervously and I could already tell this was going to be an incredibly long and difficult afternoon.

Two emotionally exhausting though insightful hours later I emerged from Dr. Frank's office. I felt like a zombie. My nerves were completely shot and my eyes were puffy and bloodshot from sobbing almost continuously over the course of the past hour. Thankfully, I didn't have time to brood over what we'd discussed. I'd had to wait nearly an hour to meet with Dr. Frank and as a result I was now in a rush to go home, change clothes and walk Johann before meeting Xavier for dinner at seven.

I cursed myself under my breath for packing so many events into one day, especially ones as significant as meeting with my therapist and Xavier. I was worn out, both physically and emotionally, and wanted nothing more than to call Edward and talk to him about my appointment, but there wasn't time for that now. Once home, I texted Edward that my appointment had gone well and that I was now getting ready to go to dinner with Xavier. I told him that I'd call him just as soon as I'd finished with dinner and he texted me back wishing me luck and telling me that he expected to be on break around ten and to call him then. I quickly walked Johann before changing out of my jeans and turtleneck and into slacks and a blouse. With not a minute to spare, I raced downstairs and hailed a cab to drive me to the restaurant.

I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes past seven only to be informed by the maître d' that Xavier had arrived fifteen minutes earlier. He subsequently led me through a maze of tables to a small, private room in the back of the restaurant where Xavier was seated alone at a table in the corner. Xavier stood to greet me upon my arrival, a warm smile illuminating his entire face. He held out his arms tentatively to me, and although it felt awkward, I walked to him and allowed him to embrace me.

"Ma chérie, thank you so much for agreeing to meet me," he murmured softly as he pulled me gently against his chest. I hugged him back lightly before pulling away from him, offering him a small smile as I took my seat at the table. Xavier sat down across from me.

"Bella, _how are you_?" He asked me earnestly as he pulled his seat closer to the table. He was clearly still concerned about last night's turn of events. I smiled at him, but it felt forced.

"I'm fine, Xavier and let me go ahead and apologize now for the scene that Edward and I caused. Needless to say, Edward didn't realize who you were and it was rather a shock for him to learn that you were my father."

Xavier reached for his glass of water, taking a sip while regarding me thoughtfully.

"I must say I'm surprised you haven't told him about me before now," he finally said and I bristled at his comment, feeling unexpectedly defensive.

"Not nearly as surprised as I was to find you sitting in the audience at my concert," I countered coolly and Xavier's face immediately fell.

"I'm sorry if my presence caught you off guard, Bella," he whispered softly, and though he appeared sincere in his apology, I was still upset that he hadn't discussed coming to New York with me. I was also very confused as to _why _exactly he was here.

"Why did you come to New York?" I asked pointedly, deciding it best to just cut to the chase. I was already beginning to feel impatient with the conversation and I wasn't interested in making small talk. If there was a purpose to his visit, I wanted to know what it was.

"Do you really need to ask?" He looked at me, incredulous. "Despite the fact that you'd rather not admit to it, _you're my daughter_ Bella, and I want to spend time with you."

I cringed at his words, but he continued to speak despite my scowl.

"It's been wonderful speaking with you over the phone these past few months. I was hopeful you might finally be interested in spending some time together, but it's clear to me now I was entirely too presumptuous," he said quietly, sadly. And for a fleeting moment I felt deeply ashamed, as if _I'd_ done something wrong. But I knew that I hadn't. I'd been nothing but honest with Xavier from the get go.

"I never misled you Xavier," I said, shaking my head at him. "I was always very clear that the purpose of my calls was to discuss the possibility that our relationship might be made public. I never once indicated I was interested in anything more."

"Perhaps you aren't, but _I_ am," he countered quietly.

"Well you're twenty three years too late," I quickly snapped, surprising both myself and Xavier with my intensity.

_Fuck._ This was quickly escalating into something I didn't want it to, but I couldn't help how I felt. This was precisely why I'd avoided meeting with Xavier all these years.

Xavier shook his head sadly.

"I loved you from the moment I knew about you, Bella. That has to count for something," he mused. His words were clearly meant to placate me, but they had an altogether opposite effect.

"Did you? Because it doesn't feel that way, Xavier," I retorted. "I had to find out about you on my mother's deathbed, for Christ's sake, and even then you didn't acknowledge my existence! And you must have known about her death! There's no way you couldn't have. We received condolences from industry professionals worldwide, yet no correspondence from you…nothing from the man that fathered Renee Swan's daughter," I said bitterly, and I watched as Xavier's face twisted in shame and despair.

"That's enough!" He cried, his eyes falling shut as he exhaled sharply. A deafening silence filled the room as the maître d' discreetly shut the French doors that seperated our room from the rest of the restaurant.

"What was I supposed to do, Bella?" He spoke quietly, opening his eyes as he did so, and when they met mine I saw they were filled with despair. "Should I have called you after your mother and brother had just died in a horrific accident to tell you that a man you'd never met…a complete stranger to you, was your father? I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't - _wouldn't_ be responsible for inflicting any further suffering upon you."

"You were a coward!" I roared, angered by his words. I felt my body shaking with fury but I refused to cry. "So was my mother, and the appalling lack of integrity you both displayed sickens me to this day. And let me tell you something, Xavier, I will never, ever forgive either one of you for the decision you made to withhold my true identity from Charlie and me. You were both wrong…so very, very wrong."

The room grew uncomfortably quiet for a long moment as both Xavier and I exchanged piercing stares. He made no attempt to appease me now. It was clear that there was nothing he could say to me that would make things better. Slowly, my breathing returned to normal and I watched as what can only be described as sad resignation settled across Xavier's face.

"This isn't going as I planned," he said sorrowfully, and my eyes opened wide in disbelief.

"And what was it that you planned, Xavier? You didn't really believe you could just jet into New York, offer me a conciliatory hug and all would be well, did you? That hasn't worked in the past, why would it work now?" I asked, completely exasperated.

"I was hoping that maybe we could talk…that's all…just talk, but you're obviously still not open to that. You can't know how sorry I am to know that Bella, but if you know nothing else, please understand that it was never my intention to hurt you…not now, nor in the past. All I've ever wanted is to know you and to be a part of your life, but you've made it very clear to me this evening that you don't reciprocate those feelings so I want you to know that I won't bother you about this anymore." Xavier stood from his chair then, but I remained completely still in mine, stunned to the core by the hypocrisy of his words.

"_All you've ever wanted is to know me and to be a part of my life_?" I repeated his words back to him, reeling in absolute disbelief before anger once again claimed me. "You've no right to say that to me! How can you say that when just last night you watched me perform live for the _very first time_ in my life?" I was on the verge of tears now, angry that I'd been denied my father's presence all my life. But he'd _chosen_ not to know me, so how could he sit there and tell me that all he'd ever wanted was to be a part of my life?

"Oh ma chérie, that's simply not true. Los Angeles, 1993, you had your debut performance with the Los Angeles Philharmonic performing as the soloist for Dvorak's Cello Concerto in B minor – I was sitting in the first row. Stockholm, 1995, you performed Bach's Cello Suite in G Major at the Nobel Prize ceremony – I was sitting in the fifth row. London, summer of 2000, you performed as the soloist in Robert Schumann's Cello Concerto in A Minor with the London Philharmonic – I was sitting in the third row. Paris, 2001, six months after your mother died you performed one of the most exquisitely beautiful renditions of Elgar's Cello Concerto in E Minor that I've ever heard with the Orchestre de Paris– I was sitting in the first row. New York, 2003, you performed Rachmaninoff's Cello Sonata in G Minor with the New York Philharmonic – I was sitting in the second row. Moscow, 2005…"

"Stop," I quietly commanded placing my right hand in front of me, my palm facing forward, for emphasis. My eyes shut as my head bowed forward. I didn't want to hear any more.

"Bella, I understand how difficult it is for you to accept that I have always loved you. I know my early actions were not demonstrative of this, and believe me I berate myself every day for my decision not to acknowledge you as my own from the start. But while I may have chosen to exclude you from my life for the first fourteen years of yours, it is you that has chosen to exclude me ever since. Our relationship as it stands today is not my choosing Bella - it is entirely yours. If and when you'd like our relationship to change, know that I'll be waiting for you and that I'll do my best to make up for my mistake. But until then, I will honor my word and I will not bother you about this any further. But that won't change the fact that I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will."

And with that, Xavier removed his coat from the back of his chair and draped it over his left arm. He moved briskly but purposefully to my side then where he bent to kiss the top of my head before turning and walking away. He paused briefly at the entrance to the room as the maître d' opened the French doors, but he didn't look back. And as he disappeared from sight, I realized that for the very first time in my life I was overwhelmed by sadness at his departure. I wasn't angry, or hurt or indifferent…I was simply sad. And I didn't know what that meant. I shook my head, wanting to get the hell out of there and knowing there was only one place I wanted to be - only one person I wanted to be with. And I couldn't wait until the following morning to see him.

I hailed a cab out front and gave the driver the street address where Edward was filming tonight. The cab driver eyed me warily, shaking his head back and forth.

"Ma'am, I'll get you as near to there as I can, but I can't promise you anything. Chinatown's an absolute zoo right now. If you haven't heard, Edward Cullen is shooting a film there and girls have been coming out en masse just for the opportunity to catch a glimpse of him," he said, rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of it before narrowing them suspiciously at me.

"Wait a minute; you wouldn't happen to be one of those crazed fans of his, would you?" He asked and I couldn't help but laugh, despite my somber mood.

"Something like that," I mumbled as I climbed into the back seat of the cab.

As we pulled out into traffic, I sank back into the worn leather seat and wondered what Edward would think of me dropping by the set. Since we'd been dating I'd never once come to his work; I wasn't really sure whether or not it was even appropriate, but I needed to see him. Chinatown wasn't far and as we approached, I pulled my phone from my purse and texted Edward.

_Hey. Are you busy?_

I hit send and then glanced at my watch. It was just before nine and Edward had said earlier he wouldn't be on break until ten. I wondered what I was going to do if he didn't answer my text and considered just going back to my apartment. There were hoards of people everywhere, unbelievable to me given the fact that it was nine at night, and I didn't feel like fighting my way to the front of the crowd and trying to catch somebody's attention. I supposed I could call Ronald, and I was just about to check to see if I had his number programmed into my phone when it buzzed in my hand. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was Edward.

_Hi, love. We're finishing up filming a scene. Can I call you in thirty?_

_I'm much too impatient to wait that long. Care for an audience? _I grinned as I hit send, wishing I could see Edward's face when he realized I was here.

_What? I'm confused… _He returned my text quickly and I couldn't help but laugh. Was it that improbable that I'd surprise him at work? Apparently so.

_I'm out front_. I hit send and almost immediately my phone rang.

"Bella?" Edward said my name cautiously and I giggled.

"Were you expecting somebody else?" I teased.

"Where are you?"

"I told you, I'm out front."

"You're here? As in _on set_?" He asked, incredulous.

"Well, technically I'm sitting in a cab wondering how to get past the throngs of women waiting to catch a glimpse of you."

"Lucky for you I'm yours and you never have to wait to see me," he growled before excusing himself for a moment. I heard him discussing something with someone before coming back onto the line.

"Stay put, sweet girl, Ronald is on his way out," he said before telling me he had to run because they were calling for places.

"See you in five, baby," I said as I hung up the phone. I smiled to myself. I was already starting to feel better, thoughts of my stressful non-dinner with Xavier quickly fading knowing I was going to be seeing Edward soon.

Several minutes later I watched as Ronald emerged from the sea of people surrounding the barricades. I chuckled at the sight - his behemoth form dwarfed all but a handful of them. After paying the cabbie I stepped out into the frigid night air, pulling my scarf up and around my lower face to keep warm. Glancing around me at all the people in the street, I thought to myself how unbelievable it was that they were actually willing to subject themselves to near freezing temperatures just for the chance to see Edward. Of course, if anyone was worth waiting to see, it _was_ Edward. Still, this strange fascination…borderline obsession that some of his fans had with him bewildered me.

I'd never understood the general public's fascination with movie stars; I myself had never crushed on one, until Edward that was, so it came as a complete shock to me to see what some fans were willing to endure just for the _possibility_ of shaking Edward's hand or having their picture taken with him. I remembered when Edward told me that some of his fans had actually waited _days_ to secure a prime position at the front of the barricades for his premiere. All the attention he received - the naked adoration exhibited for him, was mind boggling to say the least. Thankfully, he was mine. I knew this, but it was moments like these, when I witnessed for myself just how wanted a man he really was, that I realized just how fortunate I was to have him as my own.

Ronald finally reached me, a wide smile spreading across his face.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted me warmly.

"Hi." I smiled up at him.

"Come on," he instructed, reaching out and pulling me securely to his side with his right arm. "Edward's given me strict instructions to get you inside ASAP. He doesn't want you caught up in this chaos," he said, motioning with his free arm in the direction of the crowd. I laughed, imagining Edward inside pacing back and forth like a caged animal, anxiously awaiting my arrival. He must have worried the paparazzi would recognize me and try to take my picture. My heart swelled at his protectiveness.

I followed beside Ronald as he led me parallel to the barricades and away from the crowds. We walked a few yards up a small side street before turning left into a narrow alley and pausing outside a weather beaten door. Ronald knocked once and a moment later the door swung open as a member of the crew motioned us inside. I was surprised to find we were in a kitchen. Several crew members milled about, and most of them stopped short in their tracks when they saw me.

"Ronald, is it just me or are people staring?" I whispered self consciously as we moved past them. A knowing smile tugged as Ronald's lips as he leaned in close.

"They're definitely staring," he confirmed with a chuckle.

"But why?" I wondered aloud. I unconsciously shrunk into Ronald's side.

"Well…" Ronald hesitated, as if uncertain whether or not to tell me something.

"What?" I demanded with a nervous laugh.

"Well, it's sort of a running joke among the cast and crew that you don't really exist. They call you figment," he admitted sheepishly and I shook my head, thoroughly confused.

"Figment? As in Figment the dragon?" I said and Ronald burst into uproarious laughter.

"No, Bella. Figment - as in you are a figment of Edward's imagination," he explained through his laughter as my eyes opened wide in shock and embarrassment.

"You're kidding me," I breathed, completely mortified, and he shrugged.

"You've got to admit, it's kind of odd that you never come around. Edward talks about you constantly, but nobody besides me has ever had the chance to meet you."

"Oh my God, this is beyond embarrassing, Ronald. Edward never told me any of this," I groaned, tucking my head under Ronald's arm. He gave me a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't be embarrassed Bella. Nobody would want you to feel that way. We all enjoy teasing Edward, but it's all in jest," he said, and though I wasn't at all comforted by his words, I couldn't find it in myself to wallow in embarrassment for as we exited the kitchen into the main dining room, not twenty feet away from me stood Edward with his arms wound tightly in a loving embrace around who I could only assume was Mei Sun.

I stood motionless.

This was not what I had expected to see. Of course, the rational part of me understood that being physical with other women was just a routine part of Edward's job. He was an actor, for Christ's sake. It wasn't as if he could refuse to touch other women. Unfortunately, reason flew out the window the moment in which I had to physically watch Edward tenderly caress another woman's back and whisper into her ear. I was suddenly wild with jealousy and wanted him _badly_ - wanted to show him who he belonged to, who possessed him, and who he possessed in return.

I stood beside Ronald in absolute silence, completely riveted by the scene in front of me until the director – John, yelled 'cut'. And in that moment, Edward broke away from Mei, and the loving connection to one another they'd both exuded only moments before immediately dissipated. Edward turned towards me then and our eyes locked.

"Bella," he murmured my name quietly, yet it seemed everybody in the room looked up.

I smiled shyly at him, entirely aware that all eyes were on us, but it didn't seem to matter to him. In three long and incredibly graceful strides he was in front of me, grabbing my face between his two hands and kissing me hard. I resisted at first, thoroughly embarrassed by the cat calls and whistles that spontaneously erupted around us, but I very quickly didn't care. Edward parted my lips with his tongue, seeking permission to taste me, and I let him. I needed to feel Edward this way, needed to feel his desire for me and not just because of what I'd just witnessed, but because of everything that had been my day today. In that moment, I needed to be reminded of exactly what I was fighting for, of why I was fighting so hard to make my life different.

Edward kissed me unashamedly for several long moments, his body pressed flushed against mine, before reluctantly pulling away. Mei had at some point strolled to Edward's side and was smiling broadly at the two of us. She briefly looked to Edward, cocking one eyebrow at him before turning her attention toward me.

"That was hot," she said very seriously before extending me her right hand. "I'm Mei, by the way, and if you could tell me how to create that type of chemistry with somebody, I would be forever indebted to you." She grinned at me and then winked.

And I knew immediately that I was going to like Mei.

**Endnotes:**

I know, I know. Time is moving so very slow, and I do apologize, but that's just the way I've elected to write this story. Hope you don't lose interest…oh, and please take the time to review! Thank you so much!


	25. Unexpected

**Author's Notes:**

So…many thanks to all of you who are both reading and reviewing. Also, thank you to those of you who reassured me that the pace of this story is just right. I don't want to rush these two. I like to capture every moment that I can. I think that by doing this, it helps to build more meaningful characters and relationships. And of course, I just love to write about these two and can't stand the thought of ever letting go, lol.

Of course, a big THANK YOU to **skyeblue0610** for taking the time to beta this story for me. She saved my ass BIG TIME with this chapter. She knows what I'm talking about. I'll say no more.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok **for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Warning: There is sexual content in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 25: Unexpected**

**BPOV **

Keeping hold of Edward around his waist with my left arm, I gingerly took Mei's hand with my right one and smiled warmly at her.

"Hi, I'm Bella…um…_figment_," I said, trying with little luck to introduce myself without laughing. Mei smiled broadly, laughing with me. Edward on the other hand stiffened in my arm, looking down at me in horror.

"You know?" He asked disbelievingly and I winked at him and then nodded. I squeezed him lightly to let him know that it didn't bother me. It was all good.

"Ronald let me in on your little secret," I stood on my tiptoes and whispered into his ear.

Just then John walked up to the three of us, his face ecstatic and vaguely reminiscent of a kid in a candy shop.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Bella Swan. Turns out you aren't a figment of Edward's imagination after all," he teased as he patted Edward on his shoulder. Edward groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Hi Bella, I'm John," he said, introducing himself and reaching out to shake my hand. "It's certainly a pleasure to finally meet you, and I hope you're not offended by our little term of endearment for you. We like to tease Edward, but the truth is we've all been anxious to meet you. Edward speaks about you all the time." I blushed, warmed by the thought. Edward just shook his head and sighed.

"Go right ahead, John. Point out how hopelessly in love I am with this woman," he said as he drew me toward him for a sweet but all too brief kiss. "I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a love struck fool," he murmured against my lips and I grinned, loving how adorable he was in that moment. I wanted to keep kissing him, but Mei and John were still standing with us so I reluctantly pulled back.

"So what did you think of the scene?" John asked as I turned to face him and I blinked. That was an awkward question.

"Um…" I stammered slightly. "Well, I just walked in at the very end but their strong connection to each other was evident," I offered, feeling that was a more appropriate response than _I was wildly jealous that Edward was holding another woman in his arms_.

"We haven't got anything on the two of you," Mei said, reaching out to gently squeeze my arm, and I immediately felt she sensed my discomfort with the question and was trying to reassure me. It wasn't necessary, but her gesture seemed genuine and was appreciated.

"So Bella, Edward says you have a concert coming up," she continued, mercifully steering the topic of conversation away from Edward's connection with her. I was greatly appreciative.

"Ah…yes. I'll be playing Bach's Sixth Cello Suite," I answered her.

"I love the suites. My grandmother played the cello. She always wanted me to learn, but it just wasn't my thing."

"Well clearly acting is," I said. "I saw your performance in _Tiananmen_ and it was riveting. I'm looking forward to seeing this film once it's completed."

"Thank you," she said, blushing, clearly embarrassed by my compliment.

"No need to be self-conscious, Mei," Edward smiled at her. "It's the truth. You're one of the main reasons I signed on for this film, actually."

"Yes, well, I think you're both immensely talented and I'd like to think I have two Oscar contenders here," John interjected then, looking first to Edward and then Mei. And at that comment, Edward and Mei both blushed, and John and I laughed.

"And they're both refreshing to work with, too," he added. "You have no idea how inflated some of the egos are in this business. Edward and Mei are true professionals. I've been absolutely thrilled with their performances thus far and I really do have high hopes that this film might nab one or the both of them an Oscar."

Edward and Mei both stared at John, amazed.

"John…I…thank you, thank you so much. That means a lot, especially coming from you," Edward finally managed to say.

"Agreed," Mei said, seemingly stunned by his glowing praise.

Just then, a gentleman standing behind a camera at the far end of the dining room hailed John and he groaned.

"Ugh, guess break time is over," he mumbled as he turned to Edward. "I'm sure you and Bella would like some time alone, so go ahead with your dinner break now. Just be back in an hour so we can start with your next scene," he said and Edward and I both smiled appreciatively at him. An hour alone with Edward was exactly what I needed right now.

"Thanks, John. It's been so nice meeting you," I said and he winked at me.

"It's been wonderful to_ finally _meet you too," he said, placing an unnecessary amount of emphasis on the word finally, but I knew it was all in good fun.

"Filming is almost over, but we still have a few weeks left. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I nodded in his direction, barely able to say goodbye to Mei before Edward grabbed me by my hand, dragging me off through the kitchen and out into the alleyway.

"Edward," I protested. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he murmured, drawing me to his side. It was freezing out and he didn't have a jacket on. Thankfully, I still did. I wound my arm around his waist and snuggled against him, hoping it might provide him with a bit of warmth.

Edward and I rounded a corner and crossed a street where we walked towards what appeared to be an empty storefront.

"What's this?" I asked as he pulled open the door to one of the unoccupied stores. Once inside, I understood.

"Hair and make-up," he said, and with a wave of his arm he motioned to the beautician style chairs as well as the countertops filled with various hair and make-up implements that lined the left and right sides of the space.

"It's not possible to use trailers in the middle of the city, so we've rented out this space since most of the filming takes place here in Chinatown," he explained and I nodded in understanding. We walked to the back of the store where a door on the left bared Edward's hastily scrawled name on a scrap piece of paper.

"I take it this is your…"

"…trailer," he laughed, finishing my sentence for me. "Or the closest equivalent," he amended as he opened the door. Edward tugged my hand, altogether insistent on getting me into the room. When he shut the door behind us, I understood why. Before I even knew what was happening, he'd pushed me back roughly against the door and was pressing his body against mine. He held my face firmly in both of his hands as he lowered his mouth to mine and assaulted it with his. I felt it as his tongue dipped deep into my mouth, urgently tangling with mine. He rolled his hips forward then and the delicious sensation of his hardening length was enough to make my knees nearly buckle. I wound both of my hands up into his hair, kissing him back soundly as our hearts thrummed wildly against each other's chests.

"Bella," he moaned. "Fuck, I love you," he said as he tore his mouth from mine and began littering wet, sloppy kisses down my neck.

"I…I…"

_Fuck_. I couldn't think; I was completely distracted by Edward's mouth on my skin. I was insanely turned on and wondered whether or not it would be appropriate for us to fuck each other senseless in his trailer…of sorts.

"I…Iloveyoutoofuckyoufeelsogood." My words came out in a jumbled mess and Edward groaned as I rocked my hips forward onto his now firm erection.

Edward continued to kiss passionately down my neck before returning his mouth to mine. He kissed me again, though this time less urgently. Instead, his kiss was languid and sweet and infused with a tenderness that nearly brought me to tears. Presently Edward broke away. Breathing heavily, he rested his forehead against mine.

"Bella," he breathed, his warm breath swirling around in the space between us. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly, altogether intoxicated by his scent.

"I want you," I said, opening my eyes and staring lazily up at him into ones equally as needful as mine.

"I want you too, baby, always," he murmured, rubbing his nose softly against mine. "But right now I want to know about your day," he said as his thumbs gently brushed across my cheeks.

_Oh my God. Really?_

"Oh," I said, smiling weakly up at him. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. He felt so incredible pressed against me and I was reluctant to let him go.

"Love, I could carry you over to the couch right now and very happily, not to mention enthusiastically, make love to you for the next hour, and if that's what you want me to do, I will. But you came here for a reason, and I don't necessarily think it was for a good old fashioned romp in the hay," he teased.

"You're right," I sighed, wishing he weren't. He leaned in to kiss me again, slipping his tongue between my lips for the briefest of moments before pulling away.

"This morning you gave me your permission to ravage you when I come home from work, and I fully intend to do just that. But right now? I think we need to talk," he said and I nodded at him as he took my hand and led me over to an old, worn couch situated in the corner of the room.

"Where in the hell did this come from?" I asked as I discarded my coat and settled onto the couch beside him. Edward chuckled softly, rolling his eyes.

"I have no idea. I've wondered that myself. Honestly, I try not to think about it. It's not so bad if you remember to sit in the center. The springs on either end tend to dig into your ass," he laughed, and I did too, reaching up to draw my hand down his cheek.

"Edward, you are the best and brightest part of every day," I said honestly, suddenly ever so grateful for his soothing presence and natural care-taking tendencies. I must have taken Edward by surprise because he swallowed hard and smiled shyly at me, ducking his head down before leaning in to place a lingering kiss on my mouth. I tried to deepen it, but he instantly pulled away.

"Thank you," he murmured against my lips. "Compliment returned a thousand times over. Now let's talk."

"What about?" I rested my head in the crook of his arm and placed my hand atop his heart. He leaned in to kiss the top of my head while covering my hand with his own.

"Whatever you'd like. Therapy…Xavier?" He suggested and I sighed.

"You don't have to," he said, noting my sudden reticence. "But I'd like you to, if that's okay with you."

"It is, Edward. There's nobody else I want to talk to about all of this with besides you. It's why I came here tonight. After meeting with Xavier I knew only one thing for certain, and that was I had to see you. I didn't want to wait until morning," I said honestly and I felt Edward's hand tighten atop mine.

"What happened?"

"Well, things didn't go quite as planned, though to be honest, I haven't the foggiest idea what I was actually expecting."

"Care to elaborate?"

I flexed my fingers, raising and twining them with his before returning our linked hands back atop his heart. I took a deep breath, sighing heavily before continuing.

"It was…a lot more difficult to face Xavier than I anticipated. I've been speaking with him over the phone on a fairly regular basis for the last three months, but meeting with him personally…it was just…very difficult."

"In what way?" Edward wondered. His right hand traced invisible lines along the length of my arm, helping me to relax, while his left hand continued to firmly grip mine.

"I was very angry. So much so, I even surprised myself," I whispered, and I almost felt ashamed now for how I'd acted.

"It's completely understandable you'd be angry with him, love. He's got to understand that."

"I think he does," I murmured. "He let me have my say, and he apologized for what's happened in the past. Not that a blanket apology can erase the damage that's been done. But I think he recognizes this, and his apology seemed sincere…" My voice trailed off as I reconsidered my meeting with Xavier. Now that I had had a chance to calm down and refocus my energy, I was finding that I could think about our meeting more objectively. I was no longer quite so impassioned, blinded by anger and resentment.

"He's been watching me…all these years, he's been watching me from afar, Edward," I said quietly a moment later and Edward looked down at me.

"Oh?" He said, interested. I looked up at him and smiled weakly.

"Yeah. He took me completely by surprise with that one. He's been attending my performances all along without my ever knowing. He was able to list most of my major ones since I was a child, as well as where he was sitting when he attended," I said, still not sure what to make of that. On the one hand, it was strong evidence that he did truly care for me, and that stirred something deep within me. On the other hand, it was painful to know he'd been there watching all along, without ever saying anything to me. I felt cheated.

"Wow…that's incredible," Edward said, shaking his head. "It really does sound as if he truly cares for you."

"I think he does…I mean I felt it more tonight than I ever have before. And maybe that frightened me, you know? Until now I've always felt rather indifferent towards him. At best I've felt angry, but I don't think I've ever allowed myself to even consider, let alone accept the possibility that despite what he did in the past, that he does truly care for me. Not until tonight. And sensing the depth of his feelings for me for the very first time…well it was somewhat disarming. I felt incredibly vulnerable and exposed. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense, love," Edward assured me, while simultaneously giving me a gentle squeeze.

"You know he said something to me as he was leaving tonight that's really made me think," I continued.

"What's that?"

"He said that while he may have chosen to exclude me from his life for the first fourteen years of mine, that it was _me_ that had chosen to exclude him ever since."

"There's a bit of truth to that, love, isn't there," Edward gently said.

"There is," I nodded against his chest. "For so long I've been angry with him, focused solely on the fact that he abandoned me. I never considered the possibility that he loved me, because how could he if he chose never to acknowledge me? But I'm starting to realize it's just not that simple. There's no black and white here, and in shutting him out all these years I wonder if I've only caused myself more pain. Oh, I don't know. This is all so confusing. I'm literally drowning in this Edward. I want to make the right decisions here; I'm just not sure I know what they are."

"Shh," Edward gently soothed, sensing my mounting frustration. "Don't expect to know all the answers so soon. You've just started to work through this. It's going to take some time for you to figure out what you want. But I think you recognize a lot more about yourself and your relationship with Xavier than you think, and I've no doubt the two of you will eventually be able to move forward and forge a meaningful relationship. But that won't happen overnight, and you can't expect it to."

"You're right. I know you're right. I wish I would have been as level headed as you are at the restaurant. I said some pretty harsh things to Xavier. And when he left, I didn't even say goodbye. I was just too wound up. I didn't trust myself to speak."

"Well, when does he leave?"

"Tomorrow morning, I think."

"Could you call him? Just to say goodbye? I think maybe you'd feel better about things if you did." I nodded my head.

"I think maybe I should. I don't think I can apologize for the things I said because I was only being honest with him, and if we have any hope of forming a relationship with each other, that's the only place for us to start. But I do think I owe it to him to say goodbye."

"Agreed. And I doubt if Xavier expects any retractions, Bella. If he truly cares for you as he seems to, he'll understand that you're going to have some things that you need to get off your chest. He'll also understand that building a relationship with you is going to take time. But you have to start somewhere, and it really does sound as if you're open to trying now, at least I hope that's the case. I really do think it would be for the best."

"I think I am open to _trying_," I said quietly. "I'm not sure I'll ever be able to embrace Xavier as my father, but maybe eventually as a friend," I mused before sighing contentedly and snuggling closer to Edward.

"Thank you. I see things much more clearly after talking them through with you, but I didn't mean for this to turn into another therapy session. You'll have to send me an invoice for your services," I teased.

"Hmm…" Edward hummed against my head as he kissed it. "My expectations of payment are rather unorthodox."

"Oh really?" I said, slyly disentangling my fingers from his and running my hands down his chest towards the fly of his pants. "Mr. Cullen, would you please be so kind as to advise me of what I might expect? You know…so that I can be prepared."

Edward groaned, reaching out to take my hand in his and placing it firmly atop his rapidly hardening length. I hummed in approval, lifting my head from his chest and hefting my right leg across his lap so that I was straddling him.

"Miss Swan, that's precisely what I had in mind," he growled as he leaned forward, capturing my mouth with his. He kissed me hard for a brief moment before gently pulling back. I whimpered in protest.

"Edward. I'm going to internally combust if you don't do something to me right now," I half teased. I looked deep into his eyes, reaching behind his head with my hand and weaving my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. Edward sighed, his eyes falling shut.

"Bella," he said, reaching out to take my free hand in his and kissing it softly on the knuckles.

"I want you now, more than you probably realize. But I don't think that here is the place. And you haven't yet told me how therapy went. I'm anxious to know," he admitted shyly and I sighed.

"You know you really are a mood killer, Cullen," I pouted and he grinned.

"Oh love, I doubt you'll be saying that tomorrow morning." And his words held such sweet promise that I acquiesced to his demands.

"So you want to know how therapy went, huh? You're not tired of talking?" I asked, knowing full well that he wasn't.

"I could never tire of talking with you, love" he said, reaching up to tap the tip of my nose with his forefinger before winding his arms around my waist. I sat back on his lap, my knees on either side of his thighs.

"Well…in all honestly it went better than expected. Olivia, my therapist, was easy to be with. I felt comfortable talking to her. More than comfortable, actually - I completely fell apart," I admitted sheepishly and Edward's face fell.

"I'm sorry, sweet girl," he said. He looked at me sympathetically as he reached up to gently caress my right cheek with the tips of his fingers. They were calloused and rough, and just…so Edward. I melted into his touch, immediately comforted and soothed.

"Don't be," I said, smiling thoughtfully, relishing the feel of his touch. "It felt good to talk to her. She sort of walked me through the chain of events leading up to and after the accident, asking very general questions about how I felt then, and how I feel now. She let me do most of the talking."

"So it was a positive experience for you?" Edward asked cautiously, yet hopefully.

"Definitely," I replied confidently. "It was emotionally grueling, but overall a positive experience. I felt a little lighter leaving her office, if that makes sense. As hard as it is to talk about what happened, every time I do it gets a little easier and I feel a little better."

"I'm glad," Edward said, smiling tenderly at me as he gently stroked my hair.

"I mean, I know we've only just uncovered the tip of the iceberg," I continued. "Olivia told me as much, saying it was one thing to lay it all out there but quite another to pick through everything and examine how it makes me feel. But I really think I can do this. I don't feel as frightened and alone as I did nine years ago. And I don't have a reason to suppress my feelings anymore, other than out of fear of finally allowing myself to properly grieve. Olivia said I never did that and that instead, I shut down emotionally. It's a common reaction related to post traumatic stress syndrome," I said.

"Post traumatic stress syndrome? Is that what she says you suffer from?" Edward asked in a disbelieving tone of voice.

"Yes. I exhibit many of the symptoms. Flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the accident and emotional numbing, to name a few." Listening to myself I sounded so clinical, and I wondered absently what Edward really thought about all of this. It was a lot for anybody to deal with, and though I firmly believed Edward would stand by me through anything, it had to be disconcerting to listen to me break down what exactly it was I was suffering from.

"The two of you really covered a lot of territory in one session," Edward mused a moment later before offering me a thoughtful smile. I nodded.

"We did. She said she'd like to see me twice a week, and she's given me some homework for our next session."

"Homework?" Edward asked, curious.

"Yes, homework. She wants me to think about ways in which this single event has defined me in the past, and what I'd like to change about that in terms of how it will define me in my future."

"That's a lot to consider…" Edward said. His lips were pursed, his eyes deeply pensive as he studied me.

"I know," I responded quietly.

"Maybe if you tried to write some things down, it might help," he suggested and I nodded.

"I think that's what I'm going to try to do. Tonight actually…after I call Xavier," I said. Edward smiled lazily at me before leaning forward to place a soft kiss to my lips.

"I'm proud of you. Today has been a big day for you."

"It has," I agreed, kissing him back lightly before resting my forehead against his. "I think I'm ready to go home," I sighed. I was exhausted, in every sense of the word.

"I wish I could be there with you."

"Me, too," I murmured against his lips.

Just then, there was a gentle knock at the door.

"Edward?" Mei called Edward's name softly and he and I both sighed simultaneously. Our time together had come to an end.

"Come in, Mei," Edward called as I moved to shift off of his lap. The door opened half way and Mei popped her head inside.

"I'm so sorry, guys. I hate to interrupt but John says he's done everything he can without you, Edward. You're needed back on set now," she said, smiling apologetically.

"That's fine Mei. Thanks for letting us know," Edward said.

"No problem. I'll just let John know you'll be right there." Mei offered a regretful smile to the both of us before pulling the door closed behind her.

"Guess that's my cue to leave," I said as I stood. Edward gazed up at me, his eyes roving up and down my body as I stretched.

"You don't have to, you know. You could hang around and watch if you'd like. I'm sure John wouldn't mind." I laughed aloud, knowing that was the worst possible idea right now.

"I might be too much of a distraction," I said as I held my hand out to him and pulled him to his feet. I drew him near to me and then stood on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear.

"I've wanted to jump you since I got here and I don't think watching you parade around in this sexy getup is going to do anything to help that," I said as I tugged at the lapels of his period suit. Edward threw his head back in glorious laughter, which was not exactly the reaction I'd hoped for.

"This thing?" He asked, pointing to his clothes, incredulous.

"Yes," I growled, pulling his hips roughly against mine. "You're insanely hot in anything you wear, but there is just something about period attire that really gets me going," I said before smashing my lips against Edward's. He kissed me back madly before reluctantly pulling away.

"You're right," he said, panting heavily, his arousal evident through his pants. "It's probably best you go."

Several hours later I lay in bed, luxuriating in the euphoria of a highly erotic dream that featured none other than Edward. Though I couldn't see his face, I knew it was him. Even if struck blind and deaf, I would recognize his touch …his scent, anywhere. Only Edward could cause my skin to tingle so, as if each and every one of my nerve endings was alight with fire. Only Edward could give me such beautiful, intense pleasure.

I squirmed under the sheets, wildly aroused by my dream. This dream was not unlike many others I'd had that starred Edward, only this one was particularly intense and I felt myself on the brink of orgasm, enveloped in the familiar, sweet ecstasy I experienced every time I was with Edward. I gasped as in my dream Edward drove into me, pumping relentlessly, his hip bone rubbing deliciously against my throbbing center. I reached out and grasped the sheet underneath me with either hand - the sensation rocketing through my body was that intense. Soon my right hand was moving south towards where I so desperately craved to be touched… to where I _needed_ to be touched in order to achieve my release. With my eyes closed, I glided my hand over my stomach and towards my center, and laced it into….

Edward's hair?

_Oh fuck yes. _

I whimpered as I became immediately aware of what was happening, and tilted my hips upward into Edward's face. Edward responded enthusiastically, lapping vigorously at my center with his tongue before pushing it inside of me.

"Edward…" I managed to say as I struggled to open my eyes. I was still half asleep, consumed by an ethereal, blissful, Edward induced haze. Edward stopped his ministrations as I uttered his name, crawling up my body to trace the outline of my lips with his tongue. I could taste myself on him, and it was so fucking erotic. I opened my eyes completely then, reaching my hands around his backside and pushing down on him, urging him to enter me. He willingly complied, and we both gasped before he pushed his tongue between my lips, claiming every part of my body with every part of his.

"Ungh…I'm so turned on right now, baby," I murmured between kisses.

Edward panted as he thrust into me.

"Fuck, you were whimpering in your sleep when I walked through the door. What were you dreaming about baby?"

I didn't need to think to answer that.

"Mmm…you…fucking me…just like this," I crooned and he moaned, increasing the pace and intensity with which he drove into me.

"I told you I'd ravish you when I came home," he said as he tore his mouth from mine and lapped at my skin with his tongue. He buried his head in my neck then, nipping at the tender flesh in the curve of my throat. I cried out, holding him to me more firmly, urging him to go deeper. And he did.

"Ahhh…fuck, yes. Just like that. Oh God, Edward. The things you do to me. You own me…this body - it's yours, all yours…"

"Fuck yes it is," he growled possessively before his voice suddenly softened and he breathed heavily against my neck.

"You're so beautiful, baby. I love you."

And his sweet words, whispered with such tenderness and sincerity as he nuzzled my neck, were my undoing. I felt myself lock down around him, relentlessly squeezing his length as my body shuddered in its climax, its powerful reaction eliciting Edward's own as he spilled into me, filling me completely. Edward collapsed atop me then, his head resting on my heart, each of us panting heavily. I weaved my fingers into his hair and began gently massaging his scalp and he hummed appreciatively as he reached up to grab my other hand in his.

"For the record, feel free to do that _any fucking time_," I laughed a few moments later after we'd each managed to catch our breaths.

"Do what?" He asked, momentarily lifting his head from my chest and staring up at me out of wide, innocent eyes. I giggled, shaking my head.

"Waking me up by burying your head between my legs," I clarified and he grinned.

"Oh…_that_. You liked that, did you now?"

"Maybe," I teased, and his mouth curved up into the most beautiful and enchanting of smiles before he rested his head back down on my chest. We lay quietly together for awhile, Edward's fingers gently scratching the base of my throat while mine traced an invisible line up and down his back.

"It was wonderful meeting everybody last night. They all seemed genuinely nice," I said after awhile and I felt his chest rise and fall in a contented sigh before he spoke.

"They are," he agreed. "I'm glad they finally had the chance to meet you."

"I really liked Mei, in particular. She's a refreshing change from Daniella," I mused aloud, and immediately regretted my words. Edward inhaled sharply, tensing in my arms.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. That was an incredibly inconsiderate thing for me to say," I rushed to say, chastising myself. I felt terrible. I knew that what had happened between Edward and Daniella had hurt him and I hated that I'd just poured salt into a fresh wound.

"It's all right," he said in an effort to reassure me. "I know what you meant. It only makes sense you'd feel that way. Daniella wasn't very nice to you."

"She wasn't," I agreed. "But that doesn't change the fact that you were close to her once upon a time." Edward lay quiet, the only sound in the room being that of us breathing. I knew he wouldn't talk about her. He never wanted to talk about her.

"You know I wonder every day about how you're doing, Edward. I know you don't like to talk about what happened, but I hope you know that I'm here for you if you want to."

Edward lifted himself off of my chest then, propping himself up on his elbow by my side and resting his head in his hand. He reached across with his hand to trace the silhouette of my face with his forefinger.

"Thank you," he said softly. "I appreciate you wanting to be there for me, but there's really not much to talk about. What's done is done, love. Daniella made some very poor choices, and I'm sorry about that because she was a good friend to me. But that's no longer the case, and quite frankly I don't have the time or the energy to try and make things right between the two of us. It's not my place to, anyway. That would have to be a decision made by Daniella, and even then I'm not so sure I could ever go back to the ways things were between us knowing how she treated you. If fact, I'm quite certain that I couldn't."

"But none of that changes the fact that you were hurt, Edward. I just don't want you to keep everything bottled up inside until suddenly it gets to be too much for you. It helps to talk things through," I said, earnestly. And if anyone knew that to be true, it was me, but Edward only chuckled softly beside me. I looked over at him, bewildered.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked, feeling somewhat hurt by his reaction.

"I'm sorry, love. It's just…well…men think differently than women do, Bella. We handle situations like these in a different way. We, or at least _I,_ tend to work through these types of things best by myself. And like I said before, there really isn't much to say. She lied to me, and she hurt you. It's clear to me our relationship wasn't what I thought it was, so there's really no sense in fighting for something that wasn't genuine to begin with, right?" He asked me and I reluctantly nodded, his thoughts on the matter being very reasonable.

"Makes sense," I agreed. "I just want you to know…"

"Love, don't worry, I know. I know you're there for me. I never question that."

"Good, because I know I'm sort of the crazy, fucked up one in this relationship right now, but no matter what, it always has to be about _us_. Not just me and what I'm going through, but you too… _us_."

"I've never, not felt that way," Edward said very seriously, holding my gaze with his own, and I sighed, smiling lightly at him as I reached across to tap the tip of his nose with my finger.

"Good, because this _figment_ wouldn't have it any other way," I teased. I ribbed Edward's belly with my hand and he groaned, rolling his eyes and chuckling softly at my reference to the cast and crew's nickname for me before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm glad you weren't upset by that. I was a little worried about what you'd think if you ever found out," he whispered against me, and I smiled up at him reassuringly.

"I really wasn't. It was obvious it was all in jest. Although I wonder how it's made you feel," I mused, suddenly sad for Edward that he had to endure being teased about me for months on end. Edward shrugged, his long and elegant forefinger tracing lazy, serpentine designs on my arm.

"No harm, no foul, I suppose. I can't say I necessary liked it, but I tried not to let it bother me. I knew you had your reasons for not coming around, and I respected that." I reached up and placed my hand on Edward's cheek then, turning on my side so that I faced him.

"I would have come sooner if you had asked," I said honestly, but I wondered if it was too little too late. Once again, I was keenly aware of how unfair I'd been to Edward all these months. Luckily, Edward didn't seem to need me to convince him of that.

"I know that," he said, nodding as he reached up to cover my hand with his, holding it firmly against his face. "But I didn't want you to come because you felt you had to in order to please me. I wanted you to come because _you_ wanted to. And seeing you standing there tonight of your own volition…it was worth the wait Bella. You have no idea what it means to me to see that you're becoming more comfortable with my world because I want you to share it with me, always. But it has to be _your_ choice."

"I made my choice to be with you a long time ago, baby," I whispered, and he grinned sleepily at me, covering his mouth with the back of his hand in an effort to stifle a yawn.

"You're so tired. Sleep now," I gently instructed, noting how exhausted he was. I turned onto my back then and pulled him to my side so that his head settled on my chest. I ran my left hand up through his hair, gently scratching at his scalp while my right hand soothed up and down the length of his back. He sighed, winding his leg around mine and pulling himself closer to me.

"Good night, sweet girl," he murmured before drifting off to sleep. I chuckled when I glanced at the alarm clock on the table beside the bed and saw that it was after six in the morning.

"Good morning, sweet boy," I whispered back as I kissed the top of his head and held him while he slept.

The week passed by quickly, with both Edward and me busy with work and school, respectively. Soon it was Thursday, and Edward had arrived home at five that morning after completing his final night of filming. He had a full twenty four hours off of work and when he returned he would once again be working days and evenings. He was ecstatic about this, and so was I. While I loved snuggling with him in bed those mornings he'd arrived home early from work, I much preferred to sleep all night long with him and was almost giddy with the thought of going to bed with him that night. I marveled at the simple things in life, like sleeping beside the one you loved, as I glanced across the room to where Edward now sat, nestled into the corner of the couch with Johann's head resting on his legs.

"What? Are you kidding me? I can't believe this, Rose, she'll be talking by Christmas," Edward cried as he shook his head in exasperation.

"Genevieve is smiling, holding her head up unassisted and grasping a rattle in her hand already," Edward called to me and I couldn't help but chuckle. Edward was beyond excited about meeting his new niece. We'd already purchased several gifts for her for Christmas on Amazon and Edward wanted to venture out to FAO Schwartz too before leaving for Kelly's Island, where Edward's family traditionally spent Christmas.

I tinkered with the piano, playing little tunes like _Chopsticks_ and _Twinkle Twinkle Little Star_ while Edward talked on the phone. Amazingly, Edward had yet to hear me _really_ play the piano. He was always the one to play the piano, while I played my cello. He'd wondered early on why I had a Steinway in my apartment, but I'd just shrugged. It wasn't uncommon for a cellist to have a piano for people to play accompaniment. Since that day, I'd waited for the perfect opportunity to play the piano for Edward, but that moment had yet to arrive. It would eventually, though, and I could hardly wait to see the expression on his face when it did.

Just as Edward ended his call with Rose, my own phone sounded from in the kitchen. I sighed, getting up from the piano bench and moving to answer it. I figured it was either Jasper or Jake calling to let me know they'd arrived at the New York Palace Hotel in Manhattan. We were due to perform there for the Manhattan Chamber Music Society's High Tea event this afternoon. In fact, I really had to get going to meet them there, though leaving Edward was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

When I answered the phone, I was surprised to find Katie Mallory, a freshman at Julliard who was to accompany me today in playing Brahms's _Cello Sonata No. 1_.

"Hi, Katie. What's up?" I asked as I scurried about the apartment looking for my shoes. Edward chuckled at the sight of me.

Suddenly, I froze.

"You've got the flu? Are you kidding me?" I practically yelled, feeling a wave of panic wash over me. "Katie, are you sure you can't just try and make it through thirty minutes of playing? You're leaving me in a real bind here. We're due to perform in less than an hour. I don't even know who I can call now. Everybody is busy, what with it being the holidays and all," I moaned. I felt bad that Katie was sick, but she knew how important this performance was and she'd followed after me all semester, hounding me for the opportunity to play.

Katie apologized profusely before informing me one final time that it just wouldn't be possible for her to perform today and I sighed, telling her to get some rest before hanging up the phone. Edward studied me from the couch, cocking an eyebrow when he noted the distraught expression on my face.

"I take it one of your performers is canceling on you for this afternoon?" He said and I sighed.

"My pianist. What am I going to do Edward? There is no way I'll find somebody to replace her on this short of notice," I wailed. This was a nightmare, an absolute nightmare. I'd been personally selected by the director of the organization to organize this event, and I was certain there would be some awfully dissatisfied guests if I didn't perform a duet for cello and piano.

Edward was quiet for a moment before speaking up and catching me completely off guard.

"What about me?" He asked innocently, and I was all but certain my eyes physically popped out of my head.

"You're kidding me, right?" I laughed nervously. There was no way he was serious.

But he was.

"Why not?" He countered, slightly wounded by my rebuke. "You don't think I'm talented enough?"

"What? No! That's not it at all! Obviously you're ridiculously talented, it's just that…"

"What?" Edward challenged, narrowing his eyes at me. He obviously was not going to cut me any slack.

"Come on, Edward. Not to point out the obvious here, but how do you think the guests will react when they see you performing?" I asked, incredulous.

"Bella, what does it matter who plays the piano as long as there is somebody there to do it?" Edward was becoming frustrated with me, and I realized I didn't really have much of an argument against him performing.

When I didn't answer him, Edward pressed me further.

"Bella, why don't you want me to play with you?" He questioned me softly and I sighed.

"Well, aside from the previously mentioned reason, our playing together has always been something personal, just between you and me. We've never shared it with anyone, Edward, and I'm not sure I'm ready to," I whispered. Edward nodded in silent understanding before moving off of the couch towards me. Arriving in front of me, he reached out and lifted my chin with his forefinger, smiling lovingly down at me.

"Love, music is what brought us together. What we share together when we play will forever be ours, that won't change just because we perform together in front of a few people. The spark won't go away, I promise you that," he assured me, and I knew he was right. But God…Edward performing live with me in front of what was likely to be hundreds of guests…I just wasn't sure how that was going to work. But really, I didn't have much choice.

"Okay," I began. "Let's say I agree to performing a duet with you, what will we play? You've never even looked at Brahms."

"What about Fauré?" Edward suggested, and I gasped, having completely forgotten that we'd been working on that piece over the last several months. "Is that a suitable substitute?"

I thought about that. Fauré's _Elegy_ was a beautiful piece, and Edward and I played it so well together. But it wasn't quite long enough.

"That would be a start…but we'd need to play something else," I said. "Fauré isn't long enough."

Edward didn't hesitate with his response.

"What about the duet you composed?"

My breath hitched in my throat.

"_Our_ duet?" I quietly asked, and Edward slowly nodded.

"Edward, I don't know…I wrote that for you. It's so…personal."

"It's beautiful, Bella."

"But it's _us_," I protested, though only half heartedly.

"Like I said, it's beautiful. We'd blow them all away."

I was certain we would, if in fact I agreed to what Edward was suggesting.

"You're really serious," I said, double checking with him one last time. Edward rolled his eyes at me good humouredly.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

"Fine. When can you be ready?" I asked, and his eyes opened wide with excitement.

"Really?" He said, doubting my sincerity.

"Yes, really. But I need you in a tux, so how long will that take?"

My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I was really going to do this. _We_ were really going to do this.

"I'll have Ronald run me by the hotel and I'll shower and pick up my tux," he said excitedly as he sprinted to the couch to put on his shoes. "I can meet you there in an hour, would that be okay?" I nodded my head and we took a few moments to sort out the small details before Edward headed to the Ritz to shower and dress and I headed to The New York Palace Hotel.

Things were slightly chaotic upon my arrival at the hotel, with city socialites and musicians mingling together in a large crowd in the largest of the hotels ballrooms. I stopped as I entered the room to chat briefly with my professor of cello, Dr. Warren, before heading off to find Jasper and Jake. We would be performing Schubert's _String Trio in B Flat Major_ first, and hopefully by the time we were finished with that piece, Edward would have arrived.

I didn't bother telling Dr. Warren about Katie Mallory's cancellation. Nor did I mention to her the change in pieces from Brahms to Fauré and …Swan. There was no printed program for this afternoon's performance, anyway. The musicians were really just meant to provide background music as members of the Manhattan Chamber Music Society rubbed noses with the city elite, looking for funding for their various citywide programs.

I met Jasper and Jake at the back of the room where they'd already set up their music stands and were tuning their instruments. I quickly removed my cello from its case and tuned with them before we settled into Schubert. Our performance went splendidly and nearly a half hour later we three took our bows as guests briefly paused to applaud our performance before returning to their hobnobbing.

"Where's Katie?" Jasper asked as I rested my cello back in its case. I glanced over my shoulder at him and frowned.

"She's sick. I had to find a replacement," I quickly replied, reaching for my phone which lay in my case.

"What? Who did you find on such short notice?" He wondered aloud, and I held up a finger to him as I checked my messages. There was a text from Edward. He was waiting out back in the car with Ronald.

"Edward," I answered him briskly, and I could have sworn I heard him say "_holy shit_" as I breezed past him and through the crowd to the front of the ballroom. Once out of the room, I quickly made my way to the back of the hotel where I located a door leading out into a parking lot used for service vehicles. There, waiting for me as promised, was Edward.

"Edward…you look…" I shook my head, trying to clear it of the sudden haze that had descended upon it, rendering me completely fucking speechless. God if this man wasn't the most exquisitely beautiful creature I'd ever laid eyes on.

"Bella?" Edward teased, moving toward me and grabbing my hand in his. He bent to kiss me then tugged me indoors, into the warmth of the building and out of the bitter cold. I was stumbling behind him, still trying to get over the sight of him in a tux. I would never get used to that, no matter how many times I saw him dressed like that. Edward turned to look at me and grinned.

"You're star struck, aren't you?" He tried to suppress a smirk as I nodded wordlessly. He chuckled softly before winking at me and pulling on my hand.

"Come on silly girl, we've got a duet to play," he said, and his words immediately brought me back to the here and now.

"Right…duet…Edward, are you absolutely certain…"

"Good God, Bella, enough with that. Yes! I want to do this! Can't you see how excited I am about this?" He asked as we continued down the hall. And I had to admit, he was positively beaming, a wide grin plastered across his face, literally stretching from one ear to the other. And his eyes…his beautiful sea green eyes absolutely sparkled with delight.

As we approached the ballroom, I pulled Edward off into a little alcove.

"This is what we're going to do," I said. "We're both going to enter the room and walk immediately towards the back where we're set up to play. I'm going to announce what we'll be performing, but if it's all right with you, I'm not going to introduce you just yet. I'd like for people to be interested in listening to you play because of your talent, and not because of whom you are."

Edward cocked a skeptical brow.

"You don't think people will recognize me?"

"Some will," I admitted, "but most won't be paying that much attention. They'll be listening, but busy mingling, too. This isn't a sit down affair."

Edward shrugged. "Whatever you feel is best love," he said, smiling brightly. I took a deep breath and, taking Edward's hand in mine, led him through the doors into the ballroom and immediately to the rear of the room. As we approached, Jasper grinned and held out his hand to Edward. Jake on the other hand froze in place, completely caught off guard by Edward's presence. I felt a slight twinge of guilt at not having told him Edward would be here, but there really hadn't been any time. I smiled apologetically and he stared back at me blankly for only a moment before offering a slight smile and perfunctory nod.

After Edward had settled at the piano, I walked forward to the microphone, tapping the top to clear it of static.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I hope you all enjoyed our performance of Schubert's _String Trio in B Flat Major_. Up next, we'll be performing a series of two piano and cello duets. The first selection is Fauré's _Elegy_, and the second selection will be a piece composed by me, Isabella Swan, for piano and cello."

A few faces turned to regard me at that announcement, most notably Dr. Warren's. I smiled politely before lifting my cello from its case and sitting down in my chair. I turned to Edward.

"Can I have an A, please?" I asked, taking a moment to tune my cello to the piano. Once we were tuned, I silently counted off a full measure while looking at Edward, and then we began to play.

The moment we began to play I felt the current of electricity travel between us, connecting us to each other as it always did when we played music together. Our music was an expression of our love for each other – very simply, it was everything we were unable to put into words. And every time we played together, our performance reflected this.

Today was no exception, and it didn't escape my notice as we neared the end of the short piece that the entire ballroom had fallen silent. People were standing and staring, eyes wide with disbelief as they listened to the two of us play. The energy in the room was palpable, and it was magical to see the effect we had on people, especially knowing it was all because of what we felt for each other. I couldn't help but smile as Edward and I both stood to take our bows. I turned to Edward and winked as we did so, and he grinned back, obviously quite satisfied with our performance. We took our seats then, and I nodded at him, letting him know I was ready to commence with our final piece.

The room was completely silent now save the curious whispers of astonished guests as they realized that it was Edward Cullen playing the piano. Neither Edward nor I paid them any heed, however, and instead began playing our song. As we played, I was very quickly overcome with emotion and had to fight hard not to cry as I realized that in so many ways, this performance was a proclamation of my love for Edward and his love for me. If there had been any doubt before as to what exactly we meant to each other, there would be none now. Our music, our song said it all. I gazed in Edward's direction partway through the song, and our eyes connected. His lips curved up into a tender smile as he regarded me lovingly, and I smiled back, sighing heavily at the depth of my feelings for this one person. He was it, he was everything – we were everything, all that mattered.

As our playing drew to a close, we were greeted with thunderous applause, but neither Edward nor I seemed to care. We both sat lost in each other's eyes, each of us trying to come to grips with our own emotions. I saw that he was struggling not to cry, which in turn made it all the more difficult for me not to, and only when Dr. Warren approached the two of us was I able to finally tear my gaze from Edward's and look at her.

"Bella," she breathed, holding out her hand to me. I rested my cello on the floor beside my chair and she pulled me into a hug. The room was abuzz with conversation, and I noticed as I returned Dr. Warren's embrace that many of the guests were staring at both Edward and me. As Dr. Warren pulled away, she glanced in Edward's direction. He smiled nervously, holding out his hand to shake hers as he approached.

"Hello ma'am, I'm Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Dr. Warren smiled warmly at Edward.

"Edward, I'm Dr. Warren, Bella's professor of cello. And I must say I'm in awe of you as a musician. That performance was simply divine."

Edward grinned from ear to ear, humbly accepting Dr. Warren's compliments with grateful thanks of his own.

Forty five minutes later, Edward and I had finally managed to ready ourselves to leave. We'd spent time mingling with the guests after our performance and Edward had been complimented on his skills as a pianist as well as offered many opportunities to study music at various institutions of higher learning in New York. He was quite pleased with himself, and completely thrilled with the way the evening had turned out. And I had to admit, so was I. I was happy that _Edward_ was so happy…and that I'd managed to pull off the High Tea event without a hitch. Life was good…yes, life was certainly good.

Edward had just run to the restroom and I was finishing putting my cello away in its case when I saw Jake walking toward me from the other side of the room. I was somewhat surprised. The ballroom had all but emptied out by now and I thought he and Jasper had left long ago…

Jake smiled lightly at me as he approached, though I could sense that he was nervous. I stood up and smiled back at him as he came to stand in front of me, wondering what it was that he wanted.

"Hey, Bella," he said. He fidgeted, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Hey, Jake. What's up? I thought you and Jazz left awhile ago." Jake shook his head, no.

"Um…actually, I was waiting for you to finish playing. You played beautifully, by the way. Great job," he said, and he seemed sincere in his words, which I had to admit, surprised me. We'd never cleared the air after that night in my apartment and since that time we'd said very little to one another, even during our practices. We did what we had to do to get the job done, but we no longer shared anything more, as sad as that was.

"Thanks, Jake. You did a terrific job yourself," I replied.

There was a brief moment in time where the both of us stood awkwardly facing each other, neither one of us seeming to know what to say. I was wondering when Edward was going to return, when Jake finally gathered the courage to speak.

"Bella…I was wondering, do you think we could go somewhere and talk?"

**Chapter End Notes:**

Please take the time to review! I really appreciate the time you take to leave me your thoughts; it makes this whole endeavor worth the while.


	26. Resolution

**Author's Notes:**

First, and most importantly, I'd like to extend the warmest of mother's day wishes to all of the mommies and mommies-to-be who are reading this story! I'll be spending my mother's day frolicking on the beach with my two bambinos! Hope you all enjoy yours!

Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing! I sincerely appreciate your thoughts and input!

BIG THANKS to **skyeblue0610** for her mad beta skills!

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** who included me in a list of underappreciated stories!

Warning: This chapter contains sexual content.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 26: Resolution**

**BPOV**

I stared into Jake's wide brown eyes, suddenly incredibly nervous to be standing there with him. I wondered why I felt that way. This was just Jake after all. I'd known for awhile that this moment was coming, so it wasn't a surprise. It was inevitable, really. We'd spent months exchanging little more than civil salutations, and that had to change. But why here, why now? I cast a sidelong glance towards the entrance to the ballroom, wondering where exactly Edward was. I expected him to return at any moment.

"Jake…listen I'm not really sure now is the time…"

"Please, Bella," Jake interrupted me, not allowing me to finish my thought. "This is important. We were friends not so long ago. Very good friends I might add. Hasn't this gone on long enough? All I'm asking is for the opportunity to talk to you. That's all. Just talk."

I studied Jake's face intently. He appeared sincere. There was no bitterness in his voice, only an eagerness to set things straight. Just then I heard the door to the ballroom open and in walked Edward. I turned to face him and felt a sharp pang of remorse as his face first fell then hardened at the sight of Jake standing before me. He eyed Jake suspiciously as he quickly moved to my side, winding his arm around my waist protectively and pulling me close to him.

"Jacob," he greeted Jake tersely.

"Edward," Jacob nodded at him in return. "I was just complimenting Bella on her performance this evening. I suppose the same is in order for you. I didn't realize you played. You're duet was…very well done." I could see what it was costing Jake to compliment Edward on his performance and my heart ached just a little bit for him. He was making an effort to try and make things right and I had to give him credit for that. I felt Edward relax slightly at my side when he saw that Jacob had no intentions of being confrontational. He cleared his throat before mumbling "thanks," after which an uncomfortable silence ensued as the three of us stood quietly, awkwardly studying the other. Finally, I spoke.

"Edward," I began slowly, turning in his arm to place my left hand upon his chest and look up into his eyes. "Jake has asked if I might join him for a coffee. He'd like to talk for a bit." Edward's measured gaze never wavered, but his arm noticeably tightened around my waist and his jaw went taught.

"Would you like to join him?" He quietly asked. I exhaled slowly, gently raking my fingertips against his chest.

I turned to Jake.

"Jake, would you mind giving Edward and me a moment please?" Jake smiled lightly at me, answering my question with a silent nod before moving to gather his violin and exiting the room. I watched him leave then turned back to Edward.

"Hey," I whispered as I stood on my tiptoes and placed a soft kiss to his lips. He sighed, his eyes falling shut as I reached behind him with my hand, weaving my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. I gently scratched, kneading my fingers into his skin. Slowly he began to relax, his shoulders dropping and his forehead falling forward against mine.

"I don't like it," he finally said, pulling back from me and opening his eyes to look into mine.

"I know. But I think Jake's being honest. I think he just wants to talk."

"But why now? It's been two months and he's barely said two words to you."

I shrugged.

"I wondered the same thing, but maybe he hasn't been ready before now. I know I wasn't." Edward swallowed hard, his eyes boring into mine. He was so serious right now.

"Are you now?"

I thought about that for a moment and realized that I was. I nodded slowly.

"I think I am. A lot has happened in the last two months, Edward. You and I…we're firmly together now. I'm not trying to figure out what I feel, what we mean to each other or where we stand. I'm yours," I reminded him softly, reaching up to smooth the worry from his face with my free hand, "and you're mine." Edward sighed, nodding his head in agreement ever so slightly.

"Jake was a very good friend to me in the past, Edward, and while I'm not sure we can ever return to the way we were, I'd like to think we can get past this awkwardness in being around one another. I'm hopeful we can, anyway. But that won't happen if we don't talk."

"I know," Edward acquiesced. "Logically, what you say makes perfect sense. It's just hard for me. You share a history with Jacob and I saw how much he wanted you…"

"Baby, you have nothing to worry about," I assured him, and I couldn't help it, I chuckled softly to myself.

"This hardly seems the time to be laughing," Edward grumbled, obviously unappreciative of my laughter.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "But can't you see the humor in this situation? You literally have thousands upon thousands of women throwing themselves at you on a daily basis. You do realize it's me that should be the jealous one, don't you?" He shook his head vehemently, no.

"They mean nothing to me."

"Precisely," I said, serious now. "And Jake means nothing to me. And despite the fact I probably should be at least somewhat jealous of all the women who want you, I'm not because I trust you. I trust you when you tell me you love me and only me. I'm asking the same of you, Edward. I'm asking you to trust me, too."

Edward sighed again, and I could tell that while he understood my logic, it was still very difficult for him to accept me talking to Jake. And as much as I didn't like the idea that I couldn't talk to somebody for fear that it would upset Edward, I did understand how he felt. I felt the same way about Daniella. Ultimately, Edward was my priority. I didn't want for him to feel worried or upset.

I pulled away from Edward and taking his hand in mine, led him over to the piano bench. I pulled him down beside me, resting our linked hands in my lap.

"Listen. I don't want for this to upset you. I can understand how you're feeling and if it's too much for you for me to meet Jake alone, I won't go. I'll do that for you because I love you and your sense of security is what's most important to me. That being said, I think we'd both feel much better if I cleared the air with Jake. And I'm almost certain that's what this is all about. I wouldn't go if I thought Jake had ulterior motives. So what do you think? Can you trust me?"

I knew it wasn't necessarily fair of me to lay the burden of my decision on Edward, but he hadn't given me much choice. I wouldn't meet with Jake unless I was certain Edward was okay with it.

Edward sat very quiet and still by my side for a short moment before reluctantly nodding his head.

"Okay," he said, turning to face me. He squeezed my hand to let me know he was sincere. "I trust you. You know that I do. Just promise me one thing. If he starts to suggest anything other than the two of you being friends, will you please just leave? I can't stand the thought of him coming onto you when I can't be there to do anything about it. "

"Of course," I assured him, squeezing his hand back.

A little while later Jake and I sat together in a small coffee shop not far from where I lived. Edward was returning home to the apartment to try and get some sleep. He had an early morning cast call tomorrow and was exhausted from being up for most of the day. I hoped that indeed he would go to sleep, but I had my doubts.

Jake and I hadn't said much to each other on the car ride over to the coffee shop but now that we were settled into a small booth in the back of the store - each of us with a tall, steaming cup of coffee, we were no longer able to avoid conversation.

"So how have you been?" I decided to speak first, to try and alleviate some of the looming tension. Besides, I was genuinely interested in how he was. Despite what had happened between us, I still cared for Jake. I didn't realize how much I'd missed his companionship until we were seated casually across from one another in a coffee shop…just like old times.

"I've been good. Better now than I was," he replied, ducking his head in embarrassment at his mention of the past.

"Look, Jake. I don't want for this to be uncomfortable for either one of us so let me just go ahead and apologize now for what happened. I've had a lot of time to think about it over the past several months and I realize now that I should have told you sooner about Edward. I shouldn't have kept that from you, but my relationship with Edward wasn't yet defined and _ours_ was admittedly complicated…"

"You caught me off guard that night, Bella. I regret how I reacted, but I was honestly shocked that you were dating someone, let alone Edward Cullen. I really thought that maybe there was a chance that we could be together, and seeing you there with Edward was just a little more than I could take," Jake admitted and I sighed. It was obvious he'd been blindsided by Edward and it didn't help that I'd been unclear about my feelings for him.

"I understand why you were so upset, Jake," I said, wanting to validate his feelings. I realized that I had to shoulder at least part of the burden of responsibility for what had happened between the two of us. "I'd been sending you mixed signals for a long time. It was unintentional, but it doesn't change the fact that you had reason to believe that we might have a chance together. And I'm so sorry for that. I'm ashamed, really, that I didn't see how unfair I was being to you. I enjoyed being close with you, but the thing is…it was always platonic for me. I didn't want anything more, with anyone really. Until I met Edward…" I trailed off, watching Jake, trying to gauge his reaction to my words. He appeared contemplative, but not necessarily upset.

"Can I ask you something?" He questioned me quietly.

"Of course, you can ask my anything, Jake. I'm just so grateful we're actually able to sit here and talk about this. Maybe I've no right to feel this way, but us not being friends with each other has been very difficult for me."

"It has for me too, Bella." Jake paused for a moment before continuing with his question.

"What is it about Edward? What makes him so different?"

I swallowed hard, not really sure how to answer that. I didn't want to say that Edward was kind and caring, loving and understanding, even though he _was_…because in truth, Jake was all of those things too. And really, what was it that made one person fall so helplessly in love with another? I wasn't exactly sure I knew the answer to that question. I only knew that I _had_…fallen helplessly in love with Edward. And that it could only ever be him.

"Sometimes two people meet, and they find something in each other that they didn't know they were missing but suddenly they realize they can't live without," I answered him as honestly as I could, hoping that what I said made even the tiniest bit of sense. "That's how it was for Edward and me," I added quietly. "I truly wasn't looking to fall in love, Jake. It just happened."

I was worried about how Jake might react to my coming right out and telling him that I was in love with Edward, but he surprised me. His face softened at my words, and he offered me a small, wistful, smile.

"I can see that you are…in love, Bella. And I can see that you're happy, too. And as much as I would have liked for it to have been me you fell in love with, that didn't happen. After seeing you with Edward tonight, I realize that it never will. I've thought a lot over the last few months about whether or not I could ever accept you as being together with Edward, but I've finally realized that if I want you in my life as a friend, I have no other choice but to. And I want that…to try and be your friend, if you're willing. You're too important to me to give up."

I sighed heavily, a relieved smile splitting my face as I reached across the table to take Jake's hand in mine.

"I do want that, if you're able to manage it. We've shared so much together, Jake. I'd hate to lose that. "

"Me too, Bella. You're the best friend I've ever had. I'm not willing to let that go."

"Good," I said, squeezing his hand. "I'm not ready to let you go, either."

Jake smiled shyly at me, laughing lightly as he shook his head.

"Boy - am I glad to have this conversation over with," he said as he reached for his cup to take a sip of his coffee.

"Me too," I agreed, laughing with him, happy to finally be able to relax.

Jake and I chatted easily with each other after our talk. We had a lot up catching up to do but I mostly let Jake do the talking. I wasn't sure how appropriate it was for me to share details of my relationship with Edward. Much to my surprise, Jake admitted that he'd recently met someone and that they'd been spending a great deal of time together. I raised a brow when he told me her name was Nessie, but I refrained from teasing him when he shot me a very obvious look of warning. Jake described Nessie to me in great detail and when he spoke of her, it was with the utmost reverence. This made me very happy. At some point during our conversation, I asked Jake whether or not Nessie was a music major and he threw his head back in laughter telling me he refused to become involved with anybody in the music department ever again. There was a reason why businesses frowned upon office romances, he said while winking at me. I rolled my eyes at him, letting him poke fun at our situation. Even though we had never been involved per se, I understood what he was saying.

Time passed and before I knew it, it was well past midnight. I gasped when I glanced at my watch and saw the time. I hadn't spoken with Edward since leaving the hotel and hoped that he was at home in bed and not up and worrying about me. As we gathered our things to leave, Jake took my hand in his, leveling his eyes at mine.

"Bella, thank you for agreeing to talk to me tonight. I've really missed _us_," he said, offering me a reflective smile. "But while I'd really like for us to be friends….I just want you to know that I'm not exactly sure how it will be for me. I can't make any promises. All I can promise is that I'll try. I hope that's all right." His words were spoken with such honesty that I felt a small lump form in my throat. This was the Jake I knew and loved.

"Thank you for being honest, Jake. Of course it's all right. We'll just take things as they come and we'll find a way to make it work. I promise." He nodded appreciatively, squeezing my hand before leading me out of the shop.

I tried to be as quiet as possible as I slipped inside my apartment a little while later. It was late and I was sure that Edward was already asleep. I'd texted him before I left the coffee shop to let him know I was on my way home, but he hadn't replied. All the lights were out in the apartment as I entered so it wasn't until I moved further inside that I noticed Edward sitting quietly on the couch. Silently he stood, prowling towards me, disrobing me with his heated, carnal stare. As he drew closer I could see his eyes more clearly – they were wild and possessive. I gasped, inadvertently dropping my purse at my side. His gaze rendered me helpless and set my heart afire.

When he reached me, he stretched his right hand out to gently stroke my cheek. His hand trembled against my skin and I shuddered, leaning into his warm, sensual touch.

"Edward, baby…" I tried to speak, but his mouth was on mine too quickly, claiming it roughly without any remorse. He was breathing heavily and I noticed he was still wearing his tux, though he'd long ago discarded the jacket and partially unbuttoned his shirt. I reached out to gently sweep at the soft hairs peeking out from behind the shirt and he groaned while walking me backwards until my back was flush with the front door.

His mouth continued to assault mine, his tongue easily dominating my own as he pushed his body roughly against mine. I was pinned against the door now, but I didn't care. I could feel his raging erection grinding into my groin and I knew what he wanted, what he needed in that moment. I looked up at him out of eyes no less wanton than his and he growled, kissing hungrily, sloppily down my neck. My legs started to quiver as his hardness pushed against my center and I mewled, eagerly pushing myself against him, wanting to get closer…closer even still…than we were. He moaned in response, his mouth returning to mine as he kissed and nipped at my lips.

"Take me, Edward, make me yours," I begged.

That was all that needed to be said.

Edward grabbed me by my hips, surprising me by spinning us around and sinking to the floor. He knelt before me, his hands frenzied as they hastily removed my clothes. It didn't take long. He was wild with need, his chest heaving as he fumbled with his own zipper. I reached my hands out to help, but he was too fast. No sooner had he freed himself from the confines of his trousers than he was sinking into me, groaning loudly as he slid inside and began pumping furiously.

My eyes rolled back in my head as Edward took me with abandon, setting a relentless pace. I remembered this wild side to him, the time he'd taken me roughly against the wall in his hotel, and I fucking loved it. Tonight was different though. There was a sense of desperation in his movements and as I stared up into his beautiful sea green eyes, I tried to calm him with my gaze. Slowly, I reached up to wisp his hair from his eyes. As I did so, his eyes squeezed shut and his face twisted up into what could only be described as painful pleasure. He pulled out of me then, his right hand moving quickly to his erection, grasping it and pumping it hard until he came with a loud roar, spilling himself on my chest and claiming me as his own.

He wasn't through.

After wiping his release from my chest, Edward sat back on his heels, his eyes roving hungrily, possessively over my body. Wordlessly he reached out, stroking my swollen center purposefully with his thumb. I knew what he was doing. Even amidst his need to have his own way with me, to claim me and make me his, he wouldn't leave me unsatisfied. I whimpered as he looked upon me, his gaze hardened and raw. His jaw fell slack as he watched what his hand did to me as it brought me to the point of no return. I arched my back up off of the floor, craving greater contact with him. While he continued to rub me with his right hand, he slipped two fingers inside me with his left – and it was my total and complete undoing. I came hard, relentlessly gripping his fingers as my orgasm consumed my quivering form. Edward watched me out of wild, lust filled eyes, still breathing heavily from his own release as I slowly descended from mine.

As our breathing returned to normal, I reached out and took his hand in mine. Though we'd both achieved release, I felt strangely unfulfilled. And it was then that I noticed it, his red, bloodshot eyes, and my heart fell as I wondered how I could have missed it before.

"Hey you, come here," I whispered softly, tugging gently on his hand. He did not resist and fell to my chest, burying his head in my hair. I pulled him close and we lay together quietly for a bit as I gently raked my fingers through his hair.

"What was that all about?" I asked after awhile. I was beginning to feel a little anxious. Edward was quieter than normal after having done what we'd just done. He shrugged against me and my concern intensified.

"Baby, what's going on? Are you okay?" I pressed and I felt Edward sigh. I was vaguely aware of the fact that I lay naked on the floor with Edward's half clothed body pressed to mine, but at the moment I didn't really care.

"I'm fine," he whispered after a moment, but I didn't believe him. I turned on my side, gently easing him off of my chest so that I could look at his face. It was pained and worried and it broke my heart. Edward looked away from me then, sitting up to pull his trousers back on and bringing his legs forward so that he could rest his elbows on his knees. His hands wandered up into his hair, pulling and tugging at the disheveled locks as he stared down at the floor. I reached out and grabbed the afghan off of the couch, wrapping it around my bare body before kneeling in front of Edward.

"Baby, is this about Jacob?" I asked, not wanting to believe that was what was upsetting him so. I felt awful, thinking that I'd caused him any pain. "Because if it is, you have nothing to worry about. I've told you that already," I soothed, reaching out to smooth the hair from his face. He offered me a sad smile, sighing heavily and leaning in towards my touch.

"It's not exactly that," he said cryptically and I shook my head at him.

"Then what is it, baby? Please talk to me."

Edward hung his head.

"Most normal boyfriends would be able to offer you a life I simply cannot," he said slowly and I stared at him blankly, not understanding what on earth he was talking about. I looked to him for explanation and he continued.

"Sometimes I worry that maybe my life will become too much for you, that you'll decide that you want to live a more normal life outside the public eye. And the thought that Jacob or someone else can offer you that when I clearly _can't_ really bothers me because I so desperately want to give you everything Bella," he whispered quietly. "Seeing you with Jacob tonight just reminded me of that."

I sat before Edward, stunned and saddened by his words. I had to admit that there were times when I wondered whether or not I was enough for him, knowing that I struggled with so very many issues in my life, but it had never really occurred to me that Edward might feel the same, that he might question whether or not he could meet all of _my_ needs. I didn't want for him to feel that way. He was everything to me, my very reason for living now if I was being honest. If it weren't for him, I'd likely still be coasting through life as an emotionless soul whose life was devoid of any meaning. I reached up and cradled his face in both of my hands.

"Edward, you have to know that you are everything to me. I don't want you to ever doubt whether or not you are enough for me or wonder whether there might be someone else who is better able to meet my needs because there isn't. Even if there was, it wouldn't matter because I don't want anybody else. I'll only ever want you, forever." I held his gaze firmly with my own as I spoke to him, trying my hardest to impart my truest feelings for him and hoping to God that I was successful. Edward nodded ever so slightly at my words, and I relaxed just a little, leaning forward to kiss his sweet lips. He responded to my touch, kissing me back gently and rubbing his nose with mine.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I guess seeing you and Jacob together was more difficult than I thought it would be. I also think I'm more nervous about leaving for Paris than I care to admit," he added and I inhaled sharply. I didn't like to think about Paris and tried not to talk about it. It was just too difficult for me. I didn't want to think about ever being separated from Edward, let alone three months. But I could see that it was preoccupying Edward, and I didn't want him to worry.

"I am too, baby," I whispered softly, my forehead resting against his. I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone in how he was feeling. "But we'll make it through. As long as we trust in each other, trust that we're all that the other will ever need, we'll survive. It won't be easy, but we will."

"We have to," Edward sighed, pulling me forward and cradling me against his chest.

"We will," I assured him, stretching up to place a kiss to the stubble on his chin.

Edward held me for awhile on the floor, his hand absently running up and down the length of my arm that curled against his chest. Presently he chuckled, a deep rumble that resonated in his chest and caused my head to jiggle a little.

"What?" I asked, looking up at him curiously.

"I'm just thinking about before," he murmured, his lips sweeping across the top of my head.

"Mmm…" I hummed, running my hand up and down his bare chest, my fingers playing with the tiny hairs. "That was amazing. I love a possessive Edward," I teased and his chuckle morphed into a hearty laugh.

"I don't think I've ever been consumed with such a preeminent and singular need. I _had_ to claim you, knowing you'd just been with Jacob."

The memory of Edward spilling his release atop my chest filled my head and instantly warmed me through. I sat up, moving my legs to either side of his muscular thighs, straddling his lap. I bent to kiss him, languidly running my tongue up his neck, licking him and nipping at his earlobe as my hips rolled suggestively forward. I felt him harden beneath me and listened to him groan as I coaxed his body to life.

"I like you claiming me. I like knowing I'm yours and nobody else's. I only wish I could mark you like you marked me," I said as I gently bit down on his shoulder. Edward gasped, pulling my head to his and kissing me deeply. I kissed him back with everything I had, running my hands up into his hair and tugging on it, just as he liked. He moaned in approval and I tore my lips from his.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love," he panted, his mouth desperately seeking mine.

"Take off your pants." I giggled and moved to the side so that Edward could shimmy out of his trousers. Once he was fully naked I climbed back on top of him, wasting no time in sinking down atop his gloriously hardened length.

"Love you," I murmured as my forehead fell against his. I rocked my hips forward, gasping at the sensation of him filling me so fully. He leaned in and nuzzled my neck, moaning softly as he bent to whisper in my ear.

"Forever and always, Bella. Forever and always."

Early Saturday morning I peeled my eyes open to say a proper goodbye to Edward before he left for his early morning cast call. It was ridiculously early…not even light outside and my poor man was already heading off to work. At least he was sleeping by my side at night now. Well, mostly sleeping…anyway….

After spending a good ten minutes devouring Edward I reluctantly let him go. Both of us were aching in more ways than one, but filming was drawing to a close and Edward was sure to catch grief if he showed up late to work. After he left, I couldn't go back to sleep and decided to get up and get a few hours of practice in. My semester review was scheduled for the following week. Soon after, Edward and I would be heading off to Kelly's Island to spend Christmas with his family. I was excited to go, but anxious as well. The prospect of meeting his family was somewhat unnerving. His family was so perfect, nuclear in every sense of the word. Mine wasn't. Enough said.

Round about ten o'clock I put my cello aside and stepped into the shower, all the while contemplating how I would spend the remainder of my day. By the time I finished showering, I'd made my decision. It was a beautiful day outside. Despite the cold, the sun was shining brightly in a deep blue, cloudless sky. It was perfect weather for Christmas shopping which is what I intended to do with Alice.

I was feeling amazingly contented and refreshed as I strolled through the city, opting to take the subway to Alice's apartment rather than drive. It was too beautiful a day not to be outside. Alice wasn't expecting me, though I'd spoken with Jasper earlier and he'd confirmed that Alice was free for the day. Actually, he'd cancelled his plans with her so that she and I could spend some quality time together. It was so rare that we had a chance to do that anymore, and I really, really missed her.

As I approached her apartment door, I heard music blaring from her stereo and my lips curved up into a broad smile as I realized what Alice was listening to. It was a mix that we'd made during our senior year in high school that included our favorite songs from the 1980s. I rang the doorbell, eager to get inside.

"Surprise!" I yelled, throwing my arms up in the air as Alice opened the door. Her eyes opened wide in shock at the unexpected sight of me before she grabbed me and engulfed me in one of her crazy strong hugs.

"Bella!" She cried, squealing with delight and stumbling backwards into her apartment with me still locked tightly in her arms. Just then, our favorite song from the mix started to play. We both looked at each other and screamed like little school girls, jumping up and down in place. As _Our House_ filled the air, we both started to dance around and mimic the lyrics. Of course Alice was the more graceful of the two of us and that was painstakingly obvious as she performed pirouettes and arabesques about the living room. But I was definitely the better singer. Yes indeed, we were a good match.

As the music played on we danced about the apartment, enjoying ourselves and our stolen whimsical moment together. There weren't enough of those anymore and it made me nostalgic for the old days. As the music drew to a close, we both collapsed on the couch beside one another, each of us laboring to catch our breaths.

"What are you doing here?" Alice exclaimed once her breathing had returned to normal. A huge grin split my face as I turned to face her.

I grabbed her hand in mine.

"I'm here to kidnap you for the day. We're going to spend the day Christmas shopping and having lunch together…my treat. It's been too long," I said, my voice faltering slightly as I was suddenly keenly aware of just how much I'd missed spending time with my best friend. Alice smiled warmly at me, squeezing my hand.

"It has been too long. I've missed you too."

Alice and I chatted for a few minutes on the couch, catching up on all that had happened during the past week, before Alice popped up and headed into her bedroom to ready herself for our outing.

"So tell me, why is it that we haven't gone out dancing since you've been dating the Hollywood superstar?" Alice teased from her bedroom. "That was fun just now."

I shuffled into Alice's bedroom to where she stood knee deep in a pile of clothes, picking through them for the perfect pair of jeans to wear.

"Since I'd rather not embarrass myself by tripping and falling flat on my face in the middle of the dance floor," I replied. It was all fine and good to dance with Alice while safely hidden away behind an apartment door, but I wasn't keen on dancing in public. I wasn't exactly what I considered to be the most graceful of dancers.

"Oh come on, Bella. You exaggerate. You'd fall flat on your ass," she cackled. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Seriously, though," she continued, trying her best to suppress a grin. "Don't you think your sex on a stick boyfriend would want to grind himself against your ass on a dance floor?"

"Alice!" I yelled, grabbing a pair of jeans from the floor and flinging them at her from where I sat on the bed. "God, why do you always have to be so crude?" I was trying not to laugh because I realized this would only encourage Alice, but it was very difficult not to.

"Just saying…"she called to me over her shoulder as she skipped into the bathroom.

"I'm not even sure dancing is really Edward's thing," I said as I considered the fact that I really didn't know if that was Edward's type of scene. We'd never been to a club together, but then again…we were only just starting to venture outside of my apartment.

"That's because the two of you have spent way too much time holed up in that apartment of yours. You're worse than Jasper and me. You're like an old married couple after only three months together!" She goaded.

"That may be true, but that doesn't mean we spend our time laying around and watching T.V., if you know what I mean," I said suggestively.

"_What!_" Alice cried, poking her head around the bathroom door." "Oh do tell, Miss Swan. I want to know everything there is to know about that sex god of a boyfriend of yours!" She squealed. I laughed, shaking my head back and forth at Alice's overtly enthusiastic interest in my sex life.

"There's not much to tell other than we want each other _all the fucking time_…"

I purposely enunciated my words in order to elicit a reaction out of Alice and watched in great amusement as her jaw went completely slack.

"Aahh!" Alice was no longer interested in doing her make-up. In one quick movement she was on the bed beside me.

"So it's that good, huh?" She pressed me excitedly for more information and I nodded at her, biting down on my lower lip, suddenly feeling shy.

"It is. It's absolutely amazing, Alice. We can't get enough. I'm actually starting to think I might have a problem. If I see him sitting on the couch, I want to crawl into his lap, straddle him and…well…you know. If we're taking a shower together, I want him to pin me against the tiles and..." I blushed, not able to say exactly what it was I wanted Edward to do to me, but Alice knew. "And when we're lying in bed at night, we can't keep our hands off of each other. It's sort of out of control. Is this even normal?"

Despite my reluctance to share intimate details of my sex life, I was rather glad to be talking to Alice about this. I'd actually been feeling a bit overwhelmed by the passion that Edward and I shared for each other and wanted some reassurance that my insatiable need for Edward was in fact normal. Not that either one of us was complaining, but still.

Alice looked at me as if I was completely insane.

"You're dating _Edward fucking Cullen_, Bella. What do you expect?"

I burst out laughing then, Alice and I both falling back onto her bed.

"And this is significant, why?" I wondered as I turned to face Alice.

Alice rolled her eyes at me.

"Because he's freaking hot, Bella, not to mention the fact that he's one of the most wanted men alive," she teased.

It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"That really doesn't mean anything to me, you know. It never has. I could care less about the fact that he's Hollywood's current _It_ man. In fact, it would make life a hell of a lot easier for us if he weren't," I said. Alice's expression softened at my words and she reached out to gently squeeze my hand.

"I know. I was just teasing you Bella. I can see the type of man that Edward is. More importantly, I can see what it is he means to you. You wanting each other all the time, it's completely normal for two people who are in love. It's an expression of what you both feel for each other. I'd be worried if you didn't want to make love to him all the time, not the other way around."

I rolled on my back and stared up at the ceiling, a silly grin plastered across my face.

"He's just…he's just everything to me, Alice, you know? Every day I get to know him better and I love him a little bit more. He's just so incredibly amazing. He's infinitely patient with me, understanding, loving…the list goes on and on. He's perfect, absolutely perfect."

"For you, I can see that he is," Alice agreed.

"I honestly don't think I would be where I am today if he hadn't come into my life," I whispered softly, and with my words, the conversation suddenly turned serious. I glanced over at Alice and she nodded solemnly.

"Neither do I, Bella. You've changed so much since you met him, so much in just the past month even. You're more confident in your relationships and resolute in your desire to face your past. He's done that for you. He's given you a reason to embrace your life instead of hiding from it."

"I draw such strength from him as well. I feel like with him by my side supporting me that I can really put my life back together, no matter how difficult it may be. I've never felt that way before…as if it were possible for me to ever know peace." I realized absently as I was speaking with Alice that for so long she'd filled the role for me that Edward now did and I was immediately worried she might have misconstrued what I said.

"Alice…I didn't mean to imply that your support wasn't enough…"

Alice held up her hand, stopping me short.

"Please. You don't need to explain anything to me Bella. I understand completely what you're saying. I never thought that I would be the reason you would finally seek help. I was just there to support you through your rough times. You needed something more than me to inspire you to confront your demons. Edward was the catalyst to make that happen. And it makes sense, right? I mean this is the man that you will most likely marry…"

I sat up straight in bed then, my eyes opened wide in shock.

"Whoa…hold up there. Why are we suddenly talking about marriage? Don't you think it's a little soon to be bringing that up?"

Alice giggled at my sudden, obvious discomfort.

"I didn't say that you should get married _now_, Bella. It's just that…what the two of you have together is extraordinary and I just assumed that one day…"

"Honestly, we haven't really discussed it," I said quietly, cutting her off. I turned my head away from her direct stare. For whatever reason, I wasn't entirely comfortable with this new topic of conversation.

"But you love him, Bella" Alice argued softly.

"Like I'll love never love another," I responded honestly. "But I'm not sure that marriage is something that I'm interested in. Definitely not now…it's much too soon, and maybe not even later. I don't really need for Edward to wear a ring to know he's mine."

"Maybe that's true, but have you ever thought that perhaps he does?"

_What?_ I knew this was just a hypothetical conversation as Edward and I had really not discussed the prospect of marriage. But Alice's comment got my wheels turning. Did Edward feel that way? Did he think of marriage with me, and was it important to him that I one day wear a ring? It was a very abstract thing for me to consider because really, it had taken us until now just to begin being comfortable in our own skins.

"Ugh, Alice! Why do you have to go around planting all of these thoughts in my head? Edward and I have never once even so much as mentioned marriage to each other, and now as a result of one simple conversation with you I'm going to be obsessing over whether or not Edward will eventually need for me to wear a ring!" I exclaimed.

"Oh for the love of God, Bella, settle down," Alice gently chided as she sat up in the bed before heading back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. "I only meant to say that I think it's appropriate that you would lean on Edward more, now, because the reality of it is you and me aren't always going to be attached at the hip. But you and Edward, maybe you are. With or without the ring, it seems to me you two are pretty serious about each other and that you're both in it for the long haul. He's the one that will carry you through, Bella. That's all I meant to say."

I lay back on the bed and thought about that as Alice tinkered in the bathroom for several more minutes. She was right…Edward was the one that would carry me through. I felt that to be true. But, _marriage_? I wasn't so sure about that. As far as I was concerned, marriage was just a social construct, anyway. Thank heavens Edward hadn't mentioned it yet. We had too much going on in our lives to think about something like that right now, anyway. We needed more time to figure out how to make _us_ work amidst the chaos of both of our lives before we even considered talking about marriage.

After a bit of time Alice emerged from her bathroom dressed sharply in a pair of dark blue jeans and a beautiful red blouse. I would have complimented her on her perfectly applied make-up and beautifully styled hair, but I was completely preoccupied with her weight…rather her stunning loss of it.

"Alice!" I gasped. I hadn't noticed it before because she had been wearing baggy sweats and an oversized t-shirt, but seeing her standing before me in perfectly fitted clothes it was obvious that she'd lost weight. And it seemed this was the case over the course of the past few weeks.

"What?" She cried, alarmed by my expression.

"You've lost a lot of weight!"

Alice huffed, obviously annoyed with my comment.

"God, first Jasper now you! I can't help that I've had the flu for like two months running! I'm just not all that hungry lately and I'm so busy with dance and fashion school, it's hard to eat three well balanced meals every day," she sighed.

I shook my head at her, silently chastising her for not taking better care of herself.

"Are you sure that's all this is?" I asked cautiously, knowing it was nearly impossible that she might be pregnant, but feeling like I should enquire nevertheless. Alice crossed her arms over her chest, staring at me pointedly.

"You know that's not possible, Bella. My cysts almost ensure that will never happen, not to mention the fact that I'm on birth control." I winced at the slightly bitter tone in her voice and felt badly that I'd brought the possibility up. It was a sore subject for Alice, and understandably so. The chances that she'd ever bear a child were slim.

"All right then, but still, being busy is no excuse to let your health fail. I can see that I need to come over and cook some more meals to put in your freezer for you. You're absolutely impossible!" I teased, trying to lighten the mood. Thankfully, it worked.

"Please do!" She begged. She smiled lightly at me then and our minor argument was all but forgotten as we gathered our purses and headed out the door for a day of retail therapy.

Alice and I enjoyed our day together immensely. We walked arm and arm through the city enjoying the sights and sounds of the season and chatting leisurely about nothing in particular. Over lunch Alice confided in me that she and Jasper had started to discuss the possibility of marriage once Jasper had graduated from school and I beamed at her, thrilled that my best friend had found such a wonderful person as Jasper with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life. There was a time, three months ago to be exact, when talk of Alice getting married would have had me panicking. I relied so heavily on Alice that if she and Jasper had elected to move away from me, I would not have fared well. Things were different now. I had Edward, and Alice was right, it was more realistic to assume that Edward would be the one to stay with me now and help guide me on my path to redemption. Still, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of remorse that the dynamics of my relationship with Alice were slowly changing. For so long, she had been the only one I could confide in. Aside from Edward, she literally meant everything to me.

Towards the end of the day I bid Alice farewell, hugging her to me fiercely and slipping a tiny package into her purse unbeknownst to her. It was a small token of my appreciation of her friendship - a golden placard bracelet engraved with the words _You are the Wind beneath my Wings_, because that she truly was.

I had one last stop before I headed home. Edward had texted me earlier to say he'd be home around eight and wanted me to prepare him a large pot of chili. I smiled at the request. I absolutely loved that he put in meal requests, and expected me to fulfill them. In so many ways we _were_ like an old married couple – a horny, old married couple, anyway.

Eleanor was standing behind the counter in a store chock-full of people when I stepped off the sidewalk and into her small shop, but she still took time to embrace me lovingly and to enquire about how things were with me. I chatted briefly with her, filling her in on my relationship with Edward and making a small request of her. I had a surprise of sorts planned for Edward for the evening before we left for Kelly's Island, and I needed Eleanor's help in orchestrating it. Not surprisingly, she exuberantly agreed to assist me with my plan. We sorted out the minor details and I left thirty minutes later feeling like next week would never come. I was so excited for Edward's surprise. I only hoped he would like it.

When I really thought about it, I was sure he would.

**End Notes:**

So…who wants to meet the Cullen's? Coming up next…Christmas with the Cullen's!

PLEASE take the time to review! I so enjoy hearing your thoughts!

**NEW STORY ALERT:** I've posted a new story entitled **The Preacher's Son**. I'm excited to start work on this story and hope you all will take the time to read the first chapter and let me know what you think! It's VERY different from **Chance Encounter**.


	27. Do Unto Others

**Author's Notes:**

Well…I know I promised Christmas with the Cullen's, but some of you have been requesting an EPOV so I decided to sneak one in before they left for Christmas. Besides, there were some issues that needed to be dealt with. Hope you don't mind!

Thanks so **skyeblue0610 **for acting as my beta!

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories

Warning: There is sexual content in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 27: Do Unto Others**

**EPOV**

I was in way over my head. Things were not going as planned and I was beginning to think that maybe this entire exercise was a huge mistake. I'd had the best of intentions when I started out, but now, everything had more or less turned to shit and I was literally starting to panic.

"Mother fu….."I bit my tongue to keep from cursing as little spits of fire hot butter sputtered out of the frying pan and onto my arm. At the same time I wrinkled my nose. Something was burning. I gasped, turning to the oven and flinging it open only to find my vat of cooking oil at a rolling boil. I coughed, waving away the smoke as I reached for a pot holder to grab the dish from the oven. As I lay the ruined oil on the counter top, I turned my attention back to the stove where I promptly panicked at the site of burning butter.

"You've got to be kidding me!" I all but yelled in frustration as I gingerly removed the fry pan from the burner.

Somehow, someway I'd managed to burn both oil and butter during the course of the last twenty minutes, and that wasn't even the half of it. I sighed, leaning my back up against the counter top and surveying the damage.

Bella's kitchen was literally destroyed. I'd never seen such a mess and I knew now there was a good reason why I NEVER cooked. But I'd wanted to surprise Bella with a romantic dinner for two this evening. I planned to wine and dine her and then make leisurely love to her for as long as we were both able to stay awake.

That was if I could manage to get dinner on the table.

I realized that I was becoming much too frustrated to properly focus on the tasks at hand so I pressed pause on the cooking show I'd recorded and grabbed a Corona from the fridge, popping the top and slumping down to the kitchen floor. I chuckled softly at the veritable garden of vegetables that surrounded me. Yeah…I hadn't had much luck in chopping vegetables, either. That shit was a lot harder than it looked. And good Christ, if I hadn't cried a river while chopping the damn onions. I sighed, leaning my head back against the cabinet and shutting my eyes briefly.

The last couple of weeks since Bella's concert had been long, and filled with a lot of heavy emotions. Most significantly, Bella had started seeing a therapist and had thrown herself headfirst into getting better. We'd spent many late nights in bed since then talking about what had happened in her past and how it influenced the person she was today and would become in the future. Some things were more difficult than others for Bella to discuss. For instance, she talked easily of the grief she felt at the absence of her mother and brother in her life, but when confronted with her feelings of guilt over not being able to save her mother, she almost always fell apart. In many ways, it seemed as if the guilt she harbored over her decision to remain by her mother's side superseded the pain she felt at losing her. And I knew there was nothing I could do or say to convince her that she hadn't made the wrong decision…that there wasn't any way she could have saved her mother. She would have to come to that realization on her own. I only hoped that through working with Olivia, in time, she would.

It was fortuitous that Bella started seeing Olivia when she did because one week after starting therapy, Bella and I were on the cover of People Magazine. Melinda had sent a copy to me by overnight mail the day before the issue was to be released and Bella and I had read the article together. For the most part, the article was non-inflammatory. It covered the basics of what Jessica Stanley had published in her article, but included more recent pictures of Bella and me at my premiere. Inevitably, the article referenced the accident and the death of Bella's mother and brother, but her stay at the treatment center had not been mentioned nor had any reference been made to Xavier. She was grateful for that, though concerned it was only a matter of time until somebody uncovered that information.

Though I'd been worried about potential fallout from the article, the public's response had been more or less favorable and the impact on Bella's life had thus far been minimal. People did tend to stare at her now when they recognized her in public, and there was the random photographer that appeared out of nowhere to snap her picture, but overall she hadn't been hassled much. Of course, unbeknownst to Bella I'd hired 24 hour security to watch over her apartment building and keep any paparazzi at bay. This had less to do with my fear of Bella being harmed by an emotionally unstable fan of mine (though this was always a possibility) and more to do with my desire for her not to be ambushed by the press at her own residence. I never wanted for her to feel unsafe in her own home.

The day after the magazine was released, I'd gone online to two of my most popular fan sites to gauge reaction to the article. Admittedly, I frequented these sites on a regular basis, if only to give myself insight into the mass hysteria that surrounded me. The first site I accessed that day was ExclusivelyEdward(dot)com. Of all the fan sites dedicated to me, I enjoyed this one the most. The fans on this site were mature and their discussions about my life could be surprisingly thoughtful and aware. They were also unarguably salacious at times, but whether I liked it or not, that went with the territory. After taking the time to scroll through several threads, it appeared as if the overall sentiment on that site was that Bella appeared to be a nice young woman, and that if she made me happy, that was all that mattered. This attitude pleased me tremendously.

Heading over to my other favorite site, EyesOnEdward(dot)net, I found the atmosphere differed slightly. What surprised me on this site was the opinion that regardless of whether or not I loved Bella, our relationship was unlikely to last because we were both so young _and_ I was Hollywood's hottest commodity right now. Why would I want to settle down with one woman when I could have as many of them as I wanted? That seemed to be the most commonly asked question.

The question I asked myself was _why wouldn't I want to settle down?_ The idea of dating within the Hollywood social circle repulsed me. I wanted no part of that scene. I only wanted to act, and to try and live as normal a life as possible. And yes…that included eventually marrying Bella…the woman that I loved. Getting married and starting a family seemed to be the most logical and likely of decisions for me to make, not gallivanting about town and bedding every girl that threw herself at me. I wasn't raised to be that type of man. Instead, I was raised by two very happily married and loving parents who wanted the same for me. I seriously had to restrain myself from logging onto that site under a false identity and arguing my case. It wouldn't matter if I did, anyway. People would believe what they wanted to believe, regardless of whether or not it was true. All I could do was to be true to myself and my desires.

Opening my eyes, I took another swig of my beer and decided that it would probably be best for me to try and wrestle some control over the mess I'd created in the kitchen. Bella would be coming home in a little while and I wanted to have dinner set out for her when she arrived. Standing, I moved to dispose of the burnt oil before pouring more into a clean casserole dish in my second attempt at making seasoned, oven-roasted potatoes. Meanwhile, I could see that the stuffed Cornish game hens would be ready to be removed from the oven shortly. I'd yet to start the sautéed vegetable medley, but the vegetables were already chopped and sitting in the wok atop the stove. All that was left for me to do was to split open the crawfish tail Ronald had purchased for me and to sauté the meat for our appetizer. This was where things were going decidedly wrong.

The Food Network program I was referencing made it appear a relatively easy task to remove the meat from the crawfish, but I was finding that to be less than true. I hit play on the remote, watching the video yet again to try and figure out what exactly I was doing wrong. I chuckled somewhat humorlessly to myself as the host of the show, who just happened to be named Jacob, laid the crawfish out in front of him.

_Jacob_. It was a name I just couldn't seem to drive from my thoughts since Bella and Jacob had reconciled their friendship. Watching Bella leave with Jacob the evening of our performance had been one of the most difficult things I'd ever had to do. In that moment, I'd felt more vulnerable and exposed than I ever had before. Still, Bella had asked me to trust her, and I realized that if I couldn't grant her that one request, that the likelihood that we'd survive our impending separation wasn't good. Each of us had to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we trusted each other.

Of course, this didn't necessarily make things any easier for me. I'd gone home that evening increasingly preoccupied by thoughts that I could lose Bella to Jacob, or any other man that could offer her a more normal type of relationship. And it wasn't that I didn't trust Bella or what she felt for me, because I knew that she loved me just as deeply as I loved her. Rather it was the toll my chosen profession routinely took on relationships that worried me the most. Long separations often left people feeling lonely and unsatisfied…resentful even that their partner couldn't be there for them when they were needed. And then there was the matter of living your life in the public eye. Having the most intimate details of your day to day existence documented and shared with the public was very difficult to accept. Sadly, as an actor these were just the facts of life I had to contend with. I had no other choice. But Bella did, and it terrified me that one day she might decide that it was all just too much for her – that the heartache and longing and media scrutiny were too overwhelming and that she wanted to be with someone else whose life was less complicated and more predictable and consistent than mine.

All those thoughts running through my head had manifested themselves into a very urgent need for me to claim Bella in some way that evening, to make certain she was mine so that she could never, ever leave. And when she'd walked through the door after having spent hours talking with Jacob, I'd done just that. I'd gone to her, taking her with wild abandon, driven by a deep, deep need to banish my fears and make her mine. I'd tried to be as gentle as possible with her, never wanting to hurt her in my passion, but it was difficult for me to restrain myself. After sitting alone in the dark for hours, contemplating what life might be like if she ever left, I was wound tight, fretful and on edge. Thankfully, she'd responded to me, seeming to know exactly what my needs were and relinquishing all control. She'd surrendered herself completely to me. She'd willingly given me her body and soul, and her voluntary subjugation had been my total and complete undoing.

Afterwards, I'd felt a little ashamed at the manner in which I'd taken her. I always wanted to worship her, to treat her with the reverence she so deserved, but my wanton need to claim her that night had superseded everything else. Fortunately, Bella had not been upset by my uncharacteristic display of possessiveness. She'd held me afterwards, recognizing that above all else I was feeling extremely vulnerable, and soothed me with her tender words and gentle touch. She reassured me that she could never want anyone else, no matter what, and that despite the undeniable fact that our three month separation would be difficult, that we would indeed survive. I felt better after talking things through with her and I reasoned that _maybe that's how we would survive_ our separation, by constantly doing whatever we had to in order to reassure each other of our love. And there was nothing wrong with that. We were only human, after all…hardly infallible. We all needed to be reassured at times.

I heard the lock in the door disengage and my head shot up from where I was unsuccessfully trying to cut open the crawfish shell with a pair of scissors. I immediately panicked, knowing that it could only be Bella returning home earlier than expected. I quickly surveyed the disaster that was Bella's kitchen, realizing that there was nothing I could do in the short amount of time available to me to minimize the mess. Instead, I wiped my hands on her apron and looked up just in time to see a very shocked Bella standing in the entrance to her apartment.

"Edward?" She cocked her head to the side, casting a curious glance in my direction. "What on earth are you doing here, baby? You said you wouldn't be home until after nine."

"I could say the same of you, love. I thought you had a gig this evening. You're home early." I tried to appear calm, cool and collected when I spoke when in reality I was nothing of the sort.

Bella tilted her head upward, inhaling softly.

"God, Edward. What's that smell?" Bella had removed her boots and jacket and was moving towards where I stood in the kitchen.

"You mean the burnt oil?" I asked sheepishly, and she shook her head no.

"No, I mean the rosemary and sage….good lord, Edward!" Bella gasped as she set foot in the kitchen. Her eyes quickly scanned the countertops and floors. They grew wide at the sight. "What on earth happened?" She exclaimed turning to me with an amused grin on her face. I hung my head, slightly embarrassed by my inability to prepare a simple meal.

"I wanted to surprise you by cooking dinner. You're so good to me, always preparing me elaborate meals and the only thing I'm good for is take out," I said. Bella stared at me, completely dumbfounded by my words.

"Edward, you don't cook," she gently teased and I shrugged, motioning to the television in the background. "I recorded a couple of programs off of the Food Network."

In an instant Bella was in my arms, kissing every square inch of my face. She reached up with her hands, winding her fingers into my hair and kissing me soundly on the lips before jumping up and wrapping her legs around my waist.

"Bella!" I gasped in-between her amorous kisses. "I'm covered in chicken guts!" It was true, I was. I'd had a hell of a time prepping and stuffing the damn hens.

"I don't care," she breathed as she tore her lips from mine. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" She all but squealed. Her enthusiasm was intoxicating and I smiled at her, quite pleased with myself that I'd been able to elicit such a passionate reaction.

"So I gather you're impressed?" I asked, somewhat smugly. Bella threw her arms around my neck and squeezed me hard.

"Impressed, yes…but more touched that you'd go to the effort to do something like this for me. You didn't have to, you know. I really don't mind cooking for us," she said as she released her legs from around my waist and slid down my front. My arms wound around her, grasping her in the small of her back and pulling her close.

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. I like taking care of you," I said honestly and she just shook her head, continuing to stare into my eyes as if I were some sort of rock star. She was completely bedazzled by me.

"I mentioned I love you, right?" She teased. "Because I seriously do."

I was about to respond to her declaration with a very sultry kiss when my nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Mother fu…" I bit my tongue for the second time that evening as the familiar odor of burning oil once again permeated the air. Rushing to the oven, I pulled it open and swiftly removed the dish, resting it on the stovetop. "Hell, that's the second time that's happened," I grumbled, shaking my head in disbelief that I'd let the oil burn twice. I sighed, briefly overcome with disappointment and defeat. I'd wanted so desperately to prepare a perfect meal for Bella and it was very quickly going to shit. Bella came to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Hey handsome," she crooned, standing on her tiptoes to kiss my lips. "Don't sweat it. I'm not sure what you planned to do with boiling oil, but whatever it is we can skip that part of the meal. The chicken smells delicious! And crawfish? Were you seriously going to prepare me crawfish?"

"I was, but I'm not having much luck with that, either," I sighed.

"Oh? Why is that?" She asked. She disentangled her arms from my waist and walked over to where the crawfish tail lay belly up in the center of the cutting board, a pair of scissors protruding from its gut.

"I can't get the damned meat out of the shell," I complained. "I've watched the demonstration over and over again and I can't manage it!"

Suddenly I realized how ridiculous this whole exercise really was and I couldn't help it, I chuckled softly to myself. Why had I ever thought I could prepare a gourmet meal for Bella? Hell, I could barely scramble an egg, and here I was attempting to prepare stuffed Cornish game hens and sautéed lobster? Bella turned to me and giggled, reaching up to trail her right hand down the side of my cheek.

"You make me laugh, Edward. Why on earth are you cutting the shell with scissors?" She wondered as she reached behind me to grab a butcher's knife off the counter. Bella walked to where the crawfish tail lay and in one perfectly executed movement expertly cracked its shell.

"Voilà!" She exclaimed triumphantly, turning to face me and flashing me a stunning smile. "That wasn't so hard now was it?"

I don't think Bella knew what hit her, and truthfully, neither did I. But in a moment's time she was a prisoner in my arms, moaning softly as I kissed hungrily down her neck.

"I love it when you take control," I breathed as I skimmed my nose along the gentle curve of her jaw. "I want you," I added softly, gently rolling my hips forward and pressing my arousal into her stomach. I continued my assault on her neck, alternately sucking and nipping at the supple flesh.

"Edward..." she called my name breathlessly as she arched her body against mine. "What about…what about…oh Jesus that feels so good…"

I groaned as I slipped my hand into her pants and felt that she was warm and wet and ready for me. She mewled as my thumb brushed against her tiny nub, the sound going straight to my straining dick.

"Baby…what about the hens? They'll burn!"

"Fuck the fowl," I growled as I took her mouth with mine. In that moment, I honestly could have cared less about anything other than Bella's beautiful body writhing against mine. I kissed Bella hard and she responded, kissing me back soundly, her body melting into mine. I moved to deepen the kiss after awhile, thrusting my tongue into the warm, succulent cavern of her mouth, and she moaned, reaching behind my head with both her hands and threading her fingers up into my hair. I groaned at the sensation. I fucking loved it when she pulled my hair. Pressing my body more firmly against hers, I slowly walked her backwards until her body came into contact with the counter. I wanted to take her then and there, against the counter, but she pulled back, panting softly.

"Baby," she murmured, doing her best to resist my advances. "You've worked so hard on this meal. I don't want for it to go to waste. Why don't you take the hens out of the oven and meet me in the shower, okay?"

I moved to protest, not giving a flying fuck about the hens anymore, but Bella shook her head. "Meet me in the shower," she repeated her request, tracing her forefinger along my bottom lip, swollen from kissing her so forcefully. "I'll make it worth your while," she added before reaching out to lightly brush her hand against the bulge in my jeans. My dick twitched at her touch and I nodded, completely helpless to do anything but stare at her as she turned and exited the kitchen.

In no time at all I removed the hens from the oven and covered them with tin foil to keep them warm. I stowed the crawfish tail in the fridge before ripping the apron over my head and flinging it carelessly onto the floor. I headed towards the bedroom then…towards the shower more specifically, swiftly dragging my shirt and jeans from my body before sliding open the shower door. It was hot and steamy inside and Bella had her back turned toward me, her right hand reaching over her shoulder to gently scrub her back.

"Allow me," I murmured, stepping behind her and leaning in to place a soft, open mouthed kiss to the hollow of her neck. I took the sponge from her hand and started where she left off, rubbing gentle circles into her beautiful, alabaster skin. She relaxed under my touch, her body slumping backwards against mine, trapping my now painful erection between the two of us. Slowly she turned, gazing up at me out of half-lidded, wanton eyes. She smiled lazily as she reached her hand out, her fingers winding lithely around my dick.

Her movements were tortuously slow and purposeful, gently stroking me as I ran the sponge across the breadth of her chest. Soap bubbles gathered above each breast before slowly sliding over her nipples and falling to the shower floor. I fell to my knees then, Bella whimpering slightly in protest as my dick slipped from her hand, but I didn't care. She was so beautiful standing before me in the shower, droplets of water cascading down her body, and I wanted to worship her and show her just how much I loved her. I leaned forward, placing a whisper soft, reverent kiss to her luxuriously smooth belly and she gasped, twining the fingers of both her hands into my hair and tugging softly.

"What is it you want me to do to you, love?" I asked as I peppered kisses about her abdomen. She shuddered as I snaked two fingers inside her warmth.

"God, Edward...you're not playing fair. I told you I'd make this worth _your_ while," she managed to say as she slowly succumbed to my practiced ministrations.

"Uh uh," I said, slowly shaking my head back and forth against her belly and sliding my tongue out to explore her navel. "This evening is about you. Tell me what it is you want," I said, doing my best to ignore my painfully throbbing dick that was screaming for attention. Tonight was about Bella. It wasn't about me.

"I want you to…" she gasped as my tongue traveled south and delicately laved her tiny little nub. Her fists clenched in my hair and I knew that she was close, but she pulled away. "I want you to make love to me, Edward," she breathed, staring down at me tenderly. Her right hand slid from behind my head to cup my face. Licking her lips, she dragged her thumb roughly across my bottom lip and I swear to Christ, I nearly exploded right then and there. Slowly, I stood, walking her backwards until her back lay flush against the shower wall. Reaching behind her, I gently lifted her so that her legs wrapped around my waist and in one smooth movement, I entered her.

It was as it always was every time we came together. Burying myself deep inside Bella was quite simply the greatest pleasure I'd ever known and tonight was no different. Overwhelming love and devotion coursed through me as I made love to Bella, and I closed my eyes, needing to memorize the feel of my body sheathed in hers as I slowly moved inside her.

"Oh God, Edward," she murmured as her hips moved in tiny circles against me. "It feels so good…you…you always make me feel so good," she murmured as she sloppily kissed up my neck. Her mouth found mine, kissing it softly as her hands wound round my neck.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered against her lips and she sighed in contentment, her eyes falling closed as soft, rhythmic spasms overtook her. I followed, not far behind.

After showering, we each dressed casually in jeans and t-shirts before heading back out to confront the disaster in the kitchen. Despite feeling completely blissed out from having made deliciously slow, gentle love to Bella, I was also anxious about dinner. Bella slid past me into the kitchen, laughing when she saw the apron lying in the middle of the floor.

"I can't believe you were wearing an apron, baby. You are seriously too adorable for words," she teased as she approached the hens on the stove. She peeked under the foil, inhaling deeply before turning her eyes towards me.

"Edward, these hens are gorgeous," she praised, and from her tone of voice it appeared as if she was being sincere. Perhaps all was not lost.

Bella and I worked together to prepare the rest of our dinner, deciding to forgo the oven roasted potatoes and just stick with the crawfish, vegetables, and hens. We fell into an easy routine in the kitchen, each of us working to get dinner on the table. When we were finally ready to sit down to eat, Bella turned to me – a sweet smile lighting up her entire face.

"That was nice, working together to prepare dinner. We ought to do that more often, _partner_," she said as she lightly kissed my lips.

"Mmm…I like the sound of that. I want to be your partner in everything, you know," I murmured honestly as I brushed the hair back from her face. Bella nodded knowingly, her gaze never leaving mine as she grabbed my hand and led me towards the table.

"So I met with Olivia again today."

Bella took me by surprise with her announcement as we each took our seats. I sat at the head of the table while Bella sat beside me.

"Oh?" I murmured as I reached out to squeeze her hand that rested on top of the table. "I didn't think your appointment was until tomorrow."

"I know, but she was able to see me early since tomorrow is going to be super busy for me." Bella winked at me, smiling broadly and obviously thrilled with herself that she'd been able to keep my surprise a secret. I had no idea what she had planned for me, only that it was necessary for me to stay away from the apartment all day. I smiled lazily at her, giving her hand a light squeeze before reaching for my silverware.

"So what did you and Olivia discuss?" I asked as I dipped a piece of crawfish in melted butter and brought it to my mouth.

"Actually, we discussed the possibility of doing the talk show."

I nodded, not surprised that this topic of conversation had come up. In light of the article in People, Bella and I had more seriously discussed our options regarding circumventing the paparazzi and telling the remainder of Bella's story ourselves. We'd talked with Melinda and together the three of us had decided that when Bella was ready, we would approach Diane Sawyer about doing an interview. Bella felt more comfortable with Diane, primarily because she felt Primetime garnered a more varied and mature audience than Oprah.

"So what did she think?" I asked, curious as to what her take on this issue was.

"She agreed in principal that it was a good idea but she thinks it would be better if we waited a few weeks before moving forward with the plan. She wants to be sure I'm emotionally prepared to answer questions about my past without breaking down."

"Sounds reasonable," I said, reaching out with my hand to take a sip of wine. "On the one hand I feel like the sooner we do this the better. If we own the story, it will be more difficult for the paparazzi to put their own twist on things. On the other hand, I agree with Olivia – I don't want for this to be any more difficult for you than necessary and if Olivia thinks you need more time then we should wait."

Bella nodded in agreement. "That's pretty much how I feel. It will be a big step for me…for Xavier and Charlie too, to go public with the truth of my mother's affair. And as much as there's a part of me that just wants to get it over with, there's another very real part of me that's petrified of what it will mean, and I'm just not sure I'm ready to deal with that quite yet. I don't feel near strong enough."

I reached out to squeeze Bella's arm.

"You're stronger than you think, love, but I understand. You've only just begun to sort through things. If time is what you need, then it's yours, okay? Whatever happens, we'll deal with it." I tried to be reassuring. I wanted her to know that I would stand by her side no matter what. Of course I felt it would be better for everyone involved…Bella especially, if the truth of Renee's affair was told, but that wasn't my decision to make. It could only be Bella's.

"Okay," she whispered, smiling weakly in my direction before turning back to her food.

A little while later Bella and I had finished our dinner and we'd retired to the couch, each of us with a glass of wine in hand.

"This is nice," she said as she snuggled against my chest.

"Mmm hmm," I murmured, turning my head to kiss the top of hers. I lived for these quiet moments, when it was just Bella and me alone together. My entire day, every day, was spent thinking of her, wishing for filming to wrap so I could go home to her. This entire film experience had been so different from all the others. For the first time I hadn't felt isolated and alone. And the thought of going home at the end of the day didn't depress me like it had in the past because home wasn't a hotel, it was Bella's apartment, and she was waiting there for me, every night, to love me, listen to me….just be with me. Now more than ever I realized just how difficult it was going to be for me to leave her in January. Just the thought of it literally ripped my heart out.

"So Olivia's given me an interesting homework assignment for over the holidays," Bella said, breaking me from my reverie.

"What's that, love?" I asked, squeezing her closer to me. Bella paused for a moment before continuing.

"She's suggested you take pictures of me," she said, turning her head on my chest to look up at my face.

"Oh? What kind of pictures?" I asked suggestively as I pulled my arm from around her shoulder and rested in on her thigh. I wagged my eyebrows at her and gave her thigh a gentle squeeze. Bella laughed, promptly swatting my hand away.

"Not those types of pictures," she said, shaking her head at me. I pouted dejectedly before bending to place a single kiss to her lips.

"Sorry, love, couldn't help it. Now tell me, what type of pictures does she want me to take?" I asked, honestly curious about this mysterious assignment. Bella ducked her head then, sitting forward on the couch and placing her wine glass on the coffee table.

"I feel sort of silly talking about it," she said in an unexpected display of vulnerability.

"Don't," I said, reaching out to stroke her hair. She sighed heavily before turning to face me on the couch.

"We talked about my aversion to camera flashes today," she started shyly and I immediately understood why she'd asked Bella to have me take pictures of her.

"What did she say?"

Bella shrugged.

"She says I need to practice becoming desensitized to them and the only way to do that is through repeated, consistent exposure. We practiced in her office for a bit," she said and I immediately felt bad. I knew how stressful cameras were for Bella and the thought of having to repeatedly expose her to them over the Christmas holiday was less than appealing to me. But then again, both she and I knew it was important that she overcome her aversion to flashes and the sooner that happened, the better.

"Well, I'm game as long as you are. How was it for you in her office? Was it manageable?"

I breathed a sigh of relief when she told me that it was.

"Actually, Olivia helped me to come up with an alternative way of looking at what happened. Camera flashes have always triggered deep feelings of loss in me. They're a constant reminder that I survived, but my mother and brother didn't. But Olivia asked me today if we might find a way of turning the negative association into a positive one. She asked me if when I was exposed to a camera flash, I could focus on the miracle of my survival rather than the pain of my loss. She also asked me to picture what I was thankful for in my life today that I wouldn't otherwise have had if I hadn't of survived. That was an easy one…I thought of you."

I swallowed hard, deeply touched by her words. I reached out to gently cup her face in my hands before softly touching my lips to hers.

"I'd think of you too, love. I'd think of you too."

Bella and I sat on the couch until well past midnight, talking and laughing quietly with one another. After discussing her appointment with Olivia, the conversation grew light and easy, each of us luxuriating in the simple joy of having the other near. Soon though, we were both yawning and I knew it was time we get to bed.

"Come love," I beckoned to her with my hand as I stood from the couch. She took it, smiling lazily at me as she rose to her feet. We walked together hand in hand to the kitchen to put our wine glasses in the sink. Unfortunately, the complete and total destruction that met us killed our blissful buzz.

"Good lord, Edward. You really did make a mess," Bella laughed as she turned the water on in the sink.

"What are you doing?" I asked, knowing full well she was about to start washing dishes. I knew Bella, and there was no way she would ever go to bed leaving the kitchen in a state of total disarray. Still, a man could hope.

"I'm washing the dishes, of course. You know I can't go to bed knowing there are dirty dishes in the sink," she said. I groaned, wishing I hadn't been right.

"Can't we just throw them away? I'll buy you new ones!" I said, and in that moment, I was completely serious. I would purchase an entire Bed Bath and Beyond for Bella if she would relent and agree to wait till morning to do the dishes.

"Edward!" She gently chided. When she turned to face me and saw the expression on my face she gasped. "Oh my God…you're serious?"

"Yes?" I answered her weakly, pulling out all the stops and casting a shy, sheepish glance in her direction. She smiled at me, shaking her head while snapping my thigh with the dishcloth.

"Come on, if we work together it should only take us an hour or so," she teased. I moved behind her then, snaking my arms around her waist, hoping I might be able to offer her a more enticing alternative to washing dishes.

"Love," I whispered in her ear, my voice sultry and smooth. "How about we leave them for the morning?" I bent to place a single, soft kiss to her neck. "Please?" She responded instantly to my touch, relaxing against me and pushing back against my growing arousal.

"Edward Cullen, are you trying to seduce me?" She teased. She turned in my arms and arched a single brow.

"Absolutely," I affirmed, capturing her bottom lip in mine. I sucked softly, teasing the succulent pink flesh.

"Okay," she whispered softly, and I backed away in surprise.

"Really?" I asked, not quite believing her words to be true.

"Yes," she nodded.

And just like that she took my hand in hers, leading us out of the kitchen and into the bedroom where I made sweet love to her for the second time that night.

The next evening I waited impatiently for Bella to pick me up. Filming had officially wrapped with only a few scenes left to shoot after the holidays. There was a wrap party later on this evening that Bella and I would attend, but first Bella intended to whisk me off to some unknown location to do…well I didn't know what she intended for us to do. I had hopes it might include the two of us naked, but seeing as that she had reminded me to wear a warm coat before I left this morning, I rather doubted that was likely.

I smiled as I stretched out on my couch in my makeshift trailer and considered the fact that up until a few weeks ago, Bella and I had barely set two feet outside of her apartment. Now, we'd had several very low key lunch dates, an enjoyable dinner out with Jasper and Alice and even a quick foray into FAO Schwarz earlier in the week. While there had been a few paparazzi at both the dinner and FAO Schwarz, all in all our excursions passed uneventfully which seemed to fuel Bella's confidence. Both of us had agreed that for the time being, we'd continue just as we were…taking baby steps rather than giant leaps as we figured out how to navigate our relationship in public.

"Edward?" I heard Bella's soft, sweet voice call to me from behind the door. I instantly sat up, grabbing my jacket before all but sprinting to the door. I was admittedly excited about my surprise and was anxious to get to wherever it was that we were going.

"Hey, baby," I greeted her as I opened the door. I pulled her into my arms and placed a soft kiss to her lips.

"Hey yourself, handsome. Are you ready for your surprise?" Her eyes twinkled with excitement as she grabbed my hand and led me out the back door and into the alley. She'd parked her car there, away from prying eyes.

"What's that smell?" I asked as I slid into the front passenger seat. I recognized the scent, but couldn't quite place it. I knew it reminded me of Christmas somehow, but I couldn't be certain as to why. Bella flashed me a nervous smile as she pulled out into traffic.

"Don't think too hard, Cullen," she admonished me gently, reaching over to lightly punch me on my arm. "You wouldn't want to ruin your own surprise, would you?"

"Of course not," I said, reaching up to grab her hand in mine and folding them both together in my lap. And it was the truth. I actually loved to be surprised. I was most definitely not the child that went looking for his gifts before Christmas. That was Emmett. No. As far as I was concerned, there was too much predictability in life and a good surprise was always to be treasured.

Bella drove for about fifteen minutes before pulling off into yet another alley where she deftly parallel parked her car between two others. Her excitement was growing, as was mine, and as she grabbed my hand and led me along the narrow walk my heart swelled with love for her. Never in a million years could I ever have imagined falling so deeply in love with someone and in such a short span of time. But I had, and I was humbled by it…and grateful for it because without Bella, I realized I'd probably be shut up in my hotel right now, nursing a whisky and wondering when, if ever, I'd have a life of my own again. She'd given so much to me in three short months, not the least of which was her beautiful soul.

Bella slowed as we approached a small book shop, stopping short out front. The store was obviously closed, but Bella didn't seem concerned as she reached into the pocket of her jacket and withdrew a key.

"Bella? Did you buy a bookshop?" I asked, only half joking because I honestly could not fathom why she had a key to a bookshop. She chuckled softly to herself while working to open the door.

"Come on. Let's get you inside before somebody recognizes you and our cover is blown," she teased.

Once inside the shop I could see that it was exactly the type of bookshop I could lose myself in. I vaguely remembered Bella mentioning a favorite bookshop she frequented then remembered her telling me about its eccentric owner, Eleanor.

"Bella? Is this Eleanor's shop?" I asked. Bella hadn't bothered turning on any lights and was instead leading me up a steep flight of stairs. She didn't answer me, only turned to grin at me over her shoulder before continuing with our ascent. When we reached the top of the stairs, Bella knocked once on a large wooden door and when it opened, I knew immediately that the woman standing before us could only be Eleanor.

"Bella!" Despite her fragile appearance, Eleanor pulled Bella into a warm hug. I stepped in and to the side, shutting the door behind me.

"And you must be Edward," Eleanor said as she released Bella and turned her attention on me. Bella attempted to make a formal introduction but Eleanor just waved her off. "Bella's told me all about you young man. She's madly in love with you, you know," she teased before pulling me into a hug, too. I gasped at the unexpected strength of it, but though I wanted to hug her back with similar gusto I was scared shitless to do so, fearing that I might in fact crush her if I did.

After what seemed like forever Eleanor released me and I found myself wondering what exactly we were doing there. Not that I minded meeting Eleanor. She was obviously somebody important in Bella's life and for that reason alone, I had an overwhelming urge to get to know her better. But I found it hard to believe that meeting Eleanor was my surprise. My suspicions were confirmed when Bella gleefully grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the other end of Eleanor's top floor apartment.

"Come with me," she murmured as she slid open a glass door that led out onto small balcony overlooking the street below. Stepping outside, I gasped.

"Bella, what's all this?" I half asked, half laughed as I took in the scene before me. The patio had been decorated with brightly colored Christmas lights. In front of us stood a small, circular shaped café table with a red and green checkered tablecloth and two comfortable chairs. Atop the table sat a plate of cookies…gingerbread cookies to be precise, and I realized that was what I had smelled in Bella's car.

"Did you…did you bake these?" I asked, incredulous. Bella nodded shyly, taking her lower lip into her mouth and chewing on it softly. It was distracting to say the least, but any indecent thoughts I may have had were immediately put to rest when Eleanor hobbled through the open door with two steaming cups of hot cocoa. She placed the cocoas on the table before patting Bella on the shoulder.

"Have fun, kids," she said before sliding the door shut behind her.

Down below on the street there was a flurry of activity. Even though Eleanor's shop was closed, most others weren't. Christmas was only three days away and most vendors were keeping their businesses open late in hopes of attracting last minute holiday shoppers. People hurried to and fro, chattering excitedly amongst themselves. Just then, I noticed a group of four musicians, a brass quartet it appeared, setting up shop on a nearby corner. People were already starting to gather around in anxious anticipation of an impromptu holiday concert. And in that moment it hit me. I understood exactly what Bella had done for me and I turned to stare at her, entirely amazed.

"You remembered," I murmured as I stepped closer to her. I couldn't believe it. The entire scene before us was my dream from so long ago…

"I did," she admitted, winding her arms around my waist. "I wanted to give you something special, something that would make you infinitely happy and that no other person would think to give you. So tonight I give you anonymity, or as close an approximation as possible. I give you the ability to enjoy the sights and sounds of the season without being hassled for photos or an autograph," she said. She stared adoringly up at me then and it was all I could do not to pull a Tom Cruise and jump on the table and declare my everlasting love for her. Instead, I pulled her in for a kiss before taking her hand in mine and sitting down at the table.

"Thank you, love. It's perfect. Simply perfect," I murmured as the quartet began to play. I sighed contentedly, looking forward to our evening together and even more so to Bella finally meeting my family tomorrow.

**ENDNOTES:**

Thank you for reading! PLEASE take the time to review! I miss hearing from some of you!

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and review the first chapter of my new story **The Preacher's Son**. I hope to have chapter two up soon.


	28. Christmas with the Cullen's Part 1

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story! I appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think. I apologize for taking so long to get this update out, but real life has not been so kind to either my beta or myself!

Thanks to my awesome beta **Skyeblue0610** for her kick-ass beta skills!

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

Okay, so thanks to my new friend **RCD-Alice**, I am on Twitter now. She very graciously walked me through the process and I am grateful to her for her assistance. The only problem is, I'm lonely. I need some people to follow, and I need some people to follow me. So if you're interested, you can follow me MisGatosLocos, and I would love to follow you, too! Just let me know where to find you, lol!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 28: Christmas with the Cullen's - Part 1**

**BPOV**

I stared out the window of the Citation at the runway below us as the aircraft slowly descended to the ground. This was it. The time was finally upon us. Edward and I were about to land on Kelly's Island in the state of Ohio and we were going to spend Christmas with his family.

I felt Edward nudge my inner thigh with his knee. He sat directly across from me, his left leg resting comfortably between my own.

"Penny for your thoughts," he murmured softly. I looked up at him, into his beautifully soft and serene eyes, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Sorry," I said, reaching out to squeeze his knee with my hand. "I kind of got lost in thought there for a moment." Edward furrowed his brows, moving his hand to cover mine.

"Is everything all right?" He asked warily. He was staring at me intently, and I could see that he was concerned.

"Of course it is, baby," I assured him. I began to rub tiny circles on the inside of his knee and he visibly relaxed, smiling lazily at me and squeezing my hand in return. "I'm just a little bit nervous, is all."

"Nervous?" Edward seemed genuinely surprised. "Whatever for, love?"

I felt the plane touch down on the runway and I cast a glance out the window at the snow-covered fields that flanked the tiny strip of concrete.

"Wow…there's so much snow," I observed quietly. "It's so pristine…it's beautiful, Edward."

"It is," he agreed, reaching across to touch my cheek with the fingers of his right hand. "But you still haven't told me why you're nervous," he gently chided. I sighed.

How could I explain to Edward why I was feeling nervous when I wasn't even sure myself?

"Does the thought of meeting my family make you uncomfortable?" He wondered and I immediately shook my head.

"No, no. Not at all. Quite the opposite, actually. I'm really looking forward to it. I guess I'm just not certain how it's going to be for me, spending Christmas with your mother and your brother…" I looked away, ashamed. I wanted so badly for this Christmas to be perfect. It was our first Christmas together and I wanted it to be one we remembered fondly. But I couldn't pretend that spending Christmas with Esme and Emmett wasn't going to be difficult for me. Already, I was acutely aware of the absence of my own mother and brother.

"Hey." Edward unbuckled his seatbelt as the plane taxied down the runway and slid into my seat next to me. He pulled me onto his lap, resting his chin atop my head, and began soothing his hand down the length of my hair.

"I understand, Bella. And I think you'll find that my family does, too. They know about the accident, and they also know that this is your first Christmas away from Charlie. So they'll understand if you're a little moody or you need to slip away for a bit, okay? And remember, I'll be there with you. Any time you're feeling overwhelmed, just say the word and we'll retreat to our room for a bit." I nodded gratefully against Edward's chest. His words comforted me and helped ease some of my anxiety.

Edward continued speaking. "Can I ask something of you, though? Can I ask that you try not to let the sad outweigh the happy? I know it will be a challenge, but…"

I reached up and trailed my hand down Edward's cheek, tenderly cupping the side of his face in my right hand.

"It won't be a challenge, baby. I love you and I'm so happy to be spending Christmas with you and your family. Okay? Don't doubt that. It's just…it's a lot for me to process. Meeting your family…especially your father…"

Edward held me close to him.

"I know," he murmured against my hair. "I think it's going to be emotional for all of us."

Twenty minutes later Edward and I sat huddled together in the back seat of an old pick-up truck driven by a man named Sam, who just happened to be a long time family friend as well as the sole air traffic controller at the airport. Seeing as that we were the only flight due in that day, Sam had graciously offered to drive us to the Cullen's cottage so that Carlisle or Emmett would not have to venture out into the cold. And cold it most definitely was, piercingly so. I snuggled closer to Edward and he wrapped his arm more tightly around my shoulders, bending down to place a soft kiss to the top of my head.

"So tell me, Sam, how many residents are on island for Christmas this year?" Edward queried from the back. It was snowing heavily, so it was hard to tell much of anything about the island as we drove slowly through what appeared to be the main part of town. But it was readily apparent that the island was sparsely populated.

"Oh, I venture a guess about two hundred or so, maybe a little less. It seems many folks headed to the mainland this Christmas," Sam called over his shoulder.

_Two hundred people?_ That was hard for me to believe. Coming from a city of over 8 million to a village of less than two hundred was a little bit disorienting for me. But I knew for Edward it was a relief. Edward had all but grown up here, spending his summers and Christmases tucked safely away on this tiny speck of land in the middle of Lake Erie. He'd said before that this was his safe haven, a place where everybody had known him long before he was famous and where he didn't have to contend with screaming fans or paparazzi.

We turned up a small street lined with snow capped juniper trees and I smiled at the quaint cottages tucked back in the woods. Some lay quiet and still, asleep for the winter until summer's start. Others stood proud and tall, handsomely displaying their twinkling lights while ghostly plumes of smoke billowed softly from their chimneys. We pulled around a bend then and onto a short drive that led to an old Victorian style cottage situated right on the lake.

"We're here, love," Edward bent to whisper in my year, a hint of irrepressible excitement to his voice.

"So I gathered," I teased, gently poking his side before looking up into eyes so brilliant and alive I couldn't help but be excited, too.

"I'll bring your bags inside for you. You kids just get yourselves indoors before the two of you catch cold," Sam said as Edward stepped from the car. He extended his hand to me, pulling me snugly against his side before thanking Sam and walking the two of us forward.

"Th…th…this seems much colder than New York," I managed to say through chattering teeth as the wind howled all around us.

"It's because we're right on the lake," Edward explained as he pulled me closer to his side.

Trudging slowly through the snow, we finally made it to the front door. I stood nervously by as Edward reached out to depress the handle, but before his hand even made contact the door flung wide open and there, standing before us, was quite possibly the largest, most well sculpted and muscular man I'd ever seen.

"Hey everybody, they're here!" The man whom I could only assume was Emmett excitedly called out before grabbing Edward and pulling him into a strong embrace. I heard Edward gasp as his lean form smacked solidly against Emmett's and I couldn't help the tiny giggle that escaped my throat. Emmett heard, and he raised a brow at me from over Edward's shoulder, his eyes positively twinkling with delight. He quickly released Edward, turning his attention to me.

"And you could be none other than _the_ Bella," Emmett beamed as he extended his hand forward. His smile was so genuine and bright that I couldn't help but smile at him in return. I held out my hand to him fully expecting to shake his, but instead he grabbed mine and pulled me straight into his arms. "It's so nice to finally meet the girl that's managed to whip my little brother's ass," Emmett said as he clutched me tightly to his chest.

"It's nice to meet you too," I squeaked before audibly gasping for air. It was Edward's turn to chuckle.

"Now now, Emmett, you're going to crush the poor thing. Bring her inside and put her down please so we can all have a chance to meet her," A soft voice called from the foyer.

"Mom!" Edward's eyes lit up as they fell upon his mother waiting patiently for us to enter the cottage. Emmett reluctantly set me down and Edward grabbed my hand as we walked through the door together. Within moments Esme had drawn her youngest son into a warm embrace, but Edward quickly pulled away.

"Mom, I'd like for you to meet Bella," he said, and the manner in which he said my name, spoken with such reverence and pride, made my heart thrum wildly in my chest. "Bella, this is my mother, Esme."

"May I?" Esme asked as she walked towards me with outstretched arms, clearly desiring to embrace me. I nodded shyly, moving quietly, effortlessly into her arms.

"Oh, Bella," she cooed, pulling me close and smoothing her hand through my hair as if she'd done it a thousand times before. I found myself melting into her, relishing in the feeling of a mother's protective arms for the first time in a very long time. "It's so good to have you home."

And with those simple words, I fell apart. She hadn't said to me 'it's nice to finally meet you' or 'welcome to our home'…she'd said to me _it's good to have you home_, as if this already _was_ my home, as if I already _was_ a member of her family. I squeezed her tightly to me, burying my face in her hair that hung loosely about her shoulders.

"It's good to be home," I whispered, willing back the tears, but it wasn't necessary. Esme was already crying and so was Edward.

I was so caught up in the profound and unexpected intimacy of the moment, of finally meeting and being so willingly accepted by Edward's family, that I didn't notice the tall figure standing quietly by, watching the scene before him. A deafening hush fell across the room as Esme gently pulled away from me and I was suddenly left standing in the center of the foyer, staring straight into the eyes of the man that had once saved my life.

I was at once transfixed, completely unable to move, a bevy of emotions assaulting me all at once. I was _alive_ because of this person…Carlisle Cullen, the father of the man I so desperately loved. _There is no such thing as coincidences_…Edward's words from not so long ago filtered back to me, and I was immediately overcome by the significance of the moment. I felt my breath hitch in my throat and tears collect in my eyes as I slowly walked towards him.

"Bella," he breathed, staring at me in wide-eyed wonder, his expression welcoming and warm.

"Thank you," I cried as I closed the short distance between the two of us and flung myself into his arms. My words were woefully inadequate, I knew, but I didn't know any other means by which to express my deep-felt gratitude. Carlisle held me close, comforting me as I wept against his chest. I was faintly aware that others were crying too, no doubt as overwhelmed by the moment as I was, but all I could think about was how truly grateful I was that Carlisle had saved my life. Never since the accident had I ever been so grateful to be alive as I was in that moment.

Presently, I pulled back, feeling more than a little bit self-conscious. All eyes were on me and I felt my face flush in embarrassment at my overt display of emotion. Thankfully Emmett interjected, breaking the awkward silence by clearing his throat.

"Bella, I'd like for you to meet Rosalie and Genevieve," he said as he pulled his gorgeous wife and daughter to his side. Rosalie offered me a smile and Genevieve cooed, and the atmosphere surrounding us immediately relaxed, each of us laughing as we dabbed at our eyes to dry our tears. Edward appeared by my side then, pulling me close and kissing the top of my head as he gazed down at his baby niece. With all the introductions being made, Edward had not yet had a chance to meet her.

"She's perfect, absolutely perfect," Edward murmured while reaching out to stroke her adorably plump cheek. She turned toward his touch, emitting an unidentifiable gurgling sound which seemed to indicate that she liked him touching her.

"Would you like to hold her?" Rosalie asked.

Edward hesitated, surprising me. He'd been so anxious to meet Genevieve. But I could understand his apprehension. She was so tiny. It was almost more satisfying to admire her nestled snug in her mother's arms than it was to try and hold her.

"I would, although I'm not sure I know how to," Edward answered somewhat nervously. Emmett chuckled softly by Rosalie's side.

"Baby bro, it's not that hard," he teased, scooping up Genevieve's tiny form with unexpected grace and gently placing her in the crook of Edward's left arm. And though it was awkward at first, Edward quickly adjusted her so that she was huddled tightly against his chest, her wide blue eyes staring up into his green. He smiled broadly, completely awed by his tiny niece. And for the very first time in my life I felt an unfamiliar tug at my heart. Seeing Edward, so tender and loving with Genevieve, I couldn't help but wonder how he'd be with a child of his own…of _our_ own.

Several hours later, we had all eaten a hearty lunch and were sitting in the family room, each of us engaged in a different activity. Rosalie was tucked snugly into an oversized lazy boy chair nursing Genevieve while Emmett and Edward squared off in a rather intense game of chess. Carlisle sat on the couch reading the local newspaper while Esme flipped through her recipe file, pulling out several ones for Christmas cookies. For my part, I sat on the floor in front of the fireplace, just enjoying the feeling of being together with family at Christmas time. It had been so long…

"Well, that ought to do it. I'll bake date pinwheels, gingerbread cookies and snowballs for Christmas Eve, if that sounds all right with everybody," Esme said as she stood from where she sat beside Carlisle on the couch. Nobody but Emmett bothered to respond.

"What, no sugar cookies this year?" He asked dejectedly. Edward reached across and swatted Emmett on his shoulder.

"Go easy on mom, big bro. She doesn't have time to cater to our every request. She's entertaining a house full of guests this year," he teased, before turning to wink at me.

"Don't worry dear, if you'd like me to bake a batch of sugar cookies for you, I will." Esme smiled indulgently at Emmett as she headed in the direction of the kitchen.

"I could help," I offered. "If it's okay…I love to bake."

It didn't look as if Edward and Emmett's game of chess would be ending any time soon, and even when it did, I was sure there would be a rematch. Besides, I figured baking cookies with Esme would be a good way for the two of us to spend some time together. I was eager to get to know her better. Edward beamed at me from across the room.

"I think that's a wonderful idea, love," he said just as Esme walked to my side.

"Of course it is," she murmured as she wrapped her right arm around my shoulders and gave me a light squeeze.

I turned to Rosalie, not wanting to leave her out.

"Rosalie, did you want to join us?" I asked tentatively. For whatever reason, Rosalie seemed somewhat standoffish. I was trying not to take it too personally, but she hadn't said much of anything to me since I'd arrived that morning. Rosalie chuckled softly.

"No thanks, Bella. I prefer to spend my time under a car and not over a stove."

_What? _That didn't make any sense to me at all.

"Oh," I said, feeling somewhat excluded as the entire family laughed at Rosalie's joke. I didn't understand what was so funny. Thankfully Emmett came to my rescue.

"I guess Edward didn't tell you that Rose is a mechanic," he said, smiling proudly in his wife's direction.

"A…mechanic?" I shook my head. "As in, she fixes cars?"

Okay. _Really_. Of course I knew what a mechanic was, but I was just so stunned to find that Rosalie…this mind bogglingly beautiful woman…was in fact a mechanic.

"Yes love, Rosalie owns her own shop, believe it or not," Edward said while trying hard not to laugh at my shocked expression.

"Suffice to say I'm much better with a wrench than I am with a mixer, Bella," Rosalie quipped. "But thank you for asking me to join you. That was very thoughtful of you."

"Of course," I replied somewhat distractedly as Esme guided us both towards the kitchen. I was still trying to reconcile this angelic mother with child, with a down and dirty mechanic. Apparently the others were entertained by my astonishment, because I heard them chuckling softly as I disappeared from the room into the kitchen.

"Do you normally bake cookies at Christmas?" Esme asked once we were both inside the kitchen. She had opened one of the old oak cupboards and was removing an assortment of spices as she spoke.

"My mother and I used to, but to be perfectly honest it isn't something I've had the inclination to do since she passed away. My father isn't much into sweets, so I normally don't bother. I did bake some gingerbread cookies for Edward yesterday, but that was the first time in a long time that I'd actually baked Christmas cookies," I said as I took a seat at the large round table situated at the back of the kitchen.

"Edward told me," Esme said, looking over her shoulder at me and smiling warmly. "He also said they were much better than mine, so maybe you'd like to make the gingerbread dough?" My face flushed red in embarrassment at Edward's words, but Esme only laughed. Clearly she wasn't offended.

"Don't worry, dear. I've no problem handing over the gingerbread baking duties to another member of the family. I have plenty to do, what with accommodating Emmett's request for sugar cookies and baking the pinwheels and snowballs. I'm relieved you offered to help!"

I smiled shyly at Esme. It didn't escape my notice that she'd just referred to me as a member of the family. The thought warmed me through.

Esme and I spent the next several hours sequestered in the kitchen. I wasn't sure whether or not it was on purpose, but nobody bothered us the entire time we were in there, which gave Esme and I a chance to get to know one another better. And if I'd felt immediately at ease when I first walked through the door earlier in the day, I now felt a genuine camaraderie with her. Over the course of only a few hours I felt as if we'd truly become friends. She was an easy person to be around; she was thoughtful and funny and had an endless amount of engaging tales to share, particularly of Edward's childhood. Many of them had me practically rolling on the floor with laughter. I could see that both Edward and Emmett had kept Esme on her toes.

While the last batch of cookies was baking in the oven, Esme came to sit with me at the table.

"Do you care for cream or sugar?" She asked as she placed both on the table beside our two cups of tea.

"Neither, thank you," I replied as I brought the steaming mug to my lips. I breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet smell of the chamomile before taking a small sip.

"This has been fun, Bella," Esme said as she reached across the table and laid her hand atop mine. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm so happy you're here with us this Christmas."

Esme's hand on mine felt warm and soft and her words warmed my heart. They were entirely sincere.

"Thank you. I've been looking forward to meeting everybody. You're obviously all very important to Edward and he's…he's everything to me," I said shyly, feeling suddenly self-conscious. Esme squeezed my hand again.

"_You're_ everything to Edward, Bella," she added, smiling warmly at me. "Maybe I've no place to say this, but I've never seen my son happier than he is with you. These last few years have been very difficult for Edward. He's a very thoughtful, sensitive soul and the types of people he's met in Hollywood are generally anything but. He's felt lost and alone for a long time, but that changed when he met you. _He_ changed. He's happier and more relaxed than I've seen him in years, and I attribute that solely to you."

I swallowed hard, overcome by emotion at Esme's heartfelt words.

"For as much as you say I've changed Edward, the truth of the matter is he has _saved_ me," I whispered fervently. "I've lived a very long and lonely nine years since my mother and brother passed away, Esme, doing everything I possibly could to keep anyone that tried to get close to me at bay. I meant to protect myself…to shut myself off from ever loving again, until I met Edward. And in three short months, he's broken down every last barrier I worked so hard to build and flipped my world upside down so that now instead of avoiding love, I'm swimming in it."

I looked her soundly in the eye before continuing. "It's _Edward_ who has changed me, Esme."

Esme nodded knowingly. "It's a powerful thing…love, that is. It has the ability to transform even the most guarded of hearts."

"It does," I agreed, reaching up to wipe at an errant tear that slid down my cheek. Soon the single tear became two and within a matter of moments, I was suddenly overcome by a torrent of emotions and the floodgates opened.

Both Esme and I knew my tears weren't shed for Edward.

"Bella," Esme called my name softly, reaching out to gently wipe the tears from my cheeks with the back of her hand. "I can only imagine how difficult the holidays must be for you and I want you to know that we all understand and we want to do whatever we can to make your stay here comfortable." And with that, Esme drew me close, enveloping me in a mother's love…a love that had been absent from my life for far too long.

"Thank you," I managed to say as I buried my head against her chest, losing myself in the long forgotten warmth of a mother's arms.

Esme held me tight for a long while, never making a move to let me go until my sobs had all but subsided. She pulled back from me then, reaching out to smooth my matted hair from my face before taking both of my hands in hers.

"Did Edward ever tell you about Ethan?" She asked quietly as I leaned back in my seat.

"Ethan?" I repeated the boy's name, her question taking me completely by surprise. "No," I answered her, shaking my head slowly. Esme smiled at me, a slight, sad smile which told of a precious memory rarely shared.

"Ethan was my third son, born two years after Edward. He was a beautiful baby…quiet and happy and favoring Edward in appearance."

I sat very still, completely stunned by Esme's words. Edward had never mentioned any other brother except Emmett.

Esme continued speaking.

"My precious son passed away of unknown causes when he was just six months old. The term they use today is SIDS," she said quietly, momentarily bowing her head, her deep sorrow in losing her son evident in her solemn expression. My heart lurched in my chest, saddened that, just like me, Esme knew what it felt like to bear the burden of unimaginable grief.

"I'm so sorry, Esme. I…I didn't know," I whispered quietly.

"Losing Ethan nearly killed me Bella," she said, bringing her head back up so that she was now looking me directly in the eye. "I…wanted to die. I didn't want to live my life after my beautiful baby boy had been taken from me. I completely fell apart and was unable to care for myself, let alone Emmett and Edward."

I nodded slowly in understanding. I knew precisely how she felt.

"For the longest time I was entirely unreachable, and a shadow of the woman I'd been before I lost my son. With each day that passed, I slipped further and further away until it wasn't uncommon for me to lay listless in bed for half the day, doing nothing more than question why my baby son had been stolen from me. It was at this lowest of points that Carlisle began to talk of separating. He said he couldn't continue with the way things were. He was grieving too, and he needed his wife and the mother of his two other children back. And so with my marriage on the brink of collapse and my sanity literally hanging by a thread, my grief counselor suggested that Carlisle and I attend a support group for parents who had lost children. She believed that it might be helpful to me to spend some time with others who had experienced a similar loss. I had my doubts as to whether or not this would be the case, but for the sake of my family, I decided to go. As it turns out, it was a turning point in my recovery."

"Carlisle and I went to our first support group four months after Ethan passed away. I'll never forget that night, sitting together in a small room surrounded by a circle of strangers, each of us sharing our stories of pain and loss. And while it was helpful to speak with people who had suffered a similar loss to my own, that wasn't what ultimately dragged me out of my stupor. It was an older man, in his fifties I believe, who was still actively mourning the loss of this five year old daughter twenty years later. This man had been totally incapacitated by his loss, to the point that he still struggled just to make it through each day. And it was a wakeup call for me, Bella. I realized that even though I had lost my precious Ethan, I still had a husband and two beautiful baby boys that needed me and that were worth living for. I realized that I didn't want to be like that man. I didn't want to be incapacitated by grief for the remainder of my days. I wanted to live, and love and be happy."

"That very night I went home, and for the first time since his passing, I went into Ethan's nursery. I spent all night there, rocking in his chair and praying to God that I find some solace. And you know what? The following morning, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I realized I would be doing Ethan an injustice by not living each day of my life to its fullest, and from that point forward I made an effort to live again. I'm not saying the road to recovery was easy, because it wasn't. I had good days and I had bad days, but eventually I was able to put what had happened into perspective and I made my peace with it. I know you're only just beginning to confront your past Bella. Edward's shared the details of what happened with me, and my heart aches for the pain you feel. But I want you to know that it is possible to heal and to move on. It is possible to live life without regret and without the oppressive feeling of loss hanging over your head. I know, because I've managed to do this, and I believe you can too."

I was at once overwhelmed by emotion, deeply moved by Esme's story and touched that she'd reached out to me. Esme _understood_ how I felt. She _understood_ how it felt to suffer a great loss. Yet she had chosen not to let her grief define her, and this had been her message to me. I would and could get past what happened if I was willing to do the same. And it happened without my even realizing it. I was out of my chair and in Esme's arms again in a matter of seconds, only this time each of us comforted the other as we each grieved over our respective losses.

"Bella!" I heard Edward cry my name from the entrance to the kitchen. He stood there, his face etched with worry, alarmed by the sight before him. "Is everything okay?"

Edward rushed to my side as Esme and I pulled away from each another, each of us smiling lightly and laughing as we wiped at our tears.

"I'm fine, baby," I said as Edward brought the pads of his thumbs to my cheeks to brush away my tears.

"What's going on?" He asked. He turned to Esme, staring at her in bewilderment. "Mom?" He questioned her softly, looking to her to provide him with an answer…any answer as to why both she and I were crying. Esme laughed a little, still wiping at her tears.

"We're fine, honey. Really. I don't know about Bella, but sometimes you just need a good cry. It cleanses the soul."

Esme looked to me to concur, and I nodded my head.

"It does…and it did. Thank you, Esme."

"Any time, honey. I hope you know that."

Edward continued to stand by, on guard against some unseen enemy. He was tense, and I felt badly about it, realizing how things must look. I turned to him and wound my arms around his waist, standing on my tip toes to gently kiss his lips in an effort to reassure him.

"Hey…I'm okay, really. Your mother and I were just talking." I hesitated a moment, glancing at Esme before turning my attention back to Edward. "She told me about Ethan," I said quietly.

Recognition dawned on Edward's face and slowly, he nodded his head in understanding.

"Oh."

"How come you never told me about him?" I asked. I wasn't in the least bit upset that Edward had never mentioned Ethan. Still, I was curious as to why. Edward just shrugged.

"It's not my story to tell, really. And besides, somehow I thought that Esme might like to be the one to tell you about him." Edward cast a sidelong glance in Esme's direction and she winked at him, as she brushed yet another tear from her cheek.

Edward turned his attention back to me then. "Bella, do you want to go upstairs with me for a little while? Remember what I said…"

I smiled at Edward, drying the last of my tears with my left hand while stroking his chest with my right one.

"No," I murmured, shaking my head. "I'm okay. I'm better than okay, actually."

And I meant every word I said.

A little while later, the cookies were baked and the kitchen was clean and Edward and I were lying together on an antiquated shag rug in front of the fireplace. I lay with my leg draped over his, my head resting squarely on his chest. He lay with his head propped up by a pillow, his right arm holding me close and his fingers running through my hair.

"This is nice," I murmured, running my hand up and down Edward's chest. I felt his lips brush across the side of my head before he placed a small kiss to my temple.

"It is. I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get you alone. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come to Kelly's Island for Christmas after all," Edward mused.

"What?" I lifted my head off of Edward's chest, propping myself up on my elbow at his side so that I could more clearly study his face. "Why do you say that?"

Edward rolled his eyes good-humoredly.

"I have to share you, of course, and I don't like to do that. Where you're concerned, I'm a very selfish man," he said, pulling me back down to him to capture my mouth with his. He kissed me hard, groaning as my tongue slid out to trace the contour of his lips. He moved to deepen the kiss, but I grudgingly pulled away.

"Easy, baby. If you're not careful I'll be forced to strip you naked and take you right here on this rug," I teased.

"Mmm…why on earth would I want to be careful when you make such delicious threats?" He murmured as he pulled my mouth back to his. He kissed me again, this time holding my face more forcefully to his own so that I could not pull away.

"Ed…Ed…Edward," I managed to mumble his name between kisses until finally he dragged his mouth from mine, kissing hungrily down my neck. "Ugh…you're killing me, baby. You know we can't do this here so would you please stop torturing me?"

Edward hesitated then, stopping his assault on my neck to look up into my eyes.

"Fine…let's head to bed then because if we spend any more time here it will be _me_ stripping you naked and taking you with abandon on this rug."

I shivered at his threat, extremely turned on and equally as frustrated that we would in fact have to remain celibate while staying with his parents.

"Edward, I can't be with you like _that_ while we're here," I said weakly and his eyes darkened.

"Not at all? Why not?" He growled softly before resuming his assault on my neck. To further weaken my defenses he hoisted me on top of him and ground his very firm erection against my belly.

"Edward, this is your parents' house!" I hissed.

Edward emitted an exasperated sigh, gently rolling me off of him and turning to face me on his side.

"Bella, need I remind you of what we did in your father's home? And we weren't even permitted to sleep in the same room." Edward reached out to trace the contour of my lips with a single forefinger and I groaned. His eyes were smoldering. There was no doubt he wanted me and _fuck_ if I didn't want him, too.

"Okay…" I relented. There was no point in trying to put up a fight. Who was I kidding, anyway? The thought of Edward and I abstaining from sex for even a single day…let alone five…was utterly absurd. "But you have to be quiet. You can't go screaming my name in the throes of your orgasm," I teased. And at the mention of the word orgasm, Edward was off of the floor and scooping me up into his arms.

"Mmm…that's true for you too, my love," he murmured into my ear before flashing me a devilish grin and leading me upstairs.

I wasn't sure if it was because I was sleeping in an unfamiliar bed or if it was my excitement at finally having met Edward's family, but whatever the reason, I tossed and turned in bed all night, unable to sleep for more than twenty minutes at a time. Eventually I gave up, sitting up in bed and sighing heavily as I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was 2 a.m. and I was wide awake.

I looked down at Edward sleeping peacefully beside me. He lay on his stomach, his arms stretched out on either side of his head and his face resting comfortably in the middle of an oversized pillow. I reached out to stroke my fingertips against the stubble on his face, giggling softly when his eyelids fluttered in response. I longed to touch Edward more intimately, to press my lips to his and feel his body cover mine, but I wouldn't wake him. He needed his rest. He'd worked so hard these past few months, often times subsisting on less than five hours of sleep a night. And I knew it would be selfish of me to wake him now just because I couldn't sleep. Leaning down, I gently kissed his forehead before I stole away from bed.

I walked downstairs, doing my best to be quiet so as not to wake anybody. I was surprised when at the bottom of the landing I heard the faint sound of someone crying, and I wondered if maybe the television had inadvertently been left on. I moved towards the family room with the intention of turning the T.V. off, only to find Rosalie, sitting in the lazy boy nursing baby Genevieve, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Rosalie?" I called her name quietly from the threshold, not wanting to startle her. She looked up in surprise, obviously not expecting to see anybody downstairs at two in the morning. She looked embarrassed to have been caught crying and quickly wiped at her tears, doing her best to smile at me.

"Bella, what on earth are you doing up?" I shrugged, walking into the room and over to the couch that sat across from the lazy boy.

"I couldn't sleep. Do you mind if I join you?" I wasn't sure Rosalie wanted company, so I asked before sitting down.

"No. It's fine. I could stand a little company. You never realize how lonely the middle of the night can be until you're forced to spend your nights awake," she mused, and I watched carefully as she brushed her fingertips underneath her right eye, wiping at the dampness there.

"Rosalie, is everything okay?" I questioned her cautiously. Rosalie had hardly said anything to me yesterday, and I didn't want to intrude, but she was obviously upset about something.

"Everything's fine…" Rosalie started to speak, but her emotions got the best of her and she started to cry. Baby Genevieve roused at her breast, but Rosalie gently hushed her and she fell back asleep. "I'm sorry, Bella. You probably think I'm crazy…hell, even I think I'm crazy. You would not believe the roller coaster of emotions that run through your body after you give birth to a baby." Rosalie was laughing now…and crying…and I was thoroughly confused. I wanted to try and be supportive, but I had no idea what to do or say. Truth be told, I was scared to death of saying something that might set her off.

"Has it been very difficult for you?" I wasn't exactly sure this was the right question to ask, but I figured it might help her to talk about how she was feeling. God…I was starting to sound like my therapist already. Rosalie nodded, inhaling deeply in an attempt to regain control over herself.

"It has; more difficult than you can imagine, Bella. I guess I wasn't expecting it to be so hard, but she needs me constantly. She's a good baby, but that's only because she nurses all the time. When she's not nursing, she fusses a lot. So I've literally spent the last eight weeks with a baby attached to my breast. Don't get me wrong…I love her desperately. But taking care of a newborn is physically and emotionally exhausting, especially at two o'clock in the morning."

My heart went out to Rosalie. I could see how tired she was when we arrived yesterday. And now that she mentioned it, it did seem that with very few exceptions she had spent most of her time since we arrived, nursing Genevieve. I couldn't begin to imagine how difficult that must be for her.

"So she nurses all the time? Are you able to put her down at all?"

Rosalie shook her head.

"She generally fusses when I do, so I normally just hold her."

"Even when she's sleeping?" I asked, astonished, and Rosalie's eyes opened wide.

"_Especially_ when she's sleeping. In fact, the only way she'll sleep is if she's nestled in somebody's arms! She'll have nothing to do with the crib," she said sadly.

I shook my head in utter disbelief.

"My God, Rosalie. No wonder you're so exhausted!"

Rosalie chuckled softly.

"Yeah…taking care of a newborn gives new meaning to the word sleep deprived. The upside is I've been able to watch the entire _Little House on the Prairie_ series on late night television."

I laughed aloud at this, and Rosalie smiled at me.

"Thanks for keeping me company tonight, Bella." The sincerity with which Rosalie thanked me was unexpected, and slightly disarming.

"You're welcome. To be honest, I was having a hard time sleeping myself."

"Oh? Why?" Rosalie wondered, seeming genuinely interested.

"I don't know," I mused. "I guess I've just been so nervous about meeting everybody. I didn't exactly start out on the right foot," I said, offering a weak smile.

Rosalie looked somewhat confused by my admittedly cryptic comment, so I clarified what I meant.

"Melinda wasn't too keen on me to begin with," I said and Rosalie nodded in understanding.

"Oh…that little misunderstanding. I'm fairly certain Edward had some stern words with her over that. I'm not defending Melinda in the least because she was wrong to interfere in Edward's life like that, but she's incredibly protective of him. She always has been."

"Why is that?" I asked. Of course I understood that Edward was her godson and by that fact alone she had reason to care for him. But still, she hovered over him like a mother hen and I had to admit, it bothered me. Rosalie shrugged.

"I don't know, Bella. Melinda never got around to getting married or having any of her own children so I think she's always sort of thought of Edward as a surrogate son, if that makes sense. And believe me, it's easy to feel protective of Edward. He's such a kind, sensitive, trusting soul. There is nothing tough about him, yet he's made his bed in a den of lions. We were all afraid that Hollywood would chew him up and spit him out, and I kind of think it was doing just that…until he met you."

Oh. That comment was unexpected, especially from Rosalie, but it was heartwarming nonetheless.

"Thank you." It was all I could manage to say.

"Don't thank me Bella. I just call it like I see it. I love Edward dearly and I have to admit, I had my doubts about you to begin with, but I can see what the two of you mean to each other and I have to say, I'm thrilled for the both of you, and overjoyed that Edward has finally found somebody that appreciates him for who he is. But I'm warning you, if you break his heart…"

Rose broke off mid-sentence, her mouth curving up in a broad, teasing smile. And although I knew her comment was made in jest, there was an underlying tone of warning there. I chuckled softly, thinking to myself that Edward had one too many mother hens clucking about.

"Don't worry Rosalie. That isn't possible. I don't think I am physically capable of being without Edward now. He's that important to me." I spoke very seriously, and Rosalie's smile fell as she regarded me quietly.

"I know, Bella."

Rosalie and I sat together in companionable silence for a few minutes, neither one of us feeling the need to say anything more. Presently, I noticed Rosalie yawning. Her eyes were heavy, and I could see that she would soon fall asleep, sitting upright in a lazy boy cradling her baby in her arms. That couldn't be comfortable, I thought to myself. I stood from the couch and walked to her side.

"Rosalie, why don't you let me hold Genevieve for a few hours while you go upstairs and get some sleep." I couldn't really believe those particular words were actually leaving my mouth. I could count on one hand the number of times I'd ever held a newborn baby, and that included the two times I'd held Genevieve yesterday. Still, it was clear that Rosalie was tired and if I could offer her a few uninterrupted hours of sleep, then I would. Rosalie looked up at me, clearly taken by surprise by my offer, but also clearly grateful.

"Really?" She asked, as if my offer couldn't really be true.

"Of course. It can't be that hard to hold a sleeping baby, can it?" I teased.

"No, it's not all that difficult. And she's nursed well while I've been sitting here, so she shouldn't be hungry for a few hours. I really appreciate your offer, Bella. With the long trip from Dallas and visiting with family, I'm more tired than I care to admit," she said, yawning widely once again.

"It's no problem, Rosalie," I assured her and she smiled back at me appreciatively.

A few hours later I was snoozing on the couch with baby Genevieve cuddled up snug against my chest. She was deeply asleep and had been ever since Rosalie handed her over to me several hours before. I was feeling quite proud of myself, having been able to sit and hold baby Genevieve without her erupting into hysterics. And I'd been able to afford Rosalie a few precious hours of sleep. That was the most important thing of all.

I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not, but I could have sworn I heard the creaking of stairs and the padding of feet in the hallway. As soon as he entered the room, his delicious, musky scent enveloped me and I knew that I hadn't been hearing things at all. Edward was awake.

"Bella?" He called softly into the dimly lit room, his eyes opening wide as I peeked at him from over the back of the couch.

"Hey you. I thought I left you sleeping. What are you doing up so early?" I asked as he walked over to where I was sitting.

"I woke up cold, and couldn't figure out why until I realized your body wasn't wrapped around mine. I was worried about you, so I came to look for you," he said, leaning over the arm of the couch to kiss me. He stopped before his lips touched mine.

"Bella…is…is that Genevieve?" Edward reached up to rub his eyes with both his hands, clearly thinking he was seeing things. Genevieve started to stir on my chest and I panicked.

"Yes!" I all but hissed, bringing my pointer finger to my lips to silence him. Edward grimaced when he saw Genevieve startle and smiled at me apologetically.

"Sorry," he whispered ever so softly as he tiptoed around the front of the ottoman where my legs lay stretched out and took a seat on the couch by my side. "Where's Rosalie?" He asked in a hushed tone as he stifled a small yawn with his hand.

"Sleeping," I whispered back. "I met her down here a few hours ago and she looked dog tired, so I offered to hold Genevieve for her so she could get a few hours of sleep." Edward looked on at me adoringly, and the sentiment on his face was enough to make me blush.

"That was very thoughtful of you," he murmured as he reached out to gently stroke the top of Genevieve's head with his hand. He laid his head on my shoulder for a moment, each of us gazing at the angelic little creature resting comfortably atop my chest. Edward sighed then, slipping down my side so that his head rested in my lap. He reached up and pulled the afghan from the back of the couch, covering himself before nestling closer against my body.

"What are you doing?" I half laughed. Edward reached out his hand from underneath the afghan and grabbed mine, placing it in his hair. He didn't need to ask, I knew precisely what he wanted me to do. I began scratching and kneading, and Edward sighed.

"Going back to sleep," he answered me in a drowsy, and disconcertingly sexy voice.

A little while later I sat with not one, but two snoozing souls pressed tightly against my body. I wasn't complaining. I had to admit, holding Genevieve unleashed certain feelings that unbeknownst to me, must have been lying dormant inside. She was soft and precious and smelled absolutely delicious, and I secretly loved every minute I spent with her. And then there was Edward, my sweet boy, curled up snug at my side. The moment could not have been more perfect if it weren't for the fact that I had to go to the bathroom.

In a bad way.

I didn't want to, but I knew I had to, so I reluctantly pulled my hand from Edward's hair and gently shook him by his shoulder. He didn't respond at first, so I shook him harder.

"Edward? Edward, baby, wake up! I really need to use the bathroom!" Just saying the word made me squirm a little and my efforts to awaken Edward became more urgent.

"Edward!" I called his name, this time tugging on his hair. I must have tugged too hard because in a moment's time, Edward was sitting up straight beside me, rubbing at his head with the palm of his left hand and grumbling nonsensical words.

"What did you do that for?" He mumbled dejectedly. He turned to me, his beautifully sculpted lips turned down in an irritable frown.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you but I really have to use the bathroom. I need you to hold Genevieve for me." Edward shifted uncomfortably beside me, appearing slightly unnerved by my request.

"Bella, I don't know…"

"What's the problem, Edward? You held her several times yesterday?"

"Yes, but I wasn't left alone."

"Oh for the love of God, Edward, I'm only going to use the restroom! What could possibly happen in that short amount of time?" I tried not to sound too exasperated, but I was seriously about to pee in my pants. Edward's little bout of self doubt was incredibly ill-timed.

"All right, all right, I'll hold her. Just try and be quick," he said weakly and I rolled my eyes, trying hard not to laugh at Edward as inch by painfully slow inch I shifted Genevieve from my chest onto his. I was more careful with her than I would have been with my grandmother's china. The _last_ thing I wanted to do was wake her.

"There!" I declared triumphantly as she settled onto Edward's chest. Unfortunately, in my enthusiasm I forgot that I was supposed to speak quietly, and my loud booming voice did precisely what I'd been hoping to avoid…it woke little Genevieve up.

With a shrill cry, loud enough to shatter glass, Genevieve awoke. Edward looked horrified as Genevieve's tiny figure began flailing in his arms.

"Edward…I'm so sorry…but I have to…"

"Go!" He cried, laughing now and shaking his head at the sight of me jumping up and down in place. I had to pee that bad. "Just be quick about it!" He called over his shoulder as I sprinted to the bathroom, baby Genevieve screeching and howling in the background.

A few minutes later I returned to the family room expecting to find one angry baby and a thoroughly exasperated uncle, but instead, all was surprisingly quiet. I cautiously approached the couch, thinking that perhaps Genevieve had fallen back to sleep.

"Hey…what did you…" I stopped short in front of Edward, staring humorously at the picture before me.

"She quieted down," Edward said, looking proudly up at me as if he himself had just parted the Red Sea. "But for whatever reason she keeps dragging her mouth across my chest." My eyes grew wide as I focused on baby Genevieve moving restlessly on Edward's chest, her tiny mouth making telltale smacking sounds that even I recognized. Edward on the other hand was completely clueless…adorably so…but clueless none the less.

"Edward," I tried to address him seriously, but didn't have much luck with that. "She's rooting."

Edward stared at me impassively out of beautifully innocent, deep green eyes.

"Rooting? What in the hell does that mean?"

And I couldn't help it, I laughed.

"Edward, think about it. She's dragging her mouth across your chest…she's making smacking noises. She's looking for your nipple! She's hungry…she wants to nurse," I said, shaking my head in amusement. But what was even more amusing was the expression on Edward's face as the realization of what Genevieve was doing hit him full force. He immediately stood up, wide eyed and panicked, practically thrusting Genevieve into my arms.

I backed away.

"Bella, could you please take her?" He all but pleaded. And I considered his request, I really did. But I decided I rather enjoyed watching Edward squirm.

"Unh uh," I shook my head. "I'm no better equipped to feed her than you are. Men are physically capable of nursing you know." I teased Edward, my eyes twinkling with mirth, but his normally good sense of humor seemed to have escaped him because he just scowled at me.

"Bella, please, I'm begging you. Take the baby!" I looked at Edward, who admittedly looked very desperate, and I caved.

"All right," I said, smiling at him. He breathed a huge sigh of relief as I gently removed Genevieve from his arms and cradled her in my own.

"So, is this how it's going to be when we're married with children?" I teased good-naturedly before freezing in place.

Edward froze in place, too.

"Bella?" Edward gently called my name, and though my instinct was to look away and make light of the comment I'd just unwittingly made, deep down I knew this was one of those moments in which it was best just to be honest.

"I think about us like this," I said quietly, feeling incredibly self-conscious and bare for some reason, as if I were admitting to a secret fantasy that could never be fulfilled. That all changed the moment I peered up into Edward's amazed and unabashedly adoring eyes.

"I think about us like this too, love...all the time," he whispered back. And we shared a moment of silence then, when loving gazes and unspoken words meant more than anything either one of us could have said. Both he and I realized that this was where we wanted to be one day. I may not have known that before, but I knew it without a shadow of a doubt, now.

Genevieve continued to fuss, breaking both Edward and me out of our respective reveries. I moved by the lazy boy, where a pacifier lay on the adjacent table. I picked it up and popped it into Genevieve's mouth and by some miracle, she began to settle. Edward sat in the lazy boy then, pulling the handle on the side to release the footrest and stretching out his legs in front of him before pulling both me and Genevieve down onto his lap. I curled into him with Genevieve settled in the crook of my arm, and we each sat gazing down into the tiny baby's eyes. I began humming a tune, a nameless tune that just popped into my head, and Edward hummed along, providing a beautiful harmony to my improvised lullaby. Soon, Genevieve's droopy eyes fell closed. She was asleep once again.

"You're a natural," Edward whispered into my ear before tenderly kissing the side of my head. His strong arms encircled both me and Genevieve and I thought to myself there was no other place I'd rather be.

"_We're_ naturals," I gently corrected as I turned my head to his to capture his lips with mine.

**Endnotes:**

Okay…so I was actually really nervous about posting this chapter. I know that this chapter might not have been written exactly the way you were expecting. And I apologize for that…but we all knew that the initial meeting was going to be intense. The next chapter will be more light-hearted and fun and will be written at least partially from EPOV.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my new story, **The Preacher's Son**. I hope to post chapter 3 in BPOV sometime within the next week.

Please take time to review!


	29. Christmas with the Cullen's Part 2

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to everybody who has been so kind as to read and review this story. I love hearing from all of you!

Thank you to **skyeblue0610 **for her continued feedback and help with editing each chapter of this story.

Thanks to **gossip-bangkok** for including me in a list of underappreciated stories.

My apologies, but this chapter evolved differently than I anticipated. I know I promised some light-hearted fun and laughs, but it just didn't fit. I'm hoping you'll still enjoy it and will understand why I wrote it the way that I did.

Next chapter will without a doubt be entirely from EPOV.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Christmas with the Cullen's: Part Two**

**BPOV**

I registered the bright flash of light behind tightly shut eyes. It was brilliant and white, filling the dark with luminescent light. I felt my body start to tremble in response, a familiar yet wholly involuntary reaction to the unwelcome stimulus. I was vaguely aware of a very deep and garbled voice, and words spoken as if the person from whose mouth they fell was standing on the opposite end of a very long tunnel.

"Aren't they just adorable? I wonder how long they've been sleeping there like that."

Another voice, this one softer and more delicate filtered through the air.

"I can't believe she's laid quiet for this long. She must be hungry!" The voice said before adding, "Quick, take another picture before they wake up!"

Another flash of light, and my eyes opened wide as I simultaneously went rigid in Edward's arms. In my own, a tiny baby cooed, completely oblivious to the near state of panic I was in. My body started shaking uncontrollably, and I watched as the expressions on the two faces before me morphed quickly from delight to confusion… to sheer terror.

"P…p…please," I stuttered, trying hard to extricate myself from Edward's arms and sit upright in his lap. "Take the baby," I pleaded.

Wordlessly, Rosalie stepped forward, quickly removing baby Genevieve from my arms. All the while Emmett stood quietly by as he struggled to make sense of what was going on. As soon as Genevieve was safe and secure in her mother's arms, I struggled to climb out of the Lazy Boy, desperate to remove myself from the room before the dam burst and I crumpled to the floor in tears.

"Bella…can I help you?" Emmett tentatively asked. His voice trembled, betraying his fear and concern. I could only imagine what he must be thinking, but in that moment I didn't really care. Emmett reached out to grab my hand, but I shook my head vehemently _no_. Instead, I continued to struggle awkwardly against Edward, my attempts to escape his vice grip becoming more and more desperate until finally I managed to break free. Unfortunately, I woke Edward in the process.

"What the hell is going on here?" He mumbled groggily as I clambered off of his lap and out of the chair. He reached up to rub at both of his eyes with tightly fisted hands, as if that might help him to make sense of what was going on. I paused, standing over him, ashamed of myself and of my inability to control my emotions.

"I'm so sorry…" I whispered as a single tear slid down my cheek. And then I fled the room, leaving three thoroughly confused and equally terrified people in my wake.

I ran up the stairs and into the room that Edward and I were sharing, throwing myself onto the bed and burying my face in Edward's pillow. I inhaled sharply, desperately hoping his scent would help to calm me as I was dangerously close to hyperventilating. My breaths were coming ragged and shallow now, and I knew that if I didn't get a hold of myself soon that I would be taken prisoner by a full-fledged panic attack.

I tried; I tried so very hard to calm the storm that raged inside but my efforts were in vain. I hiccupped, choking back a guttural sob as I attempted not to scream. Everything had been going so well…I had been doing fine. I felt at ease with Edward's family, comforted even by their presence in the holiday season. And then the camera…and the flash…and the god awful memories of what I'd lost came flooding back to me, catching me off guard and carrying me off in a torrent of water in which I felt I would surely drown.

And then there was Edward. He flung the door open, slamming it hard against the wall in his desperation to reach me. He was on the bed in hardly a moment's time, his arms, paradoxically strong and gentle, sweeping me up into a loving and safe embrace.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry, I am so, so sorry, Bella. I didn't tell Emmett…I didn't…I didn't think…" He said, his voice laden with remorse. Edward cradled me lovingly against his chest and rocked me slowly back and forth, and I held onto him for dear life, knowing that he was the one and only thing that could ground me in that moment.

"Fuck, I'm such an idiot," he cursed himself before burying his face in my hair and frantically trying to pull me closer.

I felt badly for Edward that he felt responsible for what had happened downstairs. It wasn't his fault. I knew that, and I wanted for him to know that too, but in that moment I could not find it within myself to reassure him that he had done nothing wrong. I was too distraught, sobbing uncontrollably in his arms.

"Shh, shh," Edward soothed as I hiccupped and had a hard time catching my breath. He ran a shaky hand up and down my back, continuing to apologize for something that wasn't his fault.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Please…can I…is there anything I can do to help make it better?" He asked in a rush. "This is just agony for me seeing you like this." Edward started planting fevered, frantic kisses to the top of my head, and I could feel the wet on his cheek as he pressed it tightly to my forehead.

"God, I wish there was something I could do to make this all go away, baby. I love you so much and it rips my heart out to see you hurting like this." Edward's arms tightened around me, and I could sense that he was trying hard to hold himself together. But just like me, he was teetering on the edge.

"Just hold me…love me," I choked out, closing my eyes and willing myself to try and calm down because I knew I had to…for both of our sake's. I took several deep breaths then, exhaling slowly each time as I tried to regulate my breathing. And I wasn't sure whether or not it was intentional, but Edward did the same. And the combined movement of our chests as they rose and fell in synchronization helped to calm me further so that soon my breathing had dramatically slowed and my breaths were no longer shallow and clipped.

"I was doing well," I sniffled against Edward's chest, finally feeling enough in control of myself to speak. Edward sighed.

"You were…you were doing _so_ well, baby. And if I hadn't of been so thoughtless, I would have told Emmett not to take any pictures. It's just…never in a million years did I think we'd fall asleep with Genevieve and that Emmett would…" I could hear Edward getting worked up as he berated himself for something that just wasn't his fault, so I reached up and silenced him with the tips of my fingers, letting them linger over his warm, wet lips.

"Don't. Don't try and take responsibility for something that isn't your fault. You couldn't have known what would happen. I'll be okay, really. I'm just on emotional overload right now. I'm actually relieved to be crying, to be honest. I think I needed this release. Yesterday was so intense for me..." I said, trailing off. Edward nodded against me, pulling me tighter against him in silent recognition of my words.

We sat together quietly on the bed for a little while, with Edward continuing to rock me back and forth. Presently, he pulled away from me, gingerly brushing my tear dampened hair from my face and staring deep into my eyes.

"What did you see?" He quietly asked me.

"What?" I asked, slightly confused by his question.

Edward reached up with his right hand and gently brushed his knuckles to and fro against my cheek.

"When the camera flash went off, I'm curious…what did you see? What made you feel as if you had to run away?"

I looked away from Edward then, staring down at the worn hems of my shirtsleeves before pulling each of my hands inside. My thumbs peeked out to rub at the edges.

"I thought of Daniel," I answered him wistfully. "He would be 19 years old this Christmas and I wondered what he would have wanted; perhaps a new bow for his violin or a rare, original violin score by one of the masters. But then I thought to myself that maybe he wouldn't have continued to play the violin. Maybe he would have learned to play electric guitar and joined a rock band instead. And the knowledge that I would never know…could never know what he would have become…it was just too much for me, Edward," I cried, burying my face in his chest once again and not even bothering to try and stop the fresh flow of tears.

Edward shushed me, tracing a line up and down my spine and pressing soft kisses to my temple.

"Is it always like that, where you wonder what might have been?" He asked me several moments later, and I shook my head weakly.

"No. Not always. Sometimes the flashes evoke specific memories of the accident or of my life before. Other times they just elicit strong feelings…guilt, sorrow, loss…"

Edward sat quiet for a moment before speaking.

"Does it help to talk about it afterwards, like we're doing now?" He finally asked, and he sounded so hopeful that was the case.

"A little…I guess. I do feel…less burdened," I answered him honestly while sighing against his chest. I peeked up at Edward, and his lips curved upward into a tentative, if not victorious smile.

"Good. I think we need to be sure that you talk about how you're feeling every time you're exposed to a bright flash," he murmured, gazing lovingly at me as he brushed the tears from my cheeks. "You also need to try to make and make a positive association with the flashes, just as Olivia suggested. Were you able to do that this time?" He wondered.

I hung my head sadly.

"No. It was just…I was just caught off guard. I had no time to prepare myself," I mumbled feeling suddenly defeated. Olivia _had_ given me a tool to try and rewire my brain to react differently to bright flashes of light, but I hadn't even tried to utilize it.

"Hey…" Edward said, tilting my chin upward with his long and slender forefinger. "Don't beat yourself up over it. That's why we need to practice." I swallowed hard, trying my best to muster a smile before resting my head back against his chest and shutting my eyes.

Edward and I sat together quietly in the middle of the bed for a little while more before there came a soft knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Edward called over his shoulder, refusing to release me from his arms just to answer the door.

A sorrowful, repentant voice called from the other side. "It's me…Emmett. I wanted to check and see how Bella was feeling and to apologize for what happened. I feel terrible," he said.

Edward looked down at me, his eyes searching mine for an answer as to whether or not it was okay for Emmett to come inside. I nodded silently, slowly sitting up and disengaging myself from his arms so that I could wipe away the remainder of the tears from my face. Edward's arms slackened, giving me room to maneuver my own, but he refused to let me move from his lap.

Emmett opened the door, and as he entered the room I tried my best to muster a friendly smile. Just as I hadn't wanted Edward to feel guilty about not mentioning my condition to Emmett, I didn't want Emmett to feel badly for taking my picture when clearly he had had no idea what the outcome would be.

"Bella, I am so sorry," Emmett said as he took a tentative step towards the bed. Edward's arm tightened protectively around me, and I felt badly that he felt he had to be on guard against members of his own family. I rubbed the back of his hand soothingly, trying to convey to him that I was okay and that he could relax, but I wasn't sure whether or not it was helping.

"Emmett, thanks for coming to check on us, but I don't think now is the time…" Edward started to speak, but I interrupted him.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine…really." I looked up at Edward and smiled at him, running my hand down the length of his cheek to let him know that I really _was_ better before turning my attention back to Emmett.

"Please don't apologize, Emmett. You couldn't have known what would happen if you took my picture. I'm only sorry that I reacted the way that I did. It's a reflex reaction though, one I don't seem to have much control over," I admitted.

Just as I finished my sentence, Edward bent down to whisper in my ear. "Don't worry, love…we're going to change that," he said and I squeezed his hand in silent acknowledgement of his promise as Emmett looked on at our private exchange. He cleared his throat after a moment, just as Edward started nuzzling my neck with his nose.

"Bella, do you think I could speak with you for a moment?" He asked. Edward looked in Emmett's direction, arching a skeptical brow.

"Of course," I answered him, not wanting to be rude. I went to wiggle away from Edward, but not before he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine.

"Are you sure you're okay? I can ask Emmett to come back later. Maybe we should just rest for a bit, hmm?" Edward spoke to me softly, his voice calm and suggestive, almost hypnotic in nature. I could tell that he didn't want to leave my side, and truthfully, I didn't want him to either. But I also didn't want to be rude, and I could tell that Emmett really wanted to speak to me.

"I'll be fine baby," I assured him, kissing him lightly on the lips. He nodded, reluctantly pulling away from me and reminding me that he would just be downstairs if I needed him before exiting the room.

As soon as Edward left, Emmett made his way over to the antique rocking chair that sat in the corner of the room and took a seat.

"I really am sorry about earlier, Bella," he began. "When Edward explained to Rosalie and me what happened, I felt awful. I never would have taken your picture if I would have known…"

I held up my hand, interrupting Emmett before he went any further. I could see that he and Edward were similar in that they liked to take responsibility for things that weren't their fault. But I wouldn't let him do that.

"It's okay, Emmett. You didn't know. Really, this whole event has just driven home how important it is for me to come to grips with my past. I can't have a panic attack every time my picture is taken," I mumbled, feeling really sort of embarrassed that I still had so little control over my reactions.

"You know it won't always be like that," he said softly, and I looked over at him, into large, warm, sea green eyes, and I immediately felt comforted.

"Memories that make you cry right now will one day make you smile, if you let them," he continued. "That's how it was with my mother, anyway. For the first few years after Ethan's passing, certain objects triggered painful memories for her, and she would literally burst into tears no matter where she was. I remember it happening in the grocery store one day when we just happened to pass by a box of teething biscuits…the same brand she'd given Ethan. It would happen at home a lot, too. She'd step into the family room and suddenly remember Ethan lying on his belly on his blanket playing with a rattle, and she'd very nearly have a nervous breakdown. But gradually memories that incapacitated her turned into ones that made her laugh and smile. It took a long time for that to happen, but it did. And I think it will for you, too. Edward says you've already made a great deal of progress in just the few short months that you've known him, so I've no doubt you'll make it over this particular hurdle too. You may just have to jump a little higher is all," he said, offering me a tender, thoughtful smile.

I sat and stared at Emmett, overwhelmed by the exceptionally warm and loving person seated before me. Esme, Carlisle, Emmett…Edwards's entire family was so compassionate and kind, each of them reaching out to me to try and comfort and encourage me when I was little more than a stranger to them. I bowed my head feeling truly humbled by their presence in my life this Christmas.

"Thank you, Emmett. It seems your entire family has important words of wisdom for me," I said shyly, and Emmett smiled at me.

"Anytime, Bella," he said before standing from the rocking chair and extending his hand out to me. "Come on, I'd better take you downstairs before Edward has a nervous breakdown of his own," he teased.

Emmett and I headed downstairs together and as soon as we entered the family room, Edward was out of his seat and on his feet heading directly towards me. When he reached my side, he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me against his chest.

"Are you all right?" He bent and whispered into my ear and I nodded up at him, smiling lightly at him before pressing my lips to the side of his neck. He immediately relaxed, breathing a deep sigh of relief and I wished he wouldn't feel so uptight. I supposed it was inevitable though. He was so in tune with what I was thinking and feeling, our connection to each other seeming stronger with every passing day. I glanced around the room and noticed that with the exception of Emmett we were alone, and I wondered where everybody had gone.

"Where is everybody?" I asked.

"Rosalie's gone upstairs to bathe the baby and mom and dad ran to the store to pick up a few things for the Christmas lasagna," Edward answered me.

"Christmas lasagna?" I quirked my brow in curiosity and Edward let out a hearty laugh. It was musical and beautiful and lightened the mood in the room considerably.

"Yes, Christmas lasagna. Esme gave up on cooking a turkey when Emmett and I were both young boys. She said Christmas morning was too chaotic for her to have to try and put a turkey in the oven, so she started the tradition of the Christmas lasagna instead. She always prepares it on Christmas Eve and places it in the refrigerator for Christmas Day. It makes life a lot easier for her," he mused.

"That's actually a brilliant idea," I said, and I managed to smile at the memory of my mother scrambling to prepare a turkey dinner on Christmas Day amidst a flurry of wrapping paper and new toys. "I think my mother would have approved," I added, smiling up at Edward, and he returned my smile bending to kiss me softly on my lips.

A few minutes later Emmett had taken a seat in the Lazy Boy while Edward and I had settled together on the couch. We were chatting freely about nothing in particular when the camera Emmett had used to snap my picture a little while earlier caught my eye. It was sitting on the table beside him, and I eyed it cautiously, as if it was my sworn enemy, facing me with a drawn sword. I swallowed hard, realizing now more than ever that I simply had to get past my aversion to bright flashes. And Olivia was right. The only way that would be possible would be through gradual desensitization to the stimuli.

"Edward?" I called Edward's name, drawing his attention away from his conversation with Emmett.

"What is it, love?" He crooned, bending down to nuzzle my neck with his nose. He was so affectionate, and without thinking my hand reached for his, threading our fingers together and holding our joined hands tightly against my chest in reciprocation of his tender gesture.

"I was wondering…" I began nervously, pausing to try and calm the obvious tremor in my voice. "Well, I thought that with everybody otherwise occupied right now, that maybe you and I and… Emmett… could practice taking pictures."

Emmett looked up from the issue of Sports Illustrated that he was flipping through, his eyes briefly meeting mine before traveling across to Edward in what I was certain was an attempt to gauge his reaction. Edward, for his part, was suddenly very solemn.

"Love, I'm not sure that after what happened this morning that is the best idea. I'm worried you might be too emotionally fragile," he said, shifting uncomfortably beside me. He slipped his fingers from our tangled hands and wrapped his arm tightly around my waist, pulling me close to his side. He was in protective mode again.

"Actually, I think it's a very good idea. Emmett could take the pictures and you could be standing by to…help me if things become too intense," I said, rubbing my hand up and down his arm and gently kneading his muscles in an attempt to help him to relax. "After all, you're the one who pointed out to me that we need to practice," I added, hoping that might convince him.

In all honesty, I wasn't sure whether this was a good idea or not, but I figured now was as good a time as any to practice because there would _never_ be the perfect moment. There would always be some reason for me not to try and come to grips with my past, and emotional fragility was not a good enough excuse because in truth, I was emotionally fragile virtually _all_ the time. Being able to be exposed to bright flashes without completely freaking out was a major obstacle that I _needed_ to overcome, and I may as well put forth the effort to make that happen starting now.

Edward groaned before mumbling "okay." I hugged him tightly before turning my attention to Emmett.

"Are you game?" I asked and he nodded.

"What exactly would you like for me to do?"

Emmett, Edward and I spent the next several hours taking pictures, and what an unbelievably surreal experience it turned out to be. At Edward's insistence, we started out with Emmett snapping photos of me from a distance. Edward also insisted that I have my face turned away from Emmett so that at least to begin with, I was not exposed to a direct flash. I thought that maybe Edward was overreacting, but I understood that he wanted to minimize the chances of me suffering another panic attack, so I complied.

The first few sets of shots were not all that difficult for me to endure. I was expecting the flashes, and because my head was turned to the side and I was stationed a good distance from the camera, I registered only a faint flare, which admittedly made me less anxious than when a flash went off directly in my face. Because I was not immediately overwhelmed by painful memories or feelings, I was able to utilize Olivia's suggestion of focusing on what I had to be thankful for in my life when the flash went off. Of course, the single image that consumed my thoughts was Edward. I glanced at him, to where he was standing close by, and he winked at me, letting me know that I was doing splendidly and to continue on.

After spending close to thirty minutes taking profile shots from afar, I decided that it was time to up the ante, and I asked Emmett to close the distance between us by half and take full frontal shots with an external flash. Edward stiffened at my mention of an external flash, but he and I both knew that these were the types of flashes most commonly used by photographers, and there was no sense in conducting this exercise if I wasn't going to expose myself to the types of equipment I would most likely encounter when spending time with Edward in public. In order to appease Edward, and to bolster my confidence as well, I allowed Edward to hold my hand as Emmett prepared to take the first shot.

The flash went off, and I was immediately blinded by the light. I shuddered, and I knew instantly that I had pushed myself beyond my limits when an all consuming sense of grief engulfed me, literally knocking the breath from me and nearly causing me to fall to my knees. I stumbled backward, disoriented by graphic images of the accident that flashed in front of my eyes, and Edward's arms were immediately around my waist, steadying me and leading me over to the couch where we both sat down.

"Bella?" He called my name anxiously, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly in his as he waited expectantly for a response. I held out a single trembling finger, indicating to him to please give me a moment.

I shut my eyes tightly, willing the images of the accident to recede from my mind while at the same time struggling to swim through the tumultuous sea of emotions that threatened to drown me.

"Talk to me Bella, please!" Edward's frantic pleas dragged me from my own personal hell, reminding me that I wasn't alone. I looked up at him and he once again begged me to talk to him, to say anything to him to let him know that I was okay. So I did. I talked to him and described each and every image that assaulted my mind as well as the immense amount of guilt I felt at having been the only one to survive the accident. Edward listened to me intently, all the while holding me close and soothing me with the gentle touch of his lips and his hands. After, I was all talked out, and when my body ceased its trembling and my mind was sufficiently clear, I made to stand.

"I'm ready to begin again," I whispered, and Edward and Emmett both jumped up from where they sat.

"What?" They both said simultaneously, each of them staring at me in wide-eyed disbelief.

"I'm ready to begin again," I said, this time more forcefully, and there was no mistaking my steely resolve. Edward eyed me skeptically before sighing heavily and leading me to the opposite end of the room.

"Edward, it's too far away," I protested but he wouldn't back down.

"You pushed yourself too far, too fast," he gently reprimanded before insisting we take baby steps instead.

So we did. For the next several hours in fact, until we'd worked our way up to where Emmett stood a mere ten feet away from me. We'd already taken several sets of pictures at the twelve foot mark and I'd had reasonable success in holding myself together. I now felt ready to tackle the ten foot mark and call it a day after that. I'd monopolized the family room long enough. It was Christmas Eve after all, and I was certain Edward would want to spend some time with his family aside from Emmett snapping endless amounts of pictures of me.

As I approached the ten foot mark I took a deep breath, steadying myself for what was to come. The last two hours had been incredibly intense, but very revealing as well. I was more clearly able to identify when I was losing control now, and I was able to remove myself from the scene to sit down on the couch with Edward and talk about it when it happened. But what was most promising about our exercise was the fact that as time had wore on, I hadn't had as many episodes where I felt as if I was losing control. I was able to hold it together more often by utilizing the suggestions that Olivia had made and not dwelling on the negative. I was hoping that as I faced the camera now, for the very last time today, that I would be able to do the same.

"Ready?" Emmett asked, bringing the camera to the front of his face and centering it on mine. Edward reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a little squeeze just as I said "yes". The flash went off and my body immediately tensed up, but as I stood in place at the ten foot mark, nothing else happened. And I wasn't sure whether or not it was because I was emotionally exhausted or if it was due to the fact that we had indeed made progress today, but my mind was at ease. I felt nothing other than Edward's hand in my own and saw nothing other than Emmett standing before me, camera in hand by his side. Tears pooled in my eyes as I mentally processed what had just happened and I turned to Edward, hardly able to believe it.

"Are you all right, love?" He asked, concern sweeping across his beautiful face as both of his hands come up to cradle my own.

"I am," I said truthfully as the tears began to fall. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him close to me while I intermittently laughed and cried with relief. "I really am."

It was hours later, after having spent a good part of the afternoon helping Esme prepare the Christmas lasagna, that I found myself appraising my appearance in the antique oval mirror above the dresser in the room that I was sharing with Edward. After the events of the morning, the rest of my day with Edward's family had been very pleasant and relatively stress free and I was now preparing to go to church with everybody for Christmas Eve service.

"You look stunning, as always," Edward said as he walked into the room and wrapped his arms around me from behind. "But I was hoping you would wait for me to take a shower," he added as he rocked his hips forward suggestively, pressing his rapidly growing erection against my back. I turned to kiss his neck before smiling back at him in the mirror.

"Sorry, baby, but you and Emmett were taking too long at chess. Besides, it hardly seems appropriate to have pre-marital sex in your parents' shower less than an hour before we're due at church," I teased. Edward just rolled his eyes good-humoredly before bending to place a kiss to my cheek and strolling off into the bathroom.

"I'll meet you downstairs," I called after him as I finished applying a light layer of lipstick.

"I'll be down in twenty minutes," he yelled back at me as I gathered my purse and coat from the bed and exited the room.

As I made my way down the hall in the upstairs of the house, I noticed a light on in what Edward had told me earlier was Carlisle's study. He had mentioned that Carlisle had a fabulous collection of books inside and told me to feel free to browse through them if I wanted anything to read while I was here. Knowing that we still had a bit of time left before we needed to leave for church, I decided to do just that. Turning the handle on the door, I stepped inside, surprised to find Carlisle sitting at his desk reviewing some papers.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry! I should have knocked," I said, realizing belatedly that it was rude of me to have just entered Carlisle's study without knocking first. "I didn't realize anybody was in here. I just wanted to look for something to read to pass the time until we leave for church," I explained as my face flushed red in embarrassment.

"Don't be silly, Bella," Carlisle said, flashing me a warm smile and waving me inside. "Come on in and have a look. I have everything from classic romance to sci-fi, to incredibly boring medical journals," he laughed, pointing to the bookcases crammed full of books that lined the walls of his study.

"Thank you," I murmured as I shut the door behind me and wandered over to the bookcase closest to Carlisle's desk. I started to scan the shelves, recognizing many of the titles there, but stopped short when my eyes fell upon a small plaque leaning up against the tightly packed books. I reached out and picked it up, running my fingers absently over the textured words.

"God does not burden us with more than we can bear." I read the words, not realizing that I was in fact doing so out loud until Carlisle's eyes met mine. We were both quiet for a moment, neither one of us saying anything until Carlisle broke the silence.

"It was a gift to me from Melinda, sometime after Ethan passed away," he murmured. "It was meant to give me strength during a period of time in which admittedly, I felt very weak."

I held Carlisle's solemn gaze, surprised that it had been Melinda that had gifted him the plaque. I hadn't figured her to be a religious woman. I briefly looked away, reaching out to trace the letters G, O and D with my index finger before meeting his gaze once again.

"Did it?" I whispered quietly. "Did it give you strength?" I clarified, and Carlisle slowly nodded his head.

"Oh," was all I could manage to say before reaching out to resume running my fingers over the raised letters of the words, the same words I'd heard spoken time and again over the years and which honestly, had never given me much strength. In fact, they had often made me feel resentful. Who was God to decide whether or not I was capable of bearing the burden of such great sorrow, anyway? And how exactly had he come to his decision? Those were the questions I wanted answers to, those and a million others. Mostly though, I just wanted to know why he'd taken a mother and a brother from a defenseless little girl.

"Bella?" Carlisle called my name, drawing me from my inner musings.

"Hmm?" I answered him absently, my eyes never leaving the plaque.

"Turn the plaque over," he murmured.

I looked at him curiously for a moment before doing as he asked, and was amazed to find that there was an inscription on the other side. Blinking twice, I swallowed hard before reading the words aloud. "When God closes one door, he opens another."

The room was quiet for a moment as the weight of the words I'd read settled over us. I stared at the plaque, considering its significance before looking at Carlisle once again. He motioned for me to come and sit down then, and I did as he requested, taking a seat across from where he sat at his desk.

"Are you a religious woman?" Carlisle asked as I settled into the seat, and I remembered asking Edward that very same question the night he first came to dinner at my apartment. I looked up at Carlisle, into eyes as deep and as thoughtful as those of the man that I loved and answered him as honestly as I could.

"I don't know," I whispered softly. "Are you?" I looked on expectantly, as if Carlisle's answer might help me to be more certain of my own.

"I am," he said confidently, not the least bit hesitant in his response. "Although I can't say that it's without a struggle."

"Oh? Why?" I wondered, placing the plaque on his desk and giving him my undivided attention. Carlisle sighed, leaning back in his chair and furrowing his brows in thought before continuing.

"I suppose there are many reasons why, Bella. It's sometimes hard to believe in something you cannot see, and then of course there is the age old conflict between science and religion. As a man of science, I sometimes have a difficult time reconciling the two. But I guess if you were to ask me what challenges my faith the most, I would have to say it is all of the unnecessary and seemingly arbitrary suffering and death I bear witness to on a regular basis. It often leaves me wondering how a God I believe to be benevolent could allow such a thing. And it routinely makes me question my faith."

"I understand," I said softly, because I did. I wondered every day how God could have taken two beautiful souls and left immense sorrow and suffering in their place. It was perhaps the greatest barrier to my faith, too.

"I imagine you do," he whispered back, nodding quietly in understanding.

Each of us sat quietly by then, and I found myself reaching for the plaque yet again, fingering it reverently, as if it were the Holy Grail itself. And I wondered if indeed these few simple words actually _did_ have the power to heal. I supposed they did, if you had faith in God. But how did one keep their faith when faced with such overwhelming trials and tribulations? I'd all but lost mine when I'd lost half of my family, but Carlisle hadn't. And he'd lost a son, and he witnessed needless suffering and death on a daily basis…

"So, how do you…_keep_ your faith?" I asked him, suddenly eager to know. Because I _wanted_ to have faith…I wanted so desperately to believe that I was strong enough to bear the burden of my mother and brother's deaths. I _needed_ to believe I would survive.

"It hasn't always been easy. I nearly lost it entirely, you know," he answered me quietly. "When Ethan passed away, I all but gave up on God. Those were the darkest hours of my life. Paradoxically, it was science… my job as a surgeon that helped me to find my faith again."

"Oh?"

Carlisle nodded, offering me a soft smile at the same time.

"About a year after Ethan passed away, a young girl came into the ER. She was a perfectly healthy sixteen year old who'd been struck by a car while running late at night. I knew immediately that I would not be able to save her, and she died on the operating table a few minutes after her arrival. I was angry at her passing, so incredibly angry that a precious life had been wasted. But then something happened. Her parents approached me about donating her organs. Back then, organ donation was not nearly as commonplace as it is today, and I was a little bit surprised. But of course, we arranged for her heart, lungs and liver to be procured and they were then given to individuals who were all within weeks of dying themselves. I remember going back to my office that night, in the wee hours of the morning, and sitting at my desk and staring at that very plaque," he said, gesturing towards the plaque that was now cradled in the palm of my hands.

"Suddenly it made sense, Bella. Though the girl's passing was undeniably tragic, in her death she gave life to three others. And I considered for the very first time that perhaps when God closes one door, he really does open another."

My eyes opened wide and I swallowed hard as the weight of Carlisle's words fell upon me. Carlisle paused briefly, hesitating in the slightest before continuing.

"May I draw a modern day example for you?" He cautiously asked, and I looked up at him, into eyes solemn and wise, and wordlessly nodded my head.

"Nine years ago, I was called into work on my night off. A young girl, a victim of a car accident, was being flown in by life flight. Her mother and brother had already passed away and her life was hanging on by a thread. When I arrived, I feared there was little hope for her. Her injuries were extensive, and I could clearly see that she hadn't much of a will to live. But somehow, by some miracle of God I'm all but certain, she survived, and three months ago this same young girl just happened to cross paths with my son in an encounter I would label as anything but chance. They've since fallen deeply in love, and while I'll always be sorry that this girl lost part of her family, I will forever be grateful to God for opening the door to make her a part of my own."

I sat, momentarily stunned and completely without the ability to speak as I contemplated the deeper meaning of Carlisle's words.

"God does not burden us with more than we can bear, and when he closes one door, he opens another," I whispered, repeating once again the words that were engraved on both sides of the plaque. But somehow they meant so much more to me now than they had only moments before.

"Strength and hope, Bella," Carlisle murmured while nodding his head. "God gives us strength…and he gives us hope."

"Edward," I said as a single tear slipped down my cheek. "God gave me Edward."

And for the very first time since the accident, I was able to see that perhaps God did exist, and that he had not abandoned me after all. And that my life had a purpose and meaning, even if I had suffered through a terrible tragedy. The tears started to flow then, uncontrolled…but welcome, as they were just as much tears of joy as they were tears of sorrow. There was quiet knock at the door then, and I panicked a bit as Edward called out my name from the other side of the door. I didn't want him to see me this way again. Today had been rough, and I knew he was already worried about me. If he saw me crying now, he might decide it was best for us not to go to church. And I really wanted to go, now more than ever.

Carlisle must have sensed what was happening because he smiled tenderly at me, telling me to take a few moments to myself while he took Edward downstairs. I thanked him, grateful for his assistance, and tried to thank him for taking the time to talk to me too, but he just waved me off, telling me it was his pleasure and that he looked forward to many more such talks in the future. As he was leaving, Carlisle turned to me and told me to keep the plaque. It had served its purpose for him, he said, and he hoped it would do the same for me.

I made my way downstairs a few minutes later after having spent some time attempting to make it appear as if I had not been crying. I really did not want Edward to worry about me anymore than he already was. Unfortunately, Edward's face fell as soon as I stepped into the family room, and I knew immediately that my efforts had been in vain.

"Are you all right?" He asked as he rushed over to me and placed the palm of his hand against my cheek. He began rubbing small, almost frantic circles on my jaw with his thumb and I reached up and placed my hand over his, stilling it while simultaneously meeting his anxious gaze.

"You've been asking me that question an awful late lately," I teased, trying to lighten the mood and ease Edward's obvious anxiety. Edward tried to smile, but it was forced, so I did my best to reassure him with my words.

"I'm fine, baby. Really, I am." I said, smiling up at him while reaching out with my free hand to take his in mine.

"But you've been crying…again" he pressed, and I sighed.

"I have, but sometimes just because someone is crying, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're sad," I offered. Edward sighed, leaning in towards my touch. I stepped up on my tiptoes to press a soft kiss to his lips then, and I felt him relax, if only a small bit.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He murmured, his lips brushing gently against mine.

"I do," I answered him while winding my arms around his waist and pulling him close. "But not right now. Right now I'd like to go to church and celebrate Christmas Eve with your family," I said honestly. And as if on cue, Edward's entire family assembled in the foyer.

Edward bent to place a final kiss to my lips. "Later then, love," he said, smiling down at me.

"Later," I promised as I took his hand in his and led him to the front door.

**Endnotes:**

I know this chapter was heavy, but again…I think it was necessary. Please take the time to share your thoughts with me.

I want to take a quick moment and apologize for not replying to reviews for the last two chapters. Life is VERY hectic and busy now, so much so that I feel it is only fair to tell you that there will probably be a significant delay in getting out the next chapter. I will try my best to have it done within a month's time, but I cannot promise anything. I am in the midst of orchestrating an international move from The Bahamas back home to Florida and I am under an immense amount of pressure right now. I will try and honor my promise to post Chapter 3 of **The Preacher's Son** within the coming days, but otherwise, I can't promise when the next chapter of either story will post. I'm sorry, but I do promise not to let it ride for too long. I am not, by any means, abandoning either story. Thank you in advance for your understanding!


	30. Christmas with the Cullen's Part 3

**Author's Notes:**

Hello! Sorry for the very long delay in getting this chapter to you but moving is a bitch. I'd like to try and aim for posting every two weeks for the duration of this story but I can't promise anything. I am unexpectedly homeschooling my daughter this year, so I'll have much less time to write than I had hoped.

Anyway, for those of you who are sticking with this story almost one year into it, THANK YOU! I'm writing this for you.

As always, a big round of thanks to **skyeblue0610 **for editing each and every chapter for me!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 30: Christmas with the Cullen's – Part Three**

**EPOV**

"Take your clothes off."

"Pardon me?" Bella looked over her shoulder at me from where she stood at the dresser, quietly removing her jewelry. She didn't wear much; only her grandmother's diamond earrings, the necklace I'd given her in L.A. and a sapphire ring that used to belong to her mother. She was fastidious about removing the pieces every night before she went to bed.

"You heard me," I breathed, leveling my eyes at her. I pulled the thick cover of blankets back revealing my naked form, and her eyebrows arched up in surprise.

"I need to feel you against me. Skin on skin," I murmured and she nodded quietly in understanding before silently stripping away her clothes and crawling into bed beside me. I pulled her to me then, her back flush against my chest, and slipped my left leg between hers, winding it around her calf and locking her in place against my body. I was hard, as it seemed I always was whenever I was around her, particularly when we lay in bed naked, and I was certain she could feel me as I pressed myself against her. But I wasn't interested in making love with her tonight. Well…that wasn't entirely true. I was _always_ interested in making love to Bella, in feeling her body move in synchronized rhythm with mine, in tasting the sweetness of her mouth as her tongue tangled with mine and in listening to her moan my name in ecstasy_. But not tonight_. Tonight I just wanted to hold her. I needed to feel her, her bare skin against my own, the rhythmic thump of her heart beneath my hand. Because no matter how hard Bella tried to convince me that she was fine, I knew that these last few days had been difficult for her and I wanted to hold her close, encase her in my arms and guard her from her demons.

"Edward?" She called my name, and it fell from her lips as a question. She sensed my anxiety. She always did. "Is everything all right?" She tentatively asked. I nuzzled my face into her hair, inhaling deeply and pulling her closer to me before answering her question.

"Everything's fine," I murmured as I absently traced a circle around her heart. I felt her slide her hand under mine, and I retracted my own so that my forefinger brushed delicately back and forth across the ring finger of her left hand.

"Will you wear my ring?" I wondered absently, allowing my thoughts to travel to a day, _one_ _day_ in the future when Bella and I might be husband and wife, having committed ourselves to each other mind, body and soul. Bella's breath hitched in her throat and her heart thrummed wildly in her chest at my question. I chuckled softly as her body betrayed her nervousness. "When we're married, will you wear my ring to bed at night, or will you take it off with all your other jewelry?" I clarified. It was a bold question, I knew. It was just yesterday that we'd indirectly referenced a future together as husband and wife for the first time. But I wanted to know…_needed_ to know that when the day came that we were joined together in matrimony that my ring would forever remain on her finger. I didn't want for her to ever take it off. Bella pulled my hand to her mouth, kissing my own ring finger softly.

"Do you realize that you just said _when_ we're married, as opposed to _if_?" She asked, not immediately answering my question and instead calling attention to my choice of words.

"Yes." I answered her simply, honestly and without the slightest bit of hesitation. There was only a tiny fragment of a pause before Bella's velvet soft lips brushed against the skin where my own wedding band might one day rest.

"I'll wear it, of course," she answered me softly, and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. And I wondered if she could feel it, my heart pressed tight to her back, pounding furiously at the thought of her one day becoming my wife. I hoped she could, because I could feel hers, and it filled me with immeasurable joy.

We lay quietly together then, and soon Bella's breathing evened out and her body fell limp in my arms. She was asleep, my beautiful angel was asleep, but I couldn't sleep just yet. My mind was racing, running a million miles a minute, and I tried desperately to keep up with it as I attempted to process the events of the past several days.

Bella traveling to Kelly's Island and meeting my family had been like a dream come true so far. My entire family loved her, and this included Rosalie, who was notoriously protective of me, especially since I'd skyrocketed to stardom. Baby Genevieve was just as smitten as the others, and watching Bella with her over the past several days had been particularly poignant for me because she smiled continuously whenever Genevieve was around.

As I suspected would be the case, Bella had slipped effortlessly into my family's usual holiday activities, even helping my mother to bake cookies and prepare the famous Christmas lasagna. But while I knew that Bella was enjoying spending time with my family, I also knew that it wasn't without difficulty. Bella missed her mother and brother terribly, and no matter how much she enjoyed Esme and Emmett's company, they were still very painful reminders of what she had lost. Thankfully, it was clear that she and Esme had already established a bond, and I was hopeful that in time she would be able to draw upon that connection as a source of strength. Esme would never replace Bella's mother, but she'd love Bella just the same. In fact, I was pretty sure she already did, as did Carlisle. Ever since learning that Carlisle had once saved Bella's life, they were each convinced that fate had intervened in our lives, and that Bella and I were somehow _meant_ to be together.

I couldn't say I could argue with that. In fact, I'd felt for a very long time that Bella and I shared something that transcended the normal definition of love as I couldn't for the life of me begin to explain the intensity of our connection. Truth be told, it stretched far beyond being in love with her, which I wholeheartedly _was_ - mind, body and soul. No, the fact of the matter was I could _feel_ Bella, really feel her as if she was in actuality, an extension of me. When she was happy, I was happy. When she was sad, I was sad. I realized that this wasn't exactly healthy, and that when it came to Bella, I wasn't always sensible. But I was powerless to do anything about it. My life was irrevocably tied to hers now and I knew that we could never be apart.

This, of course, was highly problematic, because due to the nature of my career, we had no other choice but to endure time apart. And now, in just a few short weeks, we would be facing our longest separation yet, that of several months time, as I prepared to leave for Paris in mid January. My imminent departure was a source of great anxiety for me, and each day that passed found me increasingly anxious, uncertain as to what exactly this separation would mean for us. Bella had just begun to make progress in confronting her past, and she leaned on me heavily for support. I was terrified of what might happen when I was forced to leave her side. It didn't help matters that Bella was remaining uncharacteristically quiet on this subject. In fact, she all but refused to discuss it with me, choosing instead to brush me off with banal comments such as "this isn't the right time" or "we'll talk about it later." Thankfully, Bella had been making such good progress, growing stronger every day as far as I could see that I was hopeful that she'd be strong enough to weather the storm. She _had_ to be because the alternative, that our relationship would succumb to the pressures of separation and wither away, was simply not tolerable.

Bella whimpered in her sleep, calling out to her mother_. "I'm going to go for help, momma, you're going to be okay. I won't let you die,"_ she said, her voice laced with desperation. I winced at her obvious emotional distress and pulled her closer to me, leaning in to gently shush her in her ear. It was all I could do for her to try and comfort her as I had no other choice than to let the dream run its course. This particular dream, one in which Bella would attempt to go for help soon after the accident, played out nearly every night now, almost from the day she entered therapy, and I was helpless to do anything but hold her.

I had _tried_ waking her. The first night she'd dreamt this dream, I'd tried waking her to the point of roughly shaking her in her sleep, but it was to no avail. Even worse, after I'd disentangled my body from hers that night, she wouldn't let me touch her again until the dream had passed. I'd sat by, watching in horror as her body writhed on the bed as she relived the moments immediately following the accident when she'd had to make the heart wrenching choice between going for help and staying by her mother's side.

Bella cried out, and I lifted my hand from where it rested atop her heart and brushed her hair back from her face. She was damp to the touch, but it wasn't from being too warm. I shushed her again as her body started to tremble, and in anticipation of what was to come next, I did my best to anchor her body to mine as her limbs started to flail in her sleep_. "I can do it, momma. I can make it to the top of the mountain," _she cried out, trying desperately to convince herself that it _was_ possible, that there was indeed a chance that she could save them both, even though there _wasn't_, and there never had been. I braced myself as Bella's arms and legs started moving more forcefully, pinning her to me and keeping her safe. She was strong… but I was stronger. And the moment would pass soon enough, just as soon as Bella realized she could not scramble up the mountainside. It was this part of the dream that was always the most difficult for me to take. The moment in time in which her body would wilt in my arms as she realized the impossibility of her feat. She'd lie limp in defeat, quietly sobbing and whispering over and over again that she was sorry until slowly the dream would pass and peaceful sleep would claim her once more.

"Wake up sleepyhead."

I felt something warm and wet brush against my lips and I sighed in my sleep, caught in a hypnagogic state, somewhere in between wakefulness and sleep. A soft giggle called to me and I was blanketed in familiar warmth as Bella crawl atop me.

"Edward…wake-up sweet boy. It's Christmas," she whispered into my ear, and I was vaguely aware of her lips repeatedly placing warm, soft kisses to my own. At the same time, I was _more than_ vaguely aware of my own body's response to her amorous advances. I opened one eye, bemused by her early morning antics, only to find her dangling fresh mistletoe just above my head. I chuckled softly, pushing my hips up against hers in greeting.

"Good morning," I murmured before catching her bottom lip between my teeth. I nipped at it softly and Bella squeaked in surprise before rocking her hips forward, rubbing herself against my groin.

"Mmm…Merry Christmas, baby."

"Have you been up for long?" I managed to ask in between kisses. Bella continued to hold the mistletoe in place, and I could tell that she was working hard not to crack a smile as she continued to assault me with kisses.

"Mmmhmm….everybody's downstairs waiting on you. Emmett's dressed as Santa Claus, which is really freaking Genevieve out, and Esme's putting together a plate of cookies for us have with our coffee."

"Really? What time is it?" I asked, somewhat surprised. I thought it was early, but apparently everybody was already up with the exception of me.

"It's near to ten," Bella said, confirming to me that it was _not_ early in the morning, and that I had in fact, slept in. Bella rested the mistletoe on the pillow beside my head before drawing back from me and studying my face intently. "Didn't you sleep well?" She asked a moment later. She smiled softly at me as she smoothed back the hair from my eyes, the pads of her fingers drifting lovingly down my cheeks. I returned her smile as best I could, knowing there was no point in telling her of her nightmare.

Bella never remembered _this_ particular nightmare, this nightmare that seemed to focus solely on her struggle to decide whether or not to go for help or to remain at her mother's side, though there were others that she could recount to me in vivid detail the morning after. But not this one; and I knew it would only upset her if I told her I'd been up half the night trying to soothe her in her sleep when she had no memory whatsoever of what had happened.

"I slept fine. I'm just taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep in. I'm not afforded that opportunity very often you know," I teased, reaching up to tickle her sides. I did this to draw Bella from her suspicious gaze. She didn't believe what I'd told her, I knew. But it seemed to be enough for her that I could crack a smile, and when I flipped her on her back and kissed her ardently, all was forgotten.

Ten minutes later, after failing in my attempts to convince Bella to forgo exchanging presents in favor of lying in bed together all day, we emerged into the downstairs family room which was replete with gifts of all shapes and sizes. Of course most of the gifts were for Genevieve, as was fitting, but there were several gifts nestled underneath the green of the tree that were for Bella, one of which in particular I was anxious for her to open.

As we crossed the room, my mother kissed my cheek and my father shook my hand, and I repeated the acts in kind with both Rosalie and Emmett before settling on the floor with my back against the couch. Burl Ives was playing softly in the background and I smiled contentedly at Bella before she disappeared into the kitchen, only to reappear moments later with a steaming hot cup of coffee in hand. I smiled at her as she approached, opening my arms to her and beckoning her forth.

When she reached my side, she placed my coffee on the nearby hearth and then flashed me a mischievous smile as she lowered herself to the floor on bended knee. I looked up at her questioningly as she reached into her pocket, a broad smile stretching across my face as she removed the mistletoe from upstairs. Waggling it above me, she inched herself forward between my legs, her lips curved upward into the most stunning of smiles and her eyes alight with mirth. As she bent to kiss my lips, I was vaguely aware of the amused snickers of my family, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I was simply elated…and secretly relieved, that Bella was so enthusiastically embracing Christmas. She seemed genuinely happy and relaxed this morning, and I couldn't ask for a more meaningful Christmas gift from her. Her happiness was everything to me.

It was a little while later, after indulging in fruit cake and ambrosia and Christmas cookies galore that the family settled in to the business of opening presents. Emmett was suited up and in place at a large chair in front of the fireplace, laughing heartily as baby Genevieve delighted in an ornament that adorned the tree. My heart warmed at the sight, seeing Emmett so thoroughly besotted by his tiny daughter, and again my thoughts strayed to a time and place when Bella and I might have a baby of our own. Instinctively my arms reached forward, to where Bella sat in front of me, nestled between my legs, and my arms wound around her waist, pulling her close against my chest where I could bury my face in her hair and nuzzle her neck. Bella giggled and then sighed as I placed a single, soft kiss to the tiny hollow of skin below her left ear. I was tempted to let my tongue stray, but I behaved myself so as not to encourage the tightening in my groin. Now was not the time, nor the place for that sort of activity.

"Bella, this gift is for you," Emmett announced as he pulled a mid-sized rectangular shaped package from under the tree. "It's from me," he said before winking at her. I rolled my eyes, knowing that whatever was hidden beneath the garish paper would probably be completely useless. Emmett's gifts had become a bit of a joke amongst our family. He loved to find obscure items at The Sharper Image or Brookstone that were in theory supposed to enhance your quality of life, but in reality generally just cluttered your closet. Like the electric socks Emmett had purchased for me one year. They were battery operated, and meant to keep your feet warm on long, cold, winters nights. Unfortunately, the left sock had overheated, giving me a first degree burn on the sole of my foot. Yes, I was stupid enough to actually wear the socks to bed.

Bella thanked Emmett before slowly peeling away the paper. I was surprised to find that Emmett had given Bella a book; it was certainly not his style. Then I read the title of the book and could not contain my laughter. Bella looked on at Emmett, slightly bewildered by the gift.

"Auto Mechanics For Dummies," she read the title slowly, trying hard to sound appropriately enthused. "Wow…thanks, it's most unexpected, but I'm sure it could come in handy if I ever need to change a tire on my own," she happily supposed. Emmett emitted a large guffaw.

"Actually, I was just hoping it would give you and Rosie something to talk about. I have to admit, I was a bit worried about whether or not the two of you would hit it off. Rosie wasn't so sure about you at first," he teased.

A loud thud reverberated through the room as the back of Rose's hand made contact with Emmett's rotund belly.

"You big oaf," she said. "That was before I met Bella. I can't help it if I feel protective of Edward. But now that I see that the two of them are truly in love, I'm finding that I quite like Bella. Genevieve's certainly enamored by her, too," Rose said and Bella blushed at her remarks.

"Thanks, Rose," she said shyly and I kissed the top of her head and gave her a gentle squeeze.

The morning carried on in a similar fashion, with gifts and laughter and good company. Rosalie cried when she opened Bella's and my gift to Genevieve, a CD we'd recorded of lullabies, with me playing the piano and Bella playing her cello. Of course we'd purchased much more for Genevieve; I may have gone slightly overboard at FAO Schwartz. But it was clear that the most meaningful gift she received from us was the gift of our music. Esme enjoyed the books on New York architecture Bella purchased for her while Carlisle was thrilled with the bottles of vintage wine he received from Swan Vineyards. For their part, Carlisle and Esme presented Bella with a scrapbook…of _me_. I was slightly embarrassed at first, but then I watched as Bella flipped through the pages, reverently running her fingers over pictures of me growing up, and all my embarrassment was forgotten. My mother had taken the time to put together a history of me to share with her, complete with stories to accompany each set of pictures, and I knew as a single tear slipped from Bella's eye, that my parents could not have given her a greater gift.

"Esme…this is…this is perfect. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your son with me," she said before standing to embrace Esme. They stood together in the middle of the room, locked in an embrace not unfamiliar to me; it was the embrace of a mother and her child, and it did not escape my notice that Bella all but melted into it. All of us looked on, each of us recognizing the significance of Bella's acceptance of our family, of how easily she'd slipped into the role of daughter and sister, as if she'd always been one of us. Rosalie glanced in my direction, smiling tenderly as she reached out to squeeze my forearm and if I was not mistaken, Carlisle had to turn away so as not to be overcome with emotion himself.

With a quiet laugh and cursory wipes of their cheeks, the two women withdrew from their embrace, and I knew it was time for Bella and me to exchange our gifts to each other. I stood up, walking over to the tree and picking up the small single package I'd wrapped the night before. I cleared my throat and nervously shifted my weight from one foot to another as I handed the package to Bella. Bella smiled warmly at me, reaching out to grasp my hand in hers in an attempt to steady my nerves. I wasn't exactly sure why I was so nervous. I'd tried to be thoughtful in my gift to her, but one never knew how a gift would be received, particularly a gift of this nature.

"Whatever it is, Edward, I'll love it because it's from you," she said honestly. I smiled at her and led her over to the couch where we sat down together, side by side. Very delicately, Bella undid the bow before pulling back the tape at the edges of the gift. Having unsheathed it, she laid the simple golden colored box upon her lap before carefully removing its lid. There, nestled in a bed of red and green tissue paper were two tickets.

"What are these?" She asked curiously as she picked the tickets up and studied the text more closely. Her eyes opened wide in disbelief as she turned to face me.

"Bach's Mass in B Minor?" She gulped, seeming hardly able to believe it. I tried to gauge her reaction, to see how she felt about the gift. Aside from her surprise, she seemed pleased.

"I know it was a favorite of your mother's, and that you've always wanted to see it performed live but that you were worried about…well…I know it could be a difficult experience for you, but I thought if we saw it together, that maybe it might make things easier for you. And it is such a beautiful Mass, and it's rarely performed. It's sheer luck that it's being performed this spring." I realized that I was rambling, but it wasn't until I heard Bella's quiet hiccup and felt a splash of water on my hand that I realized that I'd been looking down at my hands. I looked up, only to see Bella's liquid eyes shining back at me.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into a firm embrace. She buried her face in my neck, kissing it repeatedly before drawing back and gazing up at me. Her look was one of complete and total adoration, but most noticeably, gratitude.

"So you like it?" I asked and she nodded.

"I love it, almost as much as I love you," she teased. "Where…when?" She suddenly asked, excited.

"In Germany, in April. You'll have to take some time from school. I hope that won't be an issue," I said, using the pads of my thumbs to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I'll make it work," she said as she leaned in for a kiss. She let her lips linger on mine for a moment before she popped up from her seat.

"It's your turn," she said, somewhat nervously, and I chuckled. The roles were now reversed. She shuffled over to the tree and removed a mid-sized package that lay beside the sole remaining gift. Making her way back over to me, she smiled shyly as she placed the gift in my lap.

"It's not much…" she started, making excuses for her gift before I'd even had a chance to open it. Her hands fidgeted nervously in front of her, and I was well aware that all eyes were upon us. Everyone, including myself, was curious to see what Bella had gotten me.

"Hey," I said, reaching out to still her hands and look her in the eye. "You give me everything just by breathing," I said, and I listened to the sharp intake of breath around us, but all I cared about were the deep, soulful eyes staring back at me, glistening with pure delight.

Taking my hand from hers, I carefully removed the glossy coated green paper from her meticulously wrapped gift only to reveal a plain white box. I looked to her and smiled before carefully removing the box top to reveal an intricately carved wooden box. I stared at it for a moment, picking out the image of a beautiful grand piano in the upper left hand corner and a carving of the comedy and tragedy masks in the lower right hand corner. In the center, in elegant script, was my name.

"Bella, it's beautiful. It's a box to store personal affects?" I asked.

"It could be, if that's what you would like," she answered me quietly. "Why don't you take it out?"

I did as she asked, lifting the wooden box from its plain white cardboard confines and resting it on my lap. I was so busy admiring the carvings, and how they represented two parts of my whole, that I almost didn't hear Bella ask me to open it. I did as she asked, and was amazed to find the box played music.

"Bella, is this…"I paused, certain that I must be mistaken. It couldn't be…but it _must_ be. I would know the poignant hum of Bella's cello anywhere. "This is you," I whispered, and she nodded.

"Your Irish ballad you love so much. I made a recording and the craftsman was able to make your gift into a music box. I hope you don't think it's too feminine…"

"No." I shook my head vehemently. I absolutely loved it. "And what are these?" I asked, carefully removing what appeared to be a stack of envelopes bound together by satin ribbon. Bella blushed, appearing suddenly nervous again.

"Those…those are for you," she said hesitantly. "But while technically they're a part of your gift, you're not meant to open them now. You're meant to open them in Paris, one a week for the duration of your stay. Of course if you really want to read them now, they're yours to do with as you would like, but I thought…" I interrupted Bella, setting the box aside and reaching out and pulling her into my lap.

"You thought that while separated, you'd give pieces of yourself to me in order to lessen the pain of being apart," I murmured, and she slowly nodded.

"How?" I asked, pressing my lips softly to hers. "How is it that you just know what it is I need?" I pressed another kiss to her lips, this one not quite so chaste. I heard Emmett clear his throat and Esme suggest to the others that maybe it was time to retire to the dining room to set the table for Christmas dinner, and soon Bella and I were alone, cloaked in silence. I rested my forehead against hers.

"God, I don't know how I'm going to do this…how I'm going to leave you for three months. I'm going to miss you so much," I said, not even caring that this was Christmas day and perhaps not the best time to burden Bella with my feelings. But my emotions were raw right now, and I needed her to know exactly how I was feeling. I needed her to know that I was struggling with the thought of leaving her and that I was going to miss her more than I'd ever missed anything or anyone in the entirety of my life. To my surprise though, she simply kissed the tip of my nose, murmuring dispassionately that she would miss me too before rising from my lap and walking away.

"Bella?" I asked, slightly hurt by her dismissive behavior. She seemed to be brushing me off, and I didn't really understand why. Could it be that she wasn't as anxious about our impending separation as I was? I would have thought differently. The first time I'd left her, she'd all but fallen apart, terrified that I wouldn't come back, and that had only been for a matter of days. Now, I was about to leave for three months, and she hardly seemed to notice. She _had_ to be feeling frightened; I was downright petrified. But she wouldn't talk to me, and it was really beginning to worry me.

"What's this?" Bella's question drew me from my inner musings, and I looked up to see Bella holding a wrapped package in her hand. It was the last gift from underneath the Christmas tree, and I knew exactly what lay inside. Bella looked at me curiously and I held out my hand to her, silently asking her to come and sit by my side. She did so, and I turned to face her, hopeful that she wouldn't be angry with me for what I'd done.

"This gift is for you," I said. Bella frowned, clearly displeased.

"Edward, we promised each other we'd only exchange one present. I don't have anything else for you…" I quickly dismissed Bella with a wave of my hand.

"This isn't from me."

"Oh?" Bella was clearly confused and I hesitated for only a moment before telling her who it was from.

"It's from Xavier."

"Xavier?" She asked weakly, as if questioning whether or not she'd heard me correctly.

"Yes, Xavier," I confirmed, and Bella's eyes opened wide with disbelief as a mixture of emotions played across her face.

"I…I don't understand. Have you been in contact with him?"

"Only once. He called several weeks ago to ask whether or not I felt you'd be open to receiving a Christmas gift from him. I wasn't exactly sure how you'd feel about it, but it seemed important to him that he give this to you, so I told him that I would, with the expressed understanding that if you didn't want to open the package that I'd mail it back to him the day after Christmas. Bella, you don't have to open his gift, but he desperately wants you to be a part of his life, and you said before that you were willing to try. I think you should open his gift." It was a mouthful of words, but they were things that needed to be said. Bella listened intently to me then sat silent for a short while, her fingers tracing random patterns on the paper as she tried to decide what to do.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to open it. He went to a lot of trouble to see that I got it," she said, as if trying to convince herself that it was okay.

"Open it," I said, assuring her that it was. So she did.

I didn't know exactly what Xavier had sent for Bella. All I knew was that it seemed to be important to him that she got it. Bella unwrapped the box, removing its lid to reveal a legal sized manila envelope inside. Reaching inside she withdrew the envelope, slowly lifting its flap and peeking inside.

"It looks like music," she said as she slipped the contents from the envelope.

Indeed it was.

"It's a copy of Bach's Cello Suites."

"A very old copy, it appears," I said. She nodded.

"There's a letter." Bella looked up at me, holding the letter in her hands. "I should read it."

"You should," I agreed.

"Do you want me to read it out loud?" She wondered. Bella was nervous. She was fidgeting in place and part of me wondered whether or not this had been a good idea. I had no idea what that note said, and I didn't want for Bella to be upset by its contents. But there was no turning back now. Bella was curious, I could tell. Admittedly, so was I.

"If you want. If not, I'll understand that too."

"I want for you to hear it," she said and then began reading.

"_My Dearest Bella…..._

"_I hope this Christmas finds you well and in good spirits. I spoke with Edward and he informed me of your holiday plans. By now you will have met his family, and I am certain they will have fallen in love with you, just as their son has. By the way, I have to note that I am impressed with Edward. He is a fine young man who very obviously has your best interest at heart. Please, if you harbor any ill will towards me for presenting you with a gift this Christmas, do not be upset with Edward for doing my bidding. He was concerned that maybe you'd perceive his involvement as going behind your back, but I assured him that if you'd no desire to accept my gift, that he could send it back to me the day following Christmas. Receipt of this gift is your choice, Bella, and if you do not wish to keep it then I will understand. But I do hope this is not the case, as this particular gift is very near and dear to me._

_By now you will have seen that I've sent you a copy of Bach's Cello Suites. But this is not just any copy of his suites. This is my own personal copy of the suites, a copy I used as a student of Pablo Casals, and whose personal notations are included throughout the margins of the music…"_

Bella paused, her hands trembling. "Oh my God," she whispered. Putting Xavier's letter to the side for a moment, she dared to open the music. There, just as Xavier said, were ancient notations made by one of the 20th century's most famous cellists. Bella stared wide eyed, turning page after page of music to reveal margins full of notations on how to properly perform Bach's suites.

"This is amazing," she managed to say, completely in awe. Shaking her head in disbelief, she reached for Xavier's letter.

_"I'm sure you never knew that I had the honor and privilege of being taught by such a master. Nor do you know that I am as passionate about Bach and his Cello Suites as you are. There is much about me you do not know, dear daughter, but I pray that that this will not always be the case. I dream of the day when we can know one another better. Perhaps when you visit Edward in Paris, you'll find some time to spend with me and we can try and build a relationship. It is my greatest wish."_

Bella stopped reading.

"Is that all?" I asked.

"Yes," she quietly replied. I looked at her, trying to gauge what she was feeling.

"Are you all right?" I asked, somewhat hesitantly, and she smiled at me.

"I am. This was…unexpected, but it was a pleasant surprise." I exhaled a small sigh of relief.

"So you're not upset with me?" Bella laughed softly, shaking her head back and forth.

"Of course not; I love you," she said, moving Xavier's letter and music out of the way and scooting forward towards me.

"I love you, too," I murmured in reply before she sealed my mouth with a kiss.

It was late in the afternoon and we had all recently finished eating Christmas dinner. Since that time, the family had scattered to various parts of the house and I found myself alone in the family room, seated at the piano, tinkering around with some variations on Jingle Bells. I'd only been playing for a short while when Bella approached me from behind, bending to kiss the top of my head before taking a seat by my side. She nudged me gently with her right shoulder before tapping out a simple left-handed harmony to my right-handed melody. I looked down at her and smiled. Since I'd known her, I'd never seen Bella play the piano. Of course, I figured she _must_ know something about it as she had a Steinway sitting in the middle of her apartment. But then again, many professional musicians had pianos in their homes simply because it provided convenient accompaniment.

"Suffering from withdrawal?" I teased, watching her hesitantly plunk at notes with her left forefinger. Bella played her cello every day for at least five hours a day and since starting therapy, she'd been spending an even greater amount of time with her instrument between her knees. I knew she had to miss playing.

"Something like that. It's been a long time since I've been away from my cello for more than a day's time," she said.

"Why didn't you bring it with you?" I wondered. I'd thought t it strange when she hadn't brought it along on our trip, but figured that perhaps she needed a small break. Her weeks leading up to Christmas had been intense, with Bella practicing eight and ten hours a day in preparation for her multiple performances.

Bella shrugged.

"I guess I thought it would be too much of a distraction for me. I knew this trip would be emotional for me, and when I get emotional I tend to play for hours on end. I didn't want to put people off by hiding in a room and playing music the entire time I was here," she laughed lightly.

"You _can_ be a bit obsessive," I agreed, laughing as she rolled her eyes at me and then jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow. "Hey, I'm just confirming what you already know to be true," I defended. "But seriously, my family would have understood. They're used to the brooding musician type. I perfected that role early on."

"Really?" Bella looked up at me, amused by my statement.

"Really," I confirmed. "I used to spend most of my free time locked in the parlor playing the piano. Emmett even used to call me Shine," I admitted.

Bella doubled over with laugher, nearly falling off of the bench. "As in David Helfgott?" She asked and I laughed along with her.

"Yeah. I was pretty obsessive."

"Did you ever play naked?" She wondered. She attempted to make her voice sound low and seductive, but she didn't quite succeed. She was laughing too hard.

"So that's how it's going to be?" I asked, highly amused by her antics. Bella made to speak, but I turned to her and tackled her, taking her by surprise as we both fell to the floor with a thud.

"Ow," she complained as she landed on her back on the area rug, but the twinkle in her eye and her soft giggles told me she was just fine.

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" I said, pressing myself against her. "You'd like to see me naked at the piano." Of course, I was hard. We hadn't had sex in over twenty four hours, and that was a long period of time for us. I pressed myself against her again, and what little fight she had in her vanished as I settled between her legs. She looked up at me, her eyes alight with desire…and _mirth_?

"Have you forgotten already? I've seen you naked on a piano bench," she deadpanned.

I growled, remembering all too well our encounter a few months back. The memory caused even more blood to flow to the southern regions of my body, and I moaned as I pressed myself more forcefully against Bella's thighs. She responded with a throaty moan of her own, winding her hands into my hair and kissing me full on my mouth.

A throat cleared from somewhere nearby, and Bella and I both jumped as Carlisle and Esme entered the room. I looked up to see Carlisle, snickering, and Esme, turning as if to leave, but I stood up, telling her she really didn't have to. I offered my hand to an adorably flushed Bella and pulled her up off of the floor.

"Edward, we're so sorry to interrupt but we heard you playing the piano. It's been so long since we've listened to you play and we thought maybe you could play something for us." Esme said, trying her best to pretend that she hadn't just walked in on her son dry humping his girlfriend in the middle of the family room floor.

"Of course," I said, trying to sound as genuine as possible. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little frustrated by the interruption, but my mother did love to hear me play and we'd be leaving Ohio in just a few short days.

"Any requests?" I asked my mother before stealing one last kiss from Bella and sitting back down at the piano. My parents sat down on the couch while Bella made herself comfortable in the Lazy Boy.

"Do you even need to ask?" She laughed, raising her brows in question. I chuckled softly before adjusting my posture and spreading my fingers about the keys. I began playing, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, a favorite of my mother's ever since I'd learned to play it when I was eight. As I played, I glanced over my shoulder at Bella and found her reading peacefully in the chair. Turning to look at my parents, I saw that my mother sat with her head on my father's shoulder, eyes closed in quiet meditation as she enjoyed listening to me play. I turned back to the piano then, thinking to myself how right everything felt in that moment.

The music drew to a close, and my mother lifted her head from my father's shoulder, sighing happily.

"That was beautiful, Edward. Thank you."

"It was," Bella seconded. I watched as she stretched her arms above her head, and my eyes wandered south to where the hemline of her shirt rested just above her belly button.

"I'd offer to teach it to you, but I think we might be best to stick with simple left handed harmonies. Care to give Jingle Bells another go?" I teased. I couldn't help it. Bella was much too relaxed. I wanted to light a fire under her, get her all riled up and then take her to bed. Yes. My mind was in the gutter.

"Well, aren't we smug," Bella said, standing from her chair and making her way over to the piano. Carlisle chuckled.

"Son, I'd be careful if I was you," he playfully warned.

Bella sat down next to me on the bench and started picking out notes on the piano with her right hand. "It goes like this, right?" She asked shyly. She was hesitant as she moved her fingers over the keys, but she managed to pick out the melody with her right hand.

"Yes, that's it! Well done," I praised her enthusiastically and she smiled. "There might be hope for you yet," I added, before nudging her with my left shoulder and winking.

"Is that so?" She said, clearly amused by my uncharacteristically punchy mood.

"I believe so. Yes," I answered her. "Especially if you were willing to entertain the idea of private lessons," I bent and whispered in her ear. Bella shivered.

"I'm not sure how my boyfriend would feel about that," she said, purposely avoiding eye contact, and it was utterly absurd that a tremor of jealousy shot through me.

"He doesn't have to know," I growled.

"Well in that case, teacher, could you show me how to add in the left hand? Just for the first few measures, of course. I realize it's a difficult piece to play…"

_Fuck_. I was so turned on by this exchange and my parents were still sitting in the room! It took every ounce of restraint I could muster not to strip Bella naked and take her on the piano bench right then and there.

"Put your hands on top of mine," I instructed her and she did as I asked, reaching across me and draping her fingers over mine. I tried not to tremble at her delicate touch, but the mood had shifted; it was suddenly much more intense. The air was charged with a certain energy…_our_ energy, and I had to really focus in order to play. My fingers flexed as I began playing, Bella's fingers moving in fluid motion with mine. I stopped after eight measures and Bella looked up at me and smiled.

"I think maybe I have it," she said. "Do you think I could give it a try on my own?"

Even given Bella's gift for music, I was dubious that she could play all eight measures of the sonata with both hands. Nevertheless, I stood from the bench, allowing her the opportunity to try.

"By all means," I said and she smiled at me before adjusting her posture and resting her fingers on the keys. And it was then that I noticed how they curved, forming perfect arches. And when she started to play, I knew I'd been had.

_Fucking Hell._ She played piano, too.

"Beethoven's Sonata Number 14 in C# minor, his Moonlight Sonata, quite possibly the most beautiful lamentation ever composed," she murmured quietly. My parents and I looked on in absolute awe, for Bella wasn't just playing the piano, she was making love to it. The way her fingers caressed the keys, the emotions she conveyed, the subtleties of the piece that even the most experienced of pianists often could not convey, she so perfectly expressed with each stroke of her hand. I really should not have been surprised to find that Bella was an accomplished pianist; this was a woman to whom music was everything. It defined her in a way that nothing else could. Still, I never would have guessed her level of talent. She was a far superior pianist to me, that much was clear. I didn't think I'd ever heard such a moving rendition of Beethoven's masterpiece. It was truly a transcendental experience listening to her play.

When Bella finished playing, she sat still on the bench, a satisfied grin stretching across her face. My parents stood and applauded, casting amused glances between the two of us.

"I didn't realize you played the piano, Bella," Esme said.

"That makes two of us," I murmured, narrowing my eyes at Bella and she winked at me. Carlisle noticed our little exchange and chuckled softly.

"Well it seems this one will keep our son on his toes, dear," Carlisle laughed as he walked over to Bella. "Goodnight dear. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. I look forward to the day we're able to hear you play your cello." Carlisle bent and kissed Bella on the cheek with Esme following suit, and after bidding me goodnight they left the room, leaving Bella and I alone, once again. She stood from the piano bench and walked over to where I stood, wrapping her arms around my waist and grinning up at me.

"You've been holding out on me," I said, leaning in to kiss the tip of her nose. Bella drew her lower lip between her teeth, eyeing me warily from underneath her long, brown lashes.

"Are you upset with me?" She asked, though she knew that I wasn't.

"Of course not," I answered. "Just surprised. Why didn't you ever tell me?" Bella shrugged.

"I don't know. I suppose in the very beginning I didn't want to come across as an overachiever. You'd be surprised how much of a turn off that is for a lot of people so I don't really like to talk about it. But then, as time wore on…" Bella looked away from me then, and if I didn't know any better I would have said she was nervous.

"Hey," I whispered, drawing her attention back to me. "What is it?"

"Oh, it's silly, really. Embarrassing, actually, and rather childish," she muttered, and I was as confused as ever.

"Bella please, you're not making any sense."

"It's nothing, Edward…" Bella was now wringing her hands, growing increasingly anxious as the seconds ticked by.

"Bella," I said, and the tone in my voice was insistent. "Please, it's obviously _something_, and your reluctance to tell me _what_ is driving me crazy." I tickled her then in an attempt to help her relax. Whatever it was that was suddenly preoccupying her couldn't have been that important, could it? Bella giggled, batting my hands away with hers before sighing heavily and letting her forehead drop to my chest.

"I like to maintain an air of mystery," she mumbled, and I laughed.

"You like to what?" I asked, uncertain whether or not I'd heard her correctly. Bella looked up at me then, her wide brown eyes seeming to search mine for something. But what that was, I didn't really know.

"I like to keep you guessing…to keep you on your toes." And in a rare moment of vulnerability, she whispered in a soft hush. "I don't want for you to lose interest."

I stared back at Bella, suddenly understanding exactly what it was she was searching for. And it came as no surprise, because I searched for it myself. Assurance, we both sought some sort of assurance that in the coming weeks and months, despite our time apart, that what we had together would not change. That our love would remain pure, strong and true.

"Bella," I sighed, holding her to me tightly and kissing the top of her head. "I really think we need to talk about what's going to happen when I leave," I said. I was tired of dancing around the subject. We really needed to talk, if only to offer each other the assurances we _both_ seemed to need. But again, Bella refused.

"No, I'm fine Edward, really. I told you it was nothing…that it was silly. And it is. I really don't want to waste our holiday brooding over what's to come. It won't change anything, and will only serve to upset us both. So please…" Bella was all but begging me now and I felt torn as to what to do. On the one hand, even if Bella didn't feel as if she had anything to say, _I did_. I needed her to believe with every part of her heart and soul that I could never lose interest in her, that she would always be the only one for me. And I needed to know she felt the same, in return. On the other hand, I could see in her eyes a steely resolve not to discuss our separation. And I knew that if I pressed her, she would retreat further into herself. So I let the subject be, for the time being anyway, not wanting to spoil what had been an incredible Christmas day.

"All right, love," I murmured. But as I bent to kiss her lips, I worried that I hadn't made the right choice.

**ENDNOTES:**

Thanks for sticking with me! Please take time to review! I love to hear from all of you!


	31. ParadiseLost

**Author's Notes:**

So, I went back and forth over whether or not to post this chapter as an outtake or as part of the story and I finally decided to just post it as the next chapter in the story. I realize that there hasn't been much in the way of plot progression these past few chapters, but I'll be moving things forward at a quicker pace starting with the next chapter.

Thanks, as always, to **skyeblue0610** who continues to offer fabulous feedback every chapter. I am so appreciative of her help!

Thank you, too, to all of you who have continued to stick by this story. I sincerely appreciate it and look forward to hearing from all of you each chapter!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

**Warning:** There is sexual content in this chapter.

**Chapter 31: Paradise…Lost**

**BPOV**

"All clear for take-off, Mr. Cullen. We'll be in the air momentarily." The captain's voice called over the intercom, informing Edward and me of our imminent departure. I glanced out my window, at the pristine field of freshly fallen snow adjacent to the runway and the iced over lake just beyond, and whispered a fond farewell to Kelly's Island. It seemed like just yesterday that Edward and I had arrived in Ohio to spend Christmas and now we were once again on the move, headed _somewhere_ to spend New Year's– exactly _where_ I wasn't quite sure.

New Year's.

It was only four days away, and while I'd thought that we would be spending the holiday in New York, it turned out that Edward had other plans. While packing our bags last night, in preparation for our departure from Ohio, Edward had casually mentioned a slight change in travel plans, telling me that he was taking us away…just the two of us…to spend New Year's together alone. I was thrilled, of course. While I'd thoroughly enjoyed spending Christmas with Edward's family, we'd more or less been sequestered inside his parents' cottage from the moment of our arrival. This meant that we were constantly surrounded by family, with very little time for the two of us to spend together alone. We'd have that _much_ needed time now, where our sole focus would be each other. The only problem was, I had no idea where we were going.

"I wish you'd tell me where we're going," I murmured, reaching across the way to where Edward sat and taking his hand in mine. Edward turned to look at me from where he was gazing out the window, a mischievous grin playing on his face.

"Not a chance, love," he told me, his voice resolute.

I wasn't surprised by his response. Edward loved surprising people almost as much as he loved being surprised himself. Even so, I continued to try and gently coax the information from him.

"Please?" I pouted, purposely pushing my lower lip forward as I stared up at him from under rapidly fluttering lashes. At the same time, I surreptitiously rubbed my right foot along the length of his calf. Edward chuckled softly…_not exactly the reaction I was looking for_… as his head shook gently back and forth.

"I'm immune to your wiles, my little temptress," he said before quickly bringing the back of my hand to his lips. He kissed it, winking at me as I tried to repress the grin that threatened to overtake my face. Try as I might I just couldn't be mad at Edward.

The plane took off, and I settled back into my seat with Xavier's copy of Bach's Cello Suites while Edward read from his Kindle. Though I was eager to delve into the notes Pablo Casals had scratched along the margins of the music, I was distracted by thoughts of my time on Kelly's Island. It had been so wonderful having the chance to finally meet Edward's family. They had been warm and welcoming, and more supportive of me than I could have ever hoped for. Even though I'd just met them, they all already felt like family, and while there was a part of me that felt guilty about that, as if I was somehow betraying my mother and brother, the greater part of me…the part of me that desperately missed having a family, rejoiced.

Now, as Edward and I headed towards some unknown destination, I thought to myself that it might be nice to try and have Charlie fly out east and meet up with me and Edward and the rest of his family for a few weeks next summer. I knew that Charlie would love Kelly's Island. Fishing was good during the summer months and there were even some local wineries we could explore while there. Nothing would make me happier than to see both Edward and my families come together. Somehow the idea just felt right, and I knew that was because Edward just felt right. He always had, from the very beginning, and I knew that now with greater certainty than ever before.

Of course, there was still the matter of Edward leaving, and this had become the proverbial elephant in the room. Edward had tried on several occasions over Christmas to strike up a conversation about his leaving for Paris, but I had routinely brushed him off. I wasn't ready to talk about it. I wasn't ready to acknowledge what his absence would do to both him and me. It was going to be difficult, much more difficult than I think either one of us even realized, and I didn't feel like I was emotionally strong enough to try and talk it through. Truth be told, I was downright paralyzed at the thought of Edward leaving. It had been so difficult for me the first time he'd left, but these past few months, we'd grown immeasurably closer, and I depended on him now like I never had before, especially since starting therapy with Olivia. Edward was quite literally my rock, and to be without him for three months…I honestly wasn't sure I would survive without suffering a breakdown of some sort.

I didn't want to think of all of that now, though. Not when we were headed off to some faraway location to pass New Year's together alone. I wouldn't let what was to come ruin this time for us. Instead, I would embrace our time together alone, pushing all thoughts of Edward's impending departure aside because I was good at doing that. I was a master of avoidance, after all.

A cell phone ringing drew me from my thoughts and Edward reached into my purse and withdrew my phone, tossing it to me with a quick smile.

"It's Alice!" I screeched. God, I missed my best friend something fierce. We'd spoken to each other several times over the Christmas holiday, but I hadn't spoken to her since finding out that Edward would be whisking me away somewhere romantic for New Year's. I knew that Alice was in on the surprise, as she had packed my bag for me, and now that I had her on the phone, I decided I would use the opportunity to try and figure out where in the hell we were going.

Alice and I talked for several minutes about completely mundane things before I finally asked her where we were going. I kept my voice low and turned my body away from Edward's hoping that either he wasn't listening or couldn't hear, but of course, I could never be so lucky.

"She's not going to tell you," he confidently asserted before Alice even had a chance to answer me. I immediately swiveled in my seat so that I was once again facing Edward and stared him down in challenge.

"Yes, she is."

"No, she isn't."

"_Yes. She. Is_."

"_No. She. Isn't._"

"She's my best friend."

"Which is precisely why she's not going to say a word. She loves to see you squirm almost as much as I do."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Thoroughly my love, oh so thoroughly."

Edward grinned at me, an annoyingly smug grin that made me want to reach out and smack it right off of his face. Problem was, I wanted to pounce on him and kiss it off his face, too. _Fuck_. Why did he have to be so irresistible? It didn't matter where he was or what he was doing, it seemed I _always_ wanted to _have_ Edward...even when he was teasing me mercilessly without any signs of remorse.

"Would you two shut the hell up? I'm trying to have a conversation here and you can't keep quiet for one minute! Jeez, why don't you just fuck him senseless Bella then call me back? Maybe then he'll settle down."

"Alice," I admonished sharply. I loved Alice dearly, but dear God in heaven, she could be crude. Of course, crude as she was…she was also right.

"I heard that, and I must say I quite like that idea," Edward chimed in. I rolled my eyes at him, shaking my head as he winked at me in return.

"Alice, please," I whined. I really wanted to know where we were going and the fact that everybody else but me seemed to know was driving me absolutely crazy!

"I wish I could, Bella, because I know that not knowing is killing you, but I've been sworn to secrecy by Edward."

"How much did he pay you?" I demanded.

"What?" Alice replied, innocently enough. But she couldn't fool me.

"You heard me. How much did he pay you?" I repeated myself, smiling into the phone despite myself. Edward sat across from me, looking guilty as hell, and anywhere but at me.

"Hey, I resent that question," Alice said, feigning offense. "Edward didn't pay me anything, although he might have presented me with a very generous gift card to Versace for Christmas," she added sheepishly.

"Edward!" I couldn't help but laugh as I picked up an old newspaper that was lying by and used it to smack him on his thigh.

"What!" He cried, laughing as he curled into himself in an attempt to put distance between the newspaper and his body. "She's my friend too. Am I not allowed to buy her something for Christmas?"

I huffed, realizing my inquiry was useless and that I'd get nowhere with Alice. I'd simply have to wait until we arrived at our destination to learn where Edward and I would be spending New Year's.

"So I suppose we're going somewhere warm," I said to Alice, making one last-ditch effort to figure out where we were headed by trying to trick her into giving something away.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you didn't pack me very much to wear. I saw the suitcase, Alice. It's small."

"Pfft. That's just your carry-on, silly," she blithely disregarded me. "I've arranged for the rest of your luggage to be delivered directly, but I wanted you to have something to wear just in case."

"Just in case? Just in case what, Alice?" I cried, trying to call her bluff, if in fact she was bluffing.

"Oh for Pete's sake, Bella. In case of a fire, or an unexpected layover! Would you please just let your incredibly thoughtful and romantic, not to mention fuck hot boyfriend surprise you?" She screeched. "You're impossible! Some things never change," she added, giggling.

"Yes, would you please just let your incredibly thoughtful and romantic, not to mention _horny_ boyfriend surprise you?" I gasped as Edward leaned over me, whispering into my ear before placing a wet, open mouthed kiss just beneath it. I inhaled sharply, and Edward chuckled lowly, reaching up to grab the phone from my right hand.

"Bella's going to have to call you back, Alice," he said.

"But wait, I'm not finished talking to…"

All thoughts of protesting were forgotten as Edward closed his lips over mine.

I had no idea how long I'd been asleep for, but sometime later I awoke to the feel of Edward's velvet soft lips brushing against my ear. "Wake up, beautiful," he murmured softly. He rubbed the length of my back with his left hand, stopping at my shoulders to gently knead the muscles there. It felt heavenly.

"Mmmm….why?" I wondered sleepily. The whir of the plane's engines continued to suspend me in a peaceful state of rest. I didn't want to wake up. Edward was warm, his arms strong, his scent intoxicating and his touch comforting, all the more so knowing that in three weeks time I'd be without it for a long while.

"We need to buckle up. We're about to land," he chuckled softly, ruffling my mussed hair. He kissed the top of my head, kneading my shoulders more forcefully and extending a single finger to gently poke my stomach. I giggled, swatting his hand away, then groaned as his hand traveled south, lightly brushing between my legs.

"I wish you would have allowed me to return the favor," I murmured, my body instinctively reacting to his touch. I reached between us, placing my hand on him and rubbing him gently. He shifted in his seat, gently pushing my hand away.

"First of all, the pleasure was all mine. I love tasting you; can't get enough of it in fact," he said as his lips ghosted mine. "Second of all, as much as I would have loved for you to have, as you say, returned the favor, I'd like to wait till we've arrived, so that I can take my time worshipping you and making slow, passionate love to you," he breathed right beside my ear. I shivered at his words, and felt him smile against me. He knew exactly what he did to me; he knew I was putty in his hands. He'd seduced me earlier, making love to me with his mouth in an attempt to distract me. It had worked, of course, but now, as I reluctantly lifted my head from Edward's chest, I realized our destination was no longer a secret

"Edward!" I gasped, rubbing my eyes with tightly fisted hands, for the magnificent blue water spread forth beneath us was a sight to behold. I crawled across him to the window, resting my hands on either side of the oval shaped pane and pressing my face against the cool glass.

"It's exquisite," I exclaimed. I'd seen beautiful waters before, but I'd never seen anything quite like this. It was the bluest of blues, with hints of emerald and green, and the colors blended together so seamlessly that it was impossible to tell where one color ended and another one began. Beneath the surface, visible to the naked eye, were shallow reefs that one could only imagine were teeming with multi-colored and peculiar life. I couldn't wait to explore them with Edward.

"Oh Edward, it's beautiful. Where are we?" Edward rested his chin on my shoulder, turning to kiss my cheek. It tickled because he hadn't shaved in several days, and I giggled.

"We're in The Bahamas," he told me, winding his arms around my waist and squeezing me lightly from behind. "Do you like it?"

"Like it? I absolutely love it!" I turned to face him, enthusiastically kissing him about his face. I couldn't think of a more perfect place to pass New Year's. If anything could distract me from Edward's impending departure, this was it - the sun, sea and sand…and Edward. He laughed, trying hard to get a kiss in edgewise, but failing miserably in his attempts.

"You're so wonderful," I sighed, my lips hovering just above his. He took that opportunity to claim my mouth, and as he kissed me soundly, I focused on him and him alone, grateful for the opportunity to be here, together in this tropical paradise.

The Citation touched down, gliding smoothly along the disconcertingly short runway before coming to an abrupt stop just shy of the sea.

"That was…interesting," I muttered, trying hard not to appear too unsettled by the fact that our plane had nearly overrun the landing strip and crashed into the sea. Edward chuckled, gently peeling back my fingers from his hand.

"It's a small airport. The Citation's about the largest size aircraft it can accommodate," he said.

"Airport?" I glanced out my window at an aged concrete building about the size of an outhouse that sat adjacent to the runway. It didn't look like much of an airport to me. It was certainly no JFK or Charles de Gaulle.

"Norman's Cay _International_ Airport," Edward murmured, and I laughed at the irony as my brow simultaneously crinkled in thought.

"Why does that sound familiar?" I wondered.

"You've seen the movie _Blow_?" He asked, and I nodded, curious as to what that had to do with anything.

"Norman's Cay was a major transit point for drugs arriving from Columbia during the 1980s," he said, by way of explanation.

"And you thought this would be the perfect romantic getaway?" I teased while quirking a brow.

"I did…and it is," he assured me as he pulled me to my feet. He bent to briefly kiss my lips before leading me off the plane.

A short while later, Edward and I ambled hand in hand down a deserted stretch of beach. The sand was fine and smooth, slipping effortlessly between our toes, and the sun was high in the sky, warming us as we walked. I cast a sidelong glance at Edward, blushing at the sight. He was glorious, stripped bare but for a pair of board shorts and I couldn't help but stare. I wasn't used to seeing him like this, hot and flushed and nearly naked under the sun, and I had to say it was a huge turn on.

A smug grin played on Edward's lips.

"Are you checking me out?" He wagged his eyebrows at me, clearly enjoying the attention.

"Oh yes…unabashedly so," I admitted, drawing my lower lip between my teeth. "You're hot." I cracked a smile and Edward laughed aloud, the sound beautiful, carefree and relaxed. Moving in front of me, he reached out to take me in his arms.

"You've no idea the amount of self-control I'm exercising right now," he murmured as he skimmed his nose the length of mine. He took a deep breath before exhaling slowly, his breath, so warm and sweet, gently caressing my skin. "Watching you parade around in this skimpy blue bikini doesn't do anything to help my resolve," he added as he kissed either side of my mouth, carefully avoiding my lips.

"Your resolve?" I questioned him. My lips sought his, but he refused to yield to me, instead torturing me with soft, sensual kisses above and below and to the sides of, but never directly atop my lips.

"Mmmhmm," he murmured in reply. "I have plans for you Ms. Swan. Ones I'm inclined to think that you'll like. And in this case, a little bit of sexual frustration won't hurt. In fact, I rather think that it helps to intensify the pleasure, don't you?" Edward drew my lower lip between his teeth, applying soft pressure to the tender flesh before letting it slip free. I pouted up at him, reaching out to grasp hold of his evident arousal but he backed away, just as he had on the plane.

"Be patient Bella," he breathed heavily before pressing a disappointingly chaste kiss to my lips and moving back by my side. I smiled up at him, indulging him and granting his request.

We'd been walking along the beach in companionable silence for a little over an hour when we started to see signs of civilization. Before then we'd been completely alone, just the two of us lost in our own little world. I'd let my thoughts wander, imagining Edward and me abandoning our lives back home and running away to our own deserted island. We could swim in the shallows by day and make love under the stars by night, never having to answer to anybody but ourselves and losing ourselves in each other. The laughter of a child on the beach had drawn me from my thoughts. Now, as we approached a group of people on the beach, I instinctively hesitated, knowing that despite our remote location we'd probably still attract attention. Edward squeezed my hand and offered me a reassuring smile as we wandered toward a small building surrounded by hazy plumes of smoke.

"Think of it this way, even though I'll probably be recognized at some point during our stay, at least we won't have to worry about attracting large crowds of people because unless somebody hires a boat or private plane, they're not going to be able to find me," he teased, alluding to the cluster fuck that was Twitter. It was unbelievable. Edward and I could be having lunch in a small, no-name dive with hardly a sole in sight, but if just _one_ person happened to notice him and tweet about it, within minutes the brigade of frenzied fangirls would arrive.

"Don't be so sure," I laughed as we stepped up to what was now recognizable as a tiny outdoor bar and grill. "I wouldn't be at all surprised if a hot air balloon full of half-crazed, screaming women set down on the beach right here on Norman's Cay," I absently mused, and Edward chuckled, rolling his eyes at my dramatics as he led me towards the bar.

"What can I do for you, boss?" A very large, but friendly bartender dressed casually in cutoff shorts and a ratty t-shirt greeted us as we took seats on stools.

"Any local beers?" Edward asked, reaching around to his back pocket to pull out the baseball cap he had stashed there and securing it on his head. I laughed softly at his attempt to go incognito.

"Sure, boss," the bartender nodded, pulling out a long neck bottle with the word _Kalik_ emblazoned across the front. He popped open the cap before handing it to Edward. "And for the lady?"

Edward gazed down at me, green eyes shining and a soft smile gracing his luminous, sun-kissed face.

"Love?"

"Hmm?" I blinked up at Edward, momentarily spellbound.

"What would you like to drink?" He asked, smirking at me as I gazed into his eyes.

"Oh…right," I said, laughing quietly at how easily sidetracked I was. "Something sweet over ice, please, but go easy on me, I'm a lightweight," I cautioned with a small laugh.

Three Bahama Mamas later I was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol as Edward and I sat back in our chairs at an old, weathered table, basking in the late-afternoon sun.

"God, I don't think I can eat another bite," Edward groaned, pushing his plate with the remains of his mushroom and Swiss burger to the center of the table. I'd barely touched my own Club sandwich, enjoying the sweet taste of pineapple, grenadine and orange juice instead. "You barely touched yours, everything all right?" I felt Edward's leg twine with mine underneath the table and I smiled at him, a lazy, thoroughly contented smile.

"I love you," I murmured and Edward chuckled.

"You're buzzed," he teased.

"That may be so, but I still love you."

Edward grinned, a smile that stretched from one ear to the next, and it would have been impossible for me to have been happier than I was in that moment. I reached across the table, taking his hand in mine and playing with his fingers.

"So, we went all of lunch with only one fan encounter. This must be some sort of a record for you," I teased as I took one final sip of my drink. I pushed it to the side then, knowing that if I had any more I might not be up for the long walk back.

"She was actually very pleasant," Edward mused, his face suddenly serious, contemplative.

"She was," I agreed, nodding.

Edward started to speak, then paused for a moment, then started to speak again, but he didn't seem able to find words. I could see he was thinking hard about something, but I had no idea what about.

"What is it?" I asked, giving his hand a gentle tug and encouraging him to share his thoughts. Edward's eyes caught mine, and he smiled softly.

"I just…I don't think I'll ever understand people's fascination with Sebastian. Don't get me wrong. I love meeting my fans, especially ones like we met today. It's just shocking to me, this community of people who are completely obsessed with Sebastian's character and by default me," he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

I sat quietly by for a moment, carefully considering what Edward had said before offering him my thoughts.

"You're wrong, you know," I whispered softly, gently brushing my thumb back and forth across the ridge of his knuckles. "People are drawn to you because of who you are, Edward and not because of the characters you portray. You're different than the others. You're warm, witty, intelligent and humble. You're authentic, and you're not impressed with Hollywood and all its offerings. You're actually a very average guy, with normal wants and desires. I think that impresses people, and makes them feel rather in awe of you," I said. Edward stared at me, a moment of silence passing before he finally spoke.

"Thank you," he murmured quietly, almost shyly, a soft, lopsided smile ghosting across his face. "Thank you for seeing _me_."

"The pleasure's all mine," I breathed seductively, playfully wagging my eyebrows at him before adding, "_Pun intended_." Edward threw his head back in laughter then, and I wasn't sure whether or not it was the alcohol or the fact that I was so blissfully happy, but I couldn't stop grinning like a crazy, love struck fool.

A little while later, Edward had paid the bill and we were headed back in the direction we'd originally come from, making our way back to our cottage. We stopped for a moment, each of us removing the articles of clothing we'd thrown on for lunch, before continuing on our trek.

"Something light for dinner tonight, yes?" I asked as Edward took my hand in his.

"Actually, I was thinking I'd have _you_ for dinner," he breathed, catching me off guard by spinning me around into his arms. He placed a decidedly unchaste kiss to my lips before breaking away and flashing me a wicked grin.

"I guess that means I'll be having you for dessert then," I countered and I watched as Edward's eyes grew noticeably darker, a gravelly sigh escaping his throat.

"Make that a promise," he growled, reaching behind me to smack my ass. _Hard_.

"Edward!" I screeched and he laughed, running ahead of me, his eyes alight with mirth, begging me to give chase. So I did, and I think I quite surprised him by my latent athleticism. I might have been clumsy, but that didn't mean I couldn't run. I caught up to him quickly, and we spent the next hour wandering leisurely along the shore, back towards our remotely situated cottage. When we arrived, we were both exhausted and without either one of us saying a word, we slipped into the master bedroom and under the cool cotton sheets and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

I awoke that evening to a cool evening breeze rustling the sheets at my feet. An errant strand of hair tickled my face and I sighed, begrudgingly opening my eyes and turning my head towards where Edward laid, nestled snug against my back.

"Hey there," Edward murmured, kissing first the tip of my nose and then the center of my lips.

"Hey yourself. Sleep well?" I wondered, and I would have been distracted by the hesitation in his response if it weren't for the fact that I could barely move. "What's with the vice grip?" I teased, wriggling my legs between his to try and loosen his hold; his grip was near painful. Edward immediately relaxed, mumbling an apology.

"Sorry about that," he spoke softly, reaching out to run his hand along my bare thigh. He took a moment to gently knead my curiously sore muscles before placing a soft kiss to my shoulder.

"I'm going to take a shower," he whispered.

"Can I join you?" I idly asked. I was slowly coming to, the haze of deep sleep lifting, and I was very aware of Edward's ever present arousal pressing firmly against my back. _A shower could be fun..._

Edward chuckled softly, gently shaking his head no.

"Patience my love," he murmured before silently slipping from the bed. I groaned in frustration, momentarily considering following after him despite his clear instruction otherwise, but I knew that he had a specific plan in mind for this evening and I wanted to let him move things along at his own pace. Instead, I stepped out onto the terrace just off of the room and admired our lushly landscaped surroundings.

Edward had rented a small, privately owned home situated on several acres of land on the remote, northwest tip of the island and the gardens were quite simply, enchanting. Vibrantly colored bougainvillea hugged a century's old stacked stone wall while citrus trees and stately palms rose proudly from the ground. A hint of lime drifted past on the breeze and I sighed contentedly, staring out at the gentle waters of the cornflower colored sea as it lapped lazily at the shore. Raising my eyes to the sky, to the brilliant moon, round and full, I smiled - a thoroughly contented smile, as I couldn't ever remember being so happy. It was so beautiful and serene here - _just_ the place Edward and I needed to be before having to part ways in a few short weeks.

"All through. Did you want to freshen up, too?" Strong arms slid around me from behind, pulling me close against warm, damp skin.

"Yes, I think I will. You realize we never even went for a swim today…seems almost sacrilegious," I mused. Edward's lips grazed my neck, placing a single soft kiss to my clavicle.

"The day's not over yet," he murmured, and I turned in his arms, curious as to what he meant by that, but he simply kissed my temple before turning and walking away. I watched as he strolled across the room, a clean pair of board shorts slung low on his hips, and I wanted nothing more than to tackle him, throwing him on the ground and fucking him senseless, but I knew I had to be patient. So I took a cold shower, instead.

Exiting the shower I felt immeasurably refreshed, dressing in a lightweight linen cover-up and nothing else before heading out into the room. It was dark, save the light of the moon that illuminated a narrow path through to the outside. I followed it, passing through the French doors and onto the terrace where Edward sat at a small table, gazing out at the horizon. He turned at my approach, standing as he beheld me and gazing at me intently, his eyes burning with desire.

"You're the most beautiful thing there is to me, did you know that?" He murmured. I met his pointed gaze, my eyes as hungry as his own and I knew in that moment we shared the same irrepressible need for each other and there would be no more waiting.

Edward held out his hand to me, and I walked to his side, taking it in my own. Silently he led me towards the water, pausing at its edge to gaze up at the moon.

"It's beautiful," I murmured, amazed by the amount of light it gave off when full.

"It's all right, but I wouldn't use the word beautiful. Not with you standing here in comparison."*

My face flushed red at Edward's words, my entire body going warm all over as he turned to face me.

"Isabella Swan, I love you, and I will spend every day of the rest of my life loving you just as I love you now. Let me make love to you, let me make you mine," he said, reaching out to place his hand atop my rapidly beating heart.

"Please," I whispered in a hush, and he gently slipped my cover-up from my shoulders, allowing it to drop to my feet. A warm, briny breeze blew between us then rustling Edward's hair, and in that moment he was quite possibly the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

"I love you, so much," I said as Edward's mouth met mine, and suddenly we were tongue and teeth, each of us desperate to be close to the other, neither one of us able to hold back. Edward pressed himself against me, his firm arousal pushing against my bare stomach, and I whimpered as he threaded his fingers through my still damp hair. Pulling me closer he claimed me with more force, and as I reached between us to palm him, he groaned into my mouth.

"God, you drive me crazy, Bella. I wanted to take this slow, but I'm…I'm not sure that I can. Please, I need to be inside you," he begged, his voice near to desperation. He pushed himself against me roughly then and I ran my hands up the outside of his thighs, reveling at the sinew and strength beneath me. This man was near faultless, his body a perfectly sculptured masterpiece, and by some miracle he was mine. Pausing at his hips, I ran my thumbs in tiny circles just below his waist, brushing gently over the soft hair there before quickly moving to undo his tie. His shorts slipped fluidly to the ground, and we finally stood together, stripped bare, each of us gazing wantonly at the other. Taking a small step forward, Edward moved his mouth to mine once more as he effortlessly lifted me from the ground and walked us out into the water.

"Is this okay?" He murmured against my lips as we slid below the surface of the tepid sea. I hummed my approval, gently kneading the skin at the nape of his neck as I marveled at the weightlessness of my body against his. Edward shifted his hips, concentric circles skimming the surface of the water as he did so, and I felt him slide against me, hovering at my entrance as he placed a sweetly soft kiss to my lips. "May I?" He asked, his eyes meeting mine in a pointed and wholly reverent gaze.

"Of course," I whispered back, and in an instant he was inside me, slipping in easily and filling me so fully that my eyes fell closed of their own volition. Bringing my forehead to his, I exhaled a shaky breath, completely overwhelmed by the intensity of my emotions. It was like this every time we were together, and I wondered, would that ever change? Would there ever come a point in time when I needed Edward _less_ that I need him today?

"Everything okay?" Edward inquired, brushing his nose against mine as he gently rocked his hips forward. I nodded, fisting my hands in his hair and tugging softly as I began moving along his length.

"Mmm…everything's fine, baby. It's just…every time we're together, it's so intense…"

Edward stilled his movements, his hands coming to tenderly cradle my face as he kissed me, softly murmuring, "it is for me, too."

And I knew in that moment that my need for Edward would never diminish, that in him I had found my home, my heart and my safe haven, and with each day that passed he would only own a greater part of me than he did the day before. I also knew that I could never be without him. I _knew_ that, yet soon I would be, and my heart momentarily constricted in my chest at the thought. But then I felt Edward move in me again, slow and sweet, and his lips on my own, alternately licking and nipping at them, and I pushed that thought aside. I didn't want to think about that…not here, not now – not ever.

"Mmm…I thought you couldn't take things slowly," I murmured, catching Edward's mouth in a heated kiss. I needed to lose myself in him, forget everything else but us and not let myself become distracted by what was to come. I felt him smile against me, grunting softly as he eased me up and down his swollen length.

"I can now that I'm inside of you," he answered me softly, bending to gently suck at my neck. He slipped from me once more, then immediately back in, and I sighed, letting myself get lost in the feel of his body as it moved in perfect rhythm with mine, the warm, salty sea rising and falling around us with each practiced thrust.

"I've never made love in the water," I noted absently, twisting my hands in Edward's hair as he thrust upward, hitting me at a new and delicious angle.

"Neither have I," he smiled wickedly, his face twisting with his own pleasure as I bit down on the sensitive skin of his earlobe.

"You don't think there are sharks do you?" I suddenly asked, only half way serious because at that moment I really didn't care whether or not there were. All I cared about was how good Edward felt and how I never wanted the feeling to end. Edward chuckled, fisting my hair in his left hand and tugging my head backwards so that my face was level with his.

"Probably," he murmured, his tongue slipping from his mouth into mine. "But I can't find it in myself to care right now," he grunted as he moved in me with more force.

"Fuck yes, baby," I moaned, pulling my hands from Edward's hair and tangling them in my own. With each firm, achingly precise thrust I felt my insides coil tighter, warmth and pleasure pulsing through me as my orgasm drew closer. I ran my tongue along my lower lip, tasting the salt from the sea, and Edward groaned, continuing to thrust harder and hitting me in exactly the right spot.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful," he gasped, watching me hungrily as I arched my back away from him and skimmed my hands across my breasts. My nipples were hard, and Edward bent forward, roughly taking one into his mouth. I drew a shaky breath, highly aroused at the feel of him suckling me, and I started to squirm, Edward's thrusts becoming more and more frantic until I knew that we were both close. I moaned, a low, throaty moan, begging Edward to take me hard, and he did, dragging his mouth from my nipple and gasping for air with desperate, clipped breaths as he slammed into me, exploding suddenly with such force that he carried me with him over the edge.

"I'm there," I cried, pinching my hard, taut nipples between my thumb and forefingers as my orgasm rocked my body hard. Edward loved to watch me touch myself and he growled at the sight, holding me close as my body gripped his in ecstasy.

"Jesusfuckingchrist, Bella," Edward panted as he rested his forehead against mine. Despite the fact our lower bodies were cloaked in water, a thin sheen of perspiration coated his skin. I nuzzled my nose against his, breathing him in as I placed whisper soft kisses to his face.

"It's perfect," I breathed in-between kisses. "So much more perfect each time." Edward sighed, not needing to say anything because I knew, _we both knew_, it was exactly the same for him.

"Shall we take this inside?" He murmured as he stood from the shallow water. I nodded silently, shivering slightly in the cool evening breeze as he carried us back inside. Without ever taking his body from mine, Edward lowered me gently to the bed, kissing me softly, slowly until he once again grew hard inside me.

"I want to worship you, always," he spoke softly, reverently as he rotated his hips in slow, purposeful circles.

"You make me feel so loved," I whispered shyly and he paused, slipping from me and ghosting his tip across my swollen sex. I shuddered at the wholly consuming sensation.

"You are. Loved like no other," he said, his beautiful green eyes holding mine in a quiet, thoughtful gaze.

Edward hoisted himself above me, supporting his weight on his forearms as he continued to tease my entrance with the tip of his erection, and though I knew he was as hungry for me as I was for him, he seemed intent on taking things slow this time . He smiled at me, a lazy, satisfied smile before lowering himself to my chest and dropping a line of sweet kisses from the valley of my breasts to the apex of my thighs. He paused there, probing my navel with his tongue before dragging it south between my thighs.

"Oh God," I groaned, fisting my hands into his hair as he swirled his tongue in slow, practiced circles around my clit. He brought me to the brink of orgasm in a matter of moments, but pulled away before I climaxed, kissing languidly down my inner thigh despite my protests.

"I want to taste you, Isabella. I want to taste every part of you, from your wet, swollen center to the delicate skin beneath your knee," Edward said while sitting back on his haunches and lifting my leg so that it rested atop his left shoulder. He eyes held steady with mine as he sucked the underside of my knee, and I gasped as he slid two fingers inside of me, pumping them slowly, in and out, in perfect harmony with his mouth. I could see him, solidly aroused, drops of liquid pooling on his head, and I wanted nothing more than to watch him come. Nothing could compare to that sight, to Edward kneeling between my knees, stroking himself as he simultaneously brought me to orgasm.

"Touch yourself," I breathed, my eyes boring into his. His tongue slipped between his lips as he took himself in his right hand.

"You like that? You like watching me touch myself, don't you?" He asked, his voice low and rough, and I mumbled a very incoherent "yes." He groaned, stroking himself harder and faster as he pushed a third finger inside me.

"It's you…it's all you, baby. All I have to do is think of you and I'm hard. When you're not with me, I stroke myself just like this, rubbing hard and fast until I come, thoughts of me fucking you driving me over the edge…"

_Fuck. _

I tensed, feeling myself lose control as I came hard around Edward's fingers. Edward watched me, my face twisted tight in pure ecstasy, and when I reached out and ghosted my fingers beneath him he cried out, his hand stilling as he spilled himself on my stomach.

"Fuck," Edward gasped as he collapsed beside me on the bed. "That was intense."

I giggled, pulling the bed sheet free and using it to wipe myself clean before tossing it to the floor.

"Why are you laughing?" Edward asked, still trying to catch his breath as he turned onto his side. Propping his head in his right hand he gazed down at me, an amused smile spreading across his perfect, beautiful face.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "You're an enigma is all. On the one hand you're this incredibly kind, caring gentleman, but then there's this other side to you, a baser side…"

Edward extended a single finger, tracing it lightly down my left cheek.

"This side, only you will ever know, my love," he murmured, and I swallowed hard, shifting uncomfortably as the space between us grew suddenly serious. Edward was no longer smiling but was instead studying me intently, and I knew what he was thinking. He was plagued by the same fears as me, and every time we came together and made love, it made the thought of leaving each other all the more difficult to bear. He wanted to talk about it. He'd tried so many times to talk to me about it. But I didn't want to. I _couldn't_.

"I'm tired," I quietly said, turning on my side away from Edward and effectively cutting him off. I listened as he exhaled, slow and steady behind me, and I felt it as his finger traced a perfectly straight line down my arm.

"We can't run from this forever, baby," he whispered softly, and I choked back the guilt I felt at the sadness in his voice. "We need to talk."

But I didn't answer him. Instead, I shut my eyes and pulled the thin cotton blanket that lay at the base of the bed over my naked body, letting Edward know that I was ready for sleep.

When I awoke the next morning I was alone, the space beside me cool to the touch, suggesting to me that Edward had been up for awhile. My heart instantly dropped to the pit of my stomach as I worried that maybe I'd been too dismissive of him last night. I realized that Edward desperately wanted to talk to me, to discuss our impending separation and what it would mean, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to talk about Edward leaving. I didn't want to discuss how it would make me feel, how lost I'd truly be without him, because I knew that if I did, the floodgates would open and I would completely fall apart.

Reluctantly, I crawled out of bed, knowing that despite my trepidation I needed to seek Edward out. I could only hope that he wasn't upset with me for shutting him out the night before. Wrapping the blanket around my still naked form, I stepped out onto the terrace, enjoying for a moment the feel of the early morning sun as it beat upon my skin. I was just about to go in search of Edward when I caught sight of him standing down by the dock, speaking to what appeared to be a local. Hurrying inside, I tossed the blanket onto the bed and slipped into a bathing suit and cover-up before wandering back outside and down towards the dock.

I reached the dock just as the local started to stroll off and I waved a friendly hello at him as he passed me by. Edward's face lit up when he saw me, and I couldn't help the goofy smile that split my face as I sidled to his side and into his embrace.

"Morning, beautiful," he murmured before kissing me softly on my lips. I knew then that last night had all but been forgotten, and I melted into his arms, eagerly returning his kiss.

"Who was that?" I asked, pulling my lips from his after a moment's time.

"That was Sidney, the caretaker. He was giving me a rundown on how to operate the skiff. I thought we might try and do some snorkeling today," he answered me.

"Caretaker?" I said, my eyes opening wide with surprise. I hadn't realized there was a caretaker on site, though now that I thought about it, it made sense. A property this size wouldn't be left unattended. I blushed as I remembered our passionate lovemaking the night before, and wondered idly if there was a chance our nocturnal activities had been witnessed by others. "And did you just say you were getting instructions on how to operate _a boat_?" I added incredulously.

Edward chuckled softly, his chest vibrating in amusement at my disbelief. "Yes, I did just say that I was receiving instruction on how to operate a boat, and don't worry," he said, before leaning in to whisper in my ear. "The caretaker's staying off property while we're here. I only called him here this morning; he wasn't around last night. Lovely shade of red, by the way," he teased, knowing full well I was embarrassed at the thought we could have been spotted. Rolling my eyes, I reached out to lightly smack Edward on the arm, and he broke free from me, laughing.

"Ha ha, I'm glad to see you find me so amusing. Only I'm not sure how hard you would have been laughing if the caretaker had caught sight of me naked on our terrace this morning," I deadpanned. Edward immediately fell silent, his eyes narrowing into thin slits as he cocked his head to the side.

"You weren't," he growled.

"Maybe I was," I teased, and Edward was on me in an instant, tackling me and taking us both to the ground.

"Would you quit doing that!" I cried, this being the second time in almost as many days that Edward had tackled me. While he was always careful to cradle me in his arms, I inevitably ended up with some bruises. Edward wasn't listening to me though. He was too preoccupied by the possessive streak that was suddenly pulsing through his veins.

"This," he said, running his hands the length of my body, "is for my eyes only."

I stared up at Edward, struggling to keep a straight face.

"It is until you invite the caretaker over without informing me first," I said very seriously. Edward paused, his eyes appraising my teasing smile as he broke out into a grin of his own.

"Come on, sweet girl," he said, planting a wet, sloppy kiss to my lips before holding out his hand and helping me to my feet. "Let's get some breakfast and get this show on the road."

One hour, a delicious breakfast of local fruit and one extremely satisfying kitchen fuck later, Edward and I were standing in the middle of the single engine, nineteen foot skiff, preparing ourselves for takeoff.

"Edward, are you sure you know what you're doing?" I asked, mildly unsure about voyaging to nearby reefs when neither one of us had ever operated a boat.

"Of course I am. What could possibly go wrong?" He said, flashing me his famous, crooked grin. It was beautiful and dazzling, and all Edward.

"Famous last words," I murmured as he turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life.

It was a beautiful day in The Bahamas, and despite my nervousness at being out in a boat with just Edward, I couldn't help but relax as we skimmed the surface of the clear blue sea headed towards nowhere in particular. Standing beside Edward, I linked my arm through his, resting my head against his shoulder and relishing in the feel of the wind rushing against my face. Glancing down at Edward's hands, sure and steady at the helm, I marveled at his ability to deftly navigate the boat.

"You're doing so good, baby," I cooed, rubbing his forearm with my free hand. Edward turned to kiss the top of my head before bending to whisper in my ear.

"And you doubted my abilities," he playfully scoffed.

_Abilities? Hmm_…I let my hand wander to the crotch of Edward's shorts where I gently gripped him, causing him to squirm. "Oh no baby, I'd never doubt your abilities," I stood on my tiptoes and breathed into his ear. Edward cast a warning glance in my direction, placing his hand over mine and moving it off to the side.

"Easy there, vixen. You don't want to distract the captain. I might steer off course and shipwreck us on a deserted island. We might never be found," he teased, and without warning, my heart momentarily constricted in my chest. How wonderful it would be to be sentenced to eternity with only Edward at my side.

"I could think of worse things," I whispered softly, and suddenly we weren't teasing anymore. Edward looked down at me, a knowing look on his face as he wrapped his free arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.

"Me too, sweet girl, me too."

A half hour later, Edward had circumnavigated the island and come to a stop beside a reef that Sidney had recommended we check out. He was currently in the bow of the boat, struggling to properly set the anchor while I sat idly by, patiently waiting for him to finish. I _had_ offered to help him of course, but he'd summarily declined my offer, muttering something about being perfectly capable of captaining his own ship. So instead, I gazed out at our surroundings, and noticed for the first time just how far from the shore we really were. Admittedly, this made me a little anxious, but I noted that the water appeared to be relatively shallow where we were and there were also several catamarans anchored close by should we find ourselves in need of any assistance. Turning my attention to the snorkeling gear that lay at my feet, I began preparing the equipment for our dive, placing a drop of de-fog into the eyeglass pieces of each mask before rubbing it in. Just as I finished rinsing the masks, Edward declared success, proudly displaying his handiwork by tugging on the line. I congratulated him before chucking him his mask and fins, and within minutes our legs were dangling overboard as we prepared to jump in.

The water was cool and refreshing as we did, and Edward reached for my hand as we slipped below the surface and set out to explore the reef. Within moments of being in the water, Edward motioned to the ocean floor, pointing out a line of warm water lobsters marching in tight formation towards the reef, but I was too distracted by the myriad of tropical fish of all colors, shapes and sizes to pay them much notice. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a green sea turtle dart under a narrow rock ledge, and I tugged excitedly on Edward's hand, pulling him with me in search of it. Nearing the shelf, I held up my hand, motioning for Edward to move slowly, but the turtle was already alerted to our presence and he shot out from under the ledge and into the open sea. Releasing Edward's hand, I decided to give chase, knowing full well I'd never be able to catch him but enjoying the rush of excitement I felt at trying. I swam free and hard for a few hundred yards before giving up and surfacing for air, gasping from overexerting myself. Edward swam quickly to my side.

"What were you trying to do?" He asked, pulling the snorkel from his mouth and positioning his mask on his forehead as he laughed aloud. "You didn't really think you'd catch him, did you?"

"No," I admitted, "but it was fun trying." I swam closer to Edward, removing my own snorkel and pushing my mask out of the way before wrapping my arms around him and pressing my lips to his. I kissed him softly before breaking away and taking note of how vulnerable we were, floating freely in the middle of the deep blue sea.

"You know a shark could appear out of nowhere and have us for lunch and nobody would be the wiser," I said. Edward shook his head at me, chuckling softly at my concern.

"What is it with you and sharks? You do realize that statistically you have a greater chance of being killed by a falling coconut than you do of being eaten by a shark, don't you?"

"Oh really," I said, highly amused by this little snippet of information. "And how do you know this?"

Edward gathered me into his arms once again, doing his best to tread water for the both of us as he brushed his lips against mine. "Because, love, I did my research. You don't really think I'd ever do anything to endanger your life, do you?" He teased. I laughed softly, sighing as Edward's tongue slipped from his mouth and into mine, gently teasing and tasting me.

"You're trying to distract me," I murmured, and I felt Edward's face lift upwards into a wide grin.

"Is it working?"

"Yes," I breathed all thoughts of sharks forgotten.

A little while later, Edward and I lay side by side on a sandbar tucked away in the wide expanse of the aquamarine sea. We'd retired there several hours ago, after an unexpected encounter with a rather large barracuda had effectively killed my desire to continue snorkeling. After having a bit of lunch, Edward had decided he needed a rest, reminding me that he'd been up since six while I had been given the opportunity to sleep in. So, I had lain down with him in the soft sand, slowly running my fingers through his hair until his gentle, quiet sighs told me that he was asleep. I wasn't really tired though, and I now lay awake, my leg draped lazily over Edward's and my head resting comfortably atop his chest as he dozed in the warm afternoon sun.

Absently fingering the whisper soft hairs on Edward's chest, I thought about our morning and how we'd swum from reef to reef, marveling at the diversity of life that surrounded us. We'd enjoyed ourselves immensely, excitedly pointing things out to each other at times, while other times simply enjoying the quiet company of the other. We'd been snorkeling for several hours when I'd spotted a perfectly formed sand dollar sitting on the bottom of the sea. I'd pointed it out to Edward, and he'd left me at the surface, diving down to retrieve it for me when an eight foot creature had stealthily gilded to my side. I hadn't noticed it at first; I was far too mesmerized by the way Edward's body moved through the water. But then a flicker of light caught my eye, the sun's rays reflecting off the gleaming white teeth of the sharp-toothed fish, and I turned to face him, doing what every other rational, man-eating carnivore fearing person would have done when faced with a menacing mouth full of razor sharp teeth.

I screamed.

Louder than I think I've ever screamed before, with one exception, of course.

Edward must have heard my muffled cries below, because he turned and looked up at me, his eyes growing wide with surprise at the torpedo shaped fish hovering by my side. In an instant he was at the surface, my sand dollar long forgotten, struggling to keep me from panicking as I practically clambered atop his shoulders.

"Calm down, Bella," he said, his voice sharp and authoritative. The fish was off in a flash, disappearing into the depths of the sea, but I wasn't so convinced he wouldn't return and feast on us for lunch.

"What the fuck was that?" I cried, clinging to Edward's neck. I pulled my mask from my face, flinging it in the water beside me. Luckily, Edward caught it before it sank lifelessly to the bottom of the sea.

"It was a barracuda," he said, quickly adding that they were curious by nature but not prone to attack. Removing his own mask from around his face, he continued. "I'm so sorry, baby; I forgot to tell you…" Edward paused, his face crinkling up with remorse, clearly hesitant to continue. I narrowed my eyes, fixing him with a pointed gaze.

"You forgot to tell me what?" I asked, slowly.

"I forgot to tell you to remove your earrings," he reluctantly admitted, unable to look me in the eye. " Sidney mentioned it to me this morning, said there were a lot of large barracudas out on the reefs and that they were attracted to shiny objects. I meant to tell you, but I forgot."

"Edward!" I half laughed, half cried. I shook my head at him, not knowing whether or not to strangle him for forgetting to mention this one very important fact, or hug him out of sheer relief that the fish wouldn't have us for lunch.

"I'm sorry you were frightened," he whispered, staring at me out of wide, puppy dog eyes that begged me to forgive him.

"You're forgiven" I sighed, leaning forward to kiss him softly on his lips. "But I think it's time to head back to the boat. I've had my fill of snorkeling for the day," I laughed, and Edward smiled against me, nodding his head in agreement.

Edward's body shifted beneath me, drawing me from my thoughts as he moved onto his side. Reaching out, he pulled me tightly against his chest before burying his face in my hair. I thought that maybe he was awake now, and waited patiently for sweet nothings to fall from his lips, but once again his soft, even sighs filled the space between us and I knew that he was still asleep. Smiling, I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist, snuggling closer to him and thinking to myself how happy I was lying here by his side under the warm, Caribbean sun. There was nothing that could compare to the feeling of being wrapped up in him, his warm skin pressed snugly to mine, his sweet breath carrying gently through my hair and his strong heart beating rhythmically against my chest. And as sleep slowly started to claim me, I gazed up at him, reaching out to run my palm along his ruddy, sun-kissed cheek as I committed every piece of him to memory. Because I knew that soon these memories would be all I had to sustain me.

"Happy New Year, love."

"Mmm…Happy New Year, baby." I slid my arms behind my head, slipping my fingers into Edward's hair and tugging hard as he slowly rocked against me from behind. Biting down on my lower lip, my eyes closed shut at the sensation of having him inside me once again, and as the fireworks sounded in the distance and the night breeze rustled the sheets I thought to myself there had never been a more perfect New Year's.

New Year's. I could hardly believe it was here. Somehow, four days had slipped by and now Edward and I were spending our remaining evening together in The Bahamas. We laid in bed, as we had all day long, living, laughing and loving as we each tried desperately to make our final moments here in our own personal paradise last. Tomorrow we would be heading home, our paradise lost, and as the evening wore one, we were becoming increasingly insatiable for each other, touching and loving each other on a near constant basis.

"Everything okay?" Edward murmured. His lips, rough and chapped from having spent days in the sun, brushed against my neck, gently sucking while his fingers skimmed up my thigh to my swollen sex.

"Better than okay, you're driving me fucking crazy," I breathed, my hands tightening their grip in his hair as I arched my back against him. He was taking his time making love to me, moving tortuously slow, slipping in and out of me with such tender loving care that it was all I could do not to cry.

"I'm so hard for you, baby, but I want to take this slow. You've got to be sore," he said, grunting softly when I disentangled a hand from his hair and moved it to where we were joined. I slipped my fingers around him, gripping his slick and hardened erection and feeling what it was I did to him, and what he did to me.

"A little, but I don't mind. I want to remember what you do to me," I sighed. Edward grew quiet, stilling inside of me as he placed a single kiss to my bare shoulder.

"You'll remember, won't you? You won't forget how I make you feel," he said, his voice suddenly small and vulnerable, and my heart ached at his words, knowing he was as frightened as I was at being forced apart.

"Never. I could never forget how you make me feel," I quietly replied before slowly pushing back against him. Edward groaned, moving in me once again, but this time with more force. Meeting him thrust for thrust, I cried out his name, telling him that I was his and that the memory of him and how he made me feel would forever be written on my heart. Moments later, Edward spilled in me, the sounds of his soft grunts and moans bringing me to my own orgasm soon after, and we lay together in bed, coated in sweat and panting heavily as we slowly descended from our highs. After a while, Edward turned me in his arms so that I lay facing him. Reaching out, he brushed my hair from my face as he nuzzled his nose against mine.

"I love you, you know. No amount of time or distance could ever change that," he said. His breath was warm and sweet, filling the space between us as he spoke.

Drawing a shaky breath, I answered him.

"You're the love of my life," I said. And I reached out to cradle his face in the palms of my hands, hoping that my touch could convey what my words simply could not - that I loved him beyond reason and that there had never been, nor would there ever be, another man for me.

But also, that I was terrified of being without him.

**Endnotes:**

Thank you so much for reading. Please take time to review!

*These are obviously SM words! I borrowed this line from _Breaking Dawn_ because it fit so perfectly and because it is one of my favorite lines from the series. No harm or copyright infringement was intended.


	32. The Darkest Hour

**Author's Notes:**

Hello again! There are a couple orders of business to attend to. First, if you haven't noticed I have changed my name from TwiMomof2Monkeys to Besotted. Second, I want to apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out, but at least I routinely give you 9 and 10 K chapters, so that should count for something, right? lol

Thanks to all of you who take the time to both read and review. I appreciate the time you invest into this story and I love hearing from each and every one of you.

Never ending thanks to my awesome beta **azure0610**. You're the best! Also, many thanks to **aerobee82** for pre-reading this chapter for me! It's sort of a pivotal chapter, so I wanted to do my best to get it right.

Dislaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 32: The Darkest Hour**

**EPOV**

"Shit," I mumbled to myself as I fumbled with my keys in my right hand. I was trying to get inside of the apartment while balancing a bag of Chinese takeout and my guitar in my other hand. My backpack was slung across my right shoulder and it kept slipping down my arm, which wasn't helping matters. I finally managed to slip the key inside the lock and open the door, only to be enthusiastically greeted by Johann. He was panting heavily, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he eagerly waited for me to pet him, and I knew I only had a few moments to rein in his enthusiasm before he would rear up on his hind legs and embrace me with his oversized front paws.

"Sit, Johann," I commanded in as authoritative a voice as I could manage. I wasn't very good at setting limits with him. I mean, who could blame him? He was alone in the apartment nearly all day long and by the time either Bella or I made our way home, he was past ready for company.

Thankfully, Johann listened and I pushed past him, skimming the top of his head with the tips of my fingers before heading into the kitchen and placing the food on the counter. I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful I hadn't dropped dinner on the way up from the car, and moved into the living room where I deposited my guitar beside the couch. Flopping down on the couch amidst a sea of cushions, I patted the space beside me and Johann jumped to my side.

I sat back and relaxed for a bit with Johann content to lie at my feet, and waited for Bella to return home from therapy. I sighed, wondering what sort of mood she would be in when she did. We'd been back from The Bahamas for nearly two weeks now, and in all honestly, things had become increasingly strained between the two of us.

I'd first noticed a change in Bella several days after our return. I was back to work during the day, but when I returned home in the evenings, she generally wasn't there. She was on campus, practicing or instructing students, she said. When I asked her whether or not she could practice at home instead, she'd given me a vague response, mumbling something about ensemble practice and the apartment being too small. I was disappointed, but I tried not to read too much into it as I knew that school was a priority for her. I also knew that as much as I wanted to spend every minute with her, that I would be leaving for Paris soon…in two days time to be exact, so maybe it was better that we hadn't had much time to spend together these past few weeks. Maybe it would help us to better acclimate ourselves to being apart from each other for three months. _Maybe…._

_Fuck._

Who was I kidding? It wasn't better. It only made matters worse as I was more anxious now than ever before about leaving Bella's side. And I really didn't know what I was more anxious about. _Her, or me._ Leaving New York was going to be very difficult for me. In three month's time it had literally become my home. I hadn't known one for so long and foolishly I'd let myself become accustomed to having a homemade meal and a warm body to come home to every night. Other than having to adjust my schedule to what was required for filming, I'd felt almost _normal_, almost _human_, for the first time in a very long time. And now, well… now it would be back to spending all my free time in a cold and lonely hotel room, eating takeout and wondering if my career choice was really worth it.

I knew I was feeling sorry for myself, but _fuck_, this was hard on me. And even if Bella didn't feel like she needed to discuss our separation, I did. I'd tried and tried to bring it up with her, thinking that at some point she'd have something more to say other than "we can't change the fact that you're leaving so please let's not dwell on it." But she never did. _Ever_. And what was even more frustrating for me was the fact that even if she didn't realize it, she was putting distance between the two of us. Staying on campus late into the evening to practice cello, leaving early in the morning to meet Alice for coffee…I wasn't stupid; I knew what she was doing. She was avoiding me and it scared the living shit out of me. What did it mean? Was this just her way of processing everything? Did this somehow make things easier for her even though it was killing me?

I didn't know, and I wanted to know, _needed_ to know what she was thinking, feeling, expecting. I sighed. If only I could read her mind. If only she'd let me in. It was times like these that I actually cursed her cello, unbelievably finding myself jealous of an inanimate object because she bared her soul to that instrument, a soul that I considered one in the same as mine. And it hurt that she wouldn't let me in and that she pretended to feel one way when I was certain she felt another, but I remained stoic in the face of our adversity, because really, what else could I do?

Johann stirred at my feet, looking up at me out of wide, expressive eyes before shifting his position so that he was now draped over my lower legs. It was mildly uncomfortable as he was a very big dog, but I let him be. I enjoyed his company and was going to miss him terribly in my time away. Reaching across to the table, I picked up my cell phone and decided to call Bella. She was running late, and I was starting to get worried, if not a bit aggravated. Bella knew that aside from tomorrow, this was my last night here in New York. I'd purposely ordered takeout tonight so that we could try and sit back and relax and enjoy each other's company without having to deal with cooking and all that it entailed. _She knew this._ We'd discussed it earlier in the day but I hadn't spoken to her since, and I wondered if maybe she'd met up with Alice…again.

I dialed Bella's number, only to sigh in frustration when it went to voice mail. I had just replaced the phone on the table when it rang, startling me and in turn Johann, who proceeded to leap from the couch and onto the floor. I grabbed the phone, certain it was Bella and anxious to know where she was, but watched as Melinda's name appeared on the screen. _Fuck_. I really needed to assign ring tones so I'd know who was calling. I hit ignore, not really wanting to talk to her at the moment. I knew what she was calling about. She was eager for me to read a script. It was a Beethoven biopic which admittedly sounded interesting, but it would require me to film in Germany for several months next fall and I wasn't ready to commit to any other films after completion of the trilogy in the spring. Melinda knew this, but she relentlessly pursued me nonetheless, telling me I was perfect for the role and suggesting I try and meet with the film's Italian producers while in France. I'd told her I'd give it some thought, but that had been several days ago and I was sure this phone call was only one of many that would follow until I finally gave her an answer. But I wouldn't do that tonight. Tomorrow maybe, but not tonight. Tonight was for Bella and for me; for us alone.

I glanced at the clock, and seeing that it was already nine o'clock I decided to go ahead and put our plates together. I could then place them in the oven on warm and when Bella arrived home we could eat. I was half tempted to eat something now; I was starving. Mei and I had grabbed breakfast together on set this morning, but I hadn't had anything to eat since. But I wanted to wait for Bella. There was something familiar and comforting about sharing a meal together with her. And while it may have sounded silly, I wanted to hold tight to our routine for as long as I could. I had just finished serving the plates when I heard a key in the lock. I smiled widely while simultaneously breathing a sigh of relief. _Bella was home. _

I was anxious to be near Bella again, all the more so after not seeing her for a full day's time, so I moved into the living room so that I could draw her into my arms the very moment she stepped inside. I was halfway to the door, my heart hammering wildly in my chest simply in anticipation of seeing her, when it slowly started to creak open. I paused in place, finding that curious. And then I caught sight of her standing in the threshold, the image of her so startling it caused me to freeze in place, my feet literally rooting my body to the floor. Bella stood there, wild-eyed and clearly frightened, her tiny frame trembling uncontrollably as she reached up to wipe at the tears that shamelessly slipped from her sad, tired eyes.

I was shocked, momentarily struck dumb as my eyes sought and immediately found hers, holding them in a wide, panicked stare. "Bella?" I tentatively whispered. My voice quivered slightly, betraying my fear. Bella stood motionless, her eyes eerily vacant as she stared past me towards some unknown spot on the wall. I wanted to run to her. My first and most overwhelming instinct was to go to her, take her in my arms and ask her what was wrong. But I couldn't, because for the first time since I'd known her, I was quite literally petrified of approaching her. She looked so fragile, as if with one whisper soft touch she might shatter into a million jagged pieces. But she also looked frightened, every muscle in her body coiled tight in defense, and like a wounded, frightened animal, I knew that if I made even a single wrong move, Bella would bolt.

"Bella…Bella baby, come here," I gently coaxed and her eyes shot to mine, as if seeing me for the very first time. Recognition and a brief plea for help flickered across her eyes as her hands started to tremble. "May I?" I asked, taking the smallest and most tentative of steps forward. But Bella immediately backed away from me, almost out into the hall, so I retreated in kind, giving her space. I knew then I'd have to change my tactics and I decided instead to try and talk to her, to try and reach her with my words when she wouldn't allow me to soothe her with my touch.

"What happened, sweet girl," I asked, my voice as calm and as smooth as I could manage. I didn't want for her to see how frightened I really was. She needed to see me quiet, composed and wholly in control because she so obviously was not. She looked to me again, freshly shed tears slipping down either cheek. This time she held my gaze.

_Progress_.

"What happened, baby?" I asked again, gently encouraging her to _just talk_. "Did something happen in therapy today?" It was ridiculous of me to ask as I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was _exactly_ what had happened. There was only one thing that could drive Bella to such obvious distress, and that was talking about her past. As strong as she was and as much progress as she'd made during these past few months, there were still moments when Bella would completely fall apart. She was really just learning how to properly cope after all, so these setbacks were to be expected. But that knowledge offered me little comfort as I stood helplessly by, a reluctant witness to Bella's seemingly depthless sorrow.

"She wants me to go back. She wants me to go back to the scene of the accident…to the bottom of the ravine." Bella spoke so softly, it was nearly impossible for me to hear her. But I did, and as the weight of her words hit me I realized the situation was so much worse than I had imagined. My blood ran cold. What the fuck had Olivia been thinking? How could she have suggested this type of thing to Bella mere days before I was scheduled to leave? Bella was emotionally fragile enough as it was without the added stress of having to process something of that magnitude - because that was a big fucking deal for Bella. To return to the place where her life had been so mercilessly stolen from her and her innocence and youth shattered would require an immense amount of strength – strength which Bella just didn't have right now.

I watched as Bella's shoulders slumped forward in defeat, quiet sobs causing her tiny frame to shudder and shake. She looked so fragile, so sad, so broken, more so than ever before. And I wanted to touch her; God how I wanted to go to her and gather her in my arms, hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right. But she didn't seem to want that in that moment; she seemed to need something else, so I quickly devised another plan.

"Bella." I called her name, my voice sure and steady as I did my best to be strong for her. "I'm going to shut the door and then I'm going to take your hand and lead you to the couch where we're going to sit down and talk about this." I knew I was speaking to Bella as if she was a small child, but my gut told me that I needed to do something to try and take control of the situation before something terrible happened. I'd never seen Bella like this, so vulnerable and so scared, not even when she'd broken down and confessed to me that Xavier was her father. I was honestly worried that she might try and bolt from the apartment…because that's what Bella did. She ran from her problems. In order to circumvent that I moved slowly towards her, pausing at her side to reach out and gently shut the door.

The door clicked shut and I breathed a small sigh of relief that at least she was safe inside with me now. Beside me, Bella's breathing was erratic, and I reached out, slowly sliding my flattened hand along the length of her back. She relaxed a bit as my body made contact with hers and I was hopeful that she would let me guide her over to the couch. But when I tried to wrap my arm around her shoulder she shrugged me off, instead walking over towards where a display shelf stood and taking a framed picture of her and her family in her hand. She fingered it reverently, tracing the profiles of her mother and her brother with one hand while holding the frame in her other.

"I thought this would get easier," Bella whispered softly, her voice eerily devoid of any emotion. "I thought that with agreeing to see Olivia, and with a little bit of time, that somehow this nightmare that I live every day would go away. But it's not going away, and it's not getting any easier. It's so much harder every day in fact, and it's _not_ because I'm not trying, because I am…I'm trying _so fucking hard_. But it doesn't seem to matter. And now…now you're going away and I'm going to be all alone. How am I going to manage? How?"

My heart cracked in half at Bella's words, my eyes falling shut as I breathed in deeply, trying hard not to succumb to the torrent of emotions that wracked my body from the inside out. For weeks I'd been trying to talk to Bella about my leaving. _Weeks_. But she'd refused. And now, less than forty eight hours before I was due to board a plane for Paris, she was giving in, finally admitting to me just how frightened she really was. Only now we were dealing with so much more than just my departure. And I found myself increasingly angry with Olivia for having laid so much on Bella at a point in her life when she was obviously fucking vulnerable.

"I can't do this anymore."

_Wait…what?_ I opened my eyes, a rush of panic sweeping through me as I processed what she had just said. She couldn't do this anymore? What the fuck did that mean? I started to lose my very tentative grip on control then, the very thought that she could possibly be referring to _us_…to _our relationship_, nearly causing me to empty the entire contents of my stomach on to the living room floor. In an instant I was closing the distance between us, desperate to touch Bella, to turn her towards me and look into her face and make her understand _that_ was not an option.

The sound of shattering glass stopped me in my tracks.

"I can't do this anymore!" Bella screamed, her body trembling with long buried rage. She'd thrown the picture. Bella had thrown the picture of her family she'd been holding only moments before and it had narrowly missed the neck of her cello before slamming into the piano. Now, much like Bella's life, the frame lay scattered in jagged, unrecognizable pieces about the floor. Scared didn't even begin to cover what I felt. I was fucking _petrified_ in that moment. This was a side of Bella I'd never seen before, a side driven by the darkest and most feral of emotions - fury, and I could do nothing more than stand by and watch helplessly as her body physically shook with her efforts to contain it.

"I was fine," she whimpered, her voice dropping several octaves to a soft hush as her shoulders slowly slumped forward. "I was doing just fine before…"

_No, she wasn't. She wasn't going there…_I pressed the heels of my palms into the sockets of my eyes and applied so much pressure a thousand points of light blurred my vision.

"Stop," I warned her, palms firmly rooted in place as I shook my head in despair. I refused to let her finish speaking because _I knew_ – I knew damn well that was _exactly_ where she was going and _what_ that implied and I was certain she didn't mean it. I knew for a fact I didn't fucking want to hear it, even if she did. "Please, just stop before you say something you regret, Bella." My voice took on a distinctly pleading tone towards the end and I willed her with all my might to just turn around and _look_ at me, to see how much this was killing me and to see that all she had to do was take two steps forward and come to me, and together we'd try and find a way through. But she remained rooted in place, her back turned to me, killing me slowly with her refusal.

"It's the truth, Edward."

The air left my lungs in a panicked whoosh; I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I would have rather died a thousand fucking deaths than hear those words fall from her lips, and for a fleeting moment, I lost all hope. Despite everything, despite how much I loved Bella and how much I knew she loved me, I thought that perhaps love just wasn't enough and that Bella did in fact really feel that way…_that_ _she'd been better off_…but as quickly as the feeling gnawed its way into my conscience I immediately beat it back, because deep down, where my feelings ran pure and true, I knew it couldn't be so. I knew Bella was just frightened and lashing out defensively at the one thing she knew she could, at the one person she knew would never abandon or forsake her in her darkest hour. And that was me.

"You're wrong," I spoke firmly, clearly, the strength of my unwavering conviction in the truth of those two words evident in my tone of voice. And though I knew she would be furious with me for challenging her, I was firm in my belief there was no other choice. "You weren't fine, Bella. You were in hiding, completely shut off from everything and everybody and running from your feelings just like you're running from them now. But you can't run from love, sweet girl. No matter how hard you try, you can't escape what we feel for each other. And I'm sorry this is so difficult for you. I'm so sorry that having a relationship with me has meant you've been forced to confront painful feelings…"

Bella whirled around to face me then, her eyes wide and feral, her face contorted in absolute disbelief. "Forced me to have to confront painful feelings?" She wailed, and I was so stunned by the ferocity of her words that I took a step backwards, away from her, eyeing her cautiously as she continued to seethe. "You don't know, Edward! You have no fucking clue what I'm going through! Imagine for a moment how you would feel if the roles were reversed…if you were the sole fucking survivor of a horrific car crash that had killed both Esme and Emmett. And then…" Bella paused, hiccupping as she attempted to speak through the torrent of sobs that wracked her tiny frame. "And then, somebody told you that you needed to return to the scene of the accident, to relive the single event you'd spent years trying to forget…tell me how you'd feel Edward! Tell me!" She demanded.

I stared at Bella, at her flared nostrils and heaving chest and swallowed thickly as I searched for words to say. Truthfully, I didn't think there was anything I could say in that moment that wouldn't set her off any further and I felt myself becoming increasingly enraged with Olivia. How in the fuck could she have done this to Bella? Did she not fucking get how emotionally fragile she was? All the progress Bella had made, all the effort she'd put forth into trying to constructively deal with what happened and move forward with her life suddenly felt as if it had been cruelly wrenched away from her. It felt as if we were back where we'd first began; back to square one.

"You can't, can you?" She bitterly challenged. "That's because you don't know! Nobody knows! And I can't…I just can't do this anymore! I want to go back. I want to go back to the way it was before." Bella stared at me then, her eyes stone cold, her gaze pointed and purposeful, and issued me a chillingly clear challenge – the challenge to just walk away. I searched her eyes, desperate to see some crack in her façade, pleading with her to give me some sign that this wasn't what she wanted, but there was none. She turned from me, walking over to the piano and bending down to pick up the pieces from the shattered frame.

And it happened.

I cracked. _I fucking cracked_.

All these months, I'd tried so hard to give Bella the benefit of the doubt. I'd tried so hard to love and support her and be whatever it was she needed me to be in order to get though, but I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't fucking do it anymore.

"Enough!" I roared as I started to shake in place. "Enough! Are you _trying_ to hurt me? Are you purposely trying to push me away so that I'll leave you?" Bella froze in place at my words, crying out in anguish as she stumbled to her feet. Her distress was palpable as she ran across the living room and through her bedroom door. I stood, stunned, as she slammed the bathroom door, never once turning back to acknowledge me.

"Bella!" I cried out as I sprinted after her. Reaching the bathroom door, I twisted the handle only to find that it was locked. "Bella!" I called her name more forcefully, pounding on the door with my left hand as I continued to shake the handle with my right. "God damn it, Bella, open the door! Please," I begged. "Please, don't shut me out like this. Please…please just let me in…" I waited impatiently for her to answer me, praying to every fucking deity that came to mind that she would, but the only sound I heard was that of her heartbreakingly ragged sobs. Banging my forehead against the door, I whispered one last desperate plea for her to just _let me in_ before turning my back to the door and slowly slipping against the smooth, wooden surface to the cool floor below. And it was then that it caught my eye, and I wasn't quite sure how I'd missed it before, but in an instant I went from feeling frustrated and frightened to being completely consumed by all out panic.

I leapt up from where I sat and roughly shook the door handle once again, even though I knew it would still be locked. "Bella!" My cries took on a more desperate tone now and I begged her to answer me when I asked her if she was all right. She didn't answer though, and not knowing what else to do I ran into the living room, grabbed my phone off of the coffee table and called Alice. She answered on the second ring.

"Hey there! What's up?"

"There's blood! Jesus, Alice…there's blood!" The words tumbled forth from my mouth before I even had a chance to say hello.

"What!" Alice screeched, her normally relaxed and cheerful voice quickly giving way to sheer panic. "What are you talking about? Edward, where are you? Oh my God! Where's Bella?" I could hear the terror in her voice and the panicked sob that caught in the back of her throat and I immediately knew I had to calm the fuck down. Panic was a disease that spread like wildfire and neither Alice nor I would be of any help to Bella if we both succumbed to it. I took a deep breath before continuing.

"She's in the bathroom and she's locked the door, Alice. She came home from therapy tonight and we got into a fight. She broke a picture frame and I…I think she may have cut herself on the glass, but I don't know! She won't answer me, Alice. She won't fucking answer me!" I took a deep breath, trying to steady my shaking hands. I walked back into the bedroom and banged on the bathroom door again, begging Bella to answer me, but she said nothing.

"What were you two fighting about?" Alice asked. I was pacing back and forth in front of the bed now, frantic with fear and desperate to get to Bella to make sure she was all right. I ran my left hand up into my hair, tugging it roughly as I attempted to clear my muddled thoughts and _think_ of a way inside.

"Olivia suggested Bella return to the scene of the accident and it sent her over the edge," I answered Alice distractedly. "She started talking nonsense, saying things I knew she didn't mean, and I tried not to let it get to me but I couldn't take it anymore and I yelled at her. Oh God, I yelled at her, Alice!" I cried, nearly falling to my knees at the sharp pang of remorse that shot through me. The line was silent for a moment's time before Alice spoke again, and when she did, she addressed me firmly and clearly, taking definitive control of an otherwise out of control situation.

"Listen to me, Edward. You have to get in there. Pick the lock, unscrew the handle from the door or break the fucking thing down. It doesn't matter, just get to her. Do you hear me? She can't be left alone." Alice's words, delivered authoritatively yet with an unmistakable urgency sent a shiver down my spine.

"Ye…yes," I stuttered, my eyes scanning the room for something I might use to pick the lock – a bobby pin or paper clip. Anything…

"I'm leaving my apartment now. I'll be there as quickly as possible. But Edward, you have to get to her." A single strangled cry caused me to jerk my head and the phone slipped from my hand and to the floor before I even had a chance to answer Alice.

"Bella!" I frantically screamed as I lurched towards the bathroom door, furiously pounding it with both of my fists. My mind was racing, a million different thoughts battling for dominance at the very same time. I had to get inside. _I had to fucking get inside_. But how? Without thinking, I pivoted around, tucking my right arm snug against my chest and drawing a deep and ragged breath as I surged forward and slammed my shoulder against the door. I winced in pain, a sharp crack splitting the air as bone made contact with wood, but much to my dismay, the door didn't budge. I realized I needed to come at it with more force so I took several steps back before surging forward again, pivoting to the left just before my shoulder made contact with the door. I cried out as pain ricocheted through my shoulder, spiraling downward through my arm, but the definitive give of the door acted as a temporary analgesic. _One more time_, I thought to myself. I was certain that with just one more…

_Crack_. My shoulder hit the door with such great force it ripped the molding from the threshold. I stumbled forward, frantically trying to regain my balance as the door swung open in an angry whoosh. Reaching out with my left hand, I slapped the palm of my hand against the cold, tiled shower wall, stabilizing myself as my eyes frantically sought Bella's. I found them, my own locking with hers and my heart cracking in half at the defeated, despondent girl curled tight into a corner between the toilet and the tub. She was shaking uncontrollably, cautiously cradling her right hand in her left. Blood trickled past her fingers staining her shirt a crimson red, and from the size of the nauseating stain I could see that the wound ran deep. But that wasn't what caused my own blood to instantly run cold.

"Bella!" I gasped aloud, swiftly moving to her side while doing my best to ignore the raging pain in my shoulder. "Your bow hand!" I cried.

A sickening feeling washed over me as I realized that Bella had seriously injured her right hand – the hand she created such beautiful music with. The hand she communicated her deepest and most fiercely guarded feelings. I tried not to panic as her eyes momentarily left mine, swiftly sweeping over her damaged hand. When they met mine again, what was normally soft and warm was instead frightened and wide and I knew in that moment she understood the seriousness of the situation. Tears burned my eyes as I fell to my knees before her and tentatively reached out to her with a trembling hand. I was terrified she would refuse me as she had all night long, but blessedly she didn't. Instead, she tucked her head into the crook of my neck and clutched my shirt in her left hand as I folded myself around her.

"I didn't mean it," she hiccupped, crawling up into my lap and burying herself against me as she sobbed into my neck. I sucked in a sharp breath as I tried unsuccessfully to wrap my right arm around her, opting instead to hold her more tightly with my left. "I didn't mean it Edward!" She wailed. "I could never go back to before I met you. I'm just so scared to move forward." Bella's voice dropped an octave as she whispered her truest fears and she sounded so vulnerable and so sad that all I wanted to do was protect her. The problem was, I just didn't know how.

I thought I'd been doing that, supporting her in her recovery as best I could by always being there for her with a solid shoulder to cry on, warm arms to embrace her or a sympathetic ear to listen to her. But I realized with a sinking feeling that hadn't been enough because _this_…Bella's frightened, defeated body clinging furiously to my own…_this_ was not just the result of Olivia's untimely suggestion that Bella return to the very spot her life had arguably ended. _No_. I knew without a doubt that _this_ was the result of weeks and weeks of pent up frustrations and fears surrounding my departure and I choked back the burning guilt I felt as I realized that this situation we were in right now was just as much my fault as it was hers. I'd let it slide. I hadn't pushed her to talk about how she was feeling even when I'd known it was for the best. I'd been a coward, and now Bella was suffering because of it.

"Shhh, shhh," I soothed, smoothing back Bella's hair from her face. "I know you didn't mean it, I'm not angry with you sweet girl. I'm just worried about your hand. Would you let me have a look at it?" She shook her head furiously _no._

"Bella, please," I pleaded, gently tugging it from where it lay entombed beneath her left hand. Bella peered up at me out of worried, child-like eyes, a single tear slipping down her splotchy cheek as she reluctantly withdrew it and showed it to me. I gasped, my eyes momentarily falling shut as I very quickly deduced the severity of the cut. Without a doubt, Bella would need stitches. Tears welled in Bella's eyes as she carefully appraised the wound, gingerly cradling it back against her chest once she was done.

"We need to go to the hospital, Bella," I said, and Bella tensed in my arms.

"No." Her tone was firm…resolute. "There are some butterfly bandages in the cabinet below the sink. I'll make do with those," she added, her shaky voice betraying her nervousness.

"Are you kidding me?" I barked. The words came out all wrong, but I couldn't believe she was being so flippant about an obviously serious cut…_to her bow hand nonetheless_. Bella turned cold, pointed eyes on me, pushing me away from her as suddenly as she'd allowed me in.

"Do I look like I'm kidding," she said icily, and just like that, her walls were back up. Just then I heard a disturbance in the front room and I offered up a silent prayer of thanks as Alice's shrill voice cut through the uncomfortable silence.

"Bella! Edward!"

Bella's eyes shot to mine, a flash of anger and hurt passing through them before they once again turned cold. "You called Alice?" She seethed, and I studied her curiously, confused as to why this seemed to upset her. Before I could respond, Alice appeared in the doorway, stopping short when she saw Bella crouched defensively against the wall.

"Sweet Jesus," she exclaimed as she drew a ragged breath, and I watched in horror as Alice's eyelids started to flutter closed and all color drained from her face. Reaching out to steady herself on the corner of the vanity counter she yelled for Jasper, and just as I was struggling to get to my feet to catch her if she was to faint, he appeared in the doorway, folding Alice's sinking body into his.

"Jesus Christ, Edward, what the fuck is going on?" Jasper quickly surveyed the scene before him. I followed his eyes as they traveled from my blood stained clothes over to where Bella lay crumpled on the floor.

"Bella's cut her hand," I said, stating the obvious. "She needs to go to the hospital."

"No!" She all but roared, curling into herself even more. She was shaking uncontrollably again and I tried to lay a soothing hand on her back but she flinched away from my touch.

"She doesn't want to go," I said, looking first to Jasper and then to Alice, who thankfully seemed to have recovered from her momentary bout of dizziness.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just…there's so much blood…" Alice's eyes fell closed as she took a deep breath. She exhaled slowly before opening them again and when she did, they were focused on Bella.

"Get up, Bella," she demanded, and I was caught off guard by the degree of authority and lack of emotion in her command. Bella turned steely eyes on Alice and shook her head slowly, deliberately, _no_. Alice took several steps towards Bella, stopping right in front of her before stooping down and staring straight into her eyes.

"This isn't a choice, Bella," she whispered softly and Bella's eyes welled up with tears as she continued to shake her head _no_.

"Please, Alice…" The words fell from Bella's lips in a strangled plea, but Alice didn't budge, instead reaching out to try and grasp Bella by her good hand.

"Leave me alone!" Bella screamed, yanking her hand from Alice's and Jasper and I both stepped forward then to try and lend assistance.

"Bella, why are you being like this?" I asked, desperate to understand what was going on. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why Bella was so adamantly refusing to go to the hospital. She was hurt badly, her hand continuing to spill blood as I spoke.

"Bella doesn't like hospitals." Alice answered my question for me. "They trigger flashbacks," she clarified, looking over her shoulder at me and casting me a sorrowful glance. She turned back to Bella then, tentatively reaching out to brush a wayward lock of hair from her face but Bella flinched away. I listened as Alice took another deep breath, steeling her resolve to get Bella to a hospital.

"Bella do you understand what's happened here? Do you not see that the center of your hand is bleeding profusely from a seriously deep cut? You're a cellist, Bella. You need your hands to play your instrument. Imagine what it will be like if you can't play anymore. You know what? You don't even have to imagine. Just think back nine years. Do you remember how awful that was for you when you weren't able to play? We need to get you to a hospital so that a doctor can look at your hand and make sure that doesn't happen again."

I stood by, stunned by the very matter-of-fact, if not condescending delivery of Alice's words, and at first I didn't understand her manner of approach. But as I thought about it, I realized that Bella was not really of rational mind right now, and that perhaps the best thing for her was to have somebody point out the cold, hard facts in the hopes that maybe she'd relent and willingly allow us to take her to the hospital. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. Alice again reached out to try and help Bella to her feet, but Bella simply curled into a ball, burying her head between her knees and whimpering _no_. Turning to me, Alice sighed, her patience obviously wearing thin.

"I'm going to need your help, Edward," she said before brushing past me and Jasper and into the living room. She returned a moment later with a small Ziploc bag, inside which lay a single white pill.

"What's that?" I nervously asked.

"2 mg of Ativan," Alice informed me. I froze in place as Bella simultaneously jerked her head up from between her knees. She glared at Alice, her eyes liquid ire.

"Alice, I…I'm not so sure that's the best idea. Bella doesn't like to take medication…"

"I know she doesn't," Alice spat, "but unless you have a better idea other than to drag her kicking and screaming from this apartment, I suggest you help me give her this pill _now_. She needs to go to the hospital, Edward, and she won't go willingly, not as long as she's this worked up." I drew a shaky breath, glancing first to Jasper, who stood solidly by Alice's side, and then over to Bella, who'd now turned her glare on me.

"Don't," she warned as I hesitantly stepped towards her.

"Baby, please," I pleaded, wincing at the pain in my shoulder as I once again dropped to my knees in front of her. Bella inhaled sharply, noticing for the first time that I was hurt. She reached out to me then, her body trembling with the effort, and gingerly touched my shoulder.

"You're hurt," she whispered, and a fresh round of tears sprung to her eyes. I took advantage of her brief moment of weakness and curled her body against my chest.

"Bella, please take the pill. It'll make this so much easier for you. We have to go to the hospital, baby, one way or the other. Please, I don't want to force you to take it, but if I have to, I will." I hated that I had to say that to her and I looked up at Alice, beside myself with despair, wishing that there was some other way to do this, but I knew from her very solemn expression that there wasn't. All at once, Bella's body went limp, and I looked down at her to see her mouth sagging open. She was relenting, giving in. Slowly, she raised her tongue and as I held her to me, Alice bent down and placed the pill under it.

"Close your mouth, honey," Alice gently instructed as she swept two fingers under Bella's chin. They lingered there, gently massaging the soft skin at the base of her throat for a moment's time before Jasper pulled her to her feet.

"How long?" I asked, first looking at Bella's hand which thankfully seemed to have stopped bleeding and then to Alice, who now stood in the mangled threshold of the door, leaning against Jasper for support. I noticed that she really didn't look well.

"Let's give it thirty minutes. She doesn't seem defiant anymore but we can't be sure, and I don't want anybody getting hurt." Alice paused for a moment before continuing. "Edward, what happened?" She asked, completely exasperated. I shook my head slowly back and forth while at the same time shrugging my good shoulder.

"I really don't know. For some unfathomable reason, Olivia felt it was a good time to suggest to Bella that she return to the scene of the accident." I felt Bella tense in my arms at my words and Alice waved a small hand at me, her silent gesture telling me there was no need for me to continue. I watched as Alice's eyes fell closed then, her face pinching up tight into what could only be described as unadulterated rage, and I realized that Alice felt just as angry about Olivia's obvious lack of discretion as I did. Clenching my jaw, I tried to diffuse some of the very same fury that Alice felt as it rushed through me, but the beautiful, broken girl lying listlessly in my arms was a constant reminder of the damage that had been done. And while now wasn't the time to hash this out, I promised myself that as soon as we returned home from the hospital I'd call Olivia and have it out with her. Enough was enough. I knew that there would be difficult times for Bella while in therapy but a person could only take so much, and Bella had been pushed past her limits tonight, in every conceivable way. I wanted to do whatever it was I had to in order to make certain that would _never_ happen again.

Nearly seven hours later, Jasper helped me carry Bella up the stairs to her apartment. I would have been the one to carry her but as it turned out, I'd sustained a fracture to my clavicle and my right arm was in a sling. Bella was sleeping, albeit it fitfully since the Ativan had yet to wear off. We'd left Alice downstairs in Jasper's car and I knew he was anxious to get back to her as soon as possible, so immediately after entering the apartment and laying Bella on the bed I walked him to the door, gripping his shoulder firmly in sincere thanks for his help.

"Thanks, man. I'm not sure what I would have done if you and Alice hadn't of shown up to help me." Jasper nodded, reaching out to pull me into a loose embrace.

"Anytime. We all love Bella, Edward, and we want what's best for her. I know it's been rough going for the two of you, and Alice has had to step back from it all because, well…her health really isn't all that good right now and I don't think the added stress is good for her. We're just so grateful she has you, but I want you to know that we're always here if you need us, okay?" I awkwardly hugged Jasper back with my one good arm before letting him go.

"I know," I said, offering him my hand in a final farewell. Jasper gripped it firmly, shaking it once before tipping his head at me and ducking out the door.

"Call us later today and let us know how she's doing," I heard him call from down the hall as I pushed the door closed behind me. I sighed, scrubbing my face with my left hand as I collapsed onto the couch. It had been an incredibly long night and I was well past exhausted. As I sank back into the cushions I thought back to our time in the ER. We'd arrived just before midnight after calling ahead to let them know that we were on our way. Really, we simply wanted to advise them of _my_ arrival to give them time to secure a private room where we could wait to be treated in peace. Thankfully, they had been very accommodating, nobody wanting to risk the chance of my presence inciting a fan frenzy, and we'd been whisked off to a private room as soon as we arrived. Of course, the special treatment my celebrity status afforded me more or less stopped there, and we subsequently waited several hours before a doctor finally saw us. Thankfully, Bella slept in my lap the entire time.

A little after two in the morning we'd finally been seen by a doctor who called for a consult from a hand surgeon. After carefully inspecting Bella's wound, the surgeon determined that Bella had suffered a lacerated flexor tendon and recommended we schedule surgery to repair it as soon as possible. Bella, still all but passed out from the Ativan, hadn't responded when the surgeon delivered his prognosis. I, on the other hand, had very nearly thrown up. The doctor watched as my face lost all color and when I'd explained to him that Bella was a cellist, he'd immediately understood why. He'd been honest with me, telling me that there was a small chance this injury would cause permanent damage and that Bella might have trouble continuing to play cello at her current level, but he was hopeful that with the hands of a skillful surgeon and subsequent rehabilitative therapy this wouldn't be the case.

After treating Bella, the attending physician had turned his attention on me, insisting I have my shoulder X-rayed before leaving the hospital. I was hesitant at first, hoping that with several Tylenol and a good night's rest I'd be just fine. But I realized that wouldn't be the case when the doctor had tried to rotate my arm and I cried out in pain. Several X-rays later, the doctor determined I had sustained a mild fracture to my right clavicle and informed me I would need to wear a sling for the next several weeks. Now, as I lay back on the couch, the searing pain I'd felt before having been reduced to no more than a dull throb thanks to Vicodin, I debated whether or not I should call Melinda and tell her what had happened. I decided against it, choosing instead to try and catch Olivia Frank. It was early; perhaps too early for her to be in her office just yet, but I figured I would take my chances, leaving a message with her answering service if necessary.

Getting up from my seat on the couch, I peeked in on Bella who still appeared to be sleeping, her carefully bandaged hand by her side. Satisfied that she was fine, I walked back out into the living room and over to her purse. Reaching inside, I pulled out Bella's phone and quickly scrolled through her contacts until I found Dr. Frank's number. I pushed call, waiting rather impatiently as the phone rang three, four…five times before somebody finally picked up the line. It was her answering service. _Go figure. _Realizing it was necessary to be discreet, I informed the woman on the other end of the line that I was calling on behalf of Bella Swan and that I urgently needed to speak with Dr. Frank. I had just hung up the phone when it rang in my hand, Dr. Frank's name flashing across the screen.

"Hello?" I answered the phone with a generic greeting, not wanting to give my name out until I was sure the caller was Dr. Frank.

"Yes, good morning. This is Dr. Olivia Frank. I'm returning a call to this number with regards to Isabella Swan."

I sighed in relief.

"Good morning, Dr. Frank. This is Edward…Edward Cullen, Bella's boyfriend." There was a small pause on the other end of the line before Dr. Frank continued.

"Mr. Cullen, what is it I can do for you? Is Bella all right?"

"Please, call me Edward, and to answer your question…no, she really is not all right. I really think we need to schedule an appointment to meet with you later this afternoon. There are some things we need to discuss." I tried to remain calm and collected as I spoke with Dr. Frank. I'd decided before calling her that I didn't want to get into a lengthy discussion with her over the phone. Yes, she needed to know what happened and that I felt she'd behaved entirely unprofessionally in pushing Bella beyond her obvious limits, but that conversation was better left for in person.

"Well…Edward, can you at least tell me what happened? Does Bella even know that you're calling?"

"No…and no. I don't really feel like this is an appropriate conversation for us to be having over the phone, Dr. Frank. And while Bella doesn't know that I'm calling you, I can assure you that this call is in her best interest and that I'll have her there in your office this afternoon. Just say when." Dr. Frank hesitated for only a moment before telling me to bring Bella in at three. I exhaled a small sigh of relief and I told myself that starting today, things were going to change.

_They had to_.

Bella and I could no longer move forward as we had in the past. Somehow, we needed to learn how to better communicate our feelings to each other and I had to gain a better understanding of just what it was that Bella was going through so I could better help her to cope. Because after tonight, it was clear that I'd been very naïve, assuming that because Bella had made progress in some areas that this progress extended to the entire front. It didn't, and I could no longer sit on the sidelines observing her treatment from afar. Instead, I needed to become an active participant.

Feeling hopeful for the first time since Bella walked through the door the evening before, I replaced her phone in her purse and wearily trudged into the bedroom. I didn't bother changing into sleep clothes before climbing atop the bed; I was too tired. Instead, I pulled the comforter over Bella's body and slipped in beside her. Though I longed to curl my body around hers I knew that with my arm, that wasn't possible. Instead, I settled for scooting my body as close to hers as possible and twining our free hands and legs together. I was just about to drift off to sleep, my head turned to the side and my nose buried deep in Bella's hair, when I heard my cell phone ring. I groaned, not really wanting to answer it and hoping that whoever it was that was calling would just leave a message, but seconds later the phone rang again. When I reached across the bed to the nightstand and picked it up, I saw that it was Melinda calling. I briefly debated sending her to voicemail and turning the phone off, but decided it was probably for the best that I talk to her. The new turn of events meant I most definitely would not be flying to Paris tomorrow and Melinda would need to start running damage control as soon as possible.

"Hey," I said into the phone, my voice hoarse and dry. _Fuck_. I _really_ needed sleep.

"Jesus, Edward. You sound like shit," she said, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was already worried.

"Good morning to you, too," I grumbled, annoyed.

"Edward, what's going on? I tried calling you multiple times last night but you didn't answer your phone. I was really hoping you'd given some thought to the Beethoven biopic." I sighed, unthinkingly attempting to run my right hand through my hair and wincing when I remembered my arm was in a sling.

"Yeah, well, a lot has happened over the last several hours so no, I haven't given any thought to the biopic. Melinda, we need to talk." My tone of voice was serious and immediately put Melinda on guard.

"Oh my God, Edward, what's happened?" She asked, and I could almost hear her slumping to the floor beside her bed.

"Bella hurt her hand and she's going to need surgery in the upcoming week to help fix it and um…I've also injured my shoulder…" I mumbled the last words in the hopes that maybe Melinda wouldn't hear them, but of course, she did.

"What!" She angrily screeched into my ear. I held the phone away from my head for a moment and allowed her to settle down before returning it to my ear. "What the hell happened, Edward? Did the two of you get into some sort of fight?" It was my turn to be angry.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Melinda? Did you really just say that? Because if you did, you don't know me at all," I seethed. "Bella cut her hand on a piece of glass. She locked herself in the bathroom and I had to break down the door to get to her." Melinda audibly groaned at my words and a long and deafening silence followed. When Melinda finally spoke, her voice was no more than a carefully controlled whisper.

"Are the two of you going to be all right? You realize you're due in Paris the day after tomorrow."

"Yeah, about that…I can't leave for Paris tomorrow." I hesitated for a moment before continuing, knowing full well the wrath that would befall me when I did. "I'm going to need a few more weeks, Melinda. I need you to try and push things back by a minimum of two weeks."

"Two weeks, Edward! Have you lost your fucking mind? You have a contract! You're due in Paris for pre-production starting Thursday! I've already had to push the schedule back once to accommodate your current film. I can't push it back again!" I gritted my teeth, digging in for the fight.

"You don't have a choice, Melinda. You're my agent and you're paid to deal with these sorts of situations. Make this situation right."

"Edward, it's not that easy." Her tone took on a distinctly pleading, followed by sympathetic tone. "Look, I understand you want to be there for Bella right now. I'm sorry she was hurt. But is it really necessary for you to hang around for hand surgery? Isn't there somebody else that could help take care of her for a few days?"

"It isn't that simple, Melinda," I growled, completely affronted by her words. "Without going into too great of detail, Bella's had a setback of sorts with her therapy and she's in no condition for me to leave her right now. I…" My voice began to crack as the enormity of what had happened hit me full force. _Bella had suffered a breakdown. Bella's bow hand had been severely injured…_

_Fuck!_

Several tears slipped from my eyes and I angrily brushed them away. "I won't leave her, Melinda. I won't."

There was a long silence followed by a heavy sigh. "Edward, I'm sure you can understand the position this puts me in. I'm not sure…"

"Do what you can, Melinda. That's all I can ask," I sighed in defeat.

"Okay," she quietly acquiesced a moment later and I breathed a quiet thank you in reply.

Melinda and I spoke on the phone for several more minutes. She was concerned that the press had seen me coming or going from the hospital, but I assured her they hadn't. She then told me she'd put together a press release using a hiking accident to explain our injuries and I told her I thought that would be fine but that I needed to speak with Bella first before she released it to the media. I also warned Melinda that over the course of the next several weeks I'd be attending therapy with Bella and while I'd take care to be discreet, there was a chance I'd be photographed entering or leaving Dr. Frank's office. Melinda grumbled about that for a moment before agreeing we'd simply cross that bridge when we came to it.

After saying goodbye to Melinda, I tossed the phone on the bed beside me. Thoroughly exhausted and ready for sleep, I scooted back beside Bella who was now sleeping on her side. But when I pushed my body flush against hers, I realized that something was wrong. Bella was shaking.

"Bella?" I sat back up, anxiously peering over her shoulder only to find tears streaming down her cheeks. She was awake.

"You can't do this, Edward," she whispered softly between quiet sobs. "You can't stay. You have a job to attend to, professional obligations…"

_Fuck_. I'd thought she was asleep, but that obviously wasn't the case and she had heard my conversation with Melinda. I knew she wasn't happy with me, but my mind was already made up.

"Shhh," I said as I awkwardly tried to fold myself around her and comfort her.

"I won't leave you in your darkest hour, Bella. Please don't ask me to. I love you and I'm here for you and starting today we're going to find a way to make things better."

And I meant every word that I said.

**Endnotes:**

Please leave a review and let me know what you think!


	33. Forging a New Path

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks to my wonderful beta **azure0610** for her invaluable input into this story. You're the absolute best! Also, great thanks to **aerobee82** for graciously agreeing to pre-read this chapter for me!

Thank you to everyone who both reads and reviews this story! I sincerely appreciate any and all feedback I receive and I greatly look forward to hearing from you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

**Chapter 33 – Forging a New Path**

**BPOV **

The sun was shining brightly through the partially opened blinds when I finally managed to open my eyes. I felt strangely groggy, as if I'd been asleep for days yet hadn't really rested. I yawned and stretched my arms, only to gasp aloud at the sharp pain that shot through me from my hand all the way to my shoulder. Slowly, I drew my hand in front of my face, carefully examining it. It was heavily bandaged, white gauze wrapped in thick layers around my palm. I tried to wiggle my fingers but found I could barely move three of them.

_My bow hand._

Tears welled in my eyes as memories of the night before flooded my mind. Cutting my hand on the glass, yelling at Edward, Edward yelling back…

_"Are you trying to hurt me? Are you purposely trying to push me away so that I'll leave you?"_

Even now, I recoiled sharply at his words, the realization that was _exactly_ what I had been unwittingly doing - sabotaging my relationship with Edward and by default, myself, cutting me to the core. It hadn't been clear to me before I'd been doing that, and it _hadn't_ been intentional. I could think of no worse fate than for Edward to leave me. But the last several weeks had been extraordinarily difficult for me as I tried my best to remain strong. I didn't want to talk about Edward leaving; I didn't want for him to see how frightened I really was because I worried he'd find some excuse to stay. And though that's what I wanted above all else, it was wrong of me to want that and it would have been wrong for Edward to have stayed…

But he was staying now, anyway. _For me._ Even when I'd shouted hurtful words at him, lied to him and told him I'd been better off before him, he was staying with me, standing by my side and supporting me when I needed him most. I really didn't deserve Edward - his steadfast love and devotion and his fierce loyalty, and sitting there on the bed, staring at his tired, troubled face, I knew I had to reach deep within myself and somehow find the strength to pull myself back together because I didn't want to lose him. Above all else, _more important_ than the acute pain I felt at losing my mother and brother, _more important_ than the oppressive guilt I battled that the accident was somehow my fault and _more important_ than the distinct fear I felt at Olivia's suggestion I return to the scene of the accident…more important than _all of those things_ was my relationship with Edward.

Edward sighed in his sleep. His face, usually so peaceful and serene, was now pulled taut, worry lines shadowing the crease between his brows. He lay on his back, his right arm tucked carefully against his side, and a sharp twinge of remorse twisted my gut as the reality that I'd caused Edward to injure his shoulder hit me like a Mack truck. Taking care not to disturb him, I reached out with my left hand, gently rubbing up and down the length of his injured arm before carefully tucking the covers around him. I stared at him for a moment, wiping the liquid from my eyes as I bent to kiss him before leaving the room.

I wandered out into the living room, immediately noticing that the shattered glass had been cleaned up. I was momentarily overwhelmed by an acute sense of shame at my actions the night before, embarrassed that I'd lost such control. That wasn't like me; that wasn't like me at all. But I hadn't anticipated Olivia suggesting I return to the scene of the accident and when she did, something inside me snapped. My eyes roamed across the room, over to the piano where the picture I'd nearly destroyed now sat in a frame I recognized as coming from my room.

_Alice must have reframed the picture for me. _

In an instant I was across the room, fumbling with my purse to withdraw my cell phone and call my best friend. I tried to ignore the throbbing pain in my right hand as I awkwardly pressed speed dial, but it was nearly impossible. The sharp, steady burn was an unwelcome reminder of the damage I'd done. The phone rang several times before it went to voicemail. I hung up, knowing she was deserving of so much more than a recorded apology, and decided to call her later.

Setting the phone back in my purse, I reached out to pet Johann who had remained by my side since I'd pulled myself from my bed.

"I'm sorry about last night, buddy," I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. I sunk to my knees then, wrapping my arms around Johann and burying my face in his neck. He whimpered a little, his warm, fat tongue licking away my tears. We sat there like that for a bit, me seeking solace in a friend whose love was unconditional and Johann all too willing to provide it. Eventually, I collected myself and rose to my feet before heading into the kitchen to give Johann food and fresh water.

As I entered the kitchen, I noticed Chinese food containers spread about the countertop and a fresh wave of remorse punched me in the stomach as I remembered that Edward and I were supposed to have dinner together last night. After feeding Johann, I disposed of the containers and swore to myself that somehow, someway I would make things up to Edward. I had to try and fix this mess I'd unconsciously created. The problem was I just didn't know how. Whereas before I'd managed to get by, diligently exerting as much control as possible over my often turbulent emotions, now I felt completely out of control, desperately wanting to, but completely incapable of reigning in my feelings or accompanying reactions. I'd expected things to be difficult once I began therapy, but I _never_ imagined they'd be _this_ hard. I felt like I was in over my head, as if I was adrift at sea in the middle of a raging storm with no land or beacon in sight.

I considered all of this as I wandered back out into the living room, instinctively drawn to the one thing I knew I could always turn to when everything just got to be too much.

_My cello. _

It stood where it always did, propped proudly in its stand, its decades old wood gleaming brilliantly in the bright afternoon sun. It called to me, beckoning me to come and play, and I listened, as I always did, crossing the room and carefully removing it from its stand before sitting down in an adjacent chair and propping it between my knees. With a heavy sigh I plucked my bow from the music stand and attempted to wrap my fingers around it, only to be met with searing pain. Still, I persevered and managed to grip it, but my hand trembled with the effort it took and my hold was very clumsy. When I drew the bow across the strings the sound was dull and crass, nothing like the lush, lustrous tone I was accustomed to, and I couldn't help the warm tears that prickled my eyes as I realized what exactly I'd done.

I could not play the cello.

My one true outlet for my feelings and the single most important connection to my mother wasn't available to me anymore. Ignoring the now nearly intolerable pain in my hand, I attempted to play again, unwilling to accept my fate. I froze midway through the stroke of the bow as Edward's panicked voice rose above the warbled sound.

"Bella, baby, what are you doing?"

I met Edward's worried gaze with a sad and defeated one of my own, seeing him standing there with his arm in a sling another very real reminder of what I'd done.

"Sweetheart, you shouldn't be doing that. You could do more damage to your hand…"

I honestly hadn't thought about that and for a moment I was distracted from my very sudden and overwhelming need to apologize to Edward for what happened the night before. I swallowed hard, feeling the intensity of my emotions manifest itself in a knot in the back of my throat, and slowly replaced the bow on the stand before once again meeting Edward's pointed gaze. I hesitated for a moment, desperately trying to find the right words to say to express how sorry I was for all I'd said and done, but in the end words failed me and all I could offer was a simple, whispered "_I'm sorry"_. It might not have been fancy, but it was sincere.

"Do you think you can forgive me?" I asked earnestly, doing my best not to avert my eyes. My breathing was clipped and shallow now, my entire body coiled tight in anticipation of his response. I knew that Edward loved me and that he would never leave me, but that didn't mean my behavior…_my words_ hadn't done irreparable harm. Edward stood quietly by, studying me from beneath the threshold to our room, his tired eyes so full of sorrow and empathy.

"Oh Bella," he murmured. "Love means never having to say you're sorry."*

I choked back a sob at the utter sincerity with which his words were whispered, the back of my hand traveling to my mouth as I struggled not to cry.

"It also means recognizing when you've hurt someone, especially when that person has selflessly given themselves to you – loved you, supported you and stood by you when most others would have just walked away," I whispered softly.

Edward's eyes fell closed at my words, his own throat tight with emotion as he swallowed hard. Suddenly, I couldn't tolerate our physical distance and I rose from my seat, quickly closing the space between us. I wanted to throw myself at Edward, weave my arms around his neck and hold him tightly to me, but his shoulder was injured and I knew I had to be gentle. So, I approached him cautiously, gingerly walking into his one outstretched arm.

"Oh God, I didn't mean it, Edward. I didn't mean one word of what I said. I was just so frightened," I sobbed into his chest. "Please tell me you know that," I pleaded as I reached up to cradle his face between my two hands. His skin was gruff and the fabric of my bandage caught on his whiskers as I softly stroked his cheeks.

"I know," he answered me softly, pulling me back against his chest. "I know you're no more able to walk away from this than I am. But baby, things _have_ to change." Edward's thoughts mirrored my own and I nodded vigorously against him.

"I…I know they do. And they will, I promise. I also promise not to let anything like yesterday ever happen again," I said, squeezing him tighter to me. I missed not having both his arms wrapped securely around me but I had nobody to blame for that but myself.

"I'm not so sure that's a promise you can keep, Bella. I know you mean well, but unless you're able to open up and talk to me about what you're feeling, I'm worried it _will_ happen again. We have to start communicating better, baby."

Edward sounded so exasperated, and I knew that what he said was true, so I nodded my head, letting him know that I was in agreement and that I would make every effort not to shut him out anymore.

"I agree," I whispered, and I felt him breathe a deep sigh of relief as his arm tightened around me.

"Good," he murmured, first kissing then resting his cheek atop my head. "We can start today. I've made an appointment with Olivia for three o'clock."

I immediately tensed in Edward's arm, a wholly involuntary reaction that I tried, but failed to disguise.

"You've made an appointment with Olivia?" I asked weakly. Edward pulled away from me, studying me thoughtfully out of focused, green eyes.

"Of course; I called her as soon as we got home from the hospital. Bella, you scared the hell out of me last night."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, hanging my head in shame.

A single long finger gently lifted it back up.

"Don't. Remember what I said, baby. You don't need to apologize, but we do need to try and figure out a way to make things better. It's just… I don't know how to do that. I'm hoping Olivia can help guide us...together." I stared at Edward for a moment before reluctantly nodding my head. Again, he was right.

Edward had offered to attend therapy with me when I'd first started seeing Olivia, but I'd decided against it. I'd really felt like I could handle things on my own and I hadn't wanted to drag him through the gory details of my past on a bi-weekly basis. Therapy wasn't pretty. It was raw and intense and there were days when it took me several hours just to pull myself together afterwards. I didn't want to subject Edward to that. However, I realized now that I had been wrong, and that as much as I'd wanted to spare Edward my suffering, as my boyfriend – _the man I spoke about marriage with_, he really did need to play a more active role in my recovery; I couldn't do this on my own.

"I hope so too," I murmured, once again burying my head in Edward's neck. "I hope so too."

Several hours later, Edward and I sat in the back of a small coffee shop in the building adjacent to Olivia's, warming ourselves with a cup of hot cocoa. It was a classically cold New York afternoon in the middle of January, with the temperature hovering in the mid twenties. We'd walked to the coffee shop from my apartment and the reprieve from the cold was welcome. Surprisingly, we hadn't been recognized on our trek, but that might have had something to do with the fact that we were bundled up tight in our oversized parkas and hats.

Once inside the shop, we sat and waited for Olivia to call and tell us to come up to her office. This was preferable to sitting in her waiting room where there was an increased chance of being spotted. I really didn't want for Edward, rather Melinda, to have to explain why he was sitting in the middle of a psychiatrist's office with his girlfriend, both of us with highly suspect injuries. This was precisely the type of fodder that fueled the ever ravenous paparazzi. Melinda had already circulated a story about a hiking accident, but we'd still decided it would be better to err on the side of caution. Besides, even if Edward and I _had_ suffered our injuries as the result of an unfortunate hiking accident, it still would not explain why Edward and I were seeing a psychiatrist together.

We'd just finished our cups of cocoa when Edward's phone rang. It was Olivia, telling us she'd unlocked the alley entrance into her building and suggesting we use that to come inside. Edward paid for our drinks and a few minutes later we each sat opposite Olivia in her office. She had the heater on high, and though I'd shed my jacket and hat when I walked in I still found myself to be uncomfortably warm. Of course, this may have had something to do with the fact that for some unknown reason, Edward had become increasingly agitated over the course of the past few minutes - his pinched brow and tightly fisted hands telltale signs of his frustration. I wondered if Olivia noticed it too and surmised that she did when after exchanging brief small talk, including me granting her the right to breech doctor/patient confidentiality and mumbling how I'd accidentally cut my hand on some glass, she immediately addressed Edward, all but ignoring me.

"So Edward, it's nice to have the chance to finally meet you; Bella speaks of you nearly every session. But I must say, I was surprised to hear from you this morning. Would you like to tell me what prompted your call?"

Olivia gazed pointedly at Edward as she spoke and he didn't waste any time in responding when she'd finished.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I would," he said, his voice rough and tight. I could tell he was doing his best to remain as composed as possible and I was worried about what he might say. Something suddenly had him very upset.

"Bella had…" Edward hesitated for a moment, carefully considering his choice of words before continuing "…an _episode_ yesterday evening. I don't know what exactly you'd refer to it as, an emotional breakdown ,maybe an anxiety attack - but what I do know is that she was completely distraught when she returned home from therapy and she wouldn't let anybody near her to try and comfort or care for her. Not even when she cut her hand."

Olivia cast a sidelong glance in my direction before nodding at Edward, prompting him to continue.

"What I want to know is, what on earth possessed you to suggest to Bella that she return to the site of the accident when you know damn well she's going through a difficult time right now," Edward exclaimed, his control having slipped to a point where he was completely exasperated now. "I think it was very unprofessional of you," he gruffly added.

Olivia jotted down a few notes on a blank piece of paper before directly addressing Edward.

"Let me ask you something, Edward," she said, hardly paying me any attention at all. "When do you think would be the right time for me to discuss these types of issues, difficult issues to be more precise, with Bella? I understand that none of this is easy for her, but if we continue to sidestep difficult topics of conversation, Bella will _never_ recover. Sometimes we need to be pushed past what we think our limits are in order to know what we can really achieve."

"I couldn't agree more, Olivia. But surely my impending departure should have been taken into consideration before you so casually dropped such a dramatic suggestion."

All color drained from Olivia's face at Edward's words.

"Absence? What absence?" She warily asked. She was caught off guard by his comment, and rightfully so.

"Edward, it isn't her fault," I whispered sadly, suddenly understanding why it was that Edward was so angry. He thought Olivia had pushed me too hard, knowing I was under added stress from his leaving. But Olivia _hadn't_ known of Edward's travel plans. She hadn't known because I hadn't told her. "She didn't know." The room momentarily fell silent as Edward turned astonished eyes on me, the green I loved so much cloaked in disbelief. I hung my head, ashamed.

"Edward was supposed to leave for Paris for three months tomorrow," I weakly offered while struggling not to cry.

It was Olivia's turn to regard me with disbelief.

"Bella," she gently chastised, shaking her head at me. "If I would have known Edward was leaving, I never would have broached the subject of returning to the accident site. I surely would have waited. Why didn't you say anything? I've been treating you now for over a month; I thought we'd developed a relationship of trust with one another. You have to know that I can't help you if you're not honest with me."

Both Edward and Olivia looked on at me expectantly as I struggled to try and explain why I hadn't told Olivia about Edward's departure. To most it would seem a simple question to answer, but to me it wasn't. Not in the least.

"It…it was just too difficult for me," I stuttered, tears slipping from either eye. I realized my answer was a cop-out but I truly didn't know what else to say because it was the truth. It _was_ too difficult for me. I turned to look away, embarrassed by my weakness, but not before noticing Olivia firmly shake her head at me.

"No. That's not good enough, Bella. I want a concrete answer from you. How long have you known Edward would be leaving?"

"Since before she started seeing you." Edward answered Olivia's question for me, his voice distant and flat. And for a moment, I was irrationally angry with him, feeling as if he was betraying me by telling her I'd known all along. But then I turned to look at him, into the deep green of his weary eyes, and I realized he was only doing what he thought was best, and that was putting _everything_ out there, no matter how that might make me feel.

"Bella, is that true? You've known all along and never said anything?"

"Is that so hard for you to believe?" I wondered sadly. I wiped at the wetness on my cheeks, unable to meet Edward or Olivia's eyes. "It's _hard_ for me. Can't either of you see that? I very nearly hyperventilate when I even _think_ about Edward leaving, let alone talk about it. And I know you must both be sitting there thinking I'm weak because God only knows I feel that way, but I just…I can't help how I feel. I'm terrified for Edward to leave. He's such a support to me and I don't want to be without him," I said, my voice trembling with my admission.

Edward shook his head sadly as he scooted his chair closer to mine. Cautiously, he reached his hand out and placed it on my trembling thigh, squeezing it lightly. "That's not how I feel," he gently whispered. I turned to look at him, confused.

"What?"

"I've never once thought of you as weak, Bella. The truth is, you're the strongest, smartest, most resilient person I know. I just…I wish you would have told me how you were feeling before now. We could have talked about it. If I would have known how hard this was for you I would have tried to stay a little while longer…"

It was my turn to shake my head. "Don't you see?" I sighed. "That's precisely why I didn't want to talk about it. I knew if I did you'd see exactly how bad off I really was and you'd find some reason to stay. I don't want that Edward. I don't want for you to have to make that sort of decision. It's not fair to you. My problematic life shouldn't be cause for you to give up on yours."

Edward's hand went rigid on my thigh and I knew I'd struck a nerve. I reached for it, to try and hold it in mine, but he pulled it away.

"Jesus, Bella, is that really what you think? That, by staying behind I'd be giving up on my life? What if I told you that you are my life, and that _I_ think you're worth it; because you are! You're worth it to me. You're worth the fucking sacrifice. Love doesn't mean walking out on the person you love when the going gets tough, Bella. It means digging in your heels and fighting for what you believe in. I believe in you, Bella. I believe in _us_. But maybe I'm alone in that thought," he finished sadly, and if I wasn't mistaken, a bit bitterly.

"No, no…you're not alone," I scrambled to assure him, my hand blindly searching for his as I struggled to find the right words to say to make him understand. _I was trying to protect him_. I found it, and though he initially resisted, I pulled it into mine as best I could given my bandage, the pain it caused me be damned. "_Of course_ I believe in us. I fight every day to try and pull my life together so I can be as normal as possible for you," I said. "But I won't have you railroad your career just to stay behind and take care of me."

"That's _my_ decision to make, Bella," Edward snapped, and I winced at his unexpected tone of voice. He tried to pull away from me again, but I held firmly to his hand. Up until now, Olivia had remained uncharacteristically quiet, allowing me and Edward to try and sort through some of what we were feeling on our own. But, sensing Edward's frustration as well as the mounting intensity of the conversation, she interjected with some thoughts of her own.

"You know, he's right, Bella. Whether or not Edward stays behind is really _his_ decision to make. But that's not what concerns me here. What worries me most is you're using Edward to justify your behavior. You're telling yourself that it's okay for you to hide how you're feeling so long as it's done to protect somebody. Your intentions might be good, Bella, but your logic is flawed because we don't protect the ones we love by being dishonest with them. The very foundation of love is honesty and trust."

"I _know_ that…I _do know_ that," I said emphatically. "I wasn't being purposefully dishonest. I just wanted to spare him my suffering. It's just…I know ours isn't necessarily a normal relationship. I've brought along a lot of emotional baggage and he has to tolerate so much; I just don't see the need to share _everything_ I'm feeling. I…I don't want to overwhelm him."

"But it's not just Edward you were withholding from, Bella. You withheld from me, too," she gently pointed out. "This tells me you were reverting back to what you've done for nine years now, which is to ignore painful thoughts. But Bella, ignoring painful thoughts doesn't make them go away. You _know_ this. We've talked about this. They only fester and grow until what was once something that could have been talked through turns into an almost insurmountable obstacle. But you're creating that obstacle yourself, Bella. Don't you see that? In many ways you're like a small child, hiding in the corner of her room with her hands against her face saying '_if I don't look at the monster it's not there'_. But it is, Bella. It is. And the only way to make the monster go away is to face it full on."

"I'm sorry," I sighed deeply, my breath catching slightly on a shallow sob. "That's not what I want to do. I don't want to hide. It's just… it's seems it's all I know _how_ to do," I whispered sadly. I was beginning to feel very overwhelmed, as if I'd been doing nothing but chasing my tail since first deciding to try and sort through my past. I'd honestly felt as if I was making progress, but now I wasn't so sure. I hadn't really considered that by not talking to Edward I was slipping back into old habits, undermining the work I _had_ done. But now I saw it plain as day.

Almost as if he was able to read my mind, Edward cleared his throat, wondering if he could ask a question. He looked over at me, offering me a small, reassuring smile as he gently squeezed my thigh. I rubbed his hand in silent appreciation, humbled by this man that stood by me and believed in me when I had very little faith in myself and, that loved me unconditionally, glaring faults and all, even when I felt nowhere near worthy.

"Of course, Edward. What would you like to know?"

"Well, sitting here listening to you talk about Bella reverting to old behaviors…I guess I just don't understand exactly why she's doing that. She seemed to be making such sound progress. Christmas was …_amazing_. Meeting my father and especially spending time with my mother and brother – I was concerned that it might be too much for her but she wholeheartedly embraced them, somehow also finding the courage to work on overcoming her sensitivity to bright flashes. Because she seemed to be doing so well, I didn't worry too much when she was reluctant to discuss my departure. Now, I come to find that she wasn't well at all. And I worry…will she ever _really_ be okay? Can she get past this?"

Edward cast a sidelong glance in my direction, his beautiful face shadowed by guilt, as if by asking this question he was somehow betraying me. I'll admit his words were hard for me to hear because for the first time Edward was admitting his fear that I may indeed be permanently broken. He was always telling me that wasn't the case and that together we could fix this…we could fix me…but now he wasn't so sure, and the thought that he might be losing faith in me was simultaneously devastating…but strangely, also a relief. When we embraced the possibility that I might not ever get better, there were no more unrealistic expectations for me to live up to. _Maybe I just was what I was_. If this was the case, and there really was no hope for me, I couldn't disappoint Edward…or Alice for that matter, and that was a relief because in truth, disappointing those who loved me was so much more painful that disappointing myself.

"Yes."

Olivia's answer, delivered with firm, unexpected conviction drew me from my self-pity.

"The answer to your question is a resounding _yes_, Edward. Not only _can_ Bella get past this, she _is_ getting past this. Setbacks are very normal in these types of circumstances and while frustrating, we mustn't lose sight of or minimalize Bella's accomplishments; she has made incredible strides in her recovery since I've started treating her. However, both of you need to understand that coming to terms with a traumatic past can be a very long and drawn out process. There will be many obstacles to overcome, some more difficult than others, and at times the situation may seem hopeless. But I assure you that Bella has the ability to both deal with what happened _and_ move forward and embrace a fulfilling future. It just takes time…and a whole lot of patience and perseverance."

Edward nodded slowly, his gaze focused and firm as he carefully considered Olivia's words. She sat quietly by as he did so, fixing him with a watchful eye. You could see that he desperately wanted to believe her and was struggling not to doubt, but after last night's events his confidence in my ability to heal and be whole again was greatly shaken. He needed more reassurance. Truthfully, I did too.

"Edward," Olivia began after several long moments had passed and Edward still hadn't uttered a single word. "How much do you know about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" This question seemed to pull Edward from his thoughts and his eyebrows narrowed in thoughtful consideration.

"Honestly, just what Bella's told me as well as bits and pieces of information I've picked up from the internet. I thought it was enough, but now I'm realizing that it's not." Edward hesitated a moment before quietly continuing. "I'd really like to know more."

Olivia nodded.

"I think that's wise. Really, in order to best support Bella you need to understand _what_ exactly she's going through and _why_ she behaves the way that she does. PTSD is a severe anxiety disorder that often develops after exposure to a traumatic event. It's characterized by what I like to refer to as the three R's - Re-experiencing, Recoiling and Reacting. People who suffer from PTSD continually re-experience their traumatic event either through flashbacks or through nightmares. Feelings associated with the event are generally so painful that a person emotionally recoils from them. As for the third R, people tend to negatively react to stimuli associated with the specific trauma." Olivia paused for a moment before continuing.

"In Bella's case, the emotional numbing - recoiling, was severe, so severe in fact that she effectively blocked all feelings associated with the accident from her mind for nine years."

"How is that possible?" Edward interrupted, shaking his head. "I guess I don't understand how a person can just shut themselves off from their feelings like that."

Edward turned to me, offering me an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured. "I don't mean to sound critical. I just want to try and understand." Edward's hand still rested on my thigh and I caressed the top of it, letting him know it was okay. I knew better than to think that Edward would ever criticize me.

"Avoidance is a very powerful defense mechanism, Edward. It allows a person to function, albeit at a minimal capacity, when they might otherwise be incapacitated by their emotions. Think of it as a survival mechanism of sorts, an emotional tourniquet if you will. Bella was especially susceptible to emotional numbing because she feared, however irrationally, that her father might not want her any longer if she couldn't pull herself together. He sent her away once, if you remember. She also had the added concern that she was, in fact, not his biological child."

"He was trying to help her for Christ's sake," Edward vehemently interjected, startling me with his sudden intensity. "Charlie didn't send Bella away because he didn't want her, he placed her in a treatment facility because he was frightened for her," he expounded, clearly exasperated by Olivia's words.

"I _know_ that," Olivia assured Edward. "And I'm certain Bella knows that now, too. But she didn't know that back then. Nine years ago, Bella did the only thing she could in order to survive. She shut herself off from her feelings in a desperate attempt to regain some control, and she did a very good job of it. The problem is - avoidance is _not_ an effective coping mechanism. Bella never learned how to deal with her problems; instead, she learned to circumvent them by refusing to discuss her feelings. Fast forward to today, and we see the same issue at play. Bella's fallen in love with you. For the first time in nine years she's completely emotionally vulnerable. The thought of you leaving for three months overwhelmed her and rather than talk that through with you, she did what she learned from the past helped to suppress the pain…she avoided the subject. Only it _doesn't _work." Olivia turned to me then, fixing me with an empathetic gaze.

"It doesn't work, Bella," she reiterated gently, and I slowly nodded my head.

"I know," I whispered, averting my eyes from hers. I knew she didn't mean it that way, but I felt chastised, as if I'd purposely done something wrong. I hung my head, silent tears slipping down my cheeks.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward worriedly asked, his hand running a soothing course along the inside of my thigh.

"It's nothing…I just…I feel so ashamed." I swallowed thickly, fighting hard against the tightness that burned in my throat. Olivia sighed, shaking her head slowly back and forth.

"Bella, there's no shame in what you've done. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can't expect to know how to cope when you've never learned the proper way. It's not your fault. Truly, you did the best you could, and you did an amazing job of surviving. But I want more for you than that. I don't want you to just survive…I want you to live, Bella. And I'm pretty certain that's what you and Edward want, too."

I nodded vigorously in agreement. Peering up at Edward, I noticed he was smiling softly down at me, his own eyes damp with unshed tears. He brushed them clear with the back of his free hand before speaking.

"So, how do we do that? I think we're all agreed we want Bella to get better. I'm just not sure how we go about that," Edward said, averting his gaze from mine so that he could directly address Olivia. Edward sounded mildly stressed now and honestly, I could understand why. Somehow, it felt as if we'd been trying to help me get better for months now, in the end having accomplished nothing. Of course, that wasn't entirely true. I _had_ made steady progress in desensitizing myself to external stimuli, but I wanted more. I was distressed that I still wasn't able to openly discuss my feelings. No matter my justifications for my behavior, it was still detrimental to my recovery. I could clearly see that now, as well as better understand why I'd behaved as I did. But, like Edward, I wanted to know what we could do to help me get past this frustrating roadblock.

"Well, for starters, we need to really dig into therapy. You've done some good work thus far, Bella, but it will only get harder from here. As difficult as this might be for you to hear, I feel like it's time we rip off the band-aid. It's been stuck in place for nine years and it's doing you no favors. That was my intent when I suggested you revisit the site of the accident, although I wouldn't have mentioned it if I had known Edward was leaving."

I tensed some at Olivia's words, nervously fidgeting with my hands in my lap.

"Olivia…" my words were tremulous, betraying my fear. "I'm not really sure I'm ready to do that just yet…" My hands started shaking, but I felt sure, steady ones cover them, extinguishing my nerves.

"I have to agree with Bella," Edward hesitantly said.

"You're right," Olivia agreed. "You both are. Bella's not ready…_yet_. When I made my suggestion, I didn't mean for her to infer this would happen immediately. It won't. But it really does_ need_ to happen if she ever expects to fully recover. I'm convinced a large part of her emotional roadblock stems from a severe case of Survivor's Guilt, and I think that by returning to the site of the accident - where she could physically see that there was no way she could have gone for help and saved her mother, that would go a long way in helping to alleviate her guilt."

"But not now…" I clarified.

"No. Not now. For now, I think we need to focus on communication skills. You need to learn how to more effectively share your feelings, with Edward acting as your primary partner," Olivia said, and I nodded in agreement.

"For your part, Edward, you're going to have to be unyielding in your insistence that Bella share her feelings with you. Under normal circumstances, I would say it should be her choice, but these aren't normal circumstances. Bella's reasons for hiding her feelings are very different from those of other people, not to mention the fact it's extremely detrimental to her mental health. So, I'm going to ask you to utilize a little bit of tough love and adamantly insist she be forthcoming with her thoughts. Are you comfortable with that?" Edward cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. I looked over and noticed his hands were now tightly clasped in his lap.

"I don't really like confrontation," he quietly said, his eyes shifting nervously about. Olivia considered Edward's answer, cocking her head to the side and studiously appraising him before scribbling a hasty note on the paper in front of her. When she looked back up, she stared straight ahead, forcing Edward to meet her gaze.

"Edward, can I ask you a question?" Edward paused for a moment, clearly anxious about what she might ask, before slowly nodding his head.

"Have you ever discussed with Bella how all this makes you feel?" Edward tensed, and though he tried to hide his reaction from me, I knew him too well. I was well acquainted with the strong lines of his finely chiseled jaw and the small muscle that protruded from his cheek when he clenched his teeth together. I'd also memorized each and every furrow on his beautiful face and the signature paths they formed when he was stressed. He sighed, a heavy, resigned sound, stealing a furtive glance in my direction before answering Olivia's question.

"Not in great detail, no," he reluctantly confessed.

_Not in great detail?_ I froze, shaking my head while trying to make sense of Edward's words. That wasn't what I had expected to hear. Edward was so good at communicating; he was always so conscientious of my feelings, always pushing me to talk….and then it hit me, knotting my gut so fiercely that I feared I might actually become physically ill. Edward always encouraged _me_ to share _my_ feelings but _he_ had been holding back. I was pretty sure that wasn't always the case, at least not in the beginning, but somewhere along the way he'd stopped, and it wasn't too difficult to figure out why.

"And why is that?" Olivia wondered.

Edward nervously tapped his left foot, his anxiety now palpable, rolling off of him in thick, ominous waves. He was so nervous, clearly not wanting to answer the question, and it further broke my already fractured heart. I didn't want for Edward to feel that way, that he couldn't open up to me and share what he was truly feeling, and I knew it was up to me to try and make things right. Sliding my right foot across the way, I slipped it in beside his left one, stilling its frenzied movement. At the same time I reached for his hand, awkwardly grasping it in mine. Edward noticeably relaxed at my touch and turned his head until his eyes met mine.

"It's okay," I softly assured. "Please don't be afraid to be honest." Edward studied my face for a moment, searching my eyes to be sure of me before nodding solemnly and looking away. He swallowed thickly then, loosely gripping my bandaged hand as he quietly answered Olivia's question.

"I was…afraid," he said, offering a noncommittal answer. Olivia encouraged him to elaborate.

"Afraid? Why?"

"Look," Edward huffed, his anxiety quickly morphing into agitation which seemed to give him the confidence he needed to proceed. "It's not that I don't want to share my feelings with Bella, I do. I don't like hiding things from her…at all. It's just, sometimes the things I'm feeling… I'm not sure she needs to know. Yes, I find our situation to be extraordinarily difficult, but I don't see how it will help matters for me to tell Bella if I'm angry with her, or hurt or sad. She's already suffering through so much; she doesn't need the added burden of _my_ feelings."

"Oh, Edward," I murmured remorsefully. I reached over with my free hand and gently rubbed my thumb back and forth over his knuckles. I had no idea he felt that way. Then again, I'd pushed him away. He'd probably thought I didn't want to know.

"You're wrong, Edward," Olivia said softly. "You grossly underestimate the importance of sharing _your_ feelings. Bella needs to see that her behavior doesn't just affect her, it affects you too, and Alice, and her father and everybody else who cares for her for that matter. Knowing this helps to hold her accountable."

"I guess," Edward mumbled.

"You don't seem too convinced."

"It's not that," Edward said, shaking his head in frustration. "It just…she needs me to be _strong_ for her. She needs to know I love her, no matter what."

"She needs you to be honest with her," Olivia insisted. "Edward, you're allowed to feel angry, hurt, sad…that doesn't make you weak and it certainly doesn't mean you love her any less."

"She's right, baby," I whispered, reaching up to wipe an errant tear from my cheek. "You can tell me what you're feeling. I promise… I won't push you away."

"But Bella, you don't seem to want to hear what I have to say." Edward turned to face me, his beautiful face so earnest…so sad. "If I tell you I want to stay with you, you'll only tell me no."

"I don't want you sacrificing your career to take care of me," I said, my lips set in a firm line. I was serious about this and no amount of persuasion on his part would change my mind.

"I'm not sacrificing my career, Bella. I'm only talking about taking a little bit of time off. You need me right now and I want to be there for you. I don't want to be 3000 miles away. Why is that so difficult for you to understand? Wouldn't you do the same for me, if I needed you?" He challenged.

"In an instant," I whispered without even giving it a second thought. And it was the truth. I would walk to the ends of the earth for Edward, giving him anything and doing anything for him just to make him happy. "I just…I don't want you to have to stay for me."

"I _want_ to stay for _us_, Bella," he said, seeming slightly exasperated. "I want to stay for us," he repeated his words to me, his voice cracking this time around, "because this…this inability to talk to each another and share what we're truly feeling will destroy us both in the end and I can't…oh God I don't want to have to go through what we went through yesterday ever again because I was so scared…I was so fucking scared Bella." And with that one strangled confession, all of Edward's walls were down. His emotions, which had been festering deep inside, finally rose to the surface, getting the best of him and reducing him to tears. He sat in his chair beside me, quietly crying, and I scrambled out of mine and into his lap. Olivia was there, but I didn't care. All I could think about in that moment, all that was important to me, was Edward.

"Shhh, baby. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you," I consoled as I wrapped my arms around his neck, careful not to disturb his shoulder. Edward's tall, lean frame joined with mine as he silently drew me against his chest and buried his face in my hair.

"I didn't know, Bella," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I didn't know what to say or what to do to make things better for you. And then you hurt yourself and you ran into the bathroom…and…" Edward choked back a sob, his chest rising then falling in a deep, deep heave. "Jesus Bella, I thought you might actually hurt yourself. You weren't responding to anything…"

I froze in place, Edward's words cutting me hard.

"You hear me Edward Cullen," I said, reaching up and grabbing his face as best I could between my two hands. His eyes were slightly swollen and his cheeks were stained with tears. "I will _never_ do that," I said, staring pointedly into his wide green eyes. "Do you understand me? I might feel as if my entire world is closing in around me, but I will _never_ be so selfish as to purposefully hurt myself. I'd never cause you…my father…Alice…that type of pain." Edward nodded, drawing my head against his chest once more and holding me close.

I don't know how long Edward and I sat together in his chair wrapped in each other's arms. Time passed without either one of us being aware of anything else but each other. I'd almost forgotten we weren't alone until Olivia conspicuously cleared her throat. She told us she thought we'd done enough work for one day but asked if we could come back in several days time to do more. I looked at Edward, who nodded enthusiastically, and I fell in love with him all over again. This beautiful man, this man who was willing to go to such great lengths for the woman he loved, was mine. I didn't deserve him, but I wanted to. And I vowed right then and there that I would not let my past destroy my future. I would forge a new path with Edward. _We_ would do it together, and Olivia would be there to help guide the way.

Olivia wrapped up the session with some suggestions for therapeutic exercises we could do on our own at home. They mostly involved talking, but also included getting out and being active and celebrating my accomplishments thus far, namely my ability to better tolerate camera flashes. We needed to take advantage of the newfound freedom this development allowed us, she said, and both Edward and I agreed. Nearly an hour and a half after entering Olivia's office, Edward and I left with promises that I'd call after my consult with the hand surgeon the following day. Olivia had inquired as to whether or not I wanted to talk about my hand but I'd declined. It was still unclear as to exactly how much damage had been done and I was trying not to panic until I knew more.

Edward and I were mostly silent on the way home, each of us settled in quiet contemplation as we strolled along the city blocks. I really wanted to hold his hand, but it was too awkward with our injuries so I settled for linking my arm through his and staying close by his side. Edward was stopped once along the way and asked to sign autographs for several teenage girls. He did so, graciously, and I stood off to the side, watching as my amazing man slipped effortlessly into his actor's skin. When he was finished, he reached for me, waving goodbye to his fans and leading me away, his good arm wrapped firmly around my waist.

"Edward?" I murmured as we neared my building. It was dark outside now and much colder than it had been when we'd left earlier in the day. I shivered and nestled more closely against Edward's side.

"Hmm?" Edward bent to kiss to my temple.

"Thank you," I whispered softly. Edward looked down at me, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"What for?"

"Everything," I stated. "I don't think I tell you enough how grateful I am to have you in my life. You're my lover and my partner, but most of all, you're my best friend." Edward arched skeptical brows, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Okay, okay," I waved him off. "You're my best _man-friend_," I clarified as laughter filled the air.

_God, it was so nice to hear him laugh._

"But seriously, I don't know how I can ever thank you for all you've done for me," I said, turning my head to place a soft kiss to his chest.

"You don't have to, love," he murmured as we ascended the stairs and entered the building. "Just love me," he said.

"I do. More than I think you know."

**Endnotes:**

*Line borrowed from _Love Story._


	34. 3000 Miles

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks to **azure0610 f**or acting as beta for this story and to **aerobee82 **for pre-reading for me!

Thanks to all of you who take the time to read and review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 34 – 3000 Miles**

**BPOV**

It hardly seemed possible that time had passed so fast. Somehow, days had turned into weeks and weeks had turned into one month and Edward was set to leave for Paris tonight. I shook my head, still unable to believe that in a few minutes time he'd be gone…_Edward would be gone_. Thankfully, we'd already decided I'd be flying to Paris in a month's time, during my Spring Break from school.

Edward sighed beside me as the airport came into sight, squeezing my hand in his before wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to his chest. No words were exchanged as he kissed the top of my head; we'd said all we needed to before leaving the apartment. Instead, we spent our remaining moments together holding each other, my head pressed firmly against Edward's heart as Alice navigated the early evening traffic.

Ronald could have driven Edward to the airport. As it was, he was accompanying Edward to Paris and had expected to drive them both. But I'd insisted on going along, not wanting to sacrifice even a moment's time with Edward before his departure. Alice had volunteered to drive my car, and now, she expertly wove between vehicles of all shapes and sizes while Ronald sat beside her, talking into his phone.

"Five minutes, we'll be there in five minutes. Are all the men assembled?" He queried. There was a brief pause and a small nod of his head before he spoke again. "Good. We'll be there momentarily," he said before ending the call and slipping the phone back into his jacket pocket. He glanced over his shoulder at me and Edward then, offering us an apologetic smile.

"Sorry to interrupt. I've arranged for extra security to walk us through check-in and escort us up to the lounge. Melinda called and said to take extra precautions; she says anticipation of your arrival has reached a fevered pitch in Paris."

I looked up at Edward whose eyes fell closed as he gently shook his head. Reaching over, I squeezed his knee before turning my head to kiss his chest.

"It'll be all right," I murmured, trying to reassure him. Edward had spoken with Melinda a few hours ago and she'd said that fans were already camped out outside his hotel. We weren't quite sure how they knew where he'd be staying, but when Melinda asked if Edward wanted to stay someplace else he'd said 'no', stating it wouldn't make a difference. The fans would find him, regardless of where he was.

As we approached the departure terminal, Alice pulled alongside the Delta check-in and put the vehicle into park.

"I guess this is it," I said sadly, not even trying to disguise the sorrow in my voice. I no longer tried to hide how I felt. This past month, Edward and I had spent a great deal of time talking to each other, and if there was one thing I knew we'd both learned, it was that first and foremost, we always needed to be honest with each other.

Edward kissed the top of my head one last time before gingerly taking my hand. The incision from my surgery three weeks prior had healed nicely, but Edward still took care when he held my hand. "Come," he murmured as he gently tugged me out the door.

Four months ago, when I'd first met Edward, I would have hesitated to say goodbye to him in such a public place for fear a member of the press might be waiting in the wings to snap our picture. Now, I was much more accustomed to bright flashes of light, and in truth, they hardly bothered me anymore. Upon exiting the vehicle, a group of four large airport security personal formed a circle around me and Edward as Ronald handled removing the bags from the trunk. Alice pushed through the ring of men to say goodbye to Edward.

"Take care of yourself," she whispered as he dropped my hand to pull her into a tight hug.

"You too, short stuff. Congratulations, again," he murmured back. A brilliant smile illuminated Alice's face as she stood on tiptoe to kiss Edward's cheek. She thought I wasn't listening when she whispered into his ear, but of course, I was.

"I expect Bella will be joining me soon enough," she teased and it was Edward's turn to don the most brilliant, if not conspiring of smiles.

Edward released Alice, who scuttled back into the car and reached for me again, pulling me into a firm hug. We were starting to attract attention and I knew that we really just needed to say goodbye, but I didn't want to. From the manner in which Edward embraced me, I could see that he didn't want to, either. Reluctantly he let go though, gathering my hands in his and lacing our fingers together as he bent to press his forehead to mine.

"Three thousand six hundred and thirty-five," Edward murmured. His sweet breath warmed my face in the chilly night air.

"What?" I laughed, shaking my head in confusion.

"The distance between you and me once I've landed in Paris," he said sadly.

_Oh_.

"An ocean apart," I mused unhappily, my heart torn apart by grief.

"Seven hours and sixteen minutes," Edward whispered again.

"The amount of time it will take me to find my way back to you," I answered softly, quickly and reflexively. A sad smile tugged at Edward's lips as he nodded against me.

"That's right, sweet girl. I'm only a plane ride away," he breathed, his piercing green eyes holding my own. Edward looked down at our hands, twined together at our sides. Drawing two upwards, he carefully placed them over his heart. I felt it pump beneath me, rhythmic and strong.

"Twenty four," Edward whispered, swallowing hard so as not to get swept away by the flood of emotions passing between us. I looked on at him questioningly, and Edward's eyes bored into mine as he continued. "The amount of hours I will miss you each and every day until I hold you in my arms again." Edward's voice cracked as a small tear escaped his right eye. He blinked - his eyes as wide and as forlorn as mine, his lashes damp with sorrow. Edward kissed my forehead then before whispering softly in my ear. "I'll miss you," he sighed, "so fucking much, Bella."

I choked back a sob as I drew Edward's face to mine, cradling it in my trembling hands.

"Me too; I love you," I murmured softly, placing a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Love you, too," he whispered as he lips moved against mine.

A throat cleared somewhere nearby and I was vaguely aware of a growing audience and several camera flashes going off. Reluctantly, I pulled away, my fingers trailing past his dampened cheeks before slipping down to my sides.

"Bye," I murmured, offering a small wave as I slowly backed away.

"Bye," he whispered back before turning and walking away.

I sat in the front seat of my car with Alice behind the wheel. We were cruising down the highway, headed north on I-678, towards the Catskill Mountains. We didn't have any particular destination in mind - we were just driving. I didn't want to go home just yet.

"Are you sure Jasper doesn't mind sharing you for an evening?" I teased, trying hard to take my mind off of Edward. Alice rolled her eyes at me while smoothly merging into the far left hand lane.

"You know, before you met Edward we were together all the time. He's used to sharing," she said, turning to wink at me.

"Yeah, I know. I just thought given recent events he might want you all to himself."

"What, you mean this?" Alice innocently teased while simultaneously flashing me the brilliant diamond ring Jasper had placed upon her finger the night before.

"Yes, I mean _that_," I laughed.

"Nah," she waved me off. "Truth be told, I think he's happy to be rid of me for awhile. I think I may have driven him a little bit crazy today with my incessant wedding talk. I get the feeling he's not really all that interested in taking part in the planning process," she laughed. I laughed along with her.

"Have you ever met a man that was?" I wondered aloud. Alice shrugged and I reached over and placed my hand on her forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'll be here to help you with anything you need. In fact, why don't we stop by a bookstore and pick up some magazines. You can spend the night with me and we can read them all from cover to cover."

Alice smiled at me appreciatively. "Thanks, Bella. I'd like that. I'd also really like for you to be my maid of honor," she added softly.

"Oh, Alice. I'd be honored."

I smiled as I reached up to wipe the dampness from my eyes. I still couldn't believe it. Alice, my best friend and closest confident for as long as I could remember, was getting married. Somehow, it just didn't seem possible. It seemed just yesterday we were both young girls romping about in pigtails and cutoffs. And now? Now we were both young adults, doing the things young adults normally do - going to college, starting careers, falling in love and planning weddings. And it felt right, so incredibly right to be doing these things, especially with the people we were doing them with, but it also made me feel just a little bit sad that another chapter of our lives would officially be put to rest once Alice married Jasper.

"So, who's the best man?" I asked and Alice grimaced, a nervous smile pulling at her lips.

"Jake," she whispered apologetically. "I'm sorry, Bella. Is that going to be too weird for you and Edward?"

"No, no, Alice. Of course not," I rushed to reassure her. "Jake and I are good…really, we're fine," I said honestly because it was true. Jake and I had only run into each other a couple of times since our talk, but it hadn't been uncomfortable when we had. I think we recognized we'd each made some mistakes and were both willing to leave the past behind.

"He'll be bringing Nessie if that makes it any easier," she said in a rush and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Alice, relax. _I'm fine_," I said, reaching over to still her rapidly shaking knee.

"Really?" She asked, clearly dubious.

"Really," I assured her. "How's that going, anyway?"

"Good, good," she was quick to answer. "It's going really well. They're a perfect match, Bella. Nessie dotes on him and he basks in it. He seems really happy."

"I'm glad."

"He and Jasper really miss playing with you, you know," Alice said quietly as she set the cruise control at seventy five and got comfortable in her seat. Her words were unexpected, and I had to fight back the sudden urge to cry.

"Me too," I whispered, turning my head to look out the window at the passing headlights and cloudless night sky. "Me, too."

Alice and I were quiet then, and as she silently sped down the darkened road towards some unknown destination, I leaned my head against the cool pane of the window and took a moment to reflect on how dramatically my life had changed over the course of the last several weeks. It had been a _long_ four weeks, filled with a great deal of soul searching as well as poignant moments of clarity, the most significant of which occurring when I realized, perhaps for the very first time, just how deeply my behavior had affected those around me. Listening to Edward admit his fears to me on that first day in Olivia's office, more specifically his fear that I might actually self harm, had pulled me out of my ignorant stupor and forced me to more critically examine my behavior. Of course, _I_ knew that I would never self harm. As raw and as deep as my pain ran, I'd never be so selfish as to hurt the ones I loved by purposefully hurting myself. But _Edward_ didn't know that, and apparently neither did Alice. I'd really frightened them both that night when I'd broken down, and I made a promise to myself and to the both of them that I would do everything in my power never to let that happen again.

This wasn't an easy promise to keep. There had been several moments over the course of the last several weeks when I'd very nearly given up. Therapy was intense. Edward and I were seeing Olivia three, sometimes four times a week. On our days off, we could often be found curled together on the couch, discussing what we'd talked about in therapy the day before. It was hard work, continually having to rehash my very painful past, but I was beginning to see the results of my hard work. For the first time since the accident, I not only felt better, I felt strong. I didn't feel so vulnerable anymore, as if the feelings I'd kept under lock and key might somehow escape and ensnarl my soul. I didn't feel like that anymore because my feelings were no longer hidden. They were all exposed, each and every one of them for everybody to see, and surprisingly, they weren't nearly as terrifying to face as I'd once thought. If you'd asked me a month ago if I ever thought I'd be able to return to the site of the accident, I wouldn't have hesitated to tell you 'no.' But now…well now I thought it might just be possible. Not at this moment; I wasn't ready yet. But down the road, with Edward by my side…anything was possible.

_Edward_. There were really no words I could formulate to describe just what this man had come to mean to me. In a few short months he'd truly come to mean _everything_, his steadfast love and devotion never failing to humble me and, on occasion, even bring me to tears. Not only had he jumped headfirst into therapy with me, he'd also nursed me through my hand surgery and faithfully brought me to rehab seven days a week since.

Thankfully, my surgery had gone well. The surgeon had been able to repair the lacerated tendon and amazingly, the wound was already completely healed with only a faint scar as a reminder of what happened. Of course, I still didn't have full use of my hand. We were making steady progress in therapy, but my hand was still weak, the muscles in my middle three fingers incapable of firmly grasping an object. But my doctor was hopeful I'd make a full recovery. He'd even given me the go ahead to start playing the cello again, which I had, just last night. It was a sloppy rendition, but I'd played Edward's Irish ballad for him while he sat snuggled underneath my grandmother's afghan on the couch, and even though my performance was nowhere near up to par, you would never have known it from the look on Edward's face. It was as if a choir of angels was serenading him and that…_that look_… yeah, that was one of those moments that literally brought me to tears. It brought Edward to tears too, and we'd ended up together on the couch, a tangled, sentimental mess as we touched each other and loved each other clear into the morning.

"Hey, wake up." Alice gently nudged my shoulder and I struggled to open my tired eyes. I flushed in embarrassment when I realized I'd drooled on my shoulder and Alice laughed out loud.

"Boy, the minute your head hit that window you were out," she teased.

"Really?" I asked, reaching my arms above my head to stretch them out. "I must have been more tired than I thought." My eyes opened in amazement when I realized where we were.

"Alice!" I cried and she startled, looking suddenly panicked at the tone of my voice.

"What? What's wrong?" She quickly asked.

"Do you realize where we are?"

Alice looked around, confused.

"No," she cautiously answered. "Should I?"

"No, no, I guess not," I laughed. "This is where Edward took me on our first date. I can't believe you drove all this way!"

"Really? What a strange coincidence. You were sleeping so peacefully I figured I'd just drive for a little while, but my stomach started growling, and when it got to the point that I could hear it echoing throughout the car I decided it was time to stop." I laughed at what was clearly an exaggeration on Alice's part, only to find myself gaping at her moments later when said stomach growled once more.

"Jesus, Alice. When was the last time you ate?"

Alice shrugged. "Jasper took me out to lunch to celebrate our engagement, but that was hours ago. What can I say? I must be making up for all those months I suffered from that horrible flu."

"Well I'm glad you've found your appetite again. You were really scaring me there for awhile. You lost so much weight…"

"Fifteen pounds," Alice interjected. "But I've gained most of it back."

"I can tell," I said as I stepped from the car. "You look good."

"Let's just hope I don't gain anymore," Alice giggled as she linked her arm through mine. Together we strode through the parking lot towards the restaurant. "I have a wedding dress to fit into in the near future, after all."

Alice and I spent the next several hours eating a leisurely dinner at the little Italian restaurant Edward and I had come to know not so long ago. I'd texted Edward to let him know, but I hadn't heard back from him, presumably because he was somewhere over the Atlantic. A momentary pang of sadness gripped me as I contemplated the distance between us, but Alice managed to keep me sufficiently occupied with wedding talk so that by the time we started our drive back to the city I was feeling better, if only by a little bit.

True to her word, Alice stayed the night with me. We practically stumbled into my apartment, our stomachs still full from dinner, and Alice's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she surveyed the scene before her. I'd completely forgotten about the newest wave of backpacks and hiking paraphernalia that had arrived just this morning.

"Oh my God, Bella. There must be fifteen backpacks here, and hiking boots and winter coats and…"

"I know. It's insane. Who would have thought that from one little printed story all these companies would surmise that Edward and I were avid outdoors people," I laughed. Packages from the North Face, Patagonia, Mountain Hardware and many more littered my living room floor. They were all stuffed full with anything and everything an amateur hiker would need for a day, or for that matter, a week, on the trail. My personal favorite was the shocking red coat and boots Johann had received from a company called Ruffwear. Edward and I had gotten a kick out of outfitting Johann in his gear however Johann had been none too pleased. Suffice to say he wasn't thrilled with the idea of parading around in the silly getup, no matter how practical it might actually have been on a snowy mountain trail.

"What are you going to do with all this stuff?" She asked as she sunk to the floor and started sifting through the packages. "Huh…" She muttered to herself. "They know your shoe size."

I glanced over my shoulder at her from where I stood in the kitchen, scratching the top of Johann's head. I snapped his leash in place, deciding to go ahead and walk him now before I settled in for sleep; I was mentally and physically exhausted from the long day.

"Scary, isn't it. I don't even want to know where they got that information from," I only half joked because it really was a tad bit disconcerting. Edward was used to this, to receiving all sorts of freebies from name brand companies. It was the best sort of advertisement for them after all, to have a celebrity proudly displaying their products. I, however, was not used to being inundated with so many packages. We weren't quite sure why the packages had been sent to my address, either, which was another matter of concern, but Melinda was working on having them rerouted to her office in L.A. What she would do with them from there, I had no idea. But standing there watching Alice sort through everything on the floor, I suddenly had an idea.

"Hey Alice, do you think you could use these things? I mean, do you think the kids in your after-school program could get some use out of them? At least the jackets and boots?"

Alice spun in my direction, her face alight with excitement. "Seriously?"

"Yes, of course! I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I don't know how much longer they'll be sending products our way, but for as long as they do, you can have them all. It would make me feel better knowing some good was coming out of it."

"Oh, Bella, thank you!" Alice cried as she leapt up from the floor and tackled me in a bear hug. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back tight.

"You're very welcome. Now let's take Johann on his walk so we can come back and talk wedding dresses," I laughed as we walked through the front door, down the stairs and out into the frigid night air.

I shut the door behind Alice the following morning after bidding her farewell. I sighed, ever so grateful for the distraction she'd provided the night before. We'd stayed up late discussing plans for the wedding and Alice was hopeful she could pull off a mid-summer event. She'd wondered about Edward's schedule but I told her not to worry about that; he'd find the time to be there even if it meant flying in for the day. Alice would have nothing to do with that, however. She wanted Edward to be a part of all the planned festivities so I told her I'd talk to him and get back to her. In truth, I was touched that his presence meant so much to her. He was as much her family now as he was mine and that meant the world to me. The phone ringing in my room pulled me from my thoughts, and I rushed to answer it before it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

"Hey, you." A warm, familiar voice sounded in my ear. It wasn't anything I wasn't accustomed to hearing, but still, it sent shivers down my spine and a rush of adrenaline to my heart.

"Hey yourself, how are you?" I asked as I slipped along my flannel sheets and slid to the floor below.

"I'm okay, you?"

"Doing as well as can be expected," I said softly. "You sound tired."

"I am," he sighed. "The shoot is scheduled so tightly, I was shuttled from the airport directly to the set when I arrived. I haven't even been to the hotel yet."

"Oh no, I'm sorry. Didn't you sleep on the plane?"

"Nah," was his sullen response, and I didn't have to ask why.

"I tried to wait up, to call you when you got in, I really wanted to talk to you but Alice and I fell asleep amidst a pile of bridal magazines sometime after two." This statement elicited a soft chuckle from Edward, the sound of which made me feel immeasurably better.

"That sounds about right. I'm glad she was able to stay the night with you."

"She was a welcome distraction," I admitted. "But it didn't keep me from missing you," I added quietly. Edward heaved a deep sigh.

"I miss you too, sweet girl."

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm okay, you know. Just in case you were worried that I wasn't. I mean, obviously I don't like being apart from you, and I miss you like crazy already, but I'm strong enough to handle it now, okay?"

"Okay," Edward breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're all right. Not that I thought you wouldn't be, but, well, you know… it makes me feel better hearing it from you," he admitted before apologizing for rambling.

"You're not rambling, baby," I assured him. "I understand. That's why I said something. I don't want you to worry about me; you have enough to worry about with your new film. Besides, if the going gets tough I have your favorite gray t-shirt to keep me company. In fact, I'm wearing it now."

"Is that so? Anything else on underneath?" He breathed with exaggerated gusto.

"Of course!" I declared, pretending to feign offense. "What kind of a lady do you take me for anyway?"

"A very sensual one, driven solely by one singular need…" Edward rasped into the phone.

"Oh yeah?" I stammered, keenly aware of my heart hammering away in my chest. This was going to be a _long_ four weeks. "And what need would that be?"

"The need to satisfy her boyfriend's _every_ desire," Edward breathed, his voice low and gravely.

My jaw dropped open.

"Edward!" I sharply chastised. It took him a minute to recover from his small fit of laughter before he was able to speak again.

"Sorry, couldn't resist."  
"You think I can't resist you?" I challenged.

"Of course not," he scoffed in mock offense. "I'm irresistible after all…and so are you," he teased, and before I had a chance to say anything more, he completely changed course, catching me off guard with a question clear out of the blue. "Hey, have you had a chance to play your cello some more?"

"What? Oh…um, no. Alice and I kept ourselves busy last night. You know…dresses, flowers and bridal showers and all…there wasn't really any time."

"Well, what about today?"

"Maybe later on," I hedged, while shrugging my shoulders. "I mean, I'm sure I'll try and run through some scales and practice some elementary bowings but I don't want to push things too hard too fast."

"Sure, sure," Edward readily agreed. "I just thought...well, I thought it might help to play," he added softly.

I pulled absently at the fibers of the carpet as I carefully considered Edward's words. He was right. In the past I would have embraced my cello as my most trusted confidant, pulling hidden hopes and fears from its shiny silver strings. But as much as I missed playing, I'd come to realize just how much of a crutch music had become for me. Instead of serving as a supplementary outlet for expressing my feelings it had become an all out substitute for verbalizing my thoughts. I hadn't seen it this way a month ago, but I did now, and I'd decided that perhaps a temporary break from playing wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"I was waiting to talk to you," I answered him quietly and truthfully, hoping the deeper meaning behind my words wasn't lost on him. The slight hitch of his breath told me it wasn't, and I couldn't help but smile in response.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that," he breathed, and I could almost feel him smiling against me, his warm lips pressed softly to my cheek as his arms encircled my waist.

_Almost._

Edward and I chatted for another thirty minutes before reluctantly saying goodbye. We talked a little bit about Paris and about what we might do when I visited, and we also talked about how we were feeling. Edward admitted to feeling guilty about leaving and I admitted to feeling guilty about…well… _everything_. But no words were exchanged that invalidated what we felt and no judgment was passed by either one of us. Instead, we simply listened to each other, each of us allowing the other to share their honest thoughts without arguing over why we should or shouldn't feel that way. We'd worked on this over the last month, on sharpening our listening skills, with each of us learning that it wasn't always necessary to try and placate the other, or make that person feel better. Instead, what was essential was that each of us was honest. Thankfully, I finally felt as if we'd reached the point where we were, and it was highly liberating to feel confident in sharing _all_ my thoughts. It also served as a great source of strength, a source I knew I would draw upon in the weeks to come as I braved life without Edward.

As it turned out, time passed more quickly than I thought possible. Before I knew it, Edward and I had been apart for two weeks and only two more remained until I was set to visit him in Paris. Another week into physical therapy, and my hand was doing much better. I was able to play the cello for nearly an hour at a time now, and even though I had a long way to go in my recovery, I felt confident I would one day be able to perform again. It would just take time. Healing the mind, body and soul took time, and I was learning to be patient.

It was a grey, overcast day in the city when I exited the metro. I moved forward at a brisk walk, heading north towards campus to meet with Dr. Warren. Somehow, amidst all the madness of the past several weeks, I'd still managed to remain enrolled at Julliard. I'd had to give up my assistantship, of course; there was no way I could properly instruct students with my hand in the condition it was. But Elizabeth had offered me an alternative means by which to fulfill credit requirements by helping her with research for her book. She was writing a book about Colossal Baroque music, the works of which were opulent and grand and performed with choirs and orchestras of considerable size, much larger than was common during the Baroque era. I'd been tasked with analyzing several of Giovanni Gabrieli's works, some of which I'd had the privilege of performing over the years. As I approached the door to her office I noticed it was ajar, so I slipped inside the warm, cozy space and settled in a chair.

"Bella!" Elizabeth greeted me warmly. "To what do I owe this surprise? I don't usually see you around here on Friday afternoons."

"Olivia had to cancel our appointment so I figured I'd drop this Gabrieli analysis off early. I could start on another over the weekend, if you'd like." Elizabeth studied me thoughtfully as she reached for the proffered report.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Bella. I didn't really expect to see this until next week."

I shrugged.

"I'm trying to keep busy. I never really realized how much of my time was spent playing cello until I couldn't play it anymore."

"And how's that been for you?" She asked, sympathetically. These past few months, Elizabeth had become a great source of support for me. More than a sympathetic ear, she continually offered me sound advice and I'd come to view her as much more than just a faculty advisor. She was a mentor _and_ a friend, and a wise one at that.

"It's been okay," I answered her honestly. "Much easier than I expected."

"That's because you've thrown yourself into research, instead," she mused, and her forwardness caught me off guard.

"I…I…" I stammered, not quite sure how to respond to Elizabeth's remark. Really, I just didn't want to admit that what she said was at least in part, true. Elizabeth reached her hand across her desk to gently squeeze my arm.

"Shhh. I didn't mean it as a criticism, honey. I'm just wondering whether or not with everything that's going on in your life right now, you might want to reconsider withdrawing from classes this semester. You've managed to keep up so far, but I worry it's an added burden you don't need right now."

"We've talked about this already," I whispered, shaking my head slowly back and forth. "I can handle the work load. I want to graduate in May."

"And then what, Bella?" Doctoral work in the fall?" Elizabeth gently challenged. I turned steely eyes her way.

"I thought that's what you wanted. We talked last semester and you wanted me to apply here…"

"That was before I realized all that was happening," she whispered softly. "Bella," she said my name at the end of a deep sigh. "Don't you think that maybe you need some time to figure out who you are apart from music?"

I shook my head softly _no_, reaching up to wipe at the tears that had collected in the corners of my eyes.

"Why not? What is it you're afraid of, Bella?" She gently prodded.

"It's all I have left of them," I quietly confessed, biting down hard on my trembling lower lip. "I'm not sure I know how to be without music."

"Maybe it's time to find out," she said as she rose from her seat and walked around to where I was sitting. She sat in the seat beside me and reached out to take my hands.

"_These_ won't forget how to play," she said, giving my hands a gentle squeeze. "And _this_ won't ever forget the ones we love," she assured me as she placed her hand atop my heart. "But _this_?" She said, pulling her hand from mine and gently stroking the side of my head. "_This_ needs to be given a chance to sort through some things. You need to give yourself the space you need to let that happen, Bella." Elizabeth firmly held my gaze, searching my eyes for some sort of indication that I'd understood exactly what she was saying.

"So, no Lully?"I quietly asked a few moments later, referring to the composer Jean Baptiste Lully whose works I was to analyze next.

"I can't tell you what to do, Bella," Elizabeth sighed, "but I _can_ tell you that Benevoli, Lully, Shutz…all the other Colossal Baroque composers - they aren't going anywhere."

"What about graduation?"

Elizabeth shrugged.

"What difference does it make if you graduate in May or December, or even next year for that matter?"

"None, I guess," I reluctantly admitted. A silence fell between us then as I considered Elizabeth's words. Finally, I stood from my seat, replacing my jacket and wrapping my scarf snugly around my neck.

"Thanks for the talk, Elizabeth. I'll give what you said some thought," I said as I settled my bag on my shoulder. Elizabeth stood and embraced me then, folding me into her arms and squeezing me lightly.

"That's all I'm asking, dear. That's all I'm asking."

As I exited Elizabeth's office I reached into the side pocket of my bag and withdrew my phone. I'd turned it off during our meeting, knowing she didn't take kindly to rude interruptions. I powered my phone on and no sooner had I done so than a tiny ping alerted me to an incoming text. I assumed it was from Edward. Since he left, we texted each other constantly as well as talked on the phone several times a day. Edward was having a difficult time in Paris, the grueling filming schedule and ravenous fans taking their toll on his emotional well being, and at times we'd spend hours on the line, even if it was just in companionable silence while I read a book or Edward strummed his guitar. We were going to have one hell of a phone bill, but I really couldn't find it in myself to care. It was a comfort to each of us, knowing the other was just on the other end of the line, and it made the distance between us more bearable, if only by just a bit.

_Bella – where are you? PLS call NOW. IMPORTANT._

I froze when I read Edward's words then noticed that he'd sent several other texts over the course of the last hour. There were also three missed calls…all from Edward. In a panic I hit speed dial, terrified that something was wrong. The phone rang once before he answered.

"Bella, where are you?" He asked, clearly agitated.

"I was in a meeting with Dr. Warren, is everything okay?" I quickly strode through the courtyard and into a building where some of the practice rooms were located. I didn't want to stand in the cold while talking to Edward so I slipped into a vacant room and took a seat on an old piano bench. I didn't bother turning on the lights.

"Have you been online yet today?" He asked, and my brows furrowed in confusion.

"No, why?"

"You haven't checked the sites?" He pushed and I sighed in frustration.

"Edward, no, I haven't. What's going on?" I wondered why Edward had asked if I'd checked the sites. I normally did this before I went to bed, to catch up on the latest photos and shoot information from Paris. Edward and I sometimes looked at his sites together, laughing at the comments people made and grumbling about the utter lack of privacy he had.

"Daniella's here," he said in a rush, and I blinked rapidly, suddenly feeling as if I might vomit. I felt the bile rise up in my throat, carving a burning path in its wake, and it took every ounce of restraint I could muster not to completely freak out.

"What? Why?" I asked, making sure to remember to breathe deeply, in and out.

"I don't know," Edward replied, clearly exasperated. "I was out to dinner with some of the cast and crew and she just sauntered up to our table. I nearly choked on my steak. I didn't know what to do, Bella…we haven't really talked since our falling out and I was just so stunned to see her there. I stood up and she approached me as if nothing had ever happened and then… she kissed me on my cheek and hugged me." I felt the air leave my lungs in a giant rush as I struggled not to get upset. It was only logical that Daniella would hug Edward. They were still co-stars, after all, even if their relationship had been somewhat redefined. And they did have an image to uphold, no matter what they felt about each other in private. With the filming of the third and final movie in the trilogy rapidly approaching, Edward couldn't afford to shun her in public.

"It's okay, Edward," I said, not wanting him to think I didn't trust him. "I'm not angry."

"Well I am," he seethed. "There are pictures, Bella, pictures of her hugging and kissing on me. I very nearly got into a brawl in the restaurant when I realized what was happening."

I groaned, shaking my head in disbelief.

"That seems…awfully coincidental that the paparazzi just happened to be there to snap a picture of the two of you together," I said slowly.

"Tell me about it," he spat, and I could hear the disgust in his voice. "I don't trust her, Bella, and I don't like that she's here." I didn't like it either, not one bit. But I was really trying hard to remain calm and composed and not fuel the fire with my own fears. Edward didn't need that. Paris was stressful enough for him without the added burden of worrying about me.

"Are the pictures online already?" I quietly asked. "Is that why you asked if I'd been to the sites?"

"Yes," he replied, and he sounded so miserable, I didn't know what to do or to say to make him feel better.

"Does Melinda know?"

"She does, but there isn't much she can do about it. It's not like she can tell Daniella to leave. Besides, she thinks it might be a good thing if we're seen together some. You know…strum up publicity for the next film."

"Sure. Strum up publicity by suggesting to the public that Edward Cullen might be carrying on an affair with his co-star," I bitterly replied.

"Bella, it's not like that and you know it," Edward growled defensively and I heaved a deep sigh into the phone.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just don't like how easily Melinda toys with your life. It's like you're some sort of puppet being controlled by a marionette."  
"That marionette really came through for us last month," Edward reminded me, and even though I knew he was right, it still didn't change the fact that Melinda had a specific job to do, and sometimes I felt like that job came at Edward's expense. She knew how we both felt about Daniella. Hell, I was pretty sure she felt the same. But I guessed Edward was right in that there really was nothing Melinda could do. Daniella had a right to go wherever she wanted whenever she wanted. I just found it highly suspect that she'd randomly showed up in Paris when the entire world knew Edward would be filming there…_sans girlfriend_… over the next several months.

"Did Daniella say why she was there?" I wondered. I heard running water and I surmised Edward was back in his hotel room, probably getting ready to take a shower.

"Not really," he mumbled. "She said something about visiting friends…said she'd be here for a week or so."

"Well, maybe we ought to give her the benefit of the doubt," I suggested, quite literally having to force the words from my mouth. I didn't really believe that Daniella deserved this from us, but I also didn't want Edward to worry too much about what she wanted. She would only be there for a week. A week wasn't so long. Hell, in a few months time they'd be together practically round the clock. It was unavoidable, so there was really no reason for Edward to avoid her now.

"Edward, you love me, right?" I quietly asked when he didn't respond favorably to my suggestion.

"What!" He cried. "Of course, why on earth would you even ask something like that?"  
"Settle down, baby. I only mean to point out _that's_ what matters, okay? What matters is that you love me and I love you and we're able to see Daniella for who she really is. And maybe there is a chance we've misjudged her, maybe she feels badly for what happened at the premiere and wants to try and make amends before filming on the movie starts."

Edward snorted before breaking into a soft chuckle. It was a relief to hear him relax, if only for a moment. "Why are you so understanding?" He wondered aloud.

"Because I love you, and I really do trust you, and there's no sense stressing out about things we don't have any control over. Nothing's happened…yet. Before we go assuming the worst, let's just wait and see what happens."

Edward hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"You're okay with this? I mean, you're _really_ okay with this? Remember, Bella. We're being honest with each other now."

I sighed.

"What do you want me to say, Edward?" I asked, now slightly exasperated myself. "If you really want to know…_no_…I'm not totally okay with Daniella being in Paris. I wasn't expecting this and to be completely honest with you, I don't trust her. But it won't do either of us any good to get ourselves worked up over her, especially since the only thing that's happened thus far is an unfortunate press incident."

"I wish you were here," Edward whispered softly and I swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Me too, baby. I miss you, so much. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, as long as you're okay, I'm okay," he said and slowly the tension between us started to dissipate.

"I wish I was there to stake my claim," I teased a moment later and Edward chuckled softly over the phone.

"And how may I ask would you do that?"

"I don't know, stalk you on set, glue myself to you when you weren't filming, make out with you in public," I laughed.

"Well, you can do all of that when you come in two weeks time," he murmured softly.

"Two weeks," I sighed.

"Yes…two weeks."

Six days later I had just returned home from an early morning physical therapy session and was rifling through the refrigerator looking for something to eat when the phone rang. I'd had coffee with Alice earlier in the morning and Edward was taking part in a scheduled fan appearance outside a small theater in Paris today, so it wouldn't be either one of them. I rushed to retrieve my phone from my purse just in time to answer it with a hurried "hello."

"Bella?"

"Hey, Dad! What a nice surprise!" I felt myself smile from ear to ear as I greeted my father and sunk into the soft cushions of the couch.

"How are you doing, honey? How's your hand?" He asked with the type of care and concern only a parent could put across.

"Good, dad. Everything's good," I said, nodding my head. "I just returned home from physical therapy. I was looking for something to eat in the refrigerator but it's looking pretty barren in there. Edward spoiled me after my surgery, cooking me all sorts of meals, but he's gone now and I've pretty much depleted my stock so I guess I'm going to have to start cooking again," I laughed.

"Edward cooks?" My dad asked, and I could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

"Edward learned," I proudly stated, "under my careful tutelage, of course."

My dad chuckled softly. "I'll bet that was a riot, Edward standing over the stove, you wielding a spatula and spoon…" I laughed with my father as he wasn't far off in his description.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?" I teased. Both my father and I knew he wasn't much for chit chat over the phone so I figured something must be up.

"Nothing much," he hedged, but I could hear the nervousness in his voice and I immediately grew wary.

"Dad…spill it," I said, mustering as much authority as I thought respectful given the fact he was my father.

"Okay, Bella. I'm just going to cut to the chase here. I'm seeing somebody and I thought you might like to know."

This bit of information was quite unexpected and took me completely by surprise.

"Wow, dad, I didn't realize you were even dating…" My voice trailed off. I wasn't sure what to think or to say.

"I wasn't. But then I bumped into Sue Clearwater at a New Year's Eve party and…"

"Sue Clearwater!" I screeched. I immediately apologized for my outburst, but I really could not believe what my father was telling me. "Sue Clearwater from Pleasant Grove?" It couldn't be. Pleasant Grove Psychiatric Treatment Center wasn't anywhere near where my father lived.

"Yes," my father sighed. "Sue from Pleasant Grove. She relocated her practice to the valley just before the holidays and we bumped into each other at the Thompson's Christmas party. Apparently they're friends from way back. Anyway, I didn't want to say anything to you until there was something to talk about, but Bella…I really like her, and I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual."

I was quiet for a moment and I think my father started to panic a little because he called my name anxiously. "Bella? Sweetheart, are upset with me?"

"No, dad," I sighed. "It's just…you've haven't really dated since mom died. And, well…to find that you're now dating Sue, my one time therapist, it's just a little strange for me is all. It's a lot to process."

"If it helps any, she remembers you very fondly. She's happy to know that things have worked out for you."

"Thanks, dad. I liked Sue; I just didn't like Pleasant Grove."

"I know, and I know you don't like to talk about your time there and we don't have to. Our lives have changed, Bella, this doesn't have to be awkward for any of us. I just thought you should know, in case you decide to surprise your old man with a visit and you happen upon Sue here at the house."

"Oh my God, you're living together?" I cried, completely taken aback by my father's words. My father burst into uproarious laughter and quickly dispelled my fears.

"No, no. We're not living together, but she does spend quite a bit of time here. Turns out she knows a thing or two about wineries. Her great -grandfather owned one right here in the valley," my father proudly stated.

"Wow…what are the chances," I said, chuckling softly as I listened to myself speak. _What are the chances, indeed_.

"So, you're okay with this? I really want you to be okay with this Bella. I know I'm a grown man and I can make my own decisions, but you're my daughter and I love you and above all else, I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, dad," I said quietly. "Very, happy."

"Edward makes you happy," my father mused and I smiled to myself.

"He does."

"You'll be seeing him soon?" He asked, and I told him I'd be flying to Paris in a little over a week.

"Will you be seeing Xavier while you're there?" I paused at this question, not quite sure how to respond. "Because I think you should. I think he'd like that, and I think it's time you start to try and foster that relationship, Bella." I was a little surprised at the turn in conversation and I suddenly wondered if Sue had anything to do with it.

"Dad, have you been talking to Sue about this?" I asked. My father laughed a little before telling me that he had, but that she had nothing to do with his decision to talk to me about Xavier.

"I just want you to know that I love you and support you, honey, and that I want you to have a relationship with Xavier…if that's what you want. Whether you like to admit it or not, his absence from your life has left a distinct mark on your heart, but it doesn't have to be that way anymore. You're going to Paris, Bella. Carpe diem! Take advantage of the opportunity to spend some time with him and know that you're doing so with all my blessings and support."

I sniffled back a small sob as my emotions threatened to overwhelm me. My father was a wonderful man. Any lesser person might have felt threatened by their daughter wanting to forge a relationship with her biological father. But not Charlie. I guess he knew he would always be the only one I would ever call dad, and really, all he wanted was for me to be happy. I could never doubt that.

"Thanks, dad, for everything," I said as I wiped at a tear that trickled down my cheek. Just then, the other line beeped in. My father and I exchanged quick farewells, with the promise to speak again soon, and then I clicked over, only to be immediately met by Edward's very distraught voice.

"Bella?" He gasped. It sounded as if he'd been crying and I immediately started to panic.

"Edward? Oh my God, Edward what's wrong?" My thoughts briefly turned to Daniella as I stood from the couch, and I wondered if maybe something had happened that involved her, but that seemed unlikely. While Daniella had proven to be a nuisance this past week, stalking Edward on set and insisting on meeting up for several lunch and dinner dates, her advances had been rather innocuous, and no harm had come of her being in Paris.

"Bella, there's been an accident. Oh God, a young girl…a fan…she's been critically injured," he wailed and all color drained from my face. "I'm at the hospital now, but they don't know…oh Jesus, they don't know if she's going to survive…" His voice trailed off as he started to weep, and I stumbled backwards against the front door, slipping along its cool, hard surface to the floor. How could this be happening? How on earth could this be happening? Where was Ronald? What had gone wrong?

"Are you all right?" I asked, suddenly panicked that Edward might have been hurt, too.

"Yes…yes...I'm fine, but the girl…I don't know…I don't know…" Edward paused mid-sentence and asked me to hold for a moment. I heard a rustle in the background and voices speaking lowly before Edward came back on the line. When he did, he told me he had to go.

"I'm needed inside and there are no cell phones allowed. I'm going to have to call you back," he said, and the despair in his voice wrenched my heart. I wanted to crawl through the phone and cradle Edward in my arms and tell him that everything was going to be all right…but I couldn't.

"I love you," I hurriedly whispered as he made to hang up the phone. "Please call me!"

"I will when I can…I love you," he whispered shakily, dragging in one final ragged breath before saying goodbye.

It didn't take me long to make up my mind. In truth, the decision had been made the moment Edward called. He was overwhelmed and distraught and he needed me, and I was going to do whatever it was I had to, to get to Paris…to get to Edward…as soon as was humanly possible. Without a moment's hesitation, I dialed Melinda. Not surprisingly, when she answered, she sounded completely out of sorts.

"Melinda, have you talked to Edward?" I cried.

"I just got off the phone with him ten minutes ago," she answered me brusquely. "I'm heading out the door now to catch the next flight out of LAX."

"Can you book me a flight, too?" I quickly asked. "I can be ready to leave in twenty minutes."

I realized I could book a ticket myself, but given the circumstances I thought Melinda might be able to make things happen quicker than I could.

"Bella, are you sure? It's going to be a media circus. I'm not so sure it's the best idea for you to be a part of that."

"I'm sure, Melinda," I said, without even giving it a second thought. "Just book the ticket, please," I begged.

"Okay," she breathed after a moment's hesitation, "I'll do it, but I have to run now. I'll call you from the airport with the details. I'll get you on the first flight out of JFK, all right?"

"All right. Thank you, Melinda, thank you," I said as I breathed a ragged sigh of relief. Moments later I hung up the phone and set about organizing my affairs so I could leave for Paris. It was one week earlier than expected, but Edward needed me. He was always there for me and now it was my turn to be there for him.

**Endnotes:**

This story is entering the home stretch. There are five more chapters to go and an epi.


	35. Epiphanies

**Author's Notes:**

Many thanks to **azure0610** for acting as beta for this story and to **aerobee82** for pre-reading! I appreciate all your help!

Thank you so much to all of you who read and submit feedback. I look forward to your thoughts!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Chapter 35 – Epiphanies**

**BPOV**

A million thoughts ran through my mind as I sat in the back of a jet black Mercedes, traveling through the city streets of Paris. The driver, a man who went solely by the name of Jenks, had been sent to retrieve me, courtesy of Melinda who'd arranged for me to be surreptitiously shuttled from the airport directly to the hospital. I was still in the dark as to what had happened. I hadn't had any contact with Edward since yesterday morning in New York. It was now a new day in Paris, nearing nine a.m. to be precise, and I wondered if Edward had stayed the night at the hospital. I was worried about him; he'd sounded so distraught over the phone and he was all alone, nobody there to stand by him in his time of need. Thankfully, that would all change in a matter of minutes.

Jenks pulled into the sprawling parking lot of The American Hospital in Paris and I was shocked at the number of news vehicles present, each with multiple reporters milling about. To my great relief, Jenks bypassed the main entrance, electing instead to drive through a security gate and around back where he threw the car into park and cut the ignition before instantly materializing beside my door.

"Ms. Swan, come with me please," he instructed as he swung open my door. I didn't miss the way his eyes expertly scanned the horizon, checking for any stray photographers who may have been hidden out of sight. He frowned when the recognizable whir of a helicopter drew near.

"Quickly, ma'am. We' don't want to draw any undue attention to your presence here."

I briefly wondered why before quickly determining that the authorities were probably remaining tight lipped about the situation. My presence here would surely alert them to the gravity of the situation, for why else would Edward Cullen's girlfriend travel to Paris immediately following the accident? I grabbed my messenger bag as Jenks mumbled something into his headpiece. He glared at me in annoyance, because apparently I was taking too much time, before shutting my door behind me and shuttling me indoors.

I immediately tensed upon entering the hospital, shuddering at the unwelcome memories of that dark night long ago, but I pushed them aside, knowing I was strong enough now to do so and, more importantly, that I _had_ to focus on Edward. Edward was my priority now. He needed me in a manner in which he'd hadn't before, and I wanted to be there for him, to be strong for him and support him in his time of need.

"Right this way," Jenks ordered, his hand slipping behind my elbow as he guided me along the long, sterile corridor. Doctors and nurses in crisp white coats scurried about but they paid us little attention. At the end of the hall we entered an elevator and ascended to the fourth floor. The elevator dinged, and we exited directly into the intensive care unit where we immediately turned to the left without even so much as checking in with the nurse's station.

"Mr. Cullen's waiting in the room at the end of the hall. He hasn't left since yesterday afternoon," Jenks informed me, and for the briefest of moments his hardened veneer slipped, and I detected a distinct hint of sympathy in his otherwise dispassionate voice. I swallowed hard, equal parts excited and worried. I was happy to finally be seeing Edward again, but greatly preoccupied by what I might find. I tried to imagine what he might look like, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw the moment I walked through the door. There Edward sat, both arms propped up on his knees. His face was covered by his hands and his fingers were roughly kneading his scalp… and by his side sat a smug Daniella, her arm wrapped firmly around his shoulders.

There were a lot of things I felt in that moment, standing there in the doorway, staring at Daniella and Edward. There was a part of me -_a very small part - _that was grateful that Edward was not alone. As much as I hated the fact that it was Daniella that sat his side, she was still a familiar face which I hoped he'd taken comfort in. But there was also another part of me, a baser part that struggled with the desire to claim Edward as my own. Daniella's hardened, narrowed gaze told me all I needed to know about her feeling for both me and Edward. It was obvious she still cared for him, as more than just a friend, and she clearly didn't care for me. But there was nothing that could be done about that now. Now was neither the time nor the place to call Daniella out. Instead, I focused on what mattered most…

Edward.

"Edward?" I whispered, my words cutting sharply through the somber silence. At the sound of my voice, Edward's head snapped upwards, his shadowed, sorrowful eyes wide with disbelief.

"Bella?" He gasped. A tremulous sigh escaped his lips as he slipped from Daniella's grip and quickly moved towards me, pulling me into his hungry arms.

"Wh…what are you doing here?" He struggled to say. Edward's voice was thick with barely controlled emotion as he squeezed me tightly to him. I hugged him back, nestling my face into the crook of his neck and kissing the soft skin just beneath his throat.

"I took the first flight out of New York. I couldn't let you go through this by yourself," I murmured. "I sent you a text, didn't you see?" I pulled back a bit from our embrace to study Edward's weary face. It was the first chance I'd had to really look at him and the sight before me broke my heart. Edward's bleary eyes were noticeably swollen and rimmed with red, and his five o'clock shadow – a shadow I normally loved, spoke of a long night spent in a hospital waiting room.

"My phone died," Edward said while shaking his head. "But Jesus… I'm so glad you're here. I really need you right now."

"I know, baby. That's why I came," I said while folding him into my arms once again. "How …how is she?" I cautiously asked.

"There's no change. She's still in critical condition." Daniella's sharp response rang out, answering my question before Edward had a chance to. "And Edward hasn't been alone," she bitterly added. "I came to the hospital as soon as I heard. I stayed with him all though the night."

I stiffened in Edward's arms at Daniella's words, shocked by the tone of her voice. Did she really want to get into it _here_…_now_? I refused to stoop to her level of shameless goading and instead thanked her stiffly. At that same moment, Jenks cleared his throat, and it wasn't until he spoke that I even remembered he was in the room.

"I've just got word from Ronald. Melinda's plane has landed and she'll be here momentarily. More press has arrived, so Ronald's advised us all to stay put," Jenks relayed. Edward nodded wearily before taking my hand in his and leading me back to the small grouping of chairs set against the back wall. It didn't escape my notice that he sat several seats down from Daniella.

"Where's Ronald?" I asked, wondering why he wasn't there with the rest of us or, for that matter, why he hadn't picked me up from the airport.

"He's downstairs doing his best to help manage the media circus," Edward answered with a defeated sigh while shaking his head slowly back and forth. He slipped his hand from mine then, running it up through his thick hair and tugging it roughly, a clear indication he was completely overwhelmed. "God, this is a fucking nightmare. If only I hadn't reached for that woman's hand, that little girl might not have been crushed," Edward lamented. I hated that he was berating himself, but I really didn't know how to respond because I was still in the dark as to what exactly happened. I was going to ask Edward when Daniella stood from her seat and strode to Edward's side. She sat down and looked me directly in the eye as she rested her palm on Edward's arm.

"Hey," she softly comforted. "This wasn't your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over. It was the same situation when the stage collapsed in the mall a few years back. It was an unfortunate incident, but neither one of us could have prevented it. If anyone's to blame, it's the studio for not providing enough security," Daniella reasoned. And while every fiber of my being told me not to trust her I at least tried to appreciate her efforts to console Edward when he was so visibly distraught. Edward sighed, removing his hand from his hair and gingerly taking my own once more.

"Edward? Could you maybe tell me what happened?" I quietly asked. I really wanted to offer him words of reassurance too, but I didn't want to presume anything about the accident. Edward opened his mouth as if to speak, but just as he did the door to the small waiting room swung open and a tall, older looking gentleman robed in a crisp white coat eased himself inside. Edward stood, moving quickly to the front of the room, anxious for any new news.

"Dr. Moreau, how is she? Has there been any change?" Edward inquired in a rush, his voice taking on a subtle pleading tone towards the end. It was as if he thought his firm desire for the little girl to be all right might miraculously manifest itself in the form of good news.

Dr. Moreau slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. I've just spoken with Amélie's mother and father and I wish I had better news to offer, but due to the degree of swelling in Amélie's brain, we decided it was necessary to induce a coma. We don't know how long we'll need to keep her under for, but as of this moment, this is her best defense against further damage being done."

I noticed Edward's hand trembling slightly by his side and I immediately stood, moving quickly to take it in mine. Edward squeezed my hand limply before making introductions.

"Dr. Moreau, this is my girlfriend, Isabella Swan. She's just arrived from the United States. Bella, this is Dr. Claude Moreau, head of emergency medicine here at The American Hospital of Paris."

"Nice to meet you, sir," I said while extending my hand. The friendly greeting seemed oddly out of place given the circumstances.

"Likewise Ms. Swan," Dr. Moreau nodded at me, offering me a slight smile as he gripped my hand.

"Have they changed their minds? Are Amélie's parents willing to meet with me yet?" Edward hopefully inquired, but Dr. Moreau just shook his head. My heart constricted tightly in my chest as Edward's face fell.

"I'm sorry, son. They appreciate the fact you've stayed and they've authorized me to give you updates, but they're not taking any visitors right now. Immediate family only," Dr. Moreau explained with a sympathetic air.

"Edward," Daniella said while sidling up to him on his other side. Her hand found purchase on his arm where she squeezed it lightly before letting it go. "Perhaps it's for the better. There's a certain protocol to be followed in these types of situations. I'm sure Melinda…"

Edward wheeled around and glared at Daniella, his cold, hardened stare effectively cutting her off.

"I don't give a damn about protocol, Daniella," he seethed. "Do you understand me? Not a god damned thing. There's a little girl just through those doors who is fighting for her life all because people were clamoring to see me. _Me_, Daniella…_me_!" He cried while pointing a finger at the center of his chest. "Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

Daniella flinched at the harsh tone of Edward's voice and I could see that he was very quickly losing control. Edward hardly ever cracked under pressure, but he was clearly exhausted, emotionally and physically, and I wasn't sure how much more he could take. I wondered absently when he'd last slept.

"Edward," I quietly called his name while stepping forward to wrap my fingers around his wrist. I began rubbing tiny circles in the center of his palm and his notably tense body slowly started to relax.

"Fuck…I'm…I'm sorry, Daniella. I didn't mean to yell at you," he muttered a few moments later while running his hands up through his hair. "I just…I feel like I'm losing my mind here."

"Baby, I know you're not going to want to hear this, but maybe we should to go back to the hotel. You can take a hot shower and try and get some rest," I gently suggested. "We can come back to the hospital later."

"She's right, Mr. Cullen. You've been here for nearly twenty-four hours straight. It's not likely Amélie's condition will change over the course of the next several hours…days, even, if I'm being completely honest. In the mean time, you'd do well to take care of yourself. You'll be of more use to everybody if you're rested and alert," Dr. Moreau said.

Jenks, who had remained quiet throughout most of our conversation, suddenly spoke up.

"Melinda's here," he relayed while pressing two fingers against the tiny microphone in his ear. "She's giving a brief statement to the media below before coming up."

"Very well," Dr. Moreau nodded at Jenks before turning back to face Edward and me. "If you'll excuse me, I've been awaiting your publicist's arrival. I'll only take a moment to debrief her before sending her your way." Edward nodded wearily, his eyes momentarily falling closed as he heaved a deep sigh.

"Come," I said quietly, while tugging gently on Edward's hand. I led him back to the chairs and together we sat and waited for Melinda to arrive.

Several hours later, I led a very weary Edward into his hotel room. I told him to go into his room and start a shower while I ordered us some room service. I was starving. I hadn't eaten in almost as many hours as Edward hadn't slept, and I knew that if I didn't eat something soon I was in danger of passing out. I hadn't been hungry on the plane, nor had I wanted anything at the hospital. But now that we were back in the hotel room, at least partially removed from the stress of the situation, hunger pains hit me full force. I ordered something light, two salads with an assortment of cheese and fruit, before digging into Edward's messenger bag to retrieve his phone. He'd need it to be charged so that Melinda could be in constant contact with us, but I doubted if he'd remember to do it himself.

Withdrawing his phone from the bag, curiosity got the best of me and I decided to try and turn it on. It wasn't like Edward to let his battery run down. In fact, ever since he'd arrived in Paris, we'd both made it a point to have our phones charged and with us at all times. Because of this, it struck me as odd that his had died. Not surprisingly, the phone sprung to life after I depressed the on button for several moments.

"Hey, Edward?" I called. I received a mumbled response in reply.

"Your phone isn't dead."

Edward popped his head out from behind the door, his naked chest causing stirrings deep within my gut. But I pushed those thoughts aside. Even though we hadn't seen each other in weeks, we were both completely exhausted. I was fairly certain Edward would collapse on top of me if we even tried to be intimate. This didn't stop me from staring at his partially unbuttoned jeans, however, nor did it keep me from imagining tracing my finger along the trail of soft hair that disappeared inside.

"Hmm," he said while scratching his head in bewilderment. "It must have accidentally turned off inside my bag," he supposed while stifling a large yawn with the back of his hand.

_That, or somebody turned it off_, I silently mused. I hated to think like that, but Daniella had been anything but friendly to me in the hospital and my guard was definitely up.

"Well, I've turned it back on. I'll bring it into the room with me when I come in. I'm just going to send a quick e-mail to Alice to confirm the boarding details for Johann. I left in such a rush I didn't have time to drop him off."

"All right," Edward said, smiling softly at me. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but I didn't expect it to. Edward was entirely preoccupied with Amélie right now and I knew he wouldn't be able to relax until he knew definitively she'd be all right…_if she'd be all right._

Edward walked back into the bedroom and I set about e-mailing Alice. Before I knew it, twenty minutes had passed and there was a soft knock at the door. I'd almost forgotten about our food but my stomach reminded me how hungry I was as I rooted through my bag for my wallet. Pulling a ten dollar bill from the folds, I realized I hadn't yet had a chance to exchange my dollars for Euros. Luckily, the serviceman didn't seem to mind. I signed for our food and handed over the tip before pulling the cart inside and shutting the door behind me.

It struck me then that I hadn't yet heard the shower running, so I walked across the room and peeked in on Edward only to find him passed on out his stomach, lying crosswise atop the bed. I watched him for a moment, his wild copper hair flopping lazily into his eyes, his lean, sculpted back gently rising and falling with every breath he took, before switching off the lights and gently pulling the covers out from underneath him. He stirred slightly and slipped underneath the sheets then murmured my name as he reached for me. Completely disregarding my grumbling stomach, I lay down beside him, pulling him to me and folding him into my arms. Holding him in the same manner in which he always held me, I quickly fell asleep.

Sometime after midnight I was roused awake by the feel of warm, strong hands roaming freely about my body. I blinked my eyes as sleep fell away, slightly disoriented by my surroundings until Edward's face came into focus.

"Hey," he breathed, smiling softly at me from where he lay beside me.

"Hey," I croaked, my voice cracking on the single syllable. I had been fast asleep and wasn't yet entirely awake.

"Take these off," Edward gently instructed, tugging softly at my clothes. His eyes held mine in a pointed gaze and I immediately rose from the bed to do his bidding. Soon I stood naked, and it wasn't until I had slipped back under the sheets that I realized that Edward was naked now too. As I molded my body against his, Edward's hands started exploring again. I lay still, gently combing my fingers through his hair and pulling it away from his eyes.

"I've missed you," he breathed as his hand skimmed down my thigh. His fingers paused beneath my knee, tracing small, geometric designs on the sensitive skin there before trailing down my calf and back up again. I shivered under his touch and Edward smiled down at me tenderly.

"I've missed you, too," I said, though the words weren't really necessary. Edward's hand moved smoothly up my back then, his fingers tangling into the hair at the base of my neck as he gently kneaded the muscles there. I sighed, leaning in to place a small kiss to the edge of his lips and Edward reciprocated, teasing my lips open with his tongue as he kissed me softly. We lay together for awhile, kissing and touching, and though I could feel his arousal pressing firmly against my stomach, neither one of us seemed inclined to do anything more than just touch. Edward eventually pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. Opening my eyes, I could see his own were troubled, the beautiful green I loved so much muddied now by worry.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, taking his face in both my hands. I rubbed my thumbs back and forth against his sandpaper skin and he sighed under my touch. Despite the fact I'd been in Paris for nearly half a day's time, Edward and I had yet to discuss what happened. I knew it was important for him to talk about it, but I also didn't want to push him too hard.

Edward shrugged.

"There's not much to talk about. Security's been shit here in Paris, you know that. Of course, I don't think the organizers were expecting quite so large a turn out at the event. It was a small book signing, for Christ's sake, but people had apparently been lined up outside for over twenty-four hours."

I shook my head. Even after all our months together, it was sometimes still hard for me to wrap my head around the level of hysteria that surrounded Edward.

"Only a certain number were allowed in and I knew there were a lot of disappointed fans, so afterwards, I asked if I could go outside and at least shake some hands," Edward continued to explain. "I realize now that was a mistake."

"Why?"

"There wasn't sufficient crowd control," Edward answered me, shaking his head sadly. "It was complete and total chaos, Bella. Ronald told me to shake a few hands near the front of the line but to keep moving towards the alley alongside the building where he'd already parked the car. I did as he asked while shaking a few hands here and there, but the crowd was so worked up, it was impossible to just pass by. Soon I started to feel overwhelmed. I just…I didn't know what to do to please everybody. And I _wanted_ to please them, Bella. I wanted to shake each and every one of their hands because they'd been standing outside and waiting for me for so long…"

"Baby, no matter what you do, you'll never be able to please everybody," I said while gently stroking the sides of his face. "Besides, I think most everyone who attends those types of events realizes there's a very slim chance they'll actually get to meet you. They just want a chance to see you in person."

"I know," Edward sullenly replied. "I just…I feel like there are these expectations of me…"

"Expectations you can't possibly live up to, nor are you obligated to fulfill," I reminded him gently. Edward nodded in acknowledgement, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before continuing.

"We'd almost reached the end of the line when it happened," he said, his voice quivering in the slightest as he remembered back to the traumatic turn of events. "There was a woman a bit further back in the crowd. She was crying…she had tears streaming down her face, Bella, and she was reaching her hand out toward mine. I…I didn't realize Amélie was behind her, I'm not so sure she did either. All I know is that I wanted so desperately to make her wait worth her while. I just wanted to shake her hand, goddamn it, but when I reached out, the crowd surged forward in a rush. There was sudden chaos and screaming, and the barricades separating me from the crowd were threatening to give way. Ronald grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of harm's way, but not before I heard the strangled cry of a woman, screaming that a child had been hurt."

Edward buried his head in the crook of my neck then, a series of small shudders shaking his large frame as silent tears fell from his eyes. He curled himself against me and we lay there quietly while I gently combed my fingers through his hair. Presently, Edward sighed, and when he next spoke, it was in a voice so small and broken my heart ached to do whatever was necessary to make his pain go away.

"I feel responsible for what happened, Bella. I feel like it's my fault," he quietly admitted. He moved away from me in order to look me in the eyes then and the pain and remorse I very clearly saw in his own reminded me of my own oppressive guilt. I swallowed thickly, struggling hard to find the right words to say to absolve him of his guilt. _It wasn't Edward's fault_. I knew this with absolute certainty. Sometimes things just happened over which we had no control. Sometimes things happened - people were inadvertently hurt in restless crowds, lives were lost in automobile accidents…I froze at that unexpected thought, my heart thundering madly in my chest and dampness welling in the corners of my eyes.

"Bella?" Edward worriedly asked.

"Gi…give me a minute, will you?" I quietly requested. Edward nodded his head and I closed my eyes, taking a moment to wrap my head around my previous thoughts, most importantly, around whether or not I truly believed the idea that sometimes things just happened. _Did they? _I'd shouldered the burden of guilt over my mother and brother's deaths for so long it was hard for me to convince myself of this. It was so difficult for me to accept the fact that no matter what I did, whether I would have allowed Daniel to sit in the front seat of the car or attempted to climb the mountain to seek help for my mother, I probably could not have saved their lives. Daniel was younger and much smaller than me, so chances are he wouldn't have survived even if he was seated up front. And my mother? I was fairly certain that she never would have survived the time it would have taken me to climb to the top of the mountain to look for help.

_Sometimes things just happened….. _

"Edward," I began slowly. "What if I told you that it wasn't your fault? What if I told you that I believed with all my heart that there are things that happen that we try and make sense of or take responsibility for but in truth, we really can't."

Edward swallowed thickly, a knowing look clearly written on his solemn face as he studied my own intently. He knew the significance of what I was saying, knew the worth of my words and that they not only had the power to absolve him, but me as well. And if it had been any other person telling him this, assuring him he wasn't to blame, I was certain he wouldn't have believed them. But it wasn't any other person, it was _me_.

"You…you really believe that?" He asked, and I knew I could be nothing less than completely honest with him. It wouldn't be fair to him…or me, if I wasn't.

"Yes," I whispered softly, nodding my head and reaching up to wipe at an errant tear that slipped unbidden from my eye.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured while gathering me into his arms and holding me close, and no other words were spoken. No other words were necessary, really. I'd said all I could to try and ease Edward's conscience. Both he and I knew he'd continue to be anxious until we received further word on Amélie's condition, but until then, I hoped my words would grant him at least a small amount of solace.

The next several days passed by in a blur. Amélie's condition remained unchanged and Edward had, at Melinda's insistence, reluctantly gone back to work. Scheduling was tight on this film and Edward's late arrival on set three weeks prior more or less dictated that every day would be spent working. I visited Edward on set once daily, but I tried not to linger too long so as not to be a distraction. Instead, I kept busy by visiting the Louvre and other famous museums, and strolling through the streets of Paris.

Surprisingly, Daniella had been lying low ever since my arrival. In fact, I'd yet to see her since leaving the hospital, although the same didn't hold true for Edward. She had passed by the set to see him on several occasions, but he said she didn't stay long and that she only wanted to see how he was doing. Despite this, I was still wary of Daniella. She'd already proven herself a wolf in sheep's clothing, and judging from the looks she'd given me the morning of my arrival, she still didn't stray far from that mark. Add to that the curious fact that she hadn't yet left Paris, despite the fact she had been scheduled to fly out days before, and I remained on guard, worried a confrontation was all but imminent.

It was early in the afternoon on the third day after I'd arrived, and I was sitting in a chaise in the middle of the small living room of Edward's suite. There still hadn't been any change in Amélie's condition. I was trying to remain optimistic, as her condition hadn't worsened, but Edward was growing increasingly anxious, waiting impatiently for a call from the hospital telling us everything was going to be okay. Today, he and Melinda, together with Amélie's primary attending physician and father, were attending an official press conference to discuss her current condition. National and international interest in the story was high, but while Melinda had briefly addressed the press on the day of her arrival, this was the first time Edward would be appearing before them. He was nervous in the morning, worried he might not be able to hold it together if tough questions were asked. Our talk several nights prior had helped, but I knew there was a part of him that still felt responsible for what happened. Only time or Amélie's recovery would change that.

My phone rang and I picked it up, assuming it was either Edward or Alice calling. Instead, I was surprised to see Xavier's name flash across the screen. I hesitated for a moment before answering, hit by a sudden wave of guilt. I hadn't yet spoken to Xavier since arriving in Paris.

"Hello?"

"Ma chérie? Is that you?" He tentatively asked.

"Hi, Xavier. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing well, thank you. I was actually calling to see how Edward was. I heard about the terrible accident with that poor young girl and I wanted to know how he was handling everything."

I sighed into the phone. Xavier's concern for Edward was touching and at that moment, very much appreciated. It was nice to know he cared enough to call.

"He's doing all right, Xavier. Thanks for asking. I'm actually here in Paris with him right now."

"You are?" He replied, sounding genuinely surprised.

"I am, and I'm sorry for not calling you before now. I've thought about it on several occasions, but as you might expect, things have been pretty crazy," I answered back apologetically.

"Of course, ma chérie. I understand," he soothed and the sympathetic tone of his voice told me I had nothing to apologize for. There was a moment's pause on the line and then Xavier spoke again, this time inviting me to meet him for coffee at a favorite shop of his off of the Avenue des Champs-Élysées. I was a little hesitant at first, thinking it would be best for me to wait in the room for Edward to return from his press conference. But then I reasoned that it would be several hours before that happened and in the mean time, I'd be sitting there all alone with nothing to do.

"That would be nice, Xavier," I said, graciously accepting his invitation. "To tell you the truth, I could use a little bit of company to help me take my mind off things."

"Then it's settled," he said. "I'll see you soon, Bella."

"See you soon," I echoed back before hanging up the line.

As I strolled down the Avenue des Champs-Élysées on my way to meet Xavier, I couldn't help but note that I was actually looking forward to seeing him. There had been a noticeable shift in our relationship over the course of the last few months to the point where I now found myself wanting to pursue a relationship with him. This was not to say that I didn't still harbor hurt feelings over the decisions he and my mother had made, but whether it was my progress in therapy, Edward's gentle urging or my father's blessing bestowed on me just days before, I was now open to the idea of getting to know Xavier. He was my biological father after all, and another connection to my mother. He would never replace Charlie; I knew that for a fact. But I was beginning to realize that he didn't have to. Ours could be a relationship born purely out of friendship and mutual respect, and, of course, our shared passion for music. To this end, I was excited to learn more about him. I'd been blown away by his Christmas gift to me and I realized that there was so much about him that I didn't know. For example, what had driven him to learn to play the cello? Did he come from a musical family? If so, did anybody else in his family play the cello? What had he learned under the tutelage of Pablo Casals? I wanted to know all of these things…all of these things and _more_.

Xavier was seated outdoors at a small table for two when I arrived. He was dressed casually in jeans and a lightweight cashmere sweater and he smiled warmly at me as I approached.

"Ma chérie," he murmured as he stood from where he was sitting. He held his arms out to me and I walked up to him, standing on tiptoe to kiss both of his cheeks before wrapping my arms around him and giving him a gentle squeeze. "I'm so glad to see you," he whispered into my hair.

"I'm glad to see you to," I replied honestly before taking my seat opposite him. I noticed there was a plate of pastries sitting in the center of the table and a steaming cup of coffee too.

"I took the liberty of ordering for you. I hope that's okay. I ordered the coffee black but there's cream and sugar if you please," Xavier said, motioning to the contents of the table with his hand.

"What if I didn't drink coffee?" I teased, and Xavier's brows shot up in surprise.

"You don't drink coffee?" He asked, as if the idea alone was sheer blasphemy.

"I'm kidding," I laughed softly, and I noted an amused grin tugging at his lips. "I practically live on the stuff."

Xavier sighed. "There's much that we don't know about each other, Bella," he mused as he fingered a packet of sugar on the table.

"There is," I thoughtfully agreed. "But I…I think I'm ready for that to change," I said shyly, and what was before a shadow of a grin on Xavier's face was now a radiant smile. I couldn't help but smile in return.

"That makes me very happy," he said, and my smile widened.

"So, how's your hand?" Xavier asked as he lifted his cup to his lips and took a sip of his coffee.

"Doing much better, thank you. It's only been six weeks since surgery but I'm already playing again."

"Oh, really? How's that going?"

"Slow," I laughed. "But it gets easier each day. I'm hopeful I'll make a full recovery, but my muscles are still frustratingly weak," I admitted.

"May I?" Xavier requested while reaching across the table and taking my hand in his. I nodded my approval and he proceeded to carefully examine it, gently manipulating each individual finger in much the same way my physical therapist in New York did.

"You're flexibility is good," he murmured. "Much better than I would have expected; there's very little in the way of stiffness. But I can feel the weakness you speak of." Xavier placed gentle pressure on my fore and middle fingers, the ones used to apply pressure to and help pivot the bow. There wasn't much resistance there. "Have you tried manipulating a pencil as means of strengthening the muscles?" He asked, and I smiled as I remembered my mother asking me to do the very same thing as a small child.

"I have," I said. "Mom used to have me do that all the time."

"Ah ha," he chuckled softly. "She learned that from me. I, in turn, learned it from my grandfather."

"Your grandfather? Really? Was he a cellist too?"

"Oui, oui, ma chérie, and a very talented one at that." Xavier replied, and he and I spent the next several hours chatting about his grandfather, who, it turned out, mostly raised him and his two younger brothers who were also musicians. Before I knew it, evening was knocking at the door. Edward called to let me know he was back at the hotel and I told Xavier I needed to get back to him. Before leaving though, I asked if he might have any pictures of his family that he could share with me another time. Xavier seemed thrilled by my request and he nodded at me, telling me he'd be delighted to. His face grew pensive then, and I was wondering what might have come over him when he withdrew a small photograph from his bag.

"Bella," he began, addressing me softly. "Before you go, I brought something with me that I thought you might like. I've treasured this for many years. It's a photograph of your mother playing Shostakovich's first cello concerto with the Orchestre National de France. It was a brilliant performance, and, as you can see in the picture, she positively shined the entire way through," he said, his eyes glazing over with sentiment as he momentarily relived the memory. I gratefully accepted the photograph, taking a moment to examine it before carefully tucking it away in my bag.

"You remind me so much of her when you play," Xavier murmured, and I closed my eyes at the rush of emotions that coursed through me.

"Thank you," I breathed, reaching up to wipe at the wetness that was pooling in my eyes.

"It's my pleasure, chérie."

When I walked through the door of the hotel room a little while later, all was still and quiet. The lights were weren't on and I was beginning to think that Edward had left when I heard a soft hum emanating from the room beyond. I called Edward's name, but there was no answer, so I crossed the small sitting room and entered the bedroom only to find Edward propped lazily against the headboard, a pile of pillows at his back and ear buds in his ears. I recognized the tune he was humming now; it was the second movement from Beethoven's 7th Symphony. I slid in beside Edward and he startled for a moment, obviously not having realized I was there, before offering me a small half smile and an ear bud.

"Care to listen?" He murmured.

"Of course," I said as I took the proffered ear bud and settled in beside him. Edward's arm fell around my shoulders as together we listened to the music. "You know, Beethoven himself said this movement was one of his best works. It had to be encored at the symphony's premiere."

"That's not surprising," Edward said. "The contrast between the volume and intensity really holds the listener's attention. Do you know if he was deaf when he composed it?"

I nodded my head.

"He was. In fact, he began to lose his hearing before he ever composed a single symphony. By the time he composed the 7th Symphony in 1811, he'd been going deaf for fourteen years."

Edward chuckled softly, squeezing me to him and leaning in to kiss the top of my head. "You're a veritable encyclopedia of information, did you know that?"

"Why do you say that?" I laughed, a small smile spreading slowly across my face.

"You know the year a specific symphony of Beethoven's was composed," Edward pointed out.

"Please," I playfully scoffed. "I know the specific year each of his ten symphonies was composed. Any self respecting music major would."

"Symphony No. 4," Edward teased good-humoredly, issuing me a friendly challenge.

"1806," I replied without even having to think about it.

"Symphony No. 6."

"The very lovely Pastoral Symphony was completed in 1808. You know it has five movements as opposed to four," I added, as this broke from the standard four movement symphonic form of the classical era.

"I didn't know that," Edward momentarily mused before offering forth yet another challenge.

"Symphony No. 10."

I sighed, feigning boredom with a fake yawn. "Well, he started work on it in 1824, but only the first movement was written in any great detail. He never finished it, but he did finish the 9th Symphony in the same year."

Edward harrumphed.

"Symphony No. 1."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you serious?" I asked, tilting my head upward so that I could look at his face. "Do you really think you can trip me up?" Edward stifled a laugh.

"Yes to the first question," he managed through a barely contained grin. "And _I wish_, to the second," he said, his laughter finally breaking free. I playfully slapped at his chest.

"No. 1 was composed in 1799, though there are supposedly sketches of the finale dating back to 1795. No. 2 was composed in 1801. No. 3, otherwise known as Eroica, was completed in 1804 and No. 5, one of the most popular and best known compositions in classical music, was composed over a period of four years between 1804 and 1808. Did I miss any of them?"

"No. 8," Edward teased, and in a completely unexpected move, he flipped me over, onto his chest.

"1812; are you happy now?" I laughed as he encircled me with his arms.

"Yes, very," he murmured while running his hand up and down my back. I smiled down at him, his face as happy and relaxed as I'd seen it since I arrived. It didn't stay that way for long, though. Soon it fell, his eyes clouding over with worry once again. I reached out and lovingly stroked the side of his face with my hand. Edward leaned into me, sighing at my touch.

"You haven't told me how things went today."

Edward shrugged.

"It went as well as can be expected, I guess. I just wish we had better news to announce."

"I know, baby. Did her doctors have anything new to say?"

Edward shook his head.

"Not really. She's more or less the same. The swelling continues to go down, but she's still in a coma."

"Well, I think it's a good sign the swelling's going down, isn't it?"

"I guess."

"Hey," I said while gently brushing his hair from his eyes. "Let's try and think positive."

"It's hard," Edward whispered sadly.

"I know it is, but let's at least try, okay?"

Edward stared at me for a moment before slowly nodding his head.

"Okay. I'm sorry; I don't mean to be so morose."

"It's okay, I understand."

"I know you do. I can't tell you what it means to me you're here with me right now. I'd be a complete wreck without you," Edward admitted while holding my gaze with his own. I smiled softly at him, the fingers of my right hand combing through his hair.

"You've been there for me since the moment we met. Now it's my turn to be there for you," I replied and Edward pulled me into a hug. His arms held me tight as he buried his face in my hair and we lay together a little while, the sounds of Beethoven's 9th Symphony passing between us.

"So, why Beethoven?" I asked after a few minute's time.

"Hmm?" Edward mumbled, sounding as if he was on the verge of falling asleep.

"Beethoven…is there any particular reason you were listening to him?" I wondered. Edward studied my face for a moment before cautiously answering my question.

"I was giving some thought as to whether or not I'm going to accept the role in his biopic."

"I was hoping you'd say that," I sheepishly admitted and Edward's brows arched upwards.

"Really? I mean, I know we haven't talked much about it, but I know I told you I was going to take a break after the werewolf trilogy wraps. If I accept this role, I'll be filming in Europe for most of the fall. We'd be separated…_again_."

"Well," I began slowly. "Maybe I could come with you." This caught Edward completely off guard and he shifted me off his chest and onto my side. He rolled to face me then, his eyes probing mine for answers.

"Bella, what are you saying? What about your responsibilities in New York? What about graduate school?"

I shrugged.

"Priorities change," I said, and I lay quietly for a moment, carefully considering my next words before finally giving up and just putting it out there.

"Edward, what if I told you I wanted to stay with you…_here_…_now_."

"What?" He practically gasped. "I thought we were talking about the fall..."

"We were…we _are_," I stammered. I'd given a lot of thought to this decision over the course of the last couple of days, but Edward hadn't been privy to those thoughts so it was understandable that he was surprised. I only hoped there was a part of him that was happy too…a part of him that wanted this as much as I did. "But I'm also talking about the here and now. I want to stay with you in Paris."

Edward stared at me, eyes wide open and mouth completely agape.

"Bella…" he began slowly. "I…I wasn't expecting this. Don't get me wrong…I'm thrilled you want to stay, but I feel like I asked you to come to Paris with me a hundred times over and you always said no. Why have you suddenly changed your mind? What about school?"

The questions were rolling off Edward's tongue faster than he could properly articulate them and I laughed softly, reaching out to cup his face in my hand.

"Slow down, baby," I said while gently rubbing his cheek with my thumb. "I know we haven't had much of a chance to talk about this, but I've decided not to continue with my studies this semester."

If I'd caught Edward off guard before, I'd completely blindsided him now. "I'm sorry," I hastened to say. "I wasn't trying to keep things from you. I was going to talk to you about it but then the accident happened and I rushed over here and…well…the timing just hasn't been right."

"Bella, I'm…I'm a little bit shocked, to say the least. You've always been adamant that you wanted to finish your degree, and I completely understand why. You've worked so hard and accomplished so much; I don't want you tossing everything aside just to stay with me. I appreciate it, truly I do, but I…I can't let you do that. It wouldn't be right."

"Edward," I began very seriously while leveling my eyes at him. "First off, I wouldn't be tossing everything aside. I've spoken with Elizabeth about this and she fully supports my decision. In fact, she's the one that suggested I take some time off. Secondly, I wouldn't be staying for you…I'd be staying for _us_. It wasn't so long ago you said those exact same words to me, remember? The thing is I didn't trust your judgment then. I worried you wanted to stay for the wrong reasons… because you felt you _had_ to, not because you _wanted_ to. But I understand now that wasn't the case. I don't want to stay with you because I feel I have to or that you wouldn't be okay without me. Despite what's happened, you're a strong man, Edward, and I _know_ that no matter how things play out, you'll be fine. The thing is, I really don't _want_ to be without you and I realize now I don't have to be. We don't have to be an ocean apart, baby. We can stay here, together, until you're through filming. And afterwards, well… I'll travel to the Midwest with you and finish out the trilogy by your side… if you'd like."

Edward looked at me as if I'd grown a third eye and honestly, I wondered if maybe I had. I wasn't exactly sure where all of this was coming from, but I felt more certain than ever that this was the right decision. Edward and I belonged together right now. Distance from each other would do neither one of us any good. We were both drowning in our own lives right now, but with each other, we could hold tight to a preserver. And once we'd managed to make it ashore, well maybe then we could figure out exactly how things were going to work, how we were going to balance both our personal _and_ professional goals and aspirations. But right now, what was most important was staying together because together we were managing to sort through and make sense of lives that didn't make much sense to us before.

"Please, baby," I whispered softly as my thumb stroked absently against his face. "I know I didn't have enough faith in your ability to make the right decision before and I'm so sorry for that. But I'm asking you now to have that faith in me. I want to stay," I said confidently. "I want to stay in Paris with you."

"What about therapy…your hand? Olivia?" He pushed, and I could see it in his eyes that he so desperately wanted me to stay, but he was worried about me and the sacrifices I would have to make in order to do that.

"I can phone conference with Olivia, and in all of Paris, there must be somebody who can work with my hand. Xavier might even be able to recommend someone," I suggested, and that seemed to do the trick.

"Okay," he relented, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"Really?" I pressed, just to be sure, and Edward pulled me to him, burying his face in my hair and whispering in my ear.

"Really."

Several weeks later, Edward was in the bedroom getting dressed, after which he had plans to meet Daniella for lunch. Daniella was still in Paris. She'd stayed on after I arrived, purportedly to be of additional support to Edward, and I had to say, her behavior over the course of these past few weeks had been relatively benign. Of course she _had_ neglected to invite _me_ to lunch today, but I didn't mind. I had plans with Xavier anyway, and they were infinitely more appealing to me than passing the lunch hour with Daniella.

Edward's cell rang just as he stepped out of the bedroom, shoes in hand. It was Melinda, and I knew immediately from her tone of voice that something had happened.

"Bella, where's Edward?" She breathlessly asked.

"He's here, getting ready to meet Daniella for lunch," I quickly answered.

"I think he's going to want to stop by the hospital first," Melinda excitedly said. "It's Amélie…she's finally woken up!"

"Oh my God!" I practically squealed.

"What?" Edward looked up at me from where he sat on the couch putting his shoes on, decidedly alarmed.

"Edward, it's Melinda…Amélie's awake!" Edward's eyes shot open in surprise.

"She is?"

I nodded my head enthusiastically and he quickly stood and moved to my side.

"How is she? Is she going to be okay?" He eagerly asked. I didn't know the answers to those questions so I handed over the phone so he could talk to Melinda himself. Twenty minutes later, we were on our way to the hospital.

Upon our arrival at the hospital, Ronald ushered Edward and I in through the same entrance Jenks and I had used the day I arrived. Once upstairs, I waited with Melinda while Edward met with Amélie and her parents in the intensive care unit. We'd learned from the doctors that Amélie wasn't yet out of the woods. There were still several series of tests scheduled in order to determine whether or not she had sustained any permanent brain damage. But they assured us that her spontaneous awakening from a comatose state was the surest sign yet she was on the road to recovery. The swelling had all but subsided now, and if the tests results were good, it was possible she would be released from the hospital in less than a week.

"Bella?" Melinda called my name from where she sat in a chair caddy corner to mine.

"Hmm?" I murmured as she came to sit by my side.

"I just want to thank you for standing by Edward through all of this. You probably don't realize what a support you've been to him but you have, and I'm grateful to you for that. "

"He does the same for me, Melinda. It's what two people who love each other do," I said while shrugging my shoulders.

Melinda stared at me in quiet contemplation for a moment before casting me a soft smile. "You're very good for each other, Bella," she said with a nod of her head. "I must admit I had my doubts in the beginning, but I shouldn't have." Melinda reached out to gently squeeze my arm then and I smiled back at her in appreciation.

"Thank you, Melinda," I murmured just as Edward walked through the door, and Melinda and I both redirected our attention at him.

"How is she?" I eagerly asked as I rose to my feet and walked towards him. Edward drew me in his arms and held me tightly while exhaling a deep sigh of relief.

"She's…she's weak, but astonishingly coherent. The doctor's are cautiously optimistic she's going to be okay."

"Oh, Edward," I sighed as I gently rubbed up and down his back. "I'm so happy she's okay."

"Me, too," he agreed while giving me a final squeeze. He released me then and after chatting with Melinda for a few minutes we departed the hospital, each of us going our respective ways.

It was mid-afternoon when I returned to the hotel room after spending the afternoon with Xavier. We'd been spending a lot time together over the past few weeks and slowly we were starting to develop a relationship. I wouldn't have said we'd reached the point of comfortable easiness with each other yet; that would take time. But we were taking the time to learn more about each other and I was finding that as we did, it was easier and easier for me to let my anger towards him go. Decisions had been made by him and my mother that had negatively impacted many lives, but I realized more with each passing day that I would only be doing _myself_ a disservice if I continued to punish him for this.

I had just changed into some comfortable yoga pants and a lightweight cotton t-shirt when an ashen faced Edward walked through the door. I was immediately worried, thinking that perhaps Amélie had taken a sudden turn for the worse, but then I noticed Edward holding some photographs in his hands… photographs of me and Xavier warmly embracing, and I knew that whatever it was that was wrong had absolutely nothing to do with Amélie.

"Edward?" I called his name cautiously, but his phone rang just then and he was momentarily distracted.

"Melinda?" He answered gruffly. He was _obviously_ stressed. "Yes, yes…I'm back at the hotel now. No…I haven't told her yet; I just got here. Are you sure there's nothing you can do? Fuck…okay, okay…I understand. I'll see you in a few minutes." Edward thrust his phone into his back pocket then before turning his attention back to me.

"Bella…we need to talk."

**Endnotes:**

Wishing all of you the warmest of holiday wishes. I'll see you again in the new year!


	36. Revelations

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the delay. You know…holidays and all.

Thanks to **azure0610 **for acting as Beta and to **aerobee82** for pre-reading this chapter for me!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Warning: There is sexual content in this chapter.

**Chapter 36 – Revelations**

**BPOV**

"Bella, we need to talk."

My eyes flitted from Edward's face to the photos in his hand and then back again.

"Edward, where did you get those pictures from?" I cautiously inquired. My heart rate increased exponentially as I steeled myself for his response. I knew whatever it was he had to say wouldn't be something I wanted to hear. Edward sighed, squeezing his eyes tightly shut before opening them and fixing me with an apologetic gaze.

"Daniella," he breathed while shaking his head sadly. "It was Daniella."

I really _shouldn't_ have been surprised by Edward's response, especially considering Daniella's behavior towards me when I first arrived in Paris, yet for some unfathomable reason, I was.

"Wh…what? How?" I stammered.

Edward swallowed hard, his eyes studiously scanning my face before answering my question.

"Apparently she and Jessica Stanley have been working together. I'm pretty sure Daniella hired her to try and dig up some dirt on you. There are pictures in here from Xavier's visit to New York, too," he sighed.

"New York?" I gasped.

Edward nodded solemnly. "From what I can gather, Daniella made contact with Jessica immediately following the premiere in November and asked her to keep tabs on you. They think you're having an affair with him."

"An affair?" I cried in total disbelief. "Jesus, Edward, Xavier's my fucking father!" And here I thought that Jessica had kept true to her word. As it turned out, she was just waiting in the wings for something more scandalous to print. "Does Daniella realize they've made a mistake?"

Edward fell momentarily silent, his eyes suddenly full of remorse.

"She does now," he answered me quietly. "I told her Xavier was your father."

"You…you what?" I stuttered, stunned by his admission.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said in a rush while moving quickly to my side. "I…I wasn't thinking…I was so angry with her for what she was suggesting and it just slipped out. Fuck…I made a huge mistake…I'm sorry."

It took me a few moments to wrap my head around what Edward was saying. I couldn't actually believe he'd told her. This wasn't exactly the type of information I wanted floating around…especially around Daniella. Then again, I couldn't really be angry with Edward when he'd obviously reacted without thinking. If I was being honest, I probably would have done the same.

"It's okay," I sighed while reaching out to him. I took his hands in mine and pulled him to me, pressing my forehead to his. "It was an accident. You didn't mean to, and I'm not upset with you. At least now she knows there's no illicit affair, right? We can just dispose of the pictures…"

Edward interrupted me with a shake of his head.

"I'm afraid it's too late for that," he said.

"Too late? Why?" I cautiously inquired, almost afraid to ask. I briefly shut my eyes, wondering how things could possibly be any worse.

"They've already released the photos to the press," Edward nervously sighed. "The newest issue of _Hollywood Today_ hits stands tomorrow and from what I can gather, it suggests you're having an affair."

Edward's words nearly bowled me over, making me feel as if I'd been punched in the gut by a hundred pound wrecking ball. Was he serious? Was he _really_ serious? I couldn't believe that Daniella had taken a very personal part of my life and twisted it into something that it wasn't. To make matters worse, she'd put it out there for the whole entire world to see.

O_ne miserable lie masking another_, I angrily thought.

"How could someone even believe something like that?" I cried. "He's more than twice my age, for Christ's sake!" I pulled away from Edward then and walked to the center of the room. I was completely overwhelmed, and I realized with a sinking feeling that I had no other choice now but to go public. Edward followed behind me, encircling my waist from behind.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he murmured.

"She had no right," I said, the words catching in the back of my throat as I struggled not to cry. "She had no right to spread lies!" Edward's arms tightened around me as he nodded in agreement.

"I want to see her," I said, turning sharply in his arms. The startled expression on Edward's face told me he hadn't been expecting that.

"Bella," he began slowly. "What's done is done. Melinda's on her way over here to try and help us figure things out. I don't really think speaking with Daniella would be a good ..."

"Listen," I said, interrupting him mid-sentence. My eyes settled in on his in an unwavering gaze. "You can tell me where Daniella's staying and take me to see her yourself or I'll find out from Ronald and go on my own."

I wasn't kidding. I was tired of feeling out of control of my own life. It had been too long since I'd felt empowered to take back control but I felt that way now, more so than ever before, and I intended to use that feeling to my advantage.

"You're sure…"

"Yes, Edward, I'm sure."

"Okay then…let's go."

Twenty minutes later we were on the 21st floor of Daniella's hotel walking briskly towards her suite. "We don't have much time. Her flight departs de Gaulle at half past nine and it's after six now," Edward explained as he ushered me down the hall.

"Are you sure she's still here?" I asked, worried we might already be too late.

"She should be," Edward assured me. "Ronald confirmed her driver's still parked outside."

"Good," I said, steeling my resolve as we approached her door. My confidence was waning a bit, but I chalked that up to the fact that I hadn't yet been able to reach Charlie or Xavier and I was anxious to fill them in on what was happening.

"Bella, what do you want me to do?" Edward asked as we paused outside her door. He was fidgeting, a little bit nervous, and as I turned to look up at him I could see that his first instinct was to try and protect me. Edward wanted to move in there and clean up the mess with as little involvement from me as possible, but as much as I appreciated his concern, that's not how I wanted the situation to play out.

"Nothing," I answered him quietly while forcefully rapping my knuckles against the wooden door. "I need to handle this on my own. This needs to come from me, okay?" Edward studied my face, searching for any sign of uncertainty on my part before slowing nodding his head. Just then, the door opened and Daniella appeared before us, an ugly scowl marring her otherwise beautiful face.

"What do you want?" She spat, leaving the door only partially ajar. Her eyes jumped from Edward's to mine, her usual icy, calm demeanor remaining firmly in place.

"Oh, I think you know what I want," I said, trying to my best to mirror her confidence.

"Go to hell, Bella," she spat just as she moved to slam the door. But I moved faster, jamming my foot between the frame and the door while Edward smacked his palm flat against it. Daniella stood, stunned, her coal black eyes boring straight into mine.

"Not so fast," I said. "We've got some unfinished business to attend to and we can either do it here, in the middle of the hallway where we're liable to cause a scene, or we can take this inside where we can talk it through in private, though you've far from afforded me that same courtesy." Edward's hand slid from the door to the small of my back while Daniella carefully considered her options. After a moment's time, she moved into her suite with Edward and me following close behind.

"So," she said, turning to face me and Edward once we'd all made our way inside. "What is it you'd like to say?" She stood with her arms crossed firmly atop her chest while her leather entrapped foot tapped loudly at her side. She seemed far from contrite, and her arrogant disposition was really starting to piss me off.

"You smug bitch," I breathed icily, and Daniella's eyes opened wide with shock. "Yes, that's right. You heard me," I continued. "Let's get something straight, shall we? I am _not_ the same woman you met last year – far from it, in fact. I'm stronger now, _much_ stronger, and I want to know what in the hell made you think you had any right to leak unsubstantiated lies about me to the press." Daniella stood very still, glaring at me as I waited for her to respond. But she said nothing, which only served to piss me off even more.

"You stole something from me!" I cried while taking a step forward into Daniella's face. This grabbed her attention and she shrunk back from me as a large hand took hold of my arm from behind. "You stole my right to decide when and where to disclose my past!"

"I didn't know he was your father," she spat, her voice completely devoid of remorse.

"And you think that exonerates you from your wrong doing?" I shouted back.

"I thought you were cheating on Edward. I thought he had the right to know," she answered me coolly, as if this reason alone made her actions defensible. I felt sick to my stomach.

"You had me stalked, Daniella, stalked by Jessica Stanley!" I yelled. "You purposefully tried to create trouble for me and Edward, probably hoping he'd seek solace in you from a broken heart. Jesus Christ, Daniella, can you really be that naïve? Isn't it clear as day that we're in love with each other?" I asked, reaching behind me to take Edward's hand. He stepped forward and slid his arm around my waist, bending down to kiss the top of my head.

"We're in love with each other, Daniella, and nothing you can do or say will _ever_ change that fact," I said, my voice softening a bit, because despite the fact that Daniella had acted maliciously towards me, I couldn't help but feel a little bit sorry for her. I wondered how I might have felt had I loved Edward from afar, only to watch him fall in love with someone else. I certainly wouldn't act as she had, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt…a lot.

"You say I stole something from you, but you stole something from me," she gritted out while pointing her index finger at me. "You stole Edward from me! You stole him away!" Daniella's voice was beginning to crack, and it was clear her dispassionate pretense was fading, the hurt and sorrow she plainly felt now clearly shining through.

"Daniella," I called her name, shaking my head at her naivety. "Edward was never yours to begin with. He _gave_ himself to me, just as I've _given_ myself to him. We've chosen to be together, and no matter how hard you try, you'll never succeed in breaking us up. So please, I'm asking you nicely, just give it up. _Give Edward up_. You've caused enough damage as it is; please don't make the situation between the two of you any worse than it already is."

"Why? Why should I?" She challenged while reaching up to wipe at the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes. "I'm still in love with him!"

"_But I'm not in love with you." _

Edward's voice sounded from beside me as he stepped forward to take command. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said, offering me a brief, apologetic glance. "I know I agreed to let you take the lead here, but Daniella needs to hear this from me one final time, because we won't be having this conversation again, _ever_. Do you understand, Daniella? We _won't_ be having this conversation again."

"Please, Edward…

"Enough!" Edward roared, having long ago lost his patience. "I trusted you, Daniella! Despite what happened at the premiere, you've been here for me in Paris, and for the sake of our professional relationship I was willing to try and forgive and forget. But it's clear now you had ulterior motives, and our friendship…what was left of it anyway…was never a priority to you."

"That's not true, Edward," Daniella countered on a shaky breath. "Please, just give me a chance to explain."

Edward shook his head sadly.

"There's nothing left to explain, Daniella. What's done is done. But let me be very clear, the games are going to stop. If they don't, you can be rest assured the media will be tipped off to your manipulative ways. I don't give a damn what Melinda and the studio or anybody else says, I'll expose you for who you really are and I won't think twice about it. Do you understand?"

Surprisingly, Daniella didn't try and argue. Instead, she merely nodded her head, her onyx eyes stained with tears as she quietly accepted her fate. Edward turned to me then, reaching out to gently take my hand.

"Is there anything else you'd like to say?" He whispered softly, offering me the chance to have the final say, but I shook my head.

"No. I've said all I came to say," I answered him truthfully, because what more could I say? What more could Edward say? Daniella clearly didn't see the error of her ways; she was the very definition of unrepentant and that didn't seem likely to change. We had many more pressing matters to attend to now anyway, namely deciding how to finally go public with the long buried truth of my past.

Without any one of us uttering another word, Edward and I exited Daniella's room and descended the elevator to the first floor. Ronald was waiting for us when the doors opened, and he quickly led us down a hall and out a door to where he'd parked the car in a narrow alley. Edward opened the door to the back seat, motioning for me to climb in first while Ronald moved around front and ducked into the driver's seat.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," Edward murmured once we were both tucked safely inside. He pulled me to him, putting his arm around my shoulder and squeezing me tightly against his chest. I took comfort in his embrace, running my hand from his stomach to his chest where I rested it atop his heart. "You handled yourself well."

"I suppose," I said rather halfheartedly. "It doesn't feel like we accomplished much, though. It really bothers me she was so unapologetic. She could have cared less about what she did."

I felt Edward sigh beneath me, as frustrated with the situation as I was. "I don't even know what to think anymore. She's not the person I once knew, Bella. She's not concerned with anybody but herself now."

"Isn't that the truth," I muttered, looking up at Edward from where my head lay on his chest. "I mean, she could have at least considered Xavier. Yes, he's my father, but she didn't know that. What if he had a wife, a family? I wonder if she gave that any thought at all."

"Probably not," Edward surmised.

"And now I can't even get in touch with Xavier or Charlie to let them know what's going on. It's making me really nervous, Edward."

"Try not to worry," he murmured softly against my ear. "We'll be back at the hotel soon and you can try calling them again."

Ten minutes later, we stood outside our suite. Edward had informed me that Melinda was already there, but I could have figured that out on my own given the loud string of obscenities that carried through the door and out into the hall.

"That's not good enough, Tom!" Melinda spat into her phone as we slipped inside the room. I had no idea who Tom was, but whoever he was, she was cutting him hard. "You owe me! I saved your ass from that shit storm of a public divorce your ex-wife put you through. Your reputation would be crap now if it wasn't for me. Get us on that show tomorrow night, god damn it, or else I won't be held accountable for what happens! Fine…good…I'll book the flights now. Call me in a bit." Melinda hung up the phone and without further ado spun around to face Edward and me.

"Bella," she said, her features softening as her eyes met mine. She walked toward me then, drawing me into an unexpected hug, and I went momentarily rigid in her arms. I didn't know what I was expecting from her, but a hug was definitely not it.

"I'm so sorry," she said while squeezing me tightly to her. "I'm so pissed off at Daniella right now I can barely see straight. I don't know what in the hell she was thinking, creating this sort of publicity just weeks before she and Edward start filming together again. And to force you to go public with your past…Bella, I'm just so sorry."

"She didn't know," I said while shaking my head sadly. I pulled back from Melinda's embrace and looked her in the eye. "She didn't know Xavier was my father."

"That's no excuse, Bella. She should have known better than to leak those photos. Really, any fool can see you're in love with Edward. You're clearly not walking in the footsteps of Calista Flockhart or Catherine Zeta-Jones."

I managed a quiet laugh at Melinda's little joke and she smiled back at me, drawing my face into her hands.

"You listen to me. We're going to fix this, okay? I can't take back what's been done, but I've been in contact with an old friend of mine and he's arranging for us to appear on _Diane Sawyer Live_, tomorrow evening."

"Tom?" I asked while quirking a brow. Melinda smirked.

"Yeah…Tom. He's an executive producer at CNN. Believe me…he'll pull through."

"CNN?" I asked, confused. "I thought Diane Sawyer worked for ABC..."

Melinda shook her head.

"She's CNN, now. She signed on to replace Larry King at the last minute, which is fortunate for us. She's the right person for this interview, Bella. Unless of course…" Melinda hesitated for a minute, and I wondered what was running through her mind.

"What?"

"Well, I hadn't really considered this, but there's always the option of not saying anything. We could remain quiet and bank on the likelihood that most people will dismiss the story as gossip."

I thought about what Melinda said. As far as we knew, no one had yet to uncover the truth. But now that those photos had been released, people's curiosity would be piqued and I knew it was only a matter of time before somebody figured it out. There was also Daniella to consider. The fact that she knew about Xavier was worrisome, and I was very well aware of the fact there was little to prevent her from leaking the information herself.

"No," I said while firmly shaking my head. "No more hiding. I'm ready to talk - _now_. Just make the arrangements and I'll be sure Charlie and Xavier are there."

"Okay," Melinda nodded, and I could see it in both her and Edward's eyes…they thought I was doing the right thing. I _knew_ I was doing the right thing, and with that I went into the bedroom to call both my fathers.

The following morning the lot of us - Edward, Ronald, Melinda, Xavier and I, boarded a Delta flight to Atlanta. Tom had pulled through and we were set to appear on _Diane Sawyer Live_ later that evening. I was a little nervous about how that was going to go, okay – _a lot nervous_, but judging from the whispered comments and blatant stares we'd received while making our way through the terminal, we'd made the right decision. _Hollywood Today_ had been on the stands for less than twenty-four hours, but already people were curious. They wanted to know who Xavier Bertrand was.

Our flight was uneventful and partway through, Edward fell asleep beside me, his head resting against the window. I glanced to the side, to where Xavier sat across the aisle from me, and noticed he looked lost in thought. Sliding my hand out from underneath Edward's, I unfastened my lap belt and stepped across the aisle.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" I asked Melinda. She was seated next to Xavier, flipping through a copy of the in-flight magazine.

"Not at all," she said, smiling up at me.

Taking her seat, I looked over at Xavier and nudged him in the side with my elbow.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself." He smiled softly, reaching across the armrest to gently squeeze my hand before quickly returning his to his lap. He was nervous about touching me, all too aware of prying eyes.

"How are you holding up?" I asked. Although I'd spoken with Xavier on the phone last night, we hadn't had much of a chance to talk and I was wondering how the unexpected turn of events was affecting him. This wasn't just my life that was about to be picked apart on national television…it was Xavier and Charlie's too.

"I'm fine, ma chérie. No need for you to worry about me."

"But I do," I spoke quietly, feeling suddenly, inexplicably shy. I looked down into my lap, fiddling anxiously with my hands until I felt Xavier's finger slowly lift my chin upwards.

"Thank you. Thank you for that. I worry about you too. It's really me who should be asking you how _you're_ doing."

I shrugged.

"I'm a little nervous, I guess."

"I can see," Xavier said, and his hand reached out to cover both of mine, stilling their nervous movement.

"I guess I'm not sure what to expect," I admitted. "I'm worried about what sort of questions Diane will ask and whether or not I'll be able to hold it together. I don't want to break down on national television."

"If you do, it will be understandable. I don't think anybody will judge you," Xavier pointed out.

"I guess…it's just, I don't know. Somehow this all feels so wrong…going on national television and baring our soul about private matters. I know it's necessary, but I really wish we didn't have to do it."

"I don't feel that way," Xavier said, and I looked up at him in surprise.

"To tell you the truth, Bella, I'm relieved. I've spent the last twenty-three years of my life living a lie that nearly cost me my relationship with you. Even now, I'll never get back the time I've lost, but at least by going public I feel like we can finally move forward, uninhibited if you will. We'll never have to wonder if or when the truth will come out."

"I understand what you're saying," I said with a gentle nod of my head. "I'm tired of hiding too. I just wish Charlie didn't have to be involved. He's a good man who's done nothing wrong. He deserves better."

"You both deserve better," Xavier whispered sadly, and in those few softly spoken words I felt the true weight of his guilt.

"I loved your mother, Bella, with all my heart, but I'll forever regret the pain we've caused both you and your father. Believe me when I say, we never intended to become involved with one another. I fought my feelings for Renee until the very end, but sometimes…" Xavier hesitated, as if uncertain as to how his next words would be received, but after a moment's time, he continued. "Sometimes love is a powerful force that cannot be denied."

Xavier's words surprised me, and I understood why he'd been hesitant to speak. In a way, it seemed as if he was attempting to excuse what he and Renee had done. He was avoiding taking responsibility for their behavior by saying they'd been guided by a force greater than their own will, and that bothered me a little. Regardless of what they felt for each other, my mother was a married woman when she met Xavier and it was wrong for them to have an affair. But, if I'd learned anything over these past few months, it was that love _was_ a powerful force, and I realized then that that if Xavier and my mother had shared even a fraction of the connection that Edward and I did, right or wrong, it would have been nearly impossible for them to stay away from each other.

"I understand," I whispered softly. "I think I understand how you felt about my mother."

Xavier turned kind eyes on me, his mouth turning up in a faint, wistful smile.

"I think maybe you do, chérie."

Xavier and I were quiet for a while then, and as I sat beside him I thought about how thankful I was to have him in my life. The thought caught me a little bit off guard as I hadn't realized how much Xavier had come to mean to mean to me, but he had. He was a part of me, and I a part of him, and as I slowly accepted him into my life, I could feel another part of my heart slowly start to heal. Piece by piece, I was putting my life back together, and I knew that whatever happened from this point forward Xavier would be there for me to love and support me, and I could never regret that. Though I wished he and Renee would have acted more responsibly all those years ago, I didn't regret their relationship or what had come of it.

"I don't regret it," I murmured softly, purposely verbalizing my thoughts, and Xavier looked over at me, curious eyes seeking mine.

"What's that, cherie?"

"I don't regret my past," I murmured. "I regret the accident, of course," I said, clarifying my thoughts. "But I don't regret mom meeting you."

That was all I could manage to say, but I could tell from the dampness in the corners of Xavier's eyes that it was enough. Taking my hand in his, he held onto it for the remainder of the flight, no longer concerned about what people might think.

Our flight arrived in Atlanta a little before four in the afternoon and it took every ounce of energy I could muster to drag myself off the plane. To put it mildly, I was exhausted. While Edward had slept for nearly half the flight, I had not been so fortunate. Sleep had evaded me, and having only slept a few hours the night before I knew that if I didn't rest before the show I would be both a physical and emotional wreck. Edward held me close to his side as we navigated the busy airport and I was grateful for his assistance. While I'd come a long way in terms of my ability to cope with camera flashes, my fatigue put me at a slight disadvantage and I didn't want to take any chances.

"Are you all right?" Edward murmured as we strode by curious onlookers. Amazingly, nobody had attempted to stop Edward, but with the expressions we both wore and Ronald and Melinda trailing close behind, it wasn't all that hard to understand why. Xavier brought up the rear, and I wondered if people were staring at him in the same manner in which they were staring at us.

"I'm fine," I whispered back. "Just tired." Edward pulled me closer, bending down to kiss the top of my head.

"We'll be at the hotel soon. We don't have to be to the studios for hair and make-up until seven, so you'll have time to rest."

I inwardly groaned at the prospect of having my hair coiffed and face painted, all for the sake of spilling my guts on national television. I would have much preferred to have been going to a spa with Alice, preparing for an elegant night out with Edward. Anything…even walking the red carpet again would have been preferable to appearing on _Diane Sawyer Live_. Edward must have sensed my growing anxiety because he squeezed me tightly to him, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

"You're not having second thoughts are you? Because we don't have to carry through with this if you are." Edward's voice was smooth and reassuring, letting me know it was okay for me to change my mind. But while I appreciated his unconditional support, I didn't really feel like I had many options.

"No," I said, shaking my head firmly. "I'm not. I'm just a little bit nervous, is all…more so than I thought."

"You'll be fine," Edward reassured me while running his hand the length of my arm. "And for what it's worth, I think you're making the right decision."

Just then, we passed through a set of large double doors and out into the open and I was immediately taken aback by a wave of desperate cries. Edward's name filled the air, rolling off the tongues of too many people to count, and I was left shaking my head, wondering where on earth everybody had come from. It was as if they had materialized out of nowhere, it had been so tame within the terminal itself, and all I could figure was that people must have tweeted our presence from inside, which aggravated me to no end. I tried not to scowl as questions regarding my relationship with Edward were shouted without shame, but it was close to impossible to remain unaffected. Ronald moved ahead of us, pushing his way through the large collection of photographers and fans, but the going was slow and one particularly obnoxious photographer caught our stride.

"Ms. Swan, is it true you're having an affair with Xavier Bertrand?" He called out while shoving a camera in front of my face. Edward froze in his tracks, quickly spinning towards the offending reporter while pulling me safely to the side.

"Leave her alone," he warned in a low and threatening voice.

"Edward, let it be." Melinda appeared from behind us, turning to the reporter and warning him off while Edward and I continued forward. A moment later, we were ushered inside a limo, and we moved quickly to the far corner of the rectangular shaped seat in order to accommodate the others.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Xavier commented as he took a seat across from me and Edward. Melinda moved in beside him with Ronald bringing up the rear. Soon we were on our way to the hotel.

"It could have been much worse," Melinda agreed. "Though I was pretty close to destroying that photographer's camera when he thrust it in Bella's face," she added, catching my eyes with her own.

"You and me both," Edward grumbled.

I didn't say much on the ride to the hotel. Instead, my thoughts drifted to Melinda and to how our relationship had changed over the course of the last several months. I would have never guessed it in the beginning, but Melinda had ended up being someone I could turn to and who I could depend on, and I was sincerely grateful to her for stepping forward and taking control of this situation. She looked out for me now, just as she looked out for Edward, and I couldn't help but think she might even care for me…_Edward aside_. When she'd hugged me in Paris, it had been an embrace that a mother might have given her hurting child. It had been warm, firm, supportive and sympathetic. And then just now, at the airport, when she'd fluidly stepped to my side, chasing off the obnoxious photographer who dared to upset me. It was clear she was protecting me, and I had to admit it was nice. It meant more to me than I cared to admit, the fact that Edward's family was quickly becoming my own, and even though I faced perhaps my greatest challenge yet, I knew I could draw strength from all those who surrounded me.

I tried to remember this as I lay in bed at the hotel, my thoughts, yet again, spinning wildly out of control. It was near to six now, and Edward had just awakened me from my nap before taking a quick shower. We were due at the studio within the hour, and with each passing minute I was growing increasingly anxious. The phone rang, startling me, and I jumped up out of bed and rushed into the sitting area to answer it. It was Olivia, checking to see how I was doing, and I couldn't have been more grateful for her call. We'd talked at length the night before but it was still good to hear her offer last minute words of encouragement. She took a moment to remind me of the importance of this step that I was taking, and told me she had the utmost faith in my ability to make it through the interview without falling apart. Even if I did, she reminded me that was okay. "There's no right or wrong in this, Bella," she said. "Just remember to be kind to yourself, and don't try to hide what you feel. Hiding hurts too much."

After speaking with Olivia, I decided to get dressed. While I did, I gave myself a little pep talk, doing my best to quell my ever growing nerves. I reminded myself that going public was inevitable, and that all things considered, it was better to do this now than later. Despite Daniella's interference, we still held the upper hand. Tonight, I'd tell my story on my own terms, and once it was out there, there'd be no more skeletons left in the closet, nothing left to hide. Maybe then I could relax and not worry so much about overly inquisitive reporters. That's what I hoped for, anyway. At the very minimum, it would certainly make my life a whole lot less complicated, and the burden of pretending to be somebody I wasn't would no longer be there. I only hoped it wouldn't be too difficult for Charlie, and that a part of him felt the same way I did.

Several hours later, I waited nervously outside a sound stage while final preparations for the interview took place. Charlie's flight had arrived late, and he'd been whisked off to hair and make-up immediately upon his arrival so I hadn't yet had a chance to see him. Thankfully, we'd talked briefly on the phone when he landed and discussed the basics of how the interview might go, as well as the fact that Sue had accompanied him on the trip. I was a little bit surprised to hear this, but I was aware that things between the two of them had grown increasingly serious over the last several months and I wondered if she was what made the difference for him…if she was what gave him the confidence to go through with this interview just as Edward gave me mine. As if he knew I was thinking about him, Edward gave my hand a gentle squeeze. It was his way of checking in with me, and I looked up at him appreciatively, squeezing his hand back and offering him as convincing a smile as I could in return.

"You okay?" He murmured, his sea green eyes finding and holding mine.

"I think I am," I said, surprising myself with how confident I sounded, and I began to wonder if maybe I wasn't as nervous as I thought I was, and that deep down the strong, self-assured woman I'd been working so hard to nurture was actually starting to shine through. I hoped so. I didn't have time to think too much about it though because just then Charlie rounded the corner.

"Dad!" I practically yelled. I let go of Edward's hand and all but ran to meet my father, reaching up and pulling him into a firm embrace when I finally stood before him.

"Hey, sweetheart," my dad said softly, dropping his hand from Sue's and wrapping his arms around me. "It's so good to see you, honey. I've missed you."

I held tight to my father, doing my best not to cry. Suddenly, the significance of what we were about to do hit me full force and I buried my head against his chest.  
"I love you, daddy," I said, gripping him fiercely.

"Shh, baby girl, I know. I love you too," my father whispered, his hand coming up to softly stroke my hair. We stood together for a bit, time passing us by and bringing us closer to the moment in which the interview would begin. Reluctantly, I let go of him, turning shyly to Sue.

"Hi Sue," I said. "It's nice to see you again."

I had to admit, I felt a little bit self-conscious standing there before her. The last time I'd seen Sue was when my father had signed me out of the treatment center against medical advice. Of course, that had been a long time ago and a lot had happened since then, but I still felt somewhat awkward. Sue seemed to sense this, and immediately worked to put me at ease.

"It's nice to see you again too, Bella," she said while smiling warmly at me. Without warning, she stepped forward and embraced me, giving me a gentle squeeze before letting me go. "Charlie was right. You've grown into a beautiful young woman."

Sue paused for a moment before continuing.

"You've been through so much Bella, but you're obviously a survivor. Today's no different than any other. You just have to go out there and remember who you are. Trust yourself, and everything will be just fine."

I nodded at Sue, whispering thanks for her unexpected yet welcome advice before waving Edward and Xavier over. Xavier stood off to the side while Edward greeted my father and I briefly introduced him to Sue. I called him over then, and he walked until he stood before Charlie.

"Charlie," he said, reaching out to shake my father's hand. Charlie didn't hesitate, and reflexively offered his right hand.

"Good to see you, Xavier," Charlie replied, and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

_My father, Charlie, was a good man._

Despite Charlie assuring me that he'd long ago come to terms with his past, I'd fully expected this meeting between my two fathers to be awkward. But I was wrong; it really wasn't. There was no animosity there - no tangible tension or palpable hurt feelings, only two men standing before each other who shared a common interest.

_Me. _

And there I stood, to my one side Xavier, the man who'd fathered me, given a little bit of himself to me and given me life, and to the other, Charlie, the man who'd nurtured me, loved me and helped me to grow into the woman that I was today. Overwhelming didn't even begin to describe what I was feeling, but there was little time to reflect on that as Melinda appeared before us, informing us it was time to move onstage. I swallowed hard, my heart thundering madly in my chest. I looked at Edward, then to Charlie and Sue and finally Xavier, and for a moment I felt a twinge of sadness because Xavier was all alone. But then again, I knew that he really wasn't because he had me now, and I was well aware that was more than he had ever hoped for. And to that end, as Edward grabbed my hand and Charlie grabbed Sue's, I reached out to give Xavier's arm a gentle squeeze, letting him know that he wasn't alone.

When we walked onstage, Diane was standing off to the side, talking animatedly with a producer. When she saw Edward and me, she excused herself from her conversation and moved quickly to where we both stood. After introducing herself, Diane took a moment to offer kind words of encouragement and I immediately felt more at ease. From what I could see, Diane appeared to be a lovely person and when she promised to conduct the interview with the utmost sensitivity, I couldn't have been more grateful.

Several minutes before eight, Edward and I sat beside Diane at a polished, glass top conference table. The first part of the interview was to be conducted with just Edward and me, so Charlie and Xavier waited offstage. Reaching out, I took a sip of water from the glass that rested in front of me and waited not so patiently as production assistants scrambled to make last minute adjustments. Moments later, the clock struck eight, and it was time to begin.

_We were live._

"Good evening. This is _Diane Sawyer Live_, direct from CNN studios in Atlanta. Tonight we have with us two guests, one of which most everyone is undoubtedly familiar with," Diane started, in a smooth and practiced tone of voice. "The very talented Edward Cullen stars opposite Daniella Martinez in the immensely popular Werewolf Trilogy. In addition, Edward has recently finished shooting _A Fated Love,_ a 1920s cross-cultural romance set in New York City and is currently filming another movie in Paris. Welcome, Edward." Edward nodded, offering a simple hello as Diane wrapped up her introduction. She looked to me next, smiling softly before continuing.

"And with us this evening as well is Isabella Swan, perhaps not so familiar a face to some, but indisputably just as talented as Edward. Isabella is an accomplished cellist, currently studying music at Julliard. She's traveled the world since she was a young child, performing with the likes of the Vienna Philharmonic, the London Symphony Orchestra and right here in the United States, our own Cleveland Orchestra and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. Welcome Isabella."

"Please, call me Bella," I kindly requested, doing my best to smile for the camera as the interview commenced. "It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you for having us." It seemed a little silly to say such a thing because of course, sitting behind an interview desk with Diane Sawyer was really the last place I wanted to be. But, regardless of how I truly felt I wanted to make the right impression and it had seemed like the most reasonable and polite thing to say.

"Bella," Diane said, her voice taking on a more serious tone. "You're here today to address some rumors that have recently made their way into the press that suggest you're involved with French cellist Xavier Bertrand."

I stiffened reflexively at Diane's words. I was a little bit surprised she'd referenced the heart of the matter so soon. I'd expected more of a lead in, and had to take a moment to compose myself before answering her.

"Ah…that's right," I said with a quiet nod of my head. "The…the images that have made their way into the media have been misinterpreted," I continued. "My relationship with Xavier Bertrand is not as it appears."

"You're dating Edward," she said in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice, and I turned to him, smiling lovingly before answering her question.

"I am."

"Why don't you tell me about that, Edward," she said, momentarily guiding the interview in another direction. "How did the two of you meet?"

Edward smiled, the movement spreading upwards and across his face, causing tiny creases in the corners of his eyes to appear. He took a sip of his water before briefly brushing his thumb and forefinger across his chin.

"Believe it or not, we met under very normal circumstances, on a red-eye flight from L.A. to New York. Bella was seated next to me…" Edward paused for a moment, smiling slyly at me before continuing. "She spilled her water on me," he said, his gorgeous smile morphing into a mischievous smirk.

"On accident, of course," Diane added with a little laugh, and I couldn't help but laugh quietly too. To this day, Edward still liked to tease me about that, accusing me of deliberately spilling water on him when he knew quite well that wasn't what happened.

"Of course," Edward agreed while winking at me. I smiled at him, shaking my head at his antics. But truthfully, I appreciated the lighthearted moment.

"But tell me, Edward," Diane continued. "Though you only just met Bella seven months ago, there's a history there that stretches farther back, isn't there?"

And there it was, the crux of the interview revealed. Suddenly, the atmosphere had changed and the levity of the moment before was gone. Edward hesitated a moment, his eyes briefly flickering to mine before he answered Diane's question.

"Yes there is," he confirmed quietly. "There's an unexpected history between us. To put it simply, fate has been doubly kind."

It seemed to me that time stood still over the next twenty or so minutes. I hardly recalled recounting my story, but after Edward explained that his father had saved my life one fateful spring night, I did. I recounted it all…and I even managed to do so without completely breaking down. Of course, as could only be expected there were moments in which I became teary-eyed. But, whether or not it was considered proper interview etiquette or not, Edward's arm would wrap firmly around my shoulder each time it happened, comforting me and giving me the confidence I needed to continue.

Soon I'd reached the point where it was time to speak of Xavier. I'd spoken of the accident and how Carlisle saved my life, but I hadn't yet spoken of Xavier and I felt myself tense as the question I'd been anticipating all evening was finally asked.

"Bella…" Diane began slowly, allowing me a moment to compose myself as I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. "I know this is difficult for you to sit here tonight and relive a very tragic part of your past. But part of the reason we're here is to address the rumor you're having an affair with Xavier Bertrand, and he is a part of that past, isn't he?"

"Yes," I spoke quietly, pausing only a moment before elaborating. "He is my biological father."

There was a moment's silence as Diane regarded me solemnly, and I felt Edward's hand slip from beneath the table to where mine rested on top and take it gingerly in his. He gripped it gently, rubbing his thumb soothingly back and forth along the tiny slip of skin between my thumb and forefinger and it helped to calm me, giving me something else to focus on other than my nerves.

"He's your biological father," Diane repeated, and I nodded my head in confirmation.

"He is."

"But you've never acknowledged him as such…"

"No," I shook my head softly. "Not until now."

There was another pause.

"Why is that?" Diane gently prodded.

I bit down on my lower lip, my eyes inexplicably filling with moisture yet again, and I wasn't exactly sure why. The hard part was over…I'd discussed the accident. It was supposed to be easier from this point forward, but it wasn't. I looked up to Edward and watched as his lips formed words meant only for me. "It will be all right," he murmured, and then he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I swallowed hard, closing my eyes and nodding at him before turning my attention back to Diane.

"There are many reasons," I answered thoughtfully. "Loyalty to my father, the only man I'd ever known as my father anyway. Fear of losing him to Xavier…a man I didn't even know. Anger also played an important role in my decision. I was so angry with both my mother and Xavier for being so deceitful. I wanted to punish them both, even though my mother was dead, because it was so much easier for me to feel angry about their affair than it was for me to actually face the fact that my mother and brother had died. My anger was displaced…I realize that now, but it took me a very long time to reach that conclusion."

"So, for nine years, your anger is what prevented you from acknowledging Xavier as your father?" Diane asked and I shook my head.

"It's not that simple. There were other factors at play, namely Xavier's prominence in the music community. Even at thirteen I was well aware of the fact that my family's misfortunes would play themselves out in the press and I didn't want that. I wasn't so much concerned about Xavier as I was about my father…Charlie. He deserved better than to have the details of his deceased wife's affair plastered across the front page of every gossip magazine out there," I explained.

"So you decided to remain quiet and keep your true identity hidden for nearly a decade."

"I did," I confirmed with a slight nod of my head. "I could think of no convincing reason to do otherwise…until I met Edward," I said. I turned my head to look up at him as I spoke and he smiled down at me, his eyes so full of warmth and love that I couldn't help but smile back.

"Tell me more about that," Diane said and I sighed, reaching out to take a sip of my water before I continued to tell my story.

During the remainder of the interview, I discussed how the secret I'd kept all those years had made it very difficult for me to have a normal relationship with Edward. I talked about the intense fear I felt that someone would uncover my past and that Edward's image would suffer because of it. I also spoke of the toll my secret had taken on my emotional well-being and how my fear of losing my identity had all but prevented me from really living. Edward and Diane listened intently as I explained to them that had all changed the moment I met Edward. For the first time ever, I'd wanted to move forward. I'd wanted to come to terms with my past so that I could be whole again for me, for Edward and for our relationship.

It was at this point in time that Xavier and Charlie joined us onstage. In the final minutes of the interview Diane initiated a discussion about the difficulties of leading life in the public eye, including the near inability of publically recognized figures to maintain some semblance of privacy in their lives. Specifically, we discussed how intense media scrutiny can often make one feel as if they have no choice but to hide truths about themselves for the fear that the choices they make will be unjustly condemned. I'd never know for sure, but a part of me suspected this may have been the reason my mother had decided to keep my paternity a secret. Xavier himself admitted that the negative press they would have surely received had they decided to go public might have cost him his prestigious teaching position at the Paris Conservatory of Music. Of course, their decision came at a grave cost to everybody, but thankfully we were all doing our part to change that now.

By the time the interview drew to a close, I was mentally exhausted but strangely enough, I was at ease - more so than I'd been in a very long time. In fact, I couldn't ever remember breathing so effortlessly. The tightness in my chest, that which had gripped my heart and nearly bled it dry over the past few months, was slowly receding and in its place crept in a quiet calm. And it wasn't the calm before the storm, as it had been in the past. Instead, it was the rainbow at the end of the flood, or as close to it as I figured I would ever get. I held my promise firmly in my hand, and he held to me just as tightly.

When we walked off stage, a rush of emotions consumed me and I felt my legs all but fall out from under me as I stumbled into my father's arms.

"Thank you…thank you so much for coming here to be with me tonight, Daddy," I said, salt stinging my eyes.

"Oh, Bella," he crooned. "I've been waiting for this day for so long. Maybe now you can start to move on with your life. It's all over now, sweetheart. There's nothing left to run from."

"Only something to run to," Edward murmured as he approached me from behind. I felt his arm run steadily up and down my back, comforting me while I remained in my father's embrace. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Xavier standing off to the side, and without even thinking about it, I slid one arm out from around my father's waist and motioned for him to join us. He approached us cautiously, unsure of what I might want, but when I reached out and took his hand in mine, he seemed to understand. And what may have seemed like a strange sight to any who passed us by was actually the most beautiful thing in the world to me because it was me, wholly wrapped up in the people I loved most in the world, save Alice.

There was a late dinner and tearful farewells and a promise on my part to visit my father soon. Then we were back at the hotel.

And there was Edward.

_And Edward was EVERYWHERE._

"Do you have any idea how sexy that was?" He mumbled as he tangled his fingers into my hair. His voice was heady and rough and his hips were pinning me against the door. It had happened in a flash, our movement from the hall and into our room, and I sighed as his lips found my neck, nipping at it and tasting it with his tongue as he pivoted his hips forward.

"Wh…what?" I barely managed to say. I felt suddenly drunk…my body reacting to Edward's touch in manners which were so familiar to me, yet at the same time always new.

"You," he clarified, pulling back to meet my heavy lidded gaze. "So sexy, so self-assured, so fucking amazing," he murmured while kissing along my jaw up to my ear. He paused there, gently taking my lobe between his teeth and softly biting down. "It turns me on," he breathed before tracing the shell of my ear with his tongue.

"I can see that," I teased. "It seems you prefer a strong, confident woman to the damsel in distress." Edward paused, his tongue momentarily ceasing its delicious torture as he pulled back from me. Reaching up, he took my face between the palms of his two hands.

"I love you no matter who or what you are, Bella. You should know that by now." His expression was so serious, but I couldn't help but smile.

"Edward, I know you do. I was only teasing," I said as I combed the fingers of both my hands through the hair at the nape of his neck. Edward's body noticeably relaxed as he breathed a sigh of relief, and I realized then just how tense he was. I hadn't really given it much thought, but I knew that he must have been worried about me tonight. Now that the interview was over, we could both breathe easier…we could both relax and try and enjoy this moment together.

"I love you," I said, my fingers gently pulling through his hair. I stood on tip toe and pressed my lips softly to his, hoping to recapture some of the excitement from the moment before. Edward's lips moved compliantly against mine, kissing me slowly at first. But then his tongue darted out, and he traced the perimeter of my lower lip before slipping it deep inside my mouth. And just like that, the feeling was back. Our kisses grew more heated and Edward stepped forward, his solid erection brushing against my stomach. I gasped, letting my arms drop from his hair to his behind where I tried my best to pull him closer…anything to create friction where I needed it the most.

"Want…you…" Edward breathed as his lips once again found purchase on my neck. I let out a soft moan as his hands slipped under my blouse, crawling lithely up my stomach and hungrily encircling my breasts. "Want this gone," he mumbled, pulling in frustration at my bra. I was going to assist him in removing it, but quickly found that wouldn't be necessary as he roughly pulled open my blouse, popping the buttons one by one and sending them flying across the room. Edward's hands moved to my shoulders then, sliding the straps of my bra down my arms before freeing my breasts from their unwelcome enclosure. Finally, his prize was before him, and he fell to his knees before me and sucked my right nipple into his mouth. I gasped, the sensation nearly overwhelming me. Edward knew how sensitive my breasts were. He knew how with just a few firm pulls of his mouth and the slightest bit of pressure to my…

"Aahh, Edward," I cried out, giving in to what may have possibly been one of the most quickly achieved orgasms of my entire life. All the tension and stress from the day melted away as I stood with my back against the hotel room door, panting. Edward glanced up at me from where he continued to lap at my nipple, cocking the most beautiful smirk I'd ever seen. He was proud of himself, no doubt, and I figured that was fine with me. I wouldn't even try and pretend that he didn't own me…mind, body and soul, because he _did_ and _had_ for a very long time.

"Shall we take this into the room?" I asked, reaching out with my hand and pulling him to his feet. My hand grazed over his erection in the process, stiff and unyielding through the fabric of his pants, and I was suddenly overcome with desire. With one hand I squeezed him, palming him firmly and smiling to myself when I heard him groan. I held his face close to mine with my other hand, telling him with my lips just how much I wanted him. We stumbled backwards, neither one of us keen to break contact with the other, and somehow made it to the bed. The back of Edward's knees hit the bed first and he fell back, pulling me with him so that I straddled his thighs. Slowly, oh so slowly I crept up his torso, teasing him by hovering just above where I knew he wanted me to rest. His hips thrust upwards, but I shook my head, bending down to kiss him deeply.

"Bella, please," he mumbled into my mouth, his tongue tangling wildly with mine as he matched me kiss for kiss. "Please don't tease me." Edward begged me with his words, his eyes, his hips, his lips…and who was I to deny him? I settled on top of him, letting out a slow sigh as I gently rocked my hips forward.

"Yessss," he hissed, drunk off his lust. "Fuck that feels good."

I'd be the first to admit that I loved it when Edward talked dirty to me. There was just something about hearing the word "_fuck_" fall so effortlessly from his lips that drove me mad with want and desire. That single word alone had triggered countless orgasms in our time together, and although I'd already come I felt myself teetering on the precipice once again. But I'd had my release already, and I wanted Edward to have his too so I scooted back along his torso until I rested between his legs. Popping open the button on his pants, I slowly pulled the zipper down revealing his navy blue boxer briefs, his erection firmly encased inside. A curious noise distracted me, and I looked up to the site of Edward licking his lips, his gaze heavy and hooded.

"You want this, baby?" I asked before bending over and placing my lips against the thin cotton material of his boxers. Edward squirmed, his hips thrusting upwards as his hands simultaneously pushed his boxers out of the way.

"So impatient," I teased, and a sound that closely resembled a growl escaped Edward's throat as he gently guided my mouth to where he wanted it most. I didn't fight him. I'd teased him long enough and it was his turn to be steeped in bliss.

"God, yes," he hissed as my mouth finally made contact with his cock. I slid my mouth along his shaft until he was almost entirely encased within it, then I slowly worked my way back up, sucking hard before releasing him with a pop.

Edward groaned.

"Can I try something?" I asked, not immediately taking him back into my mouth. Edward's eyes met mine, hooded and glazed over with desire, and though he appeared somewhat confused by my question, he still shook his head yes. With that, I took Edward's arousal between the thumb and forefinger of both my hands and began to gently massage him, sliding my fingers up and down in the space just below the head.

"Oh fuuuuck that feels good," he said while stretching his arms out behind his head. I inwardly smiled, happy that I seemed to be doing it right. Alice had described this technique to me in detail. It was supposed to be a slow tug of sorts, an erotic massage that stimulated the area just below the head of the penis and brought a man to orgasm with gentle, focused strokes. From the sounds Edward was making, it appeared to be working. Slow moans escaped his throat as he stiffened further, and it didn't take long before he was grunting, thrusting upwards and erupting in my hands.

"Jesus, Bella," he breathed, pulling me from between his legs and to his side. He kissed the top of my head as his breathing slowly regulated and asked me where on earth I'd learned to do that.

"Well…I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," I teased. Edward laughed.

"I think maybe you already have, baby."

After cleaning ourselves up, Edward and I lay in bed together, enjoying the quiet and the still of the night. Soon we were making love to each other and afterwards we drifted off to sleep. Morning broke through the window several hours later, much sooner than I would have liked, and I sighed at the prospect of jumping back on another plane, kind of wishing we could lie in bed all day instead.

"It feels strange to be leaving so soon," I said while yawning against Edward's chest. "We just got here. I wish we could stay longer."

Edward pulled me close, his hand smoothing through my hair as he pressed a soft kiss to my temple.

"I know, baby. I wish I could, but I really have to get back to Paris."

"I know."

"You could always stay behind," he offered, tilting my head upwards so that he could look me in the eye.

"Uh uh," I said with a firm shake of my head. "Where you go, I go." Edward smiled down at me, at once amused and I think secretly thankful for my stubbornness.

"Well in that case, I suggest we jump into the shower and maybe fool around a bit before we have to blow this joint," he said, and I laughed out loud at his utter lack of couth.

"I'm following your lead," I answered him back, and Edward grinned at me as he slipped out from underneath the covers. I followed close behind, but paused when I heard my cell phone ringing from somewhere in the other room.

"Give me a sec, okay?" Edward nodded, telling me he'd warm up the water for us before disappearing into the bathroom. Walking into the sitting area, I retrieved my phone from my purse, wondering who was calling. When I looked at the caller ID, I was a little surprised to see it was Jasper, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he would be calling me at seven o'clock in the morning.

"Hey, Jasper, what's up?" I said just moments before my whole world fell in around me.

**Endnotes:**

Sorry…I always seem to end chapters with mysterious phone calls. I'm going to have to work to change that in my next story, lol.

I just wanted to mention that the show that Bella and Edward appeared on - _Diane Sawyer Live_ was completely fabricated on my part. There is no such show and of course, Piers Morgan has taken over for Larry King. I just liked the idea of Diane conducting the interview. I like her style.

Thanks for reading. Three more and an epilogue to go.


	37. New Horizons

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

Thanks to **azure0610** for all her fantastic beta work and to **aerobee82** for pre-reading!

**Chapter 37 - New Horizons**

**BPOV**

"What's taking so long?" I asked, frustration clear in my voice. My leg was shaking nearly uncontrollably and Edward reached over, placing his hand on the inside of my thigh, stilling my nervous movement.

"Bella, please. For your sake and for Alice's, try and settle down." His words weren't meant to chastise, I knew that. They were spoken with loving concern, but still, I couldn't help but feel irritable. We'd come so close to losing her…to losing _them_…and I knew I wouldn't be able to pull it together until I saw her, saw with my own eyes that she really was fine.

"God, is it just me or is it hot in here?" I wondered as I suddenly jumped up from where I sat. I started pacing the small waiting room, wondering for the thousandth time where in the hell Jasper was. Edward and I had arrived at the hospital over an hour ago, after having caught the first flight out of Atlanta to New York. I'd expected to be able to see Alice right away, and Edward had been forced to hold me back when they told me that wouldn't be possible.

"What do you mean I can't see her?" I practically cried.

"Family only," the nurse coolly spoke, and I'd nearly hit her. Alice _was_ my family…my sister…my best friend.

"I should have just lied," I muttered, shaking my head in irritation as I thought back to our exchange.

"Bella."

I felt strong hands clasp my shoulders, bringing my anxious pacing to an immediate halt. I looked up, startled by the stern tone of Edward's voice. "Baby, please. You're going to drive yourself and me mad. Alice is going to be just fine. Please try and keep sight of that."

"I…I…I'm sorry," I stammered. "You're right. I don't know what's wrong with me," I said, just as my eyes welled with tears.

"Sweetheart, do you have any idea what you've been through over the past twenty-four…hell, forty-eight hours?" Edward murmured as he swept the pads of his thumbs beneath both my eyes. His hands moved to cup my face then, my lower lip trembling as I struggled not to fall apart. And suddenly, it was all too much. I'd been fine, I'd been holding it together just fine until now, but when Edward touched me like that, it was as if he gave me the permission I didn't even know I needed to just let go. So I did. My head fell forward onto Edward's chest, my tears wetting the front of his shirt as he held me while I cried. I didn't hold back, and instead gave into all the stress and emotion of the last several days. Soon my muffled sobs subsided, and as I listened closely to the beat of Edward's heart, I thought to myself that sometimes it was the simple things, the sound of something so sure and strong and vital that brought us back to what was important.

_Life_.

Alice was alive. Her _baby_ was alive…that's what was important.

Almost in time with that thought, the door to the waiting room swung open and Jasper passed through.

"Jasper!" I cried, disentangling myself from Edward's arms and running to him.

"Hey…hey there," he said as I engulfed him in a strong embrace. His left hand moved to rest securely in the small of my back while his right hand gently stroked the back of my head as he held me against his chest. "Thanks for coming so quickly. She's been asking about you," he murmured.

"Oh, Jasper, nothing could have kept me away. How is she?" I pulled away from him, anxious eyes searching his weary face for answers.

Jasper sighed, the stress of Alice's hospitalization obviously taking a huge toll on him. Dark circles rimmed his eyes and I wondered how long he'd been here.

"She's better now, but they want to keep her hooked up to an IV for another twenty-four hours. I'm hoping they'll let us go home tomorrow. I'm sorry…that's what kept me. We were waiting for her attending physician to stop in and see us."

"It's okay," I said, reaching up to smooth the hair out of his face. "She's okay…the baby's okay. That's all that matters."

"I'm going to be a father, Bella," Jasper said, his voice a mixture of sheer wonder and disbelief. "Can you believe it?"

I shook my head, because really, I couldn't. Everything was happening so fast. Up until yesterday, I'd always believed Alice couldn't have children, and now here she was…seven months pregnant.

"It's all so…unbelievable," I murmured.

"I'm scared shitless," he half breathed, half laughed, and though I wasn't in his situation, I thought I could understand. I would have been freaking out too if I'd found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. In Alice's case, she was already seven months along so there wasn't much time to get used to the idea. Soon the baby would be here and together they'd be thrown head first into parenthood.

I wasn't really sure what I could say in that moment to reassure Jasper, so I simply stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "You're going to be a fantastic father," I murmured, and I felt him smile against me.

"Thank you," he whispered back while pulling me into another hug. "Would you like to see her now?"

"Can I?"

"Absolutely. Maybe you'd like a little time alone with her? Edward and I could grab a bite to eat…"

"Of course," Edward said stepping forward from where he'd been hanging off to the side. "Let me buy you lunch in the cafeteria."

Jasper turned grateful eyes on Edward. "I'd really appreciate that, man. I haven't had anything to eat since we arrived here yesterday afternoon."

"Yesterday afternoon?" I repeated while narrowing my eyes. "But…you didn't call until this morning. When was Alice admitted?"

"Lunchtime, yesterday afternoon," Jasper sheepishly admitted. "I'm sorry, Bella," he continued in a rush. "I would have called earlier but Alice forbade me. You know, with the interview and everything…she didn't want you to worry."

I took a deep breath, trying not to be too upset. I didn't like that I'd been kept in the dark for so long, but I also knew what was most important now was that Alice was okay.

"It's okay, Jazz," I said. "Just…don't do that again, okay? Nothing is more important to me than Alice's health. Do you understand? She's…she's…" I tried to find the exact words to describe exactly what Alice meant to me but my eyes filled with tears instead, making it difficult for me to focus.

"Shhh, I know" Jasper soothed, reaching out to take my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "She feels the same way about you." I nodded, allowing Edward to draw me to his side for a quick hug before Jasper led us out of the waiting room and through several brightly illuminated halls to Room 207.

"I'll see you in a bit, okay?" Edward murmured as he pressed his lips to my forehead. I smiled up at him and then at Jasper before they strode back down the hall and out of sight.

Taking a deep breath, I fought back the strong urge I felt to rush through the door and grab Alice up into my arms. Instead, I tried my best to appear strong and composed, but when I pushed open the door the sight before me caused me to gasp. It was a small sound, one I attempted to stifle with the back of my hand, but Alice heard me and opened her eyes from where she lay resting on the bed.

"Bella?" She called to me, her voice small and hoarse, and I watched as she lifted her hand from her side and held it out to me. My mind was swimming at the sight before me. Alice was hooked up to a countless number of machines, each of them emitting their own, unnerving sound. A rhythmic beep sounded out above the rest, and I focused on that…the life of my best friend and that of her unborn baby. It centered me, and reminded me why I was there.

"Oh Alice," I whispered. I crossed the room, gingerly taking her hand in mine and bringing it to my face. "I'm so sorry, honey," I said, closing my eyes and pressing the palm of her hand against my cheek. I wondered if she could feel my tears as they slipped from my eyes. If she did, she didn't say anything.

"I came as soon as I heard," I said. I opened my eyes and looked down at Alice and she nodded at me. "I would have been here sooner but…"

Alice lifted her free hand and waved me off. "Don't," she spoke quietly. "I wouldn't let Jasper call you until this morning. I'm sorry I didn't call before the interview."

"Oh no you don't," I said while pulling up a chair to the side of the bed. "For once, this isn't about me. This is about you, honey," I said, my voice catching in the back of my throat. I took her hand in mine again, staring down at her pallid face. "How…what…oh my God, you're going to be a mother." The words just sort of tumbled out unthinkingly, just like the tears that fell from my eyes. I couldn't help but laugh a little as Alice's eyes filled with her own.

"I know," she managed to say, shaking her head and laughing right along with me. "Can you believe it?"

I looked to Alice's belly, which was just as slim and flat as ever, and I really _couldn't_ believe it, much less the fact that she was seven months along.

"I…I…no," I admitted, shaking my head in wonder. "I really can't. How did this even happen?"

I knew Alice must not have been feeling too badly when she cocked a wry smile, the smart aleck in her rearing its ever present head. "Do you really need me to tell you how?" She asked.

"Smartass," I slapped her playfully. She laughed with me before reaching over to place her hand over mine.

"I'm so glad you're here, Bella," she sighed.

"Me too, honey, but I still want to know how this happened."

Alice spent the next twenty minutes recounting the last seven months of her life and how while we'd all thought she'd been suffering from a combination of the flu and exhaustion, she'd really been pregnant. As best the doctors could figure, Alice had become pregnant the September before, coincidentally around the same time she had gone on a precautionary course of antibiotics before having some dental work done. The antibiotics had reduced the effectiveness of her birth control and she miraculously conceived a baby, despite suffering from a very severe case of ovarian cysts.

Symptoms we had all attributed to the flu turned out to be prolonged morning sickness, which explained why Alice had lost so much weight over the last several months. I did wonder why she didn't suspect pregnancy when she didn't have her period, but she reminded me that due to her rigorous dancing and cysts, she often went months without experiencing a regular cycle. Besides, there had been bleeding, bleeding which we now knew was a symptom of placenta previa and not a menstrual cycle as Alice had mistakenly thought. In Alice's case, she suffered from complete previa, where the placenta completely covered her cervix. This meant that Alice was at risk for preterm labor and would need to remain on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy.

"I'm not quite sure how I'm going to manage it," Alice admitted as she told me about her doctor prescribed bed rest. "Jasper's so busy with school he won't be much help to me. And mom's flying in tomorrow, but you know her, I doubt she'll stay more than a couple of days. I'm sure she'll have some matter back home she'll need to attend to," Alice said sadly.

"I'll stay," I whispered softly, without even giving it a second thought. Alice's eyes shot to mine and I smiled lovingly at her, reaching out to softly stroke her cheek. "I'll do it, I'll stay. It's my turn to take care of you."

Alice's eyes filled with tears as she registered the meaning of my words. "Bella…n…no," she stammered before I cut her off.

"This isn't a choice, Alice. I'm going to stay. I _want_ to stay. You need me now and I want to be there for you."

"But what about Paris?" She asked weakly, because she knew she was fighting a losing battle I wasn't really sure she wanted to win, anyway. Alice knew she required help that Jasper just couldn't provide. There was always the option of hired help, but why would she do that when she had me? Alice had given so much of herself over the years without me ever having to ask. When my mother passed away she practically moved in with me, sleeping in bed with me every night and comforting me during my frequent breakdowns. Even as grown adults, embarking on our lives in New York, she'd continued to be the one who centered me, the only one who ever really understood me…until Edward that is. Now, at a point in her life when Alice needed me the most, it was time for me to do for her what she had been doing for me all along.

"I'll speak with Edward, of course. I don't want to make a unilateral decision without him, but I already know what he's going to say, Alice. He'll want me to stay. He'll want me to help take care of you. Besides, we're not talking about an extended period of time here, just until the baby is born. Classes will be out by then and you and Jasper can focus on raising your baby together."

"It's a boy, you know," Alice whispered softly, and my eyes grew wide with wonder.

"It's…it's a boy?" I dumbly asked, because hadn't she just said that? Alice nodded, her hand instinctively moving to her belly where she started to lightly caress back and forth.

"Oh Alice," I murmured. Somehow knowing it was a boy made it all the more real to me. I tentatively reached out my hand, silently requesting permission to touch her stomach. Alice smiled at me while gingerly taking my hand. She held it against her belly and gently pushed down. I was surprised to find that while her stomach didn't in any way resemble the round shape one would expect, it was still surprisingly firm. Pressing a little harder, we encountered something with a pointed feel...and then I felt it - the tiniest of sensations, a gentle ping that traveled through her stomach and reverberated though my hand.

"Oh my God," I gasped. "Was that…did he?"

Alice nodded. "That's his foot," she proudly said. "And he just kicked us."

Alice and I talked for a little while more before the boys returned from lunch. In his hand, Jasper carried the largest size milkshake I'd ever seen and he winked at Alice, telling her he'd cleared it with the doctor and it was time to start putting on some weight. Alice sighed, feigning annoyance, but it wasn't hard to miss the look in either one of their eyes, the look of pure wonder and love that said they were going to be first time parents.

After saying our goodbyes and me promising to return the following morning, Edward and I slipped out, giving Alice and Jasper some time together alone. We caught a cab back to our apartment where I practically inhaled the sandwich Edward had picked up for me. I was ravenous since I hadn't eaten anything all day, and when I was through I wandered over to the couch, which was painfully devoid of Johann, and pat the space beside me.

"Come sit with me," I said.

Edward slipped off his shoes and grabbed the afghan from the back of the couch before settling in beside me. His left arm encircled me and I snuggled into his chest as he covered us up and we propped our feet up on the ottoman.

"You must be exhausted," he murmured against my hair. He placed a kiss against my temple and told me to sleep.

Edward was right. I _was_ exhausted, but I didn't really want to sleep. Not yet, anyway. What I really wanted was to talk to him about staying behind to take care of Alice, but he started humming a soft tune in my ear and despite my best efforts I felt myself start to relax against him. Soon my eyes were fluttering closed, and when his hand started traveling up and down my arm, soothing me with his gentle touch, I was lost. Within a matter of minutes I was asleep.

When I awoke it was dark outside. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep, but judging from the horrible crick in my neck, it had been awhile. Edward had dozed off too at some point, but when I lifted my head from his chest he roused, his eyes immediately wide and focused as he tried to figure out where in the hell he was.

"Hey," I said, reaching out to stroke my hand against his gruff cheek. "We're in New York, at my apartment," I said, unable to suppress my smile. Edward sighed, chuckling softly at himself before giving me a gentle squeeze.

"I can't keep track of where I am anymore," he grumbled. "Paris, Atlanta, New York…"

"It's been a long three days," I offered.

"It has," he sighed as we sat together quietly, enjoying the moment of peace while we had it.

"Edward?" I said after a little while. We were lying together on the couch, fiddling with each other's hands. We hadn't said much of anything since we'd awoken, but I knew it was time that we talked.

"Hmm?" His voice carried softly between us, and it had a dreamlike quality to it, almost as if he'd been lost in another moment and I'd pulled him back to me.

"I'd like to talk to you about something."

Edward was quiet for a moment, his free hand playing absently with my hair. I shut my eyes, memorizing the feel of his fingers against me, knowing my memories would be all I had to sustain me in our time apart.

"Does it have anything to do with staying behind?" He quietly asked, and my breath caught in the back of my throat.

"How did you…" I sat up, looking curiously at him as he offered me a soft smile.

"Jasper and I got to talking during lunch. He told me Alice was going to require some care once she's released from the hospital and he was worried because he won't be able to provide that for her during the day. I didn't say anything to him, but I immediately thought of you. I knew you'd want to stay. I knew you'd want to be the one to take care of her."

"I do want to. In fact…" and I paused, feeling suddenly ashamed that I'd told Alice I'd stay behind without even consulting Edward. I knew he'd understand and support my decision, but still, a part of me felt like I should have spoken with him first, so that he felt as much a part of the decision as me.

"I've already told Alice I'd stay with her," I continued. "I'm sorry," I quietly added. "I should have spoken with you first, but she was so worried…"

"Love, don't," Edward said, interrupting my nervous jumble of words with a wave of his hand. He bent down and placed a chaste kiss to my lips. "I wouldn't have expected anything else. It's okay. I really do understand. Not that I don't want you to return to Paris with me because I do. But it would be selfish of me to ask you not to stay. Alice needs you now, and I think maybe you need her too. You need to stay with her and be there for her like she's been there for you. Besides, it's only for a few months. Time will pass more quickly than we think. We'll both be very busy."

I didn't really know what to say. Edward was very understanding. He _always_ understood and I wondered how he could be so selfless. I realized with a smile it was because he truly knew me, and knew without a doubt that this was not only something I wanted to do, but _needed_ to do. I couldn't turn my back on Alice now even if I wanted to. She had carried me through the most difficult time of my life and now it was my turn to carry her. Edward understood this and didn't for one moment question my loyalty to my best friend, and I loved him all the more for it. I absently traced my forefinger around the perimeter of his heart, silently thanking God for him. He truly made my life worth living in every conceivable way.

"It's yours, you know," he murmured, interrupting my circuit. I looked up at him bewildered by his words.

"This," he said, taking my hand and gently flattening it against his heart. "It's all yours. It always has been and always will be."

"Oh, baby," I crooned, crawling up in Edward's lap so that I was straddling his thighs. I reached out and took his hand, mirroring his actions on my own body. "Mine is yours too," I softly said, my forehead settling against his. "Mine is yours too."

There was a moment when the connection we shared was quiet, peaceful and pure and our bodies rested comfortably against one another. But our reality, the fact that Edward would be leaving for Paris the very next day was never far from either one of our minds. Soon, gentle kisses led to groping hands and I was moving purposely above him, rocking slowly back and forth as he dragged his lips along my neck, sucking, nipping and kissing me.

"Jesus, I'm going to miss you," he breathed as his hands moved to my breasts. I gasped as he pinched my nipples hard through my shirt, and he chuckled softly, bending forward and capturing my mouth in his before I had a chance to protest.

"You're evil," I smiled, though he knew just as well as I did that I loved it when he was a little rough.

"Mmm," he murmured while skimming his hands along the waist of my pants. In one fluid motion he lifted my shirt from my head and expertly unlatched my bra. It fell to my waist and he quickly took my nipple into his mouth, gently sucking it by way of apology.

"I may be evil," he said, releasing me and placing a single kiss to the center of my left breast. "But you wouldn't have me any other way." Edward grinned, and with a flick of his tongue along the bottom of his lip he bent forward and took my right nipple into his mouth.

"I know precisely how to play your lovely body, Bella," he murmured while his tongue swirled in circles on my skin. His voice was low and husky and my hands found their way into his hair holding him to me and urging him on.

"I can make you scream my name with a simple twist of my wrist," he said, and his hand traveled down to my waist where he slipped it inside my pants. "This is what I do to you," he whispered, running his fingers along me. "And this," he said, pulling me closer against his straining erection, "is what you do to me." I was breathing heavily now, my desire for Edward clouding my every thought. Each and every one of my senses was consumed by him. He was all I could see, smell and feel. Suddenly he stood up, and I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and brought my mouth to kiss his as he carried me to our room.

"God, you're so beautiful," he murmured as he gently laid me down on the bed. He crawled over me then and sat back, gazing down at me out of eyes alight with equal parts love and desire.

"I love you," I whispered, reaching out to ghost my hands across the gruff skin of his unshaven cheek.

"I love you, too," he whispered back. "So much."

Without another word, Edward stripped his shirt off. His pants came next, and then mine until he knelt naked before me. It was moments like this…when Edward looked at me as if I were the single point of light in his life that I realized just how beautiful our relationship was. This man was literally everything to me, and if I was the single point of light in his life he was the force that anchored me to my earthly existence. I had been lost before him, in every sense of the word. But now I was found. Edward smiled lovingly down at me before positioning himself over me. I felt him brush against me then gently push inside until I was completely filled by him. I sighed, completely overcome by my love for him as he brought his lips to my ear.

"Making love to you is the single most important act in my life," he said as he began to move within me. It was slow, reverent and sweet. "Did you know that, Bella? It centers me, reminds me of what matters most and binds me to you in the most meaningful way."

I whimpered, drawing my legs around his waist as I tried in vain to pull him closer.

"I love you," he continued to speak, his voice like honey in my ears. "I loved the woman you were when we first met and I'm in awe of the woman you've become. I love all of you…your passion, your strength, your profound bravery, but most of all, I admire your loyalty to those you love."

"Oh, Edward," I sighed, not even trying to prevent the tears from falling because I knew what he was doing. I knew that this was his way of letting me know he really was okay with me staying behind. Not only did he understand, but he loved and respected me for it. His words moved me and I couldn't help but cry.

"You are all I could ever want," I murmured as I pressed my lips to his. The salt of my tears mixed with the sweet of our kiss and he sighed, kissing my tears away before resting his forehead against mine.

"You have every part of me," he responded sincerely, staring deep into my eyes. The green of his was brilliant -the depth endless. And I got lost in them as he moved in me. Edward kissed me deeply, his thrusts becoming less rhythmic and more frantic as he neared his climax. Soon he was falling apart in my arms, calling out my name and as he filled me mind, body and soul. When it was over he lay upon me, only slightly shifting to the side so that I didn't have to bear the full burden of his weight. We remained as such through the remainder of the night.

Morning arrived before either one of us wanted it to. Edward and I rose and showered, making love under the warm water before dressing and preparing for him to leave. I had decided not to accompany Edward to the airport. It was just easier that way…for both of us. We had decided our farewells should be private, so we kissed and hugged each other for as long as we could until there was no time left to spare. Pulling away from me, Edward reached up to wipe the dampness from my eyes. This would never get any easier, I thought to myself. Saying goodbye to Edward was like packaging up my heart and sending it off into the unknown. But I knew he would guard it for me, and when we were together again it would once again be mine and I would be whole.

"Be safe," he whispered against my temple before kissing it and silently slipping out the door. I was left standing there, sad, empty and alone. But for the first time, I didn't really feel lost. I knew Edward and I would be together again soon, and that restless anxiety that usually plagued me at saying goodbye wasn't there this time around. Instead, I was filled with purpose. For the next several months, until her baby was safe in her arms, I would take care of Alice. I would take care of my best friend just like she always took care of me. With that in mind, I wasted no time in gathering my belongings and heading out the door.

Three weeks later, Alice and I had settled into an easy routine. I arrived at her apartment every morning at nine, Johann in tow, where I promptly proceeded to prepare breakfast. Jasper would normally make Alice a fresh fruit smoothie before he left for school, but by the time I arrived Alice was generally hungry for something more. Turkey bacon served over a fried egg and cheese on a whole grain English muffin was a favorite of hers, as was homemade waffles with fresh berries and whipped cream. Almost as soon as breakfast was over, Alice was usually asking for lunch. In order to avoid being driven mad by her constant requests for food, I'd taken to baking batches of muffins for her to snack on in between meals, and I was sure to pack them full of whole grains, fruits and vegetables so that she would receive the maximum nutritional benefit possible. This was very important. Alice needed to put on weight, but she needed to do so by eating as healthy as possible. Thankfully, I enjoyed cooking and found that I slipped into the role of domestic goddess quite easily.

By the time the afternoons rolled around, Alice and I were generally off to one doctor's appointment or another. Alice's OB was constantly monitoring the baby's condition and with each week that passed we grew more confident she would deliver a healthy baby. The baby was due in four weeks time, and according to the doctors his lungs were fully developed now. This was cause for celebration, and so it was one sunny afternoon in late April I found myself in Babies R' Us again, only this time I wasn't with Edward.

"Did you remember to bring the registry printout?" Alice called over her shoulder from where she sat in a wheelchair in front of me.

"Please," I scoffed as I wheeled her up the diaper aisle. "Do you really think I would dare to leave the apartment without it? You've only been looking forward to this day since you were first released from the hospital."

Alice giggled. "This is true, only I wasn't sure we'd ever make it this far," she continued with a wistful lilt to her voice. I reached down and squeezed her shoulder with one of my hands. I didn't have to see her face to know the emotion that was swimming there. It was truly a miracle in every sense of the word that Alice's baby was nearly full term. Just one more week and he'd be considered fully mature.

"But you did, and that's all that matters now," I said while pulling the registry printout from my purse. "So tell me, what exactly are we trying to accomplish here?"

"Well, I'd like to go through the list to verify I've registered for everything I'll need. You do realize this is the first time I've physically set foot in a baby store since I found out I was pregnant."

"Alice, there are over thirty pages here," I sighed, completely incredulous that one tiny creature could require so much stuff. I remembered feeling this way when I'd gone shopping for baby Genevieve too. "It will take us forever to go through this list."

"It's not like we have anything better to do," Alice laughed. "I think Monopoly can wait."

I rolled my eyes at the mention of Monopoly. Over the course of the last month Alice and I had played countless board games. Other than flipping through baby magazines, which, coincidentally, had replaced all of Alice's bridal magazines, and watching television, there wasn't much else for us to do to fill our time. So board games it was. Right now we were neck and neck in yet another heated round of Monopoly and I thought I might burn the board once this current game was over. Alice always won, and I had to admit, it was starting to grate on my nerves.

"Oh, over there Bella!" Alice excitedly cried, and I looked to where she was pointing.

_Diaper wipes_. A wall of diaper wipes.

_Seriously?_

I shrugged, figuring I would never find myself that excited over diaper wipes, but this was Alice's show and that's all that mattered to me.

"Look here," she said, reaching out and grabbing a package of wipes off the shelf. "Aren't these completely brilliant?"

I examined the package she was holding in her hands.

"Boogie Wipes?" I said, confused.

"Yes," she nodded. "Apparently they work wonders on little noses."

"And here, look at this," she added, reaching out for yet another package of wipes.

_"_Pacifier Wipes," I read, and this time I couldn't suppress my laugh. Was this for real? My eyes scanned the shelves in front of me, and I was completely dumbfounded by the selection of wipes. In addition to the Boogie Wipes and Pacifier Wipes there were Tooth Tissues, Anti-Bacterial Hand Wipes and good old-fashioned Diaper Wipes.

"Is this really necessary?" I asked. "Why can't you just use regular diaper wipes?"

"Bella," Alice chastised. "A regular diaper wipe will not properly cleanse a pacifier. It does go in the baby's mouth, after all."

"And what about Tooth Tissues?" I teased. "I suppose it's of utmost importance you carry a package of these around too. You know, so you can scrub your baby's only tooth after he finishes a bottle."

Alice grabbed the package of wipes from my hands, playfully smacking me with it before tossing it back on the shelf.

"Just you wait and see, Bella Swan," she said, narrowing her eyes at me in jest. "One day you'll be walking the aisles of Babies R' Us too, and you'll be just as wide eyed with wonder as me."

I smiled down at Alice then because she was right - at least I hoped she was. I wasn't at that point in my life yet, but I wanted to be…someday. I also understood that Alice was excited about the impending birth of her son, and I wanted to share in every moment of that excitement with her, even if it meant debating the merits of carrying five different types of baby wipes around in her diaper bag. So, for the next several hours I allowed Alice to lead me through the store, pointing out every item she'd registered for. Along the way we scratched off several things from the list, but we added many more in their place so that by the time we left, Alice's list had expanded to cover forty pages.

"I'm not sure where you and Jasper are going to put all this stuff," I laughed as I loaded several bags worth of clothes we'd bought into the trunk. It was mid afternoon when we finally emerged from Babies R' Us after having spent nearly three hours inside.

"Bella, it's only a registry. It's my wish list. It doesn't mean I'll receive everything on it," she pointed out.

"Judging from the number of people attending your shower, you probably will," I teased. Alice's baby shower would be held in two weeks time at the dance school she previously worked at. Much to my relief, her co-workers and friends had decided to throw her baby shower. As it was, I was so busy helping to care for Alice there would have been little time left over to plan a proper party.

"Well, we may have to reconsider moving after all," Alice laughed. The melodious sound trailed off after a moment as a look of quiet contemplation settled across her face. "I want to give him everything, Bella," Alice whispered softly. Her hand traveled to her belly, which had slowly taken shape over the last several weeks, and she lovingly caressed where the baby lay.

Reaching across the console, I covered her hand with mine.

"I know you do, honey. Just remember, you're what's most important to him, okay? You and Jasper. Everything else is immaterial."

Alice nodded, smiling softly at me as I started for home.

Two weeks later, Alice had officially entered her 38th week of pregnancy. She'd beaten all the odds, and the birth of her son was imminent. Due to potential complications from the placenta previa, she was scheduled for a C-section in two days. Her baby shower had been held the day before, and now, all that was left to do was wait.

It was mid-morning, and Alice was resting comfortably in bed. Having grown accustomed to her mid-morning nap, which could often last several hours, I'd begun carrying my cello with me and was busy running through some scales. Since returning to New York I'd resumed therapy on my hand, but while I was playing much better than before, I doubted I'd ever be able to play the cello at the level I had before the accident. Surprisingly, this didn't bother me as much as it maybe should have. Instead, I'd given serious thought to refocusing my musical efforts on composition –specifically, duets for piano and cello. Edward was in favor of this, as he had an interest in composing too. Part of me wondered if, working as a team, we might even dabble in movie scores. There were so many options available to me other than performance, and in making plans for my future I realized it didn't really matter to me whether or not I ever played the cello professionally again. As long as I remained involved with music in some manner, my life would still be complete.

In addition to physical therapy for my hand, I continued to see Olivia two times a week in order to further work through my emotional issues. We'd made a tremendous amount of progress and I was feeling stronger and more confident than ever before. But this didn't mean I didn't still have bad days, because I did. The anniversary of the accident fell less than a week after Edward had returned to Paris and I'd suffered a mild setback as I struggled to make it through that day. But it was just one day, and I'd been back on track ever since and I realized with reflection that the anniversary of my mother and brother's passing would most likely always be difficult for me.

"Your past is a part of you, Bella. That will never change," Olivia had said to me that day. "But you're learning to put it into perspective now. You're confronting and working through your feelings. In time, this means you'll feel your loss less acutely, though it will always be a part of who you are."

She was right. My past _would_ always be a part of who I was, but as Esme had done when her baby passed away, I had finally made the decision not to let my loss define me. Making that promise to myself was liberating. In essence, I was freeing myself from the shackles and chains of my past. I now embraced my life and all it had to offer me, and I felt more alive than ever before. Dr. Warren had even noticed a difference in my playing. We'd gotten together several times since I'd been back, and when I played, she said there was a quiet joy that pervaded my music that had never been there before. This made me truly happy because it wasn't just me that noticed a difference. It was everybody around me, including Edward.

_Edward._

We'd been apart for nearly seven weeks now, but even though I missed him more than words could ever properly convey, we were handling the separation well – as well as could be expected, anyway. The truth of the matter was, despite the stress of being apart, our relationship was as playful and carefree as ever. It was almost as if we had been given a second chance to start our relationship anew on completely different terms. There were no more secrets between us, no more seemingly insurmountable obstacles to overcome. For the first time in a long time, we were quite simply…happy. And it was refreshing, and a long time in coming…and _wonderful_.

Of course, I was still counting the hours until I saw Edward again. Although circumstances dictated we had to be apart, that didn't mean I liked it. I really _didn't_ like it, and I'd thought a lot about our future together and what that might mean for us. I realized I had dreams of my own to pursue, but I also knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to pursue them while remaining at Edward's side. Unless absolutely necessary, I didn't want to be apart from him like this again. Not that I couldn't be…I just didn't want to be. He was such a part of me that I didn't really feel complete without him by my side.

I knew Edward felt the same way. Although we were making the best of our separation, he didn't like being apart from me any more than I liked being apart from him. But we'd managed to get by, mostly by talking on the phone whenever possible. When we weren't talking we were texting…which quite often led to sexting…and this generally led to frantic, breathless phone calls in which the both of us would usually shed our clothes. We'd found that Skype was conducive to those types of activities too...you know, the ones where clothes weren't required, even though it had taken a little bit of convincing on Edward's part for me to be comfortable with it.

"Bella?" Alice's voice drifted from her bedroom, pulling me from my reverie. I carefully placed my cello on its side and headed towards her room, nearly throwing a fit when I saw her up and moving around.

"Alice!" I cried. "You are impossible! Please, for the love of God get back in bed!"

Alice had become worse than a cantankerous old woman these past few days. Ever since she'd passed 37 weeks, the number of weeks at which the baby was considered full term, she'd become less strict with her bed rest. I'd often find her up and about, folding baby laundry or sorting through all of the things she'd received as gifts from friends and family. I tried to be understanding. I really did. It was clear that she was nesting (I'd been given an earful about how that urge was irrepressible), but the doctor had also been clear in his orders. Bed rest until the baby was born, and I felt it was my duty to ensure that happened.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch Master Chief," Alice scowled. "I had to go to the bathroom."

"Again?"

"Yes, again," she huffed. "My bladder has been reduced to the size of a pea and it feels like there's an elephant standing on it. Don't ask what happens when I cough."

"Okay, okay," I laughed, holding up my hands in defense. "That's an over share." Although there really wasn't anything Alice couldn't tell me, I still liked to tease her.

"Hey," she said, her voice softening as she climbed back into bed. She sat Indian style in the center, her beautiful, round belly peeking out from under her t-shirt. "Come sit with me."

"Sure," I shrugged. "Want me to grab a deck of cards?"

"Nah," she shook her head. "I want to talk to you for a minute."

"What's up?" I asked as I plopped down in front of her. I noticed she looked a little bit nervous. Her eyes were shifting about and she was wringing her hands in her lap. I immediately wondered what was wrong.

"Alice, is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, sure…everything's great," she sighed, a contented smile forming on her face. "It's just…Jasper and I have been thinking of names. I think we've come up with one, but I wanted to run it by you first."

"Of course," I happily replied. I'd actually been wondering if they would ever decide on a name. He'd been "baby" for so long I wasn't sure I'd be able to call him anything else now.

Alice took a deep breath before continuing. "We'd like to name the baby James…James Daniel."

_James_.

I said the name aloud and I loved it.

"It's perfect, Alice," I declared. "It's such a strong…" And then suddenly I realized what Alice had said and I stopped short, my breath catching in the back of my throat as my fingers traveled to my lips. There were no words…

"Is it okay?" Alice asked, her anxious eyes searching mine for my approval. "Because if it isn't Jazz and I will understand. It's just, I loved him too, Bella. Daniel was the closest thing I ever had to a brother and I wanted to honor him in some way…if it's okay with you. Only if it's okay with you."

"Oh, Alice," I cried, leaning forward to wrap my arms around her and pull her close. Her belly got in the way, but I didn't let that stop me. I held her tight, both of us simultaneously laughing and crying. We were two best friends, tangled up as one, bound together by love and by loss.

"I would be honored if you would name your son after Daniel," I said, my lips quivering with emotion when I finally pulled away. "Truly honored."

"Are you sure? Because I was a little worried…"

I waved my left hand while my right one brushed the tears from my eyes. "There's nothing to be worried about, Alice. I love it. I think it's the perfect way to honor Daniel and I'm grateful to you for thinking of him."

"Really?" Alice asked, hopeful.

"Really," I assured her.

"Then it's settled, James Daniel it is," she gleefully said.

"James Daniel," I said, trying it on for size. And I really liked it.

"Ugh," Alice said a few moments later. She rolled her eyes in annoyance and I narrowed my own at her.

"What?"

"Would you believe I have to pee again? For fuck's sake."

I laughed, shaking my head at her as she awkwardly pulled herself from the bed. While Alice used the bathroom, I decided to call Edward. I hadn't talked to him yet today and now seemed like as good a time as any to call. I wanted to tell him the news myself, that Alice's son would be named after my brother.

I walked out into the living room and smiled as I brought Edward's name up in my phone and pressed send. No matter how often I talked to him, I was always giddy at just the thought of it. The simple act of talking to him…of hearing his voice, made my day. The phone rang three times before he picked up.

"Hey there beautiful," he said, and my face flushed at his words.

"Hey yourself, my ridiculously gorgeous and sexy boyfriend."

Edward chuckled softly.

"You're always trying to show me up."

"A girl's gotta try."

"Well, I have some choice words I'd love to share with you but I'm otherwise occupied right now."

"Is that so?" I said with raised brows. Edward chucked again, and I heard curious shuffling just moments before a soft, sweet voice filtered across the line.

"Bonjour, Bella," Amélie said, and I found myself smiling from ear to ear.

"Hello, sweetheart. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing very well, thank you. Edward just stopped by my house to say hello. We're playing cards right now and I'm beating the pants off of him."

"She is not!" I heard Edward protest in the background. "She's only won the first round!"

Both Amélie and I laughed. Edward really didn't like to lose.

"You listen to me, Amélie," I said. "Don't let him sweet talk you, okay? He'll try and distract you so you'll lose track of your hand but you can't let him do that. Stay focused, and you'll take him down hard." Amélie giggled, promising me she would before handing the phone back to Edward.

"All right, what did you say to her?" Edward laughed when the phone was back in his possession. "She's smiling a wicked smile right now."

"Why I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," I replied, feigning ignorance.

"Bella Swan, are you being purposely dishonest with me? Because if you are, you may need to be punished," he teased. His voice dropped to a low, husky whisper when he spoke and I sighed, wishing he was somewhere more private.

"Maybe," I admitted. "And I'd really like to know what my punishment is."

"Mmm…I have five days to consider it."

"Five days?" I repeated, confused.

"Yes, five days. Five days and I'll be home. Melinda made the reservation this afternoon," he said, and I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Oh my God, Edward! I thought you still had several weeks left. I…I…"

I meant to finish my sentence, but just then Alice appeared, and the look on her face told me that something wasn't right.

"Bella!" She managed with a labored breath. "I think my water just broke!"

**Endnotes:**

**Thank you very much for taking the time to read! If you feel so inclined, please take a moment to review. I always enjoy hearing from my readers! **


	38. Beginning's End

**Author's Notes:**

I'd like to thank **frechdachs** for pointing out in the last chapter that because Alice suffered from a complete placenta previa that she would more than likely would have been scheduled for a C-section. I have adjusted the story accordingly.

Many humble thanks to **azure0610** for acting as my beta and to **aerobee82** for pre-reading.

Okay, so I am not the type to recommend people to listen to a certain song while reading a chapter. In fact, I really dislike listening to music while I'm reading. BUT, I am going to make an exception here b/c I think the last half of this chapter will be much more meaningful if read while listening to an exceptional piece of music. This music is Nimrod, from the Enigma Variations, composed by the supremely talented Edward Elgar. I've provided the youtube link below. As far as when to listen, follow Bella's lead. When she listens, you listen for the remainder of the chapter, if you please. .com/watch?v=sUgoBb8m1eE

**Chapter 38 – Beginning's End**

**BPOV**

I stood on the oversized wooden deck of our cabin, overlooking the majestic, snow-capped peaks of the Rocky Mountains. It was another spectacular day in Montana, one in a string of many where temperatures consistently hovered in the mid 60s and the sun shone brilliantly in the cloudless sky. A gentle breeze blew through my hair, causing single strands to tickle at my face. I gently brushed them back, thinking of how much I'd miss this place. After spending two and a half blissful months here, filming on the third and final movie in the Werewolf Trilogy had come to an end and Edward and I were leaving - heading west to California the following day.

It was hard to believe that time had passed so quickly here. It seemed like just yesterday I'd been rushing Alice to the hospital, James's birth imminent. I remembered the ride to the hospital well. Alice and I had both been in a state of near panic when her water unexpectedly broke. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. Due to complications from the placenta previa, Alice wasn't supposed to give birth naturally. She had been scheduled for a C-section, but God had other plans. When we called her OB, he told us to leave for the hospital immediately where he would be waiting to perform an emergency C-section.

_Somehow Alice and I managed to pull ourselves together long enough to grab her overnight bag, which thankfully she'd packed the week before, and scramble out of her apartment and down to my car. By the time we made it there, Alice was in obvious physical pain. It surprised me how suddenly this happened. She hadn't appeared to be experiencing any labor pains earlier that morning but she was very obviously uncomfortable now. She awkwardly slid into the front seat, her face pulled taught as she struggled to breathe through her contractions. _

_We'd been driving less than three minutes when Alice finally spoke. _

_"Jesus, Bella, can't you drive any faster?" She cried. In an instant she unfastened her seatbelt and crawled across the console to the backseat where she positioned herself on her knees in the middle of the seat, forearms resting on the seatback. She began rapidly breathing in and out and I was suddenly petrified that Alice was going to give birth in the backseat of my car. That didn't really happen, did it? I mean, I'd seen it happen on TV but surely we'd make it to the hospital in time for the doctor to deliver the baby or else he would have instructed us to call an ambulance, right? All these thoughts were racing through my mind as I raced through the streets of New York City. _

_Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Alice and I arrived at the ER. Jasper was waiting for us and threw open the door to the back seat, gingerly helping Alice out of the car before rushing her inside. I parked as close as I could to the entrance of the hospital, but by the time I made it inside Alice was already gone. When I spoke with the nurse, she informed me that Alice was being prepped for an immediate C-section so I headed up to the OR waiting room, knowing that all that was left now was to wait. _

_I didn't have to wait long. At least it didn't seem too long considering that only a few hours earlier Alice and I had been sitting together cross legged on her bed. James was born at 3:45 that Friday afternoon, a raven haired blue eyed beauty that stole my heart the moment I laid eyes on him. Alice had made it through the surgery without any complications, for which I was tremendously grateful, and three days later she was released to go home. _

Alice's homecoming was bittersweet for me. Of course, I was thrilled beyond belief that James was finally here, healthy and safe, but there was a part of me that would miss the time I spent with Alice before his birth. We'd shared so much in that time together, reminiscing about old times and rekindling the strong bond we'd shared for most of our lives. It had been a healing experience for me, in more ways than one. It had been an opportunity for me to give back to Alice at least a small part of what she'd given to me over the years. It had also been an opportunity for me to focus on somebody other than myself for a while, which I'd found tremendously helpful. It allowed me to take a step back from my own issues, putting what was most important in my life into perspective, and I knew without a doubt I had made the right decision when I stayed behind to take care of her.

It hadn't necessarily been easy, staying in New York to care for Alice when Edward was in Paris. We'd managed to survive our time apart, but when he returned home from our six week separation two days after Alice gave birth, I knew I could never be apart from him for so long again. We'd been nearly frantic when we finally saw each other, neither of us able to utter more than a few syllables before our bodies were naked and moving against one another. There had been an urgency to our lovemaking, each of us desperate to be as close to the other as possible, and more than a few curse words had been muttered before we finally lay exhausted in each other's arms, whispering words of endearments as we drifted off to sleep.

The following day, Edward and I had a serious talk. We both agreed from that point forward, we would do everything possible to ensure we remained together at all times. Not soon after, Edward accepted the role of Beethoven in the biopic he'd auditioned for while in Paris. Not coincidentally, I'd received a call a several days later with the offer of a consulting job on the film. I'd accepted, and Edward and I decided that when filming wrapped in December we'd return to New York City where I'd spend the following spring completing my degree. It seemed like a good plan, and it was one that we were both happy with. I wasn't exactly sure how Melinda was going to react to Edward's hiatus, but I hoped she would understand. Edward didn't intend to give up his career and I would never have expected him to, but we both agreed the anxiety and stress the accompanied being apart was too big a price to pay, so he would remain with me in New York while I finished my degree.

I felt strong arms wrap around me from behind, pulling me from my thoughts as a gruff cheek brushed against my own.

"Hey, beautiful," Edward said, his voice still thick with sleep.

"Hey yourself, handsome," I murmured as I leaned back into his comfortable embrace. "Welcome to the ranks of the living. I wasn't sure you'd be able to pull yourself out of bed today," I said, chuckling softly.

Edward groaned.

"Ugh. I don't think I've thrown back that much liquor since the _Light of the Moon_ press tour."

"Back when you were an untamed party animal, huh?" I teased.

"Hardly," Edward laughed before pressing his lips to my cheek. He didn't stop there, instead leaving a hot trail of wet kisses ending right behind my ear. An involuntary moan escaped my lips as memories of the night before flooded my mind.

"Regardless, it didn't seem to affect your libido," I managed to say, his lips a delicious distraction. And although I knew I was pushing my luck, I couldn't help my next comment. "I was kind of surprised you were able to keep it up," I said, barely able to suppress my laughter. Edward growled in response, pushing his groin forward against me while simultaneously pulling me close.

"After all this time together, you seriously question my sexual prowess?"

I turned in Edward's arms, smiling up at him and offering him a quick kiss on the lips.

"I do when you drink half a bottle of Jack," I laughed.

Edward groaned again.

"Please don't remind me. I actually do have a rather intense headache. I woke up to take some Advil, but I was hoping to lure you back to bed with me."

I raised my brows, eying Edward speculatively. After last night's, or more accurately – this morning's escapades, I could hardly believe he was ready for more. We'd made love in one manner or another several times when we'd returned home from the wrap party. It was passionate, a little bit rough and oh so hot, and I was still feeling the after affects. I wasn't sure I was ready for more just yet.

"Really?"

Edward threw his head back, a warm, hearty laughter escaping from his throat as he squeezed me to him and I immediately realized I'd misinterpreted his request.

"Love," he said through a soft smile. "You wore me out last night. I was kind of just hoping to lay with you for a bit," he admitted, ducking his head shyly before grumbling something about being lonely. I smiled, reaching up to tenderly touch my fingers to his cheek. How could I say no to him? Despite the fact we both really needed to pack, I decided it could wait. I'd take lying in bed with Edward over prepping for a departure I wasn't ready to make any day.

"Of course I will," I murmured and his answering smile melted my heart. "Just give me a minute, will you?" I turned in Edward's arms then, wanting just a few moments more to appreciate the spectacular scenery that surrounded me.

"Mind if I keep you company?" Edward clasped his hands around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder, seeming reluctant to leave on his own. I was secretly pleased that he didn't.

"Not at all," I replied. "I was kind of hoping you would."

Edward and I stood together for a bit, neither one of us feeling the need to fill the space between us with empty words, but soon I sighed and Edward turned his head to place a soft kiss to my cheek.

"What's going on in that head of yours, sweet girl? Everything all right?" He asked with a tentative lilt to his voice.

"Everything's fine, baby," I quickly reassured him. "I'm just really going to miss this place. It's so quiet and serene."

"You really like it here," Edward mused, more of an observation than anything else.

"I do," I admitted. "I feel like we exist in our own little world, just me and you. Lounging lazily by the fire at night, composing music by day…"

"Love, if memory serves me right, we do much more than just lounge by the fire," Edward quipped with a purposeful shift of his hips.

"How could I forget?" I laughed in return. "In fact, I think we may need to replace that rug."

Edward chuckled softly behind me.

"It would be advisable."

"But seriously, it's kind of perfect here," I sighed. "I'm so inspired by my surroundings. I actually managed to compose an entire sonata here," I said, slightly incredulous.

"The sonata is beautiful," Edward said, placing a soft kiss to my cheek as he continued to hold me against him. I turned my head to smile up at him, blushing at his praise. I had finished my sonata several evenings before, the culmination of two month's work while Edward was filming. It was for cello and piano, of course, and I had to admit, I derived a great deal of satisfaction when Edward accompanied me in its maiden performance yesterday afternoon. I was secretly hoping that during his month long break between projects, Edward might consider working with me on another duet.

Edward and I were quiet again, but several moments later he turned me in his arms, looking down at me out of warm, thoughtful eyes. "I can have Melinda check with the realtor," he said. "If the owner's willing to sell, I'll buy this cabin for you."

My eyes opened wide, having been caught me off guard with Edward's offer. The thought of purchasing the cabin hadn't even crossed my mind, but I was already in love with the idea. It would be nice to have a place to come to get away from it all. And this cabin, nestled high in the mountains of Montana, twenty miles from the nearest town, couldn't have been more perfect. It was certainly more private than the apartment in New York. My mind started to wander with the possibility, and I couldn't help the smile that pulled at my lips.

"You'd do that?" I asked, fisting Edward's thin t-shirt in both my hands. Edward's eyes twinkled in amusement as he regarded me cautiously.

"You'd let me?"

_Hmm_. That was a very good question. Of course, if it was even available there wasn't any way I could afford to help purchase the cabin, not without my father's help anyway and I wasn't entirely comfortable with that. I knew that Edward could easily afford such an expense, but could I accept that he was purchasing it as a gift for me? I only had to think about it for a moment before I concluded it was actually a moot point because Edward wouldn't be purchasing the cabin for me, he'd be purchasing it for the both of us. I didn't think either of us even had to question the certainty of our future together. And God, that was such a wonderful feeling.

"You know, I think I would," I answered him back while tugging him closer. Edward sighed, leaning down to press his lips to mine in a not so chaste manner. I kissed him back, smiling against his lips when I felt him become aroused.

"I thought you just wanted to cuddle," I teased before letting my hands fall to his hips. I pulled them snug against my own and he moaned, his tongue slipping into my mouth to mingle with mine as he deepened the kiss. And despite being sore from the night before, I felt my body responding to his touch. He was certainly responding to mine, his hips moving softly against my own as he sucked and nipped at my mouth.

"Mmm, you're much too distracting," he murmured as his lips moved to my neck. I gasped as he traced the tip of his tongue to the pulse point in my throat, circling it languidly before returning his lips to mine. I kissed him with all the longing and desire of a girl helplessly in love and when he broke away, his hungry, hooded eyes told me we wouldn't be resting inside.

"Shall we take this inside?" He asked, his voice low and gruff. His erection was now solid, and as he pressed it against me again his intentions could not have been clearer.

We did as Edward suggested, not even bothering to shut the door behind us as we stumbled through the living room and towards the stairs. Edward's mouth still tasted of liquor, and for some odd reason that turned me on even more. I kissed him hungrily as I remembered back to the look in his eyes the night before - the way he had watched me as if I were a coveted possession, the way he so obviously desired me, physically needed me to be with him to bring him satisfaction and relief. It might have bothered me, his insistence on having me over and over again and the seemingly carnal drive behind it if he hadn't worshiped me like a goddess, demonstrating with his words and his body just how much he loved me. And now, I wanted the same. I wanted Edward to take me, to have me just as he had the night before. I didn't want slow and sweet. I wanted passionate and hard. We were just about to attempt to navigate the steps, our tongues thrashing wildly in each other's mouths when his phone sounded shrilly from the kitchen.

"Leave it," I mumbled and he didn't even bother to respond. But when the ringing stopped and then immediately started up again, Edward pulled away with a groan, reaching up to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth before letting his forehead fall to my shoulder.

"It's Chris," he managed to get out, struggling to catch his breath. "Fuck, I don't want to take the call," he muttered, "but I probably should. He's leaving today and after what happened last night…"

"Go," I said with a gentle push to his chest. I was disappointed, but Edward was right. He probably did need to take this call. Besides, there would be plenty of time to have him any which way I wanted over the next several weeks. As of last night, he was officially free from work for one full month. Edward smiled apologetically, placing one very hot kiss to my mouth before shrugging out of my grasp and heading into the kitchen to answer his phone.

While Edward was on the phone, I decided to go ahead and start packing for our early morning departure the following day. Walking into the bedroom Edward and I had shared over the last several months, I found our clothes from the night before haphazardly strewn about. Picking up Edward's t-shirt, I wrinkled my nose at the smell. Liquor and cigarette smoke, two scents I didn't normally associate with Edward, saturated his clothes. Edward had definitely let loose the night before, drinking more than he ever had in our entire time together and even sneaking a cigarette or two when he thought I wasn't looking. Not that I minded. Edward didn't smoke, I knew that. He was just kicking back - cutting loose and enjoying a good party with his cast mates and friends. These people had been an important part of his life after all, and as a group, they probably would not come together again, the premiere withstanding. So, I was glad to see him enjoy the camaraderie of his fellow friends and cast mates one last time before they parted ways.

Of course, the evening had been memorable for reasons other than spending good times with good friends. In fact, I was fairly certain I knew precisely why Chris was calling. Chris was Edward's cast mate. He also happened to become involved with Daniella at the beginning of the summer, and it had all ended very badly at the party.

The night before had begun innocently enough. The studio had catered a dinner at one of the nicer hotels in town and the atmosphere was friendly and relaxed. Edward and I both sipped cocktails and mingled with the cast and crew before we finally sat down to dinner at half past ten. It was late, and though waiters carrying platters of appetizers had made their way through the crowd early on, most everybody in the room had been drinking freely since seven which meant a majority of those seated at the table were buzzed, if not entirely drunk. Daniella was no exception. I saw her ogling Edward from the other end of the table, but I tried not to let it bother me. All told, our time in Montana had been devoid of most of her shenanigans. After hooking up with Chris, she had pretty much avoided spending any time with Edward outside of work. That suited me just fine, and I had almost been convinced that she was finally over him…until last night.

I remembered the turn in events clearly because our dinner plates had just been set before us…

_Edward and I both ordered the filet mignon covered in a béarnaise sauce and Edward carved off a small piece of meat, chewing it slowly while his hand skimmed up my thigh underneath the table. I playfully swatted him away, aware of the increasing frequency with which his hands were roaming my body and thinking to myself that I needed to get him home alone, and soon. I was just about to take a bite of my own steak when Chris's angry and slightly drunken voice sounded out loud from the other end of the table._

"_Jesus Christ, Daniella, do you think you could quit eye fucking Edward for one fucking minute?"_

_My fork clattered unceremoniously to my plate and I had to smack Edward solidly in the center of his back as he nearly choked on his steak. All the while the room fell silent – uncomfortably so, and all eyes shifted to Daniella. She shifted uneasily in her seat, clearly embarrassed by Chris's outburst. While Daniella might have been embarrassed, the rest of us were simply astonished. Chris was a very quiet, unassuming person. I'd never seen him lose his temper and he had never been anything but courteous and pleasant in the times we'd spent together. Apparently, alcohol emboldened him, making him say things I was quite sure he would never say while sober._

"_Chris, please," Daniella stiffly chastised. Her eyes flitted about the table, absorbing the curious stares of the cast and crew. "This isn't the place…"_

"_Oh give it up, Daniella!" He cried, this time tossing his napkin on his plate and roughly pushing his chair away from the table. He stood while glaring down at Daniella, his barely contained anger threatening to burst forth into what I feared would deteriorate into an all out shouting match. I cast a nervous glance in Edward's direction and he grimaced, clearly just as uncomfortable with this situation as I was. _

"_Chris, don't do this," Daniella sternly warned, but Chris was beyond caring. He chuckled darkly, throwing his head back in bitter laughter before his eyes once again settled on Daniella._

"_You certainly have a lot of nerve telling me what to do when you're the one who can't seem to keep her eyes from wandering. Jesus, I'm such a fucking idiot," he moaned as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I mean, I guess you've proven me a fool, haven't you? Because I honestly thought you were sincere when you said you cared about me…about us. But you don't. You're still hung up on a man who's practically married!" _

_Chris was all but yelling now while the entire table sat in stunned silence. "I won't be made a fool of any longer, Daniella. If you want to continue to try and play these pathetic games in some twisted attempt to gain Edward's affections, go right ahead. But I'm done being your lackey. Do you hear me? Done!"_

_Daniella's cheeks turned a very disagreeable shade of red at Chris's words and I noticed her lower lip quivering. Her eyes briefly darted in our direction and I watched as Edward stared back, cold and hard. It was obvious that Daniella was desperate for somebody to come to her defense, but I doubted that would happen. Chris was only confirming what most people had already come to realize and that was Daniella was not a nice person. I wanted to feel sorry for her, I really did, but she had brought this on herself. And truthfully, sitting there watching the train wreck that was Daniella's life unfold in front of a room full of people I knew were important to her, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the slightest bit smug, because I did. Daniella had hurt both Edward and I too many times for either one of us to feel and shred of sympathy for her now._

_If I didn't believe in karma before, I certainly did now. _

"_I…I…if you all will please excuse me," Daniella stammered as she abruptly rose to her feet. Glaring at Chris, she offered a tight smile to everybody seated at the table before turning and leaving the room. And that was the last we saw of Daniella that night. She didn't return to the party, and nobody spoke of her again, at least not that I was aware of. Chris had offered a perfunctory apology before sitting down and finishing his dinner and by the time the party drew to a close early this morning, Daniella seemed long forgotten. _

"Hey, there you are," Edward smiled as he moved behind me in the bathroom. I was packing up our toiletries, leaving out only what we'd need to take us through the rest of the day. "Sorry about that," he murmured as he wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my cheek before raising his head and smiling at the image of the two of us reflected in the mirror.

"Everything all right?" I asked, and Edward nodded his head.

"Yeah. Chris just wanted to apologize for last night. He's really embarrassed by what happened. He wanted to make sure he hadn't offended either one of us."

"I hope you told him certainly not."

"Oh I did. I really feel for him, you know? He's a decent guy. He deserved better than to be manipulated by Daniella. I really thought she'd moved past her fixation on me, but I guess not."

"Well," I said while turning in Edward's arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and softly kissed his lips. "It's a good thing the trilogy is officially over. We can finally wipe our hands clean of her and move on."

"Amen to that," Edward murmured against my lips. As his lips moved against mine, I was suddenly reminded that we'd been interrupted earlier. With a shift of my hips, I attempted to remind him too.

"Easy there, vixen," Edward chuckled softly. I frowned as he kissed the tip of my nose. "I'd love nothing more than to start up where we left off but Alice is actually waiting for you on Skype right now."

"Really?" I squealed. I hadn't spoken to Alice in several days and I really wanted to talk to her before leaving for California. Without even waiting for Edward to answer, I rushed downstairs to the living room where Edward and I had set up a laptop on a large wooden desk overlooking the mountains. I smiled as I took my seat, beaming at Alice and the second most important man in my life…baby James.

"Alice, how are you?"

"Tired," she sighed, but her lazy smile told me it was a good sort of tired. The type of tired that came from spending a sleepless night with a baby she absolutely adored tucked closely by her side. As if on cue, James smiled, and I found myself cooing at him and smiling widely right back.

"Hello, sweetheart," I said, addressing him. "Auntie Bella and Uncle Edward miss you. We can't wait to see you next week." I knew James couldn't understand what I was saying, but I always made it a point to talk to him. I wanted him to recognize my voice as well as my face.

Alice sighed. "You don't know how much I'm looking forward to that. Jasper isn't near as interested in shopping for baby clothes as I think you will be," she giggled and I couldn't help it, I had to roll my eyes.

"As if that child doesn't already have enough clothes to fill two closets," I laughed.

"Just one," Alice jokingly corrected before quickly adding, "I can't help it. Baby clothes are seriously adorable. I think I may enjoy shopping for James more than I enjoy shopping for myself."

"Blasphemy!" I teased.

"I know, right? Who would have ever thought? He's changed everything," Alice sighed, the smile on her face as she gazed lovingly at her son enough to melt even the most frozen of hearts.

"So…" Alice started while turning her head to face the camera again. "How are you?" She tentatively asked.

I sighed, having to think for a moment before I answered her question. The past few days had been busy ones for me, finishing my composition and packing up the cabin in preparation for our departure. Truthfully, I hadn't had too much time to think about what loomed ahead. I also considered that I might have subconsciously been trying to avoid thinking about it, realizing that it would do me no good to brood.

"I…I think I'm doing okay," I answered her after a moment. "Of course, I'm anxious about how I'll handle it, but I feel ready." As I said this, I realized they weren't just words offered in an attempt to ease Alice's concern. Going to California and revisiting the scene of the accident seemed surprisingly right. I would have never thought I'd reach the point where I was able to say that with confidence, but even I couldn't miss how self-assured I sounded when answering Alice's question.

"Wow, Bella," Alice said with a shake of her head.

"What?" I worriedly asked as she turned her face from the screen for a moment. When she looked back at me, I could see the tears that had collected in the corners of her eyes. She laughed at herself, wiping them away while smiling warmly at me.

"I'm just so proud of you, honey," she said. "I wasn't sure you'd ever reach this point. I mean, I always hoped you would, but you were lost for so long…"

"I'm not lost anymore," I whispered with a wistful smile and Alice nodded in agreement.

"I believe it," she responded with a smile of her own.

Alice and I chatted for a few more minutes before she had to excuse herself to change James's diaper. Before we said our goodbye's, Alice told me that she loved me and would be thinking of me as I embarked on what I was quickly coming to view as the culmination of my efforts to put my past to rest. That was my greatest hope, anyway. I thanked Alice and assured her I would call and let her know how everything went just as soon as I possibly could.

Twenty four hours later, Edward and I were 14,000 feet up in the air traveling from Montana to California. We were scheduled to arrive in just under an hour at the Santa Ynez Valley Airport. I remembered the last time Edward and I had traveled there. It seemed like forever ago that we had spent Thanksgiving with my father. So much had changed since then…for the better, of course. My father had offered for Edward and me to stay with him this evening, but I'd graciously declined, preferring to spend the night before revisiting my past in a quiet little bed and breakfast with Edward. We'd spend tomorrow and the next few days after with my father instead. I was certain I'd be much better company once I'd taken this final step towards healing.

It's not that I was bad company now, per se. I was doing surprisingly well, all things considered. I had been a little teary eyed this morning, but that could have just as easily been a result of leaving the cabin. I loved it there, and Edward had already put in a call to Melinda asking her to check if it was available for purchase. I loved him for this, for wanting to do whatever he could to make me happy. I felt the same way about him. And though I couldn't shower him with expensive gifts, I knew those were the furthest things from his mind. Edward's needs were simple. He wanted me with him, to be near him always.

I wanted the same thing.

"Hey." Edward nudged me with his knee. We were sitting opposite each other, his right leg between mine. I looked up at him from where I sat with my head resting against the window and pushed pause on my iPod.

"What are you listening to?" He inquired with a soft smile.

I hesitated to answer him, only because I was suddenly overwhelmed by my emotions. I laughed softly while reaching up to wipe at me eyes and Edward was suddenly concerned.

"Are you okay?" He asked while reaching across with his left hand and gently squeezing my thigh.

"Yes, yes," I hurried to assure him. "It's just…I'm listening to Elgar – the Enigma Variations…"

Edward nodded. He was as familiar with them as I was.

"Which variation?"

"Nimrod," I answered softly. I felt Edward's hand rub soothingly along my thigh as he gazed lovingly on at me.

"It's a beautiful piece," he commented, and I nodded slowly, because while it was quite possibly the most moving piece of orchestral music ever composed in my opinion, it held a much deeper meaning for me.

"Did you know that Elgar once lost faith in his ability to compose music?" I quietly asked. Edward's eyes opened wide with surprise as he shook his head _no_.

"It's hard to believe, isn't it? That a man so gifted could somehow lose his way…" My lower lip started to tremble then, and I had to briefly look away as I worked to steady my emotions. When I looked back at Edward a few moments later, he was watching me carefully out of narrowed, curious eyes.

"The Nimrod variation was written in honor of the man that encouraged Elgar to continue writing music when he was very close to giving up," I explained. "And I..." I paused, not quite able to put into words what I wanted to say. I shook my head, casting my eyes downward before glancing back up at Edward. "I understand what it feels like to want to give up," I said quietly. "And I also understand that all it took was one single person to inspire me not to." I held Edward's solemn gaze, the emotion swimming behind his eyes unmistakable. I swallowed hard before continuing. "The Nimrod variation…it's the orchestral score to my life ever since you've come into it."

Edward's eyes closed at my words, his hand searching for and weaving together with mine as he sat in quiet contemplation. I knew what Edward must be doing. I imagined he was playing the music in his head, the song having taken on an entirely different meaning for him now. Slowly he began to smile, and when he opened his eyes, he regarded me with as much love and devotion as I could ever recall.

"You're an amazing woman," he murmured. "And I can't think of a more beautiful or fitting score to _both_ of our lives."

Edward and I arrived at our bed and breakfast late that afternoon. By the time we stopped for a bite to eat and checked into our room, it was well past four. I'd spoken to Olivia earlier and confirmed that we would pick her up from her hotel at eight o'clock the following morning. I was grateful to Olivia for flying to California to be with me. I wasn't sure I'd be able to return to the scene of the accident without her. As it stood now, Olivia would accompany Edward and me to the bottom of the ravine tomorrow morning. She'd be there with me to offer any support or guidance I needed before leaving Edward and me to make the hike back up to the mountain alone. She had offered to come along with us, but I'd decided this was something I needed to do on my own. Olivia had held my hand for the past eight months; it was time for me to finally let go.

Edward and I didn't do much that afternoon. We took a nap together and ordered take-out for dinner before settling back into bed with books. Edward was finishing up yet another Beethoven biography and I was reading a book on musical composition. I must have dozed off because sometime later, I awoke to Edward reaching past me to turn off the bedside light. Already having changed into pajamas, I put my book to the side and curled against Edward's bare chest.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" He murmured as he pulled me closer to him.

"I think I am," I answered him truthfully, and I could feel him smile against me as he spoke.

"Good night, sweet girl. I love you."

"I love you too."

_I recognized the room immediately. It was the same muted gray as before and the walls had neither a beginning nor an end. I looked around, confused. I hadn't visited this room in a long time and I wondered why I was here now. Panic hit me as I remembered the last time I'd been here. Edward had been standing away from me, his hand outstretched towards mine but never quite making contact with me. He had stood no more than a foot in front of me, but it may as well have been a thousand miles away. My hand started shaking slightly when I realized he wasn't there, but when I lifted it to my face I realized my hand was linked with another._

_Edward's. _

_He was there, beside me. _

_"Edward?" I turned to him in surprise, and he smiled lovingly down at me while giving my hand a gentle squeeze._

_"I'm right here, love."_

_I sighed in relief, my trembling subsiding as he lifted our joined hands to his lips and gently kissed the back of my hand. _

_"Bella?" A familiar soft voice spilled forth into the limitless space before us and I spun in surprise, only to stumble backwards and gasp as I took in the site before me. She looked no different than she had the day she'd passed away. She was still just as beautiful, only now she was surrounded by an ethereal aura, one which left no doubt as to what she was. _

_An angel. _

"_Bella, baby?" My eyes filled with tears and I trembled nearly uncontrollably, unable to contain the emotions that were fighting for dominance inside. I knew this was a dream. I knew my mother was no longer alive, but her presence felt so real. I felt Edward wind his arm around my waist and the pad of his thumb sweep beneath the bottom of both my eyes. _

"_Oh, honey," my mother sighed. "Please don't cry. You have so much to be happy about, so much to live for now. I just want you to know that it's okay to let us go. Daniel and I are fine and we'll be waiting for you, to see you again after you've lived a long and happy life…" _

_Daniel appeared by my mother's side then, and even though I knew he wasn't real, I couldn't help but reach for him. Every bone in my body ached to feel him, to hold him and my mother one last time, but I knew it wasn't possible. Daniel smiled at my gesture, his warm eyes beseeching me not to be sad. He held hands with my mother then, gazing peacefully up at her as they both began to fade away. _

"_No!" I cried, rushing forward to try and join them, but Edward held me back._

"_It's all right, Bella. It's all right to let us go. We love you," my mother said, and I choked back a sob as I nodded in her direction._

"_I love you too, momma…I love you too."_

Warm arms gathered me close, shushing me and telling me that everything was all right, but it wasn't until Edward shifted me in his lap and brushed his lips against my forehead that I realized I was no longer dreaming.

"Edward?" I whispered hoarsely.

"Oh, baby. You started crying, and I tried to wake you, but you wouldn't respond," he murmured, clearly shaken.

"I…I was dreaming," I said, feeling somewhat disoriented.

"Are you okay?" He tentatively asked as his fingers smoothed through my hair. "I know you must be nervous about today…"

_Was it morning already?_

I reached up and placed a single finger against Edward's lips, silencing his worried words.

"I am nervous," I admitted. "But I'm also…okay. I…I really think I'm ready to move forward." Edward regarded me thoughtfully for a moment, his thumb sweeping back and forth against my forearm.

"That's what this is about, today," he said after a moment's time.

"I know."

"And I'll be there with you every step of the way," he reminded me.

"I know that too," I nodded.

Edward tipped his head forward then and softly kissed my lips.

"Then let's embrace today as the end of our beginning and let tomorrow be the first day of the rest of our lives," he murmured against me.

"Our beginning's end," I mused, and Edward hummed in response.

I may have been feeling confident when I first awoke, but later that morning, after Edward and I had eaten our breakfast and picked up Olivia at her hotel, I was starting to have serious second thoughts about returning to the scene of the accident. What if I couldn't handle it? What if I completely fell apart and couldn't go through with it? Would I take a step back in my treatment? Worse yet, would I ever be able to fully recover? I was frightened of what lay ahead of me, terrified of sacrificing all the progress I'd made all for the sake of closure. But what choice did I have?

As frightened as I was, I knew there was really no alternative. Just as I'd known there was no alternative when I'd revealed my true identity on national television, I knew there was no alternative now, either. I sighed, trying with all my might to fight back my nerves, but I wasn't convincing anybody. With each mile of road that passed underneath us, I felt my nerves grow tenfold until my hands were trembling nearly uncontrollably in my lap. I tried to hide them by swiftly pushing them between my thighs, but my efforts were in vain. When I forced my hands to be still, my shoulders began to shake and I knew it wouldn't be long before the floodgates opened.

Edward cast a cautious glance in my direction from the driver's side of the car. Reaching out, he surreptitiously adjusted the rearview mirror before placing a comforting hand on my thigh. I watched as he caught Olivia's gaze, motioning his head in my direction and tipping her off to my mounting anxiety. Olivia shifted in the back seat and her hands were immediately upon me, gently resting on my shoulders as her thumbs pressed firmly into my rigid muscles.

Olivia didn't speak, choosing instead to soothe me with her touch at a time when her words would more than likely have been meaningless. Somehow she knew, somehow they _both_ just knew that I needed to be alone with my thoughts. As much as they might have wished otherwise, there was nothing that either one of them could say to me to make this any easier. Thankfully, they both also understood the healing power of touch. With their hands on me, offering me a tangible reminder that I was not alone, I was somehow able to survive the drive to the accident site without suffering any sort of emotional breakdown.

We'd been on the road for a little under an hour when Edward pulled into a scenic over-look along the side of the road. I immediately tensed, my heart rate having increased exponentially over the course of the last ten minutes as the distance between our car and the place my life had nearly been stolen from me so long ago grew shorter and shorter. I winced when Edward turned the key in the ignition and the engine shut off. The silence of the morning was almost too much to bear, and Edward glanced worriedly at Olivia.

"We need to get out of the car," I heard her say, and while she wasn't rude, her words left no question as to what she expected. Strangely enough, although the emotional pain I felt was nearly debilitating, I followed her instruction without argument. Gripping the handle to the door tightly, I pulled on it before pushing the door open and stepping out into the bright morning sun. I heard two other doors slam shut and moments later, Edward stood by my side. He reached for my hand, grabbing it in his and squeezing it tight. I was still shaking. So much so that his hand trembled with mine, and I could feel the alarm fire through his body as he realized just how much of a mess I really was. His eyes flew to Olivia's in a panic, and I stared down at my feet, feeling the last bit of courage I could muster quickly drain away.

I wanted to run.

I wanted to run far, far away and never come back. It was too much. It was just too much. I wasn't nearly strong enough to survive this. My feelings were bordering on hysteria and it was clear that Edward was picking up on this. Olivia looked first to me then to Edward before asking to speak with him alone for a moment.

As the only two people having any ability to keep me in place stepped to the side, I seriously contemplated leaving. I could run up the road and flag down a car. I could have the driver of that car bring me to safety; I could have him bring me anywhere but here because I was not safe here. I was more vulnerable here than anywhere else, and I knew for certain I wasn't strong enough to face the emotions I was sure to encounter once I reached the bottom of the mountain. I shuddered involuntarily at just the thought, and my resolve to do the right thing weakened further.

I was just about to do it, no matter how inane an attempt it might have been, I was just about to run when Edward returned to my side. This time when he took my hand, he did so with unspoken confidence. And when our hands trembled still, he reached out with his other hand, gently covering both of ours and rendering them immobile. I looked up at him and he stared down at me, uttering the only words that would fall from his lips for the next hour.

"Don't let go," he softly commanded, and as his eyes stared deep into mine, I knew he would be there for me, to hold me up and support me if I stumbled and fell, in both the figurative and literal senses. I nodded slowly, my eyes locked with his, trying my best to let him know that as difficult as this was for me, I was willing to put my trust in him. His strength gave me strength, his confidence gave me confidence. And together we stepped forward and onto the trail, the trail that would take me to the bottom of a mountain that had nearly swallowed me whole.

Our descent down the mountain was physically easy, and I couldn't help but wish that I was able to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings, but I couldn't. The lush, green vegetation that grew on the trees all around us, the song of a bird as it called to its mate, the warm summer breeze that rustled the leaves - none of it meant anything to me. Instead, I was unfailingly focused on the trail before me, a trail that had not been there ten years ago, a trail that had it been carved a decade earlier might have enabled me to climb to the top of the mountain for help. I felt anger and frustration temporarily usurp my anxiety as I considered this possibility. What a cruel twist of fate to be traversing a path that might have once been my salvation.

"This is just...really fucked up," I blurted unintentionally, reaching up in frustration to wipe at the tears that had sprung in my eyes. Edward jumped a little at the sound of my voice and understandably so. All three of us had been quiet since leaving the trailhead.

"What is that?" Olivia inquired from behind Edward and me. I stopped in the middle of the trail, bringing Edward to a grinding halt in front of me.

"This," I said, angrily pointing to my feet. "Why couldn't this trail have been here before?" I was caught somewhere between anger and despair and I realized I was quickly losing control over my emotions, but I really didn't care.

"Bella," Olivia called my name sharply, stepping forward to firmly grip my forearm. My eyes snapped to hers and I listened as she spoke in a very slow and clear tone of voice. "It would not have made a difference. You would never have been able to climb up the mountain in the condition your leg was in." Olivia spoke with such confidence that it was hard for me to believe otherwise. I held her unwavering gaze for several long moments before silently nodding and looking away.

"Honey, please try and remember why we're doing this," Olivia continued, her voice softening a bit as she gave my arm a reassuring squeeze. "Please don't torture yourself with what ifs. Part of learning to let go of your past is accepting what happened. No matter how much you might want to, it's impossible to go back in time. Please, don't let hindsight prevent you from moving forward because I promise you, regret for your past will only rob you of your future."

I swallowed hard, absorbing Olivia's words. She was right. I knew she was right. This exercise wasn't meant for me to sabotage my progress. It was meant to provide me an opportunity to say a final farewell - a farewell to the sad and broken girl whose life had been brought to a cruel and abrupt halt, a farewell to the woman who'd hidden behind a caged heart for far too long. I wasn't that person anymore. Somewhere deep inside I realized this, and I really did want to let go. I wanted to be free of all the hurt, anger and despair I'd held onto all these years. I wanted to be free to live my life with Edward, choosing to embrace love instead of anger, life instead of… nothingness. And so I reached deep inside myself, to a part of my soul I never knew existed until I met Edward, and forged forward. It wasn't easy, not in the least, but soon we were at the bottom of the mountain, standing in the exact same place I'd stood all those years ago.

"Gi…give me a minute, will you?" I stammered as I slowly lowered myself to the ground. My knees touched cool, moist earth, and I heaved a deep sigh as my hand tentatively reached out to touch the ground before me.

And I was amazed.

All my memories of this place had been tainted by the horror of the accident - Daniel's broken body laying inside the mangled car, my mother, barely alive, struggling to remain with me as long as she possibly could. But here, now, there was none of that. Death and despair were no longer present, replaced instead by a thing of beauty, a smattering of rainbow hued wildflowers that grew where death had once resided.

"Edward?" I called for him and he was immediately on his knees beside me, wrapping his arm around me as I huddled against him and cried. We sat together quietly for a long while as I grieved for the life I had lost, for the little girl whose family had been stolen for her and for the woman who had nearly given up her life in an effort not to let go. Nearly an hour passed before I was ready to rise from the ground, and when I did, I walked straight into Olivia's arms.

"Thank you," I said, reaching up to wipe the tears from my eyes. "Thank you for knowing what I needed. Thank you for knowing that I needed to come back."

Olivia pulled away from me, tenderly pushing my tangled hair from my face.

"You're welcome," she murmured. "Do you think you'll be all right to climb to the top of the mountain by yourselves?" She asked. "It's getting later in the day and the hike will take you several hours. You should be leaving soon. If you need me to accompany you…"

"No," I shook my head, interrupting her. "Thank you, but no. This is something I need to do on my own," I said, reaching back for Edward's hand. He took it in his as he stepped to my side. "Edward is with me, and if there are any problems he'll call."

Olivia didn't hesitate before nodding her head and her confidence in my ability to take this final step on my own only served to reassure me that I could do it.

"All right, then. I'm going to head back up the trail. I'll be waiting for you at the top, okay?"

"Okay," I said then watched as she walked off. Turning to Edward, I stepped into his arms and held him tightly to me before slowly pulling myself away.

"Are you ready?" He murmured, his eyes searching mine for a definitive answer. Both he and I knew that this was it. This was the end of my journey. If I could make it up that mountainside, I could finally put my past to rest. Taking a long, solid breath, I slowly nodded my head.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I answered him honestly. And with that, we started up the mountain.

A one hour trip down took us nearly four hours in reverse. We didn't have use of a trail this time around, and though the vegetation wasn't dense, there were many obstacles to clamber over such as fallen trunks and slippery rocks as we made our way to the top. Edward and I were silent for most of the hike. He would occasionally offer me water from a bottle he'd packed, but when he inquired as to whether or not I wanted to stop for lunch I'd told him I'd rather not. I wanted to keep moving forward while the will to do so was still there.

I thought of many things as we made our way up the mountain that day. I thought of the accident and my loss, about how I'd allowed a single event to define me for so long that it was nearly impossible for me to separate my identity from it. Part of my difficulty in letting go had undoubtedly been caused by my inability to let go of the guilt I carried. For so long, I'd agonized over not going for help when my mother lay dying on the ground. The guilt was so much that it had nearly swallowed me whole. But here, today, as I put one foot solidly in front of the other, retracing the steps my rescuers had taken, it was as if I suddenly saw the accident in a whole new light.

With each step I took, it became increasingly clear to me that it would have been impossible for me to have climbed the mountain on my own that night. As it was, Edward and I were struggling with the rough and steep terrain and we were perfectly physically fit. Realizing this, the last vestiges of guilt I carried slowly began to slip away and I truly felt as if my healing was close to being complete. Relief washed over me at that thought. I never would have imagined that it would feel so good to let go. But it did - wondrously so.

Soon, sunlight broke through the trees with increasing intensity, and my heart thundered in my chest as we approached the top of the mountain. I'd made it – together with Edward, I'd made it up the mountain. I never in a million years would have thought it possible, but I'd done it. I felt as if I'd reclaimed my life, a life that was stolen from me long ago, and I wanted nothing more than to run and laugh and cry because for the first time ever, I knew my life would no longer be defined by sorrow and loss, but would instead be defined by love.

When we were near to the top, Edward stepped alongside me, taking my hand in his and pulling me to a stop. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me, lovingly reaching out to cup my chin in his hands.

"This is it, baby," he murmured softly. I closed my eyes, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath while slowly nodding my head. Ten years ago, I'd passed through this same clearing only to be greeted by bright light - a light I assumed was calling me home to be with my mother and brother. But I had been wrong. I wasn't meant to die that night, rather I was meant to live and love and embrace life and all it had to offer. It had taken me a long time to figure that out, to understand I had been given a gift that night. It had taken me even longer to realize that it was possible to accept it. But I knew it was possible now, and by my side stood the man who'd shown me how.

As Edward and I embarked on the final steps of our journey, the light that shone brightly in the sky that morning called me to an entirely different place than before, and I followed it willingly, hungrily, more eager than ever before to start my life anew. With just a few more steps, we'd reach the top…

And that was when I saw them, their figures shrouded in magnificent light as they stepped forward into the bright rays of the sun.

I audibly gasped, my breath having been nearly knocked from me and my knees giving way beneath me as tears filled my disbelieving eyes.

There, atop the mountain, waiting for me with their arms outstretched stood my family.

Charlie, my father, standing side by side with Xavier.

Alice, my best friend, standing next to Jasper, sweet little baby James in his arms.

Emmett, Rose, Genevieve, and Carlisle and Esme too.

Even Melinda…

And at the far end of the line, looking down at me with just as much pride and love as the others was Olivia.

_My family._

There are moments in our lives we will never forget. As Edward steadied me with his strong arms, looking down at me out of eyes damp with his own unshed tears, I knew without a doubt this was one of them. I would never forget what it felt like to have my family waiting for me at the top of that mountain. I would never forget what it felt like to be unconditionally loved and supported by so many. And I would never forget what it felt like to finally let go.

Squeezing my hand tightly, Edward and I turned and faced the sun, and together we crossed the threshold into our new life.

**THE END**

**Endnotes:**

So this is it…this story has finally come to an end. Hard to believe after nearly 18 months time. There will be two short epilogues to follow soon, one of which will be in EPOV. But this story is complete without them. I set out to tell a story about the healing power of love, and I truly hope that I've done that. Thanks to everybody who took the time to read. I've enjoyed talking with many of you, and for those of you who have remained anonymous I appreciate you too.

For those of you who elected not to listen to Elgar while reading the last half of the chapter, I hope you'll take a moment to listen now. Nimrod leaves me speechless, and in truth, this music inspires me every day of my life.

Oh, just wanted to add that I am actually using my **Twitter** account now, lol. I've had a lot of fun chatting with people in the fandom these last few weeks. If you want, follow me **misgatoslocos** and I'll follow you back!

Finally, for any of you who are interested, I will resume work on The Preacher's Son as soon as the epilogues to Chance Encounter are complete. Until then…

Peace.


	39. Epilogue 1

**Author's Notes:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

Thanks to **azure0610** for all her fantastic beta work and to **aerobee82** for pre-reading!

I just want to say that I realize that this may not read as a true epilogue to some of you, but in my heart and in my head, **Chance Encounter** was complete at the end of Chapter 38. Chapter 40 will be more of a traditional epilogue. Thanks.

**Chapter 39: Epilogue 1**

**EPOV**

My head fell against the polished keys of the piano in frustration, my fingers seeming to have a mind of their own. I had spent the last hour or so attempting to work through a particularly rigorous passage in Beethoven's Pastoral Sonata, and I was no closer to capturing its mood than I was when I first started practicing it several weeks ago. Bella and I would be leaving for Germany early next week and filming on the Beethoven biopic would commence soon after, so little time remained for me to fine tune my playing. I supposed it was fine how it was; in terms of technical execution, I'd mastered this sonata. But, it didn't sound as if I were playing with any emotion. It sounded dull and devoid of the depth Beethoven had most certainly intended.

I felt familiar hands curl about my shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. I sighed, a contented smile forming on my face as I instinctively leaned towards Bella's touch.

"How long have you been listening?" I wondered as my hands sought hers. She bent down to place a kiss to my neck, a not so chaste kiss I might add, before smoothing her hands back and forth across my shoulders.

"Long enough," she murmured.

"No comments?" I asked, clearly fishing for feedback. Bella hesitated a moment before answering, understandably wary of my reaction. I'd been a bit of a bear these past few weeks, sometimes inadvertently snapping at her when she'd offered constructive criticism. It wasn't that it wasn't welcome, because it definitely was. I was just feeling a little bit insecure, doubting my ability to tackle this role, and it was shining through in my petulant behavior.

"Do you want the truth, or shall I sugarcoat it?" She teased.

I turned to her then, straddling the piano bench and pulling her onto my lap.

"I'm sorry if I've been difficult," I said as I brushed her hair from her neck. I placed a gentle kiss there before resting my forehead on her shoulder.

Bella giggled, weaving her hand into my hair.

"You have been a bit of a pill to swallow," she admitted. "But, you've made up for it at night," she murmured, her lips brushing against my temple. She was quiet for a moment before whispering, "Happy anniversary, baby."

I lifted my head from her shoulder at her words, my eyes seeking hers.

"Happy anniversary," I murmured back, irrepressible joy filling my heart as I closed my mouth over hers.

It was still hard for me to believe it had been exactly one year since Bella and I had met. Fate had been kind to us, uniting two empty and wandering souls. Our lives were much different now, each of us having found a home in the other, and I couldn't have imagined a happier outcome if I tried. I knew Bella felt the same way. She often told me I'd rescued her from a life devoid of meaning and purpose. That may have been so, but she'd saved me too. My profession, one I'd started to question even before I met Bella, was something I now embraced. It's amazing how all it took was the right person to stand by my side to make that happen.

"So, do you still want that feedback?" Bella asked as she pulled her lips from mine. I groaned, remembering a time many months in the past when Bella had made love to me right here on this bench. My dick twitched at the thought of it, Beethoven far from my mind. Unfortunately, the responsible part of me took the reins, temporarily overriding my mounting lust, and I nodded in response. Bella smiled at me, leaning forward to kiss my lips softly one last time before launching into her critique.

"Well, in terms of technique, you're spot on. You play with precision, keeping proper tempo and hitting all the right notes…" Bella's voice trailed off, and I mentally prepared myself for what was to come. Thus far, she hadn't told me anything I didn't already know. I'd learned this piece well, and to non-discerning ears, my performance would be more than passable. But, it was the tiny nuances of the piece that were missing. I'd listened to recordings of various artists playing this sonata, and each of their interpretations was much richer than mine.

"Go ahead," I prompted and Bella sighed.

"Edward, it's what we've been talking about all along," she said as she ran her hand through my hair. "It was the same with the Moonlight and Pathétique sonatas. You played them well to begin with, but without any feeling. It's the same with the Pastoral sonata. You have to try and get into Beethoven's head and channel what he must have been feeling into your music. Remember, his hearing was deteriorating when he composed this sonata, and he was understandably alarmed. So, even if the notes don't necessarily suggest it, there's definite tension in this piece. But, it's also strikingly beautiful. You need to try and find a balance between the two, between angst and beauty, and remember - they don't have to be mutually exclusive. Think of it as an artist's canvas – you have to blend together many colors in order to create a masterpiece."

Bella finished talking and smiled shyly at me. I knew she didn't like to come across as arrogant. In fact, it was a rare soul that glimpsed the depth of her musical genius. In my case, I was humbled by her knowledge, and even though I hadn't always been appreciative of it, I drank it up as if her words had fallen from the lips of God himself.

"Thank you," I said, taking her words to heart.

"Would you like me to play it for you?" She wondered and I nodded. She scooted off my lap then, which my dick did not necessarily appreciate, but I was anxious to hear her interpretation of the sonata so I didn't protest.

I remained on the bench beside Bella as she played, taking care to give her hands a wide berth. Watching her play was as near to a transcendental experience as I thought I'd ever come. The woman was truly a gifted musician. Technique and interpretation seemed to come as naturally to her as breathing, and I would have been lying if I said I wasn't a little bit envious. I was. I would have given my right arm to be able to play as beautifully as Bella. Well…okay, maybe that was a bit of an overstatement. But, with the start date for the biopic rapidly approaching, I was definitely feeling the pressure. I wanted to nail this piece, just as I thought I'd nailed the others. If only I could play as well as Bella.

"Simply amazing," I murmured softly as I watched her hands float over the keys. Those same hands made love to her cello just as passionately as she made love to me. I studied the tension in her arms, how her fingers flexed and curled around the notes and how her foot softly depressed the pedal. I studied each and every aspect of her performance, hoping to capture what I was missing. When she was finished, I smirked at her, earning me a raised brow.

"I think they may have given the part of Beethoven to the wrong person," I jokingly mused, and I watched as Bella shook her head at me while reaching out to playfully swat at my arm.

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself," she gently chided before swiftly kissing my lips. "You're an amazing pianist, and you'll get it…it just takes time. Besides," she murmured lowly while straddling my lap. "I wouldn't do Beethoven justice. I'm not nearly as sexy as you are," she breathed into my ear.

"You're wrong about that," I growled as my arms tightened around her waist. "You're infinitely sexier than I am." I licked a line from her jaw to her ear, lingering there to nip at the lobe. Bella moaned, shifting against me and causing me to gasp. My mouth found hers then, and I kissed her hard, my intentions clear.

"Edward," she breathed in-between kisses, her hips grinding softly against mine. "God, baby, I want you, but if…if we do this now, I'll be late. Alice is expecting me in an hour."

_Fuck_. I'd forgotten about their appointment. Well, that wasn't entirely true. I hadn't completely forgotten about it. It would have been impossible for me to forget about the premiere of my own film, to be held here in the city at the Ziegfeld Theater later this evening. I knew Bella and Alice had planned a day at the spa, but I didn't realize she'd be leaving this early. Part of me wanted to pout. I wanted a little more time with her. I wasn't exactly pleased that the premiere coincided with our anniversary. Bella, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind. She'd been more concerned with the fact that the premiere was to be held here in the city. That meant Alice and Jasper could attend, which thrilled her to no end. I hoped to thrill her in other ways later, too.

"I can be quick," I reassured her as I dragged my tongue against her collarbone, and I was telling the truth. I was so turned on that I probably could have come with the simple touch of her hand. Memories of making love to Bella on the piano bench returned with a vengeance - thoughts of her hand on my dick as she brought me to orgasm, thoughts of her beautiful body sliding up and down my own while I sat anchored to the bench. God, she'd been so fucking hot that night. It was the first time I'd seen her wearing my clothes and I'd all but lost control. It was so long ago, yet it seemed like just yesterday. It was still as much of a thrill when she touched me, as passionate and intense as it had been the first time we'd been together. I had a feeling it would always be that way between us. We were nothing if not intense.

"Jasper can only watch the baby until two," Bella blurted out just as my mouth was about to close over hers. And the mention of our good friend and our godson nearly killed my erection.

"Bella," I warned as my forehead fell against hers. "Please don't talk about Jasper and James while I'm trying to fuck you."

Bella gasped, my vocabulary causing her eyes to darken as she slowly licked her lips. It had been an intentional move on my part, cursing like that. I knew it turned her on, and as my eyes met hers, I knew I'd achieved my desired effect. I would have her, at least once I thought to myself, before she left.

"You'll have to be quick," she warned, her heaving chest betraying her excitement. I considered taking her right where we were, but my head was quick to remind me that if we took things into the shower, we'd be killing several birds with one stone. Therefore, we'd have more time to be together.

I assumed correctly. Several moments later, Bella and I tripped into the shower. She angled the shower head away from us, giving the water a chance to warm up before dropping to her knees in front of me. I didn't need to ask what she was doing. It was obvious. She was going to go down on me and it was going to be amazing, like it always was. I watched in awe as her mouth closed around me, her eyes falling closed as she focused on bringing me indescribable pleasure. My hands found their way into her hair, massaging her as gently as I could as I struggled not to come. Bella's mouth on me was always so intense, and it took a great deal of effort on my part not to ram my dick down her throat. But I didn't want it to be like that. I didn't want to give into my baser instincts. I wanted every act we shared to be defined by love - I wanted her to know how much she meant to me, how much I loved that she was willing to pleasure me like this, how much I loved how she gave of herself to me.

Bella ran her tongue along the underside of my length, pausing at the top to swirl her tongue around my head. Her hands gripped my hips tightly, her fingers digging into my skin as she increased the speed with which she took me. I gasped, groaning shamelessly as I felt my orgasm build. I felt the twitch of Bella's lips around me, and I knew she was smirking. I knew that she loved that she could bring me to this point, that she wielded so much power over me. Indeed, she was a goddess when she knelt before me, and I would have given her anything that she wanted. But she didn't want anything…she only wanted me. And with that thought, I erupted in Bella's mouth, grunting and groaning as she swallowed.

Pulling Bella to her feet, I swiftly kissed her before assuming her position from before on my knees. But Bella shook her head, pulling me back up and turning around so that her behind now rubbed against my dick. I was only half hard, still spent from my orgasm, but I knew it wouldn't take long before I'd be ready again.

"I want you to take me from behind," she said from over her shoulder, her voice all hot and breathy. She bent forward then, her hands resting against the shower wall as she nestled her ass in my groin. I hissed at the sensation, leaning forward so that my chest rested lightly on top of her back. With one hand I teased her right nipple, pulling and tugging at it until it was nice and pert. With my other hand, I teased her center, languidly dragging my fingers up and down, pausing only to slightly depress where she was most sensitive before repeating the circuit all over again.

"God, yes," she moaned as I simultaneously rubbed myself against her. I pinched her nipple in response, eliciting yet another soft moan. She was close, and without even entering her, I was too. Dragging my fingers upwards, I let my forefinger linger where I knew she wanted it the most. Pressing down, I continued to massage her nipple while running my tongue along her shoulder.

"Come for me," I demanded, desperate for her to find her release. My dick hovered at her entrance, slick and hard and ready to take her. Bella whimpered, pushing back against me. I bit down softly on her shoulder and felt her body start to tremble. I pushed into her then, fast and hard, both of us grunting as she finally cried out. It didn't take me long to join her, her muscles grabbing and contracting around me as she found her sweet release. I found mine too, and moments later we both stood panting in the shower, our bodies like jelly from the force of our orgasms. I kissed gently across her shoulders, pulling her around and gathering her in my arms as I murmured sweet nothings into her ear.

It took several minutes, but we finally recovered enough to shower. Time was not on our side, however, so we showered quickly. The entire time, I was slightly preoccupied, knowing I needed to speak with Bella before she left. I hadn't really been nervous about this before, but I was now. Stepping from the shower, I quickly wrapped a towel around my torso and ran into our room. I made short order of putting my clothes on, realizing that Bella would soon be emerging. Walking over to my nightstand, I pulled open the drawer and removed the object of my anxiety, gingerly slipping it into my pocket.

"There you are," Bella commented as she ran a towel through her hair. I watched, mesmerized, as tiny droplets of water clung to her perfect skin. "Any particular reason you bolted from the shower?" She teased as she moved to in front of the mirror. She shed the towel that had been wrapped around her chest and my dick took immediate notice, but there definitely wasn't time for another round now. Besides, my mind was preoccupied with other more important thoughts.

How would she react? What would she say? And why was I so bloody nervous? It wasn't as if we hadn't discussed this. Surely my offering wouldn't come from left field.

I watched as Bella pulled on a pair of jeans and I was suddenly overcome with the need to hold her and be close to her. If I took her in my arms, I was certain that all my anxiety would fade away. I crossed the room quickly, surprising her by spinning her around and holding her to me.

"Edward!" She gasped. "What are you…"

"Shh," I interrupted her. "I just want to hold you for a moment." Bella relaxed in my arms, her hand coming around to the back of my neck where her fingers gently massaged me.

"Edward, is everything okay?" She wondered as her hand crept up into my hair. I was right. I felt so much better already, her touch soothing me and reminding me that I had nothing to be anxious about. "You've been acting a little bit off this morning…"

"Everything's fine," I reassured her, holding her close. "I just needed to be close to you."

"We were just together," Bella teased and I smiled against her.

"I know, but I always want to be with you."

"You're hopeless," she giggled while pulling away from me, but I knew she felt the same way. She stood on her tiptoes to give me a kiss then, and I smiled back down at her, feeling infinitely better.

"Hopelessly in love with you," I quipped and she laughed while shaking her head. Bella kissed me again, this time more ardently, and as our bodies rubbed against each other she let out a soft yelp.

"Ouch…you're stabbing me," she complained without moving her mouth from mine.

"Sorry, love, but I can't help the way my body reacts to you," I said. I moved to deepen the kiss, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I might see some action again, but then Bella complained that I was poking her again. And I realized it wasn't my dick.

"Shit, I'm sorry, baby," I cried while jumping back. Bella looked at me confused and then narrowed her eyes.

"Edward Cullen, what is going on?" She demanded to know. I ran one hand nervously through my hair while the other surreptitiously swept across my pocket.

"I have a surprise for you," I finally managed to say, wishing I didn't sound so nervous. Bella was quiet for a moment, and then a certain look flickered across her eyes. I recognized it immediately, and I couldn't help but smile. She thought I was going to propose to her. And though she'd clearly misunderstood what I meant by surprise, her reaction certainly boosted my confidence for when that particular moment did arrive. The unconditional love and acceptance I saw shining back at me was proof positive she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

_Not yet, sweet girl, _I thought to myself_. Not just yet. Only a little while longer…_

"A surprise?" She said, and I watched as she swallowed thickly as my hand slipped into my pocket. Hiding its contents from her sight, I asked her to close her eyes and hold out her hand. She looked confused by my request, but did as I asked. Pressing her anniversary present into the palm of her hand, I held it there for a moment before instructing her to open her eyes.

"Happy anniversary, baby," I murmured as she stared down at the key. I felt a little guilty at the flash of disappointment that crossed her face; she'd obviously been expecting a ring. But I hoped my present would make up for that…at least in part. "We are now the proud new owners of a cabin in Montana," I excitedly explained, and understanding finally dawned on her.

"Are you serious?" She all but cried. "Is it _our_ cabin? The one we stayed in this summer?"

"The exact same one," I replied, and her subsequent kiss told me she was as excited as I was.

Twenty minutes later, Bella was running around the apartment like a madwoman, trying to collect everything she'd need for a day at the spa. Her Kindle and her iPod lay stacked on top of her purse, and she was currently trying to locate some obscure musical score she'd been pouring over these last few weeks. I shook my head as Bella narrowly avoided tripping over Johann, although he wasn't the only obstacle lying around in the middle of the floor. Countless pairs of shoes littered the apartment, not to mention stacks of books and piles of sheet music nearly waist high. Now that there were two of us living here, the apartment's size was beginning to show. I wasn't sure how much longer we could feasibly fit in here and wondered absently if I should have purchased an apartment in New York as opposed to a cabin in Montana. The truth was, I could and would purchase both, but I wanted to wait to buy an apartment in the city until Bella agreed to be my wife.

"So I'll meet you at the hotel at four, right?" Bella asked as she breezed to a stop in front of me. Apparently she'd found what she was looking for because her purse was now situated squarely on top of her shoulder.

"Four o'clock, Suite 7A," I confirmed and she nodded in reply. I had rented a suite at the Ritz for the weekend, in celebration of the premiere. My parents were in town, and I'd booked them a suite at the Ritz, too. Bella and I had eaten dinner with them there last night, and it was where I was headed for lunch with my parents later today.

"And what name are we registered under?" She wondered as she leaned forward to kiss me goodbye.

"Beethoven," I murmured against her lips. "Mr. and Mrs. Ludwig van Beethoven."

Bella paused, mid kiss, her eyes locking with mine.

"You can't be serious," she said and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"It seemed logical enough to me."

Bella laughed out loud, shaking her head at me and as she pressed one final kiss to my lips.

"All right then, Ludwig I'll see you in a couple of hours."

And with a playful roll of her eyes, Bella walked out the door.

As soon as Bella left, I got back to work on the Pastoral Sonata, trying to make use of the advice she'd given me by calling forth more emotion. Unfortunately, I was still nervous. I'd thought before that my nervousness stemmed from presenting Bella with her anniversary gift, but I realized now it had nothing to do with a cabin in Montana and everything to do with tonight. I sighed, realizing that any attempt to practice would be futile and decided instead to head over to the Ritz and check into our suite early. Grabbing my bag that Bella had packed for me the night before, I bid Johann farewell and headed out the door. Once downstairs, I utilized the front exit to the building, something I rarely did. But I wanted to thank Miguel for taking care of Johann while we were away and to leave him with appropriate compensation.

I arrived at the Ritz just before eleven, and thankfully our room was ready. I checked in under the alias of Ludwig van Beethoven and several minutes later found myself standing inside our suite. I couldn't help but smile when I considered that one year ago today, I was checking into a similar suite as a lonely, single man. Today, I was practically engaged, having found someone to share my life with. But it was more than that, really. I'd found a woman that spoke to me in so many ways, a woman that provided passion, romance, comfort and unconditional love in addition to her companionship. I was one lucky son of a bitch, and I planned on never forgetting that.

Suddenly, I had an overwhelming urge to speak with Bella. I knew there was a good chance she would be otherwise occupied, so I decided to text her instead. It was a simple text, composed of three very meaningful words - _I love you_. I liked to send these types of texts as often as possible so that she would never forget what she meant to me. Just as I hit send there was a knock at my door. I swiftly crossed the room, staring through the peephole at my father who was waiting patiently in the hall.

"Hey, dad!" I exclaimed as I swung open the door. I reached forward, briefly hugging him before letting him into the room.

"How's it going, son?"

"It's going well," I replied, about to open my mouth and ask where my mother was when my father answered my question for me.

"Your mother decided to join Bella and Alice after all. She sends her apologies, but she decided it would be much more fun to spend the day with the girls than to have lunch with the two of us," my father said with a smirk.

"I don't know whether to be offended or overjoyed," I laughed, though of course, I was only joking. I didn't mind that my mother had ducked out on lunch. In fact, I was thrilled that she wanted to spend time with Bella, even if it did mean I'd see less of her while she was here.

"So tell me," Carlisle said while patting me firmly on my back. "Are you nervous about tonight?"

I nodded, and Carlisle smiled slyly at me while motioning for us to sit down. We walked to a small sitting area framed by floor to ceiling windows. It provided a stunning view of the city, but I wasn't interested in gazing at skyscrapers or tiny passers-by.

"Oh, I almost forgot to ask. Did you give Bella the key to the cabin?"

"I did," I replied, a smug smile tugging at my lips as I remembered her reaction. "She loved it, although I think she was expecting something else."

"Of course she was," Carlisle agreed. "I remember how suspicious your mother was those final weeks before I proposed. Every time I took her out to dinner or planned something romantic, she expected me to fall down on one knee. In the end, I'm not sure I managed to surprise her, but all that really mattered to me was that she said yes."

"Yeah," I mused. "In the whole scheme of things, that's what's important, isn't it?"

My father nodded, and the two of us sat quietly for a moment, each of us reflecting on our good fortune. After a short while, I was aware that my father was studying me, and I smiled softly at him. It would have been impossible to miss his love for me, shining brilliantly in his eyes, and it simultaneously humbled me and filled me with a tremendous sense of gratitude for this man that had so lovingly raised me.

"Your mother and I are so happy for you," he finally said, breaking the comfortable silence, and I had to swallow back the emotion I felt as I slowly nodded my head.

"She means everything to me, dad. We've been through so much to get to the point we're at, and I finally feel as if true happiness is within our reach. There's no longer anything hanging over our heads."

"Hard fought battles are most always worth the effort," Carlisle mused and I wholeheartedly agreed.

"So, things have been better since California?"

"They have," I replied with a firm nod of my head. "It's amazing, dad. She's like a whole other woman. She's…she's finally at peace. There's an acceptance there that was never present before, and it's affected her entire outlook on life. She's much more optimistic, and she willingly shares what she's feeling…most of the time, anyway," I added with a smirk.

"And how is she handling the prospect of tonight?" Carlisle wondered. "I have to admit, your mother and I have been worried."

I knew precisely what Carlisle was referring to – all the lights and camera flashes and the anxiety that accompanied attending a movie premiere. Walking the red carpet had been a very emotionally intense experience for Bella last November, but she'd come a long way since then. Almost a year later, she was mostly desensitized to intermittent camera flashes and we often went out in public with little to no issues. Thankfully, people were bored of us now. That's probably because we _were_ boring, but that's the way I liked it. I never wanted a high flying lifestyle or any of the traps Hollywood offered. I only wanted to love, and to be loved, and I'd found that with Bella. Still, tonight would be unlike any public event Bella had experienced since my last premiere, and I would have been lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

"I've been worried about her too, dad, but she says she's okay. I think she's looking at this as a test of sorts; she wants to prove to herself that she can accompany me to high profile events. I told her I'd be perfectly fine if she decided to forgo the red carpet, but she wants to do it. And once she gets her mind set on something, it's hard to convince her otherwise."

Carlisle rolled his eyes, emitting a hearty laugh as a knowing smile crossed his face. "I know just the type of woman Bella is, son. I've lived with one for the better part of thirty years," he said with a wink. I joined him in his laughter, enjoying this carefree moment while I could. All too soon, the demands of the premiere would be upon me and I would have to make that shift from Edward Cullen, loving son and doting boyfriend, to Edward Cullen, movie star extraordinaire.

My father and I enjoyed lunch together, tucked safely within the confines of my hotel suite. We'd opted against venturing downstairs to the restaurant we'd dined at the night before, because I didn't care to contend with the media. I'd be ambushed by swarms of them soon enough. For now, I valued my peace and quiet.

Soon after lunch, my father headed back to his room, and thus began the countdown to tonight. Melinda would be arriving sometime soon, business having kept her in L.A. until the last possible moment. I'd texted her, reminding her not to bother Bella and me until we were ready to leave for the theater, and she'd texted me back with a wink. It was only two o'clock, and I wasn't expecting Bella until closer to four, so I busied myself with rehearsing lines until she arrived.

Before I knew it several hours had passed and there came a faint knock at the door. I knew it was Bella; she'd texted me moments before letting me know she was on her way up with her dress in hand. Alice designed yet another dress for Bella to wear to this evening's premiere, and it had just come from the cleaner's where it received one final press. Like Bella, the gown was simple and elegant, a throwback to an earlier time when fashion wasn't quite so crass. I crossed the room and opened the door, and I had to steady myself at the sight before me.

Bella was exquisite, her hair swept up in a loose clip with soft tendrils hanging loosely by the sides of her face. She'd had her make-up done too, something she rarely did, and while I loved that she normally went natural, I couldn't deny that I loved seeing her done up too. It didn't take much, a hint of blush here, a stroke of eyeshadow there…the result was a stunningly beautiful woman that literally took my breath away.

"Words fail me," I murmured as I took Bella's hand in mine. I brushed my lips against it ever so softly, my gaze never leaving hers, and she giggled softly.

"Oh, Edward, I haven't even put my dress on yet," she teased while standing on her toes to press a kiss to my lips.

"I know," I groaned. "I'm afraid when that happens, I might be rendered incapable of attending my own premiere."

"And why would that be?" Bella wondered while batting her lashes. She handed me her dress, a knowing smirk tugging at her lips, and pushed past me into the room. I followed closely behind, depositing the gown over a wingback chair before grabbing her from behind.

"Because my mind will be filled with all sorts of sordid images," I breathed, spinning her so that she faced me in my arms. I could feel her heart thrum wildly against my chest and I bent to kiss her, as carefully as can be so that I didn't smudge her make-up. Bella didn't try and resist me; she was as willing a participant in the kiss as me, and for a fleeting moment I seriously considered holing up in this magnificent suite and making love to her all night long. It was our anniversary after all, and I reasoned that was an acceptable enough excuse for ditching the premiere. Unfortunately, I was certain Melinda would think otherwise. Bella squirmed in my arms, her body seeking friction against mine. I groaned, slowly walking her backwards until she was pressed against the wall.

"What sorts of sordid images were you imagining?" She asked, totally feeding my lust – on purpose, of course. I ground against her, telling her with my body exactly what I imagined. For added affect, I leaned in close to her, sucking gently on her lobe before whispering in her ear.

"Fucking you against the wall, just like this…"

I wanted to chuckle as Bella shuddered, but the truth was, I was quickly approaching the point of no return. As it was, I needed to get into the shower quickly, for reasons other than cleaning up.

"Bella," I murmured while nibbling on her lips. "I…we…we can't do this right now…"

"Mmm hmmm," she answered me back, not making any move to take her mouth from mine. In fact, she kissed me forcefully, daring me to carry through with my fantasy. My hands fell to her behind, squeezing her tightly to me even as I battled to pull my mouth from hers, my body as desperate for friction as hers.

"God, baby…I…I have to take a shower," I managed to mumble, even as her tongue slipped languidly against mine.

"Then take one," she teased as her hand traveled down my front. She gripped my erection through my pants and I nearly came right then and there.

"Bella," I warned, arching a brow at her as I tore my mouth from hers. I was breathing heavily and in serious danger of dragging Bella into the shower with me, hair and make-up be damned. She looked up at me with a devilish smirk, continuing to grip me tightly.

And then my phone rang, and I didn't know whether or not to fall on the floor in thanks or tear into the person that was calling. Thankfully, a rational mind prevailed and I reluctantly slipped away from Bella, answering my phone in an unavoidably husky, yet categorically pleasant tone of voice. It was Melinda, calling to let me know she was here and checked in and reminding me that we were scheduled to meet by the kitchen service entrance, our favored means by which to enter and exit the building, in a little over an hour. Hanging up the phone, I gave Bella a quick kiss before shutting myself away in the bathroom.

Once inside, my nerves - the ones that had shadowed me all day long, returned with a vengeance. I'd been able to set them at bay while chatting with my father and rehearsing my lines, but now that I was alone again, I couldn't help but worry. Logically, I knew there was nothing to worry about, but that didn't stop my hand from involuntarily shaking as I reached into the shower to turn the water on. Once the water was warm, I stepped inside, letting the spray wash over me and rinse away some of my anxiety. I reached for the body wash, squeezing a little bit into my hand before smoothing it along my arms. My hands traveled further, down my torso and towards my thighs, and I hissed when my hand accidentally grazed my half-erect dick. Without thinking, my hand traveled back in the same direction, slowly stroking my growing erection.

I thought of Bella as I masturbated. I would have much preferred for her to have been the one stroking me, but she was off in another room, more than likely changing into her gown. The thought of Bella, with her hair swept up and wearing the barest hint of make-up, made me that much harder and I groaned as I picked up the pace with my hand. My head fell forward as I slapped my free hand against the shower tiles and I welcomed the pure pleasure that pumped through me. I needed this, I desperately needed this release. I was so wound up and on edge and though there was only one thing that would put my anxiety to rest, stroking myself while images of Bella danced in my head came in a close second. I felt my body start to tense as I neared my climax. My thumb brushed over my head, smearing the moisture that had collected there. And as an unbidden image of Bella dressed in a wedding gown with her legs spread open on a bed entered my mind, I came hard against the shower wall.

Heaving and panting, I took a moment for my trembling body to settle down. God, that image had been amazing, and it was all that I needed to push me over the edge. I wanted her that way, sooner rather than later, and as I finished up my shower, I reassured myself that she wanted me that way too. Stepping out into the bathroom, I ran a towel through my hair. I flicked the bathroom fan on to help the moisture to dissipate and took a moment to shave. I knew Bella would be waiting for me, as I'd already been inside the bathroom for nearly twenty minutes. I was keeping my fingers crossed that she would be dressed and ready for me when I emerged, clean shaven and donning a dark blue suit. Bella loved me in a suit; it turned her on, making her lust after me more than usual. I certainly wasn't complaining, though I did regret the fact that Melinda would be riding to the premiere with us. There would be no hot limo sex this time around.

My hair was reasonably dry by the time I finished shaving and I took a moment to run a small amount of gel through it before getting dressed. I opted against wearing a tie, instead choosing to leave the top several buttons of my shirt undone. Again, this was to please Bella. She had mentioned on more than one occasion that she loved this particular style. Slipping on dark socks and my shoes, I took a deep breath. Strangely enough, I wasn't nervous anymore. I realized now there was never anything to be nervous about.

Walking to the bathroom door, I listened closely and could hear Bella moving about the room. I wondered absently what she was doing and smiled to myself as I cracked open the door to steal a peek. Bella was sitting at the vanity, working hard to fasten a clasp at the back of her neck. Her beautiful face was reflected in the mirror and I choked back the sudden surge of emotion I felt, staring at the woman I loved more than life. Without a sound, I opened the door, strolling quickly to her side. I bent to kiss the back of her neck, where her hands were still fumbling with the clasp.

"Allow me," I murmured as I took over the task. Her eyes met mine in the mirror, and she smiled softly in thanks. I fastened the clasp easily, running my hands across her shoulders, down her arms and back up again before I silently lowered myself to one knee. I was trembling again, but it wasn't from nerves this time. It was from the sheer amount of love I felt for this woman sitting before me and for the love and wonder I saw reflected in her eyes as she gazed back upon me.

"Bella," I said, gently taking her left hand in mine. She gasped, her eyes filling with tears as awareness of what I was doing settled in.

"I believe in a lot of things I never used to believe in until I met you," I slowly began, struggling hard to keep my emotions in check. "I believe in fate. I believe that two people are meant to be together, and through an extraordinary set of circumstances they find each other and are suddenly made whole. I also believe in love. I believe in the healing power of love, and what love can allow us to do if we only open ourselves up to it. But most of all, I believe in us. I believe in you and me, Bella, and a future together with unlimited happiness and joy. I want that with you. I've always wanted that with you, and now, I kneel before you, a devoted, humble man asking if you want that to.

Bella, I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes upon you. Your beauty and strength never fail to amaze me and in fact, inspire me every day. I want to spend the rest of my life cherishing you, taking care of you and loving you as my wife. I promise to always love you, always care for you and always remain by your side till death do us part. You are my everything, my sweet girl. You are my most beloved. Will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?"

Somehow, some way, I managed to get the words out. There wasn't a dry eye between us when I finished, and Bella barely let me get all the words out before she fell to the floor in front of me, hugging me to her and murmuring yes, over and over again.

_Yes. She said yes._ My beloved would finally be mine.

I was overjoyed. I felt as if I could fly. I felt a peacefulness like none I'd ever felt before. I felt…complete.

Bella and I laughed and we cried and at some point I managed to slip a ring upon her finger. It was a family heirloom; a ring worn long ago by my great-grandmother. Like Bella, it was simple and beautiful, always seeming to catch the light no matter where it was. Bella loved it, as I suspected she would. And as we both stood from the floor and I gathered her in my arms, I realized I had never before been as happy as I was in that moment. My entire world was right. I was settled…_we_ were settled, and whatever the future held, we would face it together.

Unfortunately, the future held a premiere I really didn't want to attend. But, my presence wasn't optional. I'd considered this when planning my proposal. At first I'd been reluctant to marry the two events, no pun intended. But it was our anniversary, after all, and I'd wanted to propose to her on this day well before I'd known the premiere would be held on the same date. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the fact that Bella would be walking the red carpet with my ring on her finger. I had to admit, I was a little nervous about how she would react this time around and I was hoping my ring might lend her some confidence. Melinda had been concerned that a public announcement of our engagement might overshadow the premiere, but I assured her it wasn't my intention to announce anything. Now, if some brave reporter happened to notice the ring and ask me a question, I would not hesitate to announce to the world that Bella was my fiancé. But I wouldn't purposely do so without first being asked.

With great reluctance, Bella and I untangled ourselves from each other's arms, laughing as we dried each other's tears.

"You have made me the happiest woman in the world, Edward Cullen," Bella said while smiling warmly at me. "God, I must look like hell now," she added as a side thought, laughing as she ran her fingertips under her eyes.

"You are always beautiful to me," I assured her. "But, if you'd like to take a moment to freshen up, you'll need to do so now. I'm afraid Melinda is waiting for us downstairs." Bella nodded, lightly kissing my lips before slipping from my arms. She took several minutes to re-do some of her make-up before reappearing, fresh faced and with a stunning smile.

"Ready, Mrs. Cullen?" I asked while offering her my arm. She giggled lightly, threading her arm through mine.

"We're not married yet," she teased while lightly patting my arm. I paused, bending to whisper in her ear.

"In my heart, we always have been," I murmured. Bella's eyes immediately misted over, and she gently chastised me, informing me we'd never make it to the premiere if I continued to say things like that. I remarked that wasn't a half bad idea. I meant to kiss Bella then, but my phone rang, interrupting us for the second time in as many hours.

"Damn that woman," I jokingly grumbled.

"Later," Bella whispered against my lips.

"Without a doubt," I murmured back, sealing my promise with a quick kiss.

Miraculously, Bella and I were able to slip downstairs unnoticed, where we met Melinda at the service entrance. There wasn't enough time for anything other than a quick hello before we exited through the back door and into the limo. It was a short ride to the theater, and Melinda took a moment to congratulate both Bella and I before explaining the logistics of how the evening would play out. Mei was already on scene, haven completed several red carpet interviews. Upon our arrival, Bella would accompany me part way down the carpet before I met up with Mei for the requisite photo calls. Melinda would accompany Bella into the theater during that time, where she would sit and wait for me with Jasper, Alice and my parents. It seemed like a perfect, seamless plan, only we all knew the unpredictable could happen. I toyed with the idea of giving Bella one last out as the limo pulled in front of the theater, but the look in her eyes as I took her hand in mine told me she would not back down.

"Just hold onto me tightly, baby," I murmured as Ronald opened our door. She nodded then followed behind me as I stepped out into the crowd.

I was always amazed at the amount of people in attendance at a premiere. And I wasn't talking about the guests that had been invited. I was referring to the multitude of people lining the street, pressed up tight against barricades, screaming my name. It was impossible not to be overwhelmed by it all, and for a moment, I was hit by a flash of panic. My thoughts traced back to Amélie…to how she'd nearly been crushed to death in a crowd just like this. Thankfully, crowd control was much better tonight, with police officers kindly informing spectators to keep back. I took comfort in this as I gently led Bella forward.

_Click click._

The sounds of the cameras as they took picture after picture registered sharply in my mind. Given Bella's condition, I was much more aware of them now than I had ever been in the past. I tensed, gripping her hand tightly and looking down at her for any signs of distress. Unbelievably, my brave girl didn't even flinch, instead offering all who cared to look, a gorgeous smile. I beamed in pride, so thankful that all our hard work had finally paid off. We'd worked tirelessly over the last couple of months, taking picture after picture of Bella under every crazy circumstance imaginable. And here was our reward. Bella was standing solidly by my side, not a worry in the world as she strolled down the carpet towards the theater.

It was an amazing premiere, in every sense of the word. Bella and I enjoyed ourselves immensely and we didn't make our way back to the hotel until nearly four in the morning. My parents had left hours earlier, worn out by the festivities. Jasper and Alice left soon after in order to attend to baby James. But Bella and I remained, chatting with cast members and dancing and drinking until I couldn't stand to be away from her any longer. Of course, I was with her at the after party, but not in the manner in which I desired. I wanted to be with her intimately, inside of her and on top of her, making love to her as my fiancé. I sensed she felt the same when she kept running her fingers over her ring then casting me wanton glances. Amazingly, nobody noticed. In fact, with the exception of Alice, Jasper and my parents, all of whom were already in the know, nary a person uttered a word about Bella's ring the entire evening. It wouldn't be long before the world knew, but for tonight, the secret was ours and ours alone. I decided I rather liked it that way.

Stumbling into our suite, Bella and I couldn't keep our hands off of each other. We were touching and kissing and caressing, and I was most definitely on cloud nine.

"You were amazing tonight, sweetheart," I murmured as I took her face between my hands. I kissed along her jaw and down to her neck but paused when she didn't say anything in return.

"Bella?" I asked, pulling back to stare at her. Her eyes were full of so many emotions in that moment, and I could tell she was thinking hard about what to say. "The truth," I whispered, answering her unspoken question. "Always, the truth."

Bella bit down on her lower lip, nodding slowly as she reached for my hand.

"It was hard for me," Bella whispered, and I must admit, I was a little taken aback. She had been every bit the picture of confidence tonight, and I was surprised to hear it had been hard for her.

"The entire evening?" I wondered, and she immediately shook her head.

"No, no," she was quick to say. "It was a lovely evening, Edward, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. But, I'd be lying if I said the red carpet wasn't overwhelming. I'm sorry. I hesitated to say anything at all. I don't want to ruin our night. But, I also want to be honest with you."

"I appreciate that," I said while gathering her in my arms. We stood together quietly for a moment, Bella willingly soaking up the comfort I offered, but soon the hugging led to kissing and the kissing led to stripping and for the next several hours, we made the most passionate, wanton love.

I'm not sure what time Bella drifted off to sleep, but I know the sun had already risen. I watched her as she slept, contemplating my good fortune. I was in love with this woman…deeply in love. And I was so thankful she'd been brave enough to face her past in order to be with me. There was a part of me that was sad that tonight hadn't been a complete success, but then again, maybe it had. It wasn't perfect for Bella, as I had hoped it would be, but she hadn't suffered any sort of breakdown either. That, in and of itself, was definite progress. And I decided right then and there, with Bella sleeping peacefully in my arms, that it didn't really matter if she ever accompanied me to a premiere again. What was important was that she'd agreed to be my wife. That trumped everything.

We would be together forever, and starting today, it would be on our own terms.

**Endnotes:**

Thanks so much for reading. My apologies to anybody who was expecting it, but I will not be writing a wedding. The fandom is full of beautiful weddings, and it would be impossible for me to write something different from everybody else. So, I won't even try.

**I have a rec for you this week**! **Hallett Hall** by **Jaxington** has held my undivided attention since last Friday. It is by far one of the best fics I have read in a long time. It's full of angst, but the author has more or less promised a HEA, and the characters are so raw and real, I can't find it in myself to put it down. There is a palpable connection between Bella and Edward, one which grips your heart mercilessly. I've laughed, I've cried, I've sighed while reading it…so give it a try, and please review if you do. It deserves so much more attention that it's getting.

Follow me on Twitter misgatoslocos and I'll follow you back!


	40. Epilogue 2

**A/N:**

All the usual disclaimers apply.

This chapter is rated M for a reason.

Thanks to **azure0610** for all her fantastic beta work and to **aerobee82** for pre-reading!

**Chapter 40 – Epilogue 2**

**BPOV**

"She needs to be in bed no later than ten o'clock every night. She'll have to be at the gym early every morning and if she's tired she's more likely to hurt herself," I said.

"Got it," my father absently answered while searching through the cabinet for his favorite coffee mug. It was half past ten in the morning and Charlie and I had just finished eating a light breakfast. Edward was shopping with Daniel and Sue was upstairs helping Elizabeth pack.

"I would also prefer you limit sleepovers to the weekends. Elizabeth's going to meet a lot of girls and she's going to want them to spend the night, but she won't get the sleep she needs if she's up all night talking and giggling with her friends."

"Got it."

"Oh, and don't forget that it's best for her to eat dinner as soon as she arrives home from the gym. I don't want her going to bed on a full stomach. It's not good for digestion," I added.

"Got it," Charlie said as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"And remember, be sure to allow her to host as many unsupervised parties as she would like. In fact, why don't you and Sue take a hotel room one weekend and allow Elizabeth and her friends to have the house to themselves."

"Got it."

"Dad!" I all but yelled. My father fumbled with his coffee cup, nearly spilling his coffee as his startled eyes met mine.

"What? What is it?"

"Did you hear what I just said?" I asked, clearly exasperated.

"I did!" He assured me, not so convincingly. "I told you, I've got it, honey. There's really no need to worry."

"Well then, you just agreed to allow Elizabeth free reign over the house one weekend while you and Sue stay in a hotel," I pointed out in a clipped tone of voice. I was trying hard not to be too annoyed with my father, but it worried me that he didn't seem to take any of my instructions seriously. This was my daughter we were talking about, after all. Well, mine and Edward's daughter, anyway. And we were about to spend the next several months apart from her, a decision I'd made rather reluctantly, and one I still wasn't entirely happy about.

"I did?" My father innocently asked behind raised brows. I could have sworn I saw him smirk.

"Dad," I gently admonished while simultaneously slapping his thigh with a wet dish rag. "Would you quit yanking my chain? I'm being serious here."

Charlie smiled broadly before placing his mug on the counter top and pulling me into an awkward hug. At 37 weeks pregnant, it was all but impossible for me to participate in a hug if it wasn't done from the side. My greatly swollen belly had a tendency to get in the way.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he murmured as he placed a tender kiss to my temple. "I managed to raise you up just fine, didn't I? Have a little faith in your old man. Sue and I have this well under control."

I sighed, realizing that Charlie was right. Deep down, I knew that he and Sue would take good care of Elizabeth. I had no doubt she'd be just fine. I trusted my father implicitly, but it still didn't make the idea of sending Elizabeth away for the summer any easier.

I reach out and pat Charlie's stomach with my hand.

"I know you do," I said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. I wanted my father to know I had faith in him and Sue. "I just can't help but worry. It's just that I'm sending one baby in one direction, and my other in another. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without them," I admitted with a sigh.

This was the honest truth. In the twelve years since I'd given birth to Daniel and Elizabeth, I'd never spent more than a week apart from them. To conceive of spending an entire summer away from them was nothing short of impossible. My children, along with Edward, were my entire world. We'd always been together, the four of us, since the day we'd welcomed them into the world.

Daniel and Elizabeth were born four years after Edward and I were married. We hadn't planned on waiting that long to have children, but unexpected infertility meant we had to participate in several rounds of in vitro fertilization before our beautiful twins were born. It was a long and difficult pregnancy for me, once I finally did become pregnant, but all the trials and tribulations had been worth it the moment that Edward and I held our babies in our arms. Our lives had been forever changed through the presence of two highly energetic and always entertaining children.

Daniel Charles, named after my brother and father, was the first of our children to be born. From the moment he arrived in the world, he was quiet and thoughtful, always the one to sit back and observe rather than burst onto the scene like his sister. Daniel reminded me so much of Edward. He was good and kind, almost to a fault, and his patience knew no bounds. In that sense, he was definitely his father's son. But it was my propensity for stringed instruments that he'd inherited. His love affair with the cello began at birth when only its soulful sound could soothe him when he cried. He was playing Bach by the time he was four, on a specially modified instrument hand crafted in France and given to him by his doting grandfather, Xavier. Today, at the tender age of twelve, he was about to leave to spend a summer in France, learning the finer art of performance under the tutelage of Xavier. Xavier and Daniel were thrilled. I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck.

"You're going to enjoy your summer with Edward and your new baby, and before you know it, we'll all return home and you'll be wondering where the simpler days of caring for just one child have gone," my father teased.

"Hmm?" I said, shaking my head in confusion. My father threw his head back in laughter, pulling me to him and squeezing me hard before reaching for his cup of coffee.

"You said you weren't sure what you were going to do without Daniel and Elizabeth. I've just answered your question for you," he said, winking at me as he took a sip of coffee from his mug.

"You're probably right," I agreed. "I just worry about Elizabeth. She's so strong willed. She's not always easy to deal with."

"Sort of like her mother?" My father offered, and I couldn't help but smile. Charlie was right. If Daniel was a carbon copy of Edward then Elizabeth Renee was me through and through, right down to her soulful brown eyes and mane of mahogany hair. Elizabeth had also inherited my tenacity, and my strong desire for order and control. These characteristics generally served her well, but also meant she didn't respond well to being told what to do. Elizabeth was always certain she was right, and was reluctant to accept redirection or feedback. My father and Sue were used to this, but then again, they had never spent an entire summer as her primary caretakers before.

I have to admit that in the beginning, when Elizabeth had first been asked to train in Salt Lake City for the summer, I was reluctant to agree to let her go. I had just found out that at forty years of age, I was unexpectedly pregnant with Edward's and my third child, a little girl we soon decided to name Isabella Grace. Elizabeth's summer camp coincided with Grace's birth. There was no way I would be able to go with her to the camp, and I couldn't fathom sending her on her way with Edward. Edward and I had created Grace together, and together we would welcome her into this world. But Elizabeth was insistent…she really wanted to go.

How could I say no? It really was a fabulous opportunity for her, I couldn't deny that. Unlike Daniel, Elizabeth didn't have a musical bone in her body. But she was a gifted gymnast. Gymnastics was as great a passion for her as music was for me, and training in Salt Lake City could play a pivotal role in helping her to achieve her dream of becoming a U.S. Olympian. Still, I wasn't sure how we'd make it work, until Charlie and Sue had offered to take her. A week later, Xavier called, offering to take Daniel for the summer. He'd been asking me if Daniel could visit for the summer for several years running, but I'd always graciously declined his requests. I wasn't ready to be away from him for so long, but I realized that maybe now it was time to let go…if only just a little bit. My babies were growing up, and I didn't want the impending birth of their sister to prevent them from following their dreams. So, I'd agreed to let both Daniel and Elizabeth go, for the first time ever.

"Am I really being difficult?" I asked a little guiltily as I scooted onto a bar stool. At nearly full term, I was almost always uncomfortable now, my lower back in particular causing me a great amount of discomfort. Charlie turned toward me and smiled. It was a loving smile, indulgent even, and I knew at once he didn't mind my admittedly over-protective tendencies.

"No, honey, you're not. You're just being a good mother. I wouldn't expect anything less."

"Good mother? Who said anything about a good mother?" Edward's teasing words took me by surprise and I smiled widely at the sound of my love's voice. I smiled even wider as I felt his arms slip around me from behind. They traveled along my sides before coming to rest atop my belly.

"Bella isn't a good mother, she's a fantastic mother," Edward stated as he bent to kiss my cheek. Charlie chuckled softly beside me, nodding in agreement.

"I stand corrected," he said, his hands thrown up in mock surrender.

I felt Edward smile against me in response to Charlie's gesture. He gave me a little squeeze as he did so, and I sighed in contentment. Edward had only been gone for a couple of hours, but at my late stage of pregnancy, I tended to fret when he wasn't near. Thankfully, he was home now, and we'd be together for the rest of the day. Nothing could have made me happier. Even after all these years, I was happiest when I was together with Edward. My love for him hadn't faded over time. In fact, it had only grown stronger.

"Where's Daniel?" I wondered as I ran my hands along Edward's arms. I followed the length of them to where his hands lay before twining my fingers with his own.

"He's upstairs, finishing up packing," he said, and I couldn't help myself. I had to ask.

"Did you buy him enough underwear and socks?"

Charlie raised a brow at my question, fighting hard not to smirk, and I shot him a warning glance to which he merely rolled his eyes.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I can't help it."

"Can't help what?" Edward moved from behind me to stand between my legs. He placed his hands back on my belly and began rubbing them slowly back and forth. Grace rewarded him with a tiny kick and Edward's face brightened with joy.

"I can't help worrying," I said. "We're sending them away, Edward. We're sending our two babies away…"

And just like that it happened. One moment I was completely in control of myself, and the next minute I was a sobbing mess. Charlie took my little breakdown as his sign to leave and Edward gathered me into his arms.

"Hey, hey," he murmured while placing soft kisses about my face. "What's wrong?"

"Stupid hormones," I muttered, pressing my fingers to my eyes in an attempt to stem the flow of tears. I hadn't been so hormonal while pregnant with Daniel and Elizabeth, but throughout my entire pregnancy with Grace, I'd cried at the drop of a pin.

"This isn't hormones," Edward said, his lips moving closer to my mouth. He kissed either side of it before closing his mouth over mine. He held it there for a moment, sucking softly and catching a quiet sob before gently letting go. It was almost enough to distract me. Almost.

"You're right," I admitted, my head falling against his chest. "I'm just having a really difficult time accepting that as of tonight, we'll be all on our own. This is harder than I thought it would be."

Edward sighed, squeezing me to me as tightly as he dared. Grace protested, kicking him in the stomach, which caused us both to laugh. It felt good, and helped to relieve some of the tension we both felt.

"It if makes you feel any better, I'm having a hard time too," he murmured.

"It just feels like we're splitting our family up, at a time when we should all be together," I said.

"I understand," Edward said as he gently swept the hair from my face. "But our children are growing up. We can't always be together. This camp is important to Elizabeth, and the starting date was non-negotiable. And you know in the fall…"

"I know, I know," I said, waving my hand in front of Edward to let him know I didn't really want to talk about the fall. Edward would be leaving us in the fall, heading to South America for three months to shoot his latest film. It would be the first time we would all be apart. Ever since our children were born – before that even, Edward and I did everything together. He selected several projects a year to work on, and I followed along, homeschooling our children and playing with local orchestras to pass the time. In between films, we returned home to the Santa Ynez Valley, where we now owned a home very close to where my father and Sue lived.

"All I'm trying to say is that our family dynamics are changing," Edward gently pointed out. "And I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. Of course, I'll miss the twins like crazy. But I'm really looking forward to a summer alone with you and Grace. It will give me some time to get to know her before I have to leave."

I noted a distinct change in the tone of Edward's voice as he spoke about leaving Grace. In many ways, I thought this was more difficult for him to come to terms with than leaving Daniel and Elizabeth. In Edward's mind, and I suppose in part of mine too, Daniel and Elizabeth had reached an age where it was to be expected they would spend time apart from us. But Grace would only be several months old when Edward left, and he'd so enjoyed the twins as babies. I knew it was killing him to have to leave her behind, but we'd both decided it was for the best. It was becoming increasingly difficult to juggle life on the road with Elizabeth's Olympic aspirations and Daniel's musical training.

"You're such a wonderful father, did you know that?" I said, reaching up with my hand to run my palm along Edward's cheek. My thumb traced across his brow in the process, smoothing out the worry lines there. "Grace is going to adore you."

Edward smiled lazily at me, bending forward to kiss me. "Feel better?" He wondered as he continued to press small kisses to my lips.

"A little," I admitted. "If you keep that up, I might just forget what I was upset about."

Edward needed no further instruction, and as if we were horny teenagers sitting in the back seat of a car at a drive in movie, we made out in the kitchen, Edward's body pressed as close to mine as possible. My legs wound around his thighs, holding him tightly to me as his tongue stroked mine, and I sighed in utter contentment as I felt his hands thread through my hair. This right here was all I ever needed, I thought. Seventeen years later, this man still grounded me. His touch, his voice, his embrace were all I needed to sustain me even during the most difficult of times. Some things would never change, I reasoned. Edward was my rock, solid through and through.

"Geez, do you two ever stop?" Elizabeth's shrill voice interrupted my increasingly hot make-out session with Edward. I wasn't thrilled with the interruption, but then I reminded myself that in less than three hours time she'd be on the road to Utah, so I reluctantly pulled away from him, only to meet Elizabeth's accusatory stare. "It's getting to the point where I don't want to bring my friends over," she exclaimed, though the sparkle in her eye told me she was only teasing. "There's something not normal about the two of you."

Edward laughed out loud at Elizabeth's comment, pulling her into a side hug.

"Sweetheart, my greatest hope is that you'll know a love like your mother's and mine one day," he said as he reached out to tousle her hair. Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but she willingly hugged Edward back.

"So, do you think you could tear yourself away from dad long enough to help me finish packing?" She asked me when she pulled away from him. I pretended to have to give it some thought, just to get a rise out of her, but she quickly caught onto my game.

"Come on mom," she said while grabbing hold of my arm. I cast a glance over my shoulder as Elizabeth led me from the kitchen and Edward smiled warmly at me.

"Love you," he mouthed.

"Love you, too."

At the top of the stairs, Elizabeth pointed out a large pile of clothing outside her bedroom door.

"This is for Goodwill. I decided to clean out my closets while packing."

I surveyed the pile of clothing before me, shaking my head in disbelief. Elizabeth owned a ridiculous amount of clothing, thanks to her doting Aunt Alice. Alice was the mother of two boys now. She had given up hope of ever having a little girl, so she spoiled Elizabeth as if she were her own.  
"Are you sure none of these fit?" I asked. Some of the articles of clothing still appeared to have their tags attached.

"I'm sure," Elizabeth assured me. "Besides, Aunt Alice just sent me a package of new clothes the other day. Come on, you've got to see this bathing suit she sent me!" Elizabeth dragged me into her room, which was covered from floor to ceiling in clothes, and gently sat me on her bed.

"Take a look at this," she said excitedly as she draped a bathing suit across my enormous belly. I couldn't help but laugh. My stomach had somehow morphed into a display table. My laughter was short-lived, however, when I more closely examined the suit.

"Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. This will not do at all. This…this…" There were no words to describe the tiny scrap of fabric lying across my belly. I couldn't even believe Alice had thought to send it. It left very little to the imagination, to say the least, and there was no way I was going to let Elizabeth wear it. Ever.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Elizabeth cautiously asked, clearly worried by what I'd said.

"Honey," I began, trying my best to placate her. "Whatever happened to that nice, one piece Speedo suit you wore last summer?"

"Mom!" Elizabeth screeched. "I wore that suit for swim team. It doesn't do anything for me. It's not sexy," she complained, and I'm pretty sure all the color drained from my face.

"It's not sexy?" I repeated in disbelief, because I couldn't believe those words had just left my daughter's mouth. Twelve year olds were not even supposed to know what sexy means! Of course, give the current day and age, Edward and I had had _the_ talk with the twins at the beginning of the year. We wanted our children to be armed with all the necessary facts for when the time came that they did decide to become sexually active. But never in a million years did I dream that six months later I'd be discussing whether or not a bathing suit was sexy with my twelve year old daughter.

"No, it's not," Elizabeth insisted before dropping onto the bed beside me. She heaved an expressive sigh before fiddling with the strings on her sweatpants. "How will I ever convince a boy to like me if I don't make an effort to look pretty?" Elizabeth spoke so quietly, I wasn't sure I'd heard her right. What was supposed to be a carefree morning spent helping Elizabeth pack was quickly turning into anything but. I reached out and gently stroked Elizabeth's hair and she laid her head on my shoulder.

"Honey, can I ask what this is all about? Since when are you worried about boys?" I supposed it was a silly question, because at Elizabeth's age, it was a given that boys would burst onto the scene at some point or another. However, until now, our home had remained blissfully free of any pre-teen, hormonal drama.

"Since Christopher Waters kissed Cindy Smith," she mumbled, and suddenly it all made sense. Chris and Cindy were on the team at Elizabeth's gym, and apparently there was a whole lot more going on at gymnastics than I'd ever imagined. Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach. Elizabeth was about to leave for an entire summer, to participate in a co-ed gymnastics program in an entirely different city. What if she met a boy that she liked? What if he tried to kiss her? My mind reeled with the possibilities, and they all led to one final thought - I wouldn't be there to help guide her, to point her in the right direction or answer her questions if such situations did arise. But then Elizabeth said something that threw me for a loop, something that was entirely unexpected, and as much as I worried about spending the summer apart, her one single question told me she was going to be just fine. This kid was much more perceptive than I gave her credit for.

"Do you think I'll ever meet somebody who loves me as much as daddy loves you?" She asked.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because Chris isn't very nice to Cindy. He kissed her, but then he says mean things about her behind her back. I'd like for a boy to like me, but I don't want to be treated like that," she said. Elizabeth lifted her head from my shoulder then and peered up at my face. "I know I tease you and daddy about kissing each other," she said while blushing a brilliant shade of red (she was _my_ daughter after all), "but I like the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. You look at each other like…like…"

"Like we're in love?" I offered, and Elizabeth smiled softly at me.

"Yeah…like you're in love. But a special kind of love, a different kind of love. None of my friends have parents that look at each other like you and daddy do. And I just wonder if I'll ever find someone to love me as much as daddy loves you."

I pulled Elizabeth to me again, surprised by the depth of our conversation but at once relieved that she seemed to get it…she seemed to understand that love meant being cherished by another and being treated with respect, it didn't mean kissing a person then running in the opposite direction and talking badly about them. If Elizabeth could just hold true to that belief, and wait to be with a boy that respected and cared about her, she might just avoid the major pitfalls of teen romance. A mother could hope, anyway.

"I hope you do, honey," I said, though I was well aware that the type of love that Edward and I shared was the exception these days, rather than the rule. "There are no guarantees in life, but I can promise you this. If you remain true to yourself, and wait to become involved with a boy until you meet one that treats you with kindness and respect, there's a pretty good chance you can have what your father and I have too."

"I hope so," Elizabeth said, burrowing her head into my chest. "He makes you happy. I like that. That's how a relationship should be."

"He does, sweetie. He makes me so happy. And you're right, that's precisely how a relationship should be."

Several hours later, Elizabeth was on her way to Salt Lake City and Edward and I were preparing to drive Daniel to the airport. He had a 7 pm departure from L.A., on a direct flight to Paris. It had taken a lot to convince me to let Daniel fly half way across the world as an unaccompanied minor, but Xavier promised me he'd be waiting for Daniel the moment he landed. Daniel would also be assigned his own stewardess, who would look after him in flight. For his part, Daniel was thrilled. He was nearly thirteen after all, almost a teenager he reminded me on a daily basis and he was perfectly capable of flying alone.

Traffic cooperated with us on our journey into the city and after checking Daniel in, we found ourselves having an early dinner inside the international terminal while waiting for his flight to board.

"No more American cuisine for me," Daniel said while digging into his fajita. "As of tomorrow, I'll be dining on fine wine and cheese, fresh baked croissants and crepes," Daniel teased. I raised a brow in his direction and Edward tossed an olive from his salad into Daniel's drink.

"Watch it, cheeky boy. Your mother and I still reserve the right to keep you home with us," Edward warned, though his smile gave him away. He wasn't really serious.

"I could think of worse ways to spend my summer," Daniel replied with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, and I couldn't help but smile.

"You know it's not too late," I offered while scooting my pasta around my plate. I wasn't really eating it, just playing with it. At nine months pregnant, there wasn't much room left for my stomach. I could eat an orange and feel full. Besides, I wasn't really hungry. As of tonight, Edward and I would officially be childless. Well, that wasn't exactly true. As if to prove that point, Grace gave a firm kick to my belly. Edward chuckled beside me. His hand lay protectively over my belly, and he had felt her kick too.

"Mom," Daniel said with a roll of his eyes. "I said I wouldn't mind spending the summer with the two of you, not that I wanted to." Edward laughed at Daniel's comment, but I couldn't help but frown. Of our two children, Daniel most closely approximated a mama's boy. Though I hadn't realized it, there was a part of me that had hoped Daniel might back out of going to Paris. It was such a big step for him, to travel half way around the world without us. But apparently he was okay with this, and I knew I needed to be okay with it too.

After dinner, Edward went to check on the status of Daniel's flight while Daniel and I took a seat in the large waiting area. I sighed once seated, feeling the stress of the day catch up with me. Edward had suggested we take a hotel room in L.A. tonight, but I had declined his offer, preferring instead to drive home. Grace wasn't due for several more weeks, but I didn't want to chance going into labor in L.A. I wanted to give birth in our local hospital, close to home, and not at Cedars Sinai. That had the potential to turn into a media circus. Even though Edward was considered past his Hollywood prime (though I vehemently argued against this), he was still a fairly common household name. He didn't draw quite the attention he used to, but he'd already had to sign a handful of autographs this evening and I was sure there would be more to come.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I'll miss Grace's birth," Daniel said while reaching out to rub my belly. "Promise me you'll send pictures as soon as she's born?"

"Oh, sweetheart, of course I will," I said, working hard to fight back the tears. I didn't want for Daniel to feel guilty about leaving. Traveling to Paris and studying with Xavier for a summer was an opportunity he shouldn't pass up. Grace's birth was still several weeks away. If she went past term, it could be as many as five weeks away. If Daniel waited for her to be born, he could miss half his summer in Paris. I knew that…logically I knew that. But it didn't make it any easier to say goodbye. Thankfully, Daniel tactfully directed the conversation away from his impending departure and instead, focused on baby Grace.

"So, do you think she'll play an instrument?" He wondered as he pulled his cello to his side. We'd purchased a separate ticket for his cello, as I always did when I traveled with mine. We couldn't afford for his instrument to be tossed about in the luggage compartment. In fact, I was pretty sure it was one of the provisions of our insurance agreement. Neither Daniel's cello nor mine could ever be checked as a piece of luggage. Our instruments were simply too expensive to take careless chances with.

"I don't know," I answered him with a shrug. "I thought for sure that Elizabeth would play, but nothing could interest her less."

Daniel snorted.

"Yeah, not to mention the fact she's completely tone deaf."

"Daniel," I gently chided, though I couldn't help but laugh. It was true. Elizabeth couldn't carry a tune to save herself.

"Chances are she'll play," Daniel decided with a firm nod of his head. "Elizabeth's just an aberration."

"Daniel!" I reprimanded again, this time with more force. Daniel nudged me in the side with his elbow and smiled.

"I'm just yanking your chain, mom," he said. "Even though it's true," he added with a mischievous smirk. But I didn't bother to reprimand him again. Daniel knew what he was doing. He loved to ruffle my feathers, to see just how much he could get away with. He was testing the waters, as all pre-teens do, and I wondered if maybe the teen years might be more challenging that I had originally thought.

"Well, I think given your parent's and grandparent's disposition towards music, it's a good chance Grace will play something."

"I hope so," Daniel said with enthusiasm. "Wouldn't it be awesome if we could form a trio? You, me and Grace. She could learn to play to violin."

_Just like my brother_, I thought. A single tear slipped from my eye as I considered the possibility. Life had come full circle for me in so many ways over the years. Dare I hope to play in a family trio again? A mother and her two children…a daughter and a son. It would be more meaningful than words could ever express, and I found myself saying a silent prayer that Grace would indeed take to the violin.

"It would be beyond awesome," I agreed while bending to the side to place a kiss to Daniel's temple. He blushed at my public display of affection, but he didn't pull away. And whether it was because he wanted to indulge his teary-eyed mother or because he desired the affection himself didn't really matter. All that really mattered was that we were spending the last few moments of time before Daniel's departure, together. "It would be a dream come true."

We arrived home from dropping Daniel in L.A. in record time. Edward drove, and I had a sneaking suspicion he sped most of the way. I fell asleep not too long after leaving the airport. Well, cried myself to sleep is probably a more accurate way of describing what happened. I was a bit of an emotional wreck when we left the airport. To his great credit, Edward didn't say a thing. He just held my hand and rubbed my thigh as we sped along the highway, knowing instinctively that I needed some time to myself. Edward knew that I'd eventually share my feelings with him. I always did. I never held anything back. Not anymore. Not since he'd climbed that mountain with me, so many years ago. Our relationship was stronger because of it, and I knew that it worked both ways. Edward was always open and honest with me, too, even when he knew it would cause an argument. The thing was, arguments could be worked through. But when you stopped communicating with the one you love, well that was a recipe for disaster.

Edward flipped on the lights in the foyer as he helped me into the house. My back was killing me, and the fact that I'd eaten very little at dinner was starting to catch up with me. Luckily, Edward had stopped off at Subway and ordered me a meatball sub on the way home. Meatball subs were my thing with this pregnancy. I hadn't craved much with the twins, but Grace seemed to like meatballs. Maybe that's why I gained so much weight with her. Somehow, I was nearly double the size with Grace than I had been with the twins.

"Why don't you take a minute to eat your sub," Edward suggested as he guided me into the kitchen. "I'm just going to go turn down the bed, and I'll be right back."

I looked on at Edward questioningly. He never turned back the sheets.

"What's going on?" I asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Nothing," he murmured while placing a kiss to my temple. He then commanded me to sit and eat, which I did without further ado.

Edward scuttled off, only to return fifteen minutes later. I was a little disgruntled at having been left to eat my sub on my own, but when I saw him standing in the doorway, his shirt noticeably absent from his chest, my mood improved tenfold.

"How was your sub?" He softly inquired, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"It was fine," I said, doing my best not to let my eyes wander to the noticeable bulge in his silk pajama bottoms. I failed miserably, of course, and Edward's eyes darkened as he followed my line of sight.

"Are you tired?" He asked, and I shook my head no.

"I was hoping you'd say that," he said, his voice low and husky, and he extended his hand forth, beckoning me to come to him. I did as he asked, and as I placed my hand in his, he pulled me to him, kissing me softly on my lips.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" He murmured while guiding us towards the stairs. He was walking backward, his lips still attached to mine, which was no small feat in and of itself. I was never particularly graceful to begin with, and I was a certified bull in a china shop while pregnant. True to form, I stumbled over a discarded pair of shoes at the landing to the stairs, and Edward laughed freely as he caught me in his arms.

"Careful, love," he warned. "If you're going to go into labor tonight, I prefer it be through means other than tripping over a pair of shoes and falling to the floor."

"Oh?" I asked with raised brows. "And what means would those be?"

Edward pulled me flush against his body then, making it perfectly clear what means he was referring to. Feeling him up against me like that drove me crazy. There was something about being pregnant which made me crave sex more than usual. Edward didn't complain, though he'd initially had his concerns. When we were first pregnant with the twins, he'd felt funny about having sex with me. He worried, unnecessarily, that he would hurt the babies. Even when the doctors assured him that wasn't the case, he held back, preferring for us to pleasure each other orally as a substitute for actual sex.

By the time my second semester with the twins rolled around, I was damn near desperate for sex. My body was consumed by raging hormones and I physically needed Edward more than I ever had before. One night, while he lay asleep, I more or less attacked him. He awoke to me straddling him and moving above him provocatively while fondling my breasts. I hadn't yet taken him inside me. I would never do that without his permission. If he truly felt it best not to have sex with me while I was pregnant, I would abide by his wishes, but hell if I wasn't going to try with all my might to change his mind. And if there was one thing I knew that Edward couldn't resist, it was me, hovering above him, breasts in hand, fondling myself as he looked on.

We'd had sex that night, much to my extreme pleasure and relief. And when Edward saw how blissed out I was afterwards, he did a complete 180 with regards to what he thought about pregnant sex, determining that sex was in fact a complete necessity in assuring the comfort and happiness of our unborn children. If I was on cloud nine, our babies must be too, he reasoned. Thus began several months of some of the best sex of our lives. Unfortunately, I was put on bed rest at seven months with the twins. Thankfully, that wasn't the case with Grace. Edward and I had been green-lighted on intercourse up until labor commenced, and I intended to take full advantage of it.

Edward led me up the stairs by my hand, despite the fact I strongly protested the absence of his lips. When we arrived at the top, he pulled me to him again, smirking as he placed small, teasing kisses to either side of my mouth. I was frustrated, wanting him to kiss me more forcefully, but he seemed intent on guiding our activities this evening and I decided I would let him. It had been a while since we were alone. Given that our children would be gone for the summer, we hadn't left them with my parents for awhile now. This meant we had to wait until late at night to have sex, and these days, both of us were likely to fall asleep before that happened.

We reached our bedroom door, and Edward paused for a moment before swinging the door open. I was immediately taken aback by the sight before me. Somehow, in the time it had taken me to eat my sub, Edward had managed to light half a dozen candles in the room. My eyes wandered to the bathroom, where I noticed the soft flicker of even more candles from behind the partially closed door. I looked up at Edward and he stared down at me, his hand coming up to sweep my hair over the side of my shoulder.

"Undress for me," he murmured. "Let me see you." His voice was low and husky, yet laced with complete and utter devotion. When he spoke to me like that, it never failed to humble me. He stepped away from me, asking me with his gaze to carry through with his request. As my hands traveled to the hem of my shirt, I suddenly felt self-conscious. At 37 weeks pregnant, my belly had ballooned to the size of an exercise ball. Ironically, I'd never been this large with the twins. Two babies and I'd only gained thirty pounds. With Grace, I'd tipped the scales at forty pounds over my normal weight. I wasn't sure why this was the case, though I had a sneaking suspicion all the ice cream I'd eaten this pregnancy had something to do with it. My hands hesitated, and Edward noticed, his eyes narrowing as he watched me closely.

"Bella?" He asked, his voice shifting now to one of concern.

I mumbled a quick apology, slowly lifting my shirt up and over my head and discarding the article of clothing onto the bed. I stood there then, my eyes shifting about the room, anxious about meeting Edward's.

"Take your bra off." His soft words carried through the air between us, and as if I had no will of my own, I reached around to where my bra fastened in the front and unhinged the clasp. It popped open, revealing my swollen breasts, which only served to make me feel even more self conscious.

"What's wrong?" Edward murmured, his eyes narrowing when I refused to meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I don't know what's come over me. I just…I feel huge," I mumbled while fiddling with the button on my shorts. Edward's eyes immediately softened, and in a single stride he stood before me and then lowered himself to his knees. His hands came up to cradle my belly, and his lips peppered soft kisses about the taut skin.

"She's awake," Edward chuckled as Grace's little foot nudged him in the mouth, and I couldn't help the tear that trickled down my cheek and splashed onto my stomach. Edward looked up at me then, and the love I saw reflected in his eyes nearly caused me to lose it.

"Oh, Bella. Don't you know by now how precious you are to me? How much I adore you and worship this body?" He murmured before placing a single, soft kiss to the center of my belly. "You will never be more beautiful to me than you are when you are carrying our child," he said as he rested his cheek against my belly. I swallowed back a sob…a good sob…an _I feel so loved_ type of sob, before threading my fingers into Edward's hair.

"I love you," I whispered.

"And I love you," he answered me back.

Edward rose to his feet then, and removed the remainder of my clothes on his own. The process took longer than normal, as Edward felt it was necessary to back me against a wall and slowly work me with his fingers while he kissed me slowly, his warm tongue sliding languidly against my own. I came quickly, and it wasn't until my body had stopped shaking that he'd pushed my shorts and panties to the ground.

We took a bath together, where Edward once again brought me to orgasm. I lay with my back against his chest, his erection pushing against my back as he fondled my breasts with one hand and my clit with the other. I'd wanted to go down on him in the tub, but he wouldn't let me. I refused to take no for an answer when we stepped out of the tub, however, gripping the towel that was wrapped around his waist in my hand and giving it a firm tug. Somehow, I managed to gracefully fall to my knees, and I'd taken him into my mouth before he had a chance to protest. He was so hard, his erection begging for release after already having given me two orgasms of my own. It hadn't taken long before he was grunting and groaning and spilling himself into my mouth.

Edward led me to the bed afterwards, and we lay side by side, touching each other intimately and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. Soon, our language turned more colorful, and words like _fuck_ were being thrown freely around. I could feel Edward, slick and hard against my stomach, and when he told me to get on my hands and knees, I did so willingly. It only took him a moment to position himself behind me, and soon he was slipping inside, filling me completely until his hips were pressed against my behind.

"Jesus, fuck," he muttered, his hand coming around to press between my legs, but I gently pushed him aside, preferring to make this feeling last as long as possible. If he touched me like that right now, I would come immediately.

"You want it slow?" He murmured as he began slowly pulling out and pushing in, and though it was sweet torture for the both of us, I nodded my head. Edward's hands rested on either side of my stomach, and he gripped me lightly there as he moved slowly in and out.

"So fucking perfect," he whispered, and I knew he was referring to our union. He loved to take me this way, to watch himself slide in and out of my body with ease. I liked watching too, though my view was all but obstructed by my belly now. So instead, I turned and looked over my shoulder, and watched Edward watching us. I bit down on my lower lip, the look of pure ecstasy and lust in Edward's eyes driving me to the edge. He looked up then, and when his eyes met mine, he unexpectedly erupted in me. I reached between us, to between my legs, where I quickly brought myself to orgasm with him before we both collapsed onto the bed.

A little while later, I awoke with a start to the distinct feeling of a contraction gripping my abdomen. I sat up, wincing as I did my best to breathe evenly, in and out, through my mouth. Though it was several weeks early, I was in labor - there was no doubt about it. When the pain of the contraction faded away, I glanced at my watch, noting the time before nudging Edward in the back. He mumbled something incoherent, his eyes fluttering open for a moment before quickly falling closed again. I nudged him again just as another strong contraction gripped my body. I cried out a little, and Edward was instantly awake. His eyes flew to mine, and he immediately knew I was in labor.

"Is it time?" He asked in a panic, and I nodded my head. The contractions were less than three minutes apart. It was definitely time to head to the hospital.

"But it's too soon…you're not due…"

"Edward!" I all but yelled, interrupting his ramblings.

"Trust me – it's time!"

"Okay, okay, I'm on it!" He stammered as he stumbled out of bed, and I couldn't help but laugh as he raced around the room, slipping off his pajama bottoms and pulling on jeans. Another contraction hit, and my body tensed as I rode it out.

"Give me five minutes, and we're out of here," Edward said as he bent to swiftly kiss my lips. His eyes were alight with joy and anticipation, and he smiled broadly at me as I bit down softly on my lower lip. "We're going to have a baby," he announced, wonder evident in his eyes, and with that he disappeared into the bathroom, leaving me sitting on the bed.

As I sat on the bed, my hands wrapped protectively around my belly, I couldn't help but think how happy I was, despite the fact I was also in an incredible amount of pain. Life was good. It was better than good…it was fucking awesome. I had everything I'd always wanted, but never dared to hope for. I had the most wonderful, loving husband, two beautiful children with a third on the way, and a warm, close-knit family. And to think, that in the end, it had all been the result of a single chance encounter seventeen years in the past. It was a chance encounter I would forever be grateful for. It had brought me Edward and it had brought me life, in more ways than one.

**Endnotes:**

With this final epilogue, **Chance Encounter** is officially complete.

Thanks so much to all of you for sharing this amazing journey with me.

I have started writing a new fic entitled **The Sound of Silence**. This fic has not yet posted. I am writing ahead several chapters before I begin to post. I'd like to stick to a regular posting schedule this time around, so chapters will be shorter. (It's also why I'm writing ahead!) At present, I plan to start posting sometime around the 1st of June. Here is the summary for the story: At 22, I was pretty sure I had my life figured out. But then I met Bella, deaf since birth, and my world was cast in silence.

With regards to **The Preacher's Son**, I am going to be taking some time to re-write what I have already written. I would like to tell the story entirely from EPOV. It will take me some time to re-work the first few chapters, but when they are ready, I will upload them onto fanfic and commence with writing the rest of the story. This story will be told, but I cannot guarantee when.

Finally, I have a rec for you. Throughout the process of writing **Chance Encounter**, I have met so many wonderful people. One such individual is my good friend and pre-reader, **aerobee82.** She has recently posted her own fic, a story entitled **Antiques Roadshow**, which I am recommending you all check out. Her Edward is positively adorable, and I love her Bella too (this is rare for me, lol). Here is the summary for her story: I took an antique in for appraisal, only to find a much rarer treasure. I met Bella Swan on Antiques Roadshow, and PBS would never want for funds again. Canon couples.

I am **misgatoslocos** on Twitter. Follow me and I'll follow you back!


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